Whoosh! Online
Edition Take a Journey Through Tartarus!

TRANSCRIPTION OF HTLJ
MUMMY DEAREST


“Mummy Dearest”  Episode 41/304

[TEASER]

Thug 1:  “We’re in.  Hand me the torch.”

Thug 2:  “Do you feel all right?  Any sudden fever or boils?
Plaue?”

Thug 1:  “For the last time, there’s no such thing as a curse.
It is told only to keep people like us from treausres-- like
that.”

Thug 2:  “Perhaps we should leave-- before the curese-- begins--
”

Thug 1 [Interrupting]:  “Don’t be ridiculous.  Some will pay
handsomely for this treasure.”  [Laughs]

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[Indistinct conversation]

Men’s Voices:  “Over here!”  “Coming through.”  “Wait till you
see my mask.”  “Have you tried the witches’ brew?”

Woman’s Voice:  “No.”

Vendor:  “Wax skulls.  Get ‘em here.  Fine quality.”

H:  “Weird.”

Phineus [Phi]:  “So-- our guest of honor has finally arrived.”

H:  “It’s good to see you again, Phineus.  Ah-- place looks--
different.”

Phi:  “Eh-- the children have decorated it for the festival.
They wanna scare away the ghost of King Cecrops.”

H:  “The ghost-- of King Cecrops.”

Phi:  “You’re not afraid of the king’s ghost?  Even though his
dying words were to swear vengeance against you?!”

H:  “If I worried about every threat-- I would never-- leave
home.”

Keb:  “Hey, you!”

Man’s Voice:  “Party’s over!”

H:  “And, at the moment, home is lookin’ pretty good.”

Phi:  “Bye.”

Keb:  “If I were you-- I’ d turn around and leave now!”

H:  “Thanks, for the advice, friend, but I-- was invited.”

Keb:  “Well, here’s my invitation!”

H:  “I don’t care much for your stationery.”

[Fight]

H:  “You better brush up on your etiquette.”

Anuket [Anu]:  “On the contrary-- that was perfect.”

H:  “Really?  I’ve always felt that a, ‘Hello.  How are you?
Nice to meet you.’ is-- more appropriate.”

Anu:  “Hello.  How are you?  Nice to meet you.”

H:  “Well, actually, we haven’t met. I’m-- ”

Anu:  “Hercules-- yes, I know.  I’m the princess, Anuket--
daughter of Ramses the third, Pharaoh of Egypt.”

H:  “That’s a big title.  And this must be your-- royal welcome
wagon.”

Anu:  “It was the only way for me to make sure that you were the
right one.”

H:  “The right one for what?”

Anu:  “To find my mummy.”

H:  “Your-- mommy?”

Anu:  “Not-- my mommy, my mummy.”

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Salmoneus [Sal] [Coughs]:  “Whaddya call this thing, again?”

Thug 1:  “A mummy-- yours for forty dinars.” 

Sal:  “Forty?!  It’s all wrinkled!  When’s the last time you
washed it?  Look-- it’s falling apart, here.”

Thug 1:  “Fine-- twenty dinars.  Look-- give me ten dinars, and
I’ll leave.”

Sal:  “Deal.”

Thug 1:  “May the gods protect you.”

Sal:  “You, too, friend.  Huh!  This trinket alone is worth more
than ten dinars.  You, my friend, are gonna make me a mint.”
[Laughs]

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[ACT I]

Keb:  “Kneel before the princess. ”

H:  “Thanks, but I’ll stand.”

Anu:  “You may go now, Keb.”

Keb:  “Yes, your Highness.”

Anu:  “He was only acting on my orders.” 

H:  “Does he do everything you want?”

Anu:  “Everybody does.  For some day, I will rule all of Egypt.
Now-- we must talk about my mummy.”

H:  “Sorry, Anuket, but mummies give me the creeps.”

Anu:  “How dare you speak in such terms?!  this is the body of
the great Pharaoh, Ishtar-- from whom I am descended.  It was
stolen from its burial place.  Its trail has led us here to
Attica.”

H:  “You’re-- worrying about a dead man when you’re denying real,
live people their freedom.”

Anu:  “You want me to free my slaves?  Surely, the great Hercules
cannot be so ignorant.  Have you never learned the privileges of
royalty?”

H [Sighs]:  “No, thank you.  I’ve lost my appetite.”

Anu:  “Hercules-- come-- sit.  Enjoy.”

H:  “Not on your life, lady.”

Anu:  “I will _not_-- be insulted!”

H:  “I think you just were.  How can you treat human beings like
property?

Anu:  “They have good lives.  I feed them-- clothe them-- shelter
them.”

H:  “And, what if something happens to you?”

Anu:  “They are buried with me, of course.”

H:  “Even thought, they’re still alive.”

Anu:  “Their fates are intertwined with mine.  It makes perfect
sense.”

H:  “Ah, no-- I’ll tell you what makes perfect sense-- _my_--
leaving.”

Anu:  “I command you to stay!”

H:  “Excuse me?”

Anu:  “I _want_ you to find my mummy-- and I _want_ you to find
it, now.”

H:  “Manners aren’t your strong suit, are they?  Bye-bye,
Princess.”

Anu:  “Keb!  Come quickly!  We have work to do.”

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Delivery Man [Del Man]:  “Hello?!”

Sal:  “Oh, good, the wax!  Put it down with the other crates.”

Del Man:  “You are making many candles?”

Sal:  “Candles?  Candles, my friend, are a mere utilitarian
object.  This will become art.  And the art will become part of--
Salmoneus’ house of horrors.  [Laughs]  All wax-- except for the
centerpiece of my exhibit-- my greatest find-- the part that
exhibits man’s deepest, darkest nature-- the evil curse that
permeates-- ”

Del Man:  [Screams] 

Sal:  “Everybody’s a critic!  What, you’ve never seen a mummy,
before?!  Don’t listen to him.  You and I are gonna make some
serious dinars, together.”  [Laughs]  

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Women’s Voices:  “You can be anything you please, tonight!”  “--
the mask... straight out of Tartarus.”  “There she is.”

Phi:  “Please, excuse me.  I-I wasn’t looking.”

Keb:  “How dare you touch Princess Anuket?!  You will _die_ for
this offense!”

Anu:  “No, Keb-- release him.”

Keb:  “But-- !”

Anu:  “Do it, now.”

H:  “That’s better.”

Phi:  “Much better.”

H:  “Does he-- ever relax?”

Anu:  “Leave us.”

Keb:  “Yes, your Highness.”

Anu:  “He protects me only when I don’t want to be touched.”

H:  “Hmm.  Uh-oh.  I’m-- sorry, Princess, but I’m-- not in the
market.”

Anu:  “But I come-- seeking your help.”

H:  “You know?  If this is about your mummy again, I-I’m still
not interested.  I mean, a body wrapped in-- cloth.  I mean, why
would anyone want such a thing?”

Anu:  “Please-- you are talking about my ancestors.”

H:  “My apologies.”

Anu:  “He’s much more powerful as a mummy than he ever was as a
Pharaoh.  If his crypt is opened-- the world is in danger-- for
the mummy will grow hungry.”

H:  “Hungry-- in-in-- in what way?”

Anu:  “It hungers for human life.  If it kills, it’s-- victim’s
life-force will give it-- unspeakable power.  Then the only thing
that can control it is the ankh.”

H:  “The ankh?”

Anu:  “A special pendant made of gold-- exactly the kind of thing
whoever has the mummy is likely to sell.”

H:  “Oh.”

Anu:  “Please, Hercules, you must find the mummy-- for the good
of the world-- if nothing else.”

H:  “Right, uh-- the good-- of the world.  I better-- go find my
mommy-- uh, I mean-- _your_-- mummy.”

Woman:  “Oh!”

H:  “Uh-- excuse me.”

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Sokar [Sok]:  “Ah-- what refined bone structure-- such noble
features.  Look at that strong chin-- those commanding eyes.  I
take it he was someone of importance.”

Del Man:  “King Cecrops.  It’s-- _was_ King Cecrops.”

Sok:  “Ah-- that explains it.  A king always recognizes a king
when he sees one.”

Del Man:  “You?!  You’re a king?”

Sok:  “Soon!  So-- you know where the mummy is.”

Del Man:  “It’s in the house of horrors.”

Sok:  “The house of-- he’s lying.  Kill him.”

Del Man:  “No!  I swear by the gods!  I saw the mummy when I made
a delivery there.  It was-- wrapped in bandages, and it tried to
grab me.”

Sok:  “It is gaining strength-- but it has not yet killed.  This
is good.  What of the golden ankh?”

Del Man: “The ankh?”

Sok:  “Don’t play dumb.  You must have seen it.  Here-- looks
like this.”

Del Man:  “Yes!  The curator was wearing it!”

Sok:  “Not for long-- and once I have the mummy-- and the ankh--
I’ll finally be Pharaoh, and Anuket, my bride.  Unfortunately--
you know more than you should.”

Del Man:  “Me?  I won’t say anything.”

Sok:  “Bring me some wax.  I want to make a contribution to the
arts.”

Del Man:  “Nooo!  Noooo!  No!  No!  No!”

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Sal:  “You think this is too gaudy for this outfit?  Nah, you’re
right.  Ya never can wear too much gold, huh?  Huh.  Wait a
second!  Be right there-- hold it!  Wait a second!  Wait a
second!  Whoa!”

Man:  “I have another delivery for you.  Where do you want him?”

Sal:  “Very realistic-- bring it in before it melts!  Come on!
Bring it on in!  Thank you!  Bring it on i-- nice horns-- love
those horns.  Bring it in there, yeah.  Wait a second.  Wait a
second.  Wait-- the workmanship is terrific, but, uh-- I didn’t
order this.”

Man:  “It’s a donation-- from a patron of the arts.”

Sal:  “It’s free?  Love those patrons.  Huh.  This guy looks
familiar.  Ah, it’ll scare the tunics off ‘em.  Bring him in.
Bring him in.”

Man:  “Come on.”

Sal:  “Go ahead-- over to the left.  Thank you.  Yes, indeedy,
they will _faint_ with pleasure.  Right there is good; right
there is good.  Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey-- grand opening is
tonight-- tell your friends.  Thank you.  Thank you.”

Man:  “All right.”

A Man’s Voice:  “Excellent-- I’ll tell him.”

Sal:  “Ha-ha-ha-ha.  Ohhh-- you guys look terrific.  Your mothers
will be proud.  You’re being immortalized like this, huh?
Ha-ha.”

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Sokar’s Men:  “You promised two dinars.”  “All right.”

H:  “Hi-- need a hand?  Ahhh, just-- trying to help.  I mean,
we’re-- all on the same side.  Aren’t we?  Apparently not.”

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[ACT II]

H:  “Can we talk about this?  I see.”

Masked Man:  “Ooops!  Wrong party!”

H:  “Good timing.”

[Fight]

H:  “Goin’ up.”

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Sal:  “‘Hey, Sal-- how are you?’  ‘I’m fine.’  ‘Oh, I’m a little
long in the tooth.  Huh-huh-huh-huh-huh!’”

Sokar’s Men’s Voices:  [Yell]

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Sal:  “What are they hangin’ around for?  Hercules!”

H:  “Salmoneus?”

Sal:  “Excuse me.  Coming through.  Coming through.  Sorry!
Sorry, sorry.” 

H:  “What are you doing here?”

Sal:  “Haven’t you heard?”

H:  “No?”

Sal:  “Everybody’s talking about it!  Tonight’s the grand
opening.  But since you’re a friend, I’ll give ya a special
preview.”

H:  “Of what?”

Sal:  “Salmoneus’ house of horrors.  [Laughs]  It’s the greatest
collection of monsters, maniacs, and murderers of all time.”

H:  “And people-- pay to see that.” 

Sal:  “Are you kidding?  People love to be scared to death!  They
pay big dinars for thrills and chills!  I prefer a good romantic
comedy, but, uh, hey-- they demand--  I supply.  And with the
endorsement of [makes fanfare sound]-- Hercules!  Gotta be a
hit!”

H:  “Ah-- thanks, but, I’ve-- seen enough fiends for one day?”

Sal:  “Hmm.”

H:  “Now, if you excuse me, I have a-- spoiled princess to meet
who, needs to learn some manners.”

Sal:  “Spoiled princess-- does she have a sister?”

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Sok:  “Hercules!  Hercules is here.”

Sok’s Slave:  “It is said he is half-god.”

Sok:  “I know.”

Sok’s Slave:  “It’ll be difficult to get the mummy if he guards
his friend’s door.”

Sok:  “How powerful would the mummy be-- if its thirst for blood
was joined with the strength of Hercules?”

Sok’s Slave:  “It would be unstoppable.”

Sok:  “Then we must make it so.”

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H:  “Stay.  What is it with you, Anuket?”

Anu:  “How dare you speak to a princess so rudely?”

H:  “Will you tell your men-- to back off.  I’m spending more
time, fighting them, than searching for this-- mummy.”

Anu:  “But I ordered my slaves to stay out of your way.”

H:  “Well, maybe your slaves have minds of their own.”

Anu:  “They must not have been Egyptians.”

H:  “Same hair, same clothes-- maybe-- not as well-dresses as
usual, but-- ”

Anu:  “My slaves are always perfectly dressed.  I allow no
[Softer]-- I allow no rags.  How could it be?  It must.”

H:  “What?”

Anu:  “Sokar is here.”

H:  “Sokar.”

Anu:  “He was my father’s high priest-- an evil man who-- asked
for my hand in marriage, but my father refused.  So Sokar vowed
vengeance.  If he finds the mummy first-- we will all be doomed.”

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Sok:  “So there’s Hercules.  No doubt, his head is filled with
dreams.  But he will not have Anuket for long-- and he will not
deny me the throne of Egypt.  Bring me that mummy-- now.”

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Sal:  “You know, boys?  Today, ya see me suave-- debonair--
self-confident.  I wasn’t always like this!  Oh, no!  I had
doubts!  Yes, me-- I had doubts that this was a good idea.  But,
now that I see you here-- I gotta tell ya-- ya look fabulous.
Hello?  You’re tricking me, right?  [Chuckles]  I think I should
learn-- never to doubt my own sense of w-- .  [Screams]  Ahhh!
Ahh!  What do I do?!  Wh-- where?!  Yeah!  Yeah!”

Sok’s Slaves:  “The mummy’s in here!  “There it is!”

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Sal:  “Uh!  [Laughs, then moans]  [Mummy’s Voice]  What a relief!
I’ve been waiting for _centuries_ for someone to do that!  Thank
ye!  Now-- if ya don’t mind-- I’ll see ya latuh [sic]!  [Normal
Voice]  Or, I could see ya right now.  Hey!”

Sok’s Slave:  “It looked like a mummy.”

Sok:  “A dummy-- more like it.  Only a pharaoh-- may wear this.”

Sal:  “Ow!  Then you’re a pharaoh, huh?”

Sok:  “I will be-- soon enough.  And you are-- the curator of--
?”

Sal:  “Salmoneus’ famous house of horrors [Starts to laugh].  We
offer two-for-one group discounts-- and bargain matinees.”

Sok:  “Silence!  You have something I want.”
  
Sal:  “Wonderful!  Maybe could work out a deal.  Uh-- that head
of King Cecrops, for instance-- is a _wonderfully_ gruesome item.
Now-- I’ve got an extra Harpie back in the shop.”

Sok:  “You know of King Cecrops?”

Sal:  “Oh, yes-- I remember when my good friend-- Hercules!
Hm-mm-mm-mm-- brought about his untimely demise!”

Sok:  “Well, you mean-- Hercules killed him.”

Sal:  “Well, technically, Cecrops-- tripped over the cliff, but
he blamed Hercules for his downfall-- and vowed to exact
revenge-- even from beyond the grave.  [Whistles]  Evil, huh?
And perfect for my exhibit.”

Sok:  “You-- will bring me the mummy.”

Sal:  “I-I’m sorry.  The mummy is worth a lot more than the bust
of Cecrops.”

Sok:  “Is it worth your life?”

Sal:  “Good question.  But we have a _tiny_ problem, here,
sort-of-Pharaohship.  Uh-uh, th-th-the-the _mummy_ is, um-- how
can I put this?  Alive.  And I’m reluctant to-- ”

Sok:  “You will bring it to me-- or die.”

Sal:  “If you put it that way-- ”

Sok:  “Take him away.”

Sal:  “Nice to meetcha, Mr. Almost-Pharoh!”

Sok’s Slave:  “But, Sokar-- if you let him go-- might he bring
Hercules?”

Sok:  “That’s what I’m counting on.  Now, come with me.  We must
work-- quickly.”

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Men’s Voices:  “Everybody dance!”  “Come on!  

H:  “I think we’re just about out of hiding places.”

Anu:  “But my sources say the mummy is definitely here in Attica.
And if Sokar has come, my sources _must_ be accurate.”

H:  “Right on the money, I’d say.  Stay here.  Stay out of
sight.”

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H:  “Don’t you do anything you’re told?”

Anu:  “You don’t-- why should I?”

Cat:  [Screeches]

Anu:  [Screams]

H:  “I guess it’s too late to ask you to be quiet.”

Anu:  “You’re not funny.  Now, where are we?”

H:  “This was King Cecrops’ favorite retreat.  It’s his-- war
room.  Look out!”

Anu [Screams]:  “You saved my life.”

H:  “I hope I did it well enough to meet with your approval.”

Anu:  “May we go now?”

H:  “You’re the one who’s on top.”

Anu:  “Uh!”

Cecrops’ Ghost:  “Her-- cules!”

H:  “You-- said we were looking for a mummy.  You didn’t-- say
anything about a ghost.”

Anu:  “A ghost?”

Cecrops’ Ghost:  “_I_ will have-- _my_ revenge!”

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[ACT III]

Cecrops’ Ghost:  “I’m going to tear your heart out-- and feed
it-- to the vultures.”

H:  “It’s nice to see you again, too.  You don’t look too good,
Cecrops.”

Cecrops’ Ghost:  “I’m dead!”

H:  “That explains it.”

Anu:  “I think you look very-- well, for a dead person.  May we
go, please?”

H:  “Wait a minute.”

Cecrops’ Ghost:  “I’m gonna _drain_ the life from you-- drop--
by-- drop-- as you-- did-- to mine.”

H:  “But you-- fell off a cliff.”

Cecrops’ Ghost:  [Hemming and Hawing]

Anu:  “Don’t-- you’ll make it angry.”

H:  “I haven’t even started.”

Cecrops’ Ghost:  “_What_ are you doing?!  _Don’t_ do that!
Nooooo!”

H:  “That should keep me busy for another seven years.”

Anu:  “Where’s the ghost?”

H:  “There wasn’t one.  It was a-- simple magician’s trick, all
done with mirrors.”

Anu:  “Well, who was the magician?”

H and Anu:  “Sokar.”

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Sal:  “Mr. _Mu-u-u-mmy_-- are ya here?  Someone wants to me-e-t
youuuuu.  Oh!  [Sighs]  Thank the gods!  They must have taken
him.  Why don’t you hide-- and _I’ll_ seek!  Guess not!”

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Sal:  “Uh, Hercules!  My exhibit’s tryin’ to kill me!”

H:  “What are you talkin’ about?”

Sal:  “I’m talkin’ about a big, mean mummy!”

H:  “A m-- a mummy!  You have the mummy?!  Why didn’t you tell
me?!”

Sal:  “Showmanship!  It’s a surprise!  Besides-- he almost had me
a moment ago-- and if he doesn’t, that lunatic quasi-pharaoh
will!”

Anu:  “Quasi-phar-- ?!  Sokar?!  You are working for Sokar?!  I
will have you _killed_ for this treasonous thievery!”

Sal:  “I didn’t _steal_ it!  I paid a _fair_ price for it!  A
_low_ price, but I paid in full!”

Anu:  “You are a _liar_ as well!”

H:  “Salmoneus is maybe a lot of things, but he’s not a thief,
and he’s usually-- not a liar.”

Anu:  “You defend him?”

Sal:  “You betcha he does!”

H:  “_If_ he brings me to the mummy.”

Sal:  “I could do that.  In fact, I could tell you _just_ where
it is, while _I_ wait over here.”

H:  “Show me.”

Sal:  “Right this way!”

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H:  “It’s not here.”

Sal:  “Whoo!”

Anu:  “Sokar has the ankh.”

Sal:  “Ankh?”

Anu:  “If the mummy consumes the life force of a human-- it’ll
become a monster-- and Sokar will have complete control.”

Sal:  “It’s not monster enough as it is?!”

Anu:  “Nothing compared to what it will be if it kills.”

H:  “Then we better find it.”
  
Sal:  “Whaddya mean, ‘We’?  Hey!”

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H:  “It didn’t even knock.  Let’s go.”

Sal:  [Screams]

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H:  “Stay here.  So, you wanna play hide-and-seek.”

Sal:  “No, he hates that game.”

H:  “This is one, fast mummy.”

Sal:  “What happened to the foot-dragging classic we all know and
love?”

H:  “Where’s Anuket?

Sal:  “Huh?”

H [Sighs]:  “Great.”

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Anu:  “Hercules?  Hercules!”  [Screams]  [Sighs]  [Screams]

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H:  “Anuket!  Anuket!”

Sal:  “Maybe she’s off, flogging her slaves.”

H:  “She was right behind us.  You take the left.  I’ll go up
here, all right?  Salmoneus?  Salmoneus.  Anuket?  [Scream in the
distance]  Where is everybody?”

Sal [Hi-pitched]:  “Help me!”

[Fight]

H:  “Yuck.  Whoa!”

Sal:  “Hercules!  Watch out!”

H:  “So much for your friend.”

Sal:  “We never really connected on an emotional level.  He was
always kind of a stiff.”

H:  “Yeah, I know what you mean.  Come on-- let’s find Anuket”

Sal:  “Yeah.”

Anu’s Voice [Screams]:  “Help!”

H:  “She’s in the pit.”

Sal:  “Uck!  That’s terrible!  Ahh!  Ahh!  Ahh!  Ahh!  Ahh!
Ahh!”

H [Interrupts]:  “Who-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-a!”

Sal:  “Sorry.”

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H:  “Thanks, Salmoneus  Ohhhhhh.”

Mummy:  [Growls]

H:  “We have _got_ to stop meeting like this.”

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[ACT IV]

Anu:  “Hercules!”

H:  “I’m-- busy.”

Sok:  “Welcome, Hercules.  I trust you find your quarters quite
comfortable.”

H:  “Well, I was-- hoping for something with an ocean view-- and
it is a little cramped.”

Sok:  “Oh-- one of you will make room for the other.  I’m betting
on him.”

H:  “That’s a bad bet.”

Anu:  “Release both of us immediately, Sokar, or you will suffer
the consequences.”

Sok:  “The only thing I’ll suffer from is the weight of all the
gold [Flashes to Sal, here] your father’ll heap upon me-- when he
sees _I_ control-- the mummy.”  [Flashes to Sal, here]

Anu:  “Only a pharaoh may wear that.”

Sok:  “And I _will_ be a pharaoh-- as soon as that mummy tears
Hercules limb from limb.  And it will absorb his life force and
his strength.”

H:  “Don’t count on it.”

Sok:  “Oh, but I am.”

Anu:  “Let me _go_, Sokar.”

Sok:  “Certainly-- as soon as we’re married.”  [Laughs]

Anu:  “Let me go!”

H:  “Sokar!”

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Men’s Voices:  “Bring on the spirits!”  “Release them!”

Woman’s Voice:  “Dance till dawn!”

Man’s Voice:  “Hey there, my pretty!”

Sal:  “Hey, friend!  Try this on!  It’s scary, yet comfortable!
Don’t stand around-- fret and fume-- try one of my _new_
costumes!  Whoa!  That’s terrific!  But, put this on, and your
friends will throw up-- and, what’s more-- it’s free!  Ho-ho!  It
hurts me to say that.  What’s It to say that.  Friend!  Here we
go!  Try this on!”

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[Fight]

H:  “_Don’t_ you know anything else?!  That’s better.  Whoa!
Ouch.  Shoot.  Ahhhh!  Don’t go anywhere.”

Sal:  “Hercules!  Don’t worry!  I’m here!”

H:  “Lucky me.  Come on!  Let’s go find Anuket!”

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Woman’s Voice:  “-- I’m a ghost!”

Man’s Voice:  “Let them come to us if they dare!”

Sok:  “Walk like an Egyptian!”

Anu:  [Startles]

Sok:  “Huh?  Where did all these mummies come from?  Huh?  What
is _happening_ here?”

H:  “I would say you were outnumbered.  Now, let her go.”

Anu:  “Hercules!”

Sal:  “Pretty realistic, don’t ya think?”

H:  “_Too_ realistic.”  

[Fight]

H:  “Please.”

Anu:  “You are a great warrior, Hercules.  I only wish Egypt
could claim you.”

H:  “As a slave?”

Sal:  “Ya know?  There’s a world of potential in these mummy
costumes.  Somebody’s always tryin’ to dress up like somebody
else, huh?  Boy!  Do I do good work, or what, huh?!”

H:  “Salmoneus?  Uh, that’s no costume.”

Sal:  “Nice mummy.”

H:  “It’s not gonna be nice, until it’s back in its crypt.”

[Fight]

Anu:  “Wait!  The ankh!  It must not work until the mummy has
consumed a human’s life force!”

H:  “Now you tell me.”

Sal:  “You OK?”

H:  “No!  Anuket, behind you!”

Sok:  “If I can’t have Anuket-- nobody will.”

Anu:  “No!”

Sok:  “Ha-ha-ha!”

Anu:  “No.”

Sal:  “Uh, Sokar-- ya might want to-- ”

Sok [Screaming]:  “Nooooooooooooo!”

Sal:  “Oh, that’s disgusting.  Wow!  This puts my house of
horrors to shame!”

H:  “Hey!  Rag man!”

Sal:  “Ahhhhhhhh!”

Mummy:  [Screams]

H:  “Ooh.”

Keb:  “Princess-- please-- ”

Anu:  “Anything, Keb.  Ask anything.”

Keb:  “I only wish to die-- a free man.”

Anu:  “You were right, Hercules.  But now it’s too late.”

H:  “It’s never too late.”

Anu:  “You are a slave-- no more, Keb.  And I will return to
Egypt-- and work to make sure-- that everyone like you-- is
freed.”

-----------------------------------------------------------------
-------------------------------

H:  “Will you be returning to Egypt right away?”

Anu:  “Yes, I have much work to do, there.  I hope, some day,
you’ll visit my country.”

H:  “I would like that very much.”

Anu:  “This-- is for you.”

H:  “I thought only-- pharaohs were allowed to wear this.”

Anu:  “You’re close enough.”

H:  “Thanks.  But-- I can’t accept it.”

Anu:  “Then-- will you accept-- this?”

Sal:  “You know anybody who’s in the market for some cheap
thrills?”

H:  “Uh-- looks like you’re giving up on the house of horrors.”

Sal:  “Yeah, looks like-- especially after that excitement last
night.  But I have all this wax left over-- about a ton of it.
What do I _do_ with it?!  I’m thinking-- crayons-- wax candles--
chariot wheels-- wax-- ”

H [Interrupting]:  “You could always donate it to a good cause.”

Sal:  “Donate it?”

H:  “It’s-- just a thought.  Oh, hey-- you’d be a hero.”

Sal:  “Wait a second.  Wait a second!  Wait a second!  Hero?!
Wax!  Hero?!  Wax!  Her-- ?!  Wax heroes!  A house of wax heroes!
No, no, no, no!  Think about it!  Think of it-- celebrities--
politicians-- gods!  Sports figures!  Hercules!  You would look
terrific in wax!  Whaddya think?!  Huh?!”

H:  “Eh-- walk me to the front gate.”

Sal:  “Huh?!  No, really!  Think of it!  Little dolls-- in action
poses!  That could work.”

H:  “Goodbye, Salmoneus.”

Sal [Interrupting]:  “Wait a second!  Let me talk about this with
ya, huh?!”

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-------------------------------

Men’s Voices:  “This thing weighs a ton.”  “Now, at least it’s
harmless.”




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