_____________ ____________ ____________ * / R \ */ \ */ \ * | E ______ | *\____ ____/ *| ________/ * | S |******| | ****| |*** *| F |******** * | I | *| | *| | *| U |____ * | S ~~~~~~~ / *| I | *| T \ * | T ____ \ *| S | *| I ____/ * | A |*** \ \ *| | *| L |*** * | N | * \ \ ___*| |____ *| E | * | C | * \ \/ \ *| | * \__E_/ * \___/______________/ *\____/ ***** **** ************** ***** P.O. Box 7822 Oxnard, CA 93031 THE OFFICIAL ORGAN OF THE GALACTIC BORG CONSCIOUSNESS ISSUE NUMBER 15 December 1993 RESISTANCE IS FUTILE ("RIF") is published and edited by Oxnardus and Ripley for distribution on various national electronic services and local electronic BBS echos. Address listings, copyright notices, editorial notices, and information on back issues are printed at the end of this newsletter. All correspondence should be sent by e-mail to Oxnardus or Ripley (addresses given at end of newsletter) or mailed to "Resistance is Futile", P.O. Box 7822, Oxnard, CA 93031. ========= CONTENTS ========= YOU WILL BE ASSIMILATED: Christmas Gift Guide DE-SCENT, Part 2 of 2 STAR TREK: THE NEXT (de)GENERATION WHERE NO SANE MAN WOULD GO Part 5 of 6 Borgs Across The World: Fal, Cahuna of Australia SUBSCRIPTION SERVICE & LISTING OF RIF DISTRIBUTION SITES Editorial Notices Copyright Notices Solicitations for next newsletter Back issues of RIF available Addresses of contributors ======================= YOU WILL BE ASSIMILATED ======================= Christmas 1993 Gift Guide VIDEO GAMES: If you own a video game system, you are in luck, no matter what system you own, there should be a Star Trek game available. NES: Star Trek: TNG Gameboy: Star Trek 25th Anniversary, Star Trek TNG Super NES: Star Trek: TNG (soon) Sega Genesis: Star Trek: TNG (explore over 3000 worlds) IBM & MAC: Star Trek Follow up to 25th Anniversary game. MICROMACHINES: YES, YOU TO CAN OWN A BORG CUBE! IT'S SMALL, PLASTIC, AND COMES WITH A ROMULAN WAR BIRD AND KLINGON BATTLE CRUSER FOR 5 BUCKS! also available the Star Trek pack, and the Movie Pack. (No NCC 1701-D to be found) PLAYMATE TOYS: This line is growing, from a large Enterprise to play with including sounds, a Klingon Battlecruser, A TRICORDER and expanded line of Action Figures (INCLUDING LOCUTUS, WORF'S WOMAN (isn't she dead?) and Admiral McCoy) that should make any little or big trekkie (THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS A TREKKER) Happy. BORG CHRISTMAS TOONS! Jingle Borg ----------- Dashing thru the Universe On an one collective Borg Cube Down to Wolf 359 we go Assimilating all the way, HA HA HA HA Klaxxon's on Federation Ships ring Filling Picard up with Fright Oh what fun it is to laugh and sing and Assimilate Tonight Assimilate, Assimilate, Assimilate all the way Oh what fun it is to laugh and sing and Assimilate tonight hey, Assimilate, Assimilate, Assimilate all the way Oh what fun it is to laugh and sing and assimilate Picard tonight! Santa Borg is comming to assimilate ----------------------------------- You better watch out You better not cry You better not resist Were telling you why Santa Borg is comming to assimilate. We see you when your sleeping we see you when your awake we know when you been bad or good AND WERE STILL ASSIMILATING YOU FOR COLLECTIVE SAKE! You better watch out You better not cry You better not resist Were telling you why Santa Borg is comming.... Santa Borg is comming.... Santa Borg is comming to Assimilate =============== DE-SCENT Part 2 =============== Hareware Productions semi-proudly presents: "De-Scent II" A parody of ST:TNG's "Descent, Part 2" By Leonard Richardson --------------------- WARNING: The following parody deals with such topics as body odor and being turned into a maniacal killing machine. For this reason, we voluntarily rate this parody PG. SHAMELESS PLUG: Call Da Warren BBS (805) 854-2478 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ "Last Time" Voice: Last time, on Silly Trek: The Next Generation: Patrick Stewart: A lot of very silly things happened and this ended up happening because of it. Data: A funny thing happened to me on the way to the observatory... "And Now" Voice: And now, the exciting conclusion. TEASER: Data: I got a ticket for going Warp 4 in the impulse lane! Picard, Geordi, and Troi: Aaaagh! What an awful joke! Geordi: And the tricorder indicates we're in a HP parody! We'll be covered in them by the time it's over! Troi: (in awe, or maybe it's just the new perfume) Data! I can smell you! Lore: Yes! I have given him the ability to have body odor! Picard: Data, is this true? Lore: (Hitler voice) I'm tavking to you! I've helvped Data break free! Just as I've helped ze Borg! Picard: How about that, Data! He won't even let me talk to you! Lore: You may direct your complaints to me, Picard! Picard: But I don't like you! Lore: So what? I don't like you either! In fact, I better start being mean to you now! Take them away! Bill Clinton: Hi! I'm Bill Clinton, making my bus tour to sell my new health care plan! (Walks over to Ensign Cameo) Hi there! What's your name? Ensign Cameo: Ensign Cameo. Bill Clinton: Did you know that your present insurance plan doesn't cover bad body odor? What if you were to be laid off? Ensign Cameo: What are you talking about? I'm only here for the one episode! Bill Clinton: Agh! Foiled again! Crusher: Any word from the away team? Ensign Nolines:Nope. Ensign Beavis: The Borg ship is approaching sir, huhhuhhuhhhhuh. Crusher: Crusher to Transporter Chief Goofyname! Start beaming up the away teams! Ensign Beavis: The Borg ship is powering up weapons! Crusher: Fire, Ensign Beavis. Ensign Beavis: FIRE! FIREFIREFIRE! Leiutenant Roastbeef: No detectable damage to the Borg ship! Crusher: That's because he never fired the phasers! Crusher: Agh! Somebody fire! Crusher: I meant somebody on our side! Who's at the weapons station? Leiutenant Roastbeef: We don't have any other officers on the ship! They're all on the surface looking for Data! Crusher: Call in Guinan! Ensign Cameo: Call in Guinan! Crusher: Quick, Guinan, fire the phasers! Guinan: Patience, doctor, or something wise like that. Crusher: What do you mean by that? Guinan: I mean I can't find the right button! Crusher: ARGH! Crusher: That was easy. Leiutenant Roastbeef: Sensors indicate that the special effects team was renting the model by the hour and didn't want to go over budget. Crusher: Yes, a captain must do many things they might regret, but the one unforgivable sin is to go over budget. That's why we have cheesy acting like this, to take up time. <> ACT 1 Worf: I found the observ- building! Riker: Great! Now, how do we get in? Riker: Whew! That was close! Worf: I ripped my pants. Leonard Richardson: (suddenly appearing) Hey, did you know that if you pound on the mouse pad with a glass the cursor moves all over? Riker: Shut up and get on with writing the parody! I don't want to be stuck in this tree for the rest of my life! Riker: HEEEEEEELP! Worf: Riker: Shut up! Data: Come with me, Geordi. Geordi: Why? Data: Because I'm Doctor Data! I will be playing ducks and drakes with your very existance! Your life will be in the hands of my tools! But never fear! With my expertise, I'll pull you through! Geordi: Like I said, why? Data: (takes off coat and glasses) Because I have lots of Borg with guns pointed at you. Geordi: That's a much better reason. Geordi: You know, Data, you really ought to try cologne. Data: I am attempting to disable your sense of smell. Geordi: Hey, remember that one time when we went to that pickup bar on Orion? What a bummer. Data: A complete record of the experience is stored in my memory banks. Geordi: Yeah, I was afraid of that. Data: This device will attempt to gather information on the organic matrix in your brain that causes body odor. Geordi: Data, you can't do this! Data: However, there is a 60% chance that you will not survive the procedure. Geordi: This wasn't the kind of dramatic tension I wanted in my contract! Data: (shaking head) I am getting some abnormal readings from your organic matrix. Someone will take you back to your cell. Geordi: (to TV audience) I'd like to take this time to remind you that, what with Christmas coming up, I'd like a warp coil phase inducer, a teddy Wookie, and some "Brut." Picard: Boy, it's a good thing that nifty deoderion wave we made triggered Data's ethical program! Troi: How can you tell? Picard: I was watching the rerun. Troi: I told you to leave it on the football game! Lore: So, how's life? Data: I am not making much progress with La Forge. His matrix is giving off anamolous readings. Lore: What else is new? Data: I have betrayed them. Lore: So what, they're wimps anyway. Data: Lore: I don't think you can handle all the body odor I've been allowing you. Maybe I should cut down. Data: No! Agh! Data: AAAAAAH! I smell minty fresh! NOOOO! Lore: Then you prefer to smell worse? Data: Yes! Lore: All right, a little worse. Lore: Kreosote! Lore: I am worried about my brother, Kreosote. Kreosote: I'm not your brother. Lore: Shut up. <> ACT 2 Riker: Blue! Worf: Blue: (a mouth opens in the pie and talks) You again! Why can't you leave me alone! First you do a stupid parody about me, then another one! Riker: We're sorry! It's not our fault! Blue: After I was phasered, the other Borg experienced it, and they too were brought into the silly parody. This had the effect of totally discombobulating their stuffyness programs. They wandered lonely in space until this man came! Blue: He promised us salvation! But we weren't THAT desperate. So then this one came. Blue: Oops, wrong slide. THIS one came. Blue: HE promised us salvation through bad body odor, and we followed him! But this was the result! Blue: He started experimenting on us, turning us into awful rappers with body odor bad enough to kill at close range and inane lyrics bad enough to kill at distances of up to 2 miles! We eventually snuck away and hid in here! So you see, Commander, I don't especially welcome your prescence! Riker: Our away team is trapped in the compound. Will you at least show us a way in? Blue: Oh, sure. Anytime. Lore: (to TV audience) Hi, folks! I know you've all been waiting for the exciting conclusion and maybe a touching moment or two, but first, I'd like to thank Dr. Soong, Gene Roddenberry, Brent Spiner, who did a great job playing me in Datalore by the way, and all the little people who made all this possible! And now I'd like to say a few words-- Picard: Oh, hurry up! If you try to get any more information out of Geordi you'll kill him! Lore: I'm not here for him! I'm here for you! Picard: Where's that suggestion box again? Lore: It is time to test your loyalty, Data. I want you to kill Picard. Data: No. He... has a contract for this season. Lore: I didn't think you'd be able to do it! (To the Borg, Southern drawl) I have asked you to make sacrifices! Sacrifices that I knew were neccesary! (normal voice) And now I will make the greatest sacrifice of all! Picard: What, you'll shut up? Lore: No! I'll kill Data! Blue: NOOOOOO! Lore: Ack! Blub! Lore: (David Koresh voice) I knew you would come, Data. I'm going to blow up the entire compound! We will die together! Lore: Aaaaaack... Lore: Use... Ob...session... for... Men, Da...ta... Data: Goodbye, Lore. Geordi: What's that? Data: It is the body odor chip Dr. Soong meant for me. Geordi: Does it work? Data: (slight pause) No. It was damaged when I was forced to fire upon Lore. Geordi: Ah. Nice kitty. Data: If you will leave, Geordi, I have some... business to attend to. Geordi: All right. Next time, on Silly Trek: The Next Generation: A mission leaves Picard stranded on a planet... With a woman with a passion for an anonymous kitchen condiment... Will he escape the web of nausea? Find out on... "Mayonnaise." (Okay, it doesn't sound a bit like "Liasons," but let's see you come up with something better.) Next month in RIF..... ================================== STAR TREK: THE NEXT (de)GENERATION WHERE NO SANE MAN WOULD GO ================================== Original source and author unknown. Contributed by Dragon and reprinted from ZenTrek (AnarchyNet Sub moderated by Oxnardus of Borg PART FIVE: [ Picard and Co. plough through the insanity. All is chaos for a few moments, then suddenly, everything clears, and they all find themselves in a plush wood-paneled corporate board room. The walls are adorned with gaudy and self-serving plaques, trophies, and mementos. Several posters adorn the walls, apparently advertising various forms of entertainment, including _Under The Cherry Moon_, _Hello, Marin, Hello_, _Heaven's Gate_, and Lorimar Telepictures. Three men are seated at the head of the table. ] Man 1: Welcome, Captain Picard. Data: [Aside to Picard] This is it, sir. This is the core of the disturbance. Man 1: Quite right, Mister Data, quite right. Allow me to introduce myself. I am Aaron Spelling. This is my good friend, Glen A. Larson... Glen: How do you do. Aaron: And this is Steven J. Cannell. Steve: Hello. Aaron: Please, sit down. Picard: No, thank you. What's happened to my ship? Aaron: Relax, Captain, relax. It's the natural order of things. Some refreshments! [ Aaron claps his hands. A vapid female dressed in a trendy gown loaded with more sequins than you can count appears with a tray and sets it down upon the table. ] Aaron: Thank you, Vanna. [She turns around once, then exits.] Picard: What do you mean, the natural order of things? Aaron: Surely, you're aware of the principle of entropy? Picard: Of course. Aaron: We are merely carrying that principle to its natural conclusion: The entropy of human intelligence. Picard: But man isn't naturally stupid..... Aaron: Oh, but he is, Captain. Simply observe for yourself how easily your ship and your crew succumbed to even the simplest of our techniques. Picard: Fortunate happenstance. We weren't expecting it... Aaron: I'm afraid not, Captain. We've successfully subjected entire nations to these techniques, and they have capitulated quite readily. They've even welcomed it. Picard: Welcomed it?!??!!! No doubt you didn't give them a choice! Aaron: Oh, but we did, Captain. They could have stopped at any time. All they had to do was turn us off. There were plenty of alternatives. Movies, live theatre -- something which I understand you're familiar with --, even PBS. But they *chose* to stay with us. We didn't make that choice for them. Humans *want* to be stupid, Picard. Otherwise, we would not have been successful. Look at your own history. Drug abuse, religious wars of all kinds, American politics, the legal profession, rec.humor, talk.bizarre, IBM, Apple.... The list goes on and on. Picard: We've grown beyond that. To quote my first officer, we're not savages anymore. Aaron: Ah, yes. Your first officer, who is currently participating in various forms of debauchery without protection, which by now your species should realize is the height of stupidity. No, Captain. Your species is no better now than it was a thousand years ago. Picard: He's under your influence! He wouldn't do such a thing of his own accord. How can you call yourselves superior when you treat those beneath you so harshly? Aaron: It's not like we're heartless monsters, Captain. We do have morals, and it pains us to see your species so easily taken in. Steve: I even chose to pull one of my own creations off, partly because it was too stupid even for your species.... Picard: [Fishing] But mostly because.... Steve: [Eagerly completing sentence] It wasn't profitable anymore... Aaron: Shhhhh!!!! [ Picard, Data, and Worf look at one another. A lightbulb goes on above all three of them. ] Worf: FERENGI, SIR!! [ At this very moment, Mel lets out a perfect blood-curdling ear- shatterer. All the tumblers on the tray burst into pieces. Aaron, Glen, and Steve cover their ears tightly, trying in vain to shut out the unexpected sound. Worf, who is used to such sounds, drops, rolls, and comes up with his phaser firing. He hits Steve, who falls to the ground. His disguise dissolves, revealing him to be the Ferengi that he is.] [ Worf makes ready to fire at Aaron, but a toy dumptruck nearby turns into a warrior robot, and moves toward Worf at about five frames per second. Worf spins to parry, but the robot catches him in the head, and Worf is knocked unconscious.] [ Data rises and phasers the robot (pitifully simple, since it's moving at five FPS), turns, and shoots Glen, who crumples to the floor. His disguise dissolves, too.] [ Suddenly, Data's head pops off on a large spring, and his body flops to the ground. ] Data's head: Oh dear! [ Mel stops screaming, and falls to the ground exhausted. Picard recovers from the ordeal. He looks to the end of the table to see Aaron, or rather, the Ferengi officer. Picard raises his phaser and fires.] [ POING! A large flag pops out of his phaser, reading "BANG!" ] Ferengi: It is too late, Picard Captain. Your ship will transmit our stupidity waves across your entire Federation. Your species will be turned into babbling nincompoops, and we will profit endlessly from your species as a result, selling them cheap merchandise at inflated prices. [ He punches a button victoriously on a box behind him. ] Ferengi: Good-BYE, Picard Captain!!! [ The Ferengi steps to leave through a side door, but falls through a trap door that appears out of nowhere. There is a long descending whistling sound, followed by a faint "POW". ] [ Shortly thereafter, an image appears on the box's screen: ] Box: WHEEL! OF! FORTUNE! [ The Doctor runs in abject terror. ] Box: Look at this studio! Filled with glamorous bonus prizes! Fabulous and exciting merchandise!! [ Picard screams in agony, unable to turn his eyes away from the screen. ] Box: Our first puzzle is a phrase. [Doo dee ding dong] Data's head: Sir!! Destroy the box!! Quickly! Box: "One-fifty." "S!" BZZT! "Nope, no S." Picard: With what? Data's head: Anything!!!! Box: "Two hundred..." Picard: There's nothing here! What should I use?!?!??! Data's head: R! Guess R! Box: "P!" BZZZT! "Nope, no P." Data's head: You idiot!! [ Data is lost to the stupidity wave. Picard forces himself toward the device. The box has a slot with the legend "Tape". ] Picard: [Summoning all his will power] COMPUTER! Computer: Hi there! Picard: Eject the tape!! Computer: [BINGGGGGGGGGG...] Are you sure you want to do that? Picard: YES!!!! Computer: [BINGGGGGGGGGG...] Are you absolutely sure? It's not finished with yet.... [ Picard ignores the question. He manages to look at the conference table, and notices a stack of papers. He grabs the stack, and removes the paper clip holding them together. He bends it straight, and shoves it over, the screen does not go blank. ] Box: Yes, there are three F's. [Ding. Ding. Ding.] Picard: DATA! WHAT DO I DO!!??? Data's head: Guess R! Guess R! [ In a final desperate act, Picard throws the tape at the screen with all the strength he can muster. The tape case and screen crack. The screen goes blank. For a moment, all is quiet. Then, the tape and screen start arcing, slowly at first, but gaining in intensity. Picard steps back. ] Data's head: [Recovering] Sir! You must get it off the ship at once, and get as far away as possible! [ Picard moves to put Data back together. ] Data's head: No sir! There's no time for that! You must get it off the ship now!!! [ By now, the box and tape are arcing too wildly for Picard to pickup. He wracks his brains.... ] Picard: Computer! Exit! Computer: Sure thing! [ The exit appears. Picard rushes outside to find the nearest transporter. The ship is still in chaos. Thousands of tubes of pump-format Crest For Kids obstruct his path. He stumbles over a Pet Rock. He rounds a corner and collides with a man dressed in a white suit. ] Man: Welcome to Fantasy Starship! I am Mr. Rork, your host. [ Picard phasers him, revealing a dwarf behind him. ] Dwarf: Oooo, dat wasn't verry nice! [ Picard phasers him, too. He continues to rush down the corridor. Suddenly, an ancient petrochemical-powered vehicle painted black with flickering red lights on the front rounds the corner and speeds toward Picard at 100 MPH. Picard attempts to phaser it, but the beam simply bounces off with some cheap pyrotechnics. ] Car: Michael! There's a man obstructing the corridor! Driver: I see him. Turbos, buddie! [ PWAFFFF!! The car sails into the air, over Picard, and into the wall behind him. The car is demolished. ] Car: That was pretty damn stupid, Michael.... Driver: Well, it's always worked before.... [ Picard does not hear the rest of the conversation. He speeds down the hall, turns the final corner, dodges several religious fanatics with no hair and handing out flowers, and enters the transporter room.] CONCLUSION NEXT MONTH!!!!! ====================== BORGS ACROSS THE WORLD ====================== Name: Falus of Borg. Origin: Australasia Sector. Now, I now what you are all thinking..."Oh Locutus, here is yet another Australian with an overexaggerated view of his sexual worth." Not so! For the past three years that I have had net-access, I have been known as 'Fal', my real name being too common. I was after something unique, something original, something that no-one else had thought of before. And so I became Fal. Of course, I didn't forsee the day that I would become a Borg; indeed, the Borg hadn't even been imagined here in Oz when I chose the name. Now, three years later, I have realized my poor choice, although I couldn't have known at the time, and have come to accept it. :) Anyway, about myself. Er...weself (I'm still getting used to this). I study Computer Science here at the University of Newcastle, and am currently asking myself 'why?' I am almost 22 (although I suppose most females of Borg think that age is irrelevant) and am 6 foot tall, with blue eyes and blond (not BlondE) hair. I am single, with no interests. I started my boring pre-Borg life in Brisbane before being forcibly relocated to Sydney by my parents. Sydney was okay, but the pollution does get to you after a while. After a few years I moved to Taree, one of the major cities on the east coast, with a large population of 15,000. Living in the country had it's advantages, and it's disadvantages, one of which was a lack of TV channels, and a channel which showed ST during the day when I was at school. Hence, I missed most of the Old Series. The country also had lots of native wildlife, including Roos, Echidnas and such like. These days I know that a lot of American's have misconceptions about Australia. Firstly, Kangaroos do not bounce all over the cities and are not kept as pets. There are more roos in Oz than people, and apparently they taste good (I havce yet to find a resturaunt that serves them). Koalas do not live up telegrapph poles, aren't bears, and have a damned awful mating call. We *do* have tarred roads, and vegemite *does* taste good. ;) I can also give you some mind numbing trivia (although a conversation with Wesley would be more effective). Australia is made up of two islands. The continent/nation of Australia is made up of a smaller island called Tasmania, which is also a state, a larger island (the largest in the world, although this is open to debate) called Australia made up of the states New South Wales, Queensland, Victoria, South Australia, Western Australia and the territories Northern Territory and the Australian Captial Territory. There are also several Pacific Island territories and some in the Indian Ocean. Also, 49% of Antartica is Australian. Eucalyptus trees are evergreen, but shed their bark in the Spring (troo!). As such, it's pretty pointless carving "boy loves girl" in the bark. There are several which don't, but stringybark grows back and Ironbark is aptly named. What else...oh...when a Kookaburra laughs, it *always* rains within three days. Yep, I didn't believe it either...but I put it to the test, and the Kooka's were always right. Australasia is made up of Australia, New Zealand, Papua New Guinea, and the occassional Pacific Island Nation...it's a pretty losse grouping. More about me. Life in Taree was quiet, with not much ever happening, although I did go Horseback riding. We also have these ants called "Bullants", which have a stick that gives agony for *days*, and can jump! In colonial past, some convicts escaped once, and tied their Overseer down over a Bullants nest. It took him three days. I speak with a slight accent (compared to the normal Oz accent) I'm not sure why. INterestingly, the Oz accent is pretty uniform, although is it customary if you come from the city tospeakreallyfastnevertakingabreathifyoucanhelpit, or s p e a k i n g r e a l l y s l o w l y i f y o u c o m e from the country. I come form the city, so I speak really fast...a bit too fast, so the sometimes my words come out in the wrong order, and once I said a whle sentence backwards. Hopefully noone of you ever saw Sylvania Waters and thought all Australians were like that. Yes, we do have some strange customs. Yes, we do strip down to our undies and dance around (guys more than girls unfortunately), and yes we do think it's fun to insult one another (although there is a nack to doing it right...some things just aren't acceptable insults). Also, none of us are all the same. Some do, some don't. I, myself have not gone to a party and danced around in my undies, and I have insulted all my friends thouroughly. For sports I hate Cricket...it's so bloody boring. AFL (a football game) is fun to watch. You are allowed to jump onto the other teams backs to catch the ball, and you must kick it over the line...running over is a no-no. Rugby has a rather pointless tactic called The Scrum, which is used to determine which side should have possession of the ball. A gaggle of players from each team lock themselves together, and then you throw the ball into your teams side, and they kick it back to you. You then run at your line, attempting to steamroller the opposites. Some Australian Slang: mate: all-encompassing term if you haven't got anything else to call someone by. Depending on inflection, the person you could hate or not know at all. sheila: Australian for Gal...not really usedmuch anymore. wuss: more-or-less a friendly term to call your mates by...similar in concept to nerd. birko: crazy/angry "He's goin' birko!" piss: urine, or beer. pissed: drunk. pissed off: angry. get pissed: get drunk. piss off: go away. on the piss: drinking. pissy/piss poor: not very good...hopeless. pissing down: *really* pouring...quite heavily. dunny: toilet. root: this is good. Once met an American girl having trouble with her current love-life. Told me "All my flatmates were rooting for you." In Aus it means to have sex. ;) rooted: broken/busted. she's rooted: if an item, broken; if a woman, no comment. git: see wuss. Merkin: two things...either a furry groin covering, or out name for anyone from the US (well, I did say we insulted friends... ;) If you would like anymore, you can always buy a book on the topic...but those are some of the most common. Well, I guess that that's it from me. If you would like ot know anything else, drop me an email...when I get a new account somewhere that is :) Falus of Borg. Cahuna of Australasia. InterNet: C9110499@ALINGA.NEWCASTLE.EDU.AU ======================================================== SUBSCRIPTION SERVICE & LISTING OF RIF DISTRIBUTION SITES ======================================================== If you have an InterNet, Genie, or AOL (or anything that has a gateway to any of these services), you can get on the RIF subscription list and have RIF sent to you/ via e-mail each month. Just e-mail your request to Oxnardus and your name will be put on the list. Also, if you are a SysOp and you'd like to be a distibution site for RIF, please contact Oxnardus of Borg (addresses given below). BBS distribution centers: RIP CITY Tacoma, WA SysOp: Ripley 206-565-9680 (off-line 7pm-10pm PST every evening) DIMENSIONAL NEXUS Camarillo, CA SysOp: Mojo IV (805) 388-3788 DA WARREN Arvin, CA SysOp: Leonard Richardson (805) 854-2478 ============== EDITOR NOTICES ============== The Borg Club is located EVERYWHERE. If you wish to be assimilated just ask a local Borg to do so. We are sure they would be more than happy to assimilate you quickly and painlessly, not to mention take your culture and technology from you as well. ================= COPYRIGHT NOTICES ================= "RIF" acknowledges that Paramount Pictures and its various subsidiaries as having the sole rights to the Star Trek trademark. "RIF" has no intention to infringe upon that copyright or earn profit from this publication. It is distributed free of charge. This newsletter may be distributed by anyone if kept intact and not altered in any way. Consider it shareware publishing! Resistance is Futile, copyright (c) 1993 by RIF BBS. ================================= SOLICITATIONS FOR NEXT NEWSLETTER ================================= The next Resistance is Futile will be released on or about January 1, 1994 (yeah, right!). Send submissions to Oxnardus or Ripley at the addresses notated below on or before December 15, 1993 for consideration for the next issue. "RIF" is a non-profit fan publication. All submissions for publication should be sent to the editors. The editors retain editorial control and reprint privileges over the submitted materials and reserve the right to use the material in whatever way they deem appropriate. Submitted materials will not be returned to the sender. ============================ BACK ISSUES OF RIF AVAILABLE ============================ Missing an issue? Used your RIF for a place mat or coaster one time too many? Just send a self-addressed stamped ($.52) business sized envelope to RIF BBS, P.O. Box 7822, Oxnard, CA 93031 and that abused issue will be replaced. Please indicate which issue you desire. All back issues are available! ========================= ADDRESSES OF CONTRIBUTORS ========================= EDITORS: ------- Oxnardus: GEnie:K.Taborn; InterNet: k.taborn@genie.geis.com; FidoNet: Oxnardus @ 1:206/2513; VirtualNet: 197 @ 1805020; WWIVNet: Oxnardus 115 @ 8500; AnarchyNet: Oxnardus @ 42:1005/1201; BorgNet: Oxnardus; RipCity BBS: Oxnardus; RIME:Kym Taborn; US Mail: RIF BBS, P.O. Box 7822, Oxnard, CA 93031 Ripley: Genie:M.Samuels1; Prodigy:NRCR88A; NVN:Msamuels; InterNet: m.samuels1@genie.geis.com; BorgNet: Ripley; RipCity BBS: Ripley; US Mail: RIF BBS, P.O. Box 7822, Oxnard, CA 93031 CONTRIBUTORS: ------------ Dragon: [SysOp: The Dragon's Realm - (805) 524-DRGN (3746)]; AnarchyNet: Dragon @ 42:1005/1203; Dragon; RIPCITY: The Dragon Leonard Richardson: SySop: Da Warren BBS (805) 854-2478 Swannox: Internet:swann1@muvns6.wvnet.edu; Bitnet: Swann1@MUVMS6; Prodigy: JPRN49A