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TRANSCRIPTION OF
WARRIOR...PRIESTESS...TRAMP



"Warrior... Priestess... Tramp"  Episode 10/56

[Note:  I tried to capture Leah's dialogue phonetically]

[TEASER]

[Fight]

Dexon:  "Xena?"

Leah [L] (dressed as Xena):  "'R'you Dexon?"

Dexon:  "You lookin' to die?  What is this?  Some kind of a
trick?"

L:  "I come in peace."

Dexon:  "Right-- and I'm Cupid-- spreading love wherever I go.
What do you
really
want?"

L:  "To see you give up your wawwior ways.  The violence that you
thrive on
is a disease,
Dexon.  It grows inside you.  And it wobs you of your humanity."

Dexon:  "You say that like it's a bad thing."

L:  "It is-- but it doesn't have to be that way.  We can put
aside our
differences.  We can
bury our weapons.  We can learn to live together in peace.  I'm
willing to
do whatever it
takes-- to sacrifice everything."

Dexon:  "You've got a knife stashed under that breastplate."

L:  "Dexon-- maybe this will convince you to twust me.  Look at
me, Dexon.
See me as I
truly am-- not a wawwior, but a champion of peace-- willing to
die for it."

Dexon:  "I'm moved-- truly.  I hardly know what to say, except--
grab her!"

L:  [Faints]

Male Voice:  "Isn't that Xena?"

Female Voice:  "They're going to burn her at the stake!"

G:  "Have you lost your mind?  What are you doing?  These people
are going
to kill you."

L:  "I am not afraid to die.  Not if it is Hestia's will."

G:  "Hestia?  The virgin goddess?  What does she have to do with
the price
of grapes in
Carthage?"

L:  "She is my salvation.  I do as she ordains."

G:  "Since when?"

Dexon:  "All right, boys-- light her up!"

G:  "Here-- catch!"

L:  "Hey!"

G:  "I get it.  This is about me bugging you for more
responsibility, isn't
it?  You wanna
see if I can rescue you without your help.  I can do that.
Excuse me."

Dexon:  "Get the girl!"

G:  "Hey!  Let me go!  Son of a Bacchae!  You happy now?!  Of all
the
stubborn-- 
pig-headed-- !"

Fat Man:  "Hey!  What do you think you're doing?!"

G:  "None of your business-- Tubby.  That's right, I'm talking to
you."

Fat Man:  "Come here!"

G:  "Thanks.  I guess you're not gonna help me with this,
either."

L:  "Well-- if it is Hestia's will, uh-- "

G:  "I'm not laughing!"

Dexon:  "You're dead!"

Fat Man:  "It wasn't me; it was her!"

Dexon:  "Stop them!"

G:  "Go!"

Male Voice:  "Come back here, you!"

G:  "Toward the left!  Go!  Hurry!"

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Male Voice:  "They must've gone this way!"

G:  "You almost got us killed!  What were you thinking?"

L:  "I'm on a mission."

G:  "A mission?  [Giggles]  Well, you had _better_ fill me in.
Because,
this, this-- burning
yourself at the stake stuff is way over the top."

L:  "Hey!"

G:  "You left your chakram at the square!  Yeah, well, you're
gonna have to
get it! 
Unless you want me to do it."

X:  "My child, you seem a little troubled."

G:  "'Troubled' is a polite word for what I am!  Callisto--
you've come
back
somehow, to
drive me insane!  Pr-- Princess Diana-- I, I should have known,
I-- .  Meg?
You really had
me going.  You're not Meg."

L:  "Permit me to introduce myself.  I am Leah-- head priestess
of the
temple of Hestia."

G:  "You're kidding me, right?"

L:  "No."

G:  "A Hestian virgin?"

L:  "Are there any other sort?"

G:  [Laughs]  "This is almost too good."

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[ACT I]

G:  "Hi, Xena."

X (dressed as X):  "Hi.  Sorry, I didn't catch up with you today.
I ran
into Zagreus near
Corinth.  Said he'd assembled a new army.  Turns out to be an
imaginary
one,
worse than
[?]."

G:  [Laughs]

X:  "What are you grinning at?"

G:  "You see, I ran into someone in town."

X:  "Mmm."

G:  "Someone really, really interesting.  At least, I think
you'll find her
interesting."

X:  "Mm-hmm."

G:  "Xena, for once, can you just-- just play along?"

X:  "All right.  Gee, Gabrielle, who is it?  I simply have to
know.  The
suspense is killing--
Diana."

L (dressed as X):  "Oh."

G:  "Nope."

X:  "Meg."

L:  "Oh."

G:  "That's wrong again.  [Laughs]  You give up?  Xena, Warrior
Princess,
meet Leah--
the priestess-- the Hestian priestess.  The Hestian virgin
priestess."

L:  "Ye gods on Mt. Olympus.  It's a miracle.  Let's join hands
and praise
Hestia!  Praise
Hestia!  Praise Hestia!  Praise Hestia!  Praise-- "

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G:  "So, you-- cast these stones, and they told you to confront
Dexon."

L (dressed as X):  "Oh, not just stones.  Hestian stones, the
voice of the
goddess herself."

X (dressed as X):  "What about that outfit?"

L:  "I found this vile garment in my chamber-- no offense."

X:  "None taken."

L:  "I took it as a sign from the goddess-- dress like a wawwior
to
confwont
a wawwior. 
I had no idea I'd be mistaken for you."

G:  "Then, you always listen to Hestia."

L:  "Well, of course.  It's not my place to question the wisdom
of the
goddess.  We must
all place our faith in Hestia.  Do I sense a nonbeliever among
us?"

X:  "I just think that you'd do better if you put more faith in
yourself."

L:  "Well-- looks like someone's caught a speeding chariot
straight for
Tartarus.  What
about you, Gabrielle?  Hmm?  Surely, you place more faith in the
all-knowing,
ever-powerful gods than you do in yourself."

X:  "Yeah."

G:  [Laughs]  "Actually, I'm with Xena on this one."

L:  "Ahh-- heathens to the left of me; infidels to the right.
Huh.
Tremendous.  Next thing,
you'll be telling me you're not virgins.  Huuuuuh!"

X:  "Can I have a word with you?"

G:  "Excuse us, Priestess?"

[X and G step off to the side, but remain in the same scene]

L:  "Oh, yes, I think I'm in need of a little quiet reflection.
Oh,
Hestia.
If denying the
flesh is the path to true wighteousness, then what lessons can I
learn from
these wanton
strumpets?"

G:  "You don't have to be a virgin to be virtuous."

L:  "Oh, yes.  You keep telling yourself that, Dear."

X:  "Something is wrong, here."

G:  "I'll say.  I thought all Hestians were sweet and kind and--
"

X:  "Never mind that.  Someone is using Leah's blind devotion and
me to do
her harm. 
Maybe even to kill her.  We should take her back where she
belongs, and get
to the
bottom of this."

L:  "And how can I pass your wisdom on to these women of
questionable
virtue-- who so
obviously disregard the purity of their own bodies."

G:  "I was married at the time."

L:  "Yes, well, we all have our little excuses, don't we?"

G:  "Were you?"

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Bald Priest (Thoracles, I presume):  "Virgins only."

G:  "What is it, written on my forehead?  Look, it's all right.
My friend
and I have
brought back Priestess Leah."

Thoracles:  "What are you talking about?  The Priestess is right
there."

Balius:  "And now, the Priestess Leah will lead us all in a
prayer."

Meg/L (dressed as L):  "OK-- so let's kick off today's ceremony
with a
pawable.  A
centaur and a cyclops go into a bar.  And the bartender says to
the
cyclops-- "

Balius:  [Clears throat]

Meg/L:  "Is there a problem, huh?"

Balius:  "Everyone is waiting here to hear Hestia's divine
message.  The
Hestian stones,
your Eminence."

Meg/L:  "Aw, well-- now we're talkin'.  Come in, seven!
Priestess needs
new
sandals."

G:  "That's Meg."

X (dressed in robe):  "Well, it sure ain't no virgin."

Man:  "I couldn't help overhearing.  If you're looking for Meg,
she owns a
tavern down
the road.  Catch you there later?"

G:  "Don't count on it."

Meg/L:  "OK, girls-- be honest.  Who among us here, really is a
virgin?"

G:  "Xena, what is she up to?"

X:  "I don't know, but I'm goin' to find out.  Take Leah to that
tavern.
She'll be safe
there if you disguise her as Meg."

L (dressed in robe):  "But, why would I need a disguise?  A
Hestian virgin
is welcome
everywhere."

G:  [Laughs]  Wait, now, where are you going?"

X:  "To talk to an old friend."

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Meg (dressed as L):  "I knew there'd be something to drink around
here."

X (dressed in robe):  "Hello, Meg."

Meg:  "What are you doing here?"

X:  "I could ask you the same thing."

Meg:  "You got some nerve, Priestess.  Abandoning your flock just
when they
needed ya. 
And a woman of the cloth.  Probably out sewing your wild oats.
Ya make me
sick.  Go
on, get outta here!"

X:  "You don't wanna be doing that, Meg."

Meg:  "Oh-- so, the little virgin wants to play rough, huh?  Eh?
How'd you
like a trip to
Mt. Olympus, courtesy of my fist?!  Hello, Xena."

X:  "Hello, Meg."

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L (dressed in robe):  "Oh, very well, I will play the part of the
wetched
lush, Meg, but I
hardly think anyone will be fooled."

G:  "Yes, they will."  [Disrobes L, then adjusts her outfit]

L (dressed as Meg):  "You really are a very nice, albeit
misguided-- young
person,
Gabrielle.  It's a great pity I didn't get 'hold of you sooner.
You
would've made an
excellent Hestian."

G:  "Thanks.  I don't think so."

L:  "Well, the chaste life's not so bad.  Once you get used to
it.  You
simply have to
follow the Hestian rules.  Rule 1-- know thyself.  Rule 2--
whatever-- "

G:  "Believe me.  If I have to go the rest of my life without
companionship,
knowing
myself won't be a problem.  There you go-- you're done!  Can you
look--
sexy? 
Alluring?"

L:  "Oh.  [Sighs].  Do I capture her essence?"

G:  "Yeah."

L:  It's not going to be as hard as I thought."

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[ACT II]

Meg (dressed as L):  "So, Balius comes to me with a sob story
that Leah's
disappearance
deserted those poor girls-- I mean, virgins.  He asked me to fill
in for
her
at the ceremony
tonight.  You know-- hand out the wine, make up a few blessings.
And I
thought, what
the hey, I'm in the mood for a good deed."

X (dressed in robe):  "Tell me more about Balius."

Meg:  "Bali?  Well, he's the head priest.  A bit of a cream puff
if you ask
me.  What are
you doing?"

X:  "I'm going to take your place.  I'm gonna find out who's
trying to get
Leah and why. 
Stay here.  And don't make trouble."

Meg:  "How could I make trouble?  I'm a virgin!  Great bed."

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G:  "Meg, what happened?"

Harlot:  "Meg, where have you been?  We got problems.  Kara's got
some guy
in room 3. 
I think she's giving him a freebie."

L/Meg (dressed as Meg):  "A fweebie?  Gabrielle, what's she
talking about?"

G:  "Um-- what Meg means is-- why not let me-- um-- her new
assistant, help
you? 
That's good thinking, Meg.  Why don't you just wait by the bar
and I'll be
back."

L/Meg:  "Oh."

G:  "OK, I'm ready, huh-- I think."

Joxer [J]:  "Ladies, Meg-- your prayers have been answered."

Women:  "Joxer!  Look, it's Joxer!"

J:  "Ha-ha."

Women:  "Me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me.  [Sing]

Joxer the Mighty,
Master of virility,
Every woman wants him,
He's so sexy it's a sin,

If you want a special tryst,
He's the man you can't resist,
By every measure he's a prize!
Joxer:  Just check out my shoe size!
Just check out his shoe size!
Joxer:  Ha-Ha!
He's Joxer, Joxer the Mighty!
[insert demenTed instrumental solo]
Joxer:  Ha-Ha!

Joxer the Mighty,
Captain of debauchery.
Never seems to get enough
Of our tantalizing stuff.

If you need some company,
With Joxer there's a guarantee,
Joxer:  Of the highest potency!
Wench:  Heck, I'd even work for free!
Lea:  Take your filthy hands off me!!!
Joxer:  Hmm?
He's-- Joxer, Joxer the Mighty!

L:  "What do you think you are doing?  I am a Hestian virgin!"

J:  "Oh, oh-- I-- oh!  Right.  Well, um [clears throat]--
perhaps, the,
uh--
Hestian virgin--
would like to teach naughty Joxer a lesson.  Ha-ha!  I'm waitin',
my little
donut.  Hi,
Gabrielle.  Hi, Gabrielle.  Ah, ah, hi, hi, hi-- how you doing?
Good,
fine.
I'm just-- I'm
fine.  Uh-- what're you doing here?"

G:  "Huh!  I'd like to ask you the same thing."

J:  "Oh."

G:  "But, I don't want to know.  Come here."

J:  "Oh.  Oh, oh, I can't-- oh-- sheesh!  Wait a minute.  The
woman I love
is working here. 
I've gotta stop her.  On the other hand-- I am just a-- small
business
transaction away
from pressing my lips against her.  What am I saying?"

Wench:  "Yeah."

J:  "Gabrielle-- whatever terrible tragedy brought you into this
life-- I
want you to stop it."

G:  "Joxer, it's a long story, but I do not work here.  OK-- "

J:  "Wa-wa-wa-wa- wait, wait wait.  So, you-- you're on a
mission?"

G:  "Right.  Um-- I think you should know this.  This is not Meg.
This is
Leah-- the
Hestian priestess."

J:  "Wait, wait, wait a minute, wait a minute.  Meg-- has a
double?  Which
looks-- "

G:  "Yeah?"

J:  "-- like a-- virgin priestess."

G:  "Mmm"

J:  [Sighs and moans]

G:  "You OK?

J:  "Of course I'm not OK!  I just defiled a virgin Priestess."

G:  "Let's go.  Come on."

J:  "I'm going straight to Tartarus, now."

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Balius:  "What're you doing?"

X/Meg (dressed as L):  "Bali.  I just got bored, so I started
lookin'
around.  This is pretty! 
What is it?  It's not a Hestian medallion.  Something tells me
you're not a
Hestian priest."

Balius:  "You breathe a word to anyone-- you're dead!"

X/Meg:  "You got something cooking against the Hestians?  Come
on.  Cut me
in on the
action."

Balius:  "We'll see.  For now, just you play your part, my little
tramp."

X/Meg:  "Mmm."

Thoracles:  [Clears throat]  "Balius.  May I have a word with
you-- in
private?"

X/Meg:  "Oh, I can take a hint.  See you later, Bali."

Thoracles:  "Who was that woman?"

Balius:  "Meg, of course.  Why?"

Thoracles:  "If that was Meg-- who's at the temple altar--
polishing off
the
sacrifical
wine?"

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Balius:  "Hello, Meg."

Meg (dressed as L):  Bali.  I was just making a contribution.
Hey, you
know
everyone
around the temple-- maybe you can help.  Does Leah have any
enemies?
Someone who
might be trying to knock her off and take over as Priestess?"

Balius:  "Why do you ask?"

Meg:  "I'm just trying to help out a friend.  She says someone
might be
trying to kill
Leah."

Balius:  "Would that friend be Xena?"

Meg:  "I _can't_ say.  But if you can't trust a man of the cloth,
who can
ya
trust, huh? 
Yeah-- it's Xena.  She's a really, really good friend of mine.
She's
checking out the
temple as we speak."

Balius:  "Thank Hestia she's here.  Tell me, is Leah all right?"

Meg:  "Yeah, couldn't be better.  She's hiding out at my place,
pretending
to be me.  Ain't
that a kick in the head."

Balius:  "It certainly is.  In any event, I'm gonna need your
services for
the ceremony
tonight.  You're the only one who can do justice to the part."

Meg:  "Really?  I'm that good?"

Balius:  "Absolutely.  The ceremony wouldn't be the same without
you."

Meg:  "Excellent.  OK."

Balius:  "Xena's here.  Take a contingent of guards-- and search
the
temple.
Make sure
she doesn't escape."

Thoracles:  "What about the Priestess?"

Balius:  "Xena can't be in two places at once.  I'll send a few
men down to
the tavern, to
slit Leah's throat."

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[ACT III]

X (dressed as L):  "I thought I told you to stay put."

Meg (dressed as L):  "Ah-- well, I got thirsty."

X:  "You were wrong about Balius.  He's a Deilian.  They despise
all
Hestians.  He set
Leah up, and he's got plans for the other Hestians as well.
Something
wrong?"

Meg:  "Mm-mm.  Mm."

X:  "All right.  You stay out of sight.  I need more time to
check out what
he's up to."

Meg:  "OK."

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Virgin:  "Priestess-- it's time for declarations."

X/L (dressed as L):  "Look, can-- can this wait?  I'm really busy
right
now."

Virgin:  "What's gotten into you?  You know we must declare our
sins to you
at the same
time every day."

X/L:  "Shoot."

Virgin:  "It all started in the garden.  I was happily tilling
the soil--
when my eyes fell upon
something magnificent-- the summer squash.  Priestess?"

X/L:  [Fighting Thoracles]  "Go on-- I'm listening."

Virgin:  "My mind raced.  Surely, the gods wouldn't have given us
such...
Is
everything all
right, Priestess?"

X/L:  "Yes, perfect.  Go on."

Virgin:  "Well-- "

X:  "So, Balius knows I'm here.  What else does he know?"

Thoracles:  "He knows about Leah.  He sent men to Meg's place to
kill her."

Virgin:  "What was that, Priestess?"

X/L:  "Ah, nothing.  Please continue."

X:  "And the other Hestians-- what's he going to do with them?"

Thoracles:  "He's gonna kill 'em-- at the ceremony.  That's all I
know!"

Virgin:  "I can't even enjoy salad without-- feeling guilty.
Wait!  I need
your advice."

X/L:  "Look.  Sometimes, it is best to take matters into your own
hands."

Virgin 2:  "Well?"

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L (dressed as Meg):  "Gabrielle.  Where are you?  

Woman's Voice:  [Scream]

L:  "Gab-- "

Female Voice:  [Whip cracking]  "Who's been a naughty
blacksmith?"

Male Voice:  "I have."

L:  "Ohh!"

Sheep  [Bleats]

L:  "I hope that's a petting zoo.  Oh, please, let that be a
petting zoo!
Sweet Hestia, I'm
in a den of filth!"

G:  "Leah?!  What are you doing here?!"

L:  "Oh."

Male Voice:  [Whip cracks]  "Ow!"

L:  "Gabrielle-- you knew what kind of a place this was, and you
still kept
me here with
these-- these-- harlots."

G:  "N-now look.  I, I know this place isn't perfect.  And, and,
and--
maybe
it was a bad
idea to bring you here, but, but-- Leah, if you stop to think
about it--
what better place for
a person like you to do some good?"

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[Singing]:  "Onward virgin soldiers, marching us to war."

L (dressed as L):  "Please-- you have to be supported by your
diaphwagm.
All right, we'll
try it one more time."

[Singing]:  "Onward virgin soldiers, marching us to war."

L:  "I'll make virgins of them yet.  Smile!"

[Singing]:  "Onward virgin soldiers-- "

Harlot:  "Hey, girls, there's a whole _bunch_ of guards coming
down from
the
Hestian
temple.  Looks like it's gonna be a busy _night_!"

L:  "Well all right, but remember to practice those high notes!"

G:  "We've got trouble."

L:  "Hmm?"

G:  "Where did you get this outfit?"

L:  "I found it in a back room.  There were lots of costumes in
there.
Maybe they're
planning a party."

G:  [Giggles]  "Never mind.  Look-- you've gotta hide.  I'll try
to
convince
them you're
not here.  And, the choir was a nice touch."

L:  "It was, wasn't it?  Gabrielle-- thanks.  [Sings]  Onward
Virgin-- "

Harlot:  "OK, girls, now thank you.  Be busy, make me proud, have
a good
time.  And
we've got the basement all ready for you.  Are you coming?"

G:  "Yeah-- I'll be right there."

Harlot:  "OK, fine, Dear."

G:  "I thought I told you to hide.  Look, it's gonna be all
right-- come
on."

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Soldier's Voice:  "Keep moving."

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J:  "Your Holiness.  Please-- forgive me.  To think I could've
mistaken
someone like you--
an innocent, sheltered woman-- for somebody like Meg, who's been
around the
block
plenty-- believe me.  You may give me your punishment as you see
fit."

Meg (dressed as L)  [Punches J]:  "Hah!"

J:  [Moans]  "Why-- ?  Aww-- boy, you virgins pack a wallop.
Must be all
that pent-up
energy."

L (dressed as L):  "I don't know what you're talking about.  I'm
just
looking for a place
to hide."

J:  "From who?"

L:  "The temple gods.  I should've straightened this out while I
had the
chance.  Who
could expect Meg to play a convincing virgin?  Once it's over,
it's over!"

J:  "Wait a minute!  You mean Meg is posing as you in the
temple!"

L:  "Well, at least she was.  I don't know where I am.  Oh-- the
guards.
They must have
discovered her.  That's why they're here!"

J:  "That makes trouble.  I've got to save her.  Say a prayer for
me,
Priestess.  Ugh!"

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Meg (dressed as L):  "Oh-- Leah-- I know you're really mad at me,
and I
don't blame you
one little bit, but I swear, I didn't know that Bali was a bad
guy."

X (dressed as L):  "Meg, I-- "

Meg:  "No, you gotta give me a chance to make it up to ya.
Bali's guards
are outside, so
you stay here, and I'll go out there and pretend to be you
pretending to be
me.  You see? 
Curses!  Too late!  Step back!  It's me you want.  I am the holy
woman!"

[Xena defeats bad guys]

Meg:  "Hello, Xena.  I'm sorry I messed up."

X:  "It's all right, Meg."

G:  "-- so I can hear them."

X:  "You all right?"

G:  "OK.  I can do this.  You're Leah.  You must be-- "

Meg:  "Souvenirs are giving me chafing."

G:  "-- Meg.  And that means that you-- "

X:  "Just glad everyone's all in one piece.  How many guards are
outside?"

G:  "Too many.  And they're well armed."

Meg:  "Don't worry about that.  My girls will take care of them."

G:  "Well, that's great, but we have a bigger problem.  Joxer's
gone to the
temple to save
you, Meg."

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Balius:  "Fools!  How could you let Meg escape?!  If she's not
here to pose
as Leah at
tonight's ceremony, my plan will never succeed!  The stupid tramp
is
probably back at the
tavern, protected by Xena!  How am I gonna get her back in
time?!"

J:  "I'll save you, Meeeg!  Ugh.  Ugh.  Oh.  Meg.  Gee, you got
big feet
for
a girl.  I
always thought that the g- g-- hi fellas.  Nice uniforms.  Got
your
tailor's
address?  You
know, we could all get together and have lunch some-- evening.
Well,
I'll--
call you then. 
Bye-bye."

Balius:  "A gift from the gods."

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X (dressed as L):  "I think our work here is done.  Meg, you and
your girls
did a great job. 
Now, we have to get Leah back to the temple, and show Balius up
for what he
really is. 
Come on."

L (dressed as L):  "Bye.  Bye."

Meg (dressed as L):  "Good luck."

L/Meg:  "Bye.  Bye.  What do you want of me?"

Balius:  "You, my dear wench, are gonna help me fulfill my
greatest
fantasy-- wipe the
Hestian virgins off the face of the earth!  Guards!"

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-----------

--------------------

[ACT IV]

L/Meg (dressed as L):  "Hi, evewyone.  I think I'm getting
stage-fwight.
You don't want
me to lose it all over them virgins, do ya?"

Balius:  "I'll take my chances.  You want Joxer to live, don't
you,
Priestess?"

L/Meg:  "Yeah."

Balius:  "You don't want to do that."

L/Meg:  "Poison?"

Balius:  "Give each of them a glass-- and then read this
proclamation,
written in Hestian. 
Then they'll drink the poison, and it will all be over."

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-----------

--------------------

Thoracles:  "Priestess Leah."

X/L (dressed as L):  "I need help, Xena!"

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-----------

--------------------

Thoracles:  "We've captured the priestess trying to enter the
temple. 
Shall
we execute
her?"

Balius:  "Throw her in the dungeon.  I wanna see the look on her
face when
all her sweet
little Hestians-- are dead."

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-----------

--------------------

J:  "You connect anyone in mythology, back with the great
warrior,
Thalidopes.  OK,
look.  Let's say we wanted to connect-- Echidna-- the mother of
all
monsters-- with
Thalidopes.  OK, now-- you're probably saying, 'How's he gonna do
that,
right?  It's
like-- right?'  OK, well-- um-- Echidna met Hercules-- who saved
her baby,
Obi, and--
Hercules met Thalidopes-- when he rescued the golden fleece.  Get
it?  OK,
you wanna try
it?"

Thoracles:  "Open up!  Here's the priestess to keep you company.
But don't
get too
cozy."

J:  "Ow!"

Thoracles:  "You'll both be dead by dawn."

J:  "Yeah, well don't bet on it, roadblock!  Eh, the nerve of
that guy.
Don't worry about
it, Priestess; I'll take care of everything.  You just wait.
First of all,
gotta get that big
dumb-looking guy with the keys to come over.  Then once he's
lured in, I'll
wait for the
right moment and _pounce_ on him!  Yeah.  Then I'll grab the keys
from him,
stick 'em in
the door, turn it, and let us out.  I tell you, it's so easy,
Priestess,
any
idiot could do it."

X (dressed as L):  "Come on, idiot."

J:  "Hi, Xena."

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-----------

--------------------

[G and Meg fight guards]

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-----------

--------------------

L/Meg (dressed as L):  "And now we'll pause for a bwief musical
interlude.
These are the
words of Hestia.  'Dama anowee.  Esti kai kalowee.  Esti kalowee
kai.  Esti
kalowee kai."

Balius:  "Worshipers of Hestia, see what your goddess has done.
She has
killed those
most loyal to her-- and betrayed your trust.  It's time you all
converted
to
Deilianism-- the
one true religion.  Hestianism is dead-- not by the hand of man--
but by
the
very words of
the goddess herself."

L/Meg:  "Kalistweea.  Kalowee kai."

Man:  "It's a miracle!"

Balius:  "I don't understand.  You told them not to swallow.
You're not
Meg.  The only
woman who knows the ancient Hestian language is-- Leah."

L/L:  "That's wight-- Bali.  And you're headed for the dungeon,
my man!"

Balius:  "Not before you die."

J:  "Unhand that Hestian!"

Balius:  "You can't stop me!  Get her!"

[Fight throughout the remainder of the scene]

Balius:  "I will succeed, Priestess- even if I have to kill every
Hestian
myself-- starting
with you."

Meg (dressed as L):  "Ouch!"

X (dressed as X):  "Can you come take over here?"

G:  "My pleasure!"

Meg:  "Excellent!"

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--------------------

Balius:  "Stay away from us!"

X:  "You're a religious man, Balius.  I got three words for you.
Say your
prayers.  Leah. 
What would Hestia say about your use of physical violence?"

L:  "In this case, I think she'd say-- 'Nicely done.'"

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--------------------

Male Voice:  "-- behind the bush!"

L (dresses as L):  "I just wanted to show my gratitude.  I know
that-- I
know that I may
have misjudged you."

G:  "Maybe a little."

L:  "Maybe a lot.  I guess I never really thought there was
anything
worthwhile outside the
temple, but-- you've proved me wrong, and I'm glad.  Thank you.
I still
think you'd make
a gweat virgin."


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