[28] PART VIII: GABBERWOCKY, A UNIVERSAL LANGUAGE FOR THE 21st CENTURY



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Live long and prosper


BARDBARIAN: Any storyteller with bad table manners. Proper usage: "Solon, you little bardbarian! Haven't I told you a thousand times never to tell stories with food in your mouth!"

BARD-HEADEDNESS: The extreme stubbornness only bards can exhibit.

BARDIE DOLL: The doll that tells stories incessantly, unless you pull the string to stop it. Partial to pink chakrams and Vera Wang originals.

GABACUS: Pocket calculator with beads instead of batteries.

GABALONE: Poteidain shellfish said to have inspired Botticelli's masterwork, "Venus Rising From the Halfshell".

GABACCHAE: An obscure cult of disco-dancing vampires from Cleveland; also a name for the enforcement branch of Clan MacGab.

GABAPHONE: Loud talking thing used to imitate and amplify the thunderous tones of the "one true God". [See: ALTARED STATES, #19]

GABBAG: The pre-Hellenistic term for pig-in-a-poke; i.e., when you pay 1 dinar for a bag full of "treasures" worth at least 5 dinars.

GABBIES: Drivers of those infamous yellow gabs. They are always there when you need them and will even wait by a lake for you until you return; just make sure they don't keep the meter running.

GABDUCTION: The kidnapping of a bard, usually at knifepoint.

GABERDEEN: The outer garment worn by the Clan MacGab, or a city where the Clan is headquartered.

GABFICIONADO: A connoisseur of high-end MacGab cultcha.

GABGRAB: A subtle, tantalizing, bardic gesture which, depending on the reading of the viewer can signify "we're just good friends" (straight context) or, "we're REALLY, REALLY, good *friends*" (gay context). See the "good-bye" scene in PROMETHEUS (#08).

GABITAT: The fantasy world to which a bard retreats when reality becomes overwhelming.

GABLUTIONS: The mysterious...um...bathing practices of Gab and Xena.

GABODACIOUS: Used to describe the Clan MacGab

"GAB OF ALL TRADES": A name given to those who have "many skills," such as bard, warrior, Amazon princess, pan flute player, negotiator, psychotherapist of the Xenaverse.

GABRACHIOPOTEIDAIA: The phylum classification for Clan MacGab.

GABRIGGEPHOBIA: [from the root word brigge, ME.] A fear of suspension bridges, especially those overlooking bottomless pits and held up by rotting twine.

GABSABS: The stunning effect resulting from Xena's uncharacteristic shopping spree at the Salmoneus Factory Outlet to find Gabby a new outfit for the season opener.

GABSENTIA: A condition that occurs during a Gabby-light episode.

GABSTRACTION: An inappropriate lack of focus, such as a sudden urge to sink a chakram into some guy who is annoying Gabby while one is already busy battling the biggest, baddest Centaur of them all.

GABUSHKA: That...thing Gab was wearing on her head in her "alternate life" as a slave girl. [See REMEMBER NOTHING (#26)]

GAUKING: Staring lecherously at a Texas belle while vacationing in Auckland. Usually accompanied by excessive drooling and aphasia.

FORCED GABSTINENCE: Skipping an episode of XENA: WARRIOR PRINCESS for even the flimsiest of reasons, such as weddings, funerals or knee surgery. Prolonged periods of Forced Gabstinence can lead to a potentially fatal form of Gabsentia.

LOMBARDY: A place in Gaul where Bards get together, or the lower back region of Clan

COMMON GABBERISH: Gabulous, Gabcredulous, Gabsorbed, Bardly, Bardish or Gabbish, Gabpreciatively, Gabiniverse, Gabberwhoosy, Vogabulary, Gabridiculous, Gabsolutely, Gabricate, Gabuflection, Bardifying, Gabventurous, Gabstain, Gabberation, Gabracadabra!, Gabsurdity, Gababble, Gabsterpendous, Gabberflasted, Gabnormal, Gabstruck and Gabsent-minded.





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