AS THE EXCITEMENT OF THE TV FEBRUARY SWEEPS becomes nothing more than a few stale cheesy poofs wedged in the sofa, Hollywood is all a-tingle with pre-Oscar excitement!
SPEAKING OF OSCAR... LSD overheard that E! execs have IX-Nayed any pre-red carpet 'adult beverages' for a certain 'ageless' interviewer. They (and everyone else watching) noticed that she's been a little 'wobbly' the last few outings and they want to keep her from falling off the podium and hurting herself (or someone else!) this year. This 'ageless' reporter says let her drink!!! If she does, maybe all us aspiring actresses can catch a break for once and the lady will fall smack on top of Julia Roberts! SOMEONE, ANYONE...PLEASE? Call it community service... give me a break! (literally)
UNTIL THAT BIG BREAK COMES... all my adoring fans will have to get their fix here, in that little corner of the Xenaverse known as... NEWS, GOSSIP, RUMORS!
LAURA SUE IS SPENDING SOME QUALITY TIME HOUSE SITTING for a certain friend of a friend in New York City who seems to be having problem unloading her co-op apartment after she was forced to go back to Hollywood to work on a TV show that made her buy the NY apartment in the first place. (ahem) Of course, Laura Sue is more than happy to take the time to do the audition circuit in the Big Bagel, as well as working on a few industrials (she will soon be appearing in the gripping, drama filled direct-to-video piece "Working Girls: Dressing for Success and Appropriate Attire for Business Associates" for a major pharmaceutical company in New Jersey.) There are good things and bad things about living in New York: the good thing is that they deliver EVERYTHING here (really, Laura Sue didn't leave home for two weeks and had it all sent up...even dental floss), the BAD thing is that television absolutely LIES about the size of the apartments here. The apartment on "Friends" simply does NOT exist. The apartments are about 20 times smaller...even the apartments of actors in ABC prime time comedies. Of course, Xena fans are used to things on TV not coming true. (Laura Sue is still bitter about that whole lipstick "holding up in underwater dungeons-thing".)
ONE GREAT THING ABOUT NEW YORK is that you get non-stop guests if you don't show any backbone or exercise any taste. My guest for this coming weekend (the rumor that I was subletting a room is just that...a vicious rumor...I make it a rule NEVER to sublet when housesitting. How gauche!) will be none other than WHOOSH! editor Kym Taborn. She can attest to all I write of this day. Her imminent arrival also inspired me to not only do some housework but also to get some work done (she does have a tendency to whine when there has been an NGR lapse, she's so needy that way!) and churn out this gem of inspiration and cold hard journalistic prose...can you tell that I allow Times reporters to crash here as well? Can you tell that while I am all but passed out on the couch, a Times pal is typing away like those elves that made those things for that cobbler in the middle of night when he had the mother of all hangovers too? Um, well maybe it had to do with him being poor and all or whatever. The important thing is that the work was done and not by him!
NO ONE SHOULD BELIEVE THAT LAURA SUE'S PRESENCE ON THAT OTHER COAST has ANYTHING to do with her ex-landlord Charlie Sheen's hissy fit about having to drain his pool and fix the filter... which had been clogged by a certain lacy underthing. As she vehemently explained to Charlie, (and the authorities) Laura Sue has no recollection (sadly) of such an event and is certain that there are enough OTHER "likely suspects" who are NOT living in his pool house that with a propensity for disrobing in inappropriate places. Talk about being in the wrong place at the wrong time! If LSD had a nickle for every time this happened... well, let's just say she wouldn't be putting it in Tech Stocks!
ENOUGH ABOUT LSD, HMMM? Let's get down to it shall we... There are SO many rumors this month! But first, the news...
I WANT MY XENA TV!!
On an (personally) exciting note, Laura Sue has been actively involved in the on-air live Xena chats on the Oxygen network. Every Wednesday at 6PM est, Oxygen shows their usual daily Xena ep, accompanied by live commentary from their Xena chat room being posted along a black bar on the bottom of the TV screen. (Think: TRL with peanut gallery scroll) The effect is a (typically) very funny Rocky-Horroresque version of the show. Because of some "favors" she offered the producers, Laura Sue's wacky (or is it Zany?) and oh-so witty comments have been getting posted quite a bit (Charlie? Are you reading???)... so watch along Weds nights... and join in! We can dish the dish together at the Xena chat... know wha' I'm sayin'????
OF COURSE YOU KNOW...THIS MEANS WAR...
In case you didn't know, AND you don't get OXYGEN -- after this sixth season ends (sob!) Oxygen has the exclusive rights to air the Xena reruns in the US. Of course, only about five cable companies in the US carry Oxygen as part of their basic package...So this means... WAR! Xenites need to ORGANIZE and start pestering their cable companies to carry OXYGEN channel if they want to see the reruns. (Not to mention, LSD Chat!)
They've even made it easy- Go to: http://giveme.oxygen.com and fill out the form thingee to send to your cable provider, demanding they make OXYGEN available for you. Tell them to get rid of one of the (BORING!) 24/7 news channels, or one of the SPORTS (yawn) ones...like the GOLF channel? What about the Outdoor LIVING channel? Laura Sue says, Get a CLUE! ALL the people who would be interested in that drivel are OUTSIDE!!!!! Not near their cable TV! DUH! Okay. Enough ranting, you have your orders -- now move and GET OUT XENA TV!
THERE'S SOMETHING FUNNY ABOUT THE SHAPE OF THE GUNS ON THAT SHOW...
Bruce Campbell will be presumably be donning something skin tight and jumping onboard the (incredibly life-like, sorta) "Hercules in Space" show, (aka Andromeda). Michael Hurst will also be making an appearance in a different episode. Laura Sue is irritably dismayed that the spaceship on this show is embodied in a woman who walks around and interacts with the crew. What if your car turned into a person and followed you around all day AND looked better than you? Laura Sue would be mighty p-o'd if her sporty red jeep suddenly started pressing her to visit Jiffy Lube once a week. Really.
BUT IS THE MOVIE PAPER TRAINED?
The Price Of Milk, that New Zealand film export starring Xena alums Danielle McCormack, Karl Urban and Willa O'Neill, is currently playing in New York to mixed, although mostly upbeat reviews. The most vivid review comes from Tor Thorsen of Reel.com: "The Price Of Milk is the film equivalent of a big, shaggy sheep dog: a tad clumsy and a speck smelly, but you can't help petting the lovable fella.". Um....such a silver-tongued POET, that man is.
SURELY THEY USED ENOUGH POSTAGE...
The wrap party for cast and crew down under for that TV show we appear to be obsessed about will be in late March. Filming has reportedly already wrapped for both Unit 1 and Unit 2. All that remains to be done is the editing! Back to the wrap party, Laura Sue can't help but imagine why her invite has not arrived, AGAIN! Hopefully it had something to do with her temporary change of address. If someone from Ren Pics would please e-mail their favorite online reporter (that would be LAURA SUE), she will send them her NYC address. However, if Laura Sue cannot make it to the wrap party, she might try to cajol that jet-setting playboy WHOOSH! roving reporter Bret Rudnick to let LSD accompany him to New Zealand during his next trip! And speaking of Bret, which Laura Sue does as often as she can, big congrats are due him for SOMEHOW getting the entire issue of Whoosh #54 all to himself...hmmmm...buying the boss dinner again, huh, Bret? I think I am going to try that THIS weekend!).
JOXER AND EVE, TOGETHER AGAIN!
The weekend of March 30 to April 1, the I-Con 20 Science Fiction, Fact and Fantasy Convention will be taking place at Stony Brook University in Long Island, New York. Appearing will be Ted Raimi (Joxer) and Adrienne Wilkinson (Eve), as well as guests from Farscape and that upcoming other New Zealand export: Lord of the Rings. Go to http://www.iconsf.org for more info.
MEANWHILE, THAT VERY SAME WEEKEND...
Remember Rubbernecking, that movie Renee O'Connor did in between seasons a couple years back? (still trying to get distribution) Well...it is going to be screened at the New York International Independent Film and Video Festival on April 1st 2001 at the El Tinker, French Institute, at 22 East 60th Street (Between Park & Madison Ave.). General Admission tickets are $10. For industry/press passes (Distributor or Press) please fax a request on letterhead to (212) 387-0873. As it is Laura Sue's personal opinion that Ms. O'Connor is one of the finest actresses in the Known World, Laura Sue will be there with bells on (as soon as she finishes that forgery of credentials on Miramax stationary.)
WHAT EVER WILL SHE WEAR?
Sword and Staff and the Southern California Xenites will be hosting a big old charity soiree the Friday night of the Pasadena Convention (May 4th) at the Hilton. The event will include Dinner, Music (spun by the glorious DJWP) and Dancing (Amazon, Greek or otherwise). The event is from 7:00 PM till 2:00 AM and benefits A World Fit For Kids (which Kevin Sorbo is the spokeperson for). For more info, you can go to http://sword-and-staff.com/dinner.htm.
Oh...and for all those charitable folks out there (and we know that Xena Fans ARE) remember that the Safe and Sound Appeal is officially closed. They are asking that you NOT send checks to them for that purpose. If you would like to support the Starship Foundation and the Starship Hospital, they are announcing a new initiative to celebrate the 10th Anniversary of the Starship Children's Hospital. Details follow below and can also be found on the Sword and Staff website at http://sword-and-staff.com.
WHICH PAGE IS THE KISS ON?
As rumored, there is indeed a big old Xena/Gabrielle smooch in the script of the now-scrapped Sappho episode penned by arguably the most popular writer in the Xenaverse, Missy Good. The episode, finally called LAST CHANCE was to be a big old bizarre disco musical spectacle with some STRONG appeals to the subtexters. It was eighty-sexed (oops, faux pas?) due to some musical legal entanglements (and no, it had NOTHING to do with Napster). The script, HOWEVER, is available at a silent online auction (Erm...how can an online auction be anything BUT silent?), benefiting the American Cancer Society at http://www.xenamultimedia.com/special/auction. The script (signed by Missy) will not be available till after June 1 2001. The deadline for entering in your bids by midnight EST on Sunday, April 29, 2001 (US).
MERWOLF OF THE JUNGLE?
Speaking of Missy, it has been reported earlier here on WHOOSH! that XENA Fan-Fiction prodigy Missy Good is currently working on a SHEENA script, tentatively called FERAL KING. For those Sheena fans, fear not...she will be back for at least another 13 more episodes of swinging around the foliage in flawless makeup next year!
WHO'S IN AND WHO'S OUT FOR 2001
We've lost a few b*tt-kicking chick action shows this year (but, hey, we had a LOT this year)...but we'll be keeping a few...and there's one new hopeful for 2001. Xena, Queen of Swords, Cleopatra 2525, and the ridiculously horrible Black Scorpion all have been cancelled. Sheena, Relic Hunter, and Dark Angel have all been picked up. Witchblade, the NYC policewoman with the super gauntlet (based on the best selling Top Cow comic) will be premiering in the summer with 11 episodes on TNT. Laura Sue actually enjoyed the pilot movie (having never read the comic), but is still puzzled as to why the lead character prefers men's underwear when there are so many more pool-filter-clogging styles that are far more attractive.
GOSSIP SO OLD THAT IT ACTUALLY CREAKS
Recently the UK Times dredged up this moldy oldy: "Fans mourning the death of Xena: Warrior Princess received a glimmer of hope this week. Lucy Lawless, who played the title role in the recently axed television show, is the hot favourite to portray Wonder Woman, the mother of all super-heroines. The comic book character inspired a much-loved television series in the Seventies, starring Lynda Carter, but previous plans for Wonder Woman to join her DC Comics stablemates Batman and Superman on the big screen have floundered. Now, the producer Joel Silver (Die Hard, Lethal Weapon) has hired the screenwriter Todd Alcotto to prepare a script that will finally transform the Amazon adventuress into a fully-fledged cinema franchise."
So, we've heard all this about this same Wonder Woman movie years before and Lucy Lawless was uninterested back then. Let us assume that this is still true. As much as Laura Sue wants to see Wonder Woman succeed (Laura Sue has a great attachment for that outfit), she would also like to see Ms. Lawless avoid the pitfalls of typecasting (breastplate, armbands, black hair, blue eyes..all she needs is the little blonde sidekick).
AND OFF TO L.A., RENEE?
Katherine Fugate, the scriptwriter that wrote the soon to be aired episode WHEN FATES COLLIDE has written a movie called Carolina Torn Asunder. The film starts shooting in LA in mid April and stars Julia Stiles (Save the Last Dance) and the cast includes such acting heavies as academy award winner Kathy Bates (Misery) and possibly...Ms. Renee O'Connor. According to Ms. Fugate:"We are still casting the male romantic lead. Renee has read the script and she is the first one on the list for the supporting role. As the producers said, with you in her corner, and because you haven't asked for anything else, unless Renee is dead wrong for the part, she's got an excellent chance of getting it. But, Renee would only be in three scenes, though all acting opposite the leads. Acting opposite these stars is no letdown. But that's a decision for Renee and her agents to make."
Word of Renee's involvement could come any day now. (YAY Renee!!) Of course..that is only a couple of weeks after the Xena wrap party. Ms. O'Connor might need a few weeks of therapy to recover from years of being beat up, dragged, shot with arrows, and dressed in next to nothing. She will probably want a part where she lies around on a soft divan wearing sweats and being fanned by muscular young men in loincloths. At least, that is what Laura Sue would like to do for a few weeks.
TED RAIMI RESUME UPDATE
Ted Raimi will not be appearing in VIP as previously reported, but has gotten a directing gig for a music video for a Detroit band. (Michigan...again!) Despite the rumor that Joxer will appear in the season ender, it appears that after shooting a couple more eps in New Zealand last month, Ted is done with Xena. Never fear, Raimi fans...the Tedster will be playing a Bugle reporter named Hoffman in his brother's upcoming SPIDER-MAN flick.
TALKING TO AN ACTOR'S AGENT IS NOT THE SAME AS HIRING THEM...
Despite all the tit-illating rumors being passed around (like three bean salad at a potluck) that Hudson Leick would be starring opposite Renee O'Connor...and then Paris Jefferson (Athena) as lovers, it turns out that this simply is not the case. Hudson Leick has flatly denied at the New York Convention that she is involved, or knows anything at all about the King Production ("not a typical lesbian film"), "Several Devils". Earlier, WHOOSH was notified by a representative from King Productions that "Hudson Leick has agreed to play the role of Monica." Note to producer: double check with the actors before making an announcement. Note to webmaster at King Productions: the word "current" has 2 r's in it.
I'M ALSO CONSIDERING SPIELBERG TO DIRECT...
According to a hilariously tawdry "The Encyclopedia of Lesbian Movie Scenes" (ah, yes...another one for Britannica), the director for the rumored upcoming Tropical Storm (Missy Good Uber) tv-series said that there were considering the following actresses for the roles of Dar and Kerry. Dar: Michelle Forbes (currently has a full time gig in "The District" on CBS), Yancy Butler (who will be starring in her own new TNT series "Witchblade"this summer), Nancy McKeon (who played the sporty "Jo" on the 80's TV series "Facts of Life") Kerry: Alexandra Tydings (Aphrodite), Elizabeth Mitchell (currently playing the cute gay psychiatrist on the high paying hit "ER"), Christina Cox (the butch blonde artist with the van in "Better than Chocolate").
Hmmm...maybe this site should also consider Renee O'Connor and Lucy Lawless...I mean, why not after that long rundown of candidates? If you are only considering people for a role...then GO for it, right? Of course, bear in mind that there is enough speculation on that website to make even the most naive reader really consider taking everything they read with not just a grain of salt...but maybe a whole 50lb bag. I mean...this is the same site that claims Julia Roberts is gay. Puh-lease!!
CONTAINS SEASON 6 SPOILERS
THE END IS NEAR..SPOILERS FOR SEASON 6 (SPECULATION)
**Move on down to the Gab Costume-O-Meter if you are spoiler phobic -- click here** There is still no clear picture of what POSSIBLY could happen in the series ender. Earlier rumors that Alti and Callisto MAY be in the JAPAN arc has been dismissed since Claire Stansfield has stated that FATES will be Alti's last episode. There are conflicting reports that Japan is simply a code word to throw the fans off and it has nothing to do with Japan, and that they actually HAVE been spotted setting up a pre-Mycenaean sushi bar on set. Whatever could it be? Also, both Bruce Campbell and Ted Raimi have alluded earlier that they were going to be in the season ender. There is nothing to substantiate this. According to Josh Becker, director of SOUL POSSESSION:"The atmosphere on the set was great; I believe that a good time was had by all. There were a few teary celebrations: Renee had her birthday, it was Kevin Smith's last ep, Ted Raimi's last ep, George Lyle, the 1st assistant director's, last ep, as well as Simon Riera, the D.P. and my last ep, too. Nevertheless, I think all concerned did very humorous work and it ought to be a rather funny episode."
That would effectively quash any hearsay about Joxer showing up in the final episode as a ghostly weather balloon, following the ladies around. Still, we will be seeing a few of the old crew onscreen before the end comes around. Kevin Smith, Danielle Cormack, Alexandra Tydings, Claire Stansfield, and Ted Raimi will all be present in one or more of the last seven episodes. The replacement for the Sappho script is MANY HAPPY RETURNS, penned by Liz Friedman and Vanessa Place (TO HELICON AND BACK) which will feature Aphrodite. Ted will not appear in this episode either (as reported when this was originally the TOPPER episode). According to a very juicy rumor floating around the lists, Missy Good may still have some involvement in the season ender. Will that kiss from Last Chance end up somewhere else, perchance? We shall see.
BIG OLD FINALE RUMOUR!
Okay...everybody remember to BREATHE when Laura Sue says this..as a matter of fact, you should all sit down and meditate for a second or two. Okay...here's the rumour(sit...breathe!): according to several sources, one of the scripts for the season finale has Xena killed off by samurai warriors at the end. Breathe. Now Laura Sue would like to remind everyone that the sources cannot verify that this was the final script. She would also like to point out that given the secrecy of the season ender, Mr. Tapert is KNOWN to be devious and deliberately try to mislead fans to keep them from knowing the truth (that sly devil). Finally, Xena has died TWICE and come back to life unscathed (although once she was pregnant). So, Laura Sue's advice to all is to just assume that the ender will be a big surprise...but buy tissues and a pint of ice cream just in case it gets too emotional (and try to find that resilient waterproof eye makeup that STILL eludes this reporter!).
GAB SEASON 6 COSTUME-O-METER
ON TO THE REALLY IMPORTANT THINGS!
As of Return of the Valkyrie, our dearest clothes-horse, Gabrielle was up to SIXTEEN...yes, 16, different costumes/wardrobe variations. Truly, for a gal who couldn't seem to lose that Bilious Green Sports bra for years, she has certainly become a crazed fashion diva. Gabby had no apparent need to change during Dangerous Prey and You Are There.
OLD ARES HAD A FARM
17. Daisy Duke style lacey, frilly gingham farmgirl set with matching do-rag.
18. Last ensemble stripped down to a polka dot brassiere and lacey, frilly skirt.
THE GOD YOU KNOW.
19. Gauzey peach/faded red wrap with "I am totally incognito" pillbox hat.
20. The "Amazon Dance of Fire" beige bikini with spangly gold charm bracelets.
PATH OF VENGEANCE
21. Usual WWF velvet costume but with weighty, neck traumatizing, chiropractor summoning amazon tribal council necklace.
22. Buckskin bikini with Gabby "The Hurricane" boxing handwraps.
TO HELICON AND BACK
23. Buckskin bikini "Look I'm Still the Queen" outfit with heavy beaded accessories and necklace plus poofy furry wristbands
24. Buckskin bikini amazon swimming costume with strap-on (sword).
BORING RATINGS STUFF
According to Variety last week concerning the middle of the February ratings sweeps, "Some other veteran weeklies also perked up for the week, with ``X-Files'' repeats moving up 15 percent week-to-week to 3.9, tying rookie actioner ``Gene Roddenberry's Andromeda,'' which was flat, for second in the category. ``Xena,'' up 15 percent, was next at 3.8" Now as mch as Laura Sue's ears perked up to hear that Xena was doing well, we must bear in mind that this time last year the show was pulling down 4.0's and above. In it's heyday it clobbered the competition in the Syndicated market and hit the 5.0's and above.
So, here's what the last round of episodes did, according to Zap2It TV News (The ratings for TO HELICON AND BACK are not available, and PATH OF VENGEANCE did not make the top 25 so it was not listed):Old Ares 3.5
Dangerous Prey 3.3
The God You Know 3.8
You Are There 3.8
There..that ought to hold all those statistic buffs. (ugh)
There are two new fab T-shirts up at the Creation site...along with two new posters. The new Xena t-shirt is tan with a photo of her in that sexy amazon outfit from Dangerous Prey. The new Gabrielle t-shirt is her in her standard WWF silver and red velvet ensemble on a matching red shirt. The posters are the same pics (only bigger, on paper, and you can't wear them..or at least..not easily). Other than this...Laura Sue has not heard of many new items FLOODING the merchandise market at this late date.
LETTERS TO LAURA SUE
Dear Laura Sue:
Have enjoyed your columns. Thanks.
With Xena winding down myself and other fans have been looking for other good shows to grab our attention. Since we haven't seen any we thought we would make up a few of our own. Here's hoping you like the ideas, bring them to a producer, and get a great job.
The J.D.Robb "Death In" series of books would make great movies,t.v. series, whatever. Hudson Leick as Eve, Kevin Smith as Roarke. Check them out. I'm sure there's a role for Laura Sue somewhere.
Renaissance Pictures doing any Julie Garwood historical. Hallmark tried it once and totally blew it. They just didn't get how to bring larger than life characters to the screen. I bet Laura Sue can do larger than life.
Oh thank you...Laura Sue loves it when some of her little adoring fans suggest wonderful parts that she'd be "Perfect" for. (She also likes to consider herself larger than life.) You know, it seems that positively EVERYONE has jumped on the "cast Hudson Leick in things" bandwagon...(and really, when does the "Cast LSD in things" bandwagon come to town?) so we can probably find a producer for the series, cast it completely, and they wouldn't even have to tell anyone about it!
Thanks for the ideas!
I WAS VERY HAPPY TO HAVE FOUND YOUR WEBSITE. FOR EVERY OTHER SITE CONSISTS OF WEB MASTERS TRYING SO HARD TO BE TRULLY A XENA FAN ( MIND YOU I LOVE THEIR STUFF AND AM VERY THANKFULL FOR THE TIME THEY HAVE PUT ON GIVING OTHERS A PLACE TO XENA THEMSELVES TO DEATH). YOUR SITE IN JUST 'QUELQUE CHOSE DE NOUVEAU". I COULD NOT STOP LAUGHING WHILE READING ALL YOUR "RUMORS" SITE . ANYWAY THANKS FOR YOUR WONDERFUL OUTLOOK.AND MERCI FOR SHARING YOUR CREATIVITY.
PS. FOR GREAT GENUINE FAUX LV, GUCCI,ETC. TRY AN LSD TRIP TO MOROCCCO!!! A LA PROCHINE!!
My Dearest Exotic-Sounding Caps Lock Fan,
"AN LSD TRIP TO MOROCCO"... my, how *colorful* that would be! Thanks for the shopping tip! Laura Sue loves genuine faux articles - it's one of her BEST qualities! Unfortunately, Laura Sue has NO idea what you mean about some of the other stuff...but it all sounds terribly fashionable... and sexy... and so... "Laura Sue"! (And, darling...) LSD simply ADORES when you speak French! KISS-KISS!!
adiewww, Laura Sue l'Dean
LAURA SUE NEEDS YOU!
If you HAVE any good dish, write me. Need a rumor confirmed, denied, or ambiguously tap danced around? I'm your gal! Just drop Laura Sue a line!
I can't print every letter, but I'll do my best to answer your questions... and report those late-breaking XWP stories!
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