Whoosh! Issue 40 - January 2000


The Words, The Lines, The Action




Parallel Lines

"Hello-o-o? Senticles?"
Gabrielle
A SOLSTICE CAROL
"Hello-o-o? Anybody home?"
Mel
THE XENA SCROLLS

If this messes up my hair, I'm gonna be mad

Let's hope there's a doctor on this dig.

"Xena, long time."
Draco
A COMEDY OF EROS
"Marcus, it's been too long."
Xena
THE PATH NOT TAKEN

"We'd make an invincible team."
Draco to Xena
SINS OF THE PAST
"We do make a good team."
Hercules to Xena
PROMETHEUS
"We'd make an unstoppable team."
Xena to Julius Caesar
DESTINY
"We were once a great match."
Ares to Xena
THE RECKONING
"They became a great team."
Gabrielle re: the two friends
ATHENS CITY ACADEMY

"You spoke of pleasure." "And you spoke of pain."
Nemos & Xena
CRADLE OF HOPE
"Bacchus must have caused you a lot of pain. Now maybe we can bring you some peace."
Xena to Orpheus
GIRLS JUST WANNA HAVE FUN

"Diomedes, you don't want to do this."
Xena
THE BLACK WOLF
"You don't want to make me angry, now do you?"
Xena to Gabrielle
SINS OF THE PAST
"Trust me, you don't want to make me angry."
Xena to Lord Clarion
HERE SHE COMES ...

"I want you out of the way. Leave the valley."
Dagnine to Xena
ORPHAN OF WAR
"Leave this valley by morning ..."
Xena to Draco
SINS OF THE PAST
"Either leave this valley forever or suffer the wrath of Xena."
Gabrielle to Kirilus' men
THE GREATER GOOD

"You can't change who you are."
Soldier in Xena's dreamscape
DREAMWORKER
"You can't fight destiny."
Lyceus to Xena
REMEMBER NOTHING

"Weapons aren't welcome in my tavern."
Cyrene to Xena
SINS OF THE PAST
"You'll have to check your weapons."
Innkeeper to Xena
CRADLE OF HOPE
"Your weapons."
Aescalus to Xena and Toris
DEATH MASK

"Come on, speak up."
Elkton to Xena
DREAMWORKER
"Show yourself."
Gabrielle in the forest
THE QUEST

"You're trying to drive me insane."
Gabrielle to Meg as Xena
WARRIOR ... PRINCESS ... TRAMP
"You're trying to slow me down."
Xena to Morpheus
DREAMWORKER
"She's trying to delay me."
Velasca to the Amazons re: Xena
A NECESSARY EVIL

"Don't forget about me."
Gabrielle to Xena
CHARIOTS OF WAR
"You won't forget me."
Gabrielle to Talus
DEATH IN CHAINS
"Don't forget me, Gabrielle."
Draco
A COMEDY OF EROS

Here's an idea for a show!  This stripper gets thawed out 500
years later, see...

And don't forget about...oh, nevermind.

"I don't care much for popularity."
Xena to Marcus
THE PATH NOT TAKEN
"I don't care that much for treasure."
Xena to Thersites
A FISTFUL OF DINARS

"You're scared. You're afraid of me."
Mezentius to Dictys
THE PATH NOT TAKEN
"Are you afraid of me?"
Velasca to Gabrielle
A NECESSARY EVIL

"Now, don't ruin things by letting your passion overcome your senses."
Xena to Mezentius
THE PATH NOT TAKEN
"Don't let your passion overcome your senses ... or your loyalties."
Mezentius to Marcus
THE PATH NOT TAKEN

"I tried to go home."
Draco to Xena
SINS OF THE PAST
"I tried leaving, once."
Marcus to Xena
THE PATH NOT TAKEN

"This is such a mess."
Gabrielle
INTIMATE STRANGER
"Such a mess."
Gabrielle
THE PRICE

"You can't give in to that."
Gabrielle to Xena re: negative feelings
THE RECKONING
"You never gave in to it."
Xena to Gabrielle re: the urge to kill
THE PRICE

"I used to wonder what you look like."
Xena to Ares
THE RECKONING
"I used to wonder if I'd ever get home again."
Xena to Gabrielle
THE GREATER GOOD

"Your destiny is to rule the world with me."
Ares to Xena
THE RECKONING
"My destiny is to rule the world."
Julius Caesar to Xena
DESTINY
"Your destiny lies at the point of my sword."
Joxer to King Lynaeus
FOR HIM THE BELL TOLLS
"He'll find justice at the end of my sword."
Toris to Xena re: Cortese
DEAT MASK

"She's a murderer. She's a killer."
Tynus to Darius re: Xena
CHARIOTS OF WAR
"She's a murderer. We don't need her help."
David to Gabrielle
GIANT KILLER
"She's the only murderer here."
Peranis to Gabrielle
THE RECKONING
"She's no murderer."
Gabrielle to crowd
THE RECKONING

"Justice will be done."
Benitar to Peranis
THE RECKONING

We belong!What?

Pat Benatar and Benitar are often confused.


"Justice will be served."
Judge Arbus
THE EXECUTION

"Who's this?"
Xena to Gabrielle re: Ophelia
CRADLE OF HOPE
"Who's your friend?"
Xena to Gabrielle re: Tobias
A SOLSTICE CAROL

"This'll have to do until the storm passes."
Xena re: a cave
CRADLE OF HOPE
"That'll do."
Callisto to Xena and Gabrielle re: killing Perdicus
RETURN OF CALLISTO

"Nice dress." (lavender)
Gabrielle to Xena
DREAMWORKER
"Nice outfit." (lavender)
Gabrielle to Xena
WARRIOR ... PRINCESS

"All clear."
Petracles to Xena
A FISTFUL OF DINARS
"The gate is clear."
Executioner to Arbus
THE EXECUTION

"Is that what you wish to do?"
Manus to Gabrielle re: killing him
DREAMWORKER
"Is that what you want?"
Xena to Meleager re: Arbus hounding Gabrielle for setting him free
THE EXECUTION
"It's not about what I want, is it?"
Marcus to Xena
MORTAL BELOVED

"You're smarter than I gave you credit for, innocent."
Manus to Gabrielle
DREAMWORKER
"You're smarter than you look."
Xena to innkeeper
CRADLE OF HOPE
"You're a smart man, Diomedes, and you're half right."
Xena
THE BLACK WOLF

"Give up. You can't defeat me."
Cycnus to Sphaerus
CHARIOTS OF WAR
"You can't defeat me. I'm stronger."
Evil Xena to Xena
DREAMWORKER
"You can't defeat him without me."
Karas to Xena
DEATH IN CHAINS

"We'll make her one of us."
Toxeus re: Xena
DEATH IN CHAINS
"We need to make her one of us."
Atyminius
MORTAL BELOVED

"No choice. I figure I'm safer here."
Little man to Xena re: hiding place
THE EXECUTION
"I had no choice."
Celesta to Sisyphus re: coming to his castle
DEATH IN CHAINS

"We didn't ask for this."
Xena to Gabrielle
THE PRICE
"We don't have a choice."
Gabrielle to Poseidon
LOST MARINER
"My choice was the right one for me."
Xena to Ares
THE RECKONING
"It was the right thing to do."
Xena to Gabrielle
CALLISTO

Xena attempts to use her Callisto standee as a weathervane

Xena is a strong chick.


"They were only doing what they thought was right."
Meleager to Xena re: the villagers
THE EXECUTION

"Now tell me where she is or I'll make your eternity a living hell."
Xena to Sisyphus re: Celesta
DEATH IN CHAINS
"How'd you like to spend eternity in five pieces?"
Xena to Callisto
A NECESSARY EVIL

"We were to be married."
Gabrielle to Xena re: Perdicus
BEWARE GREEKS
"We were to be married once."
Xena to Gabrielle re: Petracles
A FISTFUL OF DINARS

"I'm not leaving you."
Gabrielle to Xena
THE PRICE
"I'm not leaving you, Gabrielle."
Talus
DEATH IN CHAINS

"I should never have let her come."
Talus to Xena re: Gabrielle
DEATH IN CHAINS
"I should never have let her go out there."
Democritus to Xena re: Gabrielle
IS THERE A DOCTOR IN THE HOUSE?

"You lost some weight since I saw you last."
Xena to the cyclops
SINS OF THE PAST
"You look like you've lost some weight."
Xena to Marcus
MORTAL BELOVED

"Everything... every sound, every touch, every smell."
Marcus to Xena
THE PATH NOT TAKEN
"I remember... everything."
Draco to Xena
A COMEDY OF EROS

"What I need is an army to stop Xena before she ruins it for all of us."
Death in Chains - Toxeus
DEATH IN CHAINS
"You've ruined it for all of us."
Zagrius to Xena
A DAY IN THE LIFE

"Xena and I need to talk."
Darius to his children
CHARIOTS OF WAR
"Xerxes wants to speak to you."
Koulos to Xena
THE BLACK WOLF
"I want to talk to you."
Gabrielle to Xena
ORPHAN OF WAR
"I'd like to talk to you."
Gabrielle to Aphrodite
FOR HIM THE BELL TOLLS

"Don't you see that?"
Gabrielle to Cecrops re: Athena gave him hope
LOST MARINER
"Don't you get it?"
Joxer to Gabrielle re: the sidekick thing
FOR HIM THE BELL TOLLS
"You don't get it."
Toris to Xena
DEATH MASK
"You don't get it, do you?"
Xena to Gabrielle re: eyewitnesses
THE RECKONING
"You don't get that concept real well, do you?"
Minya to Xena
A DAY IN THE LIFE
"You really don't get it, do you?"
Melas to Gabrielle
CALLISTO
Miss Artiphys to Miss Amphipolis
HERE SHE COMES ...
"She really doesn't get it, does she?"
Aphrodite to Cupid re: Gabrielle and love
FOR HIM THE BELL TOLLS

Today's script is brought to you by the letter 'L'

Thank goodness Robert Tapert got "it".

"I need you to deliver a message for me."
Helen to Miltiades
BEWARE GREEKS
"I want you to deliver a message to Zagrius."
Xena to Hower
A DAY IN THE LIFE

"I believe that fate is just an excuse for men with no destiny."
Nemos to King Gregor
CRADLE OF HOPE
"Love is a trick nature plays to get us to reproduce."
Callisto to Theodorus
RETURN OF CALLISTO

"What happened to the compassionate man I married?"
Karas to Sisyphus
DEATH IN CHAINS
"What happened to the Xena I know?"
Gabrielle
THE PRICE

"Remember me, Your Highness?"
Talus to Sisyphus
DEATH IN CHAINS
"Remember me. I saved you from that assassin."
Xena to little man
THE EXECUTION

"It's time for you to listen to reason, Sisyphus."
Karas
DEATH IN CHAINS
"It's time to let Death go, Sisyphus."
Xena
DEATH IN CHAINS

"I'm not going to ask you again."
Xena to merchant re: directions
PROMETHEUS
"I'm not going to fight."
Hercules to Xena
PROMETHEUS

"They split up."
Toxeus re: Xena and Gabrielle
DEATH IN CHAINS
"Split. Take your points."
Kirilus to his men
TIES THAT BIND

"You made this far easier than I expected."
Nemos to Xena
CRADLE OF HOPE
"This may be easier than I thought."
Kirilus re: taking care of Xena
TIES THAT BIND

"I'm sorry your sister had to die. But I didn't kill her."
Phantes to Melosa re: Terreis
HOOVES AND HARLOTS
"I regret that I have but one life to give for... for whatever it is I'm giving it for."
Joxer
FOR HIM THE BELL TOLLS

"Water. Water."
Old woman to Gabrielle
DEATH IN CHAINS
"Kaltaka. Kaltaka."
Dying Hordites
THE PRICE

"I don't have time for this."
Gabrielle to Salmoneus
THE BLACK WOLF
"Who doesn't have time for a great deal?"
Salmoneus to Gabrielle
THE BLACK WOLF

"There's something I've been wanting to say to you for a long time."
Xena to Hercules
PROMETHEUS
"There's something I have to tell you, too."
Hercules to Xena
PROMETHEUS

"Well, I don't have anything else."
Xena to Darius re: what to wear
CHARIOTS OF WAR
"What's wrong with my costume?"
Xena to Tesa
WARRIOR ... PRINCESS

When I said your hair was mousy, I meant there was a real mouse
in it

Tesa was at first confused by the antics of Princess Diana, but soon adapted.


"I don't think a dress is going to change your attitude toward me."
Xena to Darius
CHARIOTS OF WAR
"Don't hate me because I'm beautiful."
Xena to Lord Clarion
HERE SHE COMES ...

"Right to it. Shall we?"
Malik to Xena
DEATH MASK
"Snap to it, men."
Cecrops
LOST MARINER

"I want the warrior princess."
Poseidon to Cecrops
LOST MARINER
"I want the woman warrior."
Hyperion to the villagers
THE TITANS
"I want the woman warrior dead."
Hyperion to the Titans
THE TITANS
"I want Gabrielle dead!"
Velasca
A NECESSARY EVIL

"Don't believe everything you hear."
Xena to Hercules
PROMETHEUS
"Don't believe everything you see."
Xena to Argus
THE EXECUTION

"Tell her, there are no hard feelings."
Iolaus to Gabrielle re: Xena
PROMETHEUS
"I want you to know, there's no hard feelings."
Toxeus to Xena
MORTAL BELOVED

"You and Gabrielle had your shot at freedom."
Cecrops to Xena
LOST MARINER
"Take your best shot."
Goliath to Xena
GIANT KILLER
"Go ahead. Give it your best shot."
Xena to Gabrielle
ALTARED STATES
"Go ahead. Take your best shot."
Ares to Smythe
THE XENA SCROLLS

Y0K celebrations

Ares could easily defeat Smythe, but Janice Covington and Mel Pappas were a different story.

"Go ahead. Kill me."
Xena to Ares
TIES THAT BIND
"Go ahead. Murder me just like you murdered my son."
Melas to Xena
CALLISTO

"Go ahead. Run, you coward."
Joxer to Gabrielle
CALLISTO
"Go ahead. I'll just sit here nice and quiet."
Xena to Hesiod
THE TITANS

"Either you let me pass right now or you nurse a broken leg."
Xena to one of the Wolf pack
THE BLACK WOLF
"Then stop staring at me before I take your eyes out."
Xena to Ephiny
HOOVES AND HARLOTS

"If you don't stop kicking her, I'll break your ankles."
Xena to Callisto
CALLISTO
"If you don't stop this, I'll take Joxer on a tour of all your temples."
Gabrielle to Aphrodite
FOR HIM THE BELL TOLLS

"Xena, how do you want to die?"
Kirilus
TIES THAT BIND
"I'll try to make your death as quick and painless as possible."
Aescalus to Xena and Toris
DEATH MASK
"It's not whether you die, it's how you die."
Velasca to Autolycus
THE QUEST
"I don't want my men to die needlessly."
Xena to Mezentius
THE PATH NOT TAKEN
"There's no reason for both of us to risk our lives."
Gabrielle to Talus
DEATH IN CHAINS
"There's no reason for both of us to die."
Palaemon to Xena
BLIND FAITH

"You're like a sister to me."
Xena to Gabrielle
AHTENS CITY ACADEMY
"I can tell you that you were the closest thing I have ever had to a sister."
Xena to Flora
THE BLACK WOLF
"You're the closest thing to a daughter I have ever known."
Meleager to Gabrielle
THE EXECUTION

"Things don't always work out the way you want."
Xena to Toris
DEATH MASK
"You can't always have everything your way."
Cupid to Aphrodite
FOR HIM THE BELL TOLLS

"Why me?"
Xena to Hades re: rescuing Celesta
DEATH IN CHAINS

I'm sorry, I can't close my eyes

Hades might not be smart, but at least he looks good.


"Why you?"
Xena to Gabrielle re: straightening out Hower
A DAY IN THE LIFE

"You're wasting your time with that one Only Death will give him release."
Traveler to Xena
DEATH IN CHAINS
"There's nothing more you can do for him."
Xena to Hippocrates
IS THERE A DOCTOR IN THE HOUSE?
"Those men are dead."
Xena to Gabrielle re: men on the riverbank
THE PRICE

"You're very brave, Gabrielle."
Talus
DEATH IN CHAINS
"You're very intelligent, Gabrielle."
Petracles
A FISTFUL OF DINARS

"There's a pond not far from here."
Talus to Gabrielle
DEATH IN CHAINS
"There's a river just over that ridge."
Hower to Xena
A DAY IN THE LIFE

"I'm not that easy."
Xena to Toxeus
DEATH IN CHAINS
"I'm not easy to kill."
Xena to Tarkis
TIES THAT BIND

"Let me tell you a story."
Gabrielle to Agranon
THE PATH NOT TAKEN
"Great story."
Audience member to Gabrielle
ATHENS CITY ACADEMY
"Doesn't she tell it well?"
Thea to Hyperion re: Gabrielle's storytelling
THE TITANS
"Tell me a story."
Marmax to Gabrielle
IS THERE A DOCTOR IN THE HOUSE?
"Tell me a story, blondie."
Drunk man to Gabrielle in the tavern
CHARIOTS OF WAR
"She knows them by heart and she loves to tell them."
Phantes to Xena re: stories
HOOVES AND HARLOTS
"He tells a great story."
Orion to Gabrielle re: Euripedes
ATHENS CITY ACADEMY
"You tell a great story."
Icus to Gabrielle
ALTARED STATES
"You tell a great escape story."
David to Gabrielle
GIANT KILLER

"Now that you know evil, were evil, you can fight evil."
M'Lila to Xena
DESTINY
"Ah, come on. We've all got that evil spot somewhere."
Xena to King Lias
WARRIOR ... PRINCESS

"Every opponent has its weakness."
Xena to Jonathan and David
THE GIANT KILLER
"My compassion brought death to my door."
Sisyphus to Karas
DEATH IN CHAINS
"My pride may have killed my best friend."
Xena
IS THERE A DOCTOR IN THE HOUSE?

Blowing up the new inflatable Gabrielle, on sale now

Xena invents mouth-to-mouth resuscitation in order to save Gabrielle's life.

"I didn't say you weren't clever."
Kellos to Gabrielle
ATHENS CITY ACADEMY
"I said it was cunning. I didn't say I liked it."
Xena to Cortese
DEATH MASK

"I could have saved her."
Xena to Marcus re: Jana from an arrow
THE PATH NOT TAKEN
"I would have gotten it with my chakram."
Xena to Ulysses re: the arrow meant for Gabrielle
ULYSSES

"Diomedes is in love with you, you know."
Xena to Flora
THE BLACK WOLF
"How long have you been in love with her?"
Xena to Philemon
WARRIOR ... PRINCESS
"Tell Diana you love her."
Xena to Philemon
WARRIOR ... PRINCESS
"Did you tell Diana you love her?"
Diana as Xena to Philemon
WARRIOR ... PRINCESS

"Do you know where Icus is?"
Xena to Gabrielle
ALTARED STATES
"Do you know where Senticles is?"
Gabrielle to Tobias
A SOLSTICE CAROL

"May the gods bless the Mitoans this day."
Marmax
IS THERE A DOCTOR IN THE HOUSE?
"May the gods bless our royal couple."
Apex
BLIND FAITH

"By the gods, Xena."
Gabrielle re: putting the 'pinch' on the Hordite
THE PRICE
"By the gods, she knows something."
Vasculis re: Xena
LOST MARINER
"By the gods, girl, have some compassion."
Vidalis to Gabrielle
BLIND FAITH
"By the gods, you're strong."
Merchant to Xena
DREAMWORKER
"By the gods, you are an animal."
Xena to Arkel
THE ROYAL COUPLE OF THIEVES
"By the gods, you have gotten better."
Draco to Xena
A COMEDY OF EROS
"By the gods, you are beautiful."
Gabrielle to Xena
ALTARED STATES
"By the gods, you are a beauty."
Ares to Xena
THE XENA SCROLLS

They say this works for Michael Jackson, but then where is his
career now?

Who knew that Elvis was really just Ares.

"Your beauty inspires me to do the manliest of deeds."
Joxer to Aphrodite
FOR HIM THE BELL TOLLS
"She's so beautiful."
Gabrielle to Xena re: Princess Diana
WARRIOR ... PRINCESS
"She's beautiful."
Gabrielle to Cecrops re: the bust of Athena
LOST MARINER
"She is beautiful."
Democritus to Hippocrates re: Gabrielle
IS THERE A DOCTOR IN THE HOUSE?
"She's magnificent."
Pinullus re: Gabrielle as an Amazon
A COMEDY OF EROS
"She's perfect."
Manus re: Gabrielle
DREAMWORKER

"I've got some good news for you."
Hesiod to Hyperion and Thea
THE TITANS
"I've got some bad news for you. You're not a warrior."
Gabrielle to Joxer
CALLISTO
"I've got nothin' but bad news."
Xena to tribesman
DESTINY

"What do you want?"
Deiphobus to Xena
BEWARE GREEKS
"What do you want from me?"
Helen to Paris
BEWARE GREEKS
"What do you want from us?"
Mel to Ares
THE XENA SCROLLS
"What do you want us to do?"
Xena to Maell
ALTARED STATES

"I'm not here to harm you."
Xena to Elkton
DREAMWORKER
"I am not going to hurt you."
Xena to the little man
THE EXECUTION
"Don't be frightened, Gabrielle. We're not going to hurt you."
Thea
THE TITANS
"Don't be scared. I'm not going to hurt you."
Xena to children
MORTAL BELOVED
"Don't be afraid when I tell you this."
Old woman to Gabrielle
DEATH IN CHAINS

"Is that you?"
Lila to Gabrielle
THE PRODIGAL
"It is you."
Gabrielle to Xena
TEN LITTLE WARLORDS
"It is Xena."
Gabrielle re: Xena being in Autolycus' body
THE QUEST

"It's madness that this young woman was left out of this competition."
Gastacius to judges re: Gabrielle
ATHENS CITY ACADEMY
"That war was madness."
Ulysses to Xena re: Trojan War
ULYSSES

"You, protect her from us?!"
Hyperion to Xena
THE TITANS
"You, stop an entire army? Impossible!"
Andrus to Xena
TIES THAT BIND

"Honey, I'm no princess... I'm a queen."
Miss Artiphys
HERE SHE COMES ...

Is that a pouch full of dinars or are you just happy to see me?

Ms. Artiphys


"I wasn't meant to be a queen, I was meant to be a god."
Velasca
THE QUEST

"Love is the most powerful thing in the universe."
Marcus to Xena
MORTAL BELOVED
"I thought love was the most powerful thing in the world."
Gabrielle to Xena
RETURN OF CALLISTO
"When it's right, love can be the most potent force in the world."
Gabrielle to Xena
A COMEDY OF EROS

"Sorry for the interruption."
Warlord to Xena as Callisto and Ares
TEN LITTLE WARLORDS
"Sorry to interrupt."
Salmoneus to Miss Mesini
HERE SHE COMES ...

"What's the point?"
Xena to Gabrielle
CHARIOTS OF WAR
"The point being that this is a very good man."
Gabrielle to the court re: Meleager
THE EXECUTION
"Alright, you've made your point."
Xena to Maell
ALTARED STATES
"You're missing my point."
Xena to Goliath
GIANT KILLER
"And, you're missing my point."
Goliath to Xena
GIANT KILLER
"You missed the point."
Ares to Xena as Callisto re: characteristics of a god
TEN LITTLE WARLORDS
"Is there a point to your visit?"
Janice to Jacques S'Er
THE XENA SCROLLS
"I make it a point to know my enemies."
Melosa to Phantes
HOOVES AND HARLOTS
"The point is, I don't fit in, here."
Gabrielle to Xena
SINS OF THE PAST
"The point is you did not cross that line."
Xena to Gabrielle re: killing
DREAMWORKER
"The point is... we're friends."
Xena to Gabrielle
THE TITANS
"The point is ... everything I do will be for you."
Draco to Gabrielle
A COMEDY OF EROS
"That's the point."
Sisyphus to Celesta re: her fames going out
DEATH IN CHAINS

"Don't confuse defending yourself with using a weapon."
Xena to Gabrielle
DREAMWORKER
"Don't confuse nobility with anger and revenge."
Xena to Solon
ORPHAN OF WAR

"See you soon."
Gabrielle to Xena
TIES THAT BIND
"See you guys."
Meleager to Xena and Gabrielle
THE EXECUTION

"There's nothing there, honey."
Darius to Sarita
CHARIOTS OF WAR
"There's nothing in it."
Xena to Gabrielle re: Pandora's box
CRADLE OF HOPE
"It's nothing. Absolutely nothing."
Thersites re: at the cave
A FISTFUL OF DINARS
"There's nothing. Absolutely nothing."
Mercer to Xena re: the Horde
THE PRICE

"Rest now. Morpheus requires a second challenge, soon."
Manus to Gabrielle
DREAMWORKER

Early Dahak duds

Morpheus needs to find better help.


"Then you should rest here."
Gabrielle to Iolaus
PROMETHEUS
"Get some rest."
Paris to Helen
BEWARE GREEKS
"It's better if you could get some rest."
Gabrielle to Xena as the bride-to-be
MORTAL BELOVED
"Why don't you lay down and close your eyes."
Gabrielle to Melas
CALLISTO

"Don't you argue with me."
Callisto to Xena
RETURN OF CALLISTO
"Don't argue with me."
Xena to Gabrielle
THE PRICE

"I fought the Centaurs a long time ago."
Xena to Gabrielle
ORPHAN OF WAR
"I fought them. I never defeated them"
Xena to Gabrielle
HOOVES AND HARLOTS

"Come with me now."
Xena to Marcus
THE PATH NOT TAKEN
"Join me."
Evil Xena to Xena
DREAMWORKER
"Come join me. We'll kill them all."
Atrius to Xena
TIES THAT BIND
"Join me, or die."
Ares to Xena
TIES THAT BIND

"Ask anything of me, and it's yours."
Agranon to Xena
THE PATH NOT TAKEN
"I ask you for one more act of kindness."
Talus to Sisyphus
DEATH IN CHAINS
"I am asking you not to talk to him."
Xena to Gabrielle
A FISTFUL OF DINARS
"I am asking you to trust me."
Gabrielle to Xena
A FISTFUL OF DINARS
"I'm asking you to give me time."
Xena to Tyldus
HOOVES AND HARLOTS
"I'm asking you from my heart."
Xena as Princess Diana to Philemon re: finding and bringing Xena back to the castle
WARRIOR ... PRINCESS
"All I'm asking is for you to give Marcus his life back."
Xena to Hades
MORTAL BELOVED
"All I'm asking is that you spare your son's life."
Xena to Anteus
ALTARED STATES
"I am asking you to have faith in me."
Xena to Philemon
WARRIOR ... PRINCESS ... TRAMP
"I asked for the head of Calicus."
Marleus to Thersites
A FISTFUL OF DINARS
"I asked her to marry me because I thought that was the best way to conquer her."
Petracles to Gabrielle
A FISTFUL OF DINARS

"She's going to wipe the ground with you."
Gabrielle to Callisto re: Xena
CALLISTO
"My contestant is going to wipe the floor with all of you."
Gabrielle to the sponsors
HERE SHE COMES ...

"You sent urgent word for us to see some under-dressed, over-developed bimbos in a beauty contest?!"
Xena to Salmoneus
HERE SHE COMES ...
"All his message said was come quick."
Gabrielle to Xena re: Meleager
THE EXECUTION

"We don't need it here, anymore."
Xena to Gabrielle re: ambrosia
A FISTFUL OF DINARS
"There's no room in this world anymore for you, Ares."
Xena
THE XENA SCROLLS

Just informed he has no slice of the merchandising

It's yet another bad day for Ares in THE XENA SCROLLS.

"You shouldn't fear it."
Talus to Sisyphus re: death
DEATH IN CHAINS
"You shouldn't fear using the blade to protect yourself."
Manus to Gabrielle
DREAMWORKER
"Don't fear the truth, face it."
Quote on chest
THE ROYAL COUPLE OF THIEVES

"You don't understand. If I let her go, I will die."
Sisyphus to Talus
DEATH IN CHAINS
"You... don't understand the danger! This is a boat.. in water."
Gabrielle to Cecrops
LOST MARINER

"I've seen you kill, Xena. What's the difference?"
Toris
DEATH MASK
"What do you know? You've killed so many."
Xena to Marmax
IS THERE A DOCTOR IN THE HOUSE?

"I'm going to get Diana."
King Lias to Xena
WARRIOR ... PRINCESS
"I'm going to get my son."
Xena to Gabrielle
ORPHAN OF WAR
"I'm going to Ampus to get my daughter."
King Barus
FOR HIM THE BELL TOLLS

"You worthless slag."
Mezentius to Gabrielle
REMEMBER NOTHING
"A despicable slag like you should find it an honor to work with a man like me."
Agis to Meg
WARRIOR ... PRINCESS ... TRAMP

"You're not falling for me, are you?"
Callisto to Theodorus
RETURN OF CALLISTO
"You're not falling for her, are you?"
Xena to Joxer re: Meg
WARRIOR ... PRINCESS ... TRAMP

"Mercy."
Meg to Gabrielle
WARRIOR ... PRINCESS ... TRAMP
"Have mercy on an old man."
King Silvus to Xena
A SOLSTICE CAROL
"There is no goddess of mercy."
Gabrielle to soldier
THE PRICE
"Watch your friend die with all your hopes."
Hyperion to Xena
THE TITANS

"Your little friend's about to journey to the other side."
Apex to Xena
BLIND FAITH
"You're about to watch the friendship of your life go up in smoke."
Callisto to Xena
RETURN OF CALLISTO
"I'm wrecking one of the great friendships.
Joxer to Meg
WARRIOR ... PRINCESS ... TRAMP

"This box is the most important thing in my life."
Pandora
CRADLE OF HOPE
"This chest is too important to my friends."
Xena to Autolycus
THE ROYAL COUPLE OF THIEVES

"I wasn't going to kill anyone. I was just bluffing."
Petracles to Gabrielle
A FISTFUL OF DINARS
"She's bluffing."
Kalus re: Gabrielle
THE GREATER GOOD
"I called your bluff."
Palaemon to Xena
BLIND FAITH
"I just called your bluff."
Xena to Marcus
THE PATH NOT TAKEN

That'll teach the cable guy to show up on time

Never call Janice Covington's bluff. It could be painful..

"I've got work to do."
Innkeeper to Xena
CRADLE OF HOPE

"We've got work to do."
Xena to Gabrielle
THE TITANS
"Let's get to work."
Xena to Autolycus
THE ROYAL COUPLE OF THIEVES
"Get to work."
Gabrielle to Salmoneus
THE GREATER GOOD
"Get back to work."
Xena to Gabrielle
THE PRICE

"That was very kind of you."
Lucy re: Rosie not asking her to wear the costume
INTERVIEW ON THE ROSIE O'DONNELL SHOW (8-16-96)
"That's very kind of you to say."
Xena to Lord Clarion re: staking his life she'd be declared the winner
HERE SHE COMES ...

"Mistakes get made."
Xena to Arbus
THE EXECUTION
"I guess we all make mistakes."
Xena to Marmax
IS THERE A DOCTOR IN THE HOUSE?
"Meleager made his mistakes, drunk and sober."
Xena to Gabrielle
THE EXECUTION
"Even judges make mistakes."
Xena to Meleager
THE EXECUTION
"There's been some kind of mistake."
Gabrielle re: Talus going with Celesta
DEATH IN CHAINS
"It was all a mistake."
Ileandra to King Lynaeus and Sarpedon
FOR HIM THE BELL TOLLS
"You made a big mistake."
Gabrielle to Vidalis re: her marrying the king
BLIND FAITH

"It's just a terrible misunderstanding."
Gabrielle to Agranon
THE PATH NOT TAKEN
"This is a terrible misunderstanding."
Gabrielle to Judge Arbus
THE EXECUTION

"Are you happy?"
Polonius to Orion
ATHENS CITY ACADEMY
"That make you happy?"
Perdicus to Gabrielle
RETURN OF CALLISTO

"Why are you following me?"
SINS OF THE PAST
HOOVES AND HARLOTS
INTIMATE STRANGER
"Why did you have to follow me?"
Toris to Xena
DEATH MASK

"He's fighting for the wrong side."
Xena re: Goliath
GIANT KILLER
"The giant that killed his family is heading for the wrong village."
Xena to Gabrielle re: Gareth
A DAY IN THE LIFE

"Xena, I'm here."
Gabrielle
LOST MARINER
"I'm here, Goliath."
Xena
GIANT KILLER
"You're here. It wasn't my idea."
Gabrielle to Callisto
RETURN OF CALLISTO

"But you can end this."
Xena to Cecrops
LOST MARINER
"It ends here."
Xena to Callisto
A NECESSARY EVIL
"It's going to end here."
Cecrops to Xena
LOST MARINER
"It ends when we are joined."
Agranon to Jana re: the feud
THE PATH NOT TAKEN
"There's only one way to end this cycle of hatred and it's through love and forgiveness."
Gabrielle to Xena
CALLISTO

Gabrielle removes a bug that just flew into Xena's eye

Gabrielle is pro-love.


"Then break the cycle, Cecrops. You didn't start this."
Xena
LOST MARINER

"I don't work for nations, I don't work for money, and I won't work for you."
Xena to Agranon
THE PATH NOT TAKEN
"I am not a hired sword at the disposal of those who can afford to pay."
Xena to King Lias
WARRIOR ... PRINCESS
"I reserve my help for those who need it."
Xena to Dagon
GIANT KILLER

"One of us ain't leaving this place alive."
Zagrius to Xena
A DAY IN THE LIFE
"One of us is going to die."
Callisto as Xena to Xena as Callisto
RETURN OF CALLISTO
"I knew one of us had to die."
Xena to Gabrielle re: the Hordite
THE PRICE

"You two coming?"
Xena to Gabrielle and Iolaus
PROMETHEUS
"Come on, you two."
Xena to Gabrielle and Iolaus
PROMETHEUS
"What are you two doing back there?"
Xena to Gabrielle and Joxer
GIRLS JUST WANNA HAVE FUN

"Do you realize what this means?"
Celesta to Sisyphus
DEATH IN CHAINS
"Don't you realize the pain you've caused?"
Xena to Sisyphus
DEATH IN CHAINS
"Don't you realize what you've done?"
Helen to Deiphobus
BEWARE GREEKS

"It's time for you to move on."
Ares to Kirilus
TIES THAT BIND
"But it's time she moved on."
Xena re: Miss Amphipolis
HERE SHE COMES ...
"I was leaving anyway."
Xena to townspeople
SINS OF THE PAST
"It's time for me to move on."
Xena to Darius
CHARIOTS OF WAR

"I killed Xena, Warrior Princess."
One of the three assassins
PROMETHEUS
"Who killed Xena? I killed her!"
Talmadeus
THE GREATER GOOD
"I want to be known as the man who killed Xena in a fair fight."
Palaemon
BLIND FAITH
"He wanted to be known as the man who killed Xena."
Xena to Gabrielle re: Toxeus
DEATH IN CHAINS

"It's a war, Gabrielle."
Xena
IS THERE A DOCTOR IN THE HOUSE?
"This is war! What did you expect, glamour?"
Xena to Gabrielle
THE PRICE

I -- I -- I said you looked 'phat', not 'fat'!

Xena channels her inner Nazi in THE PRICE.


"I have to save this girl and stop a war."
Xena to Marcus
THE PATH NOT TAKEN
"I have to find a place for Ephiny to have her baby, and then I am going to stop a war."
Xena to Gabrielle
IS THERE A DOCTOR IN THE HOUSE?
"We're here to stop a war."
Xena to Gabrielle
HERE SHE COMES ...

"I was getting tired of this game, anyway."
Xena to Gabrielle
THE ROYAL COUPLE OF THIEVES
"This life is beginning to bore me."
Xena to Julius Caesar
DESTINY

"Do something!"
Gabrielle to Joxer
CALLISTO
"What are you doing? Go after them!"
Gabrielle to Aescalus
DEATH MASK

"Didn't your mother ever tell you it's not nice to turn your back on a lady?"
Xena to group leader preparing to hang Pandora
CRADLE OF HOPE

"Didn't your mother ever tell you not to stare?"
Xena to Zealot chasing Icus
ALTARED STATES
"Didn't your mother ever tell you not to hit a man when he's down?"
Xena to Pinullus
A COMEDY OF EROS
"Didn't anybody ever tell you it's rude to leave before the cake's cut?"
Xena to Glauce
WARRIOR ... PRINCESS

"You've just made a serious mistake."
Joxer to Gabrielle
CALLISTO
"You've just made an enemy."
Thug to Gabrielle
THE QUEST
"You've just met you greatest enemy."
Solon to Xena
ORPHAN OF WAR
"You've met your match."
King Lynaeus to Joxer
FOR HIM THE BELL TOLLS

"A deal's a deal."
Draco
SINS OF THE PAST
"Business is business."
Talmadeus to Salmoneus
THE GREATER GOOD
"An execution is an execution."
Assistant to Xena re: Meleager
THE EXECUTION

"Don't start with me, now."
Autolycus to Xena
THE ROYAL COUPLE OF THIEVES
"Don't start with me."
Cecrops to Xena
LOST MARINER

"Argo's fed?"
Gabrielle to Xena
DEATH MASK
"Argo is fed and watered and so brushed she shines."
Xena to Gabrielle
THE EXECUTION

Why we need horse nose guards

Argo


"I'm going to rip you apart with my bare hands."
Joxer to Gabrielle
CALLISTO
"I'm going to cut her open and watch her bleed."
Gabrielle to Xena
RETURN OF CALLISTO
"You hurt my friend, and I will rip your throat out."
Xena to Petracles
A FISTFUL OF DINARS
"Joxer, it pains me to tell you that all day long I have fantasized about ripping your heart out!"
Gabrielle
TEN LITTLE WARLORDS
"I'm gonna rip your wings off and mash your little body to paste."
Joxer re: a fly
TEN LITTLE WARLORDS

"How do we know you're the real Xena?"
Gabrielle
WARRIOR ... PRINCESS ... TRAMP
"How do I know you're Xena?"
Gabrielle to Xena as Callisto
INTIMATE STRANGER
"Prove to me that you're Xena."
Joxer
INTIMATE STRANGER
"How do I know you're not an assassin?"
Senticles to Xena
A SOLSTICE CAROL
"How do I know you're really a Fate?"
King Silvus to 1st Fate
A SOLSTICE CAROL
"How do you know she's a runaway?"
Xena to Caesar
DESTINY
"How do you know there really is a giant?"
Xena to Hower
A DAY IN THE LIFE
"How do I know you haven't taken the job yourself?"
The little man to Xena re: her killing him
THE EXECUTION
"How are we going to prove this to Judge Arbus?"
Gabrielle to Xena re: Meleager's innocence
THE EXECUTION

"Meleager, don't move!"
Xena
THE EXECUTION
"Don't move!"
Gabrielle to Xena as Callisto
INTIMATE STRANGER
"Don't even move."
Janice to Jacques S'Er
THE XENA SCROLLS
"Don't make a move."
Xena to stowaway (M'Lila)
DESTINY

I wonder if MS-NBC is hiring?

M'Lilla, the Gallic Slave



"Don't you take another step."
Xena to Iolaus
PROMETHEUS

(Continued next page)



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