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By Laura Sue Dean
September 25, 2000



LAURA SUE HAD THE THE MOST BIZARRE MONTH...almost as bizarre as the rest of the Xenaverse. Laura Sue was at a tropical fruit themed cocktail party in Palm Springs (the weekend after the Emmy's), when she had a horrible, HORRIBLE accident! While working the latest pair of Jimmy Choo platforms across a festively decorated cabana bar, Laura Sue slipped on a large novelty banana peel and wacked her head! When Laura Sue awoke she had the most dramatic case of amnesia! Laura Sue suddenly wanted to marry someone vaguely Teutonic and kill a large cow...oh wait...this sounds like a next season rumor.

But really...Laura Sue completely forgot EVERYTHING about her life, her identity, and all of season 5 (which was really therapeutic...she must say). It all came rushing back after Laura Sue watched the recent Sci Fi channel Xena marathon while being treated at the West Hollywood Bad Plot Device Clinic. So, Laura Sue is rested and ready to face season 6, and cannot WAIT. Incidentally, the Sci Fi channel will be showing Xena daily, starting Sept 25th, at 2PM PST...from the beginning...AND in order. Check local listings for times.


Laura Sue knows a lot of her loyal fans out there have been concerned about her sometimes schizophrenic personality lately (not to mention long term third person hang up)...the doctors at the border clinic said that it is quite common for people in show biz to have more than one personality. Next to amnesia, multiple personality disorder (and its cousin: demon possession), is the most frequent side effect of living around so many screen writers. By the way, Laura Sue has needed a lot of assistance around town since the "accident", so she has called in a few markers for a couple of nice fellas in thongs to carry her around. If you should spot a blonde being toted down Rodeo Drive by two guys with bigger pecs than Dolly Parton, come over and say "hi"!


WELL, LAURA SUE CONJECTURES THE BIGGEST PIECE OF NEWS since the last column HAS to be the big scare we had a couple weeks back where thousands of fans rallied together in 36 hours to bombard Studios USA, Tribune Entertainment, and any foolish affiliate who wanted to show Xena after midnight with tons of faxes and phone calls. Seems there was a rumor floating around that the big wigs in TV Land were deciding on the fate of Ren Pics shows currently in distribution. We managed to annoy every administrative assistant at Studios USA..YAY us! Despite exclamations to the contrary...it looks like our ruthless plan worked! YAY us! Rest easy...Xena will be around for 22 whole episodes next year. On second thought, if you live in Australia, don't rest easy...have a few cups of coffee. Looks like Xena will be showing at 2:00 AM Down Under. Boo Channel Ten!


THERE ARE A COUPLE CASUALTIES HERE. Looks like Cleo has been canned...and so have all those Kiwi cast and crew members. Laura Sue guesses we can all get rid of those earplugs now! Also, despite valiant attempts to keep Jack Of All Trades alive, Bruce Campbell announced on his website a couple of days ago that he was told to "Hit the road Jack". The rumors are that Tribune Entertainment (who owns a lot of the stations that show Xena and Back2Back) would like to fill all their time slots with their own productions. Greedy little time slot hoarders.

Looks like Bruce Campbell hasn't been slouching around the pool unemployed with me. He has directed two episodes of V.I.P. (the Pamela Anderson with a really big gun and multiple explosions show).


SOME REALLY FAB NEWS FROM HOLLYWOOD. Joe LoDuca has FINALLY won an Emmy. He received the Emmy for Music Composition for a Series, Dramatic Underscore, for the incidental music in the episode FALLEN ANGEL. Laura Sue tried to catch up with Joe to congratulate him, but, as a seat filler on the OTHER side of the room, they wouldn't let her get up at ALL. Laura Sue must GET a better gig next year.


LOOKS LIKE TED RAIMI WILL NOT be in his big brother Sam Raimi's SPIDERMAN flick after all...which is INDEED a surprise! What Ted failed to mention is that he is in the latest Coen Brother's (FARGO, RAISING ARIZONA) flick, which was shooting in Ye Olde Pasadena over the summer. The project, currently titled THE BARBER PROJECT is filled with some pretty heavy hitting actors like Oscar winners Frances McDormand (she HAS to do the project...she's married to the producer -- where has Laura Sue heard about THAT before? Looks like Laura Sue will have to find herself one of those producers!) and Billy Bob Thornton (who actually won for writing...what a renaissance guy, but he better hope that other Laura never buys a gun), and Emmy winner (and Sopranos star) James Gandolfini. A pretty nice project for Ted to get involved with...go Ted!



ACCORDING TO ADRIENNE WILKINSON (Eve/Livia)at the Cherry Hill Convention, the Gabdrag2000 (otherwise referred as the "chakkie to the head") in MOTHERHOOD was severely cut (like Gabrielle's skull...) and some crucial scenes disappeared. Originally, it appears that Gabrielle stabs Eve several times, Xena knew about the Furies (there's that demon possession again!), yelled several times for her partner to stop trying to kill the child, whacks her with the chakram...and then a big battle with the Furies erupts. Hmmm...that's more editing than a Family Channel version of BOOGIE NIGHTS!


SPEAKING OF VIOLENCE AND CHILDREN, on a more serious note- Mistophelees and her merry band of fans for the Greater Good are making Laura Sue all verklempt again with their generosity towards a worthy cause.

Sword and Staff is sponsoring a donation drive to help raise money for the CARES Centers project that has been undertaken by Starship Foundation. As many of you know, Lucy Lawless, troubled by the violence against children in New Zealand, has joined with others in New Zealand to support the establishment of "Safe and Sound", a program that would create a multi-agency means to deal with child abuse. Anyone interested in joining Lucy other Xena fans in contributing to this campaign can make donations payable to STARSHIP FOUNDATION and send them to:

Sword and Staff P.O. Box 224 Floral Park, NY 11002 U.S.A.
The checks will be forwarded to the Foundation with a cover letter from Sword and Staff indicating that they are from Xena fans and that the proceeds should be used to fund the CARES Centers project.


WARNER BROS. TELEVISION HAS SIGNED A THREE-YEAR PACT with Talent Entertainment Group (TEG) to create and produce programming that utilizes the management/production company's roster of high-profile names. Guess whose on that roster? Lucy Lawless...but so are David Schwimmer (Friends), Julianne Moore (BOOGIE NIGHTS), and Mariah Carey (Divas World Tour). Maybe next year we could expect, say, a very special Friends where Ross and his cocaine addled porn star girlfriend are rescued from a desert island where they are tortured by an ear shattering siren by a tall dark babe in spandex named Lena.


LAURA SUE IS THE FIRST ONE TO AGREE THAT the internet is FILLED with bizarre things...but is it me but are things getting a little more bizarre than usual? There has been lots of turbulence online about the internet fanbase comments from Lucy Lawless. She said in the recent DREAMWORK #74:
"...maybe one in a thousand fans has pernicious intent, and they find one another. It's the one sorry thing about the Internet, that it allows very deeply unhappy and disturbed people to find one another, and a deeply disturbed and unhappy society is not going to produce good results. "
Of course...she DOES say that it is not the bulk...and that there are a lot of really smart people out there. She says clearly that it is "one in a thousand". When you look at all the fans who inundated the studios to save the show, petitioned for THE WAY, and donated to charities in the name of the show, it clearly shows that the internet is loaded with devoted and good hearted people. Of course the flipside is recent cruel practical jokes on webmasters and a recent fashion trend for older men to impersonate young lesbians...so it all balances out, I think.


OK...HERE'S THE LATEST RUNDOWN AND MY COMMENTS...If you don't want to be spoiled, just click here to hop down to the letters.

COMING HOME: Mortal Ares...p*ss*d off Furies...hippie peacenick Eve...and Melissa Good

THE HAUNTING OF AMPHIPOLIS: Goulies and ghosties and Xena's dead mother and Mephistopheles...

HEART OF DARKNESS: Mephistopheles, Lucifer, and return performances from studly Virgil, Eve, and...pack your bags...another special trip to Hell.

WHO'S GURKHAN: Lila, Eve, Virgil and a serious vengeance thing.

LEGACY: Melissa Good script involving the entire Macy's sateen 200 thread count collection in Northern Africa.

THE ABYSS: Looks like a canoeing trip and some serious hurt/comfort.

THE RHINEGOLD: Brush up on your Wagner and break out the pointy helmets. There was something else here...but Laura Sue mysteriously forgot...

THE RING: Still forgetting what Laura Sue was going to say...but she thinks it involved a cow and a wedding...

RETURN OF THE VALKYRIES: Have you ever had a deep desire to kiss strangers in a coma? If so, this may be the episode for you!

SEND IN THE CLONES: It's a clip show...it has Claire Stansfield (yay!)...it's fan inspired (like DEJA VU). Will it be pernicious?

DANGEROUS PREY (formerly VENGEANCE AND MERCY): Directed by Renee O'Connor... Sharon Delaney recommends watching Cornel Wilde in the movie, THE NAKED PREY. Laura Sue never watches naughty movies. Well, she doesn't talk about it publicly. However, the Malibu Public Library does have a great "mature" video collection. And it's all for free!

OLD ARES HAD A FARM: Why does Laura Sue have visions of large killer chickens?

STICK AND STONES: Directed by Michael Hurst and will include Alti and Virgil.

THE LAST CENTAUR: This has GOT to have Danielle Cormack, you know?

TOPPER: This is probably where you will see Joxer as a ghost.

JAPAN I and JAPAN II(might be show finale): Sushi, anyone?


As I said earlier...the internet is a strange place. This month I was mistaken for a few things by readers:


Regarding your comments on stolen video/pictures ?? How could the actions of some dishonest fans make us ALL look bad ??? Pullllese... are you an ex nun or something ??? Usually enjoy most of your comments, but for you to rope the majority of thinking "individuals" in with those who are "thoughtless" is going a little too far! I grew up w/ that kind of "catholic" generalization/judgement as a child....don't need to see it as an adult ! Perhaps you need to reach a step above generalizations... Thank you...


Dear Recovering Catholic,

My, my! Laura Sue had no idea she could bring up such deep childhood trauma!Of course, you COULD be generalizing catholics a bit here in their judgementalism. Actually, Laura Sue has never taken vows, but once played Maria in the Sound of Music. Does that count?

beatifically yours,
-Laura Sue


Hello my name is Trese and I am interested in learning how you received donations for your wedding expenses. I was wondering if you could please give me some advise on how I can get donations that would help out with my wedding expenses as well and also help other people who are also in need of receiving donations for a good cause. If you could please e-mail me back with your expertise on how to receive wedding donations while helping others, I would be thankful.


Dear Bride-to-be,

The best way to receive donations for your wedding expenses is to start a foundation like "Trese's Fund for Victims of Bad Dye Jobs" or something equally dire and get everyone you know to donate. Keep 80% of the donations, send 10% to a bad salon, and 10% to Laura Sue Dean, c/o Whoosh, P.O. Box 445, Malibu, CA 90265-7445. Laura Sue desperately needs money to support her swingin' singles lifestyle.

big kiss for the bride,
Laura Sue


Dear Laura Sue!

Is it just a rumor or is it true (and all my past in vain efforts tell me it is) that it is simply impossible to get either Lucy's or Renee's autograph via the official addresses (you know, Sharon Delaney in Glendale, the closed P.O.Box in Austin)?

Rumor has it the only way is to go to NZ in person...

What is it that one has to do???

All the best from,

Dear Sally,

It IS just about impossible to get an autograph of Lucy or Renee..even flying to New Zealand will only guarantee a sore b*tt and dehydration. Also, a lot of the autographs that appear on Ebay can be total fakes... and any that appear fake or otherwise can be really, REALLY $$$$. My advice, contact Creation, check Sword and Staff auctions (who never sell fakes) and start a fund called "Sally's Fund for Victims of Bad Plot Devices" and keep 75% of the proceeds for purchasing autographs and send the other %25 to Laura Sue Dean, c/o Whoosh, P.O. Box 445, Malibu, CA 90265-7445.

authentically yours,
Laura Sue


If you HAVE any good dish, write me. Need a rumor confirmed, denied, or ambiguously tap danced around? I'm your gal! Just drop Laura Sue a line!

I can't print every letter, but I'll do my best to answer your questions... and report those late-breaking XWP stories!

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