Whoosh! Online
Edition Click here to visit Amphi's Page!


“Chariots of War”  Episode 2/5


G:  “And so, Zeus, in his appreciation, turned the two lovers into oak trees.  And then do you know what happened?”

X:  “Somebody built a boat out of them?”

G:  “No-- their branches intertwined, and  they spent the rest of their days in each other’s embrace.”

X:  “What’s the point?”

G:  “Come on, Xena.  I believe everyone will find their tree in the forest someday-- even you.”

X:  “I find the strongest trees in the forest stand alone.”

G:  “You don’t have to be strong all the time, Xena; sometimes it’s good for the soul to be soft.”

X:  “Oh, yeah.  Look, I’m gonna ride up ahead and see if we can ford the Meleatus River.  Otherwise, we’ll have to double back two days.  Let’s find some place you can wait for me.”

G:  “What’s wrong with this place?”

Drunk:  “Hello, beautiful. [Belches]”  

G:  “Another place sounds good.”

Drunk:  “Come on blondie, tell me a story. [Belches]”


G:  “Don’t forget about me.”

X:  “I won’t.”

Man’s Voice:  “Hang on!  A little more.  [?].  All right.”

Argolis:  “Oww!”

Darius:  “Are you all right?  Hold the peg like this.  See, and you won’t hit your hand.”

Lykus:  “Dad?”

Darius:  “What?”

Lykus:  “How come those riders destroyed Tynus’ barn?”

Argolis:  “Does that mean we’re going back to Troy?”

Darius:  “No.  No, no matter what happens, this is our home now.”

Lykus:  “Told you!”

Tynus:  “Darius?”

Darius:  “What?”

Tynus:  “How’s it coming with the little carpenters?”

Darius:  “Oh, don’t you worry.  We’ll have your barn up in no time.”

Tynus:  “Good.”

Darius:  “Sarita.  Let’s go cut some more boards.  What is it, Sarita?  You know, there’s nothing there, Honey.”

Men’s Voices:  “You got it?”  “Yes.”

Darius:  “What is it this time?”

Sphaerus:  “Go!”

Darius:  “Take cover!”

Darius:  “Argolis, where’s your brother?”

Argolis:  “I don’t know.”

Darius:  “Go, go, go!”


Argolis:  “Dad?”

X:  “Gotcha!”

Darius:  “Thank you.  Who are you?”

X:  “A friend.”

Sphaerus:  “Archers, fire!”



Darius:  “I’ll take these.”

X:  “No, I need them.”

Darius:  “Not here-- not in my house.  I’ve never done this before.”

X:  “It’s all right, I have.  Put a poker in the fire.  Boo!”

Darius:  “Everyone, out, out!”

Argolis:  “Do we have to?”

Darius:  “Yes.”

Argolis:  “We always miss everything good.”

X:  “So, who was I fighting back there?”

Darius:  “They were the men of Cycnus-- a warlord.  He’s laid claim to our lands.”

X:  “Looks like he was doing more than that.  The arrow didn’t pass through.”

Darius:  “Ah, good.”

X:  “No, it’s bad-- you’ll have to push it through.”

Darius:  “I don’t think I can do that.”

X:  “Do it!  Now, break the arrow head.  Pull out the shaft.”

Darius:  “Oh, thank the gods that’s over.”

X:  “Not quite-- Get the poker.”

Darius:  “Wait, uh-- You’re not gonna just--”


Cycnus:  “Leave us.”

Sphaerus:  “Hello, Father.”

Cycnus:  “You’re growing more powerful, my son.  Ares will be pleased.”

Sphaerus:  “My warrior education is complete.  I am ready to take your place.”

Cycnus:  [Laughs] “Nah-- there’s still something missing-- the desire to kill.”

Sphaerus:  “You’re wrong.  Today, I killed a great warrior in the belly.”

Cycnus:  “Who?”

Sphaerus:  “She fell before I could ask her name.”

Cycnus:  “A woman, ha-ha!  You think that would impress the god of war?”

Sphaerus:  “But she was a--”

Cycnus:  “The honor of keeping Ares’ horses falls to the mightiest warrior.  He will not choose you merely because you’re my son.  You must _prove_ yourself worthy.”

Sphaerus:  “I am.”

Cycnus:  “Yeah, why haven’t you conquered this valley yet?  These farmers dishonor the god of war with their peaceful ways.  Strike them down.  If your brother Stentor were alive--”

Sphaerus:  “I am _not_ my brother.”

Cycnus:  “Everytime I see you in battle, I’m reminded of that.”

Sphaerus:  “Now, am I worthy of Ares?”

Cycnus:  “Ha-ha!  Almost.”


Lykus:  “Did you see the way she bashed up those guys?  Zing, pow!  Do you think she’s gonna die, Argolis?”

Argolis:  “If she does, I get her horse.”

Lykus:  “Do not.”

Argolis:  “Do to.  I’m the eldest.  Besides, you’re too little to ride.”

Lykus:  “Am not.”

Argolis:  “Are too.”

X:  “I don’t know what you guys are arguing about-- It’ll take more than an arrow to get rid of me.”

Lykus:  “Father, she’s awake, she’s awake.”


G:  “I’m sure she’ll be here any minute.  She’s very dependable.  Of course, she also takes a lot of risks.”

Innkeeper [Inn]:  “You gonna have a drink or not?”

G:  “Yes, thanks.”

Inn:  “It’s not a gift.”

G:  “What? Oh-- Hah!  I have money.  Actually, I’m not a big drinker.  Do you have any water?  You have a very nice establishment.  How late are you open?”

Inn:  “Late.”


X:  “So this giant had me trapped in a boxed canyon.”

Argolis:  “Did he try to step on you?”

X:  “Yeah, sure he tried, but I was ready for him.  I jammed this big--”

Darius:  [Clears his throat]

X:  “Um, feather--”

Argolis:  “You mean, you tickled his foot with a feather?”

X:  “Well, not just a feather.  See, you gotta remember, these guys have really big feet.  I had to use the whole goose.”

Argolis:  “You got an exciting life.”

Lykus:  “Do you travel with your family?”

X:  “I don’t have a family.”

Argolis:  “I wish I could ride with you.”

X:  “No, you don’t.  The road is a hard place to live-- Not knowing where you’ll sleep, what you’ll eat.  I don’t often share a meal with such good company.”

Darius:  “Neither do we.”

X:  “Hey, what’s your name?”

Argolis:  “She doesn’t talk.”

X:  “No?”

Darius:  “Not since we lost her mother.  Tynus.”

Tynus:  “We have to talk.  Why is that woman still here?  She’s not one of us, Darius.  She fights.  You’ve seen that with your own eyes.  Her kind make enemies.  She’ll have to leave your home.”

Darius:  “No, she saved my son.  She’s a guest in my home until she’s well.”

Tynus:  “There’s talk, Darius.  Your house has been without a woman for a long time.  But, but this is not the answer.  By keeping her here, you break your oath.”

Darius:  “What oath have I broken, Tynus?”

Tynus:  “To live only for peace.”

Darius:  “To care for a wounded woman is not an act of war.”

Tynus:  “She lied to you.  Other people have heard of this woman.  She’s no warrior.  She’s a murderer, a killer.”

Darius:  “As soon as she’s able to ride, she’ll leave.”

Tynus:  “Good.  You know, I hope, for your sake, she recovers quickly.”


Darius:  “You can’t be thinking of leaving in your condition.”

X:  “I left a friend back in the last village-- she depends on me.”

Darius:  “Your friend can take care of herself for a few days-- You need more rest.  Look, if what Tynus said is--”

X:  “What Tynus said is true.  I’ve done some horrible things in my past.”

Darius:  “Your past is your past.  The Xena I know risked her life to save my son.  That’s who I let into my home.”

X:  “And I appreciate it-- but it’s time for me to move on-- Ahhhh!”


X:  “It’s all right.”

Darius:  “Are you so brave that you fear someone caring for you?  What’s that?”

X:  “Trouble.”

Darius:  “The silo-- our food.”



Man’s Voice:  “There he is!”

G:  “It’s a bit early for a celebration.  Can I have some water, please?”

Thug:  “Let me buy you a mug of ale.  But then you’ll owe me.”

G:  [Laughs] “How generous.  Of course, I have to decline.  What would people think?  I mean, me a-- a young, innocent girl-- taking gifts from a swarthy stranger?  Hmm!  The gossip alone would send this town reeling.”

Thug:  “Is that ‘yes’?”

G:  “Well, not in the customary sense of the word.  But maybe you could help me.  I’m looking for a friend of mine.”

Thug:  “I can be your friend.”

G:  “I’m serious-- and you’d better back off before I find her.  It’s Xena.”

Thug:  “The Warrior Princess?”

G:  “Yeah.”

Thug:  “Well, I like it.  I could be a friend to both of you.”

G:  “And I’m looking for my boyfriend-- Big, strong, jealous type, huh!-- And there he is now.  Hmm!  He’s resting, after polishing his giant, lethal sword collection.”

Thug:  “He’s not your boyfriend.”

G:  “Oh, you don’t think so?”

Thug:  “No, I don’t.”

G:  “Pretend you know me.”

Sphaerus:  “Ah, no problem.”


Darius:  “What are you doing?”

X:  “Where are my weapons?”

Darius:  “We don’t need you to fight.”

X:  “Who else, Darius?  Someone has to stop them.”

Darius:  “No, I mean, we don’t _want_ you to fight.  Tynus just told me-- they’re giving us a peace offer.  We’re meeting them in town.”

X:  “Is burning the silo a peace offer?  Don’t be foolish-- Cycnus only respects power.”

Darius:  “Xena, I went to war once.  I went to war.  I lost everything I was fighting for.”

X:  “I am sorry, but you can’t make peace with warmakers.  I know these people, Darius-- I was these people.”

Darius:  “But Xena, something changed you.  Maybe we can change them.  Can’t you see that this is our last hope before bloodshed?  It’s worth a try, isn’t it?  Please, for the sake of peace.”


Sphaerus:  “So, um, how long’ve we been seeing each other, ah--”

G:  “Gabrielle-- and you fell madly in love with me the moment we met.”

Sphaerus:  “Well, it’s no wonder.  The- the way you kiss.  Uh-- what brings you to this place?”

G:  “Ah-- I’m looking for my best friend-- maybe you’ve seen her?  Six feet tall, dark hair, lots of leather.  She fights like the Harpies in a bad mood.  Her name’s Xena.”

Sphaerus:  “Ah, no, uh, sorry.  This friend of yours, you were, you were close?”

G:  “Are you kidding?  Like this.  I don’t know what I’m worried about.  If anyone can take care of herself, it’s Xena.  So what do you do?”

Sphaerus:  “I, uh, I work for my father.  I took over for my brother after he died in battle.  But, he makes me do things I never thought I would.  Things I regret.”

G:  “Mmm, I can understand that.  My mother always wanted me to get married and have kids.  And I remember, telling her that I’d always be grateful for the way that she raised me.  But she couldn’t expect me to pay for that with my future.”

Sphaerus:  “That’s um, that’s very insightful.”

G:  “It’s a gift.  Anyway, I came to a point in my life where I had to make a choice.  And I thought about who I really was, and I made it.”

Sphaerus:  “Well, look, um I better go.  Um-- Maybe I’ll see you around sometime?”


X:  “I’m ready.”

Darius: “I--”

X:  “What?”

Darius:  “I just don’t think that you should wear-- this-- to the meeting.”

X:  “Well, I don’t have anything else.”

Darius:  “Come with me-- come on.  This should fit you.”

X:  “I’ve never worn anything like this before.”

Darius:  “It belonged to my wife.”

X:  “I couldn’t-- It wouldn’t be right.”

Darius:  “Well, it’s either this or the warrior outfit.  I just don’t think the settlers will react very well to that.”

X:  “Well, I don’t think a dress is gonna change their attitude toward me.”

Darius:  “Ah, you’d be surprised by the power of this dress-- She was wearing it the first time I saw her.”

X:  “Even more reason why I shouldn’t wear it.  I don’t want to spoil a beautiful memory.”

Darius:  “Xena, my wife’s memory lives on in my heart-- I want you to wear it.”


Sphaerus:  “You called for me, Father?”

Cycnus:  “I’ve made things easy for you, Sphaerus.”

Sphaerus:  “How’s that?”

Cycnus:  “I’ve arranged a meeting, to talk peace with these simple farmers.”

Sphaerus:  “You mean it?  We’re gonna have a council of peace?”

Cycnus:  “And I want you to go to the meeting and talk to them.”

Sphaerus:  “Definitely, everything can be worked out.”

Cycnus:  “And kill them all-- Make me proud of you, my son.  Make Ares proud, huh?  Make sure he kills them all.”


Lykus:  “Dad, since we’re meeting the men who burned our grain, does that mean we’re friends with them now?”

Darius:  “Not quite.  But still, we’re hoping for peace,  and maybe friendship.”

Argolis:  “It might require a sacrifice.  So, we’ve decided to give them Lykus.”

Lykus:  “What?!”

Darius:  “Argolis!  Don’t taunt your brother.”

Argolis:  “But, it’s so much fun.”

Darius:  “Well, it looks like we’re ready to go to the meeting.”


Sphaerus:  “Uh, while we wait for the others to arrive, I’d like to say how, how happy I am we’re going to be able to settle this issue, once and for all.”

Darius:  “Now you see, I told you we could trust them.”

Tynus:  “What’s she doing here?”

Darius:  “I invited her.

Tynus:  “We need peace-makers, not warriors.   She could ruin everything.”

Darius:  “I thought that--”

X:  “It’s all right-- I’ll wait back here.”

Sphaerus:  “Uh, the violence in our valley is unnecessary.  We have to learn to live together.  I’m, I’m so glad we can meet like this and talk over our differences.”

Darius:  “I think this is gonna work.”

Sphaerus:  “My father has a-- a solution.  And it’s-- it’s my job to present it to you.  We know you came here from Troy, and are tired of the scourge of war.  We are tired, too.  We want peace just as you do, but--”



Sphaerus:  “I--  We-- we need to keep communications open.  It’s the only way we can find a solution.  I hope we can all agree on that.”


Tynus:  “I told you she’d ruin everything!”

X:  “Everybody out!”

Man’s Voice:  “You’ve got the children?”

Sold:  “After them!”

Sphaerus:  “No!  Let them go.”


Darius:  “Why couldn’t you just stay out of it?!”

X:  Darius, those men were waiting there to slaughter you.  Do you really think you could’ve made peace with them?”

Darius:  “Well, I guess I’ll never know.”

X:  “Don’t run.  Sometimes you have to stand and fight.”

Darius:  “Do you think I like running?  Part of me would love to pick up a sword!  But I have _seen_ the pain that war brings.  I can’t do that again.”

X:  “Your suffering will not be eased by letting men like Cycnus crush the innocent.”

Darius:  “Xena, I need to take my children to safety.  It’s what I have to do.  Where are you going?”

X:  “To do what I have to do.”


Cycnus:  “The warrior woman defies me and still lives. You failed.  [I oughtta] kill you right now.”

Sphaerus:  “No-- no, it wasn’t his fault.”

Cycnus:  “Then, whose fault was it?!”

Sphaerus:  “Mine-- I, I didn’t give the signal in time, and I ordered them not to give chase.”

Cycnus:  “Why?”

Sphaerus:  “I, I couldn’t bring myself to murder those helpless people.”

Cycnus:  “My son, the coward.  You disgrace the memory of your brother.”


Argolis:  “Are you gonna fight Cycnus?”

X:  “If it comes to that.”

Lykus:  “You can’t go; they’ll hurt you.”

X:  “Hey.”

Darius:  “It’s something to eat.”

X:  “Thanks.”

Darius:  “You can still change your mind, you kow.”

X:  “I wish I could.”

Darius:  “Take care.”


Tynus:  “Thank you.  Please, ex- excuse this intrusion.  I’ve come to assure you, that we were in no way responsible for the disruption of the meeting.  It was Xena.”

Cycnus:  “Xena?”

Tynus:  “She-- she’s not part of our community.  We want nothing but peace.”

Cycnus:  “Peace-- yes, and peace you shall have very soon.  All your people.  Eternal peace.  Now go back to your flock and await the slaughter.”

Tynus:  “Slaughter?”

Cycnus:  “Prepare my chariot.”

Tynus:  “No, wait.”

Sphaerus:  “Where are you going?”

Cycnus:  “To do what you should have done-- to kill the warrior woman.”

Sphaerus:  “She’s just passing through the land.  I mean, there’s no reason to kill her.”

Cycnus:  “The warrior woman is Xena, a curse on our family.  She killed your brother.”

Sphaerus:  “But, my brother fell in battle near Corinth.”

Cycnus:  “Your brother was murdered by Xena.  Like a coward, she killed him when his back was turned.

Sphaerus:  “I’m going with you-- let me avenge the death of my brother.”

Cycnus:  “How I’ve longed to see that fire in your eyes.  Come-- it’s time for Xena to die.”


G:  “Xena, it’s me!  Where have you been?  I’ve been looking all over for you.”

X:  “I ran into a little trouble.”

G:  “You-- trouble?  That’s a surprise!  You couldn’t send a messenger?  I was worried sick!”

X:  “I’m sorry.”

G:  “Did you just apologize?”

X:  “There’s a farmhouse down the road.  Nice people.  I want you to wait for me there.”

G:  “Where are you going?  No, no.  No-- I’m not waiting around while you have all the fun.  Now, come on.  You going to just stand there all day?”



G:  “I think I might have found my tree in the forest.  He was cute, in sort of a-- a rugged, outdoorsy way-- at least I thought so.  Anyway, things were going fine until we started talking about his father.  And then he just gets up and leaves.  Well, now, I have no way of finding this guy, again.  What if I’m supposed to intertwine with him and have kids?  Now I’ll wind up some lonely, pathetic woman, like-- Never mind.  You haven’t heard a word I said.  Xena, what is it?”

X:  “Get on the horse.”

G:  “No, no, no  I’m want to help you.”

X:  “You can help by getting on the horse.  I need someone to distract them.”

G:  “I’m not very good at this horse thing.”

X:  “Just head downstream, and don’t stop.”


G:  “Xena, this way!  Never mind-- this way!”

X:  “Hold on, Gabrielle!”

G:  “Xena, I’m gonna fall!  Hurry!”

X:  “Hold on!  I’m coming!  Jump!”

G:  “Are you crazy?!”

X:  “Jump!”

G:  “If I die, I’ll never talk to you again!”

X:  “Jump, Gabrielle-- come on!  Jump!  You call that a jump?!”

G:  “No, it was a frantic leap!  Best I could do!”

X:  “Hold the reins.  I’ve lost my chakram!”

G:  “Is that supposed to be funny?!”


G:  “You?  That’s your overbearing father?”

Sphaerus:  “Stay out of my way!”

X:  “Don’t tell me that’s him.”

G:  “Afraid so.”

X:  “Remind me to talk to you sometime about your taste in men.”

Cycnus:  “Xena, I’ve waited a long time for this moment.”

X:  “Have we ever met?”

Cycnus:  “It was the battle of Corinth.  You killed my son.  You remember the name,  Stentor?”

X:  “Stentor?  He died trying to make peace.”

Cycnus:  “Not true-- he was a brave warrior and you stabbed him in the back.”

X:  “He came to me under a banner of peace-- his own men killed him.”

Cycnus:  “You’ll pay for that foul lie.  What are you waiting for?  Kill her!”

G:  “No, this is it, Sphaerus.  This is your moment of choice.”


Sphaerus:  “Father!  Enough!  The killing stops here!”

Cycnus:  “Get out of my way!”

Sphaerus:  “No.  No one else has to die.”

Cycnus:  “You’re wrong.  At least one more has to die.  And if it has to be my cowardly son, so be it.  Peace is an illusion, coward.  There’s only war, death, victory, and vanquish.  There’s no compromise.  Give up, you can’t defeat me.”

Darius:  “Xena!”

Sphaerus:  “No, you’re right.  I can’t-- but I can still win.  I’m not gonna fight anymore, ever!”

Darius:  “Here.”

Sphaerus:  “My brother died for peace!  I’m no better or worse than he!”

Cycnus:  “I should have done this long ago.”

[Xena and Cycnus fight]

Cycnus:  “If you had done this, I would have died proud.”

Sphaerus:  “Call your people together again.  No tricks.  We _will_ have peace.”


G:  “Hey, stranger!”

Sphaerus:  “Hi.  I, uh-- understand you’re leaving.”

G:  “Yeah.  I wanted to say to you that-- well that-- I really don’t know what to say to you.  You, you know, you did a-- a wonderful thing today-- You saved a lot of people.”

Sphaerus:  “I know he was a terrible man-- but he was my father.”

G:  “Do you remember what I said about making a choice?”

Sphaerus:  “I don’t have any regrets.”

G:  “I have to go.”

Sphaerus:  “Gabrielle?”

G:  “Yes?”

Sphaerus:  “Thanks.”

G:  “No problem.”

Men’s Voices:  “To prosperity!”  “To the future!”


Tynus:  “Xena-- Can I talk to you?  I may-- I may have been guilty of a misjudgment.  Not that we agree with your methods--”

X:  “You’re wecome.  And don’t worry, I’m leaving.”

Tynus:  “Fine.”

Lykus:  “Xena, Xena, you can’t leave.”

X:  “I have to.”

Argolis:  “Who’s gonna teach Lykus how to ride?”

Lykus:  “I can so ride.”

Argolis:  “Can not!”

X:  “You guys will be just fine.  What’s wrong?”

Sarita:  “Stay.”

Argolis:  “Dad, she spoke.”

Sarita:  “Daddy, I want Xena to stay.”

X:  “I wish I could.”

Lykus:  “Why can’t you, Xena?”

Argolis:  “Don’t you like us?”

Darius:  “Of course, she likes us.  Uh, now, kids, go.  I have to talk to Xena for a moment.”

X:  “So, what have we got to talk about?”

Darius:  “I know words really don’t mean too much.  But all I can say is I have a home.  I have a family  There’s no reason you can’t have those things, too.”

X:  “One day, maybe.  The strange thing is, I have never thought about having any of these things until now.”

Darius:  “I hope you find your happiness.”

X:  “I did-- I just have to leave it for a while.”


G:  “Are you all right?”

X:  “Yeah, fine.  Do you ever miss your family?”

G:  “Sometimes-- but not as much when I’m with you.  So do you want me to drive?”

X:  “Not on your life.  Not on my life.”

G:  “Hey!”

X:  “You sure you don’t want to ride?”

G:  “Not till they make those things closer to the ground.  I learned something really important today.”

X:  “That you can find goodness in unlikely places?”

G:  “Yes-- and that I really, really hate chariots.”

Click here to return to the CHARIOTS OF WAR page.

Guide Table of ContentsBack to Whoosh!