"Animal Attraction" Episode 94/504
[TEASER]
Amarice [Ama]: "Ow! Joxer!"
Joxer [Jox]: "Sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry."
Ama: "Come on."
Jox: "I wasn't looking."
Ama: "Yeah, you were, at Gabrielle."
Jox: "Was not."
Ama: "Was to-- . You know what? If I ever go ga-ga like that over anyone-- you have my permission to kill me."
Jox: "Happy to oblige. Ow!"
Ama: "That is so guy!"
Jox: "What do you know about guys? You're an Amazon. All you know-- is shopping for bows and arrows and emasculation."
Ama: "I know you don't have to live with pigs to recognize one."
Jox: "You know? I'm so glad all women aren't like you."
Ama: "All the women I know are. We don't need a man to get along. In fact, as far as they're concerned-- you _guys_ are toatally dispensable."
Jox: "Hmm. Hmm. Yeah."
G: "He did it again."
X: "What? Aw-- I must have missed it. I think I dozed off."
G: "Yeah, you've been doing that a lot lately."
X: "Yeah. I've been taking hornbain and olive [?], but it doesn't seem to be helping. I guess I just need a bit more sack time, huh? What are you? A healer? Nah, I'm just tired. Why, what did I miss?"
G: "Joxer gave me one of those looks again. Xena, when he said he loved me-- he said that he didn't expect anything from me. Clearly, he does. I'm trying to be sensitive. Do you have any advice?"
X: "Huh? What was that? Yah!"
Jox: "Oh."
X: "Yah!"
Jox: "Xena-- uh-- "
X: "Yah!"
Jox: "OK. Oh. Gaby-- would you-- ?"
G: "Later, Joxer. Come on, Amarice!"
Jox: "Wait."
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X: "OK, Argo, I'm gonna need your help here. Come on, big fella. It's OK. It's OK. You're gonna feel a _whole_ lot better by the time we're through with ya. All right. All right. We gotcha now. OK, Argo. Here we go. Easy, now. There, boy. Who-o-o-oa."
G: "Oh, by the gods."
X: "Gabrille, come here. Joxer, Amarice, you stay there. G-- Gabrielle-- talk to him."
G: "What do I say?"
X: "Say anything. See if you can calm him down while I set his leg free from that trap."
G [Whispers]: "OK. [Normal Voice] It's OK, boy. It's OK. Easy. Good boy. It's OK. No one's gonna hurt you. Hold still. Steady. Steady. It's OK. Steady-y-y-y. That's it. Hold still. That's a _good_ boy. [Whispers] Good. Sh-h-h, sh-h-h. It's OK. Be still. Stay still."
X: "Steady-y-y-y."
G: "Good boy."
X: "There ya go."
G [Whispers]: "Yeah."
X: "Huh."
G: "Good boy."
X: "We're gonna have to treat that wound before we set him free."
G: "Set him free?"
X: "What's on your mind?"
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Jox: "Spa-- moan-- Spamona?"
G: "Spamona. Yeah, it's famous for its hot springs. Hey, Xena-- a little rest, and we'll all feel better."
Jox: "Hot springs, huh?"
Local: "Ma'am?"
Jox: "Hey, ya know that guy?"
G: "Who, him?"
Jox: "Hey, these hot springs-- they, um-- ?"
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G: "Come on, boy. Steady. That's it. Good boy."
Jox: "Colonel Horse wants [?] Go on!"
G: "I really appreciate this."
X: "Are you kidding? This way, I get a hot bath and to eat something I didn't kill myself. On the other hand, I'm so hungry I could eat a h-- "
G: "You wouldn't."
Old Man: "Ah, excuse me, folks-- I guess I oughtta tell ya this town's got a law against carrying weapons."
Ama: "In case you didn't know, this is Xena. Who's got the guts to take her weapons-- huh?"
Talia [Tal]: "Me."
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[ACT I]
Tal: "Yuh!"
[Fight]
Tal: "Aw! [Laughs] I never could put that past you."
X: "Hello, Talia"
Tal [Laughs]: "Aw-w-w-w-- aw-w-w, you _always_ saw that move coming."
X: "Aw, your sword kind of tips it. You could try switching hands-- might save your life-- ."
Tal: "Oh, I'll remember that."
G: "I guess you two know each other."
X: "Oh, this is Talia. We rode together years ago. These are my friends, Gabrielle, Joxer, and Amarice."
Tal: "Welcome to Spamona."
X: "You know, I'm kind of surprised to findja in a place like this."
Tal: "Oh, I'm kind of surprised to find you alive. Word was, Caesar staked you to a cross."
X: "Yeah. It's a long story. Why don't we get together over a meal? You know, I wanna feel I should have some-- raspberry jelly and-- I don't know, some raw fish. What do you say?"
Jox: "Um-- I just ate."
X: "But-- "
G: "Hm-m."
Ama: "Uh-- yeah. I-- wouldn't wanna butt in."
X: "No."
G: "I'm gonna work with the horse."
X: "Aah. Come on. I'm buying."
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Tal: "You always eat like this?"
X: "Well-- you know-- "
Deputy [Interrupts]: "Hello, Sheriff-- but I thought you oughtta see this. Showed up while I was on rounds."
X: "It's yours. I recognize the design."
Tal: "Was mine. Last I saw, it was sticking in a dirtbag named Darkon. He used to tear up this town pretty bad."
Deputy: "I'm sorry, Sheriff-- but if Darkon and his boys are out-- no one's safe."
Tal: "What's this?"
Deputy: "My resignation."
X: "Well-- Darkon must be trouble."
Tal: "Nothin' but."
X: "I'm glad we're here to help."
Tal: "No-- I-I mean-- thanks-- but Darkon's my problem. I'll handle him. Your word."
X: "Oh. Promise."
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Man's Voice: "He's not comin' up."
Women's Voices: "No. Do something!" "Help him!"
Ama: "Hey! Hey! Hey! Are you all right? Hello!"
Armon [Arm]: [Coughs]
Ama: "Oh, by the gods. You all right? Hey."
Arm: "I am now."
Ama: "Yeah, me too. I mean-- glad you're all right. I-I-- wouldn't wanna-- drown you my first time here."
Arm: "I know what you mean. Makes for a very bad impression." [Chuckles]
Ama [Chuckles]: "Well-- there's no visible damage, so-- see ya."
Arm: "No-no. Wait. Uh-- look-- you just saved my life and I don't even know your name."
Jox's Voice: "Amarice-- there ya are. Armon-- ."
Ama and Arm: "You know Joxer?"
Jox: "What are you doing here? I thought you were away at school."
Arm: "Well, I was just passin' through."
Jox: "Hey, uh-- listen, I-- I never told you that, uh-- "
Arm: "No, Joxer, uh-- that was the past."
Jox: "So, uh-- ya know, uh-- Amarice."
Arm: "Know her? She saved my life."
Jox: "Oh-h-h, did you now? Saved a man's life, did ya? Mm-m. Huh."
Ama: "I'm glad you're all right."
Arm: "No, wait!"
Ama: "Whoa!"
Arm and Jox: [Laugh]
Ama: "You think that's funny?"
Jox: "Well, no-- uh, but a little bit. Yeah." [Laughs]
Arm: "Sorry-- but it's just-- you're not hurt, and-- and it was pretty funny!" [Laughs]
Jox: "Come on, Amarice. You're not-- really hurt."
Arm: "Where's your sense 'a humor?"
Ama: "You wanna know where my sense of humor is?! I'll tell you! You mother-- !"
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Arm: "Does she kiss her mother with that mouth? I'm telling you, she's insane."
Jox: "No argument there."
Arm: "Immature, obnoxious, spoiled-- "
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Ama: "Inconsiderate, arrogant, self-centered, uh-- smug."
G: "Maybe it wasn't Armon."
X: "Doesn't sound like him to me."
Ama: "I got news for you. People change."
X: "Hm-m-m-- "
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Arm: "Oh, and talk about erratic-- one moment she's savin' my life, the next she's tryin' to take my head off. What's that all about?"
Jox: "Women-- can't live with 'em-- can't chain em in the yard. [Laughs] Ow! Oh."
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X: "I don't feel so good."
Ama: "After raspberry jam-- and raw fish? Big surprise."
G: "You haven't been feeling good for days, now."
X: "It'll pass."
G: "I know you're a gifted healer. I think it's time for a second opinion. What do you say?"
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X: "Ah-h-h-h-h, a-h-h-h-h-h, a-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h. A-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h."
Doc: "Very good. Well-- congratulations. You're in excellent health-- you know? Considering."
X: "Beg pardon? Hey, Doc, if there's som'in' wrong, you know you can tell me. It-- it doesn't matter what it is. I can take it. I'm pretty tough. Just spit it out. I'm in excellent health, considering what?"
Doc: "Considering you're pregnant."
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[ACT II]
X: "It's impossible! I can-_not_ be pregnant. If you weren't such a quack, you would know that getting pregnant involves certain physical requirements that I haven't met in a _long_ time-- and I mean a _very_ long time. No one-- zilch, zippo. I am a _love_-free zone. Therefore, it is utterly impossible that I be up the duff. So, what's your diagnosis, now?"
Doc: "Mood swings!"
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Jox: "Gabrielle? Gabrielle? Wait up! Wait up! Look, uh-- let me help ya!"
G: "Oh, I can carry a sack of apples."
Jox: "I- I know you can! I know you can! But-but why should ya?"
G: "Joxer, thank you."
Jox: "No-no. Gabrielle, look-- with me around to handle-- the smaller and-- more indispensable aspects of life-- that leaves you to handle the larger and-- more important ones."
G: "No, I can handle my own apples."
Jox: "Gabrielle-- let me help you. You might like it."
G: "I don't think so."
Jox: "Gimme!"
G: "Stop it."
Jox: "I'm gonna help you!"
G: "Joxer-- "
Jox: "No."
G: "Joxer, get your hands off my apples!"
Jox: "Perfect example."
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Man's Voice [In Background]: "-- right over here!"
X: "Quack."
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G: "Come on. Here you go, boy. Go on, it's an apple. Oh, I know you're hungry-- you know it. Come on. Come on, I'm your friend. Argo, will ya tell him I'm not gonna hurt him? Fine-- if that's your attitude, you can just-- take it when you want it. I'm talking to horses. Am I nuts?"
Arm: "Certifiable."
G: "Armon."
Arm: "Joxer said I'd find you here."
G: "Amarice was right. It _is_ you."
Arm: "Amarice?"
G: "What's going on with you two."
Arm: "She's insane. All I did was laugh a little when she slipped."
G: "You laughed at her?"
Arm: "Well, yeah. It was funny. And she wasn't hurt."
G: "Right-- her pride was hurt. OK, think about if you fell down in front of your whole school. Would you laugh?"
Arm: "I see your point. So, what do I do to make it up to her?"
G: "Flowers-- you can't go wrong with flowers."
Arm: "Flowers?"
G: "Yes, women love flowers-- except Xena."
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G's Voice: "You know, she's the only woman that I know who doesn't stop to smell them."
X [Smells flower]: "Hm-m-m. [Cutesy Voice] Oh-h-h-h, it's a wittle [sic] cutey! I-- "
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Arm: "You know what? I think you're right. Maybe Amarice and I just got off on the wrong foot. I'll do that. Hey, uh-- thanks for the advice."
G: "`Wrong foot.' Hm-m-m."
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G: "Look familiar? Pretty painful, huh? Who-o! Boy! Nah, it's not a nice feeling. Yeah, I know what you're going through. [Sighs] It's tough-- tough on a horse. [Sighs] We're equals now, though. You know that? You can trust me, now-- Horse-- . Forget it."
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Tal: "It's not that I don't appreciate your offer. I do."
X: "Then, why don't you accept a little help?"
Tal: "Because this is _my_ problem-- not yours."
X: "You're wrong. Fighing men like Darkon is everybody's problem, especially mine."
Tal: "Not this time."
X: "Really? Ah-h-- so, what makes Darkon different from every other scum-sucking warlord?"
Tal: "He's my husband."
X: "Condolences."
Tal: "I don't love him-- not anymore-- but I did. And now-- I'm afraid-- of him-- of me."
X: "Talia-- this must end here. Face it, you're going to need a little help. That's what I'm here for."
Tal: "No. No, I stand up to Darkon or I don't-- but either way, I am _not_ gonna let you take him on _for_ me-- especially _pregnant_. Oh, come on. Who's kidding herself, now? The need for sleep? The cravings? The nausea? Hey-hey-- not to mention, you know you're looking a little-- . My mother was a midwife, Xena. Wake up and smell the diapers."
X: [Gasps]
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Bartender [Bar]: "What'll it be?"
X: "Milk"
Bar [Snickers]: "Milk?!"
X: "I said milk! What, am I over-age?"
Ama: "Xena, hey. I've been looking all over for you. I think I'm in trouble."
X: "What, is it in the water?"
Ama: "Huh? I'm talking about Armon?"
X: "Well, what about him?"
Ama: "Well-- you see, that's the trouble. Every Amazon instinct I have-- says keep away, but my heart just says go for it. Have you ever had this problem before?"
X: "Apparently. Listen, Amarice-- either you kiss him-- or you kill him. But, either way, it doesn't seem to make a difference."
Arm: "Xena? How you been?
X: "You hurt her, Armon-- I will have your hide."
Arm: "Hi."
Ama: "Hi. What are those?"
Arm: "A way to start over-- I hope. These are for you."
Ama: "For me? Wow-- nobody's ever given me anything like this before."
Arm: "I'm surprised. You deserve them."
Ama: "I do?"
Arm: "And more. You deserve someone who'll really appreciate you. A man who'll protect and pamper you."
Ama: "A man to protect me."
Arm: "Make sure you never have to worry-- or be scared-- "
Ama: "You think I'm scared of you?"
Arm: "No, no-- that's not what I said."
Ama: "That's what you meant!"
Arm: "No, it isn't."
Ama: "You calling me a liar?"
Arm: "Are you telling me what I said?!"
Ama: "I know what I heard!"
Arm: "Liar!"
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[ACT III]
Jox: "Oh! Armon! Oh-h-h-h. We-e-e-ell-- I see you two didn't have any problem makin' up. And I see _you_-- have no problem kissing-- guys! [Laughs] Aw-w-w! Ah-h-h!"
Ama: "He started it!"
Arm: "I did not!"
Jox: "Have you seen Gabrielle?"
Ama: "You kissed me first!"
Arm "I did not! That kill was all your idea!"
Jox: "I'm trying to find Gabrielle. So, if you-- "
Ama [Interrupts]: "You know what? You are delusional."
Arm: "Well, I'd rather be deluded than nuts."
Jox: "Oh! Kids."
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G: "I don't know why I tried. I'm just like an idiot. Talking to horses. Think I'd have no friends. Good horse."
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Tal: "Hi-ho!"
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X: "I've got something I wanna tell you. Just stay put. Believe me, you don't wanna be standing when you hear this. Not that it's bad. See, I would sense that and it's not, but-- there is this small question of how it happened, and-- once you get past that, it's really great. Don't give me that look like you knew. You _didn't_ know. I didn't even know, and _I'm_ the one who's expecting. Or, maybe you did know-- but don't let on to the others. I wanna tell them myself. Gabrielle's gonna freak."
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X: "Armon-- come here."
Man's Voice: "Here, boy."
X: "Listen-- what I said to you before-- I'm-I'm sorry. I didn't mean it. I was steamed about something else. You're a good man. I know that."
Arm: "The way I feel about Amarice-- I'm not sure that qualifies as good. I mean-- it's not like I _meant_ for this to happen."
X: "Happen? Something happened?"
Arm: "I kissed her-- and, no matter what she says, she kissed me back. She just won't admit it."
X: "And why do you think that is?"
Arm: "I think it's 'cause she's scared it'll make her seem weak-- "
X: "Hm-m."
Arm: "-- like carin' for someone is som'in' bad. Can you believe that?"
X: "Yeah, I used to-- but now I know that-- any fool can risk his life. It takes a hero to risk his heart."
Arm: "Well, tell that to Amarice!"
X: "I've got a better idea."
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Arm: "Hi, uh-- mind if I sit down?"
Ama: "If you want. I mean-I mean, sure, yeah."
Arm: "Great, uh-- so, uh-- look, Amarice, I just want you to know that I've talked to Xener [sic], and, uh-- "
Ama: "You talked to her? Me, too [?]. She's great, isn't she?"
Arm: "Oh! The best. Now, there's a woman who's really got it together."
Ama: "Never loses it."
Arm: "Never."
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X: [Throws up]
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Ama: "Ga-a-a-a-- what you were gonna say?"
Arm: "Oh, uh-- it's just that, uh-- I understand where you're comin' from, a-and-and I want you to know that there's no hard feelings."
Ama: "Hard feelings? If anyone should have hard feelings, it would be me-- which I don't."
Arm: "Amarice, what's goin' on? Why you acting like this?"
Ama: "Like what? If you don't mind my asking."
Arm: "Like that. So, so phony, it's not you."
Ama: "Oh, like you really know me."
Arm: "Keep this up, and I won't want to."
Ama: "Oh, really? Well, excuse me for being nice. It won't happen again!"
Arm: "That was nice?"
Jox: "Amarice, have you seen Xena? Oh!"
Ama: "Wait till I do!"
Jox: "Armon, have you seen Xena?"
Arm: "Ah, I can't wait to find her!"
Jox: "Kids."
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G: "Come on. Come on, handsome."
Ama: "Xena?! Xena! You said, `Kiss him, or kill him,' right?"
Arm [Interrupts]: "Come on, I tried it."
Ama [Interrupts]: "Well, I could kill him!"
Arm [Interrupts]: "-- I couldn't seem to [Etc.]-- "
Ama [Interrupts]: "I was _totally_ [Etc.]-- !"
G [Interupts]: "Will you guys shut up?! Shut up, please! The horse [Etc.]-- "
X [Interrupts]: "I'm pregnant."
G: "Xena, can you tell them, please?"
X: "I'm pregnant! I'm pregnant!"
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[ACT IV]
G: "You're pregnant? How can you be pregnant? Xena-- I mean, when did you-- ? Who d-- ?"
X: "I don't know."
Jox: "And you asked her advice on _your_ love life."
G: "You don't know?"
X: "Gabrielle, this is as strange to me as it is to you. I don't understand it, but it's true. I felt it with Solon and I feel it now. There's life within me-- and it's good."
G: "Congratulations."
X: "Thanks."
Ama: "A baby. You're gonna be a really good mom."
X: "Thanks."
Arm: "That's _really_ somethin'."
Jox: "I always wanted to be an uncle. Hello there, little fella! Oh! Beats the heck out of my news."
X: "What's that?"
Jox: "Some creep named Darkon's comin'. He should be here by sundown."
X: "Has Talia seen this?"
Jox: "I can't find her. Nobody can."
X: "Then it's up to us."
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Ama: "What are you doing here?"
Arm: "Xena sent me. Told me to guard the flank against a-- "
Arm and Ama: "-- surprise attack."
Ama: "I don't even know why she wants me here. All the action's gonna be down on the street."
Arm: "I heard this Darkon's guy pretty tough."
Ama: "Well, I'm not afraid of him, if that's what you think."
Arm: "No-- why do you always twist what I say? To tell the truth, Amarice, I don't know anyone who'd scare you. You never let 'em close enough to try."
Ama: "That's not true. There is someone who scares me-- you."
Arm: "Very funny."
Ama: "I'm not kidding. I've never met anyone like you. I'm not used to feeling this way."
Arm: "You think I am? This is all new to me, too."
Ama: "It doesn't scare you?"
Arm: "Big time-- but that's what makes us so brave-- to feel this scared and not run away. I'd say that takes a lotta courage, wouldn't you?"
Ama: "You calling me a coward?"
Arm: "I hope not."
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G: "You don't have the slightest idea?"
X: "No. Look, we've been through this a thousand times. I don't."
G: "How can you not know? I-- I just find that hard to believe, you know?"
X: "Tell me."
G: "Ares. Maybe he did-- a god thing-- "
X: "No."
G: "OK, fine. When was the last time we saw Hercules? I forget, I can't-- "
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Darkon [Dar]: "Hi, Honey. I'm home."
Tal: "This isn't your home, Darkon-- not anymore."
Dar: "Well-- we'll have to see about that-- won't we, boys?"
Boys [Laughter]: "Come on! Hah!" "Get on, Horse! Come on!"
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X: "Come on, Gabrielle!"
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[Fight]
Bad Guy: [Yells]
Tal: "Yah! Yah!"
G: "Hey, guys-- "
Bad Guys: "Huh?"
A Bad Guy: "Whoa! Hey!"
G: "Stop! Stop!"
Another Bad Guy: "What?! Ya got some little horsey friend?! A little pony all decked out in bows?!"
G: "Yeah. Don't-- please."
Another Bad Guy: "Who's gonna stop me? [Startles, then Yells]
Dar: "Go on! Finish it!"
Tal: "I have. The rest is up to a judge."
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Arm: "So, uh-- I guess this is goodbye."
Ama: "No, this is."
Arm: "Wow."
Ama: "You should see my hellos."
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X: "Well, congratulations. Looks like we're a two-horse family."
G: "Yeah-- family being the operative word. "
X: "Yeah, how about that, huh?"
G: "You know what I think? I think it's the beginning of a beautiful relationship."
X: "Yup-- for all of us."
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G: "Hi. Whoo! Whoa, boy. Whoa. Come on, Xena. Race ya to Greece?"
X: "I don't know if you're ready for that."
G: "Are you chicken?"
X: "No, just being considerate. We race to Greece, and you won't be able to walk straight for a month."
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