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"Love, Amazon Style" Episode 105/602 [TEASER] H: "Iolaus, we have enough food." I: "No-- we have enough nuts and berries. Tonight, we're gonna have _man_ food-- rabbit stew." H: "Huh-- I think-- you've caught every rabbit in this forest. I'd be surprised if there's anything left." I: "Yeah. I am kind of-- public enemy number one to the rabbit community-- aren't I?" H: [Chuckles] Aphrodite [Aph] [Sighs]: "Hi, guys." H: "Eh-- hi-- Sis. Heh, you're lookin' kind of, uh-- " Aph: "-- bummed, I know. I've got a case of the total blahs, and-- somebody told me that bareback riding would lighten my aura." I: "Um-- Aphrodite, when they said `bareback'-- they meant-- the horse-- " Aph [Tsk]: "Duh! Why would I feel better if _he_ were naked?!" I: "Can't argue with that." H: "No. So-- what's wrong? You know, maybe we can help." Aph: "Aw, that's sweet, Bro, but-- I gotta fly this one solo. Later." I: "Nice girl." H: "Yeah, she _is_ interesting. I'm off." I: "OK. Where you going?" H: "I-I'm not gonna wait around here for you to catch a rabbit that doesn't exist. I'm going fishing." I: "Oh, ho-- yeah? Well, if I never see a fish again, that'll be too soon!" H: "Yeah, yeah." I [Interrupts]: "And, you wait! When you get back-- rabbit stew!" H: "Oh, I wouldn't count on it!" ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ Kayla [Kay]'s Voice: "Give us strength! [?] war!" Kay: "Artemis, goddess of the hunt-- protector of the Shimax Amazon tribe-- give us strength against our enemies-- independence-- from men! Keep us strong-- and free!" Amazons: [Cheer] Aph [Sighs]: "Whoa! Huh?! Uh-h-h! Grody! Uh! [Laughs] Uh-- time to lose the doom and gloom and find a happy place, hagsters. Rad idea, Secretarius!" Amazon's Voice: "Fight off the men!" Aph: "We'll give these girls a new attitude." Amazons' Voices: "What was that?" "Did you feel that?" Aph [Laughs]: "What can I say? It's a gift." [Squeals] ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ I: "You know-- I really would've caught something if you hadn't shown up." H: "Yeah, like-- giardia." I: "Hey-- what's going on?" H: "There's one way to find out." ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ Woman's Voice: "Make your bets! Make your bets! Lay your money down! There you go!" Man's Voice: "Yeah!" I: "Ha-ha, now _this_ is what I call a vacation." Woman's Voice: "Nope. Sorry-- you lose!" Amazon: "Here!" I: "Check out all these waitresses in Amazon costumes." H: "Hmm." An Amazon: "Fruit." Another Amazon: "Here. I hope you choke on it." H: "They're not costumes, Iolaus." I: "You mean-- they're real Amazons?! Get out of town!" Another Amazon: "Right-- which way should I go?" I: "No-no-no-no-no. I-I didn't-- " Another Amazon: "All right, already-- I'm out of here." I: "All I said was-- " H: "-- `get out of town.' That's _exactly_ what she was doing. This is weird." Amazon's Voice: "[?] Sorry, you lose!" H: "And _that_-- explains why." Deimos [Dei]: "Thank you." H and I: "Deimos." H: "Hello, Deimos. I'd like to speak with you." Dei: "Hmm-- I assure, you, Coz, these ladies are here of their own free will. Tell him, ladies!" [Laughs] Amazons [Monotone]: "We're here of our own free will." Dei: "Mm-m-m-m-m-m-- and there's nothing you can do about it!" [Laughs] ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ [ACT I] Dei [Laughs] : "Hey, uh-- easy on the neck. Uh, you-- you'll leave a mark. Uh-h!" I: "Come on, Deimos-- since when do Amazons take orders from men?" H: "Yeah-- start explaining." Dei: "OK-- so I ran into these 'Zons in the woods. And I'm like, `Oh-oh-- these babes could really tear me to shreds.' Bing! Then I realize, `Hey! I'm a god! What could they _possibly_ do to me?!'" H: "Would you get-- to the poit!?!" Dei: "So, I said, `Girls-- get over yourselves.' The next thing I know, they're-- playing leapfrog!" H: "And you have _no_ idea how this happened?" Dei: "None-- other than the fact that-- I saw Aphrodite leaving-- not really." [Laughs] H: "You don't-- get a whole lot of oxygen to the brain, do you?" Dei: "Oo-o-o-o-o-oh! Sticks and stones, Hercules! But, can you do-- this?! We could do the, uh-- or we could go-- ladies! Whoo-hoo! I wanna see some enthusiasm, people! [Laughs] Smile! Smile!" Men's Voices: "Yeah!" "All right!" Amazons: "Huh!" Men's Voices: "Yeah!" Dei: "Yeah! Showtime!" Amazons: "You lousy, no-good, son-of-a-- " "Weasel! I'll tear him a-- " "Pond scum, all of you. I'll rip `em apart limb by limb." I: "Is this a spell?" H: "Oh, it's _definitely_ a spell. Uh-- I'm gonna find Aphrodite. You stay here and keep the Amazons out of-- trouble." Men's Voices: "Hooray!" "Look at that!" [Cheer] ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ H: "All right, Sis! You put a spell on the Amazons, and I wanna know why!" Aph: "Uh-- take a chill pill, Bro. I didn't do it on purpose. I saw those hagsters doing their man-hating mantra, and I was like, `_Must_ these gals be so heinos?'" H: "So, you turned them into slaves?" Aph: "No! I was just tryin' to lighten the vibe! My powers have been all screwy, lately. Every time I try to zap something, it comes out all backwards." H: "All right. Come here and tell big brother what's wrong." Aph [Crying]: "Oh, Herc! It's Heph!" H: "You and Hephaestus had a fight?" Aph: "It's over. We're totally splitsville." H: "Yeah. Well, _that_ explains it." Aph: "It also explains my new digs-- dig? I thought some shopping might-- take the edge off." H: "Yeah. Look-- your-your powers are messed up because you miss him." Aph: "Me?! Miss that self-important windbag?! Uh! As if! I'm going back to the mall!" H: "Wai-- ! That should solve everything-- yeah. I am _not_-- in the mood for this." ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ I: "I could-- help. Um-- hey, um-- " Man's Voice: "Yeah!" I: "Hey. Uh-- I-I'll take that." Kay: "I've got it." I: "No-no-no-- I'm here to help, OK? So-- " Kay: "No. I-I-I-- " I: "Look, if you _just_-- let-- go-- ah-h-h-h! Oh-h-h-h." Kay [Sarcastically]: "Thanks a lot." I: "Sorry. Uh-- name is Iolaus-- and you are?" Kay: "Very busy. Now, leave me alone. Kayla-- now, leave me alone." I: "Kayla, Kayla. I'm here to help. Why don't you try not listening?" Kay: "No, I'm trying to do that right now." I: "OK-- what if I _order_ you-- not to obey Deimos?" Kay: "It won't work. Deimos has ordered us to ignore any command that contracicts his. If I were you, I'd leave now, because after the spell is lifted-- my Amazon sisters and I are gonna kill _everyone_ who sawr [sic] us like this." I: "Oh, please." Dei: "Ooh! Ooh! Someone's got a _crush_ on you!" I: "Deimos? Why can't you be more like your cousin?" Dei: "Strife-- he's dead." I: "Catch on quick, don'tcha?" Dei: "Oo-o-o-h-- scathing remark. Ooh! I'm hurt! Especially, uh-- since I had my eye on you. I could really use a go-getter like you to join my team. We're talking-- hefty salaries-- year-end bonuses-- and the perks-- oh-oh! The perks are so-- perky! Ladies-- take care of Iolaus." I: "No-- Deimos, oh-h! Uh, you don't have-- oh, oh, that's-- yeah. Oh-h-h. Lower. Oh-oh-oh-oh. Aw-w-- that's good. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Right. Ah-h. Ah-h. Hah-h-h-h-h-h. Hah-h-h-h-h. Ah-h-h-h. Ah-h-h-h. Ah. Hi, Herc. Huh. Ah-h-h-h-h. Herc? Huh! Herc. Deimos-- so, uh-- how'd it go with Aphrodite?" H: "She and Hephaestus, uh-- split up. It's affecting her powers, and these Amazons were at the wrong place at the wrong time. I'm gonna try to get them back together again-- hopefully, you know, break the spell." I: "S-so, I-I should just stay here, right?!" H: "Yeah-- right. Oh, a-and, Iolaus?" I: "Yeah?" H: "Behave." I: "Yeah-- right. [Sighs] Thanks." ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ Man's Voice: "-- over there!" Dei: "Ta-ta! My goody-two-shoes cousin." Varg: "Hey, Deimos-- aren't you worried that he's gonna mess up your plans?" Dei: "What, Hercules? Aw, don't make me chuckle! Once I get these Amazons to do what I want-- I'll squish him like a bug!" Varg: "You could _do_ that?" Dei: "Yes, my trusty, dimwitted companion. What we're after will make-- _all_ the gods tremble in fear. Zeus will bow down before me!" [Laughs] Varg: "What's so funny?" Dei: "Shut up and laugh." [Laughs] ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ H: "Hephaestus! Hey, Hephaestus!" Hephaestus [Heph]: "Hercules! Hey! It's been too long!" H: "It certainly has. So, how have you been?" Heph: "Great. Fine. Couldn't be happier." H: "You sure?" Heph: "Ye-ah! Hey! Let me show you my latest invention. I call it-- my automatic clothesline. Now, you put your wet laundry in-- close her up-- push this button-- " H: "It's very impressive! It works-- really well." Heph: "Lousy! Good-for-nothin' piece of tin! I'm sorry. It's just-- lately, I can't seem to do anything right. The slightest thing seems to send me into a murderous rage." H: "It's because you miss Aphrodite." Heph: "Ya had to mention _her_, didn't ya?!" H: "Now, why didn't I see that coming?" ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ [ACT II] H: "Now, think about what you're doing!" [Fight] H: "What are you thinking?! What is wrong with yo-o-o-o-u?! All right! That's it! Now, I'm mad!" Heph: "Let me go!" H: "Only if you promise to calm down." Heph: "OK-- I'm calm. [Moans] Look what I've done. I don't know what's wrong with me." H: "Huh-- isn't it obvious? You _miss_ her." Heph: "No way." H: "Please." Heph: "OK, sure-- maybe at first. But now I realize how great it is to be single again! Well, I can walk around all day naked-- belch whenever I want to-- eat with my hands." H: "Yeah, I can-- see your point. Living like a-- disgusting hog sure beats being with the woman you love." Heph: "Ya got _that_ right. Did Aphrodite mention me?" H: "She's not the same without you. Now, why don't you just come back and work things out with her?" Heph: "Aw, it's no use. I can't talk to her. She's bored with me. Face it, Herc-- the magic's gone. S-s-s-oh-h-h-- I just can't do anything right!" H: "Look. Look-- maybe the magic _is_ gone between you two. I don't know. But if there's even a chance that it's still there, don't you owe it to yourself to find out? Huh? I mean, come on-- " Heph: "I just don't know what to say to her." H: "I'll help." Heph: "How?" H: "We'll think of something." ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ Amazon's Voice: "No more bets! No more-- ." I: "Hi. I've-- been lookin' for you." Kay: "Oh? Need another girl for your harem?" I: "No-no, that was Deimos' idear [sic] of a job offer." Kay: "Ah-h-h, you work for Deimos now. Figures." I: "I said no to him." Kay: "Uh-- how noble. You want a medal?" I: "Look, not _all_ men are trying to hurt you, all right?! Some of us are-- are decent, caring people." Kay: "OK, you've made your point. You're not a pig. So, after this curse is lifted, and I cut off your head-- I'll feel real bad about it." I: "I'm sensing a little hostility here. Aw, Kayla, hey [Sighs]-- I know this is hard for you to understand, but I _care_ about you. And as long as I'm here, I'll-- I'll try and not let anything happen to you and your sisters. Where is everybody?" Kay: "Maybe the curse has been lifted." I: "Nah, that can't be the case-- you'd be playing marbles with my eyeballs right now." Kay: "True." ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ Dei: [Laughs] Varg: "No luck so far. Are you _sure_ one of these girls knows the secret?" Dei: "Patience, Varg-- ultimate power doesn't come easy. [Laughs] I've been thinking-- about my new title. Which do you prefer? `Deimos, the all-powerful' or `Deimos-- the omnipotent'?" [Laughs] Varg: "Yeah, great. Look, a couple of my men followed Hercules like you asked." Dei: "Mm-hmm." Varg: "It turns out, he went to see Hephaestus!" Dei: "Isn't _that_ interesting? If Hephaestus gets back with Aphrodite-- her powers come back, and then our spell on the Amazons will be history! All our dreams! All our plans! All ruined!" [Sobs] Varg: "You're right. Let's get out of here." Dei: "Yeah! Relax-- Dufus! A mere trifle for Deimos, god of gods, and a deity-- for all seasons." Varg: "Then, you've got a plan?" Dei: "Ding! You betcha!" [Laughs] Sela [Sighs]: "You sent for me, Deimos?" Dei: "Hm-m-m--m, yes, my succulent Sela. I have a little, um-- job for you." [Laughs] ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ Heph: "'Dite-- Honey Bunny-- where are you?" Aph: "Hephie? You have something you wanna say to me?" Heph: "Ah-h-h-h-- yeah-- baby-- ." H [Whispers]: "My heart is empty, my love-- " Heph: "My heart-- is empty, my love-- " H [Whispers]: "Because _you_, Aphrodite-- are the light of my life-- the fire in my soul-- my reason for living." Heph: "Hey, that's good." H [Whispers]: "Say it to _her_." Heph [Whispers]: "Oh, right-right, yeah. [Normal Voice] You-- are the fire of my life-- my sole reason for lighting-- " H: "Close enough." Heph: "That's close enough." Aph: "Excuse me?!" Heph [Whispers]: "Quick, we're losin' her." H [Whispers]: "Uh-- that's-- close enough-- because I-I-- fear your-- radiance might consume me." Heph: "Um-m-m-m-- huh-u-uh-uh-- I'm scared." Aph: "Oh-h-h, Hephie-- " Heph [Whispers]: "She bought it." Aph: "You don't have to be afraid of your little Honey Bunny. Come here, you big hunk of man." Sela: "Hephie, baby!" Heph: "What?! Who are you?!" Sela: "Very funny, Hephie baby. We've put things off long enough. Let's get hitched." Aph: "Uh! A mortal?! Could you, like-- stoop _any_ lower?!" Heph: "But-- she's nobody! I mean, I don't even _know_ her!" Aph: "Oh! So, you're cheating on me with some nobody you don't even _know_?! Have a nice life!" Sela: "Sorry." ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ I: "Hey-- what's going on?" Man's Voice: "I'll take one of those!" Amazon's Voice: "Take it easy, OK?" Kay: "I can't." I: "Uh-h-h-- Kayla-- " ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ I: "Kayla-- Kayla! Wait! How can I help you if you won't talk to me?" Kay: "I can't. We're forbidden to tell _anyone_, let alone a man." I: "Oh, wait! Look, I'm sorry. I'm sorry to do this to you, but it's the only way I can help you. Now, tell me what's going on!" Kay: "There's a stone. It gives mortals the powers of a god, and a god a power greater than Zeus." H: "Are you talking about the Cronos stone? But Hercules destroyed that years ago." Kay: "Yeah, but Artemis gave us Amazons its remnants-- to help protect us against the gods." I: "And this is what Deimos wants." Kay: "Yeah he's questioned nearly every Amazon in my tribe." I: "And you're the only one that knows where it is. So, when he questions you-- we gotta getcha outta here. Oh-h!" Dei: "Woo-hoo! Now-- did I hear something about-- a stone?" ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ [ACT III] Heph: "What's the use?! I mean, she's _never_ gonna forgive me now." H: "It wasn't your fault. Hephaestus-- why don't you just go back to the forge and wait? I'll find Aphrodite. I-- I promise." Heph: "Whatever." Aph: "Hey, Bro." H: "Wow. That was easy. Ah-- look, there's been a big misunderstanding. Hephaestus doesn't even know that woman." Aph: "I'm not talkin' about him. I came to see you 'cause Curly's in trouble." H: "Iolaus? What happened?" Aph: "Deimos went psycho on him-- like-- _that's_ a stretch-- ultimate power-- Cronos stone-- big Amazon secret-- yadda, yadda, yadda." H: "The Cronos stone. He must be reassembling the pieces. Why didn't you stop him?!" Aph: "Hel-- lo? My powers are totally zonked, remember?" H: "And you're the only one who can change that. You and Hephaestus have got to make up." Aph: "Uh-hah! I don't think so!" H: "Aphrodite-- do you _really_ think-- he would have an affair with a mortal woman? Huh? I mean, come on, this was a setup!" Aph: "Well, it did seem sort of unlike him." H: "Of course, it was unlike him! Now, go! Make up with him!" Aph: "You just want me to get my powers back in order to save the Amazons." H: "That would be nice, too, but you two belong together! Everybody knows that! Come on, please-- just go! Please. [Sighs] Why me?" ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ Varg: "Come on! Keep it moving." Dei: "Zing! Hoo-hoo-hoo! We're close-- aren't we?" Kay: "Yes-- you miserable little worm." Dei: "Mm-m-m, feisty. I like that. I'll snap you like a twig!" Kay: "When the spell is off-- you die." Dei [Screams mockingly]: "I'm petrified! [Normal Voice] We're behind schedule. Get to work." Kay: "Ah!" Dei: [Startles] Aph: "Back off, Deimie." Dei: "Uh-h-- Aphrodite. What a pleasant surprise. How are things with you and Hephie?" Aph: "Not good." Dei: "Well-- such a shame." Aph: "You're playing with fire, Deimie." Dei: "'Dite, 'Dite, 'Dite. You're a powerful goddess, but the times-- they are a-changin'." Aph: "Hello?! Do I have to spell it out for you? My powers may be on the fritz, but my brother Herc's are fine-- and if _you_ don't cut this out, he's gonna rearrange your face." Dei [Yawns]: "Goodness! What shall I do? [Chuckles] Here's an idea-- you and me-- sandy beaches-- frolicking in the surf-- au naturel." [Laughs] Aph: "Felling sleepy, Deimos? 'Cause you're already dreaming. I'd rather lick frogs." Dei: "Ribbit. Ribbit. Ribbit!" [Laughs] ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ I: "OK, guys, that's enough. Time to let me go. Save yourselves a lot of pain-- and suffering." Thug: "Is that right? And who's gonna cause this pain? You?" H: "No-- me." [Fight] Thug: "Ah-h-h-h-h-h-h-h!" I: "It took you long enough." H: "I don't have to letcha out, you know?" I: "Of course you do!" H [Sighs]: "Ah!" I: "Deimos is after-- " H: "-- the Cronos stone. I know." I: "Yeah, but only one Amazon-- " H: "-- knows where it's hidden, and he has her. Let's go." I: "Boy-- a mind like a steel-- uh-- " H's Voice: "-- trap!" I: "Yeah." ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ Dei: "OK-- I've narrowed it down to two. [Clears throat] `Deimos-- a god of immense power and stupendous wealth,' or `Deimos, the uncompromising, unyielding, ultimate deity, who, when given the proper incentives, can be a nice guy once ya get to know him!' [Laughs] Well? Hmm?" Kay: "I hate them both, and I hate you." Dei: "Oh, only because I'm destroying your life-- and the lives of _al-l-l-l-l_ your loved ones." Kay: "Even if you do find the Cronos stone, we'll find a way to stop you." Dei: "You?! Stop Deimos?! Hm-ha-ha-ha-ha! Ay-uh-uh-- `the great and powerful deity of unquestionable taste-- and unflinching fashion sense!' Hmm, yeah, right! Dig!" ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ Aph: "Hello? Hello!" Heph: "Aphrodite. I'm, uh-- I'm sorry the place is such a mess. Have _you_ come back to me?" Aph: "Yeah, well-- there's this thing about the Cronos stone, and-- Herc thinks we should get back together, so-- " Heph: "So?" Aph: "So-- go ahead and apologize." Heph: "Apologize?! Me?! For what?! _You're_ the one who left!" Aph: "Nah-uh! You _drove_ me out with all that banging, day and night!" Heph: "Well, ex-_cuse_ me for taking _my_ work seriously!" Aph: "Like I don't?!" Heph: "Well-- you _are_ the goddess of love. And right now, I'm not feeling very warm and fuzzy!" Aph: "All right! Fine! Forget making up! The real reason I came is 'cause Herc needs help fighting Deimos." Heph: "OK-- fine. I'm on my way." Aph: "Oh, no-- no, no! _I'm_ helping him. We don't need you." Heph: "Look-- he may be your brother-- but he's _my_ friend. And I'm not about to let him down because of you!" Aph: "OK. Fine, then we'll _both_ go." Heph: "Fine!" Aph: "Fine!" ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ I: "Hey, Herc, d'ya know what happened to Salmoneus?" H: "Yeah, he got sent to prison for tax fraud." I: "Really?" H: "Yeah. Aphrodite. Hephaestus! Hey, you guys made up!" Aph: "Not exactly. I tried-- but _somebody_ had to be stubborn." Heph: "Oh, pl-- tell your royal highness if she thinks that's makin' up, she's nuts!" I: "I don't think he thinks-- you gave it a fair shot." Aph: "Ha! Well, tell that overgrown excuse for a god that it wasn't _my_ fault we started fighting in the first place!" H: "She says it was your fault to begin with." Heph: "The Tartarus it was! Maybe if she took an interest in what I do!" I: "She's not interested in his work." Aph: "Maybe if he did something _else_ every once in a while-- " H: "He works too much." I: "Yeah, but Hercules-- it's a big job! He's gotta take it seriously." H: "That doesn't mean he should be neglecting his girlfriend." I: "Oh, please! If she wasn't so needy-- " H: "Well, if he wasn't so selfish-- !" Heph and Aph: "Hey! Stop fighting!" H: "You're right. This is getting us nowhere. Aphrodite-- you're the goddess-- of love. Act like it. It wouldn't-- _hurt_ you to take some interest in Hephaestus' work. And it wouldn't kill _you_ to have some _fun_ once in a while." Heph: "Oh, right! She's the most stubborn-- I mean-- I can never get a word in!" Aph [Interrupts]: "Like he knows what fun is!" Heph: "What are ya doin' wearin' heels?! They're not broken in [?]! Are you crazy?!" Aph: "These boots were made for walkin'!" [Gasps] Heph: "Hey! Those are mine!" H: "No kidding! Now you _have_ to work things out-- that is, if you ever wanna be free again. Come on, Iolaus. We have to stop Deimos before it's too late." I: "You know, Hephaestus has a point. You can't just break a schedule at the drop of a hat." H: "It takes two people to make a relationship, Iolaus." I's Voice: "Oh, here we go again." H's Voice: "I mean, come on, it's just give and take and give and take-- " ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ Amazon: "I think we've hit something!" Dei: "Ah! Is it the stone?!" Amazon's Voice: "No." An Amazon: "Deimos-- Hercules and his friend are coming." Dei: "My cousin has become a _big_ thorn in my side. It's time to get rid of that pesky do-gooder once and for all." Varg: "Shall I stall him, Deimos?" Dei: "No-o-o! I'll get the Amazon women to kill him-- or die trying." [Laughs] ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ Amazon: "Yah!" H: "This can't be good." ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ [ACT IV] I: "Hey, we're the good guys. Remember?" H: "They can't help themselves. Remember?" Kay: "He's right. Deimos wants you dead. We have no choice but to kill you." H: "That's not a good choice. Go easy, Iolaus." [Fight] I: "No hurting. You OK?! Sorry. Ah! Oh-h-h. Wo-o-o-o! Ho-o-o!" H: "Ugh!" I: "Kayla! Just-- fight it!" Kay: "I can't." I: "Ow! Rah-h-h! Sorry." H: "Ladies-- it's been a pleasure." I: "Ow! Ah!" H: "Sorry." I: "Hey-- I tried not to hurt them." H: "Good boy." I: "What do we do now?" H: "I've got an idea. Come on." I: "Ah-h-h! Ow!" ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ Heph: "Oh, great-- this is just what I've been wanting to do all week-- walk around handcuffed to you!" Aph: "Well, _you_ made 'em, smarty-pants! Wha'ja do with the key?" Heph: "Well, I might have been able to find the key if you hadn't 'a been such a messy hog! You're the only person I know who takes the garbage _in_!" Aph: "Well, what about you?! The bathroom's not a library, you know. You read in there for like-- days!" Heph: "Oh, I'm sorry, your Highness. I forgot how much quality time you like to spend with your mirror!" Aph [Gasps]: "Well, at least _I_ don't talk in my sleep! And you don't just talk-- you talk backwards! Do you have any idea how freaky that is?! What's the matter with you?!" Heph: "Oh-- please! Can't I just have just one moment of peace before I die?! Is that too much to ask?!" Aph: "You want silence? You got it, baby! I'm not talking to you for the rest of the day!" Heph: "Oh! Heavenly days! The fates are finally smiling upon me!" Heph and Aph: "And another thing-- !" ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ Dei: "Well, is it there? The anticipation is killing me-e-e-e!" Varg: "Found it!" Dei: "Hm-m-m-m-m! Yes! Yeah-h-h-h-h-h-h!" ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ Dei: "The Cronos stone. Ooh, I'm almost giddy! [Laughs] Yeah." ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ H: "That should slow 'em down. I'm going after Deimos. Think you can handle it here?" I: "Yeah, no problem." H: "All right." I: "Yeah. Herc-- hurry!" ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ Aph: "Why don't you just admit that you're wrong?!" Heph: "Because I'm not!" Aph: "Puh-leeze! You never pay any attention to me, anymore!" Heph: "Well, sure I do! But it's never enough! You're constantly, `Hephie, is _my_ hair perfect today?' And, `Hephie, does this outfit make me look fat?' You always look _beautiful!" Aph: "Well, what about you and your stupid forge?! You're always, `'Dite, check out my new invention.' And, `'Dite, look at my new hammer doohickey.' I mean, how many amazing things can you show me in a single day?!" ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ Dei: "I feel the power-- surging through me! Should I give it a trial run?" Varg: "Oh, sure, Deimos. What are you gonna destroy? A-- a rock? That tree?!" Dei: "Child's play. Ha-ha-ha-ha! I was thinking more like, uh-- a moving target. Ha-ha-ha-ha!" Varg: "But, Deimos-- I'm your partner!" Dei: "Uh-uh-uh--n-n-n-n-n! Correction-- you're my-- _silent_ partner!" [Laughs] H: "Looking for a challenge, Deimos?" Dei: "I guess. You wanna play ball?" H: "I'd say that was a little low and outside, Coz." Dei: "This one will be up-- Jerkules!" H: [Yells] Dei: [Yells] [Fight] Dei: "You're messing up my hair!" ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ [Fight] Kay: "I don't wanna kill you, Iolaus." I: "Thanks-- I think. Boy, you Amazons don't give up, do ya?!" ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ Dei: "Ah-h-h-h! My face! My face!" Heph: "You really think my inventions are amzing?" Aph: "You really think I look beautiful all the time?" Dei [Laughs]: "Bye-bye, Coz!" Aph: "Poopsie! Are you all right?!" Heph: "Yeah. Ooh. Oh-h-h-h, I think so." Aph: "Oh. If anything ever happened to you, I don't know what I'd _do_, Honey bear. I love you." Heph: "I love you, too, Honey bunny." ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ [Fight] Kay: "Something's happened. The spell's been broken." I: "Ah-h-h!" Amazon: "Revenge time, Kayla. Let's start with him." Kay: "Wait. Iolaus isn't our enemy. He's one of the few men we _can_ trust." I [Sighs]: "Thanks." ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ [Fight] Dei: "Yeah! Time to die-- Hercules. No! No-no-no! No!" H: "You were saying?" Dei: "W-wait-wait-wait-wait! Uh-- uh-- how 'bout, uh-- uh, this? `Deimos-- the repentant'? Or, `Deimos, the apologetic'? Or, uh-- `Deimos, the, uh-- truly, truly sorry'?" H: "How about, `The deity formerly known as-- Deimos'?" Kay: "There he is! Get him!" Dei: "A-a-a-ah! No-no, wait-wait! It's all a mistake! I was on your side the whole time. If ya have a complaint, lodge it with the management." Varg: "Heh." Kay: "Let's kill him!" H: "No, wait, wait, wait! You really want revenge? I've got a better idea." ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ Amazon's Voice: "Hey, Varg! More bread!" Varg: "Yes, Madam! Right away! I'm on it." I: "Well, looks like everything's back to normal." Kay: "Ah, not everything. I want to-- thank you-- for showing me that there are men in this world who deserve my trust." I: "Does that mean we're friends?" Kay: "Yeah, I guess so. Ah-h-h-h-- one-- step at a time, OK?" I: "Sure. Bye, Kayla." Kay: "Bye." Aph: "How could things have gotten so bad between us?" Heph: "It doesn't make sense, does it?" H: "Nope, and it never will. That-- is love." Heph: "Wow-- that was beautiful. You should write a book." H: "Thanks." Aph: "Yeah-- you do the love gig almost as good as _I_ do, Bro." Heph: "Uh-uh-- no one does the love gig as good as my little Honey bunny." Aph: "Mm-m-m-m-- poopsie!" H: "OK, I'll just, uh-- be over-- here-- you guys." I: "Hey, Herc." H: "Oh, hey, Iolaus. Hmm?" I: "Hey-ey-ey! Look at this-- lucky dinar. Watch this." H: "Aw, you don't wanna waste your money on that. That-- " I: "Herc-- I know what I'm doing. This is the lucky dinar, OK? Hi. Deal me in. OK, hit me!" H: "What, are you nuts?! The dealer's showin' a six. He's gonna bust." I: "Hercules-- I can _feel_ it in the cards. Come on. Hit me." Dealer: "Player busts. Better luck next time, sir." H: "How does it _feel_ to _lo-o-ose_?" I: "Ooh! Hey. Hey-- do you think Kayla and I will-- you know-- get together?" H: "Oh, I don't think there's a spell big enough for that, Iolaus." I: "Of course, there is. It's called, the old Iolaus charm." H: "Well, that's not a spell. That's a-- curse." ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
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