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"My Fair Cupcake" Episode 418/77 [TEASER] 1st Man: "What's this?!" 2nd Man: "Whoa!" 3rd Man: "Hold your horses!" Autolycus's [Auto's] Voice: "Help! Help! Let me out, please! I can't breathe! Oh, for the love of mercy! Somebody, get me out of here! Oh! Oh! Oh, that's better." Man: "What?" Auto: "Yodel-ay-he-hoo!" Man: [Screams] [Fight] ----------------------------------------------------------------- ----------- -------------------- Auto: "The old Delphi Carnival trick works every time. Oh, ho, ho. And, oh-- those carny women-- heh-heh. Let's see, here-- gowns, shoes-- uh, a couple a' lousy dinars on the black market. Not much profit in here. Royal ball-- Antioch? Ho-ho-ho-ho-- now _this_ is priceless." ----------------------------------------------------------------- ----------- -------------------- Cupcake's Voice [Singing]: "Don't mean to be indelicate, But I don't want your etiquette." Man's Voice: "All right!" Cupcake [singing]: "If you think-- " Man's Voice: "Lookin' good!" Cupcake [singing]: "-- I'm just too crass. Then you can kiss my sassafras! "Yeah! Let's have a ball, tonight. Doing wrong can feel so right. Take my advice, and you'll be free! Come on, have a ball with me! Come on, have a ball with me. Come on, have a ball with me. [Speaking] "Thank you! Thank you!" ----------------------------------------------------------------- ----------- -------------------- Cupcake: "I warmed 'em up for you." Woman: "Thanks, Cupcake. Tough act to follow." Cupcake: "Autolycus." Auto: "Hello, Cupcake. You don't seem very thrilled to see me." Cupcake: "Well, it's-- just that I didn't expect to ever see you again." Auto: "I know. The truth is, I felt pretty bad about what happened between us-- and ever since that time, I've been looking for a way to make it up to you. And guess what? I've got a proposal for you." Cupcake: "You do?!" Auto: "How would you like to be a princess?" Cupcake: "A princess? Uh, what's the catch?" Auto: "No, not what's the catch-- who's the catch? And he's the prince of Antioch." Cupcake: "Oh, yeah, like that'll happen. And I thought you came here because you cared about me." Auto: "I did-- and I do. You see, the prince can't become a king without a queen. Hmm, so what do you do? You throw a royal ball and you invite all the beautiful princesses from around the land, and you, my sweet-- are going. I might just-- tag along." Cupcake: "'The prince of Antioch.' Oh, hey-- he's the guy who owns that famous sapphire." Auto: "Really? Say, where's the romance? Is that all you can think of? A man's jewels?" Cupcake: "Hey! This says, 'Princesses only.' And I'm not a princess." Auto: "Not yet." ----------------------------------------------------------------- ----------- -------------------- King Jorgas [K Jorgas]: "The prince of Antioch is a monster!" H: "Now, calm down. No man loved peace more than King Stephan." I: "Why would the son turn so unlike the father?" K Jorgas: "Ambition, power, greed-- take your pick. Two of my villages have been burned to the ground." I: "That's-- pretty convincing." K Jorgas: "I'll see him in Tartarus before he takes my kingdom. That's why I asked you here." H: "Sorry, King Jorgas. I won't help you start a war. But give us the chance to prevent one." K Jorgas: "You're too late. The village of Perthia, on the border-- do you know it?" I: "Yeah, that's-- half Carpathian and half Antioch-- peacefully coexisting with each other." K Jorgas: "Uh, not anymore. The town is set to erupt. Prepare for battle!" Soldier: "Yes, sire!" ----------------------------------------------------------------- ----------- -------------------- [ACT I] K Jorgas: "We'll divide our forces at Perthia-- one in the north, one in the south." H: "Don't you realize that hundreds of your people will die?" I: "Maybe thousands. Is that what you want?" H: "Look, you asked for my help. All I need is two days to sort this out. Well, come on-- you owe your people that much." K Jorgas: "All right, Hercules-- but how will you save Perthia?" ----------------------------------------------------------------- ----------- -------------------- Cupcake: "No! No! A thousand times, no!" Auto: "Now, that's only three-- unless my abacus is off." Cupcake: "Uh!" Auto: "Oh, uh-- did I mention? You get your own-- castle? With beautiful-- twin turrets? Ooh. Woo. Say, what's with all the scrolls?" Cupcake: "Aw, Jeez! I'm studyin'-- preparin' for the future-- 'cause a dancer's life is short!" Auto: "Exactly. You know? You gotta get a second career. Otherwise, you're gonna wind up in the old showfolks' home with the Minotaur man, the bearded lady, and the human prune." Cupcake: "Hey, but why are you doing this?" Auto: "Well, gee, Cupcake, I-- just wanna see you happy. And how much happier can you be than living the life of a princess, huh? Yes, that's my reward in all this-- that and a-- certain sapphire." Cupcake: "But, it's deception." Auto: "Oh, I don't know about that. Think of it as playing another part-- your greatest challenge ever." Cupcake: "Oh, but-- princesses have-- tutors and-- private schooling, and-- silk underwear." Auto: "Oh, Cupcake, you don't have to _be_ intelligent-- just _act_ it. And I'll work on the underwear." ----------------------------------------------------------------- ----------- -------------------- Flectus: "What do you think _you're_ doing?! This is an _Antioch_ well! Go drink from that horse trough, Carpathian. There's no water for you or your kind, here!" Carpathian: "Fine-- but remember that bakery over there is a Carpathian bakery! There's no bread for you, here!" Flectus: "Bakery?" I: "Not a moment too soon." Flectus: "What bakery?!" Villager's Voice: "Fire, fire!" H: "Yeah, and maybe a moment too late." Villager's Voice: "Fire!" Flectus: "Go back to Carpathia! We don't want you here!" Carpathian: "We don't want your kind here, either!" [Fight] H: "Break it up! Break it up! Hey! Enough!" Villager: "Hey, Hey! Get him! Yeahhhhh! Yeahhhhh!" H: "Yeah. That's enough! Better. Now, who started this?!" Villagers: "He did!" ----------------------------------------------------------------- ----------- -------------------- Auto: "All right, um-- say it again." Cupcake: "Aw, gee-- do I have to?" Auto: "Don't hunch your shoulders like that. I want a nice, straight back-- head erect-- with a smile that says, 'I'm trapped overnight in a candy store.'" Cupcake: [Clears throat] "An angry Ares often errs irrevocabably-- irrevaculably-- irrecolulably? Oh, yeah-- like I'm ever gonna use _that_ in a conversation!" Auto: "It's just a drill. Don't jiggle." Cupcake: "Well, that, I can't help." Auto: "No, but I can." Cupcake: "Oh-- uh!" Auto: "I'm talking about these-- not those. Those can move at will." Cupcake: "Oh, that feels nice. Hey, but- hey, but don't get too used to it. If your plan works-- we won't see each other, anymore." Auto: "That's true, Cupcake. But sometimes, you've gotta lose something you treasure-- for a greater gain." Cupcake: "Oh, that's profound-- and so selfless." Auto: "I know. I barely have any self left." Cupcake: "Oh." ----------------------------------------------------------------- ----------- -------------------- Villager: "It's because you're not cut out of that man! What's your problem?! There's nothing to do with it! Come on, man!" H: "All right, all right! One at a time! Any luck?" I: "No-- we searched the whole town." Villager: "That's because the guy that started this doesn't come from here!" Carpathian: "Liar!" Villager: "You're a liar!" H: "Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Now, maybe he was just looking for a fight." I: "You mean, an agitator, sent to stir things up?" H: "Exactly. You people of Perthia-- have lived all of your lives in harmony. Your homes are right next to each oher-- and now you let the words of a stranger turn you into enemies!" Carpathian: "Well, what about our villages that the people from Antioch burned?" H: "I'm not so sure that they did. King Jorgas doesn't want to start a war. Give me your word-- that you'll keep a truce until I can find out what is what." I: "Come on, put your hands together." H: "Good. Now, you can all start repairing the bakery-- together. You go to Antioch and-- keep a lid on the prince until I get there." I: "What're you gonna do?" H: "I'm gonna find out who did this. Then I'll bring King Jorgas there, myself-- even if I have to carry him." I: "OK." ----------------------------------------------------------------- ----------- -------------------- Cupcake: "Oh, why can't I just be myself?" Auto: "Oh, you can Cupcake-- you should be, but-- not until you get married like every other woman. All right now, take a nice, deep breath" Cupcake: "Ooh! Geez, Louise!" Auto: "Sorry, I guess I'm better at-- unlacing." Cupcake: "Married?! Don't you rush me! I'd never marry someone I didn't love. I mean, what if he turns out to be a jerk?! I have known one or two." Auto: "Really? Well, you oughtta give this prince a chance, you know? He's young-- heir to a throne-- and possibly better-looking than me. Well-- that's a stretch." Cupcake: "I don't care. I have to follow my heart. Don't you ever do that?" Auto: "I-- better check on the-- carriage." ----------------------------------------------------------------- ----------- -------------------- Auto: "You know, just out of curiosity, what is with all the scrolls? We're going to a ball, not a seminar." Cupcake: "Well, gee! I wanna study up-- so I can discuss things with the prince." Auto: "Ha-ha-ha! Phooey! He's a man! Talk about him. All men think they're fascinating. In my case, it's justified." Cupcake: "Uh, but, uh-- " Auto: "I know. Why don't you just bat those baby blues, smile a lot, and don't say a word?!" Cupcake: "Ooh, that's it! Stop the coach! Stop! I want off!" Auto: "Whoa!" Cupcake: "Oh!" Auto: "That was a little obvious. You might not wanna throw yourself at the prince." Cupcake: "Oh! Don't you worry! I won't embarrass you-- because I'm _not_ going!" Auto: "Oh, ho-- wait, you can't quit! Not after all the work I've done!" Cupcake: "All the work _you've_ done?! I've put up with _crummy_ costumes, too-tight shoes, stupid vocal drills-- as if I need them. And now, you don't even want me to talk?! I hate you!" Auto: "Hey-- say that again." Cupcake: "I hate you?" Auto: "No, no, no, no-- like you wanna kill me." Cup: "I hate you!" Auto: "Good, once more." Cupcake: "I hate you!" Auto: "Hey!" Cupcake: "I hate you! I hate you!" Auto: "By Zeus, I think you've got it!" Cupcake: "Oh, really?!" Auto: "Driver-- an extra dinar if you get us there posthaste-- if not sooner. Now-- there's only one thing left." Cupcake: "Ohh." Auto: "Come up with a name. Argatha, princess of Egypt? Nah, nobody would ever come that far." ----------------------------------------------------------------- ----------- -------------------- Attendant: "Argatha, princess of Egypt, and Hippolyta, princess of Helos." Prince Alexandros [P Alex]: "Welcome to Antioch. Thank you for coming. I look forward to getting to know you." Yellow Princess: "The honor is mine." Vitron: "My Lord-- I just heard the news. The Carpathians have launched a full-scale war." Attendant: "Iolaus of Corinth." I: "Uh-- I've got a message from King Jorgas." P Alex: "Good-- I have a message for him, too." Vitron: "Jorgas pulled a sneak attack in Perthia." I: "No! No, no, no! He didn't! Uh-- Hercules and I were there this morning. There's a truce. And now, he's bringing the king to you, so he can negotiate with you." Vitron: "He'll come, all right-- with ten thousand men." P Alex: "If Hercules brings him to Antioch-- he brings him to his execution. This is my message: Death to all Carpathians." Attendant: "Hermia, princess of Carpathia." Vitron: "Seize her!" Auto/Escort: "Maybe we should've gone with 'Erin of Gaul.'" ----------------------------------------------------------------- ----------- -------------------- [ACT II] Auto/Escort: "Unhand the princess and myself! You risk the threat of war-- or at least a vicious trade embargo." P Alex: "And who-- are you?" Auto/Escort: "I'm Autolycus-- the king--'s advisor-- and protector of the princess." I: "Autolycus-- I know exactly who this man is! King Jorgas would never have let him come here with his daughter-- unless his intentions were truly peaceful." Vitron: "It's a trick." I: "How? You have the princess at your mercy. She's-- she's an olive branch extended to prevent a-- a terrible catastrophe." Auto/Escort: "Ah, look, if we've come at a bad time, I-- " Vitron: "My Lord, don't be fooled Throw them both in jail. We must attack, now!" P Alex: "No-- we wait for Hercules." Vitron: "But, My Lord-- " P Alex: "I've made my decision. Welcome, Hermia." ----------------------------------------------------------------- ----------- -------------------- I: "Princess Hermia-- is a brunette!" Auto: "I knew that was a dye job!" I: "That is not her. Who is she?" Auto: "Uh-- Erin of Gaul." I: "That is not a princess! And you're here-- to steal the sapphire of Antioch." Auto: "You mean it's here in the castle of Antioch?! Talk about your wild coincidences!" I: "Listen-- the only reason I covered for you was to _buy some time_-- and prevent a war." Auto: "Oh, so now you _need_ me. Well, let's start showing a _little_ more respect for the man who's preventing a war. I oughtta get a reward, like the, uh, sapphire of Antioch?" I: "Look! Your reward-- is that you're gonna be able to disappear when Hercules gets here-- with_out_-- the jewel! Huh?! And in the meantime-- keep your nose clean!" Auto: "Maybe you should stop lookin' up my nose! Heh! Of course, I guess you can't help it, huh? Heh-heh! Hah!" ----------------------------------------------------------------- ----------- -------------------- Woman's Voice: "Here, you go!" Man's Voice: "Before ya know it, it's gonna be as good as new!" [More Voices in background] Flectus: "Ah!" H: "Hello. I had a feeling you'd be back." Flectus: "Stopping me won't stop the war. It's bigger than me." H: "So am I. Now, who's paying you to do this." Flectus: "King Jorgas." H: "Then, let's go say hello to your boss." ----------------------------------------------------------------- ----------- -------------------- I: "Hi. Are you all right?" Cupcake/P Hermia: "Oh, yeah. Royal balls always make me nervous." I: "Yeah. Uh-- look-- I know you're not-- Princess Hermia." Cupcake: "Oh. Is it that obvious?" I: "Well-- " Cupcake: "Oh, gee-- Why did I let Autolycus talk me into this? I mean, even if he thinks he's doing me a favor, I-- " I: "Favor? Wait-- do you know why you're here?" Cupcake: "Well, sure-- so I can meet Prince Alexandros-- hmm." I: "Did, uh-- Autolycus ever mention his-- hobby? Um-- collecting things that aren't -- collectible?" Cupcake: "What are you trying to tell me?" I: "He-- is using you-- to get him here-- so he can-- steal something." Cupcake: "You're lying. He is not a thief." I: "He's the one that's lying." ----------------------------------------------------------------- ----------- -------------------- I: "I know this is gonna be difficult for you, but-- look-- I have to prove it. The sapphire's probably gone by now. So is he." Cupcake: "There it is." Auto: "Beautiful, isn't it?" Cupcake: "I told you he wasn't a thief." I: "Couldn't get past the security, huh?" Auto: "Iolaus, why would I want to? Come along, Dear. Let's practice our diction." I: "Why don't you tell her why you're really here?! And it's not so she can-- meet the prince." Auto: "Never underestimate great talent-- especially mine. I personally have groomed her for this role." Cupcake: "Ohh! If you're _gonna_ talk about me like I'm not here, I'll make it easier for you! Goodbye!" Auto: "Oh, Cupcake, I-- " I: "That's her name? Cupcake?" Auto: "Yes. She's something, isn't she? She's got fire, looks and a great set a'-- scrolls." ----------------------------------------------------------------- ----------- -------------------- Auto: "Have yourself a wonderful evening. I know I will." I: "Wha-- ?! Where is she?! The evening's half over." Auto: "Don't you worry about a thing. She'll be here. I've got it all figured out." I: "That's what I'm afraid of." Attendant's Voice: "Princess Hermia-- of Carpathia." Auto: "That's my cue." Woman's Voice: "She's absolutely radiant." I: "She's beautiful." Women's Voices: "She really glows!" "Beautiful!" I: "Hmm. What's wrong?" Auto: "Oh, uh-- nothing of any-- consequence." Man's Voice: "She moves so fluidly." Women's Voices: "There's something there." "She's a _lot_ like me." Man's Voice: "Vision of beauty." P Alex: "You look-- enchanting. If you'd come earlier, our two kingdoms wouldn't be preparing for war-- or looking for help from Ares." Cupcake/P Hermia: "An angry Ares often errs, irrevocably eradicating the erstwhile enemy." P Alex: "That's-- very interesting. So, music and geometry are connected!" Cupcake/P Hermia: "Yes, yes! See, and that's why I think Pythagoras is _really_ onto something with his theory." P Alex: "You're so different. Most women just wanna flatter me-- and I hate that." Cupcake/P Hermia: "Oh, how funny! Most _other_ men find themselves _fascinating_. And it's rarely justified. Hm-hmm." P Alex: "Speaking of fascinating-- tell me more about yourself." Woman's Voice: "-- asked me to wear such an large gown. I mean-- really-- !" I: "Excuse me? [Clears throat] Um-- is this yours? Uh-huh. You're welcome. Oh!" Black woman: "Now, I remember! My brother has a poster of the showgirls at the Panathenicon-- and _she_ looks _exactly_ like one of them. Oh, what was her name? Twinkie. Ding-dong. Ho- ho! Ah, something like that." I: "Well-- evening's almost over. Looks like we're home free." Auto: "Are you kidding? We were home free when she walked in." Cupcake/P Hermia: [Chuckles] Vitron: "My Lord-- you share a passion with Princess Hermia." P Alex: "Not yet-- but I'd like to." Vitron: "Euripides-- she played one of his classic roles. Remember?" I: "Yeah, um-- Electra! Her favorite!" Auto/Escort: "Uh, did I hear a rooster crow? The princess must be so tired." P Alex: "You must remember, 'Wouldst that the gods have made thee clean of soul.'" Cupcake/P Hermia: "'Helen and thou, oh face and form were fair. But sisters twain they were, a stain on Castor's star.'" P Alex: "That's one of my two favorite plays!" Cupcake/P Hermia: "Oh-- me too! And I love 'Lysistrata,' and what it has to say about war." P Alex: "That's the other one!" Cupcake/P Hermia: "Ah!" P Alex: "Would you care to dance?" P Hermia: "I would _love_ to." Attendant: "Ladies and gentlemen, please clear the floor for Prince Alexandros and Princess Hermia." I: "'A stain on Castor's star'?" Auto: "Wow." I: "I knew once we scratched that shallow, selfish, egotistical surface of yours, we'd find more of the same underneath. [Laughs] No, no, I'm just kidding. Good work." Auto: "Yeah, I'm a regular genius." Black woman: "Mmm." [Gasps] I: "Uh-oh." Woman's Voice: "Lovely!" Black woman: "Here, here." P Alex: "You're a terrific dancer." Cupcake/P Hermia: "Thank you. You know, I sing, too." P Alex: "Oh, really?" Cupcake/P Hermia: "Uh-huh." P Alex: "I'd love to hear you some time." Cupcake/P Hermia: "Oh? Well, how about now? Ah! They're playing my song!" I: "What's she doing?" Cupcake/P Hermia's Voice: [Laughs] Auto: "Oh, she's ruining our plans." ----------------------------------------------------------------- ----------- -------------------- [ACT III] Cupcake/P Hermia [Singing]: "A royal crowd has come to town. The Prince has brought them here. The girls are in their finest gowns-- A smile from ear to ear. "But, underneath these fancy clothes, There's always been a girl who knows. To keep from feeling sad and blue, And to herself she must be true. [Man's Voice: "Oh, wow!"] "Let's have a ball tonight! Come on, y'all! Don't be uptight. Forget the pomp and circumstance. Just let it all hang out and dance. "Don't mean to be indelicate, But I don't want your etiquette. If you think I'm just too crass, Then you can kiss my sassafras! "Yeah! Let's have a ball, tonight. Doing wrong can feel so right. Take my advice, and you'll be free! Come on, have a ball with me! Come on, have a ball with me. Come on, have a ball with me." [Chuckles] Auto/Escort: "Heh-heh. How about that, huh? Huh? Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha. Ha-ha." Black woman: "But wait! She's just a dance-hall singer! Oh-oh! I've never been so humiliated!" ----------------------------------------------------------------- ----------- -------------------- Auto: "I know 'Euripdes'. Oh, 'Euripides'-- that's my favorite play. Puh-lease!" I: "I don't get it. You had the perfect diversion. Why didn't you use it?" Auto: "That, my friend, is the million-dinar question." I: "Yeah? So, why didn't you grab the sapphire?" Auto: "Look, if I stole it, the jig would be up, and you're tryin' to prevent a war, aren't ya?" I: "Oh, you're being noble! Come on, who're ya tryin' to kid?!" Auto: "Only myself. Of course, I want that jewel! I should be halfway to Crete by now! How was I supposed to know that my _perfect_ plan would be turned upside down by a-- show girl?" I: "Ohhhhh-- so _that's_ what this is all about! Ha. Well-- call me crazy-- but-- I think you've fallen in love-- with your own creation." Auto: "OK-- you're crazy." I: [Chuckles] Auto: "And you-- are waaaaay off." I: "Oh, yeah." Auto: "OK? Look-- if she wants to waste her time with that handsome, wealthy-- honest prince-- well, that's just-- fine." I: "You know-- if you really want her, you're gonna have to come clean about your past." Auto: "Oh, how did I know you were gonna say that? How far back? Fall was slow. Is that far enough?" I: "Uh-uh. And-- you're gonna have to get a legitimate job." Auto: "As what?! The-the king a' locksmiths?!" I: "Hey, now, that's catchy!" Auto: "Well, you're tryin' to force me into this!" I: "Hey, listen-- this is bigger than you and Cupcake. So-- we wait here for Hercules, OK?" Auto: "OK." I: [Chuckles] "Whew!" [Chuckles] ----------------------------------------------------------------- ----------- -------------------- H: "Bring him in. Your Majesty-- this man claims that you hired him to start a war between Antioch and Carpathia." Flectus: "Yes. You personally sent me to stir up trouble in Perthia and two other towns." H: "And what if the king denies this?" Flectus: "Then the king lies!" H: "He's not the king." Flectus: "Huh?" H: "Hmm." K Jorgas: "Good plan, Hercules. Your punishment is death-- " H: "Unless, of course, you tell us who really-- put you up to this?" Flectus: "Uh!" H: "Sorry, I-- don't know my own strength." ----------------------------------------------------------------- ----------- -------------------- Darsus: "Sir-- there's no sign of Flectus." Vitron: "How can the prince die in battle, when there's no war with Carpathia?" Darsus: "And he seems genuinely interested in Princess Hermia." Vitron: "I know-- a marriage means peace. I want her kingdom, too, when I take over Antioch. So-- Darsus-- we need a reason to retaliate immediately. And I think I've got one." ----------------------------------------------------------------- ----------- -------------------- Auto: "Cuppy-- you know you want me. Ohhh. Cupcake-- I'm the guy for you." Cupcake: "Autolycus-- it's me." Auto: "Oh-ho-- Cupcake, uh-- come on in." Cupcake: "Oh! [Giggles] Thank you for last night! He's wonderful." Auto: "Oh, uh-- no problem. You know, it's-- just the two of us. You can-- use your normal voice." Cupcake: "I don't think I can, anymore. _You_ have changed me-- hmm. Thank you for that, too." Auto: "Um-- hmm. Let's-- talk about change." Cupcake: "Oh, I can't. The prince summoned me." Auto: "I wanna be honest with you." Cupcake: "Well, sure. And that's what I'm gonna be with Alexandros." Auto: "I'm a thief. As a matter of fact-- I am the king of thieves." Cupcake: "Oh. Then Iolaus was right. You lied to me-- again." Auto: "No, see-- that's my whole point. For the first time, I didn't steal anything." Cupcake: "The only reason I went through all this-- was so that I could spend time with you-- to see if what we-- almost had before could-- " Auto: "Well, that's perfect, see, 'cause-- here's what I wanna talk to you about. Um-- " Vitron: "Princess Hermia!" Auto: "Uh, yeah-- just a second. What I wanna ask you, Cupcake-- do you think, that there's a way-- ?" Vitron: "The prince is waiting." Cupcake/P Hermia: "Coming. We'll talk later." ----------------------------------------------------------------- ----------- -------------------- P Alex: [Clears throat] "Princess Hermia, hmm. [Sniff] I've become a different person since I met you." Cupcake/P Hermia: "Me, too. And that's why I have a confession to make. I-- " P Alex: "Shh. It'll have to wait." ----------------------------------------------------------------- ----------- -------------------- Auto: "Uh, Iolaus!" I: "Hey! How'd it go?!" Auto: "There's gonna be a fight!" I: "You mean, she took it that badly?!" Auto: "No, there's gonna be a fight!" Bad guy's Voice: "Get them!" [Fight] Auto: "Ooh!" Bad Guy: "Up there! To the prince's chambers!" Auto: "Oh! Not the face!" ----------------------------------------------------------------- ----------- -------------------- P Alex: "I've only known you-- for a short while, but-- i-it's enough for me." Cupcake/P Hermia: "Alexandros-- first, you have to know-- " Bad guy: "Open up! In the name of Carpathia!" P Alex: "You have betrayed me!" Cupcake/P Hermia: "No! Please believe me! I-I never! I-I couldn't!" ----------------------------------------------------------------- ----------- -------------------- [ACT IV] P Alex: "Where are the castle guards?!" Vitron: "Unfortunately, out on maneuvers-- my Lord. Why do you hesitate? Kill him. Kill them both! Now!" [Fight throughout] Auto: "Alley-oop! Hey-- rich boy!" I: "Woo-hoo! Hoo!" Cupcake/P Hermia: "Alexandros!" I: "Hey! Nice to see ya!" H: "It's good to be seen." Two thugs: "Ahhh!" H: "Not so fast, pal! Iolaus! Do you think you can handle the rest of them?!" I: "Yeah! Yeah, uh-- I got it!" Auto: "Ha-ha! How ya doin', your Highness?" P Alex: "It's only a graze. Thanks. You saved my life." Auto: "Yeah, well, you know, it's seven years' bad luck to have a-- dead prince fall on ya." H: "Oh, good-- you're done fighting." P Alex: "Vitron-- you're in some kind a' conspiracy with King Jorgas." K Jorgas: "That's not true." H: "The king came with me-- to assure you of his friendship." I: "Anyone you know?" P Alex: "Darsus! So it's true! You-- you sent your daughter to me in peace." Cupcake: "Uh-- " K Jorgas: "That's not my daughter." P Alex: "What? Who are you?" Cupcake: "Uh-- I'm nobody. I'm sorry. I don't belong here." [Runs off, crying] Auto: "Uh, listen, I think I can offer a complete, yet brief explanation. This is all my fault." ----------------------------------------------------------------- ----------- -------------------- P Alex: "Cupcake!" Cupcake: "I'm so ashamed. What's the penalty-- for impersonating a princess?" P Alex: "None. You don't ever have to pretend for me." Cupcake: "I don't?" P Alex: "No. I love you just as you are." Cupcake: "You do?" P Alex: "I do. Will you marry me?" ----------------------------------------------------------------- ----------- -------------------- Auto: "So, when's the date? Soon, I hope. You know, once you get into spring, all the good halls are booked." Cupcake: "Well, funny-- the first thing I wanted to do was-- to share it with you." Auto: "Well, I appreciate that. I-- guess it's not the sort of thing you wanna read in the, uh-- Antioch Enquirer, huh? Ha-ha. Congratulations." Cupcake: "Thank you. [Sighs] But it's just all happening so fast." Auto: "Well, last night-- he saw how beautiful you were-- how talented-- and no-- you don't have to act it-- how intelligent you are." Cupcake: "He sees all that?" Auto: "I saw it. I mean, he-- saw it-- too, of course. So, it's not hard to understand why he would want you-- bad is my guess. [Clears throat] It's a little dry in this castle, uh-- you might wanna do something about that when you're queen." Cupcake: "I've only felt this way-- once-- before." Auto: "That's funny-- the same here. It just didn't work out." Cupcake: "Well-- as somebody once told me-- the person for you is out there." Auto: "Sure-- all the best to you, Cupcake." Cupcake: "You know? I truly thought that _you'd_ be the one for me." Auto: "Yeah, I thought so, too. I love you, Cupcake. [Sighs] Aw." ----------------------------------------------------------------- ----------- -------------------- Auto: "Aw, I gotta tell ya, Hercules. This has been harder than stealing the Chronos Stone out of Quallus' ball." H: "I know." Auto: "Tougher than snatchin' the sandals off a'-- old Hermes' feet." I: "Well-- the girl that got away, huh?" Auto: "Two of 'em-- the princess _and_ the show girl." H: "Yeah, but thanks to you, there'll be a new alliance ensuring peace for their children." Auto: "Thanks to you, I'm going broke. See ya later, fellas." I: "Hey, hey, hey, wait-- aren't ya gonna stick around for the-- official announcement?" Auto: "Oh, no-- you haven't seen me cry. Believe me, it's not a pretty sight." I: "Ah-- you're-you're gonna be OK, aren't cha?" Auto: "Oh-- sure-- eventually. All I have left right now is-- one-- shiny memory." ----------------------------------------------------------------- ----------- -------------------- H: "One shiny, _blue_ memory." I: "Hey, Herc, Herc-- wait. You know-- things have gone so badly for him. Why not let him keep it for a while?" H: "Yeah-- you're right. OK, that's long enough." ----------------------------------------------------------------- ----------- --------------------Click here to return to the HTLJ MY FAIR CUPCAKE page.
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