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“Keeping Up With the Jasons” Episode 08/108 [TEASER] Ja: “Guys, guys. Come on, come on. Drink up. We gotta get back to drills.” Lilith [Lil]: “Relax, it’s OK. We still got a few minutes.” Kora: “Jason, this was left for you. Happy Birthday.” I: “It’s your birthday? I-I didn’t know it was your birthday. Did you know it was his birthday?” H: “It’s your birthday?” I: “Oh, it’s a Corinthian surprise party. You surprise the guests.” Lil: “Come on, why didn’t you tell us it was your birthday?” Ja: “Well, I didn’t want you guys to feel like you had to get me something.” I: “Oh. Good.” H and I: “Iolaus.” I: “What? What present do you give a future king?” All: “Ooh.” H: “Som’in’ like that.” Lil: “Who’s it from?” Ja: “It’s from my uncle. These belonged to my father. He used them to break the Barbarian siege.” I: “Really?” H: “The Barbarian siege?” Lil: “Stellar! That was really nice of your uncle to send ‘em to you.” Ja: “Ah-- he knows how much I miss my father.” I: “Yeah, we all do.” H: “Well-- these are definitely cool-- all right?” Melotheum [Melo]: “Too cool-- for academy wimps.” Lil: “Hey-- can we help you?” Melo: “You’re sitting at our table.” Lil [and others]: “Oooooh.” I: “Oh-- I’m sorry, I didn’t see your name carved on it.” Ja: “That’s assuming you _can_ carve your name.” Melo: “You academy punks come in here-- and act as if ya own the place!” Kora: “I own the place, so calm down, Melotheum. We don’t have a gladiators’ license, yet.” Melo: “Hey-- they can stay. It’ll just cost ‘em that sword and shield.” Ja: “Really? Why don’t you come try and take ‘em?” H: “Hold it, hold it, hold on a second, Jason. Um-- let me just get this straight, uh-- you’re willing to fight over a table?” Melo: “Mm-hmm.” H: “Well, I can see fightin’ over a kingdom.” Ja: “Or fighting for a noble cause.” Lil: “Or-or to stop outlaws.” H [Sighs]: “But over-- a table. I don’t-- know. I-I just wouldn’t-- think of that. But, um-- well, if you and this table seem to be so in love, my friends and I wouldn’t want to keep you two lovebirds apart any longer. So-- do you wanna be alone-- with the table?” Lil: “Yeah, well, we were getting back, anyway.” Ja: “Get goin’. Get goin’.” H: “Listen. Get outta here, birthday boy, all right? We’ll take care of it.” Ja: “I’ll see you at the academy.” I: “All right.” Ja: “I’m gonna go polish my-- sword and shield.” I: “Uh-- I don’t have any money.” H: “Well, I don’t have any money.” I and H: “Hey, Lilith.” Lil: “Huh? Oh. Yeah.” ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ Melo: “I’ll take that sword and shield now.” ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ [ACT I] [Fight] H: “I said we wouldn’t fight over a table. I never said we wouldn’t defend ourselves.” Melo: “You’ll be sorry when my brother hears about this.” ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ Cadet: “Wow-- so this is the sword and shield you used to fight off Melotheum and his gang.” I: “Yeah-- all he did was hold it up like this, and off they ran.” Ja: “Ahh-- there was more to it than that.” Cadet: “Cool-- Jason running Melotheum off, all by himself. Wish I could’ve seen it.” H: “Me, too.” Cheiron: “Time to choose a Dacuuda.” Cadet’s Voice: “Dacuuda?” Cheiron: “Follow me.” Cadets’ Voices: “What is he talkin’ about?” “What’s a Dacuuda?” ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ I: “Ah, he’s talkin’ Centaur, again. What’s Dacuuda?” Ja: “Don’t you ever study?” I: “Not really.” H: “Dacuuda-- it’s an award for the student demonstrating the highest ideals of the academy.” I: “And those would be?” H: “Honor, skill, loyalty-- ” Ja: “-- which automatically leaves you-- out.” Cheiron: “Iolaus-- Lilith-- first test of skill-- one-to-one combat.” I: “Thank you.” Cheiron: “Begin!” [Spar] Lil: “Owwww!” I: “Whoa-- sorry, Lilith.” Lil: “My eyes!” Cheiron: “Why did you stop?” Lil: “I can’t see!” Cheiron: “Lilith-- you must be ready for anything. You must learn to see-- with other senses. Jason-- Hercules.” Ja: “Smooth move, Iolaus.” Cadet’s Voice: “Go, guys.” H: “Hope you know how to use those things.” Cheiron: “Begin!” [Spar] I: “Ow! Ooh!” H: “Uh, I-- I guess-- that I yield?” I: “Man, that was pathetic.” H: “Yeah, um-- congratulations.” Ja: “I was just lucky. Uh-- my father’s things made the difference.” I: “Well, local prince on his way to being Dacuuda.” Lil: “Yeah, with that sword and shield, nothing can stop you, now.” ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ H: “Hephaestus? It’s Hercules.” Hephaestus [Heph]’s Voice: “In the workshop!” ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ Heph: “There-- fit for a god. So-- what brings you here? Good reason.” ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ Heph: “Huh? My-- private collection. OK. Yeah, I’m real proud of this.” H: “Whoa!” Heph: “Hey!” H: “Listen, this is way, way, way-- way-- ” Heph [Interrupting]: “-- way beyond what any mortal has seen?” H: “Yes.” Heph: “I know.” H: “Oh-- oh-ho-ho. Oh.” Heph: “Oh.” H: “May I?” Heph: “Yeah.” H [Whispers]: “Oh-- wow.” Heph: “Oh.” H [Whispers]: “Could you back up for a second?” Heph: “Sure.” H: “Whoo! Uh-- well-- this is so light. It’s just got such a great balance.” Heph: “My own special alloy-- three times as strong and twice as light as Phoenician iron.” H: “Whoo.” Heph: “Hey-- try it.” H: “Huh?” Heph: “Yeah-- try it.’ H: “Oh, yeah? All right. Huh, huh? Well!” Heph: “Drop it.” H: “Drop it?” Heph: “Trust me-- yeah.” H: “OK.” Heph: “Hey-- trade secret-- magnetic metal. OK. OK. Watch this. OK. Better stand behind me.” H: “All right.” Heph: “Ready?” H: “OK” Heph: “OK.” H: “Here we go.” Heph: “Here we go.” H: “Yeah.” Heph: “It’s great for fighting dragons!” H: “Or visting Uncle Hades. Yes! Listen, I-- I don’t know what to say. You know? How can I repay you?” Heph: “Hey-- you already have. You stuck by me when Hera threw me out of Olympus. Come on.” ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ Lil: “Whoa-oh-ho-ho-- and I thought -Jason’s_ sword and shield were awesome.” Ja: “Where’d ya get that stuff?” H: “Oh, uh-- just found it in some cave.” I: “Oh, come on, you stealin’ from a god?” Cheiron: “I see you’ve replaced your sword and shield? I trust you don’t think that being Dacuuda-- is about shiny weapons. A Dacuuda must learn to trust his-- or her-- senses. Hercules-- Lilith-- blindfolds.” H: “Thank you. All right.” [Spar] Lil: “Lost something, Hercules?” H: “Whoo-- well-- looks like I found it.” Lil: “Hey! How’d you do that?” H: “How? I’m not tellin’ my secrets.” Lil: “Ow!” ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ Cheiron: “A Dacuuda must be adept at one-to-one combat under any circumstances!” Ja: “My father’s sword.” H: “Listen, I’m sorry.” Lil: “Hey-- you busted it.” Ja: “Why’re you bein’ a hotshot, huh? What’re ya tryin’ to prove?” H: “Nothin’-- it’s just these new weapons. I’m sorry.” Ja: “My father gave me a gift and you don’t like it. You’re jealous! I [Whistles]: “Man-- whoo-- this sword is ho-ot. Tell you what-- if it were mine-- I would mop the floor with all of you.” H: “Well, will you just-- watch it, all right, Iolaus? It’s not a toy.” I: “Whoo! Ooh! Eee.” H: “Pig.” ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ Lil: “Oh, come on, you guys. You’re not gonna stay mad at each other forever.” H: “She’s right, you know.” Woman’s Voice [In Background]: “Oh, there she is!” H: “Listen, uh-- why don’t you let me buy your food-- huh?” Ja: “I’m not hungry.” I: “Can I have his share?” Lil: “Iolaus! Ah-- your lack of sensitivity is amazing.” H: “Hey, listen. Um-- I broke yours, so you take mine. It’s only fair.” Ja: “I can’t take it.” Midicus [Midi]: “I can.” ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ [ACT II] H: “Listen-- I didn’t wanna fight your brother, and I don’t wanna fight you, OK?” I: “What is _with_ this family?” Midi: “I heard about you cadets and your-- fancy weapons. You say you don’t wanna fight? Well, you won’t be needin’ yours, then.” H: “Uh-- I don’t think so.” I: “I mean, the last thing this world needs is for them to fall into the hands of some-- big-- ugly-- creepy-- funny-lookin’-- ” H: “Iolaus. Hey, I-Iolaus?” I: “What?” H: “Can you go get me some more water?” I: “What?” H: “Ah, just please? Trust me.” I: “OK, but now is a really bad time to be thirsty, Hercules.” H: “I understand. Do this alone. I got myself in this mess.” [Fight] Midi: “It’s just you and me, academy wimp.” H: “Ya had enough?! Do ya yield?!” Midi: “Is this what you call a fair fight at the academy?” H: “All right-- whatever.” Midi: “That was too easy.” H [Whispers]: “Think. Think.” Midi: “Come out, come out, wherever you are! But I’m over-- here. Melo: “Ya put up a good fight, Midicus.” I: “You turned the tables on him, Herc.” [Laughs] Kora: “Someone get her some water!” H: “Is she OK? Lil: “My eyes-- I can’t see!” ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ Lil: “Guess I’ll be getting lots of practice in the blind drill.” Cheiron: “What you need is rest.” H: “Well?” Cheiron: “Only time will tell if she gets her eyesight back.” ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- H: “Lilith can’t see. Jason hates me. Iolaus doesn’t want me around.” Heph: “Well-- I know how it feels not to be liked.” H: “It’s just stupid! Ya know?! It was all about bein’ the best! Jason had new weapons, and I wanted better ones, and-- just take ‘em, all right? All they bring is trouble.” Heph: “Well, in that case, I don’t want ‘em either!” ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ H: “Whoa, whoa, whoa! Ah-- thanks. Take care of him for me, will you? Wha?! Huh?!” Brother [Bro]: “Is this the punk?” Midi: “Yeah, that’s him.” Melo: “That’s him.” Bro: “So, you’re the hotshot cadet with the fancy weapons, who picked on my two little brothers.” H: “Uh-- I don’t know what your brothers told you-- all right? But I didn’t wanna fight them, and I don’t wanna you.” Bro: “In that case-- you give me those fancy weapons-- and we’ll call it even.” H: “Well-- interesting story, that. Um-- I don’t have them.” Midi: “I say we start whomping on him now, and he’ll get ‘em fast enough.” Melo: “If he doesn’t have them, let’s just go home.” Bro: “Hey! It’s about respect! If Pa taught us one thing, it’s never back down from no cadet-- especially-- when _he_ ain’t got no weapons.” Ja: “Well, well-- we meet again.” I: “Hi, kids.” Ja: “What’s the problem here, Hercules?” H: “Ah, well, there’s no problem, actually. I was just telling these guys that I don’t have my weapons anymore, so-- ” I: “Where did you hide ‘em?” H: “Uh-- I destroyed them.” I: “We have a problem.” [Fight] Lil: “Sounds like you cadets could use a hand!” H: “Lilith?” Bro: “Whoa! Ahhhhhhhhhhh!” Melo: “My eyes!” Bro: “Hey-- she’s blind. Now, we’ve got her. This is going to be easy. Ow! Ah!” Melo: “I told you we should have gone home.” Bro: “Be quiet.” Mid: “What do we tell Pa?” Bro: “Be quiet!” Ja: “Are we in trouble?” Cheiron: “Well-- it seems like you had no choice but to fight. You were unarmed-- and outnumbered at the start of it. There’s no need for the final test.” I: “So, did you choose a Dacuuda?” Cheiron: “You chose for me.” Lil: “Me?” Cheiron: “You all fought with skill and loyalty and honor-- but Lilith discovered that a warrior’s strength comes from within.” Lil: “I did? Well, how?” Cheiron: “When you saw without your eyes.” ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ H and I: “Happy birthday!” Ja: “Guys, you shouldn’t have. It’s my father’s sword. You fixed it.” I: “Yeah.” H: “Hephaestus fixed it, but-- yeah.” Ja: “Ah, guys, I don’t know what to say.” H: “Well-- just say that you’ll put it away in a safe place where we won’t get tempted to show off with it-- all right?” Lil: “Mind if I have a go before you put it away?” H: “Can you see?” Lil: “Yes!” H: “You can see?! That great!” Ja: “Cheiron-- you’re the master! Hey, this calls for a celebration at Kora’s.” I: “All right.” Lil: “Ah, just one thing? If someone wants that fancy belt of yours-- just give it to them.” H: “All right? Hey, Jason, listen, uh-- I’m really sorry about what happened to your sword.” Ja: “Don’t worry about it, Hercules.” I: “Hey! Birthday boy treats! Huh?! Right?!” ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ -----------------------------------------------------------------
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