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Derek and his Boy Wonder are trying
their darndest to solve this murder mystery

Lena Kundera

November 14, 2003

(Lena mention)
Last update: 11/22/03

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Derek Frye
Justin McCoy
Jackson Montgomery


While slamming on Jackson, Derek mentions Lena as someone Jackson was trying to help (no Lena)


From The Official Site at ABC.com:

No mention of LE-NA! (sniff)

From About All My Children

Derek says this isn’t easy on any of them; he’s a colleague and good friend, but he’s been obstructing this investigation right from the beginning. Jack’s sorry he sees the D.A.’s involvement as an obstruction. Derek can’t figure out why he would do that; a man like him who respects the law—it didn’t make any sense! He stepped up for a lot of people on that board, Erica, Reggie, Kendall, Lena, and even David Hayward, protecting them and questioning this department at every turn, “And then it hit me, the reason you believe all these people are innocent is because you know who the killer is; that’s who you’ve been protecting all along!” He’s been defending every single person they went after, because he knew the minute Michael Cambias’ body turned up dead, they were innocent.

From Soap Slut

No Lena. (sniff)


This all gay recap is by C.K..
Read all the All Gay Re-caps at http://groups.yahoo.com/group/TheAllGayRecap/.

The mention of Lena was so quick, that even the All Gay Re-cap mentions Lena not!


  • Stop.  Hammer time.
  • Mia hot-wires Greenlee's car.
  • Maggie goes for a ride.
  • Break it down.
  • Erica flails.
  • U can't touch this.

The Set-Up – At Jack’s, Erica is the new Kendall and fields all questions meant for Jack. Also, she feels like M.C. Hammer, but more ghetto fabulous that he ever was.

In the garage, Greenlee stomps her foot and steals Mia’s car. Mia stomps both of her feet – ‘cause she’s no victim.

The Cemetery – Bianca stomps off – ‘cause that’s what she does. That, and she hallucinates.

Ryan tells Kendall that Alexander had put all hopes of restoring the family name into a grandchild and that is why he wants to know the truth about the sonogram.

Well, I suppose that, if AMC can’t redeem the rapist – and that’s only because he’s dead – the writers might as well think ahead and beatify VolderTot right now.

Portia’s Studio – Stompianca rushes in and announces she talked to Kendall and needs to leave town right away.

Maggie: "I knew I should never have left her with you at the cemetery: what did she do now?"

Maggie, I’m actually hoping you’ll come out as whatever-sexual one of these days so that I’ll be able to limit my snark to that but, as it is, your hubris is unfuckingbelieavable. Who the hell elected you Bianca’s social secretary? You’re not even listening to what she’s saying! Not to mention that Kendall has done nothing but make her own life miserable by trying to shield and protect Bianca: what the hell have you done for her lately? Given up a semester at PVU, have you? Yeah, great sacrifice, that. Just - shut up.  Oh, Japan just called: they want their silk back.

Police Station – MiniTarzan doesn’t think it necessary for Jack to call an attorney since he’s not been arrested yet.

You’re going to be the new D.A., right? No sense in getting anyone who actually knows criminal procedure.

Ryan’s Room at the PVI – Ryan wants to know whether Greenlee has noticed anything different about Kendall lately, like "her mood, her appearance," or "a little weight gain."

No, Ryan, but you know what I’ve noticed? Bianca’s baggy shirts and odd behavior, like her inability to say "no, that’s not my sonogram."

Greenlee: "Are you on drugs? Kendall’s always moody and, if you turn the girl sideways, she disappears."

Malnutrition snark! Ah, good times.

Portia’s Studio – Maggie tries to keep Kendall from talking with Bianca, but BaBot sends her on an ice cream run so she can talk with her sister in private.

Next step? Take her keys, Bianca.

Bianca says she didn’t want Kendall to be "involved" with this whole VolderBaby thing and wishes Kendall had not placed herself in the middle of it all.

Even though you told her you didn’t have the abortion, are still pregnant, plan to keep and raise the baby, told her about your plan to skip town, pretend the baby's adopted and asked her to keep your secrets? Oh, ok then.

When Kendall says she wanted to let Ryan believe she’s the one who’s pregnant with Michael’s child, Bianca thinks back – no, not to an actual memory because that would make sense! No, Bianca thinks back and remembers a dream! The fuzzy lighting is there! And the couch! With the dead leopard! And the coffee table! And Kendall! And Michael! And they want her baby! They’re going to raise it! And Bianca will only have Maggie left! To raise! Or leave abandoned on the Soup Nazi’s doorstep!

Bianca: "I dreamed that you would do that. I dreamed that you and Michael Cambias came to me and you wanted to take my baby and raise her as your own."

"No, that’s not what I want. That’s not what I’m doing."
"It is, Kendall. Do you think I’m stupid?"

Oh, I can answer that! Pick me, pick me!

Jack’s Pad – Aidan is Erica’s favorite little person now ‘cause he buried AssHat with the trash and filled the coffin with rocks – all of which are less stupid than Bianca.

Police Station – Derek has a new theory: Jack is the killer.  Unfortunately, he doesn’t have dictionary or he’d know how to spell "threatened." Check out that board: threatened is misspelled 4 times. How do I know? I, huh, paused the tape to, er, check.

Portia’s Studio – While BaBianca looks stupid, Kendall agrees that of course the "No, Ryan, I’m pregnant" thing was just a ploy to get her grubby hands on VolderBaby and the Cambias fortune because, after all, who would expect her to do anything unselfish?

Bianca: "Kendall, no: don’t say these horrible things."

Oh, but it’s ok if you do because a dream told you they’re true? Why don’t you go join Maggie on that cookie run and get lost?

Kendall picks up the sonogram – which looks an awful lot like an X-Ray of my cat’s ass – and says she once was as innocent as that baby and, once she learned how she was conceived, her whole life shattered. Like the glass! Against the wall! The shards! On the ground! Shattered! Like her life! Crushed!

Kendall: "This was me! I was this baby!"

Finally it’s all come full circle: Bianca has thanked her rapist and VolderTot is Kendall’s second chance! Maybe it’s just me, but I think that kid would probably prefer to know who his/her father is as opposed to being the coat hanger for everyone’s salvation.

Kendall: "I want her to love me. And I want you to love me, Bianca. I can’t lose that, I can’t live – I’ll have nothing left if you don’t want me."

That’s just sad – and not ‘cause Alicia’s crying gets to me. Sniff. No! I’m fine, FINE! Take the Emmy. Sniff. Take it! Just stop crying, please.

The Last Scenes – At the police station, MiniTarzan bangs and booms his way into a murder theory that involves Jack. He’s almost like Batman – except for everything.

At Portia’s Studio, Bianca and Kendall’s bond is resealed just in time for Sisters Courage to make even more implausible and crazy-assed plans.

In his room, Ryan dreams of Alexander. Will the man ever be truly dead?

NEXT WEEK ON ALL MY CHILDREN: Mia and Aidan kiss; Tad overhears Simone reassuring Carlos that no one will know what they did the night Michael was murdered; Greenlee tries to team up with Erica; Kendall tells David that he can "make [her] pregnant."


This parody is by LizzieT.

No Lena parts today because there was no Lena in the actual show and Derek mentioned her.

Mia tried to stop Greenlee from going after Ryan.
Mia: You can't go chasing after him just because Juan Pablo dumped you
Greenlee: I'm chasing after him to save Fusion from Kendall.
Mia: You're being so immature. Of course me calling you immature while I have my hair in these pigtails is pretty silly but you're being so immature.
Greenlee: What's up with the pigtails anyway?
Mia: It's my 57th try at a personality - perky, funny, cheerful.
Greenlee: Maybe #58 will be the charm. Now excuse me while I steal your car.
Mia: Hey, come back here. I'll call 91....91....hey, come back here!

Derek and Justin asked Jack to come in for questioning.
Erica: You can't question him. He has an alibi.
Jack: Not really. My alibi was a lie.
Erica: Well duh. Who's isn't? Jack, you don't understand anything about murder investigations.
Derek: What are you two doing together anyway?
Jack: It's none of your business.
Derek: I'm making it my business.
Erica: Derek, I'm so disappointed in you. Everyone wanted you back on screen as the chief of police and look how you've turned out. It's enough to make me miss Anna.
Justin: Can we arrest both of them? I want to read them their rights. I've been practicing and everything. Can I? Huh? Huh?
Erica: You - time out! Go stand in the corner until you can behave.
Justin: :::whimper::::
Jack: Let's go down to the station and continue this.
Erica: I'll just wait here. I don't think they put up the penthouse set today.
Aidan: Ello Erica. Ow are yew?
Erica: Hello Aidan. Did you come to see Jack.
Aidan: No. Oi cime to see yew. Oi don't know ow Oi knew yew were ere but ere Oi am. I ave gewd news for yew. That rotter Moichal isn't really buried in allowed ground next to yew're mum. Me and me mites buried a box of rocks instead and put Moichal where e belongs.
Erica: Oh Aidan, thank you, bless your little spotted dick.
Aidan: No problem. Now Oi ave to go. Oi ave a scene with Mia coming up.
Erica: I'm so sorry. I know just how you feel. I was engaged to Chris Stamp for a year you know.
Aidan: Oi appreciate the sympathy.

Aidan found Mia in the garage.
Aidan: Whot are yew dewing?
Mia: I'm hot wiring Greenlee's car and now I'm going to steal it. It's personality #58 - wild and devil may care.
Aidan: Mighbe #59 will be the charm. Aren't yew going to put the ood down before yew droive off?
Mia: Wild and devil may care people don't worry about things like that. So do you want to come with me?
Aidan: Oi moit as well. Oi think we're in the previews for Mondigh.

Jack was questioned by Derek and Justin.
Derek: We know you were in the storeroom and we know that heroin is missing from the storeroom.
Justin: So did you steal the heroin? Did you plant it in Michael's condo? Did you shoot Michael when he found you there?
Jack: You got me Justin. I did it. I thought I could keep it a secret but I'm confessing because of your brilliant questioning. Thanks to you I'm a broken man.
Justin: Hot diggity! I solved the case.
Derek: Or he was being sarcastic and leaving the audience with a false impression on a Friday to be resolved on Monday's episode.
Justin: No fair!

Ryan continued to question Kendall and Bianca.
Ryan: So if you're pregnant then why does Bianca keep fainting and why is she carrying around a sonogram?
Kendall: Details, schmetails. I'm the one who's pregnant and my child will inherit all of your money. So there.
Ryan: Bianca, is she telling the truth?
Bianca: I can't take this anymore. :::runs away:::
Baby: Hey I want to stay! Things were just getting interesting. Well, maybe not interesting but at least really confusing.
Kendall: I'm pregnant with Michael's child and there's nothing you can do about it.
Ryan: Then why haven't you filed with the court to claim the child's inheritance?
Kendall: That's for me to know and you to find out.

Ryan found Greenlee in his hotel room.
Ryan: What are you doing here?
Greenlee: Stalking you even though you've made it clear that you don't want me. Bring back memories?
Ryan: Have you noticed anything different about Kendall lately?
Greenlee: Besides the fact that she boinked you on the rooftop?
Ryan: I can't believe you called it boinking. You make it sound so sordid.
Greenlee: Sorry. I guess I've been reading the message boards and just picked up the lingo.
Ryan: Kendall told me she's pregnant with Michael's child. Can you believe that? Just promise me you won't tell anyone.
Greenlee: Sure. Anything you say. Of course I've done nothing but badmouth Kendall to you for days but that's no reason for you to think I would tell anyone this major piece of news that might help bring her down. Now excuse me. I have to go talk to Erica.

Kendall went to Bianca's.
Bianca: Maggie, I need to talk to Kendall alone.
Maggie: OK. I'll leave.
Bianca: You can get dressed first.
Maggie: I am dressed.
Bianca: Sorry. I thought that kimono thing was your robe - though I did wonder why you were wearing it with jeans.
Kendall: Bianca I'm so sorry for what happened.
Bianca: You! You're a lying evil person who's trying to take my baby away! But you'll never touch my child - never never never!
Baby: Uh oh. Major mood swing.
Kendall: I wouldn't hurt your child. I love this baby already. Look at this beautiful little blob on the sonogram. It's so sweet and pure.
Baby: Beautiful I can handle. But I hope I don't turn out sweet and pure. I want to have fun as a soap character.
Kendall: I used to be like this sonogram - sort of blurry but full of promise. Then I found out about my father and I became like this glass:::tosses it::::
Bianca: Rolling on the floor?
Kendall: I didn't know it was plastic. Then I became like this vase:::tosses it::::
Bianca: Bouncing on the couch?
Kendall: Bad aim. Then I became like this lamp::::tosses it::::Finally! Shattered into a million pieces! :::sob sob sob::::
Bianca: Oh Kendall::::sob sob sob::::I'm sorry.
Kendall: I need you to love me:::sob sob sob:::And I need for the baby to love me:::sob sob sob::::
Bianca: I do love you Kendall:::sob sob:::And the baby loves you:::sob sob:::And Portia loves you:::sob sob::::And the rubber ducky loves you:::sob sob:::
Kendall:::sob sob:::I love you too. And Portia. And the rubber ducky:::sob sob::::
Baby: Oh brother. Grandma Erica is starting to look like the stable one in the bunch. How sad is that? Maybe after I'm born I can live with Uncle Reggie.


Derek: And then it hit me -- the reason you believe that all these people are innocent. Because you know who the killer is. That's who you've been protecting all along.
Jack: Well, that's a very interesting theory, derek. Must have kept you up all night.


Unverified in non-clip parts

***** (clip a) [Derek mentions Lena as someone Jack was trying to help (no Lena)]

Derek: This isn't easy for any one of us. You're a colleague and a good friend. But, d*** it, we got a job to do, and you've been obstructing this investigation right from the beginning.
Jack: Well, I'm sorry you see the D.A.'S involvement as an obstruction.
Derek: You know, the thing is, I couldn't figure out why you would do that. A man like you, respects the law. Just didn't make any sense. You stepped up for a lot of people on that board -- Erica, Reggie, Kendall, Lena. D***, even David Hayward. Protecting them. Questioning this department at every turn.
Jack: Because your investigation lacked focus.
Derek: And then it hit me -- the reason you believe that all these people are innocent. Because you know who the killer is. That's who you've been protecting all along.
Jack: Well, that's a very interesting theory, derek. Must have kept you up all night. Do you have anything to back it up?
Derek: You defended every single person we went after, because you knew. The minute Michael Cambias' body turned up dead, you knew that these people were innocent.
Justin: That's right. How'd you know that, Jack?
Derek: Is it possible, Jack? Is it possible that all this obstruction and misdirection is just a way for you to take the focus off yourself, because -- because you were there when Cambias died?


If you are aware of any of the following clips from this episode, please contact me ASAP, Kym: Clip

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