Whoosh! Centaurs Don't Eat Hay!



NEWS GOSSIP RUMORS
#13

By Laura Sue Dean
December 21, 1997


NEWS!
XWP SIGHTINGS!
MERCHANDISE!
CONVENTIONS!
GOSSIP!
RUMORS!
GABRIELLE 3: HELL SEASON
THE RIFT-O-METER
BORING RATINGS STUFF
LETTERS TO LAURA SUE
LAURA SUE NEEDS YOU!




HAPPY HOLIDAYS from NEWS GOSSIP RUMORS!!! Let's hope that Santa has a big, juicy role in his sack to give one talented, aspiring actress... What about you? What do YOU want for Christmas? (Besides new episodes to watch, of course!) I haven't even begun to shop -- who has the time, or money? And those AIRFARES! Jeez, who would have thought it would cost so much to fly to Topeka! Anyway, here is my present to you -- my adoring fans -- enjoy!!!



NEWS!


WE KNEW IT ALL ALONG, BUT NO ONE ASKED! This week's issue of TV GUIDE chose our grrl LUCY as one of the best performers of the year! To read the article, (and interesting note about XWP merchandising) click here or, if you can't read, just look at this picture!

Hey sailor, new in town?

Lucy Lawless from the Dec 13, 1997 TV Guide


I know it's not her best, but we glamorous types do the best we can with inferior photographers!

CHANGING THEIR COLORS AIN'T THE ONLY THING THEY'RE DOING TO CELEBRATE! Perhaps Xena can Battle On! to help increase Pepsi's market share (Coke has 40% to Pepsi's 31%). Start clearing shelf-space in the fridge, 'cause a Pepsi-bottle cap game is coming! Something along the lines of -- "collect the bottle-caps that have these words to spell out the XENA-PHRASE THAT PAYS...." Here are the "suggestions" for winning phrases culled from various online mailing lists:

  • I have many skills
  • Be Nice
  • Here comes trouble
  • Take the village!
  • Kill em all!
  • Lovin' every moment of it
  • Her courage will change the world
  • Battle on Xena
  • Wisdom before weapons
  • Does an Amazon Queen beat a Warrior Princess?
  • Don't even think about it!
  • Fight now, talk later
  • I've just cut off the flow of blood to your brain.
I guess they didn't like "Is that a hickey?".

GOING...GOING....GOING.... Universal Studios Online conducted the first ever online charity auction. A WALK- ON PART on "Xena: The Warrior Princess" including an all-expense paid eleven-day trip to New Zealand. -- The final bid for this was 38,000 dollars!!! To someone in Pittsburgh, PA. Hmmm... Could SAL_FAN be doing more of those "turn five bucks into $50,000" Spam-Scams to finance this latest XWP PURCHASE? (Actually, we should be nice to SAL_FAN, he is one of the rare people mentioned in this column that has not yet complained to my boss about it! And even my boss complains when she's mentioned in it!!! People! Don't they realize PR is never bad???)

FOR THOSE STRUGGLING ACTORS AMONG US who couldn't afford the bidding wars, you can also buy Xena merchandise from the Universal Online Store. Attention Gabby Fans!!! THIS SITE FEATURES THE FIRST EVER XENA LOGO THAT INCLUDES GABRIELLE!

BUT, CENTAURS AND AMAZONS JUST DOESN'T HAVE THE SAME *ZING* AS DUNGEONS & DRAGONS: Simutronics Corp. and Universal Studios Online are teaming to develop an ONLINE MULTIPLAYER GAME based on the HERCULES: THE LEGENDARY JOURNEYS and XENA: WARRIOR PRINCESS series. The game environment will feature the creatures and locations from the TV series, marking the first time a television property has been translated into an online fantasy role-playing game. The game is set to premiere in the second quarter of 1998. Click here for more information.

ROB TAPERT ON SUBTEXT or "A GABZILLION ADORING FOE'S (FRIENDS OF ELLEN) CAN'T BE WRONG!". Rob Tapert was quoted in the Atlanta Journal-Constitution, "We would never say Xena or Gabby is gay. But we are going to milk it for some -- if not all -- of what it's worth. The show isn't about sex, it's about love between two women who are the best of friends. The grown-ups get the subtext, but it goes right over the kids' heads."

AND THIS LITTLE TIDBIT COMES FROM AN ARTICLE titled "Princess of the Xeitgeist. "...Tapert will only say that, "it's a relationship about love -- Xena and Gabrielle are the best of friends and yes, they do love each other." However, he "wouldn't rule out Gabrielle having romantic feelings for another woman other then Xena later on in the series." Oh REALLY? Stanley!!!!!!! You've got some PHONE CALLS to make, pronto!!! (please, please, please!!!!! let me get this part!)



XWP SIGHTINGS


*FINALLY* -- I GOT MY DAILY VARIETY BACK FROM THE POSTMAN. So you all can see the Emmy ad that ran in the Friday, November 7 issue of Daily Variety --just in time for sweeps!


Click on the graphic to go to a readable size!


LET'S HOPE IT WORKS. On a related topic -- what is WITH those Golden Globe nominations? Choosing "Chicago Hope" over XWP for best Drama Series? ICK! And, MUCH WORSE -- Brooke Shields is a best actress nominee for a comedy series? PUHLEEZE! I think its time to straighten these bozos out! Where's ARES when you need him?

"HER COURAGE WILL CHANGE THE WORLD!" On the Metro and New Mexico page of THE ALBUQUERQUE JOURNAL for Friday, November 7, 1997 was published a picture of Randi McGinn, Albuquerque trial attorney, addressing the New Mexico Women's Bar Association in full Xena regalia. She told the assembly "that women no longer need to be 'fairy princesses' -- they are now warriors thanks to the work of such trailblazing female lawyers....." Instead of a sword in her hand while standing at the lectern, Ms. McGinn is wielding a deadly looking (bilious?) green magic marker!!

"HER COURAGE...." PART II: "WOMEN UNLEASH THEIR POWER." NEW YORK, Dec. 16. PRNewswire -- 'Although women are more self-possessed than ever before, many have yet to discover the force of their own power,' said Terri Walsh, personal trainer and owner of Revolution Studio in New York City. 'Fortunately, that is beginning to change.' With the emergence of strong female role models, women are no longer content to sit back and play the victim. One has only to look at the popularity of such shows as ***Xena: The Warrior Princess*** or Buffy: The Vampire Slayer to see that it's the women who are doing the rescuing. With that in mind, she has created a groundbreaking fitness system for women that combines physical power with inner strength. In her book DIVA, Unleash Your Female Power (Berkley; $14.00), Walsh reveals how women can discover the key to their own power and sense of self. Her approach to fitness focuses on the total human being, not just the physical body. It emphasizes female power and mastery in conjunction with fitness, beauty and self-confidence. Not only does it integrate the special needs of the body, but also those of the mind and the spirit." All this reporter can say is, YOU GO, GRRL!



MERCHANDISE


HERE'S ANOTHER LOOK AT SOME MORE XWP MERCHANDISE that'll be coming your way in early 1998. (Looks like Brad Carpenter has been a busy little bee! No WONDER he doesn't return my calls!)

HERCULES & XENA RPG (Role Playing Game) BOXED SET GAME - US$ 30.00

HERCULES & XENA PLAYER'S GUIDE - US$12.00 (Companion book for the above game)

MERLIN HERCULES STICKERS & CARDS - (price per box unknown). Featuring Xena, Hercules, and all your favorite characters from the super-hot TV series. Issued in Australia, this limited card series is now available in America. Each sealed, serial-numbered box contains a total of 600 stickers/cards. 5 stickers & 1 card per pack. 100 packs per box. (Note - these are Trading Cards. Right now LSD is trying to figure out if these are the same Herk trading cards Topps released a couple years ago.)

XENA LIFE-SIZE STAND UP - US$25.00

XENA : WARRIOR / PRINCESS / TRAMP T-SHIRT - US$17.00

GABRIELLE MATTED PHOTO 11"x14" - US$20.00

XENA IN GRASS MATTED PHOTO 11"x14" - US$20.00

XENA, CALLISTO, & GABRIELLE MATTED PHOTO 11"x14" - US$20.00

XENA & ARGO POSTCARD 8"x10" - US$3.00

XENA & GABRIELLE "That's what Friends do..." POSTCARD 4"x6" - US$1.00

XENA BOOKMARKS & WALLET CARDS - US$1.49 bookmark / US$0.99 Wallet Card. Bookmarks measure approx. 6" x 1 1/2". Choose from Callisto ["Be careful. I am in a bad mood."], Gabrielle [not shown], Joxer [not shown], Xena ["Battle On !"], Xena Dreamworker, or Xena ["Don't run. Sometimes you have to stand and fight."]. Wallet cards measure 3 1/2" x 2 1/4". Choose from Ares (Plunder & Pillage Discount Card), Callisto (Dinar & Debit Card), Gabrielle (Bard Code Pledge), Xena (Passport & Kingdom ID ), or Xena (Skills Certification).

XENA COMIC BOOK - XENA AND THE DRAGON"S TEETH #3 of 3 - US$2.95. By Thomas, Teranishi & Montano (Art & Photo Covers)

XENA COMIC BOOK - CALLISTO #1 < of 3 - US$2.95 By Thomas, Teranishi & Montano (Art & Photo Covers)

XENA PC CALENDAR - Daybreak, will be releasing a "Xena Warrior Princess" PC-based Calendar. Look for the calendar to hit mid-December in these stores - CompUSA, Best Buy, Office Depot, Office Max and Computer City to name a few.



CONVENTIONS


NEWS FOR HUDSON FANS: NO Callisto at the Plano Convention. Karl Urban is replacing her. This will be Karl's first Official Creation Convention appearance. Karl was at WarriorCon in September and from what I've heard, he's quite...energetic.

AS I UNDERSTAND IT, after filming one scheduled HERC episode (as a female producer named "Liz"), she was asked to stay for two more. Speculation is that Kevin's illness has put their production schedule WAY behind, and this is a way to keep the cameras rolling, even while Kevin isn't. (Uh oh. Does this mean we'll see a two-parter that has Hercules inhabit Callisto's body?)

MORE HUDSON NEWS. Hudson Leick has also cancelled her appearance at the Boston Con in March 1998, but she is still on for the Burbank Con in mid-January 1998. Apparently Hudson will not be as accessible as she was last year to conventions. That means she's getting some jobs in this very haphazard biz. Maybe in '98 I will be cancelling NGRs?

UPCOMING CONVENTIONS INCLUDE:

  • Karl Urban in Plano, Texas (01/03/98) Creation
  • Lucy Lawless et alia in Burbank, CA (01/17-18/98) Creation
  • Karl Urban in St. Louis, Missouri (02/15/98) Creation
  • Ted Raimi in NYC (02/21/98) Creation
  • Unknown in Boston (03/22/98) Creation

IF YOU ARE ORGANIZING A FAN CONVENTION, FAN FEST, OR WHATEVER, drop Laura Sue a line and I will shamelessly promote the heck out of it, especially if you give me a comp ticket to the event!



GOSSIP!


A LITTLE BIRDIE TOLD LAURA SUE that the script order for the Season 3 episodes already shown was:

  • Episode 2 -- The Deliverer
  • Episode 3 -- Gabrielle's Hope
  • Episode 5 -- The King of Assassins
  • Episode 6 -- The Debt
  • Episode 7 -- The Debt II
  • Episode 8 -- The Dirty Half Dozen

(NOW AS ANY XENITE CAN TELL YOU, THE FURIES and BEEN THERE, DONE THAT were originally scripted for the 2nd Season, so they don't figure into our little speculation)

THE SCRIPT ORDER IS VERY INTERESTING. We have not seen the Season 3 premiere yet. And where is episode 4?

IN VIEW OF HISTORY, it has been boldly suggested that the Season 3 Episode 1 is WARRIOR... PRIESTESS... TRAMP. (Season 2 Episode 1 was WARRIOR... PRINCESS... TRAMP). So then it stands to reason that the missing episode 4 would be MATERNAL INSTINCTS. Which means we are seeing these WAY out of order!

NOW *THAT'S* WHAT I CALL A WEDDING PRESENT -- ROB'S "BITTER SUITE" GIFT TO LUCY: "We're actually doing a full-fledged Xena musical," says Joseph LoDuca, who composes all the music for both Xena and Hercules: The Legendary Journeys. "There's a heavy five- or six-episode plot arc coming up where, at the end of it, Xena and Gabrielle hate each other," the Michigan- based composer explains. "Through a number of events that sort of tie together, Gabrielle essentially has "Rosemary's Baby" -- she gives birth to the devil's daughter. And Xena says, 'Kill the baby.' But she can't." The plot thickens as the baby, named Hope, grows up and commits a shocking murder. When Gabrielle finally realizes that she has to kill her own daughter, it doesn't bode well for her relationship with Xena. "At the beginning of the musical, they're at each other's throats and they fall off a waterfall and wake up in the land of Illusia. And that's where they work out all their stuff, which they do in song. It's the idea of blame and forgiveness, all set to music." The episode, which will air the first week of February, will feature Lawless doing her own vocals. At this point, LoDuca hasn't decided whether or not Renee O'Connor, who plays Gabrielle, will be dubbed or not. But executive producer Robert Tapert is so excited about the episode, which is currently filming, that there's talk of a sequel. "It seems entirely improbable, trying to do it in the context of a TV format and a TV schedule, but it's really coming together," LoDuca adds. "We brought in Jeff Calhoun, who's a big Broadway director and choreographer, and I collaborated with a couple of wonderful lyricists. It's got seven songs. I mean, it's a serious musical." (Hey -- anytime Gabby gets killed, I'd call it serious!)

BUT WHAT'S THE REAL SCARY PART is that Julie Moran on ENTERTAINMENT TONIGHT plays Gabrielle's best friend back in Poteidaia. I can take the rift, Xena and Gabrielle trying to kill each other, and Xena succeeding in song, but this news about Julie is making my blood curdle.

DOCTOR PR TO EMERGENCY, STAT!!!!! OR THAT CRAZY KEV, PART 126! Kevin Sorbo is at it again! Does this guy even HAVE a press agent? Sheesh! Some folks NEVER learn! Actually, I don't know what's worse - the fact that he said these things (again) or that he said them to a CHILDRENS MAGAZINE!

FROM THE DECEMBER ISSUE OF DISNEY ADVENTURES, the last three questions were as follows:

  • Disney Adventures: If Xena met Hercules one on one, who would win?
  • Kevin Sorbo: Hercules. Xena's a mortal woman and he's the strongest man on earth.
  • DA: And if Lucy climbed into the ring?
  • KS: She'd kick my b*tt!
  • DA: Do you really think so?
  • KS: (Laughs, obviously joking) Heck no! I just say it to cover for the producers. No if Lucy and I met one on one I'd probably win.




RUMORS!


WHILE LAURA SUE LOVES A GOOD CONSPIRACY THEORY as much as the next person, she must report that the "Ming-Tien is Alive" theorists are wrong.

MY SOURCES (I could tell ya, then I'd have to kill ya) have uncovered the elusive end page of THE DEBT 2 script:

    ON MING T'IEN

    He sits in stony silence.

    WE MOVE AROUND HIM

    to the side that was away from Gabrielle's POV. We see that the crow hair brooch is stuck deep into his temple. He's very dead. The debt has been repaid.

    FADE OUT

    *THE END*

I'LL BELIEVE IT WHEN I HAVE IT ON TAPE! I'm putting this in the RUMORS section, because even though it's reported in TV GUIDE, we NEVER know with Regis & Kranky Lee. According to the latest TV Guide, (and ROCWEB) the lost Renee interview will FINALLY be shown Tuesday the 23rd. Check your local listings.

CROSS YOUR FINGERS!!!! I finally got my copy of VARIETY back from the postman -- and then I read that WARNER BROS. TV is holding a nationwide talent search for someone to play the lead in a new WONDER WOMAN TV series!?!?!?! I KNOW someone just PERFECT for the part!!!! (Stanley? Yoo hoo!) Here's more info: Deborah Joy Levine (Lois & Clark: TNAoS) is producing the series, which could appear on NBC next fall. For information on applying for the role, visit any WARNER BROS. Studio Store before January 10th. (ALSO: someone wrote to ask if this show was going to REPLACE XWP -- NOT A CHANCE! XWP will be in production at least through the year 2000.)



GABRIELLE 3: HELL SEASON


I DON'T KNOW ABOUT GABRIELLE BEING IN HELL...but I certainly am. Nearly 2 months of re-runs!?!? And then I get this news about Julie Moran getting **MY** part! OY VEY!!!



RIFT-O-METER


LET'S JUST SAY THIS: "Oh what a tangled web we weave...." My sources have confirmed that in an upcoming episode, someone who once was VERY close to Xena gets killed... by someone who was once VERY close to Gabrielle.... and this is the horrible incident that brings the RIFT to a head -- yep, DRAGS our gals' beautiful friendship through the dirt and SKEWERS it, but good! I guess their friendship was but an ILLUSION... What could possibly have happened to send these grrls closeness down the river...(or is that over a waterfall?!?!). STAY TUNED!!!!



BORING RATINGS STUFF


MY GOODNESS, THIS STUFF REALLY DOES GET BORING. But I am a trooper. I am Speedy. I live for this stuff! D*mn the boring parts and straight ahead! I am also thinking of a "Send Speedy to Accounting School" charitable drive. Some astute readers have suggested to Speedy that I have a future in Accountancy.

WHEN WE LAST LEFT THE LADIES they had pulled down a 6.2 with GABRIELLE'S HOPE (51/305), and was still feeling the INTENSE BRUNT of X-FILES' evil plan to take over the syndicated ratings. Up to that point, they were a strong 2nd if not the MORAL equivilant of numba one. Let's face it, for first run action hours, XENA rules. But, unfortunately X-FILES fans have bad memories and watch the X-FILES in repeat as if it were as crispy FRESH and NEW as XENA. Food for thought, campers!

THE WEEK OF 11/03/97, earned X-FILES an all-time low of...7.0!!! Eek, even their lows are kind of high. But let's forget about X-FILES right now. XENA showed THE DEBT PART ONE (52/306) but was bested by STAR TREK: DEEP SPACE NINE which was showing the 2nd parter of the "Let's Retake Deep Space Nine for God, King, and Starfleet" episode called THE SACRIFICE OF ANGELS (130/606). DEEP SPACE earned a 6.4 to XENA's 6.2. It was a close one, folks. I don't know about you, but for me it was nice to see DEEP SPACE flex a little muscle. I can't wait for one of them (please let it be XENA) to best X-FILES. Speedy will do a little dance on my table. HERCULES came in with a 5.9 with TWO MEN AND A BABY (65/406). That was Herk's version of GABRIELLE'S HOPE! And poor 'ol EARTH: FINAL CONFLICT didn't even make the top 25.

THE WEEK OF 11/10/97 was truly tragic. It seems that VARIETY forgot to publish the ratings for that week, instead they discussed the November sweeps results. Heck, they weren't even the final results...those were still a few days away. From the next weeks article one was able to determine what the ratings were for X-FILES and STAR TREK: DS9, but gave diddly squat for XWP and even HTLJ. Bummer city. If anyone has these numbers PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE send them to Speedy at iaxs@aol.com. Drop everything and send them. NOW!! Please do so voluntarily before I have to resort to hypnotism.

PROVISIONAL NOVEMBER SWEEP RESULTS have X-FILES on top, as usual, with 7.8; XWP at a distant 2nd place with 6.3 (up 11% from the last November sweeps); and STAR TREK (down 9%) and HTLJ (up 2%) sharing the 3rd spot with 6.0. WALKER and NYPD BLUE took the 4th and 5th spots respectively with 5.0 and 4.2. EARTH: FINAL CONFLICT came in 6th with 4.1 and BAYWATCH (down 18%) showed up 7th with 3.6. HONEY I SHRUNK THE KIDS came in with 3.5, with PENASCOLA: WINGS OF GOLD making 3.4, THE OUTER LIMITS (down 6%) making 3.3, TEAM KNIGHT RIDER 2.6, SOLDIER OF FORTUNE 2.3, CONAN 1.8, and MIKE HAMMER 1.1. Where was SINBAD, TARZAN, and ROBIN HOOD? The syndicated action hour biz is dog eat dog; a "let's throw them to the lions" kind of thang.

SO, WHAT WERE THE KIND-OF SORT-OF RATINGS for the shows released 11/10/97? X-FILES, the gangbuster it is, came in with an 8.3 of all ridiculous things! STAR TREK: DS9 came in 2nd with 6.7. That is its personal best so far this season. And why not??? It was Worf's and Dax's wedding. YOU ARE CORDIALLY INVITED (131/607) was doomed to have broken some sort of record. Sheesh. STAR TREK is travelling on rocky ground but it ain't dead yet! The XENA episode for the week was THE DEBT PART 2 (53/307). Using my slide rule I can determine that it was probably a 6.3 or 6.2 rating. For HTLJ's PRODIGAL SISTER (66/407) I have absolutely no way of figuring out what the heck it was. The Speedster is stumped!!! Stumped, but working on it. Luckily I live for challenge, no matter how stupid or how pointless.

AND NOW YOU ASK, WHAT ABOUT THE WEEK OF 11/17/97? I just know everyone is shuddering in anticipation about what a Campbell-Raimi exravaganza can earn! I just know it! So, who took the number one spot in this incredible week of programming brilliance? Can you say X-FILES? However, this time they plummetted to 7.5. Let's shed a tear for X_FILES. Speedy has to admit that I missed the boat with X-Files mania. I have only seen two complete episodes and both made me go, "Huh?", but to each their own. I did pick up a copy of an Unofficial Guide to X- Files and am reading it between trade magazine releases. Maybe if I can find a station in my cowtown that is showing it in syndication (I would NEVER cheat by watching the network version first), I will hunker down and revisit...the X-FILES.

WHOA! THAT WAS A TANGENT. Where was I? Oh yes, HERCULES actually elbowed out XENA to get the coveted 2nd place. HERK ranked 8th overall and earned a 6.4 rating. The episode? What episode, you ask, could make HERK leap frog over our gals (or should I say guys...Herk did best a gal-lite XENA)? ...AND FANCY FREE (67/408)! Yes, HERK takes on ball-room dancing. Coming in on a close 3rd, was XENA, ranking 9th with 6.3 for KING OF ASSSASSINS (54/308). Not bad for a true tangent of an episode. Coming in at a relatively distant 4th, ranking 18th with a 5.2 rating, STAR TREK:DS9 offered RESSURRECTION (132/608), where the alternative universe Bareil beds the needy Major Kira. I could go on and tell you what WALKER: TEXAS RANGER got, but do we really want to know? I should hope not.

AND CAN YOU TELL WE ARE REALLY BEHIND? For the release week of 11/24/97 everyone had a BAD WEEK. Our good 'ol standby X- FILES clocked in their lowest rating yet...YES!!!! They earned a 6.5. This is such good news...this is a level that maybe, just maybe, XENA can best. Let's hope!!! Thanksgiving took a big bite out of the syndicated showings for this week. I hate to think of what Christmas will do to the numbers. Shudder. Our best gal XENA came in 2nd with a 5.1. Don't panic! I realize this is close to a SPEEDY defenestration warning, however, it was a repeat! Yes, it was the wonderful encore presentation of THE FURIES (47R/301), the season-opener...remember? First time out it earned a 6.1. The first season opener, SINS OF THE PAST (01/101), went up 4.2% in its repeat (4.7 to 4.9), and the 2nd season opener, ORPHAN OF WAR (25/201) [which will be released for the third time the first week of January 1998], stayed the same (5.3). The third season opener went down 16.3%. Blame the turkey!!! I am.

THE HERKSTER DID HIS FIRST REPEAT of the season as well, BEANSTALKS AND BAD EGGS (60R/401). He was down only 7.2% (5.5 to 4.9). X-FILES, by the way, was down 13.3% from the previous week. Yee-haw!!! Nothing like a good decline to get Speedy's spirits rising. STAR TREK: DEEP SPACE 9, was still airing first run episodes and still could not compete with three shows airing non-first run episodes. STATISTICAL PROBABILITIES (133/609) was a Bashir and his genetically engineered peers episode, and it earned a 5.1, only 1.9% below the previous week. My new puppy, who hasn't quite been housetrained yet, is EARTH: FINAL CONFLICT. EARTH made a 3.8 with HORIZON ZERO (08/108) and CONAN: THE CONTENDER made 2.0 with IMPOSTER (10/110).

WHEW!!! I THOUGHT I WAS NEVER GOING TO GET THROUGH THIS. But I did!!! Also, thanks to all the people participating in SPEEDY'S GUESS THE RATINGS. No one has won yet, BUMMER!!! But keep those e-mails coming!!! Statistically, someone has got to win...just ask Doctor Bashir! I am also going to put up a triple header prize. From now on, guess the ranking, the position, and the rating. If you guess the position right, you get an honorable mention (it'll probably be 2nd until X-FILES rolls over and dies); if you guess the ranking (probably anywhere from 5 to 12, realistically), you become a runnerup and get to walk on the concourse; if you guess the rating, you win...BUT if you get 3 out of 3, then you will win the GRAND PRIZE...which is still in preparation. Just send your entries to SPEEDY. You'll be glad you did!

HEY! I AM DOUBLED PARKED, so I better make like a tree and leave. Don't forget to write Speedy when you are bored! And again, thanks for all those colorful accountancy brochures.



LETTERS TO LAURA SUE


Laura Sue:

Hey, you look a lot like Gabrielle!

An astute observer

LAURA SUE RESPONDS:

Dear ASTUTE:

No, really?

LSD




Dear Laura Sue:

Since XM Central Market has just been created, you've probably not heard of it. Anyway, I've created a jump-site style merchandise information page. It's already a huge page, but obviously is going to grow as more merchandise comes out.

My question to you is WHERE did you learn about all that new merchandise that's going to come out? I think it is News section #8. I'd like to have a source for that type of thing to help me keep the Central Market up-to-date and maybe even telling things to watch for. I don't suppose you can tell me, or will I just have to watch your column to get that latest news?

Crimson

LAURA SUE RESPONDS:

Dear Crimson,

I learned a long time ago in this business to keep my mouth shut when it comes to revealing my sources... Otherwise my sources have a way of "disappearing." Just keep your eyes and ears open, and your nose to NGR.... for all the latest merchandise and gossip you can handle!

LSD




Greetings LSD,

Love the initials. I did way too much of it in the 70's and 80's, trying to forget who I was. Which brings me to the future and my question to you. Now a nice "normal" lesbian, I would love to read some lesbian fan fiction pertaining to our hero. Know where I can find some? Or is this a rhetorical question? As I stated above, I am a 38 year old lesbian (working toward a degree in psychology) who has been in the same relationship for thirteen years (my lover has an MBA), we have a thirteen-year-old daughter (who loves Xena), and we all have become a BIG fans of the show. Any information would be greatly appreciated.

Thanks, Connie

LAURA SUE RESPONDS:

Connie -

Hun, where have you been? The web is just PACKED with XWP alt.fanfic. My source suggests that you check out these two sites:

XENOS' XWP Fan Fiction site. The alt.fanfic is noted.

TOM'S XENA PAGE. The alt.fanfic is noted.

Her personal suggestions are anything by Bat Morda, Melissa Good, BL Miller, LN James, etc. But there are hundreds of stories available by ALL different bards. Once you start...you will spend ALL your time reading!

LSD




Laura Sue:

I simply adore your column - though, frankly, I'd rather be running around in the wilds of New Zealand that sitting at my desk reading about it! But, all sore feelings aside - please tell us something about Ted Raimi. I think that he is very funny and talented, and would love to know his other acting credits. Also - are Ted and Sam are related to an opera star with the same last name? (I SWEAR that I've heard of a Raimi performing at the Met in New York!) Thanks.

Glued to the PC in DC

LAURA SUE RESPONDS:

Dear Glued:

Hope you get the SCI-FI channel -- old "Seaquest DMV" episodes are running daily. You can see Ted in those... There is an opera singer named Samuel Ramey, no relation. He sang Faust's Mephistopheles at the Met in March and April of 1997 (I saw that -- it was wonderful). He has also been singing in Il Barbiere di Siviglia at the Met since October until 8 January, 1998, as well as The Rake's Progress and Boris Godunov until mid-January 1998. Personally, I recommend La Cenerentola, but I don't think he's in that one.

LSD




LSD--

I heard from a friends who heard from another guy that this was Lucy's last season as Xena. I told him he was way off his rocker, but he said he heard she wanted to "Pursue other career choices"!!! Say it ain't so!!!!! Tell me I'm a gullible yokel who feeds on rumors!!!

Thanx

Scared Stiff (not THAT kind of stiff, kinky people!)

LAURA SUE RESPONDS:

Dear Stiff,

Okay. You're a gullible yokel who feeds on rumors. PSYCH! Darling, if you believe everything you hear, then you *must* believe me when I tell you to stuff an envelope with hundred dollar bills and send it to me *immeditately*! My very livelihood depends on it! Or at least my next appointment at the SALON!

LSD




Dear Laura Sue,

PLEEEEASE HEEELLLPPP!!! I absolutely loved Lao Ma. So naturally I have been trying to find some web pages about the actress, Jacqueline Kim. There's only one slight problem. I Can't Find Any! When I enter a search, I get tons of pages about Volcano and Disclosure. Ms.Kim had roles in both, however the people in charge barely even mention her. Do you know of anywhere that I can get more info? Do you have any related gossip? I'd even settle for news and rumors too.

BIG KIM FAN

LAURA SUE RESPONDS:

Dear BIG:

Darling, of course you're a Jacqueline Kim fan -- who wouldn't be? I myself was fortunate enough to catch her "Yelena" in a David Mamet interpretation of Anton Chekov's "Uncle Vanya" at the Seattle Repertory Theatre in December of 1996 (my, how a year flies!). But I have it on reliable authority that one of our best men (in fact, one of our only men) at WHOOSH! labs was given the assignment of submitting an exclusive interview with Ms. Kim for the February 1998 issue of WHOOSH! We'll see if he can pull off such a *dreamy* assignment!

LSD

[Editor's note: Yes! Mr. Rudnick was successful. WHOOSH's in depth interview with Jacqueline Kim will appear in our February 1998 issue, along with an interview with Alexandra Tyldings, aka Aphrodite. After that all male issue of January 1998, we will try to femme it up a bit in February.]




Dear LauraSueD:

I can make no promises but I too came from Topeka...would like to talk. Send pic?

[name withheld]
[DUBIOUS PRODUCTION COMPANY NAME WITHELD]

LAURA SUE RESPONDS:

Dear Withheld:

(sigh)

LSD






LAURA SUE NEEDS YOU!


If you HAVE any good dish, write me. Need a rumor confirmed, denied, or ambiguously tap danced around? I'm your gal! Just drop Laura Sue a line!

I can't print every letter, but I'll do my best to answer your questions... and report those late-breaking XWP stories!


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