From the Graphics Editor: THE NIGHT OF THE LOQUACIOUS LETTER

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From the Graphics Editor: THE NIGHT OF THE LOQUACIOUS LETTER

Letters are a rarity in modern times. When I get them nowadays, it's an event almost worthy of celebration. Sure I get e-mail from time to time, but it's just not the same thing. There's something about holding a piece of paper that someone else has touched that's special. I don't even care about it being handwritten or not. Heck, I'd never subject another person to my own handwriting. But it's just very thoughtful when someone takes the time to create a missive, address the envelope, and brave the postal system.

Studios and such must think so too, since I am often told that letters are regarded as more important than e-mail, phone calls, or physical accosting. Since this is a long summer, you might want to write some letters about the show to those you admire (or don't) to express *your* opinions. Since the letter writing skills of many people have atrophied, I have created a little template for you that you may use as a guide if you wish. At the most basic level, all you need do is fill in one blank and select from a variety of multiple choice options:

Dear _______________ (you'll have to fill in your own names)

I take

keyboard
typewriter
pen
pencil
crayon
blunt instrument

in hand to express myself regarding your

studio executive
producing
writing
editing
acting
post-production
musical
special effects
technical
artistic

skills. I think you are

godlike
great
above average
satisfactory
mediocre
somewhat substandard
incapable of basic respiratory function
better off in prison, away from others

Your work has inspired me to

work for world peace
find a cure for cancer
try new things and become a better person
call mom
consider a career in delinquency
become a lawyer

In fact, I want to

have your children
name a child after you
make a toast in your honour
throw toast at you

As regards

HERCULES
XENA
YOUNG HERCULES

I wish the show would

go on forever
continue at least 3 more seasons
continue at least 1 more season
end quickly while there is hope of retaining some dignity
never have been created in the first place

I think the characters/writing/directing/acting is/are

wonderfully unique
campy and fun
interesting
stereotypical
stilted
the cause of many social problems

and the post-production/music/special effects is/are

state-of-the-art
award winning
fantastic
satisfactory
puzzling
vertigo-inducing

Everyone connected with the show should be

deified
awarded control of a sovereign nation
given a congressional medal and pension
commended
given a dinner
granted immunity from prosecution
apprehended immediately

Please

keep up the good work and thanks for reading this
live long and prosper and thanks for being you
keep your hands and arms inside the vehicle at all times and thanks for not suing me
change careers and thanks for nothing

Sincerely

________________ (Your name, or not, as circs warrant)

Bret Rudnick
Graphics Editor
Executive Committee
Boston, Massachusetts
22 June 1999