CLEO, CLEO, CLEO!
DOES THIS SHOW SOUND LIKE IT HAS **LAURA SUE** WRITTEN ALL OVER IT OR WHAT??? Yes! What a shrewd move to write off those long nights of research at "Joe's Pleasure Palace". Yes! It is a way to employ those out-of-work Amazons who can barely afford enough clothing to cover a tenth of their body. Yes! It is the adventures of an exotic dancer who is cryogenically put under after a botched boob job and brought to in the 26th century. Wait...26th Century...wasn't that when Buck Rogers was around too? Wow! That opens up so many more plot possibilities. What I want to know though is why I was not called in for at least an audition???? I can do exotic dancer. I can do skimpy clothes. I can do sleep. I can do botched boob jobs. God forbid, but Laura Sue thinks she might need a NEW AGENT.
Starring in this amazing experiment of half hour action comedies are RenPic alums, Jennifer "Amarice, I am not an Amazon after all nyah nyah nyah nyah" Sky as Cleopatra, the breast impaired lead; Gina "Nebula, I should be the lead of my own TV show" Torres (yeah she did Cleopatra on XENA, but I don't want to talk about it) as Hel, the chick that awakens the dormant Cleo; and Vicky "Cyane the dead Amazon" Pratt as Sarge, Hel's sidekick.
First lets talk about this half hour action thing. When I first heard about this I said, "NO WAY!". But now, since I have had a couple of months of primo chilling time, I am saying "WAY!" While I was in confinement, one of the books that was in the cell was an encyclopedia of television shows of the fifties and sixties. Did you realize that those old shows SECRET AGENT MAN (with the guy who was in that freaky PRISONER show later on, Patrick McGoohan was his name) and HONEY WEST (with Anne Francis who was one of Laura Sue's earliest role models) were half hours????? My goodness, maybe RenPic does know what they are doing!!!
Next, let's talk about me being in confinement. I would like to say that this has *nothing* to do whatsoever with those little vices of mine that got me into so much trouble last year. Instead I learned a valuble lesson about the danger of certain fashion accessories. I will never, ever have anything to do with those illegal shatoosh shawls ever again, no matter how fabulous they work with an ensemble. Only in LA, however, can incarceration become a career opportunity. Before you knew it I was networking with Robert Downey Jr. and Charlie Sheen in the lovely Malibu Corrections Institution. After a few months and about a zillion rounds of tennis, I got my sporty red jeep out of hock and headed back to tinsel town. Over the countless hours we spent together doing community service (landscaping for the poor of Brentwood) Charlie became quite taken with me and we are actually in discussions on me appearing in the movie his brother is directing, and WHOOSH still has those ***** photos...so here I am! Well..all I can say is I need some work. I have lots of bills to pay after my little vacay, so who knows what I'll be doing next?
Finally, let's get back to CLEO, shall we? This time it is THREE CHICKS running amuck in next to nothing on screen. Is this what Amercia wants? Probably. More importantly, it actually has a chance of being the first successful XENA rip off. All the other XENA rip offs tried to hedge their bets by fusing the HERCULES & XENA formula by creating a male-female dynamic where one never existed in XENA. CLEO seems to have taken this to heart, but instead of reproducing the no-brainer obvious TWO females as leads...they give us THREE FEMALE LEADS...and of course cut the show by a half an hour. DUH!!! Well, I guess this will give us a more DENSE dosage of GRRL ACTION. Of course, there ARE men..but they seem to all be svelt robots of teutonic lineage. As long as the girls continue to kick their ass, Laura Sue will be happy.
R.J. STEWART IS BACK
CLEOPATRA 2525 is R.J. Stewart's baby. But since wrapping the first 14 epsiodes, Stewart has returned to his roots...yes, he's back at the helm for XENA. Roberto Orci and Alex Kurtzman had been overseeing the show for the past few months, but they have decided to move onto JACK OF ALL TRADES. Laura Sue is definitely a card carrying member of the RJ Stewart fan club. She thinks he's cute. And he can write a good story when he wants too. Let's hope he wants to in the next upcoming season. Amphipolis Under Seige is a good example of what can happen when R.J. IS in control. Married With Fishsticks is a horrifying example of what happens when he is NOT.
MORE FAMILY DRAMA
Everywhere we have good news for the little Ren Pics family. First Lucy and Rob go off and have a lovely baby boy..and then Renee and Steve announce their engagement (on her birthday, no less..I'm all misty eyed). Congratulations to all. Of course Laura Sue is personally unaffected by all this talk of engagements and babies. What would I do with a baby at the Viper Club? (not to mention what would I do with a husband at the Viper Club???).
LUCY NOT SPEAKING IN BALTIMORE
All I could hear for about a week was the incessant bleating of my cell phone as my Xenaversian friends called me up to see if I wanted to go to Baltimore to see Lucy speak at a Feminist Expo. Now..I love crabcakes..but Charm City is a bit far for me (although I could get in a few auditions in NYC). Seems lots of guys and gals bought their tickets only to find out that Lucy wasn't going to speak after all. Being a feminist myself (stop laughing..it's true..I idolized Maude Finley as a child..she looked just like my Aunt Connie), I'd love to go anyway...but sorry... the breastplated goddess will still be in kiwiland for this event.
HEAR ANY GOOD MISSY GOOD RUMORS? WRITE TO LSD!
Laura Sue is very excited to hear of progress on the movie of Missy's "Tropical Storm". I've already got my audition outfit ready. Drop me a line if anyone has any news they want to share (with me and my agent..).
GLAD TO BE BACK IN THE SADDLE...AGAIN
So kids - I'm working my way back into the loop, making calls, getting myself invited to all sorts of things...I'm looking for gossip, honey! Hot, steamy, fabulous gossip! Got a rumour, got a question..I'm here for you! Until next time then...
staying out of trouble,
LETTERS TO LAURA SUE
HI! Finally you're back and hotter and BETTER than EVER BEFORE :)
I just want to thank you for you courage in putting down Creation for auctioning Xena stuff and other memorabilia at eBay! I am ALL with you, I too believed it was wrong and they make ALOT of money over the little they sell! Creation merchandise is ALWAYS over priced! They usually sell the exact same thing other retailers do but for more money and let me tell you, there stuff isn't exactly better! Very Very recently I ordered some stuff from them, for the record...I only order what I know I can't get anywhere else from Creation, and one of the pictures had gooey sticky stuff all over it and scratches! I mean, if your going to charge more for stuff then at least the quality is good! Again, you have lots of courage and Sword and Staff deserves more than an apology than Creation, maybe they should teach Creation how to run a business, the RIGHT way!
P.S. Laura, I would really appreciate if you posted my letter, to show the fans...what a money hungry company Creation Entertainment REALLY is!
LAURA SUE RESPONDS:
No problem sweetie...I love to post things that begin with such a lovely complement! I am appalled over your Creation story. They really ought to make sure their staff washes their hands before packing over-priced merchandise. I mean, *really!* Laura Sue is going to sneak into their offices and put big "EMPLOYEES MUST WASH HANDS" signs in all their bathrooms. This means I get to wear my new La Femme Nikita leather pants for a covert operation under the cover of darkness. I can't wait! (PS..I did NOT buy the pants from Creation)
ONE REASON WHY THE WEDDING IS BEING KEPT HUSH-HUSH?
I'm hoping you still use this e-mail address and will return my post. I just wanted to write you and tell you I really enjoy your acting. The Job you do on Xena is great!!! I do have a quire what's up with the tattooing? I'm not bashing it, I have tattoos of my own. I just wanted to know what drove you to get them, or are they just make-up?Also I loved your long hair but either way you have your hair is fine with me... I've really fallen for you I only wish I could meet you someday, and get to talk with you. Maybe find out something about your past, but Atlanta Georgia is along way away from NZ,so that will remain a dream. Well thank you for your time, and keep up the good work.
Your admirer, Richard
My e-mail is
thanks by the way I'm 23, how old are you?
LAURA SUE RESPONDS:
My Dearest Richard,
This is so sweet...but I think you are really smitten with Renee O'Connor- not Laura Sue (although people tell me I look uncannily like her). The only acting job I've gotten recently was a Mentos commercial..and they're only showing it in Brazil (but I've got lots of auditions lined up!) I, too, was alarmed when Renee cut her hair, but maybe it was because of the bad wig she wore in Between the Lines (puleeze, somebody get me some hair products and a pair of shears!). I think the short hairdo is actually rather sexy on her. Very Sharon Stone-ish. Her mendhi tattoos were special makeup transfers created by Temptu and put on with alcohol. As for Laura Sue's age...it's roughly 20-something. I don't like to tell because I feel it inhibits my dramatic range.
About Xena's delicate condition (sounds like an oxymoron, huh?)..... Any word on how TPTB are going to incorporate Lucy's pregnancy into the show???? Have any extra precautions been taken for her personal safety?
LAURA SUE RESPONDS:
Well...I missed a lot of mail on my hiatus...I guess we've all seen how they've incorporated the pregnancy in season 5 already. For those who haven't seen the season yet: a little Callisto, a little costume change, a big attitude adjustment for Gabrielle, and a lot more Joxer on the screen. As for personal safety, I would say having Renee handle most of the fight scenes and a lighter battle load for Xena kept Lucy out of any imminent danger.(not to mention avoiding airport food by not going to the Pasadena Convention).
Do you know what the 100th episode of Xena will be?? Is it the one where she has the baby?? Id be happy to know if you have found that out!! Thanx alot!!! Luv, ~~*Tara*~~ aka Cupcake.... hmmmm
LAURA SUE RESPONDS:
Again...I'm a little late on my mail. Sorry. The 100th episode was supposed to be a combination of Seeds of Faith and God Fearing Child...The technical number 100 was Lyre Lyre, where we got to see Renee in the most fabulous spangled silver bikini. The frock tarts are having a real jamboree with the silver material this year. Did you check out Athena's archers? Can you say roller derby queens? I'm going to go hit Melrose and see if I can get myself one of those spangled bikinis to go rollerblading in. Maybe I can get a screen test for one of next year's amazons.
Oh, it's the Renee got married thing. Is it true? If it is and she kept it a secret I will be forever hurt, as I am a most loyal fan. I do remember "baby" rumors flying around for months before Lucy announced her pregnancy. So what's up?
-Cat in Denver
LAURA SUE RESPONDS:
Renee recently announced her engagement to long time live-in partner Steve Muir. She's not married yet..but I don't think anybody's got a shot to win her over. The dating game for Miss O'Connor has been over for a looong time. Thanks, Renee, for making it final...more available dates for the rest of us single gals on the go.
LAURA SUE NEEDS YOU!
If you HAVE any good dish, write me. Need a rumor confirmed, denied, or ambiguously tap danced around? I'm your gal! Just drop Laura Sue a line!
I can't print every letter, but I'll do my best to answer your questions... and report those late-breaking XWP stories!
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