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HERC AND SEEK



“Herc and Seek”  Episode 04/104

[TEASER]

H:  “You’re sure you have enough food to feed all the cadets?”

Kora:  “You’re not going to get rowdy, are you?”

Ja:  “Us?  Rowdy?  Nah, we’re model citizens.”

I:  “And, uh-- we still get a group discount-- all right?”

Kora:  “Is Cheiron gonna be here?”

Boys:  “Yeah.”  “No.”  “Maybe.”

Lilith [Lil]:  “Uh-- we don’t know yet.”

Kora:  “Well, I’m gonna need at least one responsible adult
here.”

H:  “Uh-- just give us a second?”

Ja:  “Who do we got?”

I:  “Fiducius.  He’s the only one around.”

I:  “Come on.  He’s the world’s biggest party-pooper.”

Ja:  “Well, that automatically qualifies him as an adult.”

H:  “All right.  It’s settled, then.”

Lil:  “We’ll bring Fiducius.”

Kora:  “Fine-- you gonna be helping out, Curly?”

I:  “Oh, I’m gonna be-- ”

Ja:  “If he says yes, does that have any bearing on our deal?”

Kora:  “Well, I’ll need a larger security deposit.”

H:  “I’m telling you guys, this is gonna be a day that we will
never, ever forget.”

Neolun [Neo]:  “The boss is right.  This couldn’t be easier.
While the toy soldiers are here partying-- we’ll be at the
academy, stealing all the tuition money.”

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Boy’s Voice:  “Hey, guys.  How are ya?”

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Fiducius [Fid]:  “This seems like an awful lot for food.”

H:  “We made a deal for 36 dinars.  That’s good.”

Fid:  “37.  No, not 37-- where was I?  Um-- twe-twenty-- ”

All:  “24.”

Fid:  “I’ll have to start over.”

All:  [Moaning]

Fid:  “One.”

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Neo:  “OK, boss-- everyone’s in position.”

Cratus:  “Good.  Nobody moves until I give the signal.”

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Lil:  [Humming]

Fid:  “Ten.”

Ja:  “This is gonna take forever.”

Fid:  “Eleven.”

H:  “Lilith, listen-- can you go tell the others to start for
Kora’s?  We’ll meet ‘em there, all right?”

Lil:  “OK.”

Fid:  “Twelve.”

H:  “Thank you.  Iolaus-- just, uh-- ”

Fid [In background]:  “Thirteen.”

H:  “-- keep Fiducius counting, all right?  And whatever you do--
”

Fid [In background]:  “Fourteen.”

H:  “-- don’t let him start over, again.  OK?”

Fid [In background]:  “Fifteen.”

Ja:  “Let’s get the rest of the survival kits we hid in the
stables.”

Fid [In background]:  “Sixteen.”

H:  “All right.”

Fid:  “Seventeen.”

I:  “Eighteen-- eighteen.”

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Lil:  “OK, guys, listen up.  You go ahead to Kora’s.  We’ll see
ya there.”

Boy’s Voice:  “Let’s go!”

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Cratus [Clears throat]:  “Oh, we didn’t mean to startle you.
We’re looking for a friend of ours-- Iolaus?”

Lil:  “He’s inside.  I’ll get him for you.”

Cratus:  “Oh, no.  Oh, we’d much rather this were a surprise.”

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H:  “Whoa, whoa.”

Ja:  “Who are those guys?

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Fid:  “22.”

Cratus’ Voice:  “Hello?”

Fid:  “I better see who that is.”

I:  “Ah, no, no, no!  You keep counting.  22.”

Fid:  “Twenty-- three.”

I:  “Cratus.”

Cratus:  “Iolaus, old buddy.”

I:  “Hey, how you doin’?”

Cratus:  “Good.”

I:  “Keepin’ out of trouble?”

Cratus:  “Hmm-- of course.”

I:  “So, um-- so, what’re ya doin here?”

Cratus:  “Call it-- a reunion-- of the old gang.”

I:  “Huh?”

Lil:  “Iolaus-- what’s up with your friends?”

Cratus:  “Meletus-- saddle up their horses.”

Meletus:  “Yes, Cratus.”

Cratus:  “We’ll be leaving soon.”

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H:  “The Loax-- their the most dangerous gang of thieves around.
Iolaus used to run with them.”

Ja:  “Well, what are they doing here?  There’s nothin’ to steal
here.  There’s just-- ”

Ja and H:  “Tuition money.”

H:  “Of course.  Cheiron’s back at his village.  We’re supposed
to be at Kora’s with the cadets.”

Ja:  “They’re stealin’ our money.  Let’s take ‘em!”

H:  “Whoa, hold on a second.  Listen-- you’re forgetting, we
still got Lilith and Iolaus in there?  We push these guys too
far-- we don’t know what they’ll do.”

Ja:  “I’ll run after the cadets-- send one to get the
magtistrate-- and come back with the rest.”

H:  “All right.  Perfect.  I’ll stall ‘em.”

Ja:  “How’re you gonna do that?  You’re all alone.”

H:  “Yeah, well-- they don’t know that.  Listen-- good luck.”

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[ACT I]

Meletus:  “Ah, this medallion’s gotta be worth somethin’.”

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Cratus:  “Tie them up and gag ‘em.”

Lil:  “What?  What are you-- ?!”

I:  “Cratus, what are you doing?!  These are my friends!”

Cratus:  “Oh, what a shame.  I thought _we_ were your friends.
Tie up Iolaus, too.”

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H:  “Bye-bye.”

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Cratus:  “The horses!  You stay here with the money!  Bring him
with us!”

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Neo:  “Meletus!  What’re you doing?!”

Cratus:  “I got it covered.  By the time the magistrate gets
here, we’ll be long gone.”

I:  “Did you plan on them?”

Neo:  “Boss-- let’s get out of here.”

Cratus:  “Not without the money.  They’re just a bunch ‘a wannabe
warriors.  Inside!  Now!  Move it!”

Ja:  “Spread out!”

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Cratus:  “Post somebody at every opening!”

Neo:  “OK.”

Cratus:  “Move!”

Neo:  “Cover every opening!  Go!  Go!  Move!”

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I:  “Hey, uh, you do know that bunch of wannabe warriors is led
by Jason.  Jason, as in the crown-prince-of-Corinth-- Jason?”

Neo:  “Boss-- maybe we should talk this over.”

Cratus:  “No.  Jason-- can you hear me?  I got hostages in here.
If you don’t want any of them hurt-- you won’t do anything
foolish.”

Cadet:  “We should attack now, beofe they fortify their
positions.”

Ja:  “No-- we can’t afford to rush in.  All right!  We’re not
comin’ in!”

Cratus:  “No tricks.  Stay where we can see you.”

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Neo:  “This was supposed to be easy!  Hit the academy while the
students were at Kora’s-- !”

I:  “And now, you’re trapped in here.”

Cratus:  “Stay cool.  We just leave a little later than planned.”

Neo:  “Oh, and how’re we suppossed to do that?!”

Cratus:  “I’m workin’ on it.  OK-- post Guillen as a lookout.
He’s our best archer.  Take the girl to the dining hall.  Put the
old man in the dorm.  He-- stays with me.”

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Thieves:  “Get in there.”  “Get another gag.”  “Quiet.”

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Ja:  “What’d you see?”

Cadet:  “Just what you thought.  They’re moving the hostages to
different rooms.”

Ja:  “Ahh-- smart move.  Makes it impossible to rush ‘em.  We
wait.  Hurry up, Hercules.”

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I:  “What’s the matter?  Your plan falling apart?”

Neo:  “Why don’t you keep quiet?”

Cratus:  “How about you tell your buddies out there-- to let us
take the money and leave?  Oh that way, nobody gets hurt.”

I:  “Well, how about you just leave?”

Cratus:  “How about you help us?  Come on.  You must have snuck
out of this dump plenty ‘a times.”

I:  “Now-- why would I help you?”

Cratus:  “Remember Dorfus?”

I:  “Yeah, he beat me up for a whole week.  I remember him.”

Cratus:  “Till I showed ya how to keep him from pickin’ on you.
I was there for you when your old man wasn’t.”

I:  “Yeah, and I thank you for that.  So, why are you being a
jerk now?”

Cratus:  “Well, the way I see it-- I’m the reason they gave you
the choice between goin’ to jail and joining the academy.”

I:  “Ah, they couldn’t prove anything.”

Cratus [Interrupting]:  “That’s because I didn’t talk.  So I
figure-- you owe me.  We need a guide outta here.”

I:  “They are _not_ just gonna let you walk outta here.”

Cratus:  “We’re waiting until it’s dark-- and then we’re sneakin’
out.  And you’re leadin’ us.  I’m gonna check on the others.
Make him comfortable.”

I [Mouths]:  “Hercules?”

H [Whispers]:  “Hi.  Sh-sh-sh.  Sh-sh.  Listen.  Over there.”

I [Whispers]:  “I’ve got a point.”

H [Whispers]:  “No-- there.”

I:  “I gotta p-- ?  You gotta point?”

Neo:  “Huh?”

I:  “Uh-- you’ve got a point.  You know, you gotta leave when
it’s-- dark, so, uh-- so they won’t-- see you.”

H [Whispers]:  “Sh.  Listen to me.  The chest.”

I [Mouths]:  “Oh, the chest.  OK, OK.”

H [Whispers]:  “Get them-- to walk away-- walk away.”

I:  “Uh-- I’m-I’m walking.”

H [Whispers]:  “No, no-- not you-- not you.”

I:  “We’re walkin’ a-away.  Walking-- walking away?”

Neo:  “What?”

I:  “Uh-- y-you’ll be walking away, you know-- wh-when you’ve got
the money, y-you’ll, uh-- be walking-- away.”

H [Whispers]:  “Get out the back.”

I:  “Uh-uh.”

H [Whispers]:  “Out the back.”

I:  “I got something on my back?”

H [Whispers]:  “No, not your back-- the back.”

I:  “You got something on your back?”

H [Whispers]:  “No, not _my_ back-- the back.”

I:  “You’ve got through-- through the back?  Oh, through the
back!”

Cratus:  “Through the back what?”

I:  “Uh-- yeah, yeah-- I was just thinkin’ out loud.  You know,
uh-- ways ta [sic]-- help your plan?”

Cratus:  “I knew you’d come around.”

I:  “And I was thinking, if you, uh-- want to dig an opening in
the back wall, then I could-- show you where to do it.  You know,
if you promise-- no one gets hurt.”

Cratus:  “Well, you’ve got my word.”

I:  “OK.”

Cratus:  “For now.”

Neo:  “I know you, Cratus.  There’s more to your plan than just--
crawling out the back when it’s dark.”

Cratus:  “Did I forget to tell you about the fire?  Oh, just a
little diversion to keep the cadets busy.  We’ll get a few of the
boys to spread a little lamp oil around.”  [Laughs]

-----------------------------------------------------------------
[ACT II]

I:  “Ya know?  I’m n-not sure, but I think-- it’s over here.
Yeah.  No?  Huh-- OK, uh-- well, maybe it’s over here somewhere.”

Neo:  “This-- better be the place-- or the next hole we dig-- is
gonna be for you.”

I:  “It’s over there.”

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Ja [Sighs]:  “We’re losin’ the sun.  Hercules, where are you?”

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Neo:  “Boss-- why don’t we divvy up the money now?  That way, we
can travel faster.”

I:  “Oh, no, no, no!  I think you should keep it together!  I
think your chances are much better-- ”

Neo [Interrupting]:  “But you’re not even in the gang, anymore!
Remember?!”

Cratus:  “Where’s the money?!”

I:  “I don’t know.  Maybe you should check Neolun’s pockets!”

Neo:  “I’ve heard all I can stand from your smart mouth!”

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Nezus:  “A little lamp oil, a torch, and before you know it, the
barbecue begins.”

H:  “Shhh!  Hiya.”

Lil:  “Hi.  I’ll free Fiducius.”

H:  “No, no, no, no.  Hold on a second.  Go find Jason.  Tell him
they’re gonna set a fire out the back to cover their escape, OK?
And listen-- don’t do anything until I give you the signal.”

Lil:  “Well, what’s the signal?”

Nezus:  “Help!  Intruder!”

H:  “Go.  Go!”

Nezus:  “Heeeellllp!”

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Cratus:  “That’s Nezus.  Come on!”

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Neo:  “She’s disappeared!”

Cratus:  “Just like the money.  Someone’s sneaking around in
here.”

Nezus:  “It was a cadet.”

Cratus:  “And you knew about it all along!  So that’s why you led
us out of the room.”

I:  “So you guys ready to give up?  Huh?  I mean, you don’t have
the money, right?”

Cratus:  “We still got the old guy-- and you.”

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Cratus:  “Whoever you are-- your little game is up!  We have the
old guy!  If you don’t want him hurt-- you’ll bring us the money,
now!”

Neo:  “Hey-- that’s not the old guy.”

Cratus:  “The hostages are gettin’ away!  Guillen, stop them!”

Guillen:  “Ha-ha.”

I:  “Yeah!”

Lil:  “Come on!”

Ja’s Voice:  “This way!  Over here!”

Cratus:  “No lily-livered dirtbag of a cadet is gonna ruin my
plan.”

Neo:  “Great!  Let me turn this worm into bait.”

Cratus:  “Not yet.  Hey, mystery man-- how ’bout a trade?
Iolaus’ life for the money.”

H’s Voice:  “Over here-- catch me if ya can!”

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Fid:  “Can’t we wait till Cheiron gets back?”

Lil:  “We don’t have time.  No, Hercules said he’s gonna set up a
fire to cover the escape out the back.”

Fid:  “Oh, dear, the academy.”

Ja:  “Where’s Iolaus?”

Lil:  “He’s still inside.  Hercules said to wait for the signal.”

Ja:  “What’s the signal?”

Lil:  “He didn’t have time to say.”

Ja:  “Be prepared to attack on my order.  Stay alert!”

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Cratus:  “Find the money.  It’s gotta be in a bag somewhere.  You
left us for this?  Schoolbooks and playing warrior.”

I:  “Yeah, I know.  How could I be so dumb?  Just think of all
the old ladies I could ’a robbed if I’d stayed with you.”

Cratus:  “Bigshot cadet-- who’s the little old lady now?”

Neo:  “No money!”

Cratus:  “Wise guy!  I guess you want to watch your friend fry!
Get the oil!  You should have told your friend that I mean what I
say.  Your aching body’ll be our safe ticket out of here.”

I:  “Oh, come on, Cratus, you’re not gonna hurt me-- are you?”

Cratus:  “Nezus-- get the torch.”

Nezus:  “Sure, boss.”

Cratus:  “Time for Plan B.  We won’t wait till it gets dark.
Neolun-- you and the others guard the back, and cover us while
we-- get this little barbecue going.”

Neo:  “Right.”

Cratus:  “Let’s see if that friend of yours cares much about a
fellow cadet.”

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Fid:  “They’re gonna burn the academy.”

Ja:  “That must be the signal.”

Lil:  “Yeah.”

Ja:  “Let’s go!  Come on!”

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Cratus:  “Torch it.”

H-in-Disguise:  “I don’t think so.”

Cratus:  “What’d you say?  Hercules!  You’re the one who’s been
running around in here!”

[Fight]

H:  “Well-- looks like Plan B didn’t work out as you had hoped,
huh?”

Thief’s Voice:  “Yeah, it did!”

I:  “Hercules-- you got this figured out, right?”

H:  “Oh, yes, yeah.”

Cratus:  “Get him.”

I:  “Uh, whoa.  Uh-- ”

Cratus:  “Not so tough now, mighty Herdules.”

I:  “Herc, you wanna make this a short fight-- huh?!”

Ja:  “Wow!”

I:  “Herc.  Herc, come on!  Any time, Herc!”

H:  “Hey.”

I:  “Hey.”

H:  “How you doin’?”

I:  “Uh, good.”

H:  “Good.”

I:  “Uh-- you wanna cut me loose?”

H:  “Oh, yeah.  Good idea.”

I:  “Ready?”

H:  “Ready.”

I and H:  “Go!”

Ja’s Voice:  “Quickly!  Put out the fire!”

Cadets’ Voices:  “Grab water!”  “Quickly!”

Ja:  “All right, lowlife!  Call off your playmates!  Do it!”

Cratus:  “OK!  Enough!  Iolaus-- you owe me.  Get me out of
this.”

I:  “Uh-- Cratus-- you taught me how to steal-- helped me out for
a while.  But that was a long time ago.  I don’t owe you a
thing.”

Ja:  “Get ‘em out of here!”

Cratus:  “Cadets.”

Fid:  “The tuition money!  Where’d they take it?!”

I:  “Well, I don’t know.  You better ask, uh-- ‘Mr. Cadet’ over
here.”

H:  “Come here.  Here’s your real hero.”

Ja:  “Well, I guess that dummy’s got a heart of gold.”  [They
laugh.]

Fid:  “Hey-- shall I take that?”

H [Interrupting]:  “Oh-- I don’t know, Fiducius.  I think I
should.  Oh, yeah, I should count this out for the party.”

I:  “Hey, Jason-- ”

Ja:  “Take care of this.”

I:  “Hey!”

Ja [?]:  “Hey, man.”


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