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NEWS GOSSIP RUMORS
#31

By Laura Sue Dean
August 26, 2000

NEWS
GOSSIP
RUMORS
BORING RATINGS STUFF
MERCHANDISE ALERT
LETTERS TO LAURA SUE
LAURA SUE NEEDS YOU!

HELLO YOU, MY FAITHFUL READERS!

Phew! Laura Sue just got back last week from her whirlwind tour of Europe and is utterly LIMP with exhaustion! It's been a long time since Ol' Laura Sue got some quality vacation time (voluntarily, anyway...let's not go there, shall we?) Anyway, consider this scribe Tanned, Rested and Really up on the EU conversion rate!

It ain't long now kids till we get to see if season 6 of XENA will live up to ALL that pressure everyone is on putting on it. It's the same thing, every year, every year... Loyal fans getting their hairs and body parts all twisted up and muttering,"this year they better (insert favorite agenda here) or I'm... " Laura Sue observes... (being such is one of her best qualities!) Since the sixth is supposedly the last season, will everybody want EVERY agenda addressed? What PRESSURE this must be for the writers! We're talking "You mean I gotta stand here in the hot sun and hold onto this immunity totem while everyone in America watches as some yahoo in 'Doctor Livingston, I presume?' drag TAUNT me with fresh, juicy oranges and frosty glasses of lemonade" -pressure!? Laura Sue just hopes the able writing team is IMMUNE to the stuff!



NEWS

THE L.A. TIMES, THE N.Y. TIMES, CNN. AND WHOOSH! -- America's leading news sources!

Isn't it fabu? This very cutting-edge e-zine has been cited as a real honest-to-goodness news source on SCI-FI WIRE and aint-it -cool-news.com for breaking the news that Ted Raimi is going to be in big brother Sam's Spiderman flick. PLEASE don't tell Harry Knowles that the item isn't really very newsworthy. Come, on... Anyone and their blind pet monkey could fortell this! "And brother Ted will be in the Next Sam Rami movie after that, and the Next one after that, and the next one after THAT..." (You KNOW it's TRUE!)



HOW MANY BOOTIES SHALL I KNIT, MS. CORMACK?

Rejoice Danielle Cormack fans!! Danielle will be coming back to play the granddaughter of Ephiny this season. This of course begs the question of exactly how FAST does a centaur grow... and how many legs will she'll have? (For you late-comers, Ephiny's centaur son, Xenon, seemed to grow 6 years between season 2 and 3...) Guess it took an additional season to reach puberty and produce an offspring. But Hey! We aren't complaining! No SIREEE! We LOVE Danielle, Ephiny and all that was JUST and GOOD about Xena! "PLEASE Sir... may we have some more"?!?



DON'T YOU JUST LOVE THE SMELL OF NAPALM ON THE MAILING LISTS IN THE MORNING?

SCXF VI (The Southern California Xenafest, version 6.0) once again proved to be the biggest and best (BY FAR!) of the fan-run conventions, (and frankly, most of the NON-fan run ones!) however: The "afterglow" was destroyed by an (idiot) fan stealing video from one of the presenters. (Robert Field's sneak preview of the Missy Good penned episdoe Legacy). Rob had specifically (and repeatedly) asked that nobody do this... SIGH. Historical note: Rob Field and the SCXF fan base built a relationship built on trust and goodwill over the past five years. (The SO CAL HCNB were there when Lucy fell off the horse at Leno, for Goddess'sake!) So, Mr. Fields was trying to "give a little back" to the fans who had been loyal to the show. (And Goddess knows, it's sometimes its just so HARD to stay loyal to THIS SHOW!) Thus, going on good faith (and five years of friendship) that the *Guests* at the fest would honor his wishes, he gave the fans a delicious treat! And was, like, totally BURNED!!! Rob (and the SCXF Warlords) as you would expect, were a TAD annoyed when the shots "appeared magically" online. This set off one of the *nastiest* bouts of Flaming, Flamer, FLAME ON! pyrotechnics (over several lists -- some of which were FATAL) in a loooong while. (Or at least, since Whoosh's FEARless (Full?) Leader (a/k/a Editor in Chief) decided to point out Lucy's lack of cooperation with Sword and Staff ... which has subsequently been corrected since said editorial -- who says the fans aren't heard?) Laura Sue made a BIIIIG "note to self" reminding herself to send Miss Thing all the signed photographs she could to Sword and Staff, so to dodge that editorial bullet!)

The MORAL of the story? LSD sez: Note to Publishers - We aren't in Junior High anymore, so PLEASE DON'T POST CONTRIBAND PICTURES of items not authorized or not carried over the waves...most especially if they make *fans look bad*. (And, the actions of these fan(s) made us ALL look really, really BAD.) Of course, if everyone did what Laura Sue said, many, many people all over the world would be retouching their fan photos on websites right about NOW.



THE RULLY, RULLY BIG SHEW IN PASADENA

In case you haven't heard yet, Sharon Delaney, "Amazon Queen" of the Official Creation Fan Club, will be interviewing Lucy and Renee FOR the FANS at the Pasadena Convention. The totally HEINOUS part about this is, LSD's #$%&^ cell phone battery ran out again, so she MISSED our gals' request to have HER ask the questions. Bummer. On the Bright Side: Our ears and brain cells will be spared such earth-shatteringly FASCINATING queries, such as:

1) "Do you have any advice for aspiring actresses?"
2) "What's your favorite part about working on the show?"
and the all-time favorite, most selfless and *truly* compelling-for-us-all question:
3) "Can I have a hug?"

To save time, and to have infinitely more interesting questions answered at the Con, Laura Sue will answer the above questions right here!

1) The best advice for any aspiring actress is to *always* wax before an audition.
2) Laura Sue's favorite part about working on the show is all the comp'd press junkets to exciting, exotic locales she goes to as a journalist for such a world-class news source like Whoosh;
3) AND for $100, you may certainly have a hug (but only if you've bathed recently).





AUNTIE EMMY! AUNTIE EMMY!

(Note to self: Call Jennifer for Press Clearance asap!) Joseph LoDuca, composer extraordinaire, has more than one nomination this year!

1. Outstanding Main Title Theme Music for Jack of All Trades
2. Outstanding Music Composition for a Series (Dramatic Underscore) for Fallen Angel
Check it all out at http://www.emmys.tv/awards/52ndarts.htm.

Yayyyy! HOPEFULLY, the good vibrations left by hoards of adoring XENA/JACK fans will rub off, and by the time you read this Joe will have already picked up his award(s)... The Creative Arts awards are given out on Saturday, August 26 2000 at the... Pasadena Civic Auditorium!!! The Creative Arts show is a MUST-SEE for Laura Sue because at she hopes to be a seat-filler for one of the nominees for either "Outstanding Hairstyling" or "Outstanding Make Up"!

Die-Hard Fans will remember that Joe was nominated two years ago for The Bitter Suite but didn't take one of those silly, lethal looking statues home. Keep your fingers and toes crossed that this is LoDuca's year!



OTHER EMMY NEWS

That OTHER Emmy Show, the one that ABC will televise? Keep your eyes peeled for a familiar face on the red carpet! LSD has sent her best tiara to the jeweler's for a good polishing in preparation for her appearance at the 52nd Annual Academy of Television Arts & Sciences Emmy Awards (another REALLY BIG SHEW!) filmed LIVE at the Shrine Auditorium on September 10th. Noooo, LSD is not actually a presenter, (or a nominee) but she'll be there with bells on, looking to show up in the back of any live shots she can...at least when not in the talent lounge, eating snack mix and hoarding olives.



GOSSIP

CAN I REALLY TAKE AN HOUR OF PRIMAL SCREAMING?

To quote Natalie Wood in West Side Story..."PLEASE OH PLEASE Don' letit be Trrrrue!" It was reported from the folks hosting STARFURY that Jennifer Skye, that vocally gymnastic gal from Cleopatra 2525, couldn't attend the con because Cleo is now an hour long, and the shooting schedule has been extended. This has NOT been officially confirmed by RenPics, so hold off on the bulk orders on earplugs for now.



WE DON'T KNOW...JACK?

So what does Cleo going to an hour mean for Jack of All Trades? Hope is still riding high amongst the Jack enthusiasts that the show will be picked up again for another season. As reported in this space earlier, things are looking a tad grim...Laura Sue even jumped the gun last month and said that the show has bitten the dust. The show has not OFFICIALLY been cancelled and 9/23/2000 has been reported as the date when the final decision about the show will be announced, but no one associated with the show seems to think it has a chance, except for Bruce Campbell, who has been mysteriously busy taking on VIP directing gigs and trying his darndest to get a co-starring part (unsuccessfully) on X-FILES.

Undaunted, an energetic and rather formidable troop of fans have been bombarding the studios with letters, e-mails, and...bizarrely enough...little plastic cocktail swords. Word is that the studios are actually taking notice AND that they are experiencing excessive flatulence from eating a lot of little cheese cubes and cocktail weenies while trying to use up all those swords.

The Moral of THIS Story: Do you love Jack of All Trades? Do you want to keep it on the air? If so, run on over to http://savejack.exomediainc.com and join the thousands of other supporters fighting to keep the show alive.



PLEASE FILL OUT THESE FORMS AND TAKE A SEAT ON YOUR LEFT...

What's happening with the stars of Jack while in limbo? Wellll...we recently heard that Angela Dotchin will be working on the kiwi-based Lord of the Rings movie (although this is not mentioned on the official web site...perhaps a walk on or something). Word also has it that after Lord she will work on a miniseries and it ain't Jack. Bruce Campbell narrowly missed being cast as Agent Scully's new partner on the X-Files. Bruce was so close that he was one of the handful of actors that got the hallowed call for a final screen test... SORRY BRUCE! (Next time bet you'll take Laura Sue's advice and *wax* before the audition.)



RUMORS

HEALTHCARE OPTIONS FOR THE SEVERELY ADDICTED

Why don't we address that big old Rumor that keeps rising to the top like so many Kraft Miniature Marshmallows in a bowl of potluck-bound Jello(tm). IS there, or is there NOT going to be a SEASON 7??!??

A rumor infected the audience at the Minneapolis convention, (you know, they are SPRAYING down entire parts of the city to deal with this now?) that XWP might go to season 7.

This persistant rumor has now expanded to say that if the 6th season averages better than a 3.5 during the November sweeps, a 7th season will be green-lighted... LSD has learned that a certain FINE ACTRESS (who shall remain nameless, but bascially has CARRIED THE SHOW for the past two seasons!) is not exactly jumping for joy at the prospect of hanging around for this...Let's face it, she has an actual Career waiting for her! But SOME BIG SUIT at RenPic believes that a season 7 is viable without her... (um, perhaps its time to wake up and smell the bait, buddy?!)

Laura Sue realizes that many of you are getting a "bulk discount" for therapy in anticipation of a complete, cold-turkey XWP withdrawal next year... And this little drop of Sunshine in your grey, dreary life has made you forget all about getting those much needed shock treatments... But PLEASE REMEMBER that this is *just a rumor*. It's time to face reality, kids... Watching reruns and dressing up in costume for other conventions, (like wearing your custom-made Alti hat to the annual Amway rally) is a highly likely vision of your future. (Of course, the Amway visual alone might warrent shock treatments... NEVERMIND!)



CZECHOSLAVAKIAN (DORIAN?) RHYTHMIC GYMNASTS BUMPS XENA IN SEPTEMBER

Hey...this appears to be true..it looks like the Olympics have caused a little delay in the opening of the Xena season. We are now looking at a week later (the week of October 2nd) till we get to see our gals back in action. Of course, Laura Sue just needs to speculate here WHY they think the whole world would rather tune in to, say, synchronized swimming or Water Polo instead of hour of the Xena opener? (BTW, those swimmers wax!) I mean...do you REALLY think fans wouldn't be able to tear themselves away from just an HOUR of "Chinese Death-match" PING-PONG when they know that the really INTENSE ACTION of said match will be shown later in a recap show... for the Season Opener? Laura Sue thinks the scheduling gurus should grow a pair, for once... SHEESH!

ALSO... there is also word that the opener may NOT be Heart of Darkness (the much anticipated wrap up to that Judeo-Christian endless arc from season 5)...but INSTEAD will be Coming Home, the second ep written by Missy Good. The rumor is that Heart of Darkness is a big, intense, fan pleaser of an episode which might confuse the casual viewer. EXCUSE ME? POT TO KETTLE... POT TO KETTLE... COME IN KETTLE! What's to confuse? With 25 year cryofreezes, endless resurrections, body switching, and alternate-universe dimensional portals...what could POSSIBLY be confusing about Heart of Darkness to the casual viewer??



AND THE LINEUP FOR SEASON 6 SO FAR IS...

SPOILER ALERTS!

Coming Home (Missy's script #2...the season opener)
Heart of Darkness (Not the Joseph Conrad novel) OR The Haunting of Amphipolis (Might get moved to Halloween...you MIGHT see Joxer's ghost here). The shws could be switched in order. BEWARE!
Who's Gurkhan (Gabby's sister is back! Everybody off to Africa!)
Legacy (Missy's script#1. Lots of bedsheets were harmed during the making of this episode)
The Rhinegold (Xena gets to kick back with some Rhinemaidens, or at least that say they are maidens)
The Ring (Possibly the Beowolf homage)
The Return of the Valkyrie (the greatly awaited "Sleeping Beauty" homage)
The Abyss (looks like a lovely canoe trip where Xena and Gabrielle finally discuss the "Hope/Eve paradox")
Send in the Clones (a clip show which is another fandom homage in the vein of Deja Vu)
Vengeance and Mercy (Renee O'Connor directing which has gone through a name change...stay tuned for the new name)



BORING RATINGS STUFF

What the heck ever happened to Speedy? I have not been able to handle these incomprehensible statistics without him explaining these to me. Last I heard, he had grabbed the Whoosh petty cash box (and let me tell ya..it's pretty petty thanks to the staff's inability to remember lunch money) and ran for the border in a white Bronco.

As soon as I find the little pipsqueek, maybe he can explain why a 3.5 average is fairly ambitious given last year's ratings..and that we are in a 6th season..and season 4 average just over that at 4.6...BUT we can all be hopeful and terribly, terribly pro-active (oooh..trendy word). Just track down your local Nielson family (which I think is probably two guys in a mobile home in Arkansas) and break their TV on whatever station shows Xena in that region and have pizza and beer delivered every time the show is on. Desperate times call for desperate measures.



MERCHANDISE ALERT

Well, frankly, LSD thinks the hottest piece of merchandise that has hit the shelves this month HAS to be that amazing TV Guide with Renee on the cover! It's the MUST-HAVE of collectables! Doesn't that red velvet ensemble look simply F-A-B-U-L-O-U-S??!! (Even better than Old Navy Techno-Chinos!) You could have run out and got one for cheap that week... If you could FIND one. In LA they got sucked off the shelves so fast that LSD suspects Creation got up at 4am to scour the streets, running from store to store, scooping up these Gabby covers for future peddling. Food for thought...

The sign of the future

Renee O'Connor as Xena's Gabrielle


However...if you missed it, those covers are already in stock at places like Power Star, and I'm SURE Creation did indeed picked up a few. I'm having mine framed...



LETTERS TO LAURA SUE

Dear Laura Sue, My dad gets Men's Health magazine and in the May issue he showed me a small section on Lucy Lawless...it said that she was shot in a bar but was saved by her breast implant. Now her being shot kind of gave me the chills...do u know whether this is true or not because I haven't heard anybody talking about it.

Thanks,
Chandni Saxena


Dear Chandni,

Are you sure that was Men's Health or the May issue of Bimbos and Ammo? If breast implants actually stopped bullets the LAPD would use lap dancers as riot barricades! Rest easy. Lucy has never been shot, never had implants (silicone, bullet-proof kevlar or otherwise), and NOBODY is talking about it. Sounds like the "journalists" at "Bimbos and Ammo" are having a little fun with your Daddy... (ooh, now That's a frightening visual!) Now, you must excuse LSD... she needs to get down to the firing range.

-Laura Sue



Dear "Laura Sue",

I did a search for you on the internet and found out that Laura Sue Dean is a character Renee O'connor played. so this isn't your real name? this is so wrong, with you being a news person and all- i feel kind of lied to

(no signature, but from Xena705979680@aol.com)

Dear Tender Fan,

Hmmmm..."Xena705979680" is such an UNUSUAL name... is it a family name? Or, as LSD suspects... NOT your REAL NAME?!?! (Gee, I feel so BETRAYED and really, really hurt...) Besides honey, this ain't the NY Times, the name of the game is, NEWS...GOSSIP...RUMORS!

-Laura Sue Dean



Dear Laura Sue:

There's this rumor going around in the Xenaverse saying, that in the beginning of the 6th season, The remaining gods will make a truce with Xena and Gabby and send them back to the past, picking up where "Ides of March" left off. This means that everything concerning Eve and the Twilight will not happen this time, Joxer lives, and that everything will go back to normal. I'm hoping the rumor is true, considering, in my opinion, the 5th season wasn't the best. But are the writers, producers, etc., even thinking about this change? Or is it all in the imagination of a nutty Xenite?

Thanks,
Ariel Greene


Dear Ariel

Well, darlin'...wouldn't we ALL love to think season 5 was just a very bad dream (all except for Gabby's wardrobe change, that was A GIFT FROM THE GODS!) Take a deep breath and listen to your Auntie LSD: Spies on set report they all look firmly trapped 25 years in the future. LSD RUMOR CYA: Of course, one never knows what those wacky writers are up to...but for now, let us just do our best to suck up, take a deep breath and accept that season 5 happened. All we can do now is deal with the time shift (and painful psychological scarring) that resulted from Married With Fishticks...

-Laura Sue



Hi Laura Sue! Is season 6 really gonna be a subtext season? and if it is, then what can we expect from it? is lucy thinking of directing any of the episodes from season 6? i've already seen some of the pictures from season 6, and it looks like it's gonna be a terrific season(i especially like the pictures from legacy, and gabby's season 6 outfit looks great!). since the show's gonna have new writers, will we be expecting anything different from season 6?) thanx for answering my questions! bye!

Cindy

Dear Cindy,

LSD agrees that season 6 looks like it is going to be fab... judging from these "hurt/comfort" shots at http://www.primenet.com/~outback/fanclubs/spoil/sixthspoil.html, Creation's FanClub Website spoilers page. I think the subtext afficionados will get PLENTY of screen captures and warm tinglies to keep them more than... satisfied... (sorry kids, LSD could NOT resist!) The major difference between season 5 and 6 with the writing staff is that they are pushing the creative envelope to include this cutting-edge element into the show: Xena and Gabrielle actually LIKE each other. WoW. Can you say DARING AND DANGEROUS?! BTW, Lucy will not be directing any episodes..just Renee.

-Laura Sue



LAURA SUE NEEDS YOU!

If you HAVE any good dish, write me. Need a rumor confirmed, denied, or ambiguously tap danced around? I'm your gal! Just drop Laura Sue a line!

I can't print every letter, but I'll do my best to answer your questions... and report those late-breaking XWP stories!



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