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“Mommy Dearests” Episode 27/127 [TEASER] Lilith [Lil]: “Now, Hercules, are you sure it’s gonna be OK with your mother if I tag along?” H: “Yes. OK? She loves company.” I: “Aw, man-- wait till you taste Alcmene’s sweet apple pie. Mmm.” H: “Oh, and her fig tarts-- ” I: “Oh, oh-- forget about it.” H: “Oooh.” I: “Hey, uh-- do you think she’ll make, uh-- that lamb and her mint sauce?” Lil: “Oh, stop it! You’re making me hungry!” I: “Making _you_ hungry? Man, I can practically smell smoke from here.” People’s Voices [Screaming]: “Fire!” H: “You can!” I: “Alcmene!” H: “Run!” ----------------------------------------------------------------- ------------------------------- Alcmene [Alc]: “Why are you doing this?!” Lucius [Luc]: “A message-- from one son of Zeus-- to another.” Alc: “You’re Lucius?” Luc: “That’s right. Take a good-- long look.” Alc: “If you’ve come here to hurt me, just get it over with!” Luc: “Oh, Alcmene-- that would ruin the fun! You see, I want you-- to watch-- as your son loses his mind with hate. I want you to know how much he’s going to suffer.” Alc: “Hercules is at the academy.” Luc: “Nice try-- but I happen to know he’s on his way. In fact, he should be here-- ” H’s Voice: “Mom!” I’s Voice: “Alcmene!” H’s Voice: “Coming!” Luc: “Right on schedule.” ----------------------------------------------------------------- ------------------------------- Luc: “Be sure to tell him-- I dropped by.” H: “Mother.” I: “The curtains! Lilith! Help!” Alc: “I’m all right.” H: “Who did this?” Luc: “Go!” [Laughs] H: “Lucius.” Lil: “Uh. There.” I: “Uh.” Lil: “Yeah.” Alc: “He seemed to want to hurt you. Why’d he attack the village? It doesn’t make any sense.” H: “Yeah, it makes perfect sense to him.” I: “Yeah, he’s tryin’ to destroy every mortal son of Zeus.” Alc: “What do you mean?” I: “He’s a wacko.” Alc: “There may be others in the village that need help.” Lil: “Hey-- we’ll check.” I: “Right with ya.” H: “One thing’s for sure-- he is _definitely_ not gonna get away with this.” Alc: “Please, don’t do anything foolish. Lucius wants you to come after him.” H: “Well-- he’s gonna get what he wants.” ----------------------------------------------------------------- ------------------------------- [ACT I] Ambassador [Amb]: “And so you see, young man-- we offer up a sacrifice to the Minotaur on a regular basis.” Ja [Whispers]: “Get me outta here.” Ophistus [Oph]: “Well! Thank you, your eminences, for coming. However, Prince Jason has to, um-- he must, um-- ” Ja [Whispers]: “Troops.” Oph: “Inspect the troops. Thank you again.” Amb: “Mmm.” Ja [Sighs]: “That man needs a bib.” Oph: “Yes. Oh, just one tiny thing, my prince-- ” Ja: “What’s that?” Oph: “Always use the fork, furthest from the plate, first.” Ja: “It’s almost fall break at the academy.” Oph: “Yeah-- what has that to do with protocol?” Ja: “I miss my friends.” Oph: “Well-- perhaps we have been working a little hard. Why don’t you take a short walk?” Ja: “Yeah. Yeah, I’ll just go wander around the-- marketplace for a while.” Oph: “No, no-- I-I meant around the palace.” ----------------------------------------------------------------- ------------------------------- Luc’s Mother: “Tell Mother how you made Alcmene suffer.” Luc: “I had her watch-- while her village burnt around her. Then! I made her understand how _few_ hours her _precious_ Hercules has left to live!” Luc’s Mother: “You see, Zeus? This! Is your true child-- not that wretched whelp of Alcmene’s. Oh-- you never loved her-- not-- like you loved me. Oh, we’re coming, Zeus. We’re coming to Olympus to join you. Tell me-- tell Mama-- what you’ll do to Hercules.” ----------------------------------------------------------------- ------------------------------- Ja: “Hi, there.” Woman’s Voice: [Screams] Thief: “Give me that!” Woman [Screams]: “Help! Help!” Men’s Voices: “Get him! Get him!” “Grab him!” Thief: “I’m gonna break you in half, little man.” Ja: “I wouldn’t do that if I were you.” Woman’s Voice: “He’s a real-- ” Luc/Theodore [Theo]: “Here you go, Ma’am.” Woman: “Thank you. Thank you, very much.” Luc/Theo [Laughs]: “My pleasure, Ma’am. I mean-- golly-- what citizen wouldn’t do the same thing.” Woman: “And-- thank you, your Highness.” Ja: “You’re welcome.” Woman: “Thank you.” Ja: “You’re welcome.” Luc/Theo: “‘You’re Highness’?” Ja: “Jason.” Luc/Theo: “_Prince_ Jason? Wow! Uh-- Theodore. Uh, I just moved here from Patrai.” Ja: “Oh-- you’re here with your family?” Luc/Theo: “Uh, no. My father-- passed away.” Ja: “Oh. I’m sorry.” Luc/Theo: “There’s been a lot to take care of, you know.” Ja: “I know how you feel.” Luc/Theo: “Yeah.” Ja: “Well, look, I, um-- I gotta go back to the palace.” Luc/Theo: “Sorry, I did-I didn’t mean to keep you, huh?” Ja: “No, why don’t you, um-- why don’t you come _with_ me? You can show me a-- few ’a your rope tricks.” Luc/Theo: “You sure?” Ja: “Hey-- _‘knot’_ a problem-- huh?” [They laugh.] ----------------------------------------------------------------- ------------------------------- Alc: “Iolaus?” I: “Hey, Alcmene. Hey. Hey, are you OK?” Girl: “I lost my dog.” I: “Aw-w, well, don’t worry about it. He’ll come back. At least you _have_ the dog. Oh. Hey, uh-- ya like magic? Yeah? Look-- nothing in my hands. Huh? Magic coin-- see? Ya like-- ? W-w-wait! Wait. That’s my money.” Lil: “Hey, Hercules-- slow down. We’ve got enough. You’re thinking about Lucius, aren’t you?” H: “Wouldn’t you, if he attacked _your_ mother? Huh?” Lil: “Hey, easy-- you’ll get your chance.” H: “When? When he just comes into town and burns people’s homes down and rides away laughing?!” Lil: “Do you know where Lucius went?” H: “Not yet-- but I know him-- and he’s left some kinda clue around here, that-- sick, little-- . When I find it-- I’m gonna make sure that he can never hurt anybody, ever again.” ----------------------------------------------------------------- ------------------------------- Ja: “Hey, yah. Whoo!” Luc/Theo: “Nice place ya got here!” Ja: “Yeah. Hey, I’ll tell ya-- the only other person I’ve seen handle a rope like that is Hercules.” Luc/Theo: “Oh-h-h?” Ja: “Hmm.” Luc/Theo: “Who’s he?” Ja: “Her-- who’s Hercules?! Well, that’s my buddy! He’s one of Zeus’s mortal sons.” Luc/Theo: “Jeepers! Zeus has mortal sons on Earth?” Ja: “Ah, yeah. They’re not all like Hercules, though. Some of them [Cuckoo Sound here]-- aren’t all there if ya know what I mean.” Luc/Theo: “No, I don’t.” Ja: “He’s got this, uh-- one half-brother-- Lucius-- ha-ha-- guy’s a complete meathead. Hey, come on-- show me some of that rope stuff. Mmm.” Luc/Theo: “Exceptional people-- aren’t always understood-- by the lesser ones around them.” Ja: “Really. Well, Hercules is exceptional, and I understand him just fine.” Luc/Theo: “That’s nice-- love to meet him.” Ja: “Well, I’ll see what I can do.” Oph: “Ah-- your Highness-- time for your etiquette lesson.” Luc/Theo: “Well, I gotta get goin’, anyway. Uh-- thanks for showin’ me around the palace. Chk.” Ja: “Hey! You forgot your rope.” Luc/Theo: “Keep it.” ----------------------------------------------------------------- ------------------------------- Luc: “Hercules is as good as mine.” Thief: “I _did_ what _you_ wanted. I stole that lady’s bag. Now, _give_ me what you promised!” Luc: “Do you have any idea-- how hard it was-- to pretend to let such an oaf like you get the better of me?” Thief: “Mm-mm.” Luc: “Normally-- I would tear you-- into _tiny, little pieces_! And feed you to the dogs for even _presuming_ to touch me!” Thief: “So-- I guess we’re even?” Luc: “Uh-- yeah.” Theif: [Yells] Luc: “None of them are worthy, Father. But soon-- I will prove to you that I am! [Whispers] Father.” ----------------------------------------------------------------- ------------------------------- I: “Hey-- how’s it goin’?” Lil: “Oh, look at her. Her village is burned-- and she can still be happy.” I: “Yeah-- she can still be happy, ‘cause the little thief has got my money.” Lil: “Oh, come on, Iolaus. Oh. Hello? Beep-beep.” I: “Yep-- that’s great.” Lil: “Ooh. Ooh. Yuck.” I [Sighs]: “Well, I guess there’s someone around here that likes ya. Hey.” Girl: “Buddy!” I: “Now, don’t go losing him again, OK?” Girl: “Here’s your money?” I: “Uh-- no, you go keep it. Go buy your dog a cat.” [Chuckles] Girl’s Voice: “Come on, Buddy! Let’s go!” [Giggles] ----------------------------------------------------------------- ------------------------------- Luc: “Mother?! Hmm-- yummy. Goat stew!” Luc’s Mother: “Tell me that Hercules is dead.” Luc [Gulps]: “Soon, Mother; very soon.” Luc’s Mother: “No stew for you!” [Hisses] Luc: “I’m sorry!” Luc’s Mother: “Don’t you care about me, anymore? My bags for our trip to Olympus have been packed for hours.” Luc: “I-I-I know, Mother. But-- ” Luc’s Mother: “Go ahead-- forget about the woman who gave you life. Just-- break-- my-- hear-r-r-r-r-r-t!” Luc: “I-- have a plan.” Luc’s Mother: “What plan?” Luc: “T-to use Hercules’ friend-- to break him. It’ll take a little longer-- but he will suffer-- oh! so much more!” Luc’s Mother: “Well-- now, that’s different. Here-- have mine.” Luc: “Thank you, Mother. I-I’ve discovered Hercules’ mortal weakness. He actually _cares_ about his friends! [Laughs] And I intend to use that-- to de-_stroy_ him.” Luc’s Mother: “That’s my boy.” [Evil Laugh] ----------------------------------------------------------------- ------------------------------- H: “Corinth.” ----------------------------------------------------------------- ------------------------------- [ACT II] Ja: “Ya-hah! Ya-hah! Hey-hey-hey-- Hercules. Hey, I didn’t expect ya so soon.” H: “Whaddya mean, ‘So soon’?” Ja: “I just sent for ya. Theodore-- ‘Rope Man’-- he wanted to meet ya.” H: “Well, whatever-- that’s not why I’m here.” Ja: “This is one of our royal banners. Where’d ya get this?” H: “Lucius left it as a bit of a calling card when he attacked my mother’s village.” Ja: “Lucius.” H: “He’s in Corinth.” Ja: “Why?” H: “Well-- in his twisted little mind, he thinks that if he hurts people that are close to me-- he hurts me. So-- you’re in danger.” Ja: “Go to the captain of the guards. We’re gonna form a search party. I’ll meetcha in the armory-- all right? H: “OK. See ya there.” Ja: “Theodore-- how’ja get in here?” Luc/Theo: “Why? Is there a problem?” Ja: “Yeah, Lucius is in Corinth.” Luc/Theo: “Ooh.” Ja: “We’re gonna search the city. What’s with the sword?” Luc/Theo: “Oh, I, uh-- I just thought there might be some trouble.” Ja: “Because of Lucius.” Luc/Theo: “Of course. What else?” Ja: “I don’t know. Ha-ha. But I _do_ know-- that no one knows-- he’s here-- but Lucius himself.” Luc: “Smart boy!” [Fight] Ja: “I’m not _that_ smart.” Luc [Laughs]: “Ha-ha! ----------------------------------------------------------------- ------------------------------- Luc: “I’ll take that.” Ja: “You’re not gonna get away with this, Lucius.” Luc: “_Prince_ Jason-- what made you think you could challenge a son of Zeus?” H: “Why not? He challenges this son ’a Zeus all the time.” Luc: “Little brother-- _why_ am I not surprised to see you, huh?!” H: “Let’s just talk about this, OK?” Luc: “_Don’t_ come any closer-- unless you wanna see whether _royalty_ bounces, huh?!” H: “What-- do you want, Lucius?” Luc: “Let’s see, uh-- I want you-- to suffer for making me look bad in front of Zeus. And then-- I wanna destroy you.” H: “Do you actually think that this is gonna make Zeus proud of you, huh? ‘Cause if you do-- you’re crazier than I thought.” Ja: “You don’t have to do this, Lucius! There’s help for people like you!” Luc: “Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha. Don’t make me laugh.” H: “Lucius, listen. Just think about what you’re doin’ here, OK? If you hurt him-- his people will hunt you down like a dog.” Luc: “Let’s find out then, shall we?” Ja: [Yells] H: “Jason!” Ja [Groans]: “Don’t worry about me, Hercules! I’ll just, uh-- I’ll just hang around!” H: “All right, just hold on! I got some business to take care of.” [Fight] H: “First my mother, now my friends, huh? Stop hurting people that I care about! If you really wanna get through to Zeus, this is not the way, all right?” Luc: “Zeus loves me. He tells me every day. Come on, admit it-- you wish you had the guts to be me.” H: “What?” Luc: “You wanna be Zeus’s favorite _so_ badly, you can _taste_ it! Sadly, that role is filled. You see? Zeus loves _me_ more. [Evil laughter] Well-- I guess I’ll just have to use my bare hands, then.” Ja: “Hercules!” H: “Jason!” Luc: “Come on. Ha-ha-ha-ha.” H: “Two can play at that game. Give it up, Lucius. It’s over.” Luc: “Never. See? I know where your mommy lives. And your friends are _so_ easy to find.” H: “Don’t you ever go near my mother again! You understand me?! Ever! Nobody-- nobody! Hurts my mother or my friends! Do you understand that?! Do you-- understand that?!” Luc: “Uh-- something about your mommy.” H: “I’m gonna-- ” Luc: “What? Do to me what I did to your friend, Jason?” Ja’s Voice: “Hercules!” Luc: “You could save him-- but you _so_ wanna finish me. Huh?” Ja: “Uh! Uh!” Luc: “You’re just like me.” H: “Get back here and fight like a man!” Ja: “Oh! Oh! Oh! Whoo! Hey-- don’t worry about it. I heard what he said. You’re nothin’ like him.” H: “Oh, yeah?” Ja: “Yeah.” H: “How can you be so sure?” Ja: “Well-- I wouldn’t have a jerk like that for a friend.” ----------------------------------------------------------------- -------------------------------
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