Looks like she's still in Poland
ALL GAY RE-CAP
From The Official Site at ABC.com:
From About All My Children
From Soap Slut
ALL GAY RE-CAP
This all gay recap is by C.K..
Read all the All Gay Re-caps at http://groups.yahoo.com/group/TheAllGayRecap/.
TODAY ON ALL MY WOODEN CHILDREN:
- J.R. and Jamie get the shaft.
- Krystal passes the baton.
- Babe waves her wand.
- Maggie gets the short end of the stick.
The Set-Up – Bianca and Maggie show up at the non-crash site because, once a party blows, you might as well go home, change, and hang out where your baby died.
In the courtyard, Kendall trashes Ryan’s clothes. You’re supposed to do that when Ryan is in the clothes, Kendall.
At the Franken pad, the Laverys try a Vulcan blessing and get singed.
The Franken Pad – Greenlee gets into doom’s zip code and stops AwningBrow from drinking the scotch she thinks David might have filled with the What’s My Name And Where Are My Balls? formula.
Oh, great: who asked you to be a good Samaritan? Let him drink it, shrivel up and die.
The River of Lies – Babe is sorry, so sorry, so very, very sorry but never quite manages to say why she is and lets Bianca believe she is sorry, so sorry, so very, very sorry that MiMo died.
Bianca: "I know that you’re grieving my little girl."
Babe: "Bianca, you don’t understand."
Bianca: "I do, I swear I do, and I’m so grateful."
Looks like the salt will be poured by the kilo today.
Maggie: "Maybe we should give them some time alone."
Oh, you’re there? Here’s a cracker: make yourself look useful.
Maggie and Krystal give Bianca and Babe some much needed privacy and move all the way to the left of my screen; even with the two meter rule firmly in place, Krystal can’t help but honey child and baby doll her way to Babe to try and stop her from spilling the beans until, finally, she yanks her away from the evil clutches of the teddy bear and takes her back to the Chandler manse.
Looking around, Bianca marvels at all the toys, surprised that she’s not the only one to come and litter the most happening place in the Pine Valley woods.
Bianca: "I thought I would be the only one to mourn Miranda. I mean, you, Lena and Kendall, everybody loves me of course but – I guess I just never expected that her loss would have such an effect on so many people."
"Of course" people love you? Good god, Bianca: who are you, Eden? Oh, wait.
Bianca: "I like to think that Miranda was just a very, very old soul: she was so wise and so perfect that there was nothing for her to learn here so she had to go."
Oh gag me. Here, I’m giving you a spoon: do it!
Bianca: "You know, I was never really all that religious but I’m absolutely certain that she’s out there somewhere waiting for me and I know I’m gonna find her and hold her again."
That’s more metaphysical than religious: poor McT, she’s so confused, no wonder she can’t read and comprehend all the surveys they’ve done.
Cow Central – Dr. Doom gargles with the non-formulaic scotch even though we all know he’d be immune to the What’s My Name Where Are My Balls? formula. Well, he’d be immune to the second part of it anyway.
David: "This marriage thing is your game: you can’t expect me to play along."
A game? I thought games were supposed to be fun and not make me want to throw my TV into the Bay.
Kendall’s Condo – In an effort to fluster Ryan, Kendall decides to get ready for bed in front of him.
I know people come in all sizes, but when I can count every single bone in a woman’s body and see the contours of her internal organs, all I want to do it get a blanket to cover her up and a go buy a cow or ten.
The Chandler Manse – I’m ignoring the OLTL snippet with baby Ace (Ace!) and moving right along to Krystal and Babe, both of whom are trying to figure out why Paul would lie about the identity of the baby.
Babe: "I have to find out, don’t I? I owe that to Bianca and her baby."
You may want to look into giving her MiMo back, too: just a thought.
Cow Central – David just can’t bring himself to be happy for Greenlee – right there with you, pal – but reminds her he’ll always be there for her.
Greenlee: "I have my husband, too. […] I can take care of myself, but if you do decide to go after Ryan, family or not, I won’t hesitate: I’ll call the cops and bring you down."
Yes, Ryan Uber Alles Motherf***kingland. Hurray.
The River of Dreams – You’re still talking? Good god, put a cork in it, ofcourseeverybodylovesme!Bianca.
Maggie: "I like what you said about Miranda being an old soul."
I like what Linds said about you looking like a "crack whore" with that lipstick.
The Last Scenes – Next to the non-bank of the non-river, Bianca talks to MiMo and sacrifices a tiny bear in her honor. If you had to drown a stuffed animal, why didn’t you pick a beanie baby? I hate those things.
At the Franken pad, Greenlee brown-bags it.
Across town, the pine cones share a psychotic connection.
TOMORROW ON ALL MY CHILDREN: Danielle sues Reggie; Bobby and Erica share a moment; Krystal and Babe have a decision to make.
WOW!!! Bianca actually mentioned Lena? I can hardly believe it. Of course, the Velcro BBF had to be there.
This parody is by LizzieT.
Ryan and Greenlee shared a toast.
Greenlee: Let's have a drink.
Ryan: Sure. Why should the audience be the only ones who use booze to make it through the show?
Greenlee: Wait! Don't drink that! David may have poisoned it!
Ryan: What makes you think so?
Greenlee: I don't know. If there was a reason given, that Lizzie person wasn't paying attention.
Ryan: Maybe she's already had her Scotch.
Greenlee went to confront David.
Greenlee: I brought some Scotch for us to drink.
David: Good idea. Why should the audience be the only ones who use booze to make it through the show?
Greenlee: I'm going to drink it now.
David: Go ahead.
Greenlee: Aren't you going to stop me?
David: Why should I?
Greenlee: You mean you didn't try to poison Ryan?
David: Bwahahahahaha! You think I would waste one of my valuable secret formulas on him? Frankly Greenlee, he's not that interesting.
Greenlee: But you disapprove of our marriage.
David: That's right. I hate to see you married to a man who's in love with someone else. .
Greenlee: You're right. I always thought I was the kind of girl who should be the other woman - not the woman haunted by the other woman. But I don't understand why you hate Ryan so much.
David: It's not just me. Have you checked some of the message boards lately? The only thing that's saving him from the Angry Villagers is the fact that Liza is still hanging after Tad.
Kendall was cleaning house.
Kendall: I'll just throw out all of this Ryan trash....Here's Ryan's shirt.....Here's Ryan's pants.....Here's the script where I had to say Ryan was right and I was wrong.....Now I'll just borrow a torch from one of the Angry Villagers and burn all of these memories.
Ryan: We have to talk Kendall. I need to impart more of my wisdom to you.
Kendall: Go ahead. I'm listening.....I'm stripping but I'm listening.
Ryan: Ryan say Kendall must be nice to Greenlee. Ryan insist that Kendall and Greenlee be friends. If Kendall not do what Ryan say, Ryan beat on chest and roar.
Kendall: Whatever. See anything you've missed Ryan?
Ryan: :::whimper::::Ryan go home and take cold shower - or think about marriage to Greenlee.
Kendall: And I'll just burn this pine cone memento of our time together. You know, a pine cone is no wishing star. Of course we're no Tad and Dixie either.
JR and Jamie went to a bar.
Jamie: So I'm playing pool with an extra and JR disappears with another extra. What's this scene supposed to show?
Lizzie: Beats me. I dozed off. Must have been the Scotch from the Ryan and Greenlee scenes.
Bianca found Babe and Krystal at the crash site.
Babe: :::sob:::Oh Bianca, I'm so sorry for everything.
Bianca: You don't have anything to be sorry about. You didn't do anything wrong....yet anyway.
Babe: I just didn't know.
Bianca: Of course you couldn't have known what would happen to Miranda. I'm just so touched that you love my little girl so much....almost like she was your own child.
Mine Shaft: Anyone have any Tylenol? I'm getting a headache from being whacked in the head by the irony here.
Maggie: Maybe we should leave Babe and Bianca alone.
Mine Shaft: Good idea. Step over here why don't you Krystal? I just might have a vacancy for you.
Krystal: I think we should stay. Babe might forget her raising and accidently tell the truth if I leave.
Babe: I'm ready to go home Mama.
Mine Shaft: Just remember Babe. The audience may cut you a little slack right now since you're grief stricken and in shock. But time is ticking.
Bianca: I thought coming here would make me feel closer to Miranda.
Maggie: Doesn't it?
Bianca: Not really. I always feel close to her. It's like she's still here fussing about her lack of screen time and muttering about lowlife skanky test switchers.
Maggie: She was such a special baby.
Bianca: Wasn't she? I knew I loved her and that my family loved her but I never realized she had such a fan base. Look at these letters from the message board people. "Set Miranda Free" "Justice for Miranda" "No cow mobiles for Miranda" I don't know what they mean but they're very nice.
Maggie: Would you like a moment alone to make the audience cry again?
Bianca: Yes. Goodbye again Miranda. Mommy misses you and loves you. I hope you know how much. At least you're in this lovely place. It's so peaceful here...except for the mine shaft sobbing in the background.
Mine Shaft: :::sob::::I can't help it. This storyline just gets to me::::sob:::::
The Chandler Kid made a brief appearance.
Asa: Yes sir, this one is a Buchanon through and through.
Chandler Kid: Shows how much you know old man. But at least that Lizzie person recognized you from when she watched OLTL years ago. I wonder if half the audience even knows who you two guys are?
Asa: Good point. I'll mention Vicky too since most people have probably heard of her. Is this our big crossover?
Chandler Kid: This is it. Not too exciting was it?
Babe and Krystal went home.
Babe: I'm so sorry little girl. I really thought you were mine. I love you so much. And JR loves you so much. Of course he would have loved our little boy too.
Miranda: Probably so. Not as much as he loves me of course. After all, I am Miranda. So will you be packing my toys and sending me home soon? I'm ready.
Krystal: Why don't you get some sleep Babe?
Miranda: Why don't you stick your head in the coffe maker oh skanky one? Remember Babe, your character is still salvagable unlike a certain test switcher who shall remain nameless.
Babe: I'm so tired.
Krystal: Things will be clearer in the morning. It's not like you have a timetable to do the right thing - if you do it at all.
Miranda: So it looks like Mom and I have been shafted again - just like at the Emmys. Can you believe Mom didn't win? And what about my work from last year? I'll never understand how I got beat out for Best Unborn Character by that fetus from The Bold and the Beautiful.
Unverified in non-clip parts
Bianca: Look at all these things. I thought I would be the only one to mourn miranda. I mean, you and lena and kendall -- everybody who loves me, of course, but I guess I just never expected that her loss would have such an effect on so many people. They never even really got to know her.
Maggie: I know. Babe -- my goodness, she was a wreck.
Bianca: Yeah. I'm not surprised. She brought miranda into the world. And aside from me and paul cramer, she was the only one who got to hold her. It's funny. I thought that coming here would make me feel closer to her.
Maggie: You don't?
Bianca: Well, I feel miranda's presence wherever I go. Don't worry -- it's not like I think every baby I see on the street is -- is mine.
Maggie: I don't worry about that.
Bianca: It's just she's always in my heart, you know?
Maggie: Yes, I know.
Bianca: But I like coming here. It's peaceful and so full of love.
Maggie: Do you want me to leave you alone?
Bianca: You're just anxious to get back to the car, aren't you?
Maggie: No. No, no.
Bianca: I know, I'm just teasing. No, I want you to be here. Have a seat.
Bianca: I try not to think of everything she missed. Everything we missed. All the growing-up menents. I like to think that miranda was just a very, very old soul. She was so wise and so perfect that there was nothing for her to learn here. So she had to go. You know, I was never really all that religious, but I'm absolutely certain that she's out there somewhere waiting for me. And I know I'm going to find her and hold her again.
Previous Episode |AMC Guide |Episode Guide |Next Episode