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TRANSCRIPTION OF
THE QUILL IS MIGHTIER...



"The Quill is Mightier"  Episode 310/56

[TEASER]

First Boy:  "Come on!  Xena rocks!"

Second:  "Aphrodite blows!"

[Graffiti:  "ELECT XENA GOD"  "XENA RULES"  "XENA'S da BOMB"]

Aphrodite [Aph]:  "Delinquent losers!  I've got half a mind to
hit you
with-- "

Ares:  "A love bolt?  Hardly seems a threat.  My, my-- they
certainly made
a
mess here."

Aph:  "Back off, Ar, I'm bummed out enough."

Ares:  "You  know what your problem is."

Aph:  "Duh!  Your little Xena!"

Ares:  [Makes buzzer noise]  "Gabrielle, her friend.  See, I only
made the
warrior.  She
made the legend.  Have you read any of her so-called stories?
Huh.  A
warrior who loves
the common person.  You'd think she was a goddes.  Pretty soon,
when people
think of
'love,' they're gonna think Xena, not Aphrodite."

Aph:  "Xena?"

Ares:  "Don't blame her.  It's Gabrielle and her busy quill.
That's your
problem."

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G:  "I love starting a new scroll.  The feel of it in your hands.
The
look-- so clean.  So
perfectly empty.  Listen-- the way it crinkles the first time you
open it.
And that smell. 
It's just a-- special, untouched scent.  Try it."

X:  "It smells like musty old leather to me."

G:  "Well, to the noncreative person, perhaps.  Let's see.  Your
last
adventure began
with--"

X:  "Don't you ever get tired of just writing down what I do?
Why don't
you
create new
characters?  New images?"

G:  "You mean fiction?  Well, I thought about trying that--
someday.  Do
you
really think
I could?"

X:  "Give it a shot-- quietly.  Good night."

G:  "'Xena-- '"

X:  "And make someone else the hero for a change."

G:  "'Xena-- had gone fishing.  The lone warrior, Gabrielle,
awoke with a
jerk-- as five
barbarians rode out of the woods.  Twirling her trusty staff, she
delivered
kicks of such
fury.'  This fictiona stuff can be really fun."

Aph:  "Oh, yeah-- a lot of fun."

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G:  "Xena!  We've got company!  Xena!  Wake up!  Wake up!  Xena!
Xena!
OK-- you
asked for it!  Round and up and down she goes!  Where she stops,
nobody
knows!"

Barbarians  "Huh?"  

J:  [Screams]

Barbarian:  [Screams]

G:  "Ow."  

Barbarians:  "Ow!  She's too much for us!"  "Let's get out of
here!" 
"Yah!"
"Yah!" 
"Yah!"

J:  "And don't come back!"

G:  "Did you see that?!  Backflips!  I don't do backflips."

J:  "Do you have armor on, under there?"

G:  "Where's Xena?  Who were those-- ?  What are you-- ?  Wait a
minute.
'Xena had
gone-- the lone warrior, Gabrielle-- five barbarians-- she
started twirling
her trusty staff,
delivering kicks of-- such fury-- defleced the thrust of a sword
with her
mighty abs.  I
wrote this."

J:  "Whoa-- whoa, whoa, wait, wait, wait.  Are you saying,
anything you
write in there
comes true?  Excuse me while I laugh.  [Laughs]"

G:  "Yeow!  Catch!"

J:  "Ow.  Ow.  Something's wrong with this stick.  Why'd I do
that?" 

G:  "Because I wrote you did.  I can write anything-- and-- and
it comes
true."

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[ACT I]

G:  "In my hands, this scroll could be a gift to mankind.  Xena
will be
very
proud when
she comes back from fishing."

J:  "Fishing?"

G:  "I wrote her fishing."

J:  "What'd you write to bring me here?  Like, uh-- you know?
Gabrielle,
uh-- appeared
with a-- guy with the heart of a lion, soul of a warrior-- that
kind of
thing.  Let's see, uh
[clears throat]-- 'Xena has gone fi-- '"

G:  "'Fishing.'"

J:  "'Fishing.  Gabrielle awoke with a jerk.  Gabrielle awoke
with a jerk.'
That's a funny
phrase.  I can't find anything.  I must've come here on my own.
What do we
do now?"

G:  "What do we do?  What won't we do?  Stories can be anything
we want
them
to be. 
Happy endings can truly happen, Joxer."

J:  "Hmm."

G:  "Excuse me.  Aren't you the Sisters of Gaea?"

Sisters:  "Yes."

G:  "Is there-- something that we can do to, um-- help you?

1st Sister:  "We're collecting goods for our orphans-- things we
can sell
in
our shop in
town.  If you have anything-- "

2nd Sister:  "Now, that would fetch a pretty dinar."

J:  [Laughs]  "Yes, I'm sure it would, but-- I wouldn't give this
up just
for anybody.  Still,
for the, uh-- Sisters of Gaea."

G:  "She means your scabbard."

J:  "Oh, right.  Uh-- no, no-- oh, no-- I couldn't.  My father
gave me
this.
It was the only
thing he ever gave me-- except get the sword, myself.  I wouldn't
part with
this for
anything."

2nd Sister:  "Oh-- too bad.  Ceremonial weapons and the like are
a hot
commodity in
Kargas."

J:  "Oh."

G:  "Well, you know, Sister-- I think you're going to get a
surprise gift--
right about
now."

Man:  "Here."

1st Sister:  "This will provide for our orphans for years!"

2nd Sister:  "Yes, it's a miracle."

G:  "You're welcome."

2nd Sister:  "Thank you."

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Scaborus:  "Give me back my kinsman's sword!"

Man:  "I just gave it away.  Why did I do that?"

Scaborus:  "Well-- it doesn't really matter now, does it?!"

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Aph:  [Whistles]  "Did the little blonde girlie scare the big,
hairy men?"

Barbarian:  "We are barbarians.  We fear nothing."

Barbarian's Voice:  "Yeah."

Barbarian:  "We fight-- with the heart of a lion."

Aph:  "And you run with the feet of a chicken.  Now-- get back on
your
horsies-- and go
back after her."

Barbarian's Voice:  "Yes, Ma'am."

Aph:  [Sighs]  "Barbarians."

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J:  [Makes shadow dog and barking noises]

G:  "We don't need your money, Joxer.  I've got it covered.  How
much will
that be?"

Innkeeper:  "Tha-- that will be-- free.  All the food is free!
And the
drinks-- are on the
house!"

G:  "You see there?  All the food is free-- and the drinks are on
the-- "

Male Voice:  "Free mead!  I can't hold on-- !"

G:  "I think I have to be a bit more careful with my wording.
Hey."

J:  "Good ale."

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Thallonius:  "No way, Ares.  Not until I know for sure that Xena
has left
the valley."

Ares:  "I'm giving you my word.  I've taken care of it; she's
gone."

Thallonius:  [Chuckles]  "My men might believe that.  I can
barely hold
them
back.  They
wanna loot that valley now.  Xena, or no Xena-- but I'm not that
stupid."

Ares:  [Choking Warlord]  "And how stupid are you?  Stupid enough
to call
the god of
war a liar?"

Thallonius:  "May- may- maybe-- but I'm definitely not stupid
enough to go
up against
Xena."

Ares:  "Keep your men here.  I'll give you a signal.  You'll know
Xena's
gone then."

Thallonius:  "But what-- what's the signal?"

Ares:  "You'll know when you see it."

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Male Voices:  "That's what I think."  "I'll drink to that!"  Fill
her up!"

G:  "Well-- time's a-wasting.  We've got a lot of good to do
today, Joxer--
a lot of good."

Male Voices:  "I love you, man."  Hah!  You're drunk!"  "Who are
you
calling
drunk?"

Vilius:  [Belches]

Innkeeper:  "Come on, Vilius.  You've had enough!"

Vilius:  "Who are you to tell me I've had enough!"

[Barroom brawl starts to break out.]

G:  "You know?  There's always one drunk who spoils it for
everyone."

J:  "One drunk?"

Male Voices:  "Hey!  That's my mead!"

[Aph materializes as brawl breaks out in full fury.]

J:  "Couldn't get any worse."

G:  "Well, this wasn't supposed to happen."

Barbarian:  "Where are they?!"

J:  "It got worse."

Barbarian:  "You.  You think you can make fools of us?  We-- are
barbarians.
We will--
go west."

Another Barbarian:  "Huh?"

Barbarian:  "Yes.  We will go west."

Woman:  "The barbarians are headed for the Sisters of Gaea
orphanage!"

Aph:  [Laughs]

G:  "Minor setback.  'They turned east.'"

Barbarian:  "No!  We go east!"

Woman:  "Now they're heading for Akanacia!"

Aph:  [Laughs]

G:  "Um, 'The barbarians disappeared from the land!'"

Barbarian:  "This way-- to the boats.  We'll become pirates and--
kill all
who sail the
seas."

Aph:  [Laughs]

G:  "Um, 'The barbarians went to the caves and fell into a deep
sleep.'"

Barbarian:  "Wait!  To the caves!  I'm exhausted."

J:  "So, this is all the good you wanted to do, huh?"

G:  "Forget it.  I am not writing another word."

Aph:  "Yes!"  [Dematerializes]

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Woman's Voice:  "Olives!  Fresh olives!"

G:  "Now, I don't get it.  I mean-- my writing has always been
really
vivid.
I just am
missing something."

J:  "Well-- maybe it's too vivid.  Maybe it needs a little work--
editing,
or something, you
know?" 

G:  "I've got it!  I'm not editing my work.  Joxer-- that's it.
That's all
I have to do.  I just
have to be more careful.  Do you realize, that now that I know
the power of
this scroll, I
can end hunger.  I can end disease.  I can end-- I can end war.
OK.  'The
will of mortals
won out-- '  Edit.  '-- and war lost all its power.'"

Ares:  [Screams]  "My powers!  What's happened to my powers?!
You! 
Whaddya
done
to me?"

G:  "Um-- it's, it's not my fault.  I-- I, I can fix this.  Um--
um-- 'The-
the force that
enchanted the scroll lost its powers.'"

Aph:  [Screams]  "Whoa.  Wipeout."

G:  "Hmm."

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[ACT II]

Ares:  "Are you out of your mind?  You gave this blonde harpie
powers of
destiny?"

Aph:  "No, I enchanted a scroll.  And don't act so surprised!
You wanted
me
to do it."

Ares:  "No, no, see-- what I wanted-- was for you to go after
her, so we
could get Xena
out of the way."

Aph:  "Exsqueeze, me.  It worked-- kind'a."

G:  "Wait a minute.  You wanted Xena out of the way, so you
enchanted my
scroll?"

Aph:  "Ares was being his ususal manipulative self.  He's got
some army
somewhere,
ready to pounce on the valley.  He wanted Xena out of the way, so
he wanted
to get me
mad at you."

Ares:  "You figured that all out by yourself, did you?"

Aph:  "Hey, don't believe everything you hear about blondes.
Look,
Sweetpea, just give
me back my powers-- then I'll unzap the scroll."

Ares:  "No, no-- write mine back in first.  That army's waiting
for me to
give them a signal
that Xena's gone."

Aph:  "Mmm-- not helping your cause any, Slick."

Ares:  "Oh.  I promise, if you give me my powers back, I'll call
off the
attack.  OK?"

Aph:  [Laughs]  "Pigs can fly?"

Ares:  "You can."

J:  "Wait.  If you undo the scroll, Xena's gonna come back, and
then the
army won't
attack."

G:  "That makes sense.  Uh-- 'Aphrodite is as she was before.'"

J:  "She is as she was before.  It's all in the wording."

G:  "OK, what if we fill up the scroll completely?"

Aph:  "Oh, so now it's a curse.  Before, it was a gift.  And, no.
Once you
run out of
room, that's it.  Everything just stays the way it was when you
wrote it."

J:  "Look, just write, 'Everything is as it was before.'"

Aph:  "Then we'll all go back to our baby cribs, and you'll go
back under
your rock.  Did
you write him here?"

G:  "Not exactly, I-- "

Ares:  "Ah-- 'Gabrielle awoke with a jerk.'"

Aph:  [Laughs]

J:  "I don't get it.  What's so funny about waking up?"

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Thallonius:  "Nonk [?]"

Nonk [?]:  "Thallonius, is that the signal to attack?"

Thallonius:  "No-- not the signal."

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G:  "I have to deconstruct the story, starting from the
beginning-- which
means I have to
bring Xena back, first."

Ares:  "Oh.  'Xena rides in at the the head of an army.'  That's
good."

G:  "We could end up with an army of ants, or-- children-- or,
or--
Harpies,
or-- "

J:  "Whoa, whoa, whoa-whoa-whoa, why don't we describe her?"

G:  "'Suddenly-- there was the arrival of the woman-- '"

Ares:  "'Leather'-- mention the leather."

G:  "'-- wearing leather-- and, um-- [laughs]-- black hair--
carrying her
chakram.'"

J:  "Wait.  Does anybody really know what a chakram is?  And does
the
scroll
know it?"

G:  "'-- carrying the whip of Xena.'"

Minya:  "I'm here.  I don't know why-- but I know I'm here-- to
do
something."

G:  "Minya?"

Ares:  "Who is this?"

G:  "This is Minya.  She's our friend.  She wants to be Xena--
and she has
Xena's whip."

Minya:  "Never leaves my side.  So-- who's the stud, the dork,
and that
bottled blonde?"

G:  "This is Ares, Aphrodite-- and Joxer."

Minya:  "Wha-- Ares-- god of war!"

Ares:  "Hm-mm."

Minya:  "And Aphrodite!  You're the goddess of love!  And Joxer--
sorry,
Bub, never
heard 'a ya."

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Nonk:  "Is that-- ?"

Thallonius:  "No, man-- that's lunch.  Pluck it."

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Aph:  "Mmm-- you know, one thing I like about being mortal--
[Belch]  What
a
trip!"

Minya:  "You know, my boyfriend, Hower-- he thinks that the
goddess of love
is just so
beautiful and perfect.  Wait till he hears you're just as plain
as dirt on
a
wagon wheel-- just
like me."

Ares:  [Laughs]

G:  "I'm supposed to be the great bard with the wonderful
stories.  I can't
even write a
happy ending without screwing it up."

J:  "Yes you can.  I think your stories are-- are beautiful, and,
um-- you
know-- not
everything you write turns into disaster.  What about the Sisters
of Gaea?"

1st Sister:  "You know that sword that man gave us?"

2nd Sister:  "We sold it for a king's ransom to Philiadus."

J:  "See?  You did some good.  The orphans of Gaea."

Scaborus:  "You!  That is my kinsman's sword-- and you are a dead
man."

G:  "Wait!  What's your name?"

Scaborus:  "I am Scaborous.  Why?  The caves.  I must go to the
caves."

Ares:  "Those caves are gonna start gettin' pretty full."

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Thallonius:  "My throat is dry as dust.  Where's my drink?"

Soldier:  "Coming, sir."

Thallonius:  "No-- that's not the sign."

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G:  "You know, I've been trying to bring Xena here.  But why
don't we just
go find her? 
I mean, there aren't that many fishing places around here.  I
mean, we've
gotta find a trout
stream, or a fishing hole, or-- wherever I sent her off."

Aph:  "Why won't it stay up?  Basic hair-care was not such a drag
as a
goddess."

J:  "I think it looks good on ya."

Aph:  "Flattery works, keep going."

J:  "Um-- you know what?  I, I have this question for you.  Um--
I l--
there's-- there's this
guy-- and he really loves this girl-- but this girl doesn't even
know
that-- "

Aph:  "Hello-- the love goddes is off the clock.  I got my own
problems.
All right. 
Poetry-- and if that doesn't work-- presents."

J:  "Yeah?"

Aph:  "Yeah-- lots and lots of presents."

J:  "Huh."

Aph:  "OK?"

J:  "Yeah."

Aph:  "Standard answer, now, give me my space."

J:  "Huh.  Poetry.  Poetry.  Huh.  Let's see, um--which one
does-- she
have-- "

[Whistles]

Male Voice:  "By the gods  Look!"

J:  "What?"

G:  "You wrote on the scroll?"

J:  "Oh, I, I-- well, I  was just trying to write a limerick to
cheer you
up
a little."

G:  "'A warrior, Joxer the Mighty,
Asked a boon from the god, Aphrodite.
And what a surprise,
He saw with love's eyes,
Three times-- '"

J:  "Had a little trouble there.  Anyone know a word that ends in
'ite'?"

G:  "What does love's eyes have to do with me?"

J:  "Well-- well-- well-- the-- the-- the-- um-- "

G:  "I get it.  I get it.  [Laughs]  Of course.  Love's eyes.
Aphrodite's
eyes-- she was
looking at me when you wrote the poem, right?"

J:  "That's it, exactly.  Now-- let's send those three to the
caves.
[Laughs]  Ooh-- the--
the, uh-- uh, we can do it in a minute-- or now is good."

G:  "To the caves!"

J:  "The cave."

[Whistles]

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J:  "Aphrodite.  Aprhodite said get her a present.  How am I
gonna get you
a
present with
no-- "

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J:  "This is a family heirloom-- passed from father to son.  Will
you trade
for it?"

Peddlar [Falafel-man]:  "Yeah, I'll trade.  But you'll have to be
quick.
It's late.  I'm tired
and-- I'm always open for business."

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G:  "What is-- ?"

J:  "You like it?"

G:  "Uh-- it's-- it's beautiful.  But why?"

J:  "'Cause I wanted to get you something.  You know-- just to,
uh-- say
sorry for-- the
three naked yous and-- and everything."

G:  [Chuckles]

J:  "I, um-- I had to-- trade my father's scabbard for it."

G:  "What?"

J:  "I had to trade my father's scabbard for it."

G:  "Joxer-- you said that you would never, ever part with that
scabbard."

J:  "Well-- you know, Gabrielle-- some things in life are worth
more than
what they
seem."

G:  "The scroll, Joxer."

J:  "Yeah?"

G:  "I hid the scroll in the scabbard."

J:  "You did?"

G:  "Where is it, now?!"

J:  "Ow!  I traded a peddlar for it.  We can get it back!  Ow!
What's the
odds he's gonna
figure it out?!"

Woman:  "You'd better hurry!  It's raining dinars in town!"

J:  "That's funny."

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[ACT III]

G:  "I've got it.  Mm-hmm.  I've got it.  I know exactly what to
write, but
first-- we have
to get the scroll."

Ares:  "And just what-- will you write?"

G:  "Well, Ares-- that's my business.  Now, Aphrodite, Minya-- I
want you
to
go to town. 
I want you to find out where the peddlar went.  Ares and I are
going to go
where it's
raining dinars, and look for him there."

J:  "What about me?"

G:  "Well, Joxer-- "

J:  "Oh."

G:  "You get to go to the caves-- "

J:  "Say, Gab-- "

G:  "-- and you get to wait."

J:  "Huh."

G:  "Come on!"

J:  "Do-- ?  The caves."

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Aph:  "Hi there, big boy."

Old Man:  "Call me when you've had a bath, toots."

Minya:  "OK-- the tavern-keeper-- said the peddlar headed out of
town.
What's wrong?"

Aph:  "I'm gonna end up like you!"

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G:  "These ruts are deep-- as if he's carrying a load of dinars."

Ares:  "Where'd you learn to read trails like that?"

G:  "Xena-- of course.  You know, you hang around her long
enough, you're
bound to
pick up something.  You just have to focus."

Ares:  "Oh, yeah.  I taught her that.  When she came to me, she
was just
another lost
warlord, hungry to kill.  I gave her a purpose."

G:  "Well, she has a different purpose, now."

Ares:  "I know.  She is so darned good at it.  You know-- what
she did when
I had her on
trial for her life-- it-- it was amazing."

G:  "Well, how about what she pulled off with the Furies?"

Ares:  "Oh-- it was brilliant.  Yeah.  And she does it all with
that-- that
steely gaze, you
know?"

G:  "Oh, yeah, I've seen that one a few times.  Ah, it looks like
he's
heading for the
caves."

Ares:  "Yeah.  We were starting to-- warm up to each other there,
weren't
we?"

G:  "Yeah, we were."

Ares:  "I didn't like it."

G:  "Right back at'cha."

Ares:  "OK."

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G:  "Joxer!"

J:  "Shhh!  I'm trying to disarm him."

G:  "I don't know how, but you're going to screw it up.  Now,
just-- back
away."

J:  "I'm not gonna screw it up.  As long as they don't wake up
before I
find
the ped--
That's the guy!"

Scaborus:  "Who's got it?!"

J:  "The scroll.  Gab-- Gab-- Gab!"

Barbarian:  "Kill them!  Kill them!"

J:  "Get him!"

Barbarian:  "Kill them!"

Ares:  "Come on!  Let's go!"

Scaborus:  "Ugh!"

G:  "Not the scroll!"

Scaborus:  "Back off!  Ugh!  My kinsman's sword!"

J:  [Laughs]  "Nice lookin', huh?  Yeah."

Peddlar:  "I'll take that!"

Barbarian:  "This way!"

G:  "Time to end this once and for all."

Scaborus:  "You, there!"

G:  "Stay back!"

J:  "Gabrielle, over here."

Peddlar:  "Got'cha."

G:  "That's the way out of the caves!"

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Scaborus:  "My sword!"

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Minya:  "Come on!  They're getting away!"

Ares:  "Me?  I'm mortal.  I might be killed."

Minya:  "Gods!  You hair-balls!  Get back here!"

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J:  "What'd you write in that scroll?!"

G:  "Instead of bringing Xena to the scroll, I sent the scroll to
Xena.  I
just hope I phrased
it right."

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Thallonius:  "Ha-ha.  If that's not a sign from Ares, I don't
know what is.
Attack!"

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[ACT IV]

G:  "Ares-- we have got to catch up with your warrior friend, so
we can
call
off his
attack."

Ares:  "Well, I can't stop them as a mortal.  When I get my
powers back, I
promise-- I'm
gonna punish Thallonius and his army in some-- painful, horrible
way."

G:  "You know, innnocent people are going to die."

Ares:  "Oh, yes-- innocent people."

G:  "Look!  With or without you, we're going to fight
Thallonius."

Aph:  "Whoa-whoa-whoa-whoa-wait.  Who, exactly, is 'We'?"

J:  "Wait.  Did I smell something?"

Aph:  "Lay off of me, turkey!"

J:  "No-- oh, it's fish!"

Aph: "I'm new to this mortal hygiene thing!"

G:  "Xena?"

X:  "Are you looking for this, huh?  I, uh-- I took it off a
peddlar, who
was being chased
by barbarians, who was being chased by, uh-- three naked
Gabrielle's-- and
Minya.  She's
still chasing them, by the way.  Oh, yeah-- I read the scroll."
[Laughs]

G:  "Kind of messed it up, didn't I?"

X:  "Pretty much.  Did you write that limerick?"

J:  "I did."

X:  "Figures.

G:  "You know, I tried to get you back.  I tried, 'Xena goes to
her number
one friend.'"

X:  "You sent me to visit a girl I hadn't seen since I was five--
my first
friend."

Ares:  "What about, 'Xena rejoins the woman who brought her to a
new
life.'?"

X:  "Mom says thanks for the fish.  I did start back once, but
then I was--
overtaken by
this irresistible urge to return to fishing.  I figure that's
where you
wrote, 'Xena returns
from her journey.'  And then I knew that something was up.  I had
visited
just about
everyone who ever meant anything to me-- well, except you.
That's when I
headed back."

Aph:  "Look, I really hate to be the one to break up, like, a
major
love-fest, but look at
me!  I'm not built to be mortal!  We have to-- put things back
the way they
were!" 

J:  "Yeah-- and stop Thallonius from destroying the valley."

Aph:  "Whatever."

X:  "Aphrodite, what was the charm that you used for the scroll?
Exact
wording."

Aph:  "Um-- 'Lies will make the world go 'round, till truer words
are
written down.'"

X:  "So, if you make something up, the scroll has the power to
make it
happen.  And when
truer words are written-- the power ends.  Well, that's it!  All
we have to
do is write the
truth."  

G:  "OK, but then how will we get rid of this warlord,
Thallonius?"

X:  "I'll take care of him-- but you have to write down
everything that I
do-- no
embellishing-- no poetic license-- just exactly what you see, all
right?"

Aph:  "But how're we gonna know if it worked?"

X:  "When you get your powers back, we'll know."

J:  "What's wrong?"

G:  "I, um-- I'm not really good at-- writing action."

Ares:  "What?  You follow Xena around-- you-- you follow Xena
around all
day-- you
write stories about her.  How do you do this without writing
action?"

G:  "You see, I use metaphors.  I write, 'Xena burst on the scene
in a
blaze
of glory.'"

J:  "You do that, we'll be picking her up in a million pieces."

-----------------------------------------------------------------
-----------

--------------------

Thallonius:  "Attack!  Attack!  Attack!  Go!  Go!  Go!  Go!
Kill!  Kill!
Kill!  Kill! 
Attack!  Attack!  Get up!  Get up!  Get up!"

[Xena fish-fights the Warlord in a fish-fight to end all
fish-fights.]

J:  "Xena lays with a pike; then a trout.  Bam, bam-- two quick
bass."

J:  "Oh!  He's taking it on the chin!"

X:  "Ha-ha-ha!"

J:  "That octopus came out of nowhere.  Huh!  She must have
thrown that
just
for the
halibut."  [Laughs]

Ares:  "Write, 'Xena hit the warrior with a squid.'"

J:  "That was an octopus."

Ares:  "I think-- I know a squid when I see one."

Ares:  "'Xena whacked the warrior with her sword.'"

G:  "'Whacked'?  Is that a word?"

J:  "'Hit,' Say, 'Hit.'"

G:  "I don't think that's very literary.  OK, 'Hit.'"

J:  "Xena fought with the warrior leader."

G:  "'Fought with the-- '"

J:  "Yeah.  Hey, what do you mean, 'Awoke with a jerk.'?"

Ares:  "Just keep to the script."

Minya:  "I'm ready for action.  Where's Xena?"

J:  "Minya, where are the barbarians?"

Minya:  "They stopped fighting and ran back toBarbaria.  My
hormones are
peaking.  I'm
ready for action.  I'm gonna crack some heads!"

Aph:  "I'm back!  Later!"

J:  "Hmm.  Oh.  S-sorry."

Ares:  "Run, maggot!  Ooh, I still got it.  What's that?
[Laughs]  What's
that?!"

Minya:  "You know?  I expected more from the god of war.  I mean,
without
his powers,
he's just another man-- just another-- big old-- leather-clad--
well-muscled-- gorgeous,
hunk 'a-- bad-boy-- man."

G:  "How are those hormones, Minya?"

Minya:  "Raging.  I, uh-- I might go see-- Hower."

J:  "Weird."

G:  "Hmm.  I guess everythings' fine, now."

X:  "I guess so."

J:  "Hey, look-- you still got some extra space at the bottom of
the
scroll."

G:  "I guess that means there's something else to write."

X:  "Try, 'The End.'"

G:  "Well, OK-- I just-- I personally think that sounds a bit-- "


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