Whoosh! Visit the Crossroads to the Xenaverse!



NEWS GOSSIP RUMORS
#34

By Laura Sue Dean
November 27, 2000

NEWS
GOSSIP
RUMORS
BORING RATINGS STUFF
MERCHANDISE
LETTERS TO LAURA SUE
LAURA SUE NEEDS YOU!

Happy post Thanksgiving tryptophan induced bliss all you LOYAL fans. The Xenaverse certainly has MUCH to give thanks for. Season six is turning out to be simply FAB! On top of that, you still have Laura Sue bringing you all those bits of gossip despite attempts from external forces who want to pull her away from you all (jobs from other magazines, offers from other websites, Laura Sue's parole...er...lifestyle consultant).

Laura Sue is back from a little weekend in Palm Springs and wants to state clearly for the record that she had absolutely NOTHING to do whatsoever with Robert Downey Jr's arrest over the holiday. She has no idea who phoned in that anonymous tip to the police...but she bets it was someone who wasn't too happy about not having the elevator held for them by someone who pretended not to know them and had to wait 15 minutes for the car to come back to the lobby with 80 pounds of genuine imitation Louis Vuitton luggage. Just a guess.



NEWS

COFFEE, TEA BUT NO RAIMI..[SEASON 5 SPOILER]

Joxer fans will be dismayed that despite earlier reports from Ted Raimi at the last few cons that Joxer will be returning as a ghost, Joxer will NOT be back. It seems that Ted has a temporary medical problem that makes flying ALL the way to New Zealand out of the question for a bit (allergy to those little airplane peanuts?). Laura Sue wants to wish Ted all the best health...but on another note..JOXER IS STILL DEAD! Now Laura Sue doesn't have to take valium to sleep at night.

JET SETTING PLAYBOY MAKES GOOD

Speaking of sleeping...the very dreamy Bret Rudnick, Whoosh's own international superstar (sigh) has been living it up in New Zealand. Coming to these respected web pages you shall soon see some exclusive words from Rob Tapert to his adoring public (Rob's...not Bret's). According to the God of Xena (Rob...not Bret), Whoosh is a wonderful thing and worthy of a frequent read (by Rob...and occasionally Bret). Laura Sue is overcome with joy and ready to leap into his arms with glee and plant a big ol' smooch on the fella! (well...Rob OR Bret...depending on who was closer and was holding less stuff).

BUT CAN SHE DO LIP PRINTS?

Despite earlier reports that Creation was having GREAT difficulty securing Lucy Lawless autographs..there seemed to be a GLUT of them at the Palo Alto con. There were around 20 or so and were selling for around $225. SOMEONE must have found a great pastime for Lucy on those long flights from New Zealand when the first class movie turns out to be something REALLY dull and worthless like Mission Impossible II. Knock back a few cocktails and uncap the sharpie babe!

TELEVISION FOR WOMEN

So...you've seen Xena reruns for years on USA, you're watching a daily dose on the Sci Fi channel...but WHO will take care of your Xena needs in the future? Oxygen, the women's network (not to be confused with Lifetime Television...television for women...otherwise known as "the Victim Channel") is bidding to get Xena in reruns over there. A very STRANGE move for Oxygen...once known for daringly creating a network out of ALL original new content they produce themselves (can we all chant "Pajama Party"!!!!) and no syndis. Maybe they should have lunch with Tribune Entertainment.

SOMEBODY JUST PUT A BULLET IN IT AND CALL IT A DAY

Cleopatra 2525 has been cancelled. Again. There will be a period this season where they show half hour shows. Then they will show one hour shows. Then they won't show it ANY more. Of course...you never know...but this is the OFFICIAL word. For now. Maybe. OK.



GOSSIP

THE CHANGING OF THE BARD

According to some juicy gossip just in, there has been some more changes in the writing staff again, even though we are down to the wire in production time. BUT never fear Missy Good fans. Madame Merwolf has been given another script with special instructions. Now Laura Sue has to wonder about some of the instructions that writers recieve from Rob and RJ. Do these instructions, aside from reading lists, also have field trips normally as part of them (as gossip has it for Missy)? Laura Sue has to wonder what the instructions were for MARRIED WITH FISHSTICKS..."drink a quart of grain liquor, chase it with some Ecstacy, watch the cartoon network for one week straight without sleep, and lose all self respect".

HERE'S TO LADIES WHO PUNCH...

What every girl needs this season...a Fendi bag, a pair of Prada boots, and a black belt in Tae Kwon Do. Is it just Laura Sue, or are there a LOT of chiquitas out there kicking booty all over the place? First we have the best..XENA, followed by the venerable BUFFY THE VAMPIRE SLAYER, Tia Carerra's RELIC HUNTER, the hoplessly fashionable LE FEMME NIKITA, the shamelessly T&A Pamela Lee vehicle V.I.P., then we have newcomers DARK ANGEL, QUEEN OF SWORDS, SHEENA, and the movies CHARLIE'S ANGELS and CROUCHING TIGER. It is a wonder that all those boys in the brass have finally been able to transcend their idiot ideas about action heroes having to be boys. Laura Sue hopes she will NEVER have to see another heroine fall down like a wimp conveniently while trying to run away from the bad guy..but she doubts she has seen the end of women needing to be saved (she will promptly go out and beat the producer of such a heinous pic with the heel of her genuine imitation Prada boot).

Oh...and any resemblence between Laura Sue and the new ultra-villain on BUFFY (Gloria) is purely coincidental and it should not be assumed that Laura Sue has less time because she has a good paying job with great exposure.

VIRGIL SIGHTINGS

Over on DARK ANGEL...not only do we have a character who is a Xena fan (AND she's gay...what a surprise!)...but we also have Virgil! Greg Lee (Virgil) has picked up a recurring role as Max's "brother" (the guy who was in the itty bitty military training camp for little tikes..I hear it's a proposed charter school in Michigan). Between Baywatch Hawaii and Dark Angel one could assume that Mr. Lee is getting a really full dance card and may find it hard to head on over to New Zealand. We shall SEE....



RUMORS

CONTAINS SEASON 6 SPOILERS

I FELL INTO A BURNING RING OF FIRE

Great God Almighty..they actually KISSED. No, Laura Sue is not talking about Xena and Ares..Laura Sue is OF COURSE talking about Xena and Gabrielle. Maintexters (formerly known as Subtexters) are partying down in watering holes like Meow Mix and My Sister's Room, fueled by recent episodes where Gabrielle requests burial with Xena, Xena imagines Gabrielle belly dancing in a hallucination, and Gabrielle spurns the advances of a thoroughly out-of-the-closet Brunhilde because she's with Xena. Laura Sue MUST admit...the love affair between the two main characters has definitely been back in focus this season...crisply.

Coincidentally..the ratings are back up again....but let's talk about that in a minute.

A NOTE ABOUT REALLY CLOSE FRIENDS...

So...you say..."Laura Sue..I kiss my best friend on the lips all the time...in fact...I bathe naked with my best friend as well...not to mention that we are each other's soulmate and have made a committed life together, and will be buried together." Laura Sue (who has only been known to OCCASSIONALLY kiss..and periodically tongue kiss best friends when very very tipsy) would like you to seriously re-evaluate a your relationship and buy a clue...(or stop hitting the bottle as soon as you wake up).

GABRIELLE'S SEASON 6 COSTUME-O-METER

But more importantly..the Gab O Meter costume counter is STILL rolling up the numbers. Since our last installment..the number (at Who's Gurkhan) hit 7. Now let's tally up the rest so far, shall we?

Legacy:
8. Lawrence of Arabia bedsheet Nomad Ensemble
9. ABSOLUTELY NOTHING..except heavy pixilation by some channels (sun, sand and surf provided by Xena Travel Associates)
10. Neck High Head Polo Sand Sarong (OK...this really isn't a costume..but I HAD to include it)

The Abyss:
Same Old Red Ensemble (S.O.R.E)
11. S.O.R.E. + red overcoat (canoeing outfit!) later on..accessorize with spit and disgusting cornmeal looking batter and special sauce.

The Rheingold:
S.O.R.E. (in tavern)
12. White furry wrap for sitting around writing in
13. THAT SAME OLD PATCHWORK COAT from 25 winter's ago. Now either she has great moth free storage somewhere or there is a 25 yr old greek fashion revival happening in Scandinavia!

The Ring:
14. Fabulous new fire maiden outfit with jewelry and gold leaf headband (courtesy of lovelorn suitor, Brunhilde..hey at least she has great taste in clothes)

Return of the Valkyrie:
15. Fire maiden sleeping beauty outfit plus attractive vine accessories.
16. Amazon outfit with hair extensions.

Laura Sue has been looking at the OLD ARES HAD A FARM pics and is truly frightened over Gab's trampy version of Dorothy's gingham farm girl getup. Stay tuned till after the reruns for MORE.

WELCOME BACK! SOME FAMILIAR FACES SHOWING UP...

Liz Friedman is BACK!!!!!!! Not as a producer, mind you, but as a writer for soon to be filmed TO HELICON AND BACK. Earlier, it was reported that THE LAST CENTAUR and HELICON were merged...well they are back apart again...and you can expect yet another ghost to float by in the form of Ephiny (yay! Danielle Cormack!). Also, get ready to experience the sexiness that is Claire Stansfield in the form of three Alti episodes. STICKS AND STONES (to be filmed), WHEN FATES COLLIDE (to be filmed), and SEND IN THE CLONES (already in the can!)...where she tries to kill Xena and Gabrielle in a red Pontiac Trans Am (sounds like Laura Sue's prom night).

Kevin Smith has been signed for supposedly 5 or 6 episodes. He's in COMING HOME, THE GOD YOU KNOW, OLD ARES HAD A FARM, YOU ARE THERE, and we are still working out the other one or two. They MAY have to deal with that locking up in the tomb stuff from THE XENA SCROLLS...but...has consistency EVER been an issue? Laura Sue is still figuring out how the writer's blew the whole name of Xena's father thing in HAUNTING (Orestes? Try Atrius, babe....unless Cyrene was a REAL tramp and had something going with Orestes on the side as well...as she was Xena's mother..this is highly likely.)



BORING RATINGS STUFF

EXTREMELY BRIEF RATINGS NEWS

Hey..the ratings are getting better! Despite being pre-empted for every sport broadcasted and being all over the scheduling grid...Xena has managed to pull out from that fifth season slump!!

From Zap2it.com:
Coming Home - 3.3
Haunting Of Amphipolis - 2.9
Heart Of Darkness - 3.2
Who's Ghurkan - 3.7

That's all Laura Sue has to say about ratings. She has to wash her hair now.



MERCHANDISE

JUST IN TIME FOR THE HOLIDAYS

There's a replica prop sword available through Creation:

"We've just posted a bunch of new merchandise available for the first time on-line at our site. Included: new photos, the long awaited Gabrielle hat, a Xena villians T-shirt which is beautiful, and something really special: the Pacific Renaissance prop replica of Xena's sword. Only 500 of these are available worldwide: so order now to get the valuable low numbers of the edition!"

Of course, Laura Sue is intrigued. Long awaited Gabrielle hat? Is this the hippie chick hat from LOCKED UP AND TIED DOWN? Gosh..I hope so. Laura Sue needs something for those occassional trips to San Francisco.



LETTERS TO LAURA SUE

Is it Laura Sue's uncanny resemblence to Gabrielle that has caused such a WAVE of love and devotion in her direction? This month had such a HUGE number of lovely letters that Laura Sue simply MUST share a few!



Laura Sue-

First of all, let me say, Laura Sue, that you rock. You are so on top of things. I know I can get the absolute correct story from you. A Few Words (well more than a few, how about... Five?) From Dr. Kubler-Ross...to comprehend the show's ending...Xena's Swan-Song...Pink Slips

So, do I understand correctly that the show is ending? I think that's what you were getting at, unless I misunderstand you. Or, do you mean the latest season is almost over, in a few months, and then there will be more, many more, episodes? Could that be it? That's it, isn't it?

Carry on and on --

B

Thanks B....

I try...I try...I have the collection of used up under-eye concealers from hiding my exhaustion from covering this fast paced Xena beat.

And YES...season 6 is the LAST season of Xena. No more...it's over....bu bye. Laura Sue hopes you get past that bargaining stage REAL soon.

smooch,
Laura Sue



Laura Sue--

We must know... you must tell us... How will it all end? Any thoughts on possible series finales? My guess is that they (being the gifted producers) are going to push each and every last envelope on the planet-- (as if they haven't already)... and that Xena and Gabrielle will finally, after six long arduous seasons of will they won't they? Are they, aren't they?-- consummate the relationship on screen on a VERY obvious (none of this The Quest stuff) physical plane. That's our prediction. It's building itself gradually into that-- or so it would seem. We think it would be terribly disappointing if the characters were left in limbo as to the true status of their relationship...

Voracious Upbeat Fans of Xena

Dearest Voracious Upbeat Fans of Xena,

Laura Sue's crystal ball has been changing almost daily with visions of the season finale. Laura Sue can simply NOT figure out whether this is because of a bad crystal ball DSL uplink connection or because those famously fickle producers in New Xenaland keep changing their d*mn minds! Nevertheless...the visions are sometimes planted in Japan (Xena invents sushi?) and sometimes elsewhere. Will they or won't they? One could argue that it simply CAN'T be much more clearer what there relationship is from this season's many passionate exchanges...but it always AMAZES Laura Sue how many people claim that they, too, like to leave open mouth kiss-prints on goodbye notes to those same best friends with breathless ending phrases like "my love for you is endless". Uh huh. And Laura Sue is up for an Oscar this year.

Laura Sue finds it extremely ironic (and also is very flattered) that someone from the media would come to HER for information about the series finale. Heck! Laura Sue would like to just work at the Craft Services table.

*Loved* the article, by the way...

Lipstick smeary purely platonic smooches,
Laura Sue Dean



Howdy! Just discovered Whoosh (new internet user!) I must say, you are nuts! Brilliantly nuts! I appreciate your insanity and look forward to going over all your old stuff. Question: my girlfriend and I have been considering taking a bike trip to NZ for the past several years. Now that XWP cancellation is a reality I better figure this trip out and quick. How can two adoring bike riding Xena fans get on the set of XWP? Can I be an extra somewhere? Can I do a "fan" interview for whoosh. Just will it take? Any advice?

Fellow nut.

Dearest Nut,

Clinically, my doctors will agree with you.

The Xena set is closed and VERY hard to crash. Laura Sue wouldn't recommend this as it makes them all very grumpy over there. Extras have to be kiwi...due to cost/taxes/strong desire to have local accents in the background. Maybe you could quickly emigrate? As for fan interviews...we've got that covered with Bret Rudnick (sigh). Laura Sue would love to get on the set...but there is still that restraining order...so...

Good Luck!

-Laura Sue



Hi Laura,

I was just wondering if there are any rumors circling about Xena and Ares tying the knot by the show's cancellation?

Sincerely,
A True Romantic


Dear True Romantic,

Well, honey, there is about a one in a BILLION chance of that ever happening...unless you are talking about some light bondage?

Just kidding, as always!
Laura Sue



LAURA SUE NEEDS YOU!

If you HAVE any good dish, write me. Need a rumor confirmed, denied, or ambiguously tap danced around? I'm your gal! Just drop Laura Sue a line!

I can't print every letter, but I'll do my best to answer your questions... and report those late-breaking XWP stories!



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