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Welcome to the Whoosh!
Films That Got Rave Reviews
So We Were Suckered Into Seeing Them
*OR*
Roger Ebert Owes Us

Here you will reviews of films that we were felt we were tricked into seeing.



WARNING:
There be spoilers here. We are assuming that you have already seen the movie before you read these reviews.
If you have not seen the film, then proceed at your own risk.

Open Submissions
If you have written a review of movie where you discuss what went right, what went wrong,
and what would have made it better or even better,
then please, send it to me, forthwith, at editor@whoosh.org.



Contributors
SS - Susan Solomon




Breaking the Waves (Lars von Trier, 1996)
The "ick" factor was so high in this movie. Watching the stunned, pole-axed faces of the audience as they left the theater, I knew they mirrored my own. Horrible things happened to all the characters for no reason. The simple woman played by Emily Watson is abused, beaten and raped and smiles all the way through each degrading scene. I longed to slap her but she would undoubtably just keep on smiling. (SS, 01/25/03)


Chocolat (Lasse Hallström, 2000)
Johnny Depp is the Perfect Man and he has a pony-tail. And if that isn't horrible enough, it stars Juliette Binoche. She's wonderful, whimsical and Fwench. Chocolate equals sex. The whimsy is so deep you have to wade through it. In the end, everyone eats chocolate and the little Fwench town is fweed. (SS, 01/25/03)


The English Patient (Anthony Minghella, 1996)
This movie got such fabulous reviews . And it does take a while until you realize that you're trapped in an incredibly long, boring tale about people who have no relation to real life. And Juliette Binoche. I really don't think I'm a - whatever the opposite of a Francophile is- but she is so very French and annoying. I longed to slap her. (SS, 01/25/03)


Gangs of New York (Martin Scorsese, 2002)
A brand new pretentious movie. Long and manages to be both violent and boring. Scorsese said to Daniel Day Lewis, "None of your British underacting here. Your Butcher is a larger-than-life, colorful character so go for it! Go for the gusto!" And there is a wierdly painful scene that lasts about 20 minutes in a brothel where a young woman sits with her breasts uncovered next to Leonardo DiCaprio and the camera stays on her the entire time. This woman's breasts should be listed in the cast credits. Sheesh! (SS, 01/25/03)


Like Water from Chocolate [Como agua para chocolate] (Alfonso Arau, 1992)
Food equals sex. Reality and fantasy are blurred. Yawn. (SS, 01/25/03)


The Piano (Jane Campion, 1993)
Eeew! Harvy Keitel naked! And the Holly Hunter character could speak all along! I really longed to slap her. This movie carries pretentiousness to a new level. (SS, 01/25/03)







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