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"Old Ares Had A Farm"  Episode 122/610


G:  "Xena, I'm beginning to lose my appetite."

X:  "Well, let's give it a try.  Sometimes, these places have
great food.  Won't be a sec.  Pardon me-- didn't you used to ride
with Ahab the lame?"

Ahab's Comrade [A's Com]:  "Yeah-- but I've moved on to better
things."  [Laughs]

X:  "You look like the self-improvement type.  And aren't those
Attila's colors you're wearing?  Some company.  And you-- I could
swear you're Turkestan's boy.  What is this?  A scum-bag
convention?  What brings you cutthroats together?"

A's Com:  "Huh!  I don't have to tell you that."

X:  "Oh, but you do."

[Warlord's Voice]:  "Get her!"


X:  "All right-- you got _seconds_ to live, so spit it out."

A's Com:  "The warlords of Greece, Macedonier [sic], and Thrace--
have put a price on his head.  We've united under Gasgar the
Terrible, to hunt him down and split the bounty.  Ow!  Oh!"

X:  "All right-- hunt down who?"

A's Com:  "The god of war-- Ares.  He's mortal-- and now the
warlords that he crossed when he was a god-- are having their


Ares:  [Moans]

A Warlord:  "Ares-- prepare to die!  Who are you?"

X:  "Who are you?"

A Warlord:  "They call me-- battling Siki."

X:  "Nobody ever called you that.  You just made that up.  But if
you don't wanna be known as dead Siki-- you'll be movin' on."

A Warlord:  "All right.  But the gold is mine, Ares."

Ares:  "I've been gettin' a lot of that, lately.  So-- what
brings you here?  Animal magnetism?"

X:  "I'm here to save your butt.  The word is out that you're
mort'l [sic], Ares.  There's a price on your head and every
scum-bag in the world is lookin' to cash in."

G:  "Gasgar the Terrible-- Lombar-- the Howl Brothers-- Mosher."

X:  "Attila."

G:  "The beast of Turkestan."

Ares:  "It'll be great fighting by your side.  We'll take no

X:  "No, we're not here to participate in a blood bath.  We're
here to offer you a new life."

Ares:  "You're a little ahead of me."

X:  "Ares, you're gonna spend the rest of your mortal life a
hunted man, unless you assume a new identity."

G:  "You need to go undercover as someone else."

Ares:  "Reinvent myself.  Well-- I'm not opposed to the idea.
I've given a lot of thought to how I'm gonna live the rest of my
mortal life, a-a-a-a-- king-- a priest-- if the cult was sexy

X:  "Ares, you've gotta do something that no one would ever
suspect of you."

Ares:  "Like what?"

X:  "How are you at shovelin' shit?"



G:  "Ares, what's wrong with being a farmer?"

Ares:  "For a rube, nothing.  But for the god of war-- "

X:  "Former god of war."

Ares:  "Xena, let's you and I go crazy on Gasgar and his boys.  I
am talkin' about slaughter and mayhem."

X:  "Ares, do you really wanna fight _every_ warrior who wants to
make a fortune?"

Ares:  "OK, it's-- getting to be a chore."

G:  "If we set you up as a farmer, you can come and go as you

Ares:  "Really?!"

G:  "No one would suspect the god of war would be living on a
country farm."

X:  "Gabrielle and I'll stay with you-- just until you get the
swing of things."

Ares:  "Yeah, a plantation-- some slaves-- half a dozen
flute-playing girls."

X:  "Just what I was thinkin'."


X:  "There it is-- just as I remember it."

G:  "And whoo."

X:  "The Elysian fields on Earth.  Come on, come on.  Well-- this
is it."

Ares:  "What?  The outhouse?"

G:  "It's beautiful."

Ares:  "Hello!"

X:  "Oo-oo-ooh!"

Ares:  "We're looking at a hovel!"

X:  "Look-- here-- I carved my initial in this pole-- here."

G:  "Let's see.  Huh!  It's still there."

X:  "My grandma used to sit in this chair.  She'd rock and she'd
tell us stories of the Olympian gods."

Ares:  "Bet you never thought you'd grow up to kill most of them,

X:  "But wait-- the best is yet to come."

G:  "Come on."  [Chuckles]


G:  "Xena-- it's charming."

X:  "It even _smells_ the way I remember it."

Ares:  "I don't wanna spoil your waltz down memory lane, but Ares
ain't living here.  Now you can tell us all about your pastoral
childhood on the way back-- to civilization."

X:  "Ares, it's a little run-down, but we can fix it."

Ares:  "When I was a god, I couldn't have fixed this place."

G:  "It's nothing that a little hard work can't put right."

Ares:  "See, now you're scaring me."

X:  "More than a band of cutthroats who are out for your blood?"

Ares:  "Do I hafta answer right away?"

X:  "Gabrielle, come check out the stove."


Warlord Wannabe [W W]:  "So, I got the god of war down-- and I
wouldn't listen to his pleas for mercy-- and then I-- fsh!  I cut
his throat."

Blonde:  "What did he look like?" 

W W:  "You know?  He wasn't as mean-looking as everyone says--
kind of a dark-- handsome guy-- dressed all in black with a
beard.  And he had this gray vest-- "

Gasgar [Gas]:  "You didn't kill anyone, you little-- pimple-- but
you might've seen somethin'.  That description of Ares was pretty

W W:  "I-- I did see him."

Gas:  "Where?"

W W:  "Outside of Ipieros.  I followed them as far as the
Lackawan Valley.  Then I lost my nerve."

Gas:  "What do you mean, them?  Does he have an army with him?"

W W:  "No, no-- a couple of women."

Gas:  [Laughs]

W W:  [Yells]

Gas:  "Ares always did have a-- weakness for the ladies.
Probably lookin' for a place to shack up with them.  Pass the
word.  We're headed for the Lackawan Valley."


Ares:  [Sighs]

X:  "Ares, hurry up with those rags!"

Ares:  "You know what?  I, uh-- I just can't seem to find 'em

X:  "Well, that doesn't make sense.  Come on, then.  We'll do
somethin' else."

Ares:  "Aw!  I was doing a thing!"

G:  "Has anyone seen that saw I left out here?"

Ares:  "Well, don't look at me.  I try to touch tools of common
labor as little as possible."

X:  "Well, that's going to change.  Come on.  Let's go."

Ares:  "Not the butt.  If that leaves a mark-- "

X:  "Don't turn around."

Ares:  "Don't you."

G:  "I know I left the saw on the railing."

X:  "All right, Ares-- I want you to get up here on the
mantelpiece and nail those boards to the ceiling."

Ares:  "After you."

X:  "Ares-- come on."

Ares:  "All right.  [Sighs]  What did you want me to do with the

X:  "I wanted you to _stuff_ 'em in the holes in the outside wall
to stop the wind coming through."

Ares:  "I'd rather do that."

X:  "All right.  What are you looking for?"

Ares:  "OK, I hid the rags.  I thought you were gonna get me to
mop the floor or some other demeaning job I'd rather die than do,
but now, they're gone."

X:  "Ah-h-h."

G:  "This is strange-- I left both my boots out here and one of
them's gone."

Ares:  "OK-- where's my wineskin?"  

X:  "Something is out there."

Greba [Gre]:  "Excuse me.  Hello.  My name is Greba.  I'm your

X:  "Oh, hi."

Ares:  "Hello."

Gre:  "I've just come from Ipieros.  There's an army moving
toward the valley, led by the warlord Gasgar."

G:  "Thanks for the warning."

Gre [Sighs]:  "That Gasgar-- he's a bad one.  You know what they
say his favorite sport is?  It's to take a young, beautiful,
helpless maiden-- and despoil her of her chastity-- again and
again and again and again!"

Ares:  "Oh, the beast."

X:  "Thanks, Greba."

Gre:  "It makes me shudder, just thinking about it-- being a--
young widow-- on my own--  without a-- man to take care of my
wants and needs-- alone in my house, just-- over the fence, just

G and X:  "Thank you, Greba."

Ares:  "Hey, uh-- drop by again, when the news is better.  We'll
have a glass of wine-- swap tips on raising root vegetables."

Gre:  "Well-- goodbye."

X:  "All right-- you two take care of the thief.  I'm gonna see
to Gasgar."

Ares:  "Oh!  Oh!  Oh-ho-ho-ho, so _you_ still get to be warrior!"

X:  "Uh-huh-- but believe me-- I would much rather stay here and
work on the house."

Ares:  "You know the sad thing?  I  believe you!  Where's my

X:  "Definitely take care of that one."


Demetrius [Dem]:  "Gasgar?  Xena's here."

Gas:  "Xena?"

X:  "Gasgar-- I've come to present you with a little gift."

Gas:  "What is it?"

X:  "Ares' head on a platter."



Gas:  "So-- you want a piece of him, too.  Figures.  I've heard
about some of the things he's done to you through the years.  Let
me ask you somethin'.  When you were-- slaughtering gods-- up on
Olympus-- "

X:  "Mm-hm-m?"

Gas:  "-- why didn't you just take him out then?"

X:  "The coward ran-- I didn't get the chance."

Gas:  "Hm-m.  Well-- he's mortal now.  So any of us can kill him.
We don't need you-- Xena.  And we sure don't need to split the
bounty any more ways."

X:  "I'm not in this for the gold.  This is personal.  And
besides-- what if you're wrong?  What if it's all just a rumor,
and he hasn't lost his immortality at all?  You'd be stalking the
god of war.  But I-- I have the ability to kill gods.  Now
wouldn't that make a nice insurance policy-- hm-m?  Besides-- I
know where to find him."


G:  "Ares-- when you gave up your immortality to save me and
Eve-- that was-- that was quite a sacrifice.  Thank you."

Ares:  "If Eve had died-- and Xena lost her power to kill gods--
then Athena would have killed Xena-- so I was saving Eve to save
Xena.  You were an afterthought."

G:  "Thanks, anyway.  How'd it go?"

X [Sighs]:  "So far, so good.  You cleared the chimney."

G:  "Ares did the heavy work."

Ares:  "She's exaggerating.  She just doesn't want to admit she
couldn't get me to work any better than you could."

G:  "A lot of truth in that."

X:  "You know, my brothers and I used to sit by the fire, here--
and tell ghost stories.  My brothers-- I miss them sometimes."

Ares:  "Xena-- the thief is still here.  He got my gauntlet this
afternoon.  Whoever it is is good, I mean, very, very good.  We
didn't see a thing."

G:  "What if there's nothing to see?"

Ares:  "Like a ghost?"

G:  "Yeah."

X:  [Snickers]

Ares:  "You mortals go to the most incredible places just to
rationalize unexplained phenomena."

X:  "You know what's wonderful?"

G:  "What?"

X:  "It's wonderful that we're sitting here together in front of
this cozy fire."

G:  "That's right.  Life on a farm is so peaceful"

X:  "Mm-m-m-m-m."

Ares:  "Are you two insane?  The life is incredibly dull.
It-it-it-it's-- it's horribly uncomfortable, and, it-- it-- it's

X:  "Oh, you'll change your tune when you get a few-- calluses on
your hands."

Ares:  "Let me guess.  This is your _favorite_ part."

X:  "Split up.  There's gotta be one dry room in the house."

G's Voice:  "The kitchen's worse."

X:  "Hey, it's dry in here.  This was my room.  Grandpa must have
fortified the roof.  It's the only dry room in the house."

Ares:  "That's a big bed.  The three of us can sleep in there."

G:  "Three of us in one bed?"

Ares:  "Sure."

X:  "Well, I suppose.  We are all grown-ups."

Ares:  "We certainly are."


X:  "I think a change of positions is in order.  I meant we
should _both_ change positions."

Ares:  "All right.  I'm in Tartarus."


X's Voice:  "Gabrielle!  I don't care if it _is_ a ghost-- if I
can kill gods, _maybe_ I can kill ghosts, too!"

Ares:  "Oh, thank God I'm a country boy."


X:  "Wait a minute-- drag marks.  Look."

G:  "The ghost stole her breastplate."

Ares:  "It couldn't carry her breastplate.  Had to drag it.  An
ample breastplate, to be sure, but-- "

X:  "This way!  Come on!"

Ares:  "Oop!"

X:  "Something buried our stuff."

G:  "What is this?"

X:  "Look.  Oh!  Oh-h-h!"

G:  "Strange.  Where are my boots?"

Ares:  "Sh-h-- it's a wolf."

G:  "It's not a wolf-- it's a dog.  Don't they have dogs on

Ares:  "Not one-headed ones.  Oh-h!  Get it off me!"

X:  "Hey, he's not attacking you.  He's trying to be

Ares:  "Well, I am not _interested_ in that kind of

G and X's Voice:  "O-h-h-h-h.  Aw, come here, pooch."

Ares:  "Oh, now, don't-don't-don't do that.  Now we'll never get
rid of it."

G:  "Maybe we don't wanna get rid of him."

Ares:  "Is there anything you and I agree on?  Oh, yeah--
anything else?"

X:  "All right, Ares-- you can stay here with your furry little
friend and fix the roof.  Gabrielle and I are off to town for
some supplies."

Ares:  "Can it get any worse?"


Gre:  "Hello, again!"

Ares:  "Neighbor lady-- hello.  You filthy mongrel."

Gre:  "Dogs make me go all cuddly."

Ares:  "See the lady?  Say hello to the lady.  Say hello!"

Gre:  "My husband and I had a dog.  But then he died three years
ago in the battles-- my husband, that is, not the dog.  And then
the-- dog was run over by the funeral wagon that was carrying his
body home.  There's been a great gaping hole in my heart ever
since that day.  Isn't war just terrible?"

Ares:  "A crime against humanity."

Gre:  "I don't know why people can't be more like animals.  I
mean, animals don't go to war or-- lie or cheat or betray each
other.  Take this little guy right here.  I mean-- when he likes
you-- he just comes up and starts licking you.  Why can't we be
more like that?"

Ares:  "A very, very good question.  Maybe-- we can-- take him
for a long walk sometime, huh?"

Gre:  "They wouldn't mind us borrowing their dog?  Your

Ares:  "You mean, slave girls."

Gre:  "No-- they don't act like slaves."

Ares:  "Well, I spoil them.  So, uh-- what made you think they
were my daughters?"

Gre:  "Oh, well-- I mean-- you being an older man and everything.
Oh, don't get me wrong, I mean, you're-- you're in great shape,
and-- you hold yourself so well.  You know, good posture's so
very imporant.  It's just that you're-- you're so much more
sophistocated than what I'm used to, and-- well-- with the gray
hair, it's just-- "

Ares [Laughs]:  "Gray-- gray-gray hair.  Gray hair."

Gre:  "Oh-- you have that-- patch of gray just-- there."

Ares:  "Was that rain?  I-- fix the roof."

Gre:  "Oh.  Well-- goodbye."

Ares:  "Bye.  Think that's funny?  Yuk it up.  Oh!  Of course.


X:  "Ares-- "

Ares:  [Moans]

X:  "What are you doing?"

Ares:  "Oh-- I'm just lying here-- smelling my mortality-- "

X:  "Oh."

Ares:  "-- every muscle in my body aching.  I have gray hair--
and the dog has its-- tongue in my mouth."

X:  "Well-- ha-ha-- enough of that.  Scat.  Go on."

Ares:  "All due respect, Xena-- this is the worst idea you've
ever had.  Oh!  Oh!  Oh-h.  I'll never make a convincing farmer."

X:  "Nonsense.  You just need to know how to accessorize.  Come

Ares:  "Oh!"


Ares:  "I'm guessing these are the accessories."

G:  "Hey-- look what I found."  [Chuckles]


X:  [Humming Xena Theme Song]

Ares:  "This dog is incredibly needy."

G:  "Why don't you pet it?  Then maybe it won't be so needy."

X:  "Ares, I got a job you might like."

Ares:  "Really?"

X:  "Why don't you go kill a chicken for dinner?"

Ares:  "All right!  Now you're talkin'!"

G:  "Only one chicken."


Ares:  "Yah!"


G:  "Do you think he'll ever get used to this?"

X:  "He just has to convince them once.  After that, he can hire
in some help or get his dancing girls, for all I care.  But once
he is set up-- you and I are out of here."

G:  "Mm-hmm."

Ares' Voice:  [Yells]

X:  "What?"

G:  "Xena, I know you wanna help Ares-- but you're here to relive
your childhood memories."

X:  "You think so?"

G:  "Yeah."

X:  "Maybe you're right.  I was happy here.  It was a peaceful
and I f-- felt safe."

G:  "Hm-m."

X:  "Ever since-- my life has been anything but."

G:  "I'll say.  Let's enjoy it while we can."

Ares:  [Yells]

X:  "Come here."


Ares:  "Come on.  Come on.  Come on.  [Yells]  Come on.  Come on.
Come to Papa!  Uh, careful-- I'm beginning to like that."

X:  "Uh, Ares-- my plan's working perfectly."

Ares:  "You planned to drive me insane?"

X:  "No, my plan to deal with  Gasgar."

Ares:  "Are they leaving the valley?"

X:  "Nope-- they're comin' right toward us."



X:  "All right, Ares-- if you can pull this one off and convince
them that you're a farmer-- they'll leave and you'll have your

Ares:  "But Gasgar and Attila know what I look like."

X:  "Oh, that's the beauty of it.  I've asked around.  They're
the only ones who know what you look like-- and they won't be
part of the search party."

Dem's Voice:  "You inside!"

Dem:  "Show yourselves!"

X:  "OK-- the official story-- Ares passed by here a couple of
days ago."

G:  "Suck it in."

X:  "And when he left-- he was headed for the Hurata Pass."

Dem's Voice:  "I said get out here!"

X:  "All right-- you're on.  I'll be waiting out back.  Wouldn't
do to find the warrior princess hanging out on a farm."

Dem:  "If you don't come out here-- "

Dem's Voice:  "-- things are going to get ugly."

G:  "OK-- go out there."

Ares:  "No-no-no-no-- I'm gonna need a moment.  Well, stall!"

G:  "Stall?"

Dem:  "Torch the place."

Warrior's Voice:  "Yeah!"

G [As Josa]:  "Sorry, I was, um-- busy."

Dem:  "Come down here, pretty one.  Would you like to help us?"

"Josa":  "Oh-- of course."

Dem:  "We're looking for somebody.  His name is Ares.  He
probably doesn't go by that now.  Now, I've never seen him-- but,
uh-- they say-- his looks are dark-- and women like the look of

"Josa":  "Well, there are a lot of men who come around here whose
looks I like."

Ares:  "Josa!  What _are_ you doin'?  Get back on in the house,
woman.  All right!  What do you want?"

Dem:  "I want you to drop the attitude, farm-boy.  Then I want
you to tell me if you've seen anybody suspicious around here."

Ares:  "Yes, sir, yes I have-- that'd be you."

Dem:  "Now-- give me an answer.  Have you seen any tall, dark,
handsome guy around here?  I'm sure your woman over there
would've been all over him if you did."

X:  "Wait a minute!  If he's out cold, how can we question him?"

Dem:  "He's pretty feisty for a farmer.  How do we know he's not
Ares himself?"

Ares:  [Laughs]

X:  "Are you kidding?  Ares is a much younger man than this."

Dem:  "Oh, yeah-- you've seen him.  Well, the question is-- has
_he_ seen him?"

X:  "That's exactly what I'm gonna find out."

Dem:  "Put that pinch on him.  I've never seen it."

X:  "Well, it's not exactly a spectator sport."

Dem:  "Yeah, but I hear that it makes the nose gush blood.  Are
you gonna do it or not?"

Ares:  "O-o-oh!"

X:  "O-o-oh!  You-- you are going to be dead in 30 seconds-- you
and your little dog, too, if you don't tell me-- have you seen
Ares, the god of war?"

Ares:  "He stayed here a coupl 'a nights ago-- and went to the
Hurata Pass."

X:  "The Hurata Pass."

Dem:  "Good work."

Ares:  "Hey-- hey-hey-hey-hey."

X:  "I'll let Gasgar know right away."

X:  "I'm gonna head for the Hurata Pass."

Warriors:  "Yah!"

Ares:  "Oh-h-h-h!"

G:  "Ares-- you shouldn't have come out with such an attitude."

Ares [Chuckles]:  "My woman-- "

G:  "Yeah?"

Ares:  "-- was about to take on an entire army."

G:  "Oh."

Ares:  "I-- think even a farmer would just have a little bit of
attitude about that, don't you?"

G:  "I was playing with my character.  I just used the first
thing that popped into my head."

Ares:  "I think that says a lot about you."

X:  "Well done, Ares.  You fooled 'em.  They're gone.  Get down
from there.  Hey!"

Ares:  "Hey-hey-hey-hey-hey-- do _not_ be throwing things at my

X:  "What do you mean?!  He bit me!  It-- did you say your dog?"

Ares:  "He is the only one that stood up for me just now.  I
think I'll call you-- Horace.  Come, Horace-- let's go kill some

G:  "It's amazing-- he's bonded with the dog."

X:  "Well, that dog worships him.  That's a relationship Ares can


G:  "I see you use the pull and squeeze method.  I prefer the
double squeeze."

X:  "Double squeeze takes too long."

G:  "No, you get more milk that way.  It's easier on the cow.

Ares [Laughs]:  "The warrior princess and the battling bard--
discussing the correct technique for milking a cow.  Absurd-- and
yet, at the same time-- ridiculous."

X:  "It's important."

Salesman:  "Hello?  Anyone there?"

Ares:  "Horace!  Where you goin', buddy?!"

G:  "In here!"

Salesman:  "I'm sorry to bother you, but-- I was just wondering
if anyone had seen my dog."

Ares:  "Your dog."

Salesman:  "Mm-m.  Uh-- I'm a traveling salesman.  I was passing
through here a couple of weeks ago, and-- my dog ran off during a
thunderstorm.  I was just trying to find him.  Y-you can't miss
him.  He's-- he's got two different colored eyes."

Ares:  "One gray, one blue?"

Salesman:  "Yes!"

Ares:  "I've never seen him."

Salesman:  "Shame.  That's him.  That's him!  Ha-ha.  Tha-- tha--
that's him!"

Ares:  "That's not a dog.  It's a horse.  We breed 'em small
around here."

Salesman:  "No, it's- no, it's really him!  Jake!  Jake, come
back!  Here you go!  Jake, come back to Daddy!"

Ares:  "Run, Horace, run."

Salesman:  "Back!  Come back!"


Salesman:  "Look at the workmanship there."

Dem:  "Get out of the way."

Salesman:  "Oh-- I'll be with you later.  Now-- how may I help
you gentlemen?"

Gas:  "What's _he_ chewin' on?"

Salesman:  "Oh-- it's, uh-- it's funny you should ask that
because-- it's just one of the most precious things that we have
here.  Look at that.  It's-- well, uh-- it's available-- for a

Dem's Voice:  "It looks like Ares' gauntlet."

Gas:  "Where'd you get it?"

Salesman:  "Now, that's a very interesting thing in itself.  You
see-- "

Gas:  "Wher'd you get it?!"

Salesman:  "My dog found it on-on a farm."

Gas:  "What farm?"

Salesman:  "A-- a f-farm."



G:  "Maybe he buried it in the field."

Ares:  "Oh-- you are so quick to blame Horace."

X:  "Well, who else would steal your gauntlet?"

Gre:  "Hello?  Bad news-- Gasgar's army has turned around and is
heading back down the valley.  A soldier from his army was drunk
in a tavern at Ipieros last night-- and he says that Gasgar is
heading for this farm.  Somehow, Gasgar's got it in his head that
Ares is here.  Goodness-- aren't people just the funniest thing?"

X:  "Thank you, Greba."

Gre:  "Oh, and I also heard that-- "

X:  "Greba-- go away."

Gre:  "Well-- goodbye."


Dem:  "Gasgar-- Xena's here.."

Gas:  "Oh.  Good-- send her in.  I thought you were headed for
the-- Hurata Pass, Xena."

X:  "And I heard you turned your army around.  I didn't want you
to waste your time.  Ares headed through here a few days-- "

Gas:  "That's not gonna play.  Ares' gauntlet-- a dog found it on
a farm-- a farm you happened to ride up to-- when Demetrius was
in the middle of an interrogation.  Why are you tryin' to hide
Ares, Xena?

G's Voice:  "I'll tell you why."

X:  "Gabrielle, what are you doing here?"

G:  "I'm tired of being used by you, Xena."

X:  "Gabrielle, this is not time for one of your little spats."

G:  "You wanna know where Ares is?"

Gas:  "Yeah."

X:  "Don't listen to her.  She's insane."

G:  "I'll tell you who's insane-- you.  If you think you can walk
away from me.  You've fallen in love with Ares, and suddenly I'm

Gas:  "You fell in love with Ares?  After all he's done to ya?
That's pathetic."

X:  "You want a piece of me, Gasgar?"

Gas:  "None of my business, really."

X:  "Damn straight."

Gas:  "You were about to tell me-- where Ares is."

G:  "Yeah."

X:  "Wouldn't do that if I were you, Gabrielle."

G:  "Xena, you taught me how to fight.  I may be tougher than you
think.  Ares is headed to Pultruis.  He's gonna hide in the
Naughton Cave."

X:  "Why, I oughtta-- "

G:  "Come on, warrior princess.  Let's see what ya got.  Come


G:  "Ow!"

Gas:  "Whoa.  Whoa.  Can we take this outside?  OK-- I'll leave.
How far to Pultruis?"

Dem:  "It's a day's ride."

X:  "All right.  Nice moves."


Ares:  "Horace!  Oh, yeah.  Come on, come on.  Yeah.  Oh-h-h-h."

G:  "I guess you don't need the flute girls anymore."

Ares:  "Hey-- I like his company.  It's not like he takes care of
all my problems."

X:  "Here."

Ares:  "So, what happened to Gasgar?"

X:  "Oh, he headed with the others towards the Pultruis Caves.
He thought you were hiding out there for some reason."

Ares:  "That would be the Pultruis where the beast of the 7 heads
makes his lair?"

G:  "Eight heads-- and not one of them is friendly."

X:  "So you can stay here as long as you want.  No one'll bother
you here."

Ares:  "Thanks, Xena-- but to be honest-- once I'm out of
chickens-- I might just move on."

X:  "Well, you should drag it out.  You know, you might find a
kind of  peace here that you won't find afterwards.  And who
knows?  Maybe I'll come and visit ya sometime."

Ares:  "Or-- I could give this whole rural thing a good try."

X:  "Good boy.  Have fun."


G:  "How are you feeling?"

X:  "I've learned something since coming back here.  You can't
look for peace in the world around you.  You've gotta find it in
your own heart.  I was happier when I was a kid here 'cause I was
loved and I felt like I belonged.  I was lucky then and I'm lucky

G:  "Me, too."


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