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“Protean Challenge”  Episode 33/220


Thanis (Than):  “Whaddya [sic] wanna be?  [Etc.]”

I:  “Explain to me again why we’re doin’ this.”

H:  “Ah-- because it’s-- fun!”

I:  “Good.”

H:  “Look-- if there isn’t a place for the runoff from the rains
to go-- all the crops in the valley will be destroyed.”

I:  “I know.”

H:  “You do?”

I:  “You know?  If Thanis spent more time farming instead of
sculpting, he wouldn’t have this problem.”

H:  “Ah, he’s an artist.”

I:  “So?”

H:  “You know how they are.”

I:  “No?”

Than:  “Come on, how can I help you unless you help me?”

I:  “At least there’s a nice view.”

H:  “Where?”

I:  [Chuckles]

H:  “Ah-- so you like chickens.”

I:  [Laughs]

Than:  “Hercules, Iolaus, I’m sorry.  I-I meant to get this to
you before now.”

H:  “It’s not a problem.  Ah-- ”

I [Sighs]:  “Ah-- oh.  Is Daniella gonna come and join us?”

Than:  “I don’t think so.  That daughter of mine has been off in
her own world, lately.”

I:  “Oh.”

Than:  “But I’m sure she’ll [Snaps fingers]-- snap out of it,

H:  “Ah-- how’s your sculpture coming, Thanis?”

Than:  “Ah-- it’s only three weeks to the exhibit in Athens, and
I’m still waiting for the rock to tell me what it wants to be.”

I:  “Yeah-- yeah, rocks are stubborn that way.”

Than:  “Right.  Right.  Say, I have to go into Volos.  I
thought, uh--”

I [Interrupts]:  “Oh, oh, I’m there.”

H:  “W-w-wait.  Aren’t you gonna stay and help me dig?”

I:  “Nah.  Hercules-- thank you-- but, uh-- no, no, you stay.
Have all the fun.  Bye.”

H [Sighs]:  “Fine.  Great.”


I:  “Ah-- Iolaus, you had to volunteer.”

Trilos’s [Tri’s] Voice:  “That’s unfair!”

Than:  “Now, listen-- you listen to me.  I am not paying you
extra so you can _stuff_ your greedy face with food!”

Tri [Interrupts]:  “[?] food!”

Than:  “I will walk to the next town-- !”

Tri:  “What am I supposed to do?!” 

Than:  “-- before I come back and do business with you!”

Tri [Interrupts]:  “Well, go to the next town!  I don’t care!  I
don’t care!”

I:  “What was all that about?”

Than:  “Ahh-- Trilos keeps raising his prices.  Greedy fool!
Ahh-- forget about him.  I still got a couple ’a things I gotta
pick up.  I’ll be right back.”

I:  “Ah-- I’m not going anywhere.”
Woman’s Voice:  “Ahh!  That’s mugging!”

I:  “Thanis?”

Woman’s Voice:  “In broad daylight!”

I:  “Thanis, no!  Don’t!”

Bornus [Bor]:  “Thanis, what’s goin’ on, here!  Stop, Thanis!
Come back here!”

I:  “Stand back.  Give him some air.  Ah.”

Than:  [Whistling]

Bor:  “There’s Thanis!  He’s the one who did this!”

Men’s Voices:   “Thief!”  “He did it!”  “He’s the one!”  

Than:  “What are you babbling about, Bornus?  Did what?”

Bor:  “Ah, spare us your lies!  I saw it!”

I:  “Why did you do it, Thanis?”

Than:  “Do what?!”

Man’s Voice:  “Yeah, I saw ya, too!”

Tri:  “You hit me on the head and robbed me, you thief!”

Than:  “I’m no thief!  Iolaus, tell ‘em!”

I:  “But [Sighs]-- I saw you do it.”

Woman’s Voice:  “Take him away!”

Than:  “That’s impossible.”

Bor:  “Enough talk!  It’s time for action!”

I:  “No, wait!”

Than:  “No!  I didn’t do anything!  Let me go!”

I:  “What’re you doing?!”

Bor:  “I say we stone the thief!”

People:  “Yeah!”

Than:  “Don’t, I’m begging you.  You people know me.  You
couldn’t possibly believe I’d do anything like this.”

I:  “You can’t just kill the man.  He deserves a trial!”

Bor:  “And what would a trial prove that the eyes haven’t
already seen?”

I:  “Maybe, there’s an explanation.  Maybe-- ”

Tri [Interrupts]:  “You’re an outsider!  You don’t have any idea
what’s been goin’ on around here, lately!  One crime after
another, and still nobody caught!  Until now.”

I:  “It doesn’t make sense to blame Thanis for everything!”

Bor:  “Maybe not-- but his punishment will stand as a warning to
another thief that comes to Volos.”

Than:  “No.”

I:  “Wait a second!  What’re you trying to do?!”

Man’s Voice:  “Get the outsider!”

Bor:  “Thanis, you’ve betrayed your neighbors!”

Man’s Voice:  “What’re ya waiting for?!”

Bor:  “And now ya gotta pay for it.”

H:  “You don’t wanna do that.”



Bor:  “Who do you think you are-- butting in this way?!”

I:  “He’s Hercules.”

Bor:  “Right-- and I’m Jason-- leader of the argonauts.”

I:  “Hey-- I know Jason.  Believe me, pal, you are no Jason.”

Bor:  “If you are who he says who are, big fella-- you wouldn’t
be standin’ in the way of justice.”

H:  “Oh, I believe in justice-- as long as it’s just.  Now, what

Tri:  “He hit me on the head and robbed me!”

Than:  “We may have had our differences, but you _know_ I’m no

Tri:  “Your friend here was a witness.”

I:  “Well, that’s true, Hercules.  I-- I saw the whole thing.”

Bor:  “Hmm-hmm-hmm-hmm.  Satisfied?  Now, step aside while I
rid-- ”

H:  “Nobody-- is getting stoned while I’m here.”

Bor:  “We want justice.”

H:  “Killing a man for stealing isn’t justice.”

Bor:  “Ahh, that’s what you say!”

H:  “Anyone who wants to take the law into his own hands-- is
gonna have to go through me.”

I:  “And me.”

[Murmuring in the background]

Bor:  “All right.  But you still haven’t told us what you’re
gonna do with him.”

H:  “You must have a magistrate around here, someplace.  We’ll
let him handle this.  Any complaints?”

People:  “No.”

H:  “Good.  Let’s go find him, Thanis.”


Than:  “I’ve been doing business with Trilos for years.  We’ve
always argued over his prices.  They’re too high, if you ask me.
But I’d never steal.”

Magistrate [Mag]:  “Guard-- take him to his cell.”

Than:  “I need your help.  I really do.”

H:  “We’ll do everything we can.  What’s gonna happen to him?”

Mag:  “Oh, he won’t be stoned.  We’re not barbarians.”

I:  “Huh-- that’s a relief.”

Mag:  “We’ll simply chop off his hands.”

I:  “What?!”

H:  “Just for stealing?”

Mag:  “It’s a sign of the times, my friend.  With all the crime
we’ve had in Volos lately, we _have_ to make a statement-- or
else who knows what’ll happen next?”

H:  “But, Thanis isn’t a criminal.”

I:  “Yeah, he’s an artist.”

Mag:  “I know.  My oldest son _posed_ for one of his sculptures.
But that doesn’t change what people say they saw Thanis do.”

H:  “He swears he’s innocent.”

Mag:  “They all do.”

I:  “Oh, come on.  Ya have to let him tell his side of the

Mag:  “I don’t have to do anything!  All right.  In the interest
of fairness-- I’ll delay punishment for 24 hours.  If you two
can find absolute proof of his innocence in that time-- he’ll be
a free man.  If not-- I suppose he’ll have to sculpt with his


Than:  “What would I be without my hands?  I couldn’t sculpt, I
couldn’t farm.  There’d be no use for me!”

H:  “We want to help you, Thanis, but you’ve got to help us

Than:  “Just listen to reason.  If I’d robbed him, you really
think I would’ve shown my face back there?!”

H:  “I-- I know.  It doesn’t make any sense.  But even Iolaus
said he saw you.”

I:  “I wish I’d been looking the other way.”

H:  “Where were you during the robbery?  Whoever saw you should
be willing to speak up.”

Than:  “It’s no use.  I went looking for the draper-- to buy
Daniella a bolt of fabric.  But he wasn’t in his shop.”

I:  “Did _anybody_ see you?”

Than [Sighs]:  “Afraid not.  It’s as if the gods are punishing
me-- and all the other good, decent people in this village.”

H:  “Be brave, Thanis.  We’ll get to the bottom of this.”


Men’s Voices:  “Out of the way!”  “Stone the thief!”

I:  “What is going on here?”

Woman’s Voice:  “He’ll be punished!”

I:  “All this turmoil, and they’re not even at war.”

H:  “Yeah-- so you better-- get back to the farm and tell
Daniella about her father.”

I:  “What’re you gonna do?”

H:  “Ah, I’m gonna go talk to Trilos and see if I can-- make any
sense of all this.”

I:  “Good luck.”

H:  “Yeah.”


Tri:  “Thanis is crazy, I tell ya.”

H:  “What makes you say that?”

Tri:  “He kept saying I owe him money for a dozen chickens.
Look around.  Do you see any chickens?  Dolmars [sic]?  They’re
fresh.  The wife made them this morning.”

H:  “Ah, I’m not hungry-- thanks.”

Tri:  “OK.”

H:  “Thanis said the two of you-- have had your differences in
the past.”

Tri:  “Yeah.  That’s because he’s a cheapskate.  Thinks I should
send him those s-sculpture chisels for nothing.  Maybe all
artists are like that.”

H:  “That still doesn’t explain the robbery, or why he came back
right after it.”

Tri:  “Well, obviously, he’s not much of a thief.  Hmm.  Are you
sure you don’t wanna try one of these?  They’re good for what
ails ya.  Even cured my headache.”

H:  “That’s OK.  My health is fine.  It’s Thanis’ I’m worried

Tri:  “Doesn’t make any sense, him robbing me.  Nothing makes
any sense in Volos anymore.”

H:  “Well-- thanks for your help.”

Tri:  “Hmm.”


I:  “Daniella?  Ya home?!  Daniella?”

Daniella [Dan]:  [Hums]

I:  “Da-- oops!  Uh-- ”

Dan:  “Iolaus?”

I:  “Yeah.  Uh, sorry.  I didn’t mean to startle you.  But, um--
I-I do have to talk to you.”

Dan:  “Well, you found me.”

I:  “Yeah.”

Dan:  “Could you get me my dress?”

I:  “Wh-- uh, yeah.  Yeah.  Uh-- ”

Dan:  “You don’t have to be embarrassed.  Just-- bring it to

I:  “OK.  Here you are.”

Dan:  “Thank you.  You can let go anytime you want.”

I:  “Huh?  Oh!  Uh, yeah-- sorry.”

Dan:  “Were you spying on me?”

I:  “No, Daniella!  I’m not that kind of guy.  Even though I-- I
am crazy about you.”

Dan:  “Well, then, why are you here?”

I:  “Uh-- well-- there’s been some trouble with your father.
He, uh-- he stole from a merchant-- a-a guy named-- Trilos?
And, uh-- he’s in prison.”

Dan:  “My father would never do something like that.”

I:  “Daniella, I saw the whole thing.”

Dan:  “It wasn’t my father.”

I:  “Well, um-- ”


Proteus-as-Hag [Pro/Hag]:  “I can tell your future.”

H:  “Uh-- thanks, but I’d-- rather be surprised.”

Pro/Hag:  “The great Hercules isn’t a believer?  But you will
be-- you will be-- ”

H:  “Do I know you?”

Pro/Hag:  “That’s not the question.  The question is-- do I know
you?  And I do, son of Alcmene.”

H:  “If-- you’ve got something to say to me, say it now.”

Pro/Hag:  “Leave Volos.  There’s nothing here for you but

H:  “Well, you know what they say-- misery loves company.”

Pro/Hag:  “You act as if this is a joke!”

H:  “Then tell me more.”

Pro/Hag:  “There’s nothing more to say when tragedy is in the
air.”  [Turns into a chicken]



I [Sighs]:  “If you told me a little more about the crimes
around here, maybe I could help.”

Dan:  “I told you what I’m going to do.”

I:  “Talk to Hercules, right.  He-- I think you’re forgetting
that he and I fought side by side-- you know-- I mean, we’ve
been up against some pretty-- ”

Dan [Interrupts]:  “Iolaus?  I’m not in the mood to be

I [Sighs]:  “Sorry.”

Dan:  “They haven’t cut off my father’s hands yet, have they?”

I:  “How did you-- ?”

Dan:  “I saw it once when I was a little girl.”

I:  “Oh.”

Dan:  “Tell me about my father.”

I [Sighs]:  “The magistrate gave us 24 hours to prove his

Dan:  “Then there’s still time.”

I:  “Yeah.”


Dan:  “My father gave this to the village.  It was the first
sculpture he ever displayed in public.”

I:  “Huh-- ”

Dan:  “You should’ve seen the look on his face when he realized
that he could touch people with his art.  How could anyone think
that the hands that created this belong to a thief?”

Pro/H:  “Iolaus!  We’ve got trouble!  Come on!”

I:  “Uh-- I gotta go.”

Dan:  “What’s goin’ on?!”

I:  “Uh, I’ll tell ya when I find out.”

Pro/H:  “Come on!”

I:  “Uh.  Don’t worry!  I’ll bring Hercules back for you.”


Man’s Voice:  “Melons!  Two for a dinar!”

Pro/H:  “Iolaus!  This way!”

I:  “Where are we going?!”

Man’s Voice:  “Melons?”

I:  “That’s OK-- w-we can talk later.”


Mag:  “Keep it short-- all right?”

Dan:  “I promise I won’t let them hurt you.  I promise I won’t.”

Than:  “Oh-h-h-h-h-h--- don’t cry, Daniella.  No, no, you’ve
gotta be strong.”

Dan [Whispers]:  “But, this is my fault.”

Than:  “No-- no, no.  That’s not true.”

Dan:  “There are so many things that I wanna tell you-- and I
don’t know if I’m going to be able to.”

Than:  “All that matters to me is your love.”

Dan:  “I am so sorry.  I am so, so sorry.”

Bor’s Voice:  “No need for you to apologize-- ”

Bor:  “It wasn’t you who robbed Trilos.”

Dan:  “What are you doing here, Bornus?”

Bor:  “You could say I came to see you.  But, uh-- that never
seemed to interest you much.”

Than:  “Leave her alone!  Tell me what’s on your mind.”

Bor:  “You’re  not gonna like it, Thanis.  I volunteered to
carry out your punishment.”

Dan [Screaming]:  “Animal!”

Bor:  “Whoa!  Calm down, my sweet!”

Than:  “Bornus, don’t you hurt her!”

Dan:  “What kind of man are you, anyway?!  Volunteering to maim
someone-- who’s trying to bring beauty to this village!  Someone
who’s no more guilty than you are.”

Bor:  “That’s not for me to decide.  I just wanna let you know
that it’s-- nothing personal?”

Than:  “You’re wrong.  It’s very personal.”


Men’s Voices:  “They’re very fresh, sir.”  “Would you like--
like some melons, sir?  I-- have them-- ”

I:  “This is ridiculous.”

Man’s Voice:  “Three for a dinar!”

I:  “-- playing games when we should be tryin’ to save Thanis
from the world’s worst manicure.  Hercules!  Come out, come out,
wherever you are.”  [Sighs]


Pro/H:  “Daniella?”

Dan:  “Hercules-- you startled me.”

Pro/H:  “I’m sorry.”

Dan:  “Did Iolaus catch up with you?”

Pro/H:  “Yes, he asked me to look after you.”

Dan:  “I was afraid that something terrible happened.”

Pro/H:  “What’s wrong?”

Dan:  “I’ve been such a fool.  I didn’t think it would come to

Pro/H:  “Come to what?”

Dan:  “You’re in danger.”

Pro/H:  “No.  Now why would I-- be in danger?  I know exactly
how to solve the problems here.”

Dan:  “You do.”

Pro/H:  “Yes, of course.  You forget-- I am a god.  And you have
nothing-- to worry about-- absolutely nothing.  Your father will
be fine.  You have my word.”


H [Sighs]:  “Iolaus, there you are.  Now, I’ve been looking all
over for you?”

I:  “I don’t think so.”

H:  “Did I-- miss something?”

I:  “Nope-- everything’s just swell.”

H:  “You don’t-- sound like it is.”

I [Sighs]:  “Look-- I saw you.  OK?”

H:  “Saw me what?”

I:  “You really want me to say this.  I saw you-- kissing

H:  “Iolaus.  I-I’ve never kissed her.  I mean, I haven’t seen
her since I left Thanis’ farm this morning.”

I:  “Hey, don’t lie to me.”

H:  “What?”

I:  “I said, ‘Don’t lie to me!’”

H:  “Now, why would I lie to you?!”

I:  “I can’t imagine what’s goin’ on in your head.”

H:  “What-- ?  Do you have any idea what he’s talking about?”

Man:  “Mm-mm.”

H:  “Neither do I.”


Man’s Voice:  “See you later.”

H:  “What-- is going on?”


H:  “Iolaus.  Come on, Iolaus, let’s talk about this!”



Pro/I:  [Yells]


H:  “Are you-- out-- of your mind?!”

Pro/I:  [Yells]

H:  “If this is about Daniella, you’re making a big-- mistake.
Iolaus-- I am just _about_ out of patience.  No more.”

I:  “Hercules!”

H:  “Iolaus.”

Pro/I:  [Yells]

I:  “You all right?”

H:  “Y-y-y-y-yeah-- now that I know that wasn’t you I was
fighting, I’m-- I’m fine.”

I:  “Ooh-- that hurt?”

H:  “Ow!”

I:  “Sorry.”


I:  “I could’ve sworn that was you kissing Daniella.”

H:  “I tried to tell you.”

I:  “Well, I’m sorry.  My--my hearing’s not too good when
jealousy plugs up my ears.”

H:  “It was Proteus.”

I:  “Proteus?  You mean-- the god who changes shapes?”

H:  “The one and only.  I knew him when we were kids.  All the
gods used to tease him mercilessly, and I went right along with

I:  “Why?”

H:  “Because he was-- I don’t know-- funny-looking.”

I:  “Well, doesn’t sound like-- sum’in’ you’d do.”

H:  “Yeah, I know.  I was young and I didn’t know any better.
We eventually became friends-- but then, uh-- that was because
my mother taught me I shouldn’t ridicule anybone simply because
they’re different than me.  Thanks.”

I:  “Well, you know?  When I saw him-- I thought he looked--
incredibly handsome.”  [They laugh.]

H:  “Well, don’t be too flattered.  He can assume the shape of
any living form.  That’s the way he’s always survived.”

I:  “So-- if he’s your friend-- why does he wanna hurtcha?”

H:  “I have no idea, but I am gonna find out.”

I:  “Here-- there ya go.”

H:  “Thanks.  You know?  For a while there-- it seemed like our
fight about Xena all over again.”

I:  “Hmm.  Yeah, only this time, it wasn’t me.”

H:  “Oh, I’m glad.”

I:  “Well, you should be.  It’s the only reason you had a
chance.  Ow!”

H:  “Oh, I’m sorry.  Does that hurt?”  [They laugh.]


I’s Voice:  “How didja know it was Proteus and not Hercules
who-- ?”

Dan:  “-- was kissing me?  Because it was like kissing a frog.
It was cold and clammy and-- well, I-I just never thought-- ”

H:  “-- that I would kiss like a frog?  Thank you.  I appreciate
the vote of confidence.  Now-- why is Proteus causing all these
problems in Volos?”

Dan:  “It’s my fault.  It’s because of me.”

I:  “He’s a god.  What could you have done?”

Dan:  “I chased him away when he was spying on me while I was

I:  “Oh.”

Dan:  “It all started about a month ago at the lake.  I had just
stepped out of the water and put on my gown-- when a handsome
young warrior walked up and bowed-- like I was royalty.  He said
he had seen me and lost his heart.”

H:  “Did you know it was Proteus?”

Dan:  “No, not right away.  But then I saw his reflection in the
water, and he wasn’t a warrior at all.  He was a hideous,
deformed creature.  I ran as fast as my legs would carry me.”

H:  “Now he’s makin’ Volos pay for the way you rejected him.”

Dan:  “No one’s gonna suffer more than my father.  Hercules, his
life is his art.  If the villagers take that away, he’ll die.”

I:  “The magistrate’s never gonna believe us-- unless we can
prove it was Proteus posing as Thanis.”

H:  “I’ll take care of that.”

Dan:  “How?”

H:  “By-- finding Proteus.”


H:  “Proteus!”

Hag:  “Heh?!”

H:  “Proteus, you chicken!”


Man’s Voice:  “Is he crazy?!”

Woman’s Voice:  “He’s ruining everything!”

Men’s Voices:  “Drunken fool!”  “What’s he up to?!”

Woman’s Voice:  “He’ll pay for this!”

Men’s Voices:  “Hey!  Not-not you, again!”  “He’s completely-- ”
“Have you lost something?”

Salesman:  “Hey!  Ya tear it, ya wear it.”

H:  “Uh-- I guess you don’t carry my size.  Uh-- I’ll help you
clean up, later.”

Man:  “You betcha will!”

H:  “There you are.”

A Man:  “Look out!”

H:  “Gotcha!  Now, I’ve had _enough_ of this, Proteus.  We have
a _lot_-- to talk about.”

A Woman:  “Excuse me.”

H:  “Huh?”

A Woman:  “Can I have my rooster back?”

H:  “He’s yours?”

A Woman:  “Yeah.”

H:  “Oh-- sorry.”


Dan:  “Any sign of Hercules.”

I:  “I’m afraid not.”

Dan:  “Oh.”

I:  “You have to have faith in him, Daniella.  I’ve never seen
Hercules fail-- not when he can get face-to-face with whatever
he’s after.”

Dan:  “He’s a good man, isn’t he?”

I:  “Yeah.  Yeah, he’s the best.”

Dan:  “I want you to know-- that no matter what happens today--
I feel the same way about you.  I have to go.  My father needs

I:  “Daniella-- uh-- whatever happens-- I ll be by your side--
every step of the way.”


Mag:  “It’s time, Thanis.”

Than:  “Already?.”

Mag:  “I’m afraid so.”

Bor:  “Aw-w-w, move it!  You certainly didn’t drag your heels
when you robbed Trilos!”

Than:  “But my hands!  My-- my art.”

Bor:  “No one cares about those chunks ’a rock except you!”

Mag:  “You’re wrong, Bornus.  I thought Thanis’ sculptures were

Than:  “Well, then, how can you-- ?”

Bor:  “It’s justice!”


H:  “Trilos-- ”

Tri:  “Well, look who’s here.  Come to see Thanis get his just
desserts, have ya?”

H:  “It wasn’t Thanis who robbed you.”

Tri:  “I thind you’ve been in the sun too long.  Or is this knot
on my head an illusion?”

H:  “Hardly-- but it was Proteus who put it there.  He took
Thanis’ shape.”

Tri:  “The god, Proteus.”

H:  “Yes.”

Tri:  “And why would he waste his time in Volos?  And what would
he _possibly_ want with _my_ money?”

H:  “You were just a convenient target, Trilos.  He’s angry
because he can’t get Daniella to-- fall in love with him.”

Tri:  “Nice story!”

H:  “All I want is a favor.  Just ask the magistrate if he’ll
delay Thanis’ punishment.  He’ll listen to you.  You were the

Tri:  “Give me a reason.”

H:  “To spare an innocent man’s life-- and to give me the time
to find Proteus.”

Tri:  “Nice try, Hercules.”

H:  “What would it hurt?!”

Pro/Dan:  “Hercules?  [Pants]  I’m so glad I found you.”

H:  “Daniella, what’s wrong?”

Pro/Dan:  “Um-- could we, uh-- talk somewhere?”

H:  “Yeah-- sure.”

Pro/Dan:  “Private?”


H:  “Here.  Just catch your breath-- tell me what happened.”

Pro/Dan:  “It’s Iolaus.  He kept trying to kiss me when we were
walking here.  And then he went into a rage when I told him--
that my heart belonged to someone else-- you.”

H [Sighs]:  “Daniella, I-- th-this isn’t right.”

Pro/Dan:  “Even when Proteus was posing as you, I couldn’t deny
what I was feeling.  That’s why I didn’t try to stop you-- well,
I-I mean him-- from kissing me.  Ever since then all I keep
thinking about is you.  The feel of your skin against mine.  The
taste of your lips.”



Pro/Dan:  “Oh, Hercules-- you know we should be together.”


H:  “You’ve _got_ to do better than that, Proteus.”

Pro/Dan [Pro’s Voice]:  “Let me go!”

H:  “No!  Not until ya tell the people of Volos what you’ve


Man’s Voice [In Background]:  “Thanis is going to get what he

Dan [Interrupts]:  “Do you think they’ve started yet?”

I:  “No-- everybody’d be there if they had.”

Dan:  “How can they be so vindictive?  My father never hurt

I:  “The smell of blood brings out the worst in people.”

Dan:  “I don’t see Hercules.”

I:  “Daniella-- we will _save_ your father.  That is, if
Hercules hasn’t done it, already.”

Dan:  “How?”

I:  “I’ll think of something.”

Man’s Voice [In Background]:  Come on, let’s go!”

I [Interrupts]:  “Come on.”


Pro/Dan [Pro’s Voice]:  “The girl is mine!”

H:  “She doesn’t _love_ you.  Now, what?”


Pro/H [Pro’s Voice]:  “I warned you to leave.”

H:  “This is really weird.”


Woman’s Voice:  “Right.”

Man’s Voice:  “-- the crime-- and he’ll have to pay the cost!”

Mag:  “Thanis-- you have broken the laws of Volos-- and must now
receive the appropriate punishment.  As-- no evidence to support
your innocence has come to light-- it is my duty-- ”

I:  “Wait!  Witt [sic]!”

Bor:  “Oh-h.”

I:  “Give Daniella a chance to speak.”

Bor:  “This better be good!”

Man’s Voice [In Background]:  “Let’s get on with it!”

Mag:  “Go ahead, Daniella.”

Dan:  “My father’s innocent.  It was the god, Proteus-- who
attacked Trilos.  He’s the one causing all the problems here.”

Tri:  “That’s the same rubbish Hercules tried to tell me!  Well,
I know who robbed me!  It was Thanis!”

Than:  “No, no, no-- No-o!”

Dan:  “You’re wrong.”

Mag:  “You’ve gotta have proof, Daniella.”

Man’s Voice [In Background]:  “Enough of this nonsense.”

Dan:  “Proteus took my father’s place.  He deceived everyone--
the way he always does.”

I:  “Go ahead.  Laugh.  But Proteus can assume the shape of--
any person or anything he wants.  He could be here among you,
now.  He could be you-- or you.”

Bor:  “Pay no attention to him!  It’s a trick!  He’s playing
games with your minds!”

Tri:  “That’s right!  Thanis must be punished!”

Dan:  “No, you can’t!”

Mag:  “You’ve gotta have proof, Daniella.”


Man:  “Ooh, Clytus?!  Are you all right?”

Clytus:  “Yeah.”

Man:  “Here-- let me help.  “Oh, no.  No.”



H:  “Proteus!”

Pro/H [Pro’s Voice]:  “She’s mi-i-i-i-ine!”


Mag:  “Bornus-- you may carry out the sentence.”

People’s Voice:  “Yeah!”

Bor:  “It’ll be my honor.”

I:  “You know nothing about honor!”


Man’s Voice:  “Stop him!”

Guards:  “Ah-h-h-h-h-h!  Come on, you!”


Pro/H [Pro’s Voice]:  “Why did you have to _come_ here?!
Why-y-y-y-y-y?!  N-o-o-o-o-o-o!  N-o-o-o-o!  Ah-h-h-h!
A-h-h-h-h-h-h-h!  Ah-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h!  N-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o!”

Pro:  “All I wanted was to love and be loved in return.  Was
that too much to ask?”

H:  “No, but you can’t-- you can’t force someone to love you.”

Pro:  “How else was I supposed to do it?”

H [Sighs]:  “Ya have to _be_ who you are, Proteus.  That’s all
anybody can be.”

Pro:  “But, look at me.”

H:  “That never stopped us-- from being friends.”

Pro:  “You were my only friend-- but now I’ve done so many
terrible things.  You’ll probably never want anything to do with
me again.”

H:  “There’s still time left to make amends.”

Pro:  “There is?”

H:  “Yes, but-- we’ve got to get going.  Come on.”


I:  “You’ve got the wrong man!”

Dan:  “Please believe us!”

Mag:  “I wish I could.”

I [Aside]:  “Faint.”

Dan [Aside]:  “What?”

I [Aside]:  “Faint-- it’s our only chance.”

Mag:  “Bornus.”

Dan:  “Ah-h-h!”


Guard’s Voice:  “Get him!”

Bor:  “Hold on to him!”

I:  “Ow!  Ow!  Ow!  Ow!”

Bor:  “Let’s get this over with!”

Mag:  “Begin.”

Dan:  [Screams]

H:  “Don’t be in such a rush.  I don’t think my 24 hours are up,

Mag:  “What now?!”

H:  “You’re punishing the wrong man.”

Mag:  “I’m afraid it’s too late for us to consider that.”

H:  “Even if I have Proteus as proof?”

Pro:  “I was the one who attacked Trilos.”

Bor:  “Oh, get out of here, shorty!  You’re standin’ in the path
of justice.”  [Snickers]

Mag:  “How can we possibly believe that this-- pathetic
creature-- is a god?”

H:  “Show them, Proteus.  Is that good enough for you?  Or would
you rather have him be-- the bully-- with the sword?”

Bor:  “Oh, my-- ”

H:  “Bornus-- when you pull yourself together-- free Thanis,
would you?  Guards!  Set Daniella and her friend loose.”

Than:  “Daniella.”

A Man:  “I can see why Proteus changes shapes.”

Woman:  “If I had a dog like that, I’d kill it.”

I:  “What is wrong with you people?  Give him a break.”

H:  “Proteus came here knowing that you would probably laugh at
him!  And yet, he still had the courage to do what was right--
and save Thanis.  If you feel like you have to judge him-- judge
him for that-- not the way he looks.”

Pro:  “Daniella-- I don’t know if I can ever make up for what
I’ve done to you-- your father-- this whole village.  But please
believe me when I say that I never meant to hurt anyone.  I only
wanted to win your heart.”

Dan:  “I believe you-- and thank you for what you’ve done

Pro:  “Would it be all right if I left now?  I’m embarrassed
with all these people around.”

H:  “It’s all right.  You can go.  But try to remember that,
someday-- someone’ll see you for who you really are.”


I:  “That must’ve been very strange-- fighting Proteus.”

H:  “Yeah-- I was beside myself.”

Than:  “Hercules-- you’ll be happy to know the rock has made its
decision.  I am gonna carve a likeness of you that even Proteus
couldn’t match.”

H:  “Why, thank you, Thanis.  I’m flattered.”

Dan:  “Well, after everything that you’ve done for us, it’ll be
a wonderful way to remember you.”

H:  “Ah-h-h.”

I:  “Ah, that’s, uh-- nice.”

Dan:  “Don’t worry, Iolaus.  Father hasn’t forgotten about you.”

I:  “Oh, really?”

Than:  “Absolutely!  I went to the quarry this morning.  I found
the _perfect_ stone for you.”

I:  “Uh-- huh.  That’s great.  Thanks, Thanis.”

Than:  “Well, if you like it, you oughtta see the rest of it.”

I:  “What?”

Dan:  “Up there.”

I:  “Ha-ha-ha-ha!  Look at that, Hercules.  It’ll be you and me
side by side.”

H:  “Well, why should it be any different?”

I:  “Yeah.  Hey-- do you think we have to worry about pigeons?
[Laughter]  Y-you know?!  Th-h-h-h-ht!  Th-h-h-h-ht!”


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