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Editor's Note: This year's calendar is devoted to those wild and woolly grrlfriends of Xena. To enhance your viewing pleasure, Whoosh! intrepid reporter Shelley Sullivan, with her loyal assistant Kym "Can I Get You Another Coffee" Taborn, hunted down the calendar grrls for an exclusive interview with Whoosh!.
Gabrielle, Ms. January (01-11)
Lao Ma, Ms. February (12-22)
Ephiny, Ms. March (23-37)
Callisto, Ms. April (38-46)
M'Lila, Ms. May (47-59)
Boadicea, Ms. June (60-66)
Janice Covington, Ms. July (67-79)
Meg, Ms. August (80-88)
Aphrodite, Ms. September (89-99)
Helen, Ms. October (100-114)
Minya, Ms. November (115-135)
Cleopatra, Ms. December (136-144)
Nebula, Missed The Boat (145-153)
Biographies
Gabrielle, Ms. January
Ms. January is legend for her appreciation of fine cuisine.
[1] Ms. January was born and raised in Poteidaia, a village in Greece. She left Poteidaia at a tender age and became a world-renowned bard most famous for recording the exploits of her traveling companion and reformed ex-Destroyer of Nations, Xena, the warrior princess.
Trivia: Gabrielle mega-sucks at playing truth or dare and she was born with 6 toes on one foot.WHOOSH!:Unique Skill: She is a bard who out-Homered Homer.
Significant Other: Perdicus, deceased; Dahak, estranged father of her child; Xena, very much alive
Children: (1) Hope, currently deceased
[02] If Xena were to describe you, what would she say?GABRIELLE:
[03] [Sings]
Well, listen to my story about Gabrielle,
A cute little gal that's lookin' really swell.
Perfect hair, such a lovely lass,
Nice round breasts and a firm young--[Stops singing][04] She has a sense of humor, you know!
[05] [laughing]Seriously, I'm Xena's best friend in every sense of the word. I'm the first person she sees in the morning and the last one she sees at night. You might say I'm the only friend.
WHOOSH!:
[06] Would you care to elaborate on that a bit? Our readers would like to know more.GABRIELLE:
[07] I bet they would. Gotta save something for autobiographies, and in the meantime, it keeps all those redshirts guessing.WHOOSH!:
[08] Describe your fondest memory of Xena. You must have many of them.GABRIELLE:
[09] Too many to choose just one. Let's see, this is a Family-rated interview, so I'd say the lamb she gave me at Solstice. It's not exactly typical from ex-warlords with a thing for leather.WHOOSH!:
[10] You've changed a lot since you started travelling with Xena. Where do you see yourself in a few years?GABRIELLE:
[11] That's hard to answer, definitely not in a little house on the tundra. Neighborhoods with the right ambiance are hard to find. I'd like a library, Xena enjoys a fight every now and then, and a good couples counselor with a lot of free time probably wouldn't be a bad idea, either.
Lao Ma, Ms. February
Ms. February made a daring head accessory statement ten winters ago.
[12] Ms. February comes from the Land of Chin where she is currently the deceased wife of the eminent philosopher, Lao Tzu, and the deceased mother of the infamously deceased tyrant, Ming T'ien. Quite the politician herself, Lao Ma negotiated the complex treaty with Borias which changed the power distribution of Chin forever.
Trivia: Lao Ma does not eat meat.WHOOSH!:Unique Skill: Lao Ma is especially adept at giving mouth-to-mouth resuscitation underwater.
Significant Others: Lao Tzu, vegetable; Xena, Warrior Princess
Children: (1) Ming T'ien, deceased
[13] You had a significant effect on Xena, Lao Ma. Do you feel she will eventually come to know your way?LAO MA:
[14] Xena already follows my way and with much skill.WHOOSH!:
[15]I was speaking of your philosophy.LAO MA:
[16] Who can know? In the end, there will be only One. When she openly accepts the One, there will be harmony.WHOOSH!:
[17] Er, quite. How did you feel about Xena's actions towards Gabrielle during the Rift?LAO MA:
[18] Rift? What rift?WHOOSH!:
[19] Never mind, it's difficult to explain. What do you really think of Gabrielle?LAO MA:
[20] She is the water that flows over the rock and embraces its essence.WHOOSH!:
[21] Could you explain that more clearly?LAO MA:
[22] She's Xena's best dance partner, but her wardrobe needs work.
Ephiny, Ms. March
Since getting her arm broken by Xena, the Insane Princess, Ms. March has been more alert than usual.
[23] Ms. March comes from the Amazon Nation where she is a Regent for a prominent tribe. She is known as something of a radical, especially for her position on Amazon/Centaur relations.
Trivia: Ephiny was the first Amazon Queen to use the "Simon Says" method of giving orders. She has trained her elite Amazons only to obey an order when it is prefixed by "Amazons".WHOOSH!:Special Skill: Ephiny has a keen sense of sight.
Significant Other: Phantes, deceased
Children: (1) Xenon (strangely enough, he's still alive)
[24] Thank you for making time to speak with me, Regent. And for not having me killed at the border, of course.EPHINY, THE REGENT:
[25] No problem. It's not like I can go anywhere, after all, not like some people who come and go whenever they want.WHOOSH!:
[26] Your duties must be heavy.EPHINY, THE REGENT:
[27] It's important for a ruler to be in touch with her subjects. Each and every woman here gets as much personal attention as I can manage. It's a heavy burden but someone has to do it.WHOOSH!:
[28] What's your best memory of Xena?EPHINY, THE REGENT:
[29] Hmm. Probably when she threw herself on me when Velasca came after us.WHOOSH!:
[30] You mean, when she saved your life?EPHINY, THE REGENT:
[31] That, too.WHOOSH!:
[32] What do you think Gabrielle sees in Xena?EPHINY, THE REGENT:
[33] Are you kidding? Isn't the leather, the blue eyes, and the rest of the package enough? Likely her many skills. I have skills too, you know. Not like I'll have a chance to demonstrate them with this broken arm.WHOOSH!:
[34] You must be very angry with Xena over that.EPHINY, THE REGENT:
[35] Naw, you think someone's moving in on your territory, a girl's gotta do what she's gotta do. You notice she didn't do much of anything to that guy who was hanging around and wouldn't leave. Degree of threat, that's all. I gotta go, I'm sure there's someone who needs some personal attention.WHOOSH!:
[36] Before you go, what do you think of Gabrielle?EPHINY, THE REGENT:
[37] Why do you think I agreed to be Regent? All those personal meetings to fill her in. Maybe I can't touch, but I can sure look. Unless tall dark and dangerous pokes my eyes out.
Callisto, Ms. April
Even after becoming a goddess, Ms. April was still plagued by allergies.
[38] Ms. April was born and raised in a village called Cirra in Greece before it was burnt to a crisp in a raid from lawless ruffians. Since then, Callisto became a god and then for a while dabbled with trying to release pure evil into the world, but ultimately opted for annihilation instead.
Trivia: She used to babysit for Gabrielle's child, Hope and has a serious phobia about rock piles.WHOOSH!:Unique Skill: Although annihilated, Callisto can still communicate with us.
Significant Other: Theodorus, unconsummated and deceased; dated Ares for a while; Xena, life long obsession.
Children: None, but godmother to Hope.
[39] I guess there's not much point in asking you what you think of Xena?CALLISTO:
[40] Isn't it obvious, dear? You always get killed by the one you love.WHOOSH!:
[41] And how do you think Xena feels about you?CALLISTO:
[42] Denial ain't just some stream in Egypt.WHOOSH!:
[43] Dare I ask about Gabrielle?CALLISTO:
[44] You wanna play a game?WHOOSH!:
[45] Definitely not. What was your reaction when Gabrielle threw herself and Hope into that pit?CALLISTO:
[46] Can I use the word orgasmic in this interview? If Xena hadn't killed me with her little phallic symbol, I could have shown her once you've had the best, who needs the rest. Of course, I'm dead, so that's a little tough at the moment. These messy details are so annoying, don't you think?
M'Lila, Ms. May
Ms. May had been signed to do the first dinner theatre tour of ancient Greece before she was so rudely murdered by Caesar, Julius Caesar's soldiers.
[47] M'Lila was born in the Land of the Pharaohs, sold into slavery, and then sold in Gaul. She was killed while trying to defend Xena against soldiers of Caesar, Julius Caesar.
Trivia: M'Lila only learned to speak one language, and unfortunately it was Gaelic.WHOOSH!:Special Skill: She was good at charades.
[48] Xena must have loved you very much, to throw herself into the darkness when you died for her.M'LILA'S TRANSLATOR:
[49] I'd like to think so... there's that language barrier of course. It didn't seem to slow Lao Ma down, though.WHOOSH!:
[50] You didn't trust Caesar from the first, did you?M'LILA'S TRANSLATOR:
[51] When you've seen a man practicing the emperor's royal wave in his tent, it doesn't inspire confidence, no. I tried to warn Xena, never trust a man with a bowl haircut, but did she listen to me?WHOOSH!:
[52] And you taught Xena one of her most famous skills, despite the language barrier.M'LILA'S TRANSLATOR:
[53] It doesn't take words to teach that.WHOOSH!:
[54] But how did you explain to her how long the pinch could be kept on?M'LILA'S TRANSLATOR:
[55] Oh, that skill. I just demonstrated, that's all. Here, let me show you --WHOOSH!:
[56] NO! er, I mean, no thank you. I'll take, um, a raincheck, if you don't mind.M'LILA'S TRANSLATOR:
[57] Your loss. As I was saying, the same could be said for other skills I taught her.WHOOSH!:
[58] If you could speak to her now, what would you tell her?M'LILA'S TRANSLATOR:
[59] To believe in herself, and believe in Gabrielle. And to stay away from guys with bowl haircuts and access to a good timber supply.
Boadicea, Ms. June
Ms. June recently fired her fashion consultant and is currently looking for a replacement. If interested, send inquiries to boadicea@celtworld.icenii.uk
[60] Ms. June was born and raised in Britannia where she married a Celtic tribal leader. Life was good until the Romans came, her husband was killed, and then her daughters raped.
Trivia: Boadicea has never met Iolaus.WHOOSH!:Special Skill: Can do a flip off of a chariot.
Husband: Prasutagus, deceased
Children: (2) daughters, deceased
[61] You and Xena go quite a ways back. Both of you seem to have quite a bit in common.BOADICEA:
[62] Yeah, fight for a homeland here, betray a friend there, win an army, lose an army.WHOOSH!:
[63] You have a great deal of respect for Xena's tactical skills. She designed your battle plan, didn't she?BOADICEA:
[64] That's right. We fought off Caesar while she went to bail her friend out of trouble. It didn't last though, not beating Caesar, and I hear her friend ended up with some problems. Two for two, then zero-for-two. First a good guy, then a bad guy... Xena plays for either team.WHOOSH!:
[65] You sound very understanding. I thought she got your husband killed.BOADICEA:
[66] Xena has that effect on men. They just don't live long around her. She took off after Gabrielle before I could convince her to spend some quality time with Caesar. Ah well, Hope springs eternal.
Janice Covington, Ms. July
Contrary to press reports, Ms. July has never scared children nor dogs.
[67] Ms. July was born and raised in the United States during the early 20th century. Her father was the colorful archeologist/antiquities expert Henry Covington from South Carolina.
Trivia: Her nickname is Maddog.WHOOSH!:Special Skill: Can fire a gattling gun point blank and blast away all inanimate objects to smithereens, but still not shoot anyone.
[68] You believed you were the warrior's descendent?COVINGTON:
[69] D*mn right. I got the leather, the whip, attitude, the cigar... the whole package.WHOOSH!:
[70] I don't believe Xena smoked cigars.COVINGTON:
[71] It's the best I could do for a long pointy thing. Whatya want from me, a perfect match after two millennia? Instead I get stuck with Miss Tag-A-Long. Geez.WHOOSH!:
[72] Xena didn't feel that way about Gabrielle. She loved her, and Gabrielle loved Xena.COVINGTON:
[73] So the Bard did one thing right. What's not to love about Xena?WHOOSH!:
[74] She wasn't an easy person to love.COVINGTON:
[75] Hey, watch it, that's Mel's relative you're talkin' about.WHOOSH!:
[76] If you could give Gabrielle some advice about Xena, what would you tell her?COVINGTON:
[77] Get a cigar and a whip. And those clothes gotta go.WHOOSH!:
[78] What does Mel think about that?COVINGTON:
[79] Funny...she thinks so, too.
Meg, Ms. August
Ms. August started a Wenches Anonymous chapter at her high school.
[80] Ms. August was orphaned at a tender age where she fell into a life of petty crime and misfortune. After discovering her similarity in looks with Princess Diana, a local royal, her fortunes changed, slightly. She now runs a tavern which only hire wayward women.
Trivia: Her father died in childbirth and she is a rotten speller.WHOOSH!:Special Skill: Can spin wooden chakrams on tables and cook spicy dishes.
Significant Other: None, but has dated Joxer
Children: None, thank goodness. But did put Princess Diana's baby to sleep once.
[81] How does it feel, being one of Xena's look-a-likes?MEG:
[82] The side benefits are pretty interestin'. You'd be surprised, what people wanna do.WHOOSH!:
[83] It must be difficult sometimes, warriors showing up wanting to fight.MEG:
[84] Yeah, that too.WHOOSH!:
[85] Where did you get your costume, it looks perfect.MEG:
[86] Oh, my Joxy-poo helped with that. He picked out the whip, you know.WHOOSH!:
[87] You and Xena are so different. You like to cook, for example.MEG:
[88] Right, right. Gab cooks for Xena though. We both have a lotta skills, just different ones. That's what Joxy-poo says. He hasn't complained about any of mine.
Aphrodite, Ms. September
Ms. September has never visited the San Fernando Vally. Her speech patterns were the result of a childhood accident.
[89] Ms. September is a god from the Greek Olympian god line. She is the god of love.
Trivia: Has never visited the San Fernando Valley.WHOOSH!:Special Skill: Can tolerate her relatives.
Significant Other: Hephaestus
Children: (1) Cupid
[90] How did Xena first come to your attention?APHRODITE:
[91] Oh pu-leeze. A bodacious babe in leatherwear, and you'd, like, ask me that?WHOOSH!:
[92] Xena doesn't like the Gods very much. How do you think she feels about you?APHRODITE:
[93] And what's the new Holy Word for those little baby Amazons? That should tell you something.WHOOSH!:
[94] Their Holy Word is really Aphrodite?APHRODITE:
[95] It should be. I'll settle for love. Every dudette up there knows it's the strongest power going. Ares should be so lucky.WHOOSH!:
[96] Do you think Xena really believes that?APHRODITE:
[97] I'd say the Gabster has made that pretty crystal.WHOOSH!:
[98] How did you feel about the rift?APHRODITE:
[99] Unless you wanna be dropped into a barnyard and shot by Cupie, you won't mention that word again.
Helen, Ms. October
Ms. October actually launched 1,154 ships, 946 boats, 328 barges, and 127 rafts.
[100] Ms. October was born and raised in Greece. After launching a thousand ships with her face, she married Menelaus, but then was kidnapped by Paris. After a scandalous walk with Perdicus clear across Greece, she has been doing charity work.
Trivia: No one had ever asked her what she felt about the Ten-Year Trojan War until Xena asked her, a day before its end.WHOOSH!:Special skills: Her face launched at least a thousand ships.
Husband: Menelaus (and kidnapper, Paris)
Children: She ain't talking.
[101] You and Xena appear to have some history together.HELEN:
[102] Oh that. Well. You know how young women can be, first one side, then the other. Little tiffs get blown out of proportion, what you wanted isn't really what you wanted.WHOOSH!:
[103] Tell me about Paris and Xena... they didn't like each other very much.HELEN:
[104] Paris in the springtime was irresistible, I just couldn't help it. Xena warned me what would happen if I went with him. We didn't see each other again until Troy.WHOOSH!:
[105] That was certainly an unpleasant time.HELEN:
[106] Yes, it was. I got stuck with Perdicus and she left with Gabrielle.WHOOSH!:
[107] Did you know that Gabrielle married Perdicus?HELEN:
[108] I heard about that. Perdicus was the only one stuck in the end, though.WHOOSH!:
[109] You've been described as a woman whose face launched a thousand ships.HELEN:
[110] True. None of them seem to be landing, though.WHOOSH!:
[111] Did you ever sail on Xena's ship?HELEN:
[112] We don't know each other well enough for me to answer that.WHOOSH!:
[113] Sorry... if Xena were to take to the seas again, would you sail with her?HELEN:
[114] Most people I've talked to think Xena pretty much gave up sailing when she got to Poteidaia. That's what Perdicus said, too.
Minya, Ms. November
After meeting Xena and Gabrielle, Ms. November was inspired to open a spa.
[115] Ms. November was born and raised in a backwater village named Laurel. The biggest excitement in her life came when the Warrior Princess visited her deserted town to avert the giant Gareth from squishing it and having to battle her over the attentions of her man, Hower.
Trivia: She owns an entire set of Xena action figures.WHOOSH!:Special Skill: She learns quickly.
Significant Other: Hower
[116] You're quite a fan of Xena's, as I understand it.MINYA:
[117] You betcha. Who wouldn't be?WHOOSH!:
[118] You're quite famous for your description of her.MINYA:
[119] And it's all true, lemme tell you. She's hot, she's a warrior, and she definitely has a great b*tt.WHOOSH!:
[120] Ah, that wasn't exactly the way I heard it.MINYA:
[121] Oh, sorry. I guess that one was in one of Grabby's scrolls.WHOOSH!:
[122] Her name is GabrielleMINYA:
[123] That's not what Xena calls her when they're playing where's the soap. If it's good enough for Xena, it's good enough for me.WHOOSH!:
[124] Xena was responsible for your recent leather look, isn't she?MINYA:
[125] Yep. Let's face it, the blonde's clothes aren't exactly me.WHOOSH!:
[126] Er, yes. Now, you have the distinction of being the only one to intrude on their private bath time and live to tell the tale. So... tell!MINYA:
[127] There isn't much to say.WHOOSH!:
[128] I'm speechless. You brought water into them. When they were in the tub. Unclothed. And you don't have much to say?MINYA:
[129] Well, they didn't say much, either! They washed up pretty quick, played a bit of where's the soap, had a bit of a water fight, then I guess they just soaked for an hour or so. It was pretty quiet.WHOOSH!:
[130] You shared an adventure with them, I hear. You met the Goddess of Love and the God of War too, didn't you?MINYA:
[131] Yeah. That Ares is quite a studmuffin. Cute buns, too. Looks almost as good as Xena and me in leather.WHOOSH!:
[132] And there was another man there, too.MINYA:
[133] There was? Who'd notice, with leatherboy around?WHOOSH!:
[134] Ares is pretty taken with Xena.MINYA:
[135] Who isn't?
Cleopatra, Ms. December
Ms. December still has difficulties making it through a simple bath.
[136] Ms. December was born and raised in Egypt where she ascended to the throne.
Trivia: Cleopatra is not related to Nebula.WHOOSH!:Special skills: Can eat a peeled grape.
Significant Others: Caesar, Julius Caesar; Marc Antony
[137] You only met Xena briefly, but she seems to have made quite an impression on you. You invited her to Egypt.CLEOPATRA:
[138] One of a ruler's responsibilities is to identify potential... allies. Xena's potential is obvious, don't you agree?WHOOSH!:
[139] Xena doesn't have an army any more. She travels with Gabrielle, a bard.CLEOPATRA:
[140] Does she handle the negotiations? I'll have to send her a pigeon. It's important to cement those relations as quickly as possible.WHOOSH!:
[141] Your dedication is admirable.CLEOPATRA:
[142] Isn't it?WHOOSH!:
[143] Egypt is quite a country. If Xena came to visit you, you'd have many wonderful treasures to show her.CLEOPATRA:
[144] Yes, so I've been told. I'm always happy for an opportunity to show off our assets. They're unique.
Nebula, Missed The Boat
Ms. Missed The Boat is one tough cookie. When she wants on this list, she gets on it.
[145] Nebula became the Queen of Sumeria after her brother sold his soul to Dahak. Before that, she was a successful pirate and heavy partier.
Trivia: Has never met Xena.WHOOSH!:Special skills: She has many skills.
Significant Other: Iolaus, currently deceased; Dahak, blind date.
[146] I'm not quite sure why you asked me to talk to you, Nebula.NEBULA:
[147] Hey, I'm a Queen too, you know. And I have a lot in common with Xena. Do you realize you've got 3 dead girlfriends, one probably dead if that Julie guy got hold of her, one not born yet, and a Goddess? Xena needs all the help she can get, with a track record like that.WHOOSH!:
[148] And you'd be willing to provide her with that help?NEBULA:
[149] You bet. Think about it. We both wear leather, we're used to tying people up, and we both have had Iolaus... following us around. I should be numero uno on that list of yours, and I'm not even on it!WHOOSH!:
[150] Most people agree that Gabrielle is number #1 on the WP's list.NEBULA:
[151] Yeah, let's talk about those rankings. Gabby is shorter than me and doesn't look as good in leather. Number 2 is dead, and let's face it...air dancing? Number 3 is short, permed, and annoying, definitely not into a bit of rough horse play. Four is dead, five is dead, and six is probably dead if bowl-hair has finally caught her. Seven is two thousand years in the future and would probably steal her sword. Eight is a bit narcissistic don't you think? Nine is a goddess. I mean really a goddess and she's flighty as Hades. Ten took off with Perdycorpse... 'nuff said there. Eleven has serious obsession issues, and twelve, while very good-looking and obviously intelligent, has this thing for snakes. Nope, it's between me and the short blond bard.WHOOSH!:
[152] How would you choose?NEBULA:
[153] Xena's into sailing, and I'd float on her boat any time. What does the blond do? Orders out for sea food.
Biographies
Shelley Sullivan
When I'm not fly-fishing, I'm on a baseball field. When it's raining and I can't do either, I'm forced to work. Unfortunately, only one of the foregoing actually pays.
Favorite episode: DREAMWORKER (03/103), THE GREATER GOOD (21/121), THE QUEST (37/213), IS THERE A DOCTOR IN THE HOUSE (24/124), REMEMBER NOTHING (26/202), A NECESSARY EVIL (38/214), THE PRICE (44/220), the rift episodes, and ONE AGAINST AN ARMY (59/313).
Favorite line: Xena about the villagers: "Kill 'em all!" TIES THAT BIND (20/120)
First episode seen: SINS OF THE PAST (01/101)
Least favorite episode: FOR HIM THE BELL TOLLS (40/216), ULYSSES (43/219), KING OF ASSASSINS (54/308), THE QUILL IS MIGHTIER... (56/310), KING CON (61/315), FORGET ME NOT (63/317), FINS FEMMES AND GEMS (64/318), IN SICKNESS AND IN HELL
Kym Taborn
http://userzweb.lightspeed.net/~kym
IAXS Executive Committee Kahuna
BA History 1980. MA Music 1984. JD Law 1991. Kym practices law and Xena in the canyons of the Santa Monica Mountains. Kym was the founder of IAXS and currently is the President for Life. Kym is 40 years old and lives to tell of it in Calabasas, CA with Wes, her incredibly patient husband of twelve years, and Ira, her loyal ten year-old son.
Favorite episode: It is still...DREAMWORKER (03/103)!! Let's face it, it is THE ONE.
Favorite line: Gabrielle to Xena: "You're not much for girl talk, are you? Of course, you're not like most girls." PROMETHEUS (08/108)
First episode seen: CRADLE OF HOPE (04/104)
Least favorite episode: THE QUILL IS MIGHTIER... (56/310)
