Introduction (01)
Vivian's Head (02-155)
Vivian's Stories
Acknowledgments
Articles
Biography

Introduction

^[01] I do not need to say much about this bard, the name says it all. If you have read the other interviews, she is listed by many as the writer of some of the most moving fan fiction ever.

Gabrielle was severely bitten by the writing bug.

Vivian's Head

AMY MURPHY:
^[02] Why did you start writing?

VIVIAN DARKBLOOM:
^[03] It was better than doing community service.

MURPHY:
^[04] If you had to do it all over, would you be a bard? Would you write?

DARKBLOOM:
^[05] I think so. By and large, being a bard has been a very positive experience for me. I have met and corresponded with many really cool and smart people.

MURPHY:
^[06] Give us a brief day in the life of Vivian.

DARKBLOOM:
^[07] Wake up. Coffee. Subway. Work. More subway. Food. Music. Maybe Sex. Maybe Writing. Cleaning the Litterbox. Sleep.

MURPHY:
^[08] How do you handle stress?

DARKBLOOM:
^[09] Badly.

MURPHY:
^[10] What is your pet peeve?

DARKBLOOM:
^[11] Republicans.

MURPHY:
^[12] Who is Vivian?

DARKBLOOM:
^[13] A housewife in Hackensack with three kids, a Subaru, and a yen to drive through Paris in a sportscar with the warm wind in her hair.

MURPHY:
^[14] If you could cure one disease, what would it?

DARKBLOOM:
^[15] AIDS.

MURPHY:
^[16] What is the most sensitive part on your body?

DARKBLOOM:
^[17] My wrists.

MURPHY:
^[18] What do you see yourself doing in the future? Future projects?

DARKBLOOM:
^[19] Hopefully writing, both fan fiction and some original projects.

MURPHY:
^[20] How do you handle depression?

DARKBLOOM:
^[21] See "How do you handle stress?"

MURPHY:
^[22] What was the hardest thing you ever did?

DARKBLOOM:
^[23] Coming out as an ABBA fan.

MURPHY:
^[24] What was the easiest?

DARKBLOOM:
^[25] Telling my cat to go to h*ll.

MURPHY:
^[26] What advice can you give to future writers?

DARKBLOOM:
^[27] Be patient with yourself, keep trying despite setbacks, and be receptive and open to criticism.

MURPHY:
^[28] What has the show Xena meant to you?

DARKBLOOM:
^[29] It's hard to sum up in a neat and tidy answer how it has affected me. I am only just beginning to realize the influence that the show has had upon my life and my writing. I know, I'm lame.

MURPHY:
^[30] How do you feel about its end?

DARKBLOOM:
^[31] I can no longer listen to my favorite U2 song--"Lady with the Spinning Head"—without wincing.

MURPHY:
^[32] What would you say every writer needs?

DARKBLOOM:
^[33] Belief, good reference books, honest readers, and a supportive spouse.

MURPHY:
^[34] Do you believe in prayer?

DARKBLOOM:
^[35] Only if I'm on a plane.

MURPHY:
^[36] How do you feel about subtext?

DARKBLOOM:
^[37] It makes the Xenaverse go 'round.

MURPHY:
^[38] What makes your best friend your best friend?

DARKBLOOM:
^[39] Her iconoclastic way of thinking.

MURPHY:
^[40] Have you ever experienced someone else reading one of your stories aloud in the public?

DARKBLOOM:
^[41] I never experienced it, and I can't imagine what I would feel. Most likely both thrilled and freaked out.

MURPHY:
^[42] What's the most romantic thing anyone has done for you?

DARKBLOOM:
^[43] Written a love poem using phrases in ancient Greek. Not that I could understand it, but...it impressed me.

MURPHY:
^[44] What theme would you like to tackle in your next work?

DARKBLOOM:
^[45] That's tough...I'm still investigating the old themes. I would like to play more with form and try to do a narrative that is less linear.

MURPHY:
^[46] What was the last thing that made you smile recently?

DARKBLOOM:
^[47] Reading Creme Brulee's site.

MURPHY:
^[48] What made you angry?

DARKBLOOM:
^[49] Destruction of the rainforest. (Those poor homeless orangutans!)

MURPHY:
^[50] You now have absolute authority over the world. Omnipotent in all areas. What's your first move?

DARKBLOOM:
^[51] Sarah Jessica Parker banned to France for crimes against fashion.

MURPHY:
^[52] Do you have stalkers?

DARKBLOOM:
^[53] No, unless you count my girlfriend and the bodies in the backyard. So if you have ideas about stalking me...don't.

MURPHY:
^[54] What stupid thing did you do as a teen?

DARKBLOOM:
^[55] Go to school.

MURPHY:
^[56] What, if anything, can stop you writing, if only for a while?

DARKBLOOM:
^[57] If I start obsessing that it's not good enough. Or a personal problem/crisis.

MURPHY:
^[58] In your opinion, do you fit your astrological sign?

DARKBLOOM:
^[59] Very much so. I'm a Libra.

MURPHY:
^[60] What to you is the worst feeling in the world?

DARKBLOOM:
^[61] That "not-so-fresh" feeling.

MURPHY:
^[62] The best feeling in the world?

DARKBLOOM:
^[63] Realizing that I don't have to go to work the next day.

MURPHY:
^[64] Favorite song of the moment?

DARKBLOOM:
^[65] "Don't Need a Reason" by Beth Orton and the first 3 songs from Natacha Atlas's latest CD, "The Remix Collection."

MURPHY:
^[66] What is the first thing you think of in the morning?

DARKBLOOM:
^[67] "What is Cher doing?"

MURPHY:
^[68] Is there one part of the writing process where you usually get stuck?

DARKBLOOM:
^[69] Sometimes in a story I reach a point where I must commit to a certain plot line or course of action, and I can get so overwhelmed by the all the potential outcomes and permutations of the plot that I don't know which direction to go in.

MURPHY:
^[70] What have you tried to change that, successful or not?

DARKBLOOM:
^[71] I try to do a timeline or story outline beforehand, to help me keep to a certain order of events, but I'm bad and I don't listen to myself, and will change things if instinct tells me to or if I think it's boring.

MURPHY:
^[72] Does the best writing flow for you, or does it come from rewrites?

DARKBLOOM:
^[73] Usually from rewrites, although in one case, Venezia, it flowed very fast and easy.

MURPHY:
^[74] Which part of writing do you enjoy most?

DARKBLOOM:
^[75] I like doing initial rewrites from my earliest drafts, where I get to link scenes together. It's exciting to me because then I can finally begin to see the shape of the piece—its strengths and weaknesses--and usually I have an "ah-hah" moment where everything falls together, which makes subsequent rewrites easier.

DARKBLOOM:
^[76] Sometimes the final rewrites can be the hardest, because it involves such fine tuning and honing that your inner ear needs to be pitch- perfect (or as close as you can manage!) in order to find the right combination of words.

MURPHY:
^[77] How often do you think about a piece when you're working on it and when do you think about it?

DARKBLOOM:
^[78] If it's a dramatic piece, I usually think about it obsessively, especially when I'm doing something mindless, like washing dishes or sorting laundry.

MURPHY:
^[79] Do you feel in control of your writing, or do you get carried away by your inspiration or characters?

DARKBLOOM:
^[80] I don't think you can control either inspiration or characters, but you can control the actual writing to a certain extent. So usually I feel in control of the act of writing, but not necessarily the thoughts that lead me to perform it.

MURPHY:
^[81] Tell the truth—are you your favorite writer, or in your own top five? Why or why not?

DARKBLOOM:
^[82] I am not my favorite writer, nor in the top five. I'm too close to my writing to have any objective perspective on it. Familiarity really does breed contempt in this case.

MURPHY:
^[83] Would the world be a better place if women ran it or would it be basically the same?

DARKBLOOM:
^[84] I think initially that it would be a better place, but inevitably power corrupts people in a ruling class, regardless of gender.

MURPHY:
^[85] What is your favorite spot where you live now?

DARKBLOOM:
^[86] My backyard (despite the dead bodies) and The Cloisters.

MURPHY:
^[87] What books are you reading now? What about it/them is holding your attention?

DARKBLOOM:
^[88] This answer will send me spiraling into the depths of pretentious twatdom: Mysteries of the Kabbalah, and volume V of Proust's In Search of Lost Time (A la recherche du temps perdu). The Kabbalah book is actually quite heady, and I'm not making a lot of progress with it. The Proust is wonderful, but must be savored slowly and taken in small doses, like very rich chocolate.

MURPHY:
^[89] What would your friends say is your worst trait?

DARKBLOOM:
^[90] That I'm indecisive.

MURPHY:
^[91] Do you type with your fingers on the right keys?

DARKBLOOM:
^[92] Yes.

MURPHY:
^[93] If you find a spider in the bathtub, do you help it out or squish it?

DARKBLOOM:
^[94] Squish it.

MURPHY:
^[95] What was the last thing you bought that you really didn't need?

DARKBLOOM:
^[96] The new CD by Air.

MURPHY:
^[97] Have you ever smoked cigarettes?—explain.

DARKBLOOM:
^[98] Yes, mostly while in college, because I thought it was cool. I recently smoked a clove cigarette just to see what it tasted like. Bleah.

MURPHY:
^[99] Why do fools fall in love?

DARKBLOOM:
^[100] So that we have something trashy to read and write about.

MURPHY:
^[101] Do you keep a diary and if so what do you call it? If so, what effect has it had on your writing?

DARKBLOOM:
^[102] I don't have a diary. I do keep sort of a common book, where I write first drafts of stories, quotes/passages from other sources, stray ideas, and other things that may inspire me or strike me.

MURPHY:
^[103] How has online writing affected your life and how you see yourself, your goals?

DARKBLOOM:
^[104] I think I have grown as a writer--I've become better. Online writing has been a sort of apprenticeship for me, and I feel better prepared to tackle original ideas and themes, and to think more seriously about being published. In a way I feel more "legitimate" as a writer now, more so than I ever have. Perhaps that's because people are actually reading my work.

MURPHY:
^[105] What skill would you like to have that you don't have now?

DARKBLOOM:
^[106] I'd like to sing or play a musical instrument.

MURPHY:
^[107] What fan fiction story touched you so much that you still remember it vividly?

DARKBLOOM:
^[108] This one—"Beyond and Forever" by Pallas. It's really powerful and heartwrenching without being schmaltzy and overly sentimental.

MURPHY:
^[109] If you could only choose a single climate with no variation would you prefer it to be sweltering hot or freezing cold?

DARKBLOOM:
^[110] Cold. I look nice in v-neck sweaters.

MURPHY:
^[111] What is the first thing you notice about someone when you meet them?

DARKBLOOM:
^[112] The eyes.

MURPHY:
^[113] Have you ever done something that accidentally caused something really bad to happen to someone?

DARKBLOOM:
^[114] I'm sure I have, but I don't remember what it was.

MURPHY:
^[115] How is $25 well spent?

DARKBLOOM:
^[116] Toward the purchase of good champagne.

MURPHY:
^[117] Would you rather live in a sociable suburb, or alone in the deep woods?

DARKBLOOM:
^[118] In the woods.

MURPHY:
^[119] What literary character did you most identify with as a child?

DARKBLOOM:
^[120] Linus in "Peanuts"—hapless, precocious, neurotic.

MURPHY:
^[121] What is the source of your inspiration?

DARKBLOOM:
^[122] Poland Spring.

MURPHY:
^[123] Where do your ideas come from?

DARKBLOOM:
^[124] They asked me this in therapy, and I couldn't come up with an answer then either.

MURPHY:
^[125] What do you find most satisfying about your job?

DARKBLOOM:
^[126] That it's low-stress and I can wear shorts to work.

MURPHY:
^[127] What are the three things you enjoy most about writing?

DARKBLOOM:
^[128] That I can get so lost in it that I forget myself.
That I get to play god with every aspect of the story.
When people "get it"—when they understand what I'm doing, when they respond to my writing.

MURPHY:
^[129] What were your favorite book, TV show, and movie when you were a teenager and what do you think of them now?

DARKBLOOM:
^[130] I liked the original Star Trek a lot...it does share that melodrama/camp factor with Xena: Warrior Princess...hmmm. It's still fun to watch.

^[131] I honestly don't remember having a favorite movie or book when I was a teenager.

MURPHY:
^[132] What's your idea of a perfect world?

DARKBLOOM:
^[133] One where ice cream is good for you.

MURPHY:
^[134] How real is your fiction to you?

DARKBLOOM:
^[135] I've had dreams about Janice Covington. It disturbs me.

MURPHY:
^[136] Whom do you read for inspiration?

DARKBLOOM:
^[137] Robert Bresson's Notes from a Cinematographer.

MURPHY:
^[138] What's your favorite website?

DARKBLOOM:
^[139] Salon and Betty Bowers.

MURPHY:
^[140] When you were a kid what did you want to be when you grew up?

DARKBLOOM:
^[141] A mortician, a carpenter, a baseball player.

MURPHY:
^[142] What are the limits in sacrifices for true love?

DARKBLOOM:
^[143] Intentionally hurting yourself and others.

MURPHY:
^[144] If you could interview your favorite author, what questions would you ask? And, WHY?

DARKBLOOM:
^[145] I consider Vladimir Nabokov to be my favorite author. I wouldn't want to interview him, though, because I would be too overwhelmed to be in his presence that I wouldn't know what to ask. And besides, "he's dead!"

MURPHY:
^[146] What makes a great kisser?

DARKBLOOM:
^[147] A certain look of intent, confidence, and desire present in the eyes just before the kiss.

MURPHY:
^[148] What have you learned from your animals?

DARKBLOOM:
^[149] That p**p on one's *ss is actually quite a serious dilemma.

MURPHY:
^[150] What is your motto?

DARKBLOOM:
^[151] Never say never.

MURPHY:
^[152] What do you think we take too seriously as writers?

DARKBLOOM:
^[153] Interviews? (ducking)

MURPHY:
^[154] What questions should I have asked? Then answer them.

DARKBLOOM:
^[155] Question: Viv, is Satan really a lesbian? Answer: Hello—look at those hooves. You call that sensible footwear?

Vivian Darkbloom's Stories

Vivian's website
Vivian's e-mail
Vivian's stories with summaries are here.
Mel and Janice Tales
White Trash Series
Darkbloomiana
Story Notes

All The Colors Of The World
This was the first fan fiction story I wrote. I rewrote it recently because I thought it sucked. I still think it kind of sucks, but it sucks less now. Of course, since the rewrite I've been getting emails from people saying they like the first version better, so what the h*ll do I know? (The first version of the story is still online, over in the fan fiction archive at Tom's Xena Page). The title was inspired by a Sam Phillips song, "Where the Colors Don't Go". Sam Phillips is God! The "Hail to the Queen, Baby" was inspired by a line in that Sam Raimi classic, Army of Darkness. By accident I put Mel in North Carolina instead of South. I decided to leave her there, because she didn't seem to mind.

The Secret Histories
This is the sequel to "All the Colors of the World." I didn't think I would write a sequel, but the Fedora'd One wasn't through with me yet, and I felt I hadn't done justice to the characters yet. Perhaps I still haven't. Title: Well, when I first came up with it, I was terribly smug and proud of myself, thinking, "Gee, what a cool title! I didn't steal it from a song or anything!" Then after part 1 was posted, I dimly remembered reading a book called The Secret History by Donna Tartt several years ago. So I am not as original as I think I am. Mel's favorite opera is also one of my favorites. Once again, Janice is used as target practice for a trigger-happy Nazi. Poor baby!

Venezia
For the longest time, I professed having no favorites among the stories I've written. But now, I must admit that this one is my favorite. I think one of the reasons is that, for some strange reason, it was surprisingly easy to write. Venice has always occupied my mind as a place of obsession, ever since I saw that movie Don't Look Now when I was an angsty little darkbloom. The movie is based on a story by Daphne du Maurier. It stars Julie Christie and Donald Sutherland. Very cool film, if you ever get a chance to see it.

Coup de Grace (incomplete)

Love And Death In The Trailer Park
The very first White Trash story, in all its pristine glory. It took only a couple hours to bang this out. I didn't think much of the writing (still don't, actually), but thought, "what the hell" and posted it. I had imagined getting perhaps half a dozen emails from people asking me what kind of drugs I was on when I wrote this, and while I did get those half dozen emails, I also got a whole lot more! It was mind-boggling. When I wrote this, I was reading a lot of ubers where the characters all had these fabulously glam occupations: cops, druglords, lawyers, photojournalists, secret agents, detectives, archaeologists, doctors, and so on; they all seemed to be comfortably bourgeois, and in some cases very wealthy. So I wanted to do something that was the antithesis of that, where the life and death decision of the day was whether or not to order a pizza or go to Taco Bell.

Ways To Be Wicked
So I thought, "Okay, I'll just knock out a sequel to "Love and Death in the Trailer Park," then be done with it. "Oh, what a naïve fool! This is number 2 in the series. I nicked the title from an old Lone Justice song. If you don't remember Lone Justice-they were one of those "cowpunk" bands in the 80s; Maria McKee was their singer. I think she did a solo album after the band broke up. About "Smoke on the Water," the song that wakes up Zina: When I was in high school I knew this kid who could play the opening chords of this song on his guitar. It was the only thing he could play. He wanted to buy a banjo so that he could play the opening chords of "Smoke on the Water" on it as well. I tried to dissuade him from this. But then I went away to college and he was left to his own devices. I fear he is still back in my hometown, locked away in a dim room, still trying to master the entire song on the banjo.

Mayonnaise And Its Discontents
Number 3 in the you-know-what series. Somehow, I knew reading Foucault (or was it Freud? I always get the "F" guys mixed up...) would come back to haunt me. Like eating too many Doritos. So this psychic burp of French philosophy (or Kraut psychology) is responsible for the title before you. (Have you ever noticed how all flavors of Doritos taste alike? Nacho Cheese, Cooler Ranch, Sonic Sour Cream, Baja Picante…does it really matter?) Actually, the original title of this was Mayonnaise Wishes, Impala Dreams. As with the All the Colors of the World revision, everyone liked the original better. Which shows that I really don't know what I'm doing. The exchange between Zina and Cyrene, while the latter is lounging on the hood of the Impala, is a takeoff (or ripoff, if you prefer) of a scene between Bubble and Eddy from an episode ("Morocco," I think) of Absolutely Fabulous.

I've Been To Pocatello, But I've Never Been To Me
Number 4! The title, of course, is from that delightfully cheesy song, you know, the one they sing at the beginning of Priscilla, Queen of the Desert. If you aren't familiar with it, consider yourself most fortunate. Lela the Beta really kicked my *ss on this story. It is due to her perseverance and skill that you have a readable story. Plus she threatened to shoot out my teeth if I didn't rewrite the latter half of it. And I hear she is a much better shot than Dr. "Look at Me with My Gatling Gun!" Covington.

Requiem For A B*tch
Number 5. I like to think Hope is in that institution from Girl, Interrupted and that she is fighting with Angelina Jolie over Winona Ryder and that later they will all run around in their underwear singing "Downtown". Obviously this is pure pop psychosis on my part. Paolo of From Hair to Eternity makes a special guest appearance! He insisted on styling his own hair and writing his own dialogue. He also gave Mrs. Hockenberry a lovely perm.

The Stars Fell Down
A small bit of fluff. Mel and Janice make a guest appearance, but the story is actually about Xena and Gabrielle, and the perils of booze, hecklers, and being friends with Autolycus.

From Hair To Eternity (with L.N.James)
Let me tell you a story. A foundling, I was discovered by my adoptive parents, the Duke and Duchess of Darkbloom, during their honeymoon hunting trip to Lapland. The Duke, mistaking me for a hairless albino otter, shot off several of my teeny-tiny toes. However, upon discovering that I was a human-type baby, the Duke felt simply dreadful about it and the Duchess guilt-tripped him into adopting me. (Well, actually, she threatened to withhold her favors from him, and I mean really, what kind of honeymoon would that be?) I grew up in opulence, loved by my parents. My mother taught me the finer things in life: the arts, literature, history, and badminton. My father cultivated in me a talent for making martinis and an appreciation of leggy brunettes. I was quite happy at the ancestral home, when disaster struck. The Duke, who could shoot an olive into a glass at 20 paces, nonetheless possessed no financial sense whatsoever and had tragically mismanaged the family fortune: He had invested everything in New Coke. Does anyone remember New Coke? We were destitute. My mother, ever resourceful, sold her minks and sent me to the docks. After I was arrested in a compromising position with a French sailor ("I sent you to the docks to work, not to solicit!" mummy had cried after bailing me out), I was sent to New York. There I found work as a shoeshine girl in Grand Central Station, and there I was to stay for many a dreary year. One day, while front of my stand, I observed a screaming crowd of girls chasing a beautiful woman across the grand concourse. Soon the police were called and had contained the melee. The woman, cackling triumphantly, headed my way, where she sat down in front of me and, wiggling the toes that stuck out from her sandals, said, "Hey kid, polish my Birkenstocks, will ya?" It was LN James! "Oh my God!" I squealed like the big girl I am. "You're LN James! "The famous bard glared at me from behind her copy of Martha Stewart Living. "No sh*t, Sherlock. Just polish the Birks. And buff my toenails while you're at it too." "Yes, Miss James!" I burbled, and set to work. Now, it is my habit, while I work, to also play the kazoo. I was blowing along merrily (with a technique similar to that used on the French sailor) when suddenly LN James roared, "Good God!" "What is it?" I cried, for LN James' distress is my distress. "That-that music you're playing," she stammered. "It's so haunting, so beautiful. It's just like-Moby." I blushed deeply and stared down at my feet. Well, her feet, actually, since they were right in my face. "Why, thank you, Miss James." Suddenly, LN James sat straight up in her seat. "Kid, with talent like that, you'd make a great bard!" I could not stop the words from coming out of my mouth. "Are you on crack or something?" At this moment, a young woman, whom I could only guess was Miss James' ladyfriend, sauntered over. "LN, honey, the limo's waiting outside. We've got to leave now, we're having cocktails with Melissa and Julie at the Plaza, and you know how Melissa gets when we're late. She'll get depressed and a write a song and she'll make us listen to it!" The woman paused, and looked at LN's toes. "Oh sweetheart, your cuticles have never looked better!" "Just a minute, baby," LN replied smoothly, then turned her attention back to me. "Look, kid," she said, thrusting a finger in my face, "I'm gonna make you a bard, see? You've got what it takes, and any idiot who would embarrass themselves in public by playing a kazoo can stand up to the humiliation of writing fan fiction." She paused thoughtfully. "So let's say you write me an uber, how about it?" "An uber?" I wailed with fear. "Yeah, here, I'll give you the idea: An uber based on Mr. Majestyk, the Charles Bronson movie. Uber Xena is a melon farmer with a past! Uber Gabrielle is a chick with…uh, melons to sell!" At this moment, LN James' companion, aided by the chauffeur and the bodyguards, started dragging away the brilliant bard as she continued to scream her instructions to me. "Make sure Uber Gab has huge melons! Huge f*ck*ng melons! And there has to be a sex scene in the barn! THE DIALOGUE MUST BE BOTH WITTY AND BELIEVABLE! DON'T USE THE PHRASE 'RAVEN-HAIRED'!" The poor dear, she was still shouting as she was thrown into the limo. And so that is how I came to know the great bard, and how we eventually collaborated on From Hair to Eternity. (Actually, we wrote it when we were roommates at Betty Ford, but that's another story.)

A Narcoleptic's Guide To Romance
So I thought, "Wouldn't it be funny to have an uber-Xena who was a narcoleptic? The ultimate control freak, waylaid by this unpredictable condition that makes her totally vulnerable?" HA HA HA HA HA! Then I kept listening to the song "Narcolepsy" by Ben Folds Five which subliminally encouraged me. And thus, here we are. And I'm not laughing now. And you probably aren't either, especially if you've read the d*mn thing. I once had a cab driver named Ulysses Flaubert. No lie.

Acknowledgments

Thanks to the Bardic Circle for a few of the questions. Thanks to Kamouraskan for the beta.

Articles

L. J. Maas and Murphy Wilson [Amy Murphy]. One Step Beyond ... Uber, That Is. WHOOSH #49 (October 2000)

The "Inside the Head of…" series in Whoosh issues #58, 61-

Biography

Amy Murphy
Twenty-nine-year-old Amy Murphy resides in Indiana, and is an avid reader of Xena: Warrior Princess Fan Fiction. If it exists in the Xenaverse, chances are she's read it! Murphy has also tried her hand at writing FF, turning out two very nice pieces that reside on a couple of web sites throughout the Xenaverse.

Favorite episode: IS THERE A DOCTOR IN THE HOUSE
Favorite line: "I have many skills" (various episodes)
First episode seen: THE TITANS (07/107)
Least favorite episode: LYRE, LYRE HEARTS ON FIRE (100/510)