February 17, 2004

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PLAYERS
SYNOPSIS
RE-CAPS
ALL GAY RE-CAP
PARODY
LENAVERSE
QUOTES
TRANSCRIPT
CLIPS

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SYNOPSIS

Ryan visits Bianca at the hospital and reminds her that Lena and Kendall can help her run Cambias Industries.

RE-CAPS:

From The Official Site at ABC.com:
http://abc.go.com/daytime/allmychildren/episodes/2004-05/20040217.html

Alas, no Lena mention

From About All My Children
http://allmychildren.about.com/cs/recaps/a/bl20040217r.htm

Bianca muses if she could give Enchantment back to her mom, that would make things a little easier for her, even as a distraction from everything. Bianca sighs that she wouldn't even know where to start with all this, and Ryan says she should hire some Ivy League bean counter to handle everything for her. She could have Kendall and Lena to help her out with it all, using her vision and their legwork. She can make the estate something to be proud of, because not all power is evil, and not all money is tainted.

From Soap Slut
http://pub18.ezboard.com/fsoapslutfrm2.showMessage?topicID=48.topic

No mention...sniff

ALL GAY RE-CAP

This all gay recap is by C.K..
Read all the All Gay Re-caps at http://groups.yahoo.com/group/TheAllGayRecap/.

TODAY ON ALL MY PREGNANT CHILDREN:

• Losing is for losers.
• Beastmund falls.
• Bianca and Babe talk shop and switch.
• Greenlee breaks Manolo’s heart.

The Set-Up – In the Shaft of Self-Pity, Greenlee imagines Kendall in a slinky black dress. So, let me see if I understand this: Greenlee is wearing Kendall’s engagement ring and she’s imagining her in little black number (this is how straight people talk, right? I’m trying to learn)? U-huh. Kenlee is over, Greenlee: it’s all about Kinks now.

At Enchantment, Jack finds Erica’s will and thinks the worst: she’s gone to get a haircut.

At the hospital, Chesty LaRue and FurryBeast – wait, they’re still on the show?


The Hospital – Ryan explains the codicil in Alex’s will and tries to make Bianca understand that the money is supposed to go to VolderBaby.

Bianca: "Nice try, Ryan, but – "

Oh for Pete’s sake: it’s not your money to refuse, ok? It’s for the Cambias heir! You can only refuse to be the trustee, but you cannot refuse the money for VolderKid.

Ryan: "We’ll hire some Ivy League bean counter to handle everything."

How about oh, I don’t know: Lena? Stupid show.

Ryan: "I already got you an administrator: if you don’t like him, you get another one. You’ve got Kendall, you’ve got Lena to help you out with this. This is your vision, but their legwork."

Fine, whatevercakes, but the trustee is supposed to look after the interests of VolderKid, ok? The Cambias holdings cannot be used to fund anti-violence projects around the globe just because that’s all Bianca can bring herself to do. This is a legal matter and – oh, why do I give a shit?


The Shaft of Self-Pity – "Boohoo, I’m all alone and no one is looking for me. Sniff, at least Kendall is pretty: I wonder if I can rip this dress off, too. Boohoo, it’s all my fault and I don’t want to die ashamed of who I am. Kendall, hold me. Mineshafts lead to other mineshafts that go places and do things. Boohoo: I want to go places and do things!"


The Hospital – Fuck all the Vietnam Vets he patronized in his articles! Edmund doesn’t want to be a hero: he wants to walk because real men? They walk.

In her room, Bianca redeems Babe again. On her back. Again. And it happened exactly like that. Again.

In the furry room, Edmund and Maria disagree on the surgery Edmund wants to have to try and walk again.

Edmund: "What if I don’t take the chance and this is as good as it gets? And this is me, right now: no feeling in the lower quadrant whatever the hell it is. No feeling, Maria."

Oh pretty please? But seriously – yeah, I can do that – if I were Edmund, I’d be, erm, jumping on that table and getting the bullet out myself.

Edmund: "What kind of a man would I be if I don’t even try?"
Maria: "You’d be the kind of man that knows that your wife and kids can’t take those kinds of odds."

Aww. But I’m bored now. Maria walks out, has a minimelt and, of course, Ryan just happens to be walking by.

Ryan, why is it that you never just happen to walk by as a pianoforte drops from the 20^th floor or just happen to fall off a cliff, hum? Die, Ryan: die.


The Shaft of Self-Pity – "Hello little hole in the wall! You’re so pretty and happy and gay and waterlicious! What’s that, little hole in the wall? You’re the Pine Valley Ocean and I’m going to drown? Boohoo, why does this always happen to me?"


The Hospital – Bianca is still redeeming Babe.

Bianca: "My little girl is a billionaire."
Babe: "You know that you’re having a girl?"
Bianca: "Oh, it’s just a feeling."
Babe: "Me, too. Except, I am 100% positive I’m carrying a little bundle that’s gonna wear all blue. What?"
Bianca: "It’s just that the word that most people would have picked up on in that sentence in ‘billionaire.’"
Babe: "Yeah, that’s cool, too."

Yeah, ok, great. Bianca? Have a damn sonogram and stop talking as if you didn’t already have more money than you could possibly count. And AMC, please spare me the baby switch I see coming a gestation away.


Myrtle’s Boarding House – Myrtle! Hee, she makes me so happy. I’d be happier if the crappy furniture and the ugly wallpaper were to spontaneously combust and take all the fugly trinkets with them, but Myrtle’s my girl and I’m sorry they robbed her of killing Asshat. She would have done it with flair and a great one-liner – which is why she’s not the killer: McTool wouldn’t know a great line even if Dostoevsky were to personally deliver it.

Jack is scared for Erica and then thinks about the night Bianca was raped, going through ‘what if’ after ‘what if.’ Myrtle puts a stop to it but she, too, is caught in the same loop.

Myrtle: "All I do is hope and pray that the ugliness will fade. Now you go and find our girl and you take care of her."

What? I thought I was your girl! Sob. Is it the hair? I’ll change it, I swear: I’ll tease it and make it as big as the Liberty Bell, just – take me back!


The Last Scenes – In the Shaft of Self-Pity, Greenlee wishes she were Hermione Granger. Well, so does Harry Potter.

At the hospital, FurryBeast goes for the phone and falls. Edmund, you’re supposed to be paralyzed: do try not to bend your legs next time, ok?

At the cemetery, Ryan finds Erica at Chris’ grave. Chris, the fiancée whose death barely registered in Erica’s radar screen: makes perfect sense.


TOMORROW ON ALL MY CHILDREN: Kendall takes the stand; Adam tells Jack he plans to testify; Maria and Dr. what’s his name disagree on Edmund’s course of treatment; Ryan helps Erica.

PARODY

This parody is by LizzieT.

Jack went to Erica's office.
Jack: Erica, are you here? Hmmm, looks like she's gone. I'll just sit here and read these papers marked "To Be Read By Anyone Who Wanders In". "I Erica Kane being of not exactly sound mind but still fabulous body.....Hey, this must be her will. I wonder if she left me anything.

Ryan had a surprise for Bianca.
Ryan: I want your baby to have this.
Bianca: The Cambias fortune. No thank you.
Baby: What! Did I say I didn't want to be rich? I don't think so! I already have plans for this money.
Ryan: Just think of all the good you can do with this much money Bianca. You could establish charities for victims of all kinds of violence.
Baby: Watch it Ab Guy. That's my money you're giving away there.
Bianca: I guess you're right. And I could give Enchantment back to Mom and give Fusion back to Kendall.
Baby: Now that I can agree with. Just be sure my name is on the gift card.
Ryan: There is one thing. I told JR he could run Chandler Enterprises.
Bianca: Oh, that's fine with me. I'm sure that's what the baby would say to.
Baby: You really don't know me at all do you Mother? What I would have said is "ARE YOU INSANE?"
Bianca: I don't know how I'm going to manage a fortune like this.
Baby: How hard can it be? Ryan's been managing it since last summer and the global economy hasn't completely collapsed.
Jack: Hi Bianca. Have you seen your mother today?
Bianca: No, she hasn't come by.
Baby: I don't think she's on today. Usually if you don't show up in the first ten minutes of the episode it's your day off.
Jack: I'm worried about Erica. She's been revising her will.
Ryan: Why does that bother you?
Jack: It's just strange. She left Enchantment to Kendall, the penthouse to Bianca and all of her money to someone named Lizzie.
Ryan: Hmmm, that is strange. Speaking of strange, I've been seeing psychic visions of Greenlee a lot lately. Do you know if that means anything?
Jack: Probably some lame attempt to make the two of you seem like soul mates.

Later Babe came by for a visit.
Babe: Hi Bianca. I just came by to say once more that babies are the sweetest things on earth and I love them more than life itself.
Bianca: You're such a wonderful person Babe. It's more obvious than ever that Babe=Good.
Baby: Still trying desperately to win audience support I see. Why don't you confess to killing Michael? Then you could be really popular.
Babe: I'll just bet you have a girl and I have a boy. Then they'll grow up and be the next super couple of the show.
Baby: I hope not. You're not exactly my dream of a future mother-in-law. Anyway I'm hoping you'll be written off before I'm SORAS'D enough for a romance.

Maria visited Edmund.
Maria: What are you doing?
Edmund: Trying to move my legs but it isn't working.
Maria: That face you were making looked like you were in labor.
Edmund: Oh well, it's not like anyone but you saw it.
Maria: You're wrong. We're on today.
Edmund: You're kidding! We were just on a couple of days ago. What's going on?
Maria: The good news is that we seem to actually be getting a storyline.
Edmund: And the bad news?
Maria: The bad news is that our storyline seems to be that you're paralyzed from the waist down.
Edmund: You mean I'll never walk again.
Maria: Or anything else which could effect our super couple status if you know what I mean.
Edmund: What about that surgery that could help me walk again?
Maria: I don't think you should have it.
Edmund: Because you don't trust the newbie doctor?
Maria: Partly.
Edmund: Because you don't want me to risk my life?
Maria: Partly. And partly because a paralysis storyline is better than no storyline at all. I'm tired of hanging out at the Backburner Cafe.

Later Ryan found Maria in the hallway.
Ryan: Wow, imagine that! This makes twice I've found you crying in the hall.
Maria: What can I say? You know how this show loves to repeat itself.
Ryan: I just want you to know that I'm there for you.
Maria: You are?
Ryan: Yes. Why should Tad be the only guy in town with 3 women. He's got Sexy, Skanky and Frumpy. It's only right that I should have Needy, Bitchy, and Busty.

Greenlee was still in the mine shaft.
Greenlee: Great. I've been down here forever.
Kendall: I'll say. The audience is already comparing Greenlee in the Mine with the Proteus storyline.
Greenlee: What are you doing here? I thought yesterday was hallucination day in Pine Valley.
Kendall: What can I say? This show loves to repeat itself. I'm here to remind you that no one cares if you get rescued or not.
Greenlee: I know. And I admit it's all my fault that no one likes me. I just want to get out of here and prove to everyone that I've changed.......OK isn't this the part where I have my epiphany then I get out of the mine and go on to live a life bringing joy to others?
Kendall: Forget it. What do you think this is - A Christmas Carol? You're stuck down here Greenlee.
Greenlee: I don't care what you say. I'm going to get out of here. Do you hear me? Look, there's writing on the wall - what does it say? "Kendall Rules - Death to Greenlee" Must be those message board people. All right. I'll just dig a hole in the wall. Look! I've struck water! That could be a good thing. I'll just let the mine fill up with water and I'll swim to the top. Of course I might drown so maybe that's not a good thing. I don't care. I'm getting out of here. I'm not going to let you defeat me you silly mine shaft.
Mine shaft: I wouldn't call me names if I were you. I think at this point I'm a more popular character than you are.

LENAVERSE

Even Ryan knows that the real triumvirate is Bianca, Lena, and Kendall AND NOT Bianca, Lena, and Maggie.

OMYGOD Boyd is making an appearance!

QUOTES

Ryan: You hire some -- some Ivy League bean counter, all right? They handle everything for you. I've already got you an administrator. If you don't like him, you get another one. You've got Kendall, you've got Lena to help you out with this. Now, this is your vision, but -- but their legwork. Ok, make the estate something to be proud of because not all power is evil. Not all money is tainted, Bianca.

TRANSCRIPT

Unverified in non-clip parts

***** (clip a) [Ryan tells Bianca that Kendall and Lena will help her run Cambias Industries]

Ryan: All right, Alexander gave me the estate with the provision that it would go to the Cambias heir if one exists, so this is from me to you -- or better yet, from me to your baby.
Bianca: Nice try, ryan, but --
ryan: Ok, before you say it, before you say it -- have you thought about what good can come out of this? Retribution, Bianca. Justice, as in you could give enchantment back to your mother. You could give fusion to kendall, you could start a foundation for victims of violence. Bianca, with your help, this baby could do incredible things. And it's only fair after what you've been through.
Bianca: If I could give Enchantment back to my mom, that would make things a little easier for her, I mean, even just as a distraction from everything.
Ryan: Enchantment is Erica. Couldn't hurt to make it official again.
Bianca: Ryan, I wouldn't even know where to start with all this.
Ryan: You hire some -- some Ivy League bean counter, all right? They handle everything for you. I've already got you an administrator. If you don't like him, you get another one. You've got Kendall, you've got Lena to help you out with this. Now, this is your vision, but -- but their legwork. Ok, make the estate something to be proud of because not all power is evil. Not all money is tainted, Bianca.
Bianca: "Holdings, limited partnerships, business subsidiaries"?
Ryan: I know, I know, I know. I know, and there's actually something else.
Bianca: Oh, what, a used car and some swampland in florida?
Ryan: No. And by no means are you held to this, but both kendall and i promised j.R. That he would run chandler enterprises.
Bianca: Well, he should. I would absolutely want J.R. In charge. Or at least I'm sure that's what the baby would've said. Ahem.
Ryan: Well, she's got her mother's good taste and good heart.
Bianca: Stop it.
Ryan: And if i read that look in your eye correctly, I have tied up my last loose end. I can -- i can leave with no worries.
Bianca: You leave? Where are you going?
Ryan: Well, I've never really been a destination kind of guy.
Bianca: What -- what does that mean? You're just going to take off for wherever?
Ryan: Yeah -- I mean, after the trial.
Bianca: For how long? A week? A month?
Ryan: More like for good.
Bianca: Ryan, you can't do that. What about kendall?
Ryan: Kendall and I are history with no chance to repeat itself.

CLIPS

I have the following clips (incompletes are marked "inc"):
None at this time

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