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“Amazon_Grace”  Episode 09/109


Ja:  “They thought everything was quiet-- and then it came again-- that eerie, scrathing sound.  So the knave and the maiden sped off in the chariot.  And when they got home-- they found the monster’s hook-- _stuck_ in the side of the chariot!  Rrrrahhhhhhh!”

H:  “Last time I heard that, it was a farm boy and a peasant girl in an oxcart.”

I [Laughs]:  “You know, I got a scary, too.  Takes place in a-- forest-- not unlike this.  In fact-- it could be on this very path.  There were-- two, no, there were three young warriors returning from Troy.”

H [Interrupting]:  “Right.  OK.  Uh-huh?”

I:  “Then they heard this noise [Screeching sound in background]-- kinda like that.”

H:  “What was it-- a Minotaur, or a Cyclops or somethin’?”

I:  “Yeah, your-your stomach growling?”

I:  “A-ha!  No-- it was harpies-- half-women-half-bird-beasts that-- swoop down and-- tear the flesh from your bones.”

Ja [Mockingly]:  “Did they have-- feathers-- like-like armor?”

H [Mockingly]:  “W-- was it impossible to kill?”

I:  “Yeah, yeah, yeah-- laugh all you want.  I swear it’s true-- swooped right down on them-- on the path.”

H:  “Hey-- Iolaus.  Iolaus!”

I:  “What?”

H:  “You sleep through scouting class?  That marker means, ‘No trespassing’.”

I:  “So?  It’s a shortcut.  What?  Son of a god and future king are a little scared?”

Ja:  “I don’t break laws just ‘cause it’s convenient.”

H:  “Wait up [?].”

I:  “Oh.”

H:  “We’ll meet you back at the academy, all right?”

I:  “OK, well, I’ll see you later-- you chicken.”


I:  “Ooh.  Ow.  Ooh.  Whoa!  Whoa!  Harpies?”


I’s Voice:  “Hercules?!”



I:  Ooh!  Oh!”

H:  “Iolaus!”

Ja:  “Nice shorcut, Iolaus!”

Cyane:  “Hercules?  Ah.”

H:  “Cyane.”

I:  “Amazons?”

Cyane:  “Uh-- you can-- let me up, now.”

H:  “Oh.  Yeah.”

Cyane:  “OK.”



Ja:  “Hey, listen up, everybody.  Excuse me-- guys?  OK-- now that we have everyone’s complete attention, I’d like you to meet some friends of ours.”

H:  “Fellow cadests-- this is Cyane.  She’s, uh, the leader of the Amazon tribe.”

I:  “And you guys said we couldn’t meet any girls.”

Cyane:  “Who’s in charge, here?”

Al_Bruce:  “There she is.”

Male Voice:  “Ah-- [Clears throat]”

Cyane:  “We are honored to meet someone who has undertaken the difficult task in turning these boys into warriors.”

Lilith [Lil]:  “Oh-- I’m not master of this academy.  I’m Lilith.  I’m a cadet.”
Cheiron’s Voice:  “Why do I not hear the sounds of practice?”

Al_Bruce:  “Oh-- he sent a centaur to announce his arrival.  Personally, I find them lowly _beasts_-- but they make good servants.”

H [Clears throat, then whispers]:  “Uh-- Cheiron is our leader.”

Al_Bruce:  “A centaur?”

Cheiron:  “At your service.”

H:  “Cheiron, um-- I’ve offered Cyane our hospitality in their search for a new homeland.”

Cheiron:  “You are welcome.  The ancient feud between centaur and Amazon is best left in the past.”

Cyane:  “We accept your offer, Centaur.  Our fight is with the accursed Zeus, and not with you.”

H:  “Uh-- you know, I heard that Zeus can actually be a good guy-- well, once you get to know him.”

Lil:  “Come on.  I’ll show you guys where you can put your gear.”

I:  “Uh-- can I get that for you?  Oh!  Ah!  Ooh.  You see that?  That was a _love_ tap.  She _likes_ me some.”

Ja:  “I don’t know.  I think I’d-- go with Hercules’ technique of-- keepin’ a sense of mystery.”

I:  “Mystery?  Oh, _you_ haven’t told her that Zeus is your father, have you?”

H:  “I will, OK?”

Ja:  “And when would that be?”

H:  “When the time is right.  Excuse me.”

I:  “Yeah, right.”


H:  “Well-- that concludes the first part of our tour.  Anybody have any questions?”

Lil’s Voice:  “Pass it here!”

Cyane:  “Is that a pig’s bladder they’re kicking?”

H:  “Uh-- uh-- yeah-- it’s filled with water.  It’s one of Cheiron’s foot drills.”

Ja:  “You guys wanna give it a try?  A little, uh-- coed competition?”

H [Laughs]:  “I don’t think that’s a good idea, Jason.”

I:  “Come on-- girls against guys.”

Cyane:  “Is she one of the guys?”

I:  “Uh, she’s a-- she’s-- ”

Lil:  “A cadet.  Let’s play.”

Ja:  “Whoa-- whooooaaaaaa-- Herc!”

Cadets’ Voices:  “All right.”  “I got it.”

I:  “Go, Herc!”

Ja’s Voice:  “Cross it!  Hercules, cross it!”

Cadet’s Voice:  “Pass it!  Pass it over here, Hercules!  Pass it on!”

H:  “Oo-oop!  Oh!”

Cyane:  “Is this how it’s played?  Excellent move-- worthy of an Amazon!”

Cadet’s Voice:  “Pass it back.”

I:  “Hmm.”

Lil:  “Come on.  Come on.”

Ja:  “Lilith!”

Lil:  “Jason!”

Cadets’ Voices:  “Yeah!”  “Yes!”  “All right!  Stay behind the wall!”  “Pass it!  Pass it!”  “I got it!  I got it!”  “Nice play!”

I:  “OK [Clears throat]-- let’s call it a tie.”


Cyane:  “Have you seen Hercules?”

Lil:  “No.  Care to join me in my javelin drills?”

Cyane:  “Sure.  So-- why do you train with-- boys?”

Lil:  “Well-- I wanted to be a warrior.  There was no academy for women, so I came here.  It’s the best.  I’m just having a little trouble fitting in.”

Cyane:  “An Amazon warrior takes pride in who she is, now how she fits in with others.”

H:  “Whoa!  I hope I’m not interrupting anything.”

Cyane:  “Hercules-- I’ve been looking for you.  There’s something I have to tell you.”

H:  “Well, good-- I’ve been lookin’ for you, too.”

Cyane:  “Last night, Ares gave Simuler [sic] a sign in her dreams-- a land we can settle as our own, about a-- day’s ride to the northeast.  So, tonight, there’s gonna be a big celebration.”

I:  “Ooh, did I hear, party?  I’m there.”

Cyane:  “And for one cadet volunteer, it’s gonna be a very special evening.”

I:  “Uh, uh, and-- that-- would be me.”


Ja:  “Well, I guess you haven’t found the right time to talk.”

H:  “Not with you too butting in all the time.”

I:  “Hey.”  [Ja and H laugh.]  “What?  Come on, they painted me to represent the male in the Amazon culture.  It’s colorful.”

H:  “Yeah, and practically useless.”

Ja:  “Oh, they couldn’t have found a better representative.”

Cyane:  “Hey, Hercules-- dance with me?”

H:  “Oh, huh!  I don’t think so.  You see, I’m more of a fighter-- not really a dancer.”

Cyane:  “Oh-- well, you can’t fight me, because you’d lose.  Come on!”

H:  “OK.”

Ja and I:  “Ooh.”

I:  “Hey-- check this out.  So-- what’s your sign.”

Amazon:  “‘No trespassing.’”

Ja [Laughs]:  “He shoots-- he misses!”

I:  “Ha-ha!  Well, I don’t see _you_ with anybody.”

Ja:  “Well, that’s ‘cause they’re Amazons.  If they were any other type of woman-- they’d be all over me.”

I:  “Yeah, whatever.  Well, it looks like Herc’s doin’ OK.”

Ja:  “Yeah, he is.”

H:  “Listen, I, um--got som’in’ I wanna tell you before you leave.”

Cyane:  “Well-- go ahead.  You don’t have to be shy with me.”

H:  “Zeus is my father.”

Cyane [Laughing]:  “Oh, yeah-- very funny.  You _know_ how I hate Zeus.”

H:  “I tried to tell you.”

Cyane:  “You’re not kidding.”

H:  “Cyane--”

Cyane:  “What part of your father’s plot is all this?”

H:  “Listen-- ”

Cyane:  “No!”

H:  “Cyane!  I’m not like my father!  My-- ”

Cyane [Interrupting]:  “Yeah, well, I don’t believe you!”

I:  “Bad luck, big guy.”

Ja:  “Ahh, don’t worry about it, Hercules.  She would’ve found out anyway.”

Cyane’s Voice:  [Screams]


H:  “What’s goin’ on here?”  

Leeseus [Lee]:  “I’m  Leeseus-- the king of Athens.  This woman belongs to me.”



Lee:  Hold it-- right there!”

Ja:  “Leeseus.”

Lee:  “Jason, my old friend.”

I:  “Whoa, did I miss something?”

Ja:  “This is Hercules-- one of the best fighters at the academy.”

H:  “We’ve met.”

Ja:  “And Iolaus.”

I:  “Hey.”

Lee:  “So, Jason-- how the heck are you?”

Ja:  “I’d be better if you didn’t have that woman stuck in the net.”

Lee:  “Don’t be concerned-- it’s a minor matter.  They’re runaway slaves.”

Cyane:  “We belong to no one.”

H:  “They were tricked.  They were captured by Zared and his pack of slavers.”

Cyane:  “I have Zeus to thank for this.”

Cheiron:  “You’re forgetting, Leeseus.  As guests-- the Amazons are under the protection of the academy.”

Lee:  “Ah-- you must be Cheiron.  Your reputation for bravery and wisdom is well known.  Don’t get involved in this.  If you do-- I would be forced to destroy your academy.”

H:  “Wait.  This is all my fault.  I invited Cyane here.”

Lee:  “Good-- then you can uninvite her and the matter is settled.”

I:  “Whoa, you can’t take the Amazons!  No one should be anyone else’s property!”

Ja:  “Leeseus has a contract.  In the eyes of the law he’s right.”

Cyane:  “But the law is wrong!”

Cheiron:  “Allow us 24 hours to offer an answer.”

Lee:  “Fine-- 24 hours-- but it’ll do ya no good.”


I:  “Slavery’s wrong, Jas-- what’s your problem?”

Ja:  “Without laws, all people are slaves to chaos.”


Ja:  “Here are the scrolls.”

H:  “Is that all there is about combat by champion?”

I:  “What?  This isn’t enough?  Come on, there’s gotta be something there we can use against, uh-- Jason’s old buddy.”

Ja:  “It may be wrong, Iolaus, but the law is on his side, and you can’t just ignore the law.”

I:  “Oh, yeah?  Watch me!”

Ja:  “Oh, yeah?!”

I:  “Yeah!”

Ja and I:  “Ooh!”

H:  “Can you guys just knock it off, please?!  I’m gonna need both of you if this is gonna have any chance to work.”


H’s Voice:  “I think I have a solution.  You were right when you said that we should obey the law.”

H:  “But-- you were right when you said that people should not be slaves.  Therefore, a fair solution is-- the tradition of champions.”

H’s Voice:  “Combat by champions is a test of skill on the ropes.”

H:  “First one to knock their opponent to the ground, wins.  Now-- if it’s Leeseus’ champion-- the Amazons become his servants, but-- if it’s Cyane’s champion-- the Amazons go free.”

Cyane:  “I don’t need a champion.  The queen of the Telaquire Amazons fights her own battles.”

H:  “Leeseus?”

Lee:  “Yes, I’d like a champion.  I choose-- you, Hercules.”

I:  “What?”

Ja:  “Hercules?”

H:  “Me as your champion?”

Lee:  “You wanted the rules of champions.  By the way, you know, if you lose-- you serve me in place of the Amazons.  That’s how it works.”

Lil:  “Can he do that?”

Ja:  “Don’t worry.  Hercules knows what he’s doin’.”

H:  “Well-- we’re all agreed.  I’m ready to start.”

Cyane:  “I warned you.  You don’t wanna fight me.  You’ll lose.”

Cheiron:  “Begin.”


Lee:  “Come on, Hercules!”

Lil:  “Wow-- Cyane is an _incredible_ warrior.”

Cyane:  “If ya haven’t got the heart for battle, you should never have agreed to be champion.”

H:  “Well-- it seemed like a good idea at the time.”

Al_Bruce:  “Come on, Cyane!”

Cyane:  “Ha-ha.  Ha!”

Ja:  “Yes.”

I:  “Yeah.”

Lee:  “Well, Jason-- you were right, as always.  He’s a worthy champion.  Well done, Hercules.  Pack your things, ladies.”

I:  “Uh-- just a minute, Leeseus.  I-- think you’re forgetting something.”

Lee:  “And that would be?”

H:  “The rules of champions?  You see, I win-- I get a reward.”

Lee:  “Reward.  What’re you talkin’ about?”

Ja [Interrupting]:  “It’s in the scroll.  Sorry about that-- rules are rules.”

Lee:  “What do you want?  Land?  Money?  A new wing on the academy?”

H:  “Abolish slavery in Athens.”

Lee:  “Y-- you can’t ask for that.  The Amazons will go free.”

H:  “Read the law.  I can ask for anything I want.”

Ja:  “Hey-- you remember that one time, your chariot beat mine?  You told me, great kings learned from their losses.”

I:  “And, today was a very expensive lesson.”


H:  “I assume you’re eager to settle your new homelands?”

Cyane:  “Yeah-- it’s gonna be a long, hard journey.”

Lil:  “Hey-- I would _love_ to join in that journey-- if you’ll-- have me. ”

Cyane:  “Well, of course-- you’re welcome.”

Lil:  “Ohh.  Yes.”

H:  “But she just got here.”

Ja:  “Women-- they keep you guessin’.”

Lil:  “Cheiron-- I’m only sorry my training with you will end.”

Cheiron:  “Every beginning starts at another beginning’s end.  May you find what you seek with the Amazons.”

Cyane:  “You know, I never thought I’d say this to a man, Hercules.  You’ve taught me a lesson-- not to-- judge the son by the father.”

Al_Bruce’s Voice:  “Sisters!  We leave now!”

H:  “I hope our paths cross again.”

Cyave:  “I do, too.”

I:  “You know?  Guys-- I think I learned something from all this.”

H:  “You?”

Ja:  “What’s that?”

I:  “This body paint is really hard to get off.”


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