_____________ ____________ ____________ * / R \ */ \ */ \ * | E ______ | *\____ ____/ *| ________/ * | S |******| | ****| |*** *| F |******** * | I | *| | *| | *| U |____ * | S ~~~~~~~ / *| I | *| T \ * | T ____ \ *| S | *| I ____/ * | A |*** \ \ *| | *| L |*** * | N | * \ \ ___*| |____ *| E | * | C | * \ \/ \ *| | * \__E_/ * \___/______________/ *\____/ ***** **** ************** ***** P.O. Box 7822 Oxnard, CA 93031 THE OFFICIAL ORGAN OF THE GALACTIC BORG CONSCIOUSNESS ISSUE NUMBER 18 March 1994 RESISTANCE IS FUTILE ("RIF") is published and edited by Oxnardus, Ripley, and Swannox for distribution on international, national and local electronic services, bulletin board conferences, and databases. Resistance is Futile is the official newsletter of the International Borg Club. Address listings, copyright notices, editorial notices, and information on back issues are printed at the end of this newsletter. All correspondence should be sent by e-mail to Oxnardus, Ripley, or Swannox (addresses given at end of newsletter) or mailed to "Resistance is Futile", P.O. Box 7822, Oxnard, CA 93031. ========= CONTENTS ========= YOU WILL BE ASSIMILATED: Amazing stories & 10 Top Cable Systems JOKE TIME: Borg jokes EVERYBODY WANTS TO RULE MY WORLD: Song Parody JOKE TIME ANOTHER BORG BLUES CLUB GRAND OPENING BORG NOSTALGIA: Reliving the Aftermath of the BSC Disaster BORG TAGLINES SEEN IN CYBERSPACE Part 1: A through H STAR TREK COMICOLOGY: DS9 #6: "Field Trip", "Pickpocket", "Program 359" NEXT MONTH IN RIF FROM THE EDITOR SUBSCRIPTION SERVICE & LISTING OF RIF DISTRIBUTION SITES Copyright Notices Solicitations for next newsletter Back issues of RIF available Addresses of contributors ======================= YOU WILL BE ASSIMILATED ======================= by Swannox of Borg Amazing Stories --------------- Even in West Virginia, we have a Hockey Team in the East Coast Hockey League. Our first season as a matter of fact. The Huntington Blizzard just fired there coach, Bob "Battleship" Kelly. The New Coach is named PAUL PICARD. So now, the Huntington Blizzard was a dismal 6-18-4, This guy won his debut game at Home tonight, And the media loves him. The Captain Picard jokes have begun, THE play by play guy and color guy want to call the coaches show Star Date. Jokes include, The Player was going up the Ice at Warp factor 2. or slow big guys ARE GOING AT IMPULSE POWER!. I call Slapshots Photon Torpedo and when we won tonight, THE STARTREK THEME BLASTED THRU THE HUNTINGTON CIVIC CENTER. You now can hear sound bits during the game like ENGAGE, MAKE IT SO. This complements the Terminator "I'll be back" after a Huntington Player hits the penalty box. I hear all this in the cue speaker since I run the game, however the moral of the story. WE ARE NOT THE ONLY FOLKS LOONY ABOUT TREK! BTW, we were 6-18-4 before Picard. we are 7-19-4 now. Top 10 Cable Systems of the Federation -------------------------------------- ...from the home office at the Utopia Plantia Starfleet Yards 10. RikerComm; Order this month and get the Playboy channel installed free. 9. Ferengi Cable; Featuring QVC, The Home Shopping Network, and Pay-Per-View Specials galore. 8. BorgComm; Your TV will be assimilated into the collective. 7. Vulcan Cable; Order now and get connected to the Discovery channel and C-Span. 6. YarComm; Featuring Nick-At-Night... re-runs of all your old favorites. 5. Klingon Cable; Because stealing cable is... dishonorable. 4. RomuComm; We feature cloaked channels. 3. Pakled Cable; You watch things. Things we show. 2. PicardComm; TV without the glare. - and the number one cable system - - of the federation is - 1. Geordi Cable; Now featuring the Infrared Channel! ================================ EVERYBODY WANTS TO RULE MY WORLD ================================ (to the tune of "Everybody Wants to Rule the World", by Tears for Fears) Welcome to my life. Welcome to my world. Even while we sleep, There are aliens Planning out a massive conquest Here they come now, who would have guessed? Everybody wants to rule my world. Attacked by Romulans. They invaded in storms. Help me to decide Should I choose to give my freedom Or show resistance? From disruptors I'll keep distance. Everybody wants to rule my world. There's no place where the Q can't find you Paralyzed while the towns come tumbling down. After they're gone there are more on the way. Occupation, I can't take it. The Borg came and assimilated. Everybody wants to rule my world. Cardassians with torture machines. Klingons with a lack of hygiene. Everybody wants to rule my... Hey! We'll nevernevernevernever beat them. "Resistance is futile," we gotta believe it. Everybody wants to rule my world. It's happening but I can't say how, More warbirds are on their way now. Everybody wants to rule my world. -- Juvenus of Borg ========= JOKE TIME ========= Q: How do you tell a borg from a communist? A: The borg don't need money, communists don't have money. Q: How do you tell a borg from an ant? A: The ant has a personality. Q: Why do the borg spend so much time assimilating others? A: They don't eat, they don't sleep, and even they are not kinky enough to have sex while 3 trillion others are looking over their shoulders. Q: Why do all borg look human? A: They do not make the helmets in Klingon sizes. Q: Why did the borg win so much in Las Vegas? A: They had an understanding with the slot machines. -- John Krueger ===================================== ANOTHER BORG BLUES CLUB GRAND OPENING ===================================== Yet another Borg Blues Club has opened. Now serving on Prodigy, Science Fiction Bulletin Board (Jump "SF BB"), the Fandamonium Topic. Come on by and have a drink or two. Ran by our very own Swannox of Borg. In order to serve its customers better, the following rules have been set up at the BORG BLUES CLUB: 1. No Alcohol served to Minors. 2. No synthohol served. 3. No fighting. 4. All powers must be made known to the security chief. 5. Q are not minors. 6. Management reserves the right to refuse service to anyone. 7. Decisions by Swannox and T'Caer are final. 8. No Ferengi served (either as hors d'oeuvres or as customers). 9. Nobody can change the channel on the Big Screen TV when the Boss is watching Marshall University Sporting Events. Address all complaints to the Security team. All other questions will be answered by Swannox (Prodigy: JPRN49A), Owner and Manager of the Borg Blues Club. ============== BORG NOSTALGIA ============== Reliving the Aftermath of the Borg Supreme Court Disaster --------------------------------------------------------- [In September 1992 on Prodigy, the Borg Supreme Court was mysteriously blown-up. What follows are some of the reactions to this disaster...] Smorgus sat in the law library adjacent to the BSC. "Can't find any stupid Dove bars...mutter, mutter...Bean Countus will not drop our name from his suit......where in blue blazes will I find an attorney?.....BLUE BLAZES?!" Looking out the window, she sees smoke billowing from the chambers of Chief Justice Marianus. "Holy smoke!" At once, the door to the judge's chambers BURSTS open. Rialtus, hunkered over, slowly emerges from the dense smoke, pulling the chief justice by "certain implants". "Just when life is getting to be kind of a bore, opportunity knocks!" he giggles. From the corner of her optic implants, Smorgus sees a shadowy figure hurriedly dart around a corner. Could it have been? Was it that sneaky little worm...um....borg that has been trying to get himself appointed court reporter and is trying to drive the chief justice nuts with his repeated attempts? Noting that Rialtus is frantically trying to give mouth to mouth to Marianus, who is shouting "Leave me alone, you doofus, I AM OK.", Smorgus pursues the unknown borg. --Smorgus Again, Marianus asked "Did I require CPR or were you three trying something unseemly with my units?" Rialtus, Locutus II and Swannox all bowed their heads and shuffled around nervously. Rialtus suddenly beamed, as a thought has come to him. "Dear Honorable and Most Esteemed Chief Justice, we were of course getting ready to perform CPR! But by Borg, you have recovered on your own!" Swannox, still fumbling with the water hose, gurgled, "Ub-glub course-glub, we-cough-cough were just (gag) trying to help!" Marianus hoisted herself into a sitting position. "Will some borg please take that away from him before HE needs CPR?" "Thank you." Meanwhile.........Smorgus rounded the corner of the BSC, still pursuing the suspicious Borg. "Who is that?" she thought. "I wish I could just get a little closer. Hmmmmm, what are these?" Looking down, Smorgus notices that she has been walking on what appears to be THOUSANDS of rectangular packages. Some have broken open and appear to be emitting latex dust. "Now, I've seen these before! Where was it?.... ....OF COURSE...these are the same "packages" seized from Beancountus' cube during the ill-advised raid!" Has someone broken into the BSC and stolen evidence? Is that same Borg responsible for the fire? Smorgus looked up again to see not one, but TWO Borg escaping through the haze. Meanwhile...back at the scene of the fire, Marianus was desperately trying to bring order to the scene. Locutus II is standing in the street and gazing at his reflection in the one remaining window. "Gee, you look good in gold, fella." He murmured. Swannox, finally able to speak without drowning could be heard to say "Mother of Borg, how are we going to repair the Supreme Court Building? The fund is down to peanuts and this is an election year! I said 'no new taxes'....oh, mercy.." and on the curb Rialtus sat in despair thinking "If'n she'd only stayed out of it for 5 more minutes!!! Who knew she was so...so.... resilient?" Marianus sighed. -- Smorgus As Rialtus sits in his stupor, vainly trying to think of a way to "rekindle" the moment, Swannox finally finds a blanket. Rushing to drape it tenderly around the shivering Marianus, he trips and both he and the blanket drape themselves upon her person. "ALRIGHT.......I HAVE BEEN HELPED ENOUGH!!!!! GO FIND SOMEONE ELSE TO HELP!" Sheepishly trying to remove himself from her implants, Swannox finds that their implants have become entangled. "Oh dear, I'm dead meat now." Rialtus, experiencing an unusual hot feeling under the collar, obliged by ripping Swannox away from his new object of affection, thereby finishing the task of destroying her blouse. "What luck!" her murmured, however, aloud he declared "Heaven's to Betsy, what have I done?" Marianus, wondering if it would become a chief justice to grease these nimrods, hobbled away. In their well deserved fear, Swannox and Rialtus beat a hasty retreat. Just as they thought they were, perhaps, out of harms way....a golden blur burst through the smoky night! "I say! What the h***? Get off........ crunch....splat.....me......crack.....NOW!" The deafening sound of crunching metal filled the street. Drawing back from the fray, Swannox began laughing hysterically. "It's Loc....Loc....Locutus II! Cool it, would you....it's us! Look.....I said quit it OR WE SHALL COW TIP YOU!" Locutus II recoiled in horror, both at his mistake and that other "unmentionable" torture. In the moment of silence that followed, they could hear the distinct melody of Marianus, down the avenue, laughing and laughing and laughing. -- Smorgus ******SUPREME COURT FIRE****** POSSIBLE SUIT FOR FALSE ARREST The mystery mounts in the matter of the monstrous melt down of the Borg Supreme Court Building. The possible perpetrators popped by the powerful Locutus II turned out to be just two more seekers of executive office. As the sun rose over the reeking ashes of the once stately Court, Wiggalus of Borg, Ambassador, Instant Lawyer, and second in command to the Borg collective, revealed herself to be a General Contractor and vowed to restore the court to its former glory when others were snidely suggesting corrugated steel and linoleum. No new information has been uncovered about the probable identity of the arsonist; the evil Kym has been suggested as the possible arsonist, as indeed a suspect in every unsolved mystery including the sinking of the Maine and the disappearance of Judge Crater. Fire Marshall Olympius was not available for comment as she was called away because of difficulties with Vogons on her home planet. -- Olympius "Ohhhhhhhhhh" said Marianus, as she crumpled to the pavement. The Golden Blur, having finally come to the realization that further "crud beating" may not be the wisest course of action, knelt over the apparently lifeless body of the chief justice. As he began CPR (really), the charwoman Di(e)anus of Borg rushed to summon an ambulance. "I am not getting any response!" Locutus II said to himself. This is not good. This does not appear to be mere smoke inhalation or shock to me!" Rialtus, finally fitted with a cervical collar, looked on. "She's not....she can't.... what's wrong?" Swannox appeared with his crew and quickly and efficiently loaded Marianus onto the gurney and into the waiting van. {There guys....are you happier now? Ed.} That done, the ambulance sped off into the night. The three heroic borg watched as their most admired and beautiful adjudicator vanished from sight. "That was different.", said Locutus II. "Yea...." said Swannox. "Let's go get a cola and some babes!" volunteered Rialtus, and they were off. Across the city, Smorgus maintained her vigil outside of Chatsworthus' "non-smoking" cube......which she had first thought was simply an abandoned building. She now had a clear view of the motionless Borg, Chatsworthus, on the floor. The mysterious and unseen borg-in-the-corner continued his soliloquy. "Eye all most feel bat lee four ewe.....butt ewe all wheeze whir two trust ink. Ewe awl fell sew heart four thee store he aye bout thee Queen Bea....it was heart too keep aye strayed face. Two bat aye bout thee Chief Just ice, wee whir imp pressed buy thee weigh she care reed her imp plants, butt she wood knot listen too are please." -- Smorgus As Smorg Us walked a weigh from TeaBorg and Being Countess, a video tape dropped from her brief case. She did knot note ice. TeaBorg and Being Countess played thee tape on TeaBorg's port a bull tellie vision. And their it was. Thee reel tape of thee theft of thee chalk a lot beans. Being Countess was shown diligent lee dewing hiss job, win sudden lee, hee was hit over thee head width a Borg imp plant. Thee chalk a lot beans were then scooped up bye thee unknow win Borg and it left width both thee chalk a lot beans and Bean Countess. Thee next seen showed Being Countess tied two a Cher and hooked up two a memory remove vole ma sheen. Thee unknow win Borg, inn a rasp pea fem inn inn voice, then recount Ed her evil plan to destroy thee Spelling Bees and too blame thee BORG. She removed Being Countess' memory and hymn meady ate lee a simulate Ted Being Countess. She then released hymn and sent hymn on hiss whey. And then....she terned a round. And there she was....width that evil smile. It was .........................................Smorg Us, aka Nan See Eye Kin, evil and inn fa mess secret age aunt fore thee Inn Tern Awl Rev A Gnu Sirve Ice. Her last state meant was, "And that's watt happens to races who dew knot pay there taxes and who ignore IRS notices." TeaBorg and Being Countess were inn shock. And then Being Countess' memory re-terned inn a rush. "Yea varily", hee exclaimed, "Eye remember it awl." At that moment, Smorg Us came a round thee core nor. "Sew, ewe half disc covered my lit tall plot. Well, ewe won't live long enough two tell inn knee won. Eye will get rid of ewe joust as efficient lee as eye burned down thee BSC." She slow lee raised her imp plants. TeaBorg and Being Countess were tear if fied. "Good buy old friend," they both said simultaneous lee. Butt Smorg Us had knot raised her imp plants two kill them. Inn stead, shee clutched her chest and fell over. They raced two her side and exam mined her. She was dead. "She was know fun, she fell rite over," said Being Countess. "And now their's won less evil IRS a gent inn this universe," said Teaborg quietly. TeaBorg and Being Countess were last scene board ding Anne air plain two Ha Why Ye. Being Countess' last words were, "At least where wee our going, we'll fine all lee get leied." -- TeaBorg "And you honestly believe the good Borg will believe that drivel? Ha!" exclaimed Smorgus indignantly, "You can keep me tied in this infernal chair for eternity....but some will keep the faith. The only believable portion of that story is the bit about Hawaii...." "That darn Beancountus and his latex," thought Smorgus, "making me sneeze before I could warn the collective....if there is anyone left in the collective to tell. T'Caer in the hospital and pregnant, to boot; Oxnardus still trying to get reunited with her head; Marianus hovering on the brink of life; Chatsworthus... laying here motionless on the floor; it is just too much to bear." Teaborg and Beancountus sneered at the little scribe. "The borg, dear unit, has known US for a much longer period of time. OUR story will be believed and YOU shall rot in the prison of the new Supreme Court that is being rebuilt at this moment." spit Bean. "Ewe should have capped two righting aye few notes inn thee 'Mew see hem off Art' ant capped aye weigh from thee Cord room. Ewe well pay fur yore air rogue ants. Fur aye fee mail ewe nut, ewe our both bawl sea ant tacked less." Teaborg whispered. "Half aye good thyme weight ink four us two Rhett turn...." Turning to the Bean he said, "Dew eye half too dew every think aye round hear? Eye can knot bee leave ewe left thee sock it set inn yore cube." Wheeling stiffly, he stalked out of the cube, with Beancountus trailing dust in his wake. Back at the jiffy cube, the sirens still wailed. A crowd hovered around the unit Marianus. Through the sea of concerned voices came "I have never seen anything like this. She should have died an hour ago......Will someone please silence those alarms?........We need a SPECIALIST!" "But who shall we find that is that experienced and gifted?" ] Who could save Marianus? --- Smorgus ****THE INSANE OXNARDUS GOES OVER THE EDGE**** ***Takes A Walk on the Wild Side*** Upon receiving news of Presidential Candidate Semenovich's choice of Vice Presidential Candidate (or as Semenovich insists, Vice Czar), the Insane Oxnardus actually tipped the scale further in her dementia. Researchers at Borg Hospital, the foremost center of research on Borg Multiple Personality Disorders (MPD) issued a press release where it was stated that further time was required to study the phenomena but that it was apparent that the Insane Oxnardus was beyond hope. The Borg Secret Police has issued an advisory warning the collective to lock up their children until the Insane Oxnardus has been captured. The Insane Oxnardus is believed to have become Insane over her on and off again relationship with Bob Mann, aka MYSTERY MANN, who was believed viciously murdered weeks ago. Similar to Elvis Presley, MYSTERY MANN sightings are being reported all over Borg Space. The Insane Oxnardus was last seen breaking into the Borg Hospital where she rudely insulted Rialtus, hit the semi-comatose Chief Justice Marianus in the face with a gooey pie, and then escaped. If any unit has any information about the whereabouts of the Insane Oxnardus, contact the Borg Secret Police for an entry into the Get a Pizza if Your Information is Good Contest. No purchase necessary. Members and family members of the Borg Secret Police are ineligible. Void where prohibited. All tips made within an hour are considered the same tip. -- Oxnardus ================================ BORG TAGLINES SEEN IN CYBERSPACE ================================ Part One: A through H --------------------- A Klingon, a Romulan, and a Borg we A Poetic Borg: You will compose assimilated rhythms and rhymes. Alll a Borg!!!!!! And I thought the Borg were bad . . . And the only thing the Borg left was this Amiga.... And the only thing the Borg left was this Macintosh. And the only thing the Borg left was NT. And verily he said unto them, thou shalt be assimilated Assimilated, you will be. þ Yoda of Borg Assimilation: The new industry standard þ Borg Gates Barney of Borg: I assimilate you; you assimilate me... Barney of Borg: Today we learned that resistance is futile. Borg. James Borg. Vodka martini dry...olives are irrelevant. Borg! Unh! Good God, y'all! What is it good for? Borg? Where? I don't se*(#$#..NO CARRIER Borg assimilated my race and all I got was this t-shirt. Borg Cola - Not the choice of the Next Generation. Borg destroyed by Federation Death Star DS9, film at 11:00 Borg Do It Collectively. Borg do it their way. Your way is irrelevant Borg DOS 6.0 þ Assimilate drive C:? (Y)es, (O)k or (F)ine Borg Empire: Equal opportunity Assimilator! BORG IDIC: Incalculable Devastation for Infinite Cubes. Borg in New Jersey: "Florio is irrelevant." Borg Mail Reader v1.0 þ Your tagline will be assimilated. Borg Mail Reader v2.1a  Tagline theft is futile. Borg Mail Reader v2.1a  Taglines are irrelevant. Borg Moderator: Your Topic Is Irrelevant. Borg Nightmare: Assimilate another? NO WAIT, IT'S A PB!! Borg saying: We came. We absorbed. We left. Borg spreadsheet program: Locutus 1-2-3 Borg Wave 3.14: Your taglines have been assimilated. Borgasm: The Ecstasy of Assimilation. BorgDOS v6.0 - Assimilate Another [Y/n] Borger King - We do it our way! Your way is irrelevant! Borgs Bunny: "'What's up' is irrelevant, Doc. Borgy Pig - "th..th..th..that's irrelevant folks" Bring Arnold Schwartzenegger to play the Borg Terminator! Captain, why not just give the Borg Windows 3.1? - Worf Captain Barney's last words: Don't worry, the Borg are friendly. Cause I'm a Borg, yea, yea, yea. Chewbacca of Borg: RRWARARRHHG!! Creativity & Originality are irrelevant þ Barney of Borg Dances With Borgs - Starring Locutus Data is emotional because of a computer virus. þ The Borg Destroy the Borg? Give them Cavis Alpha IV! Destroy the Borg? Give them WINDOWS Destroy the Borg? Let's give them Windows. Distance is irrelevant - Pythagorus of Borg Drunk Borg: "Resilience is floor tile. Wan'be sim'lated?" Eat what you want. Your choice is irrelevant. SmorgasBorg Enterprise News: Borg Destroyed After Absorbing Windows. Ernest BORGnine... you be the judge... Even the Borg won't assimilate a Macintosh... Frankly my dear, you will be assimilated - Butler of Borg From this time forward, you will service...us. ÄÄLocutus Fudd, of Borg: "Be vewy, vewy quiet. I'm Assimiwating." Futile, resistance is. þ Yoda of Borg Galactic Conquest Or Bust - The Borg GOTO, GOING TO, GONE TO ~ Borg subroutine Have it our way at Borger King! (I *am* this place!) Hi! My name is Borg. How may I assimilate you? How'm I flyin'? Dial 1-800-BORG-YOU. -Borg Huey Lewis of Borg: Its Hip To Be Square! Huey Lewis of Borgordi + transporter = Huey, Louie, & Dewey ==================== STAR TREK COMICOLOGY ==================== By Swannox of Borg Deep Space Nine, Issue #6 (Jan 94): "Field Trip", "Pickpocket", & "Program 359" --------------------------------------------- This issue features three short stories about different characters and their adventures. "Field Trip" Writer: Mike W. Barr; Editors: Tom Mason & Mark Paniccia; Artists: Rob Davis & Terry Pallot; Letterer: Patrick Owsley; Published by Malibu Comics. PLOT: Keiko takes her class on an outing in a runabout to a planet on the other side of the wormhole. Something happens to Sisko (something always happens) so Jake and Nog somehow pilot the runabout to the wormhole, where a trigger happy Chief O'Brien hits the tractor beam and nabs the ship. (Amazingly, he knew something was wrong). "Pickpocket" Writer: John Vornholt; Editors: Tom Mason & Mark Paniccia; Artists: Rob Davis & Terry Pallot; Letterer: Dave Lanphear; Published by Malibu Comics. PLOT: Quark and Bashir solve a rash of thefts while ODO is away. This one is worth my silence in not giving the plot away. "Program 359" Writer: Colin Clayton & Chris Dows; Editor: Mark Paniccia; Artists: Rob Davis & Terry Pallot; Letterer: Patrick Owsley; Published by Malibu Comics. PLOT: This is a holodeck flick with Sisko, THE ENTIRE STARFLEET and THE BORG AT WOLF 359. Sisko is in command of the fleet and he is trying every thing possible to defeat the borg. After Bashir and Dax walk in and think that Benny boy is a sick puppy, Sisko reveals that he can now let go, because he doesn't blame himself now. This was the best story of the three, and not because this little fanzine is a BORG FEST. ================= NEXT MONTH IN RIF ================= YOU WILL BE ASSIMILATED: What would happen if.../Water Trek BORG SING-A-LONG: Borg Ramming Song/Borg Laundromat Song PIE, BORG: Parody of "I, Borg" LIFE IN THE 24TH CENTURY IS NOT TOO DULL BORG NOSTALGIA: Reliving the Collective's overlooking the Big Cahuna Emeritus' birthday! (09/92) BORG TAGLINES SEEN IN CYBERSPACE Part 2: I =============== FROM THE EDITOR =============== I apologize for all the bugs in the InterNet mailings. Some have received their issues and others haven't. If you have not received any issues, please e-mail me and tell me which issues you need. Also, I am working out a new way to send out the RIFs so that these things will not happen again. This month's RIF was late (at least for the BBS distribution) because of a death in my family. I was in Michigan for two weeks. Now everything should be back to normal. Remember, the Borg Club is located EVERYWHERE. If you wish to be assimilated just ask a local Borg to do so, or do it yourself. There is no shame in being a self-made borg. We are sure they are many who would be more than happy to assimilate you quickly and painlessly, not to mention take your culture and technology from you as well. --Oxnardus ======================================================== SUBSCRIPTION SERVICE & LISTING OF RIF DISTRIBUTION SITES ======================================================== If you have an e-mail address at InterNet, Genie, NVN, Prodigy, AOL, Compu-serve, or FidoNet (or anything else that has a gateway to any of these services or is convertible to an Internet address), you can get on the RIF subscription list and have RIF sent to you via e-mail each month. Just e-mail your request to Oxnardus and your name will be put on the list. If you are not on Genie, be sure to send your InterNet address. Also, if you are a SysOp and you'd like to be a distribution site for RIF (and insure your copy of RIF one week prior to e- mail subscriptions!), please contact Oxnardus of Borg (addresses given below). BBS distribution centers (when you call, tell them you heard about their BBS from RIF!): Phone Name City ST SysOp ----------------------------------------------------------------- (206) 472-1845 RIPCITY Tacoma WA Ripley (206) DIMENSIONAL NEXUS Spokane WA Mojo IV (405) 282-4676 THE Q CONTINUUM OK The Q (616) 381-1124 THE X-FACTOR Kalamazoo MI Lord Vader (617) 864-3375 BCSM BBS Boston MA J. M. Tretakoff (805) 854-2478 DA WARREN Arvin CA L. Richardson ================= COPYRIGHT NOTICES ================= "RIF" acknowledges that Paramount Pictures and its various subsidiaries as having the sole rights to the Star Trek trademark. "RIF" has no intention to infringe upon that copyright or earn profit from this publication. It is distributed free of charge. This newsletter may be distributed by anyone if kept intact and not altered in any way. Consider it shareware publishing! Resistance is Futile, copyright (c) 1994 by RIF BBS. ================================= SOLICITATIONS FOR NEXT NEWSLETTER ================================= The next Resistance is Futile will be released on or about April 1, 1994 to regular e-mail subscribers and on or about March 22, 1994 to BBS subscribers. Send submissions to Oxnardus, Ripley, or Swannox at the addresses notated below for consideration for a future issue. "RIF" is a non-profit fan publication. All submissions for publication should be sent to the editors. The editors retain editorial control and reprint privileges over the submitted materials and reserve the right to use the material in whatever way they deem appropriate. Submitted materials will not be returned to the sender. ============================ BACK ISSUES OF RIF AVAILABLE ============================ Missing an issue? Just e-mail Oxnardus which issue you want. we shall endeavor to send it out to you as soon as time permits. This is a volunteer outfit so it may take one day, it may take thirty days...but rest assured, you shall receive it! The requested issue will be sent to you via InterNet or Genie e-mail. If you do not have access to InterNet or any InterNet gateways, just send $2.00 per issue (for handling and postage) to RIF BBS, P.O. Box 7822, Oxnard, CA 93031. Please indicate which issue you desire. All back issues are available! ========================= ADDRESSES OF CONTRIBUTORS ========================= EDITORS: ------- OXNARDUS: Editor-in-Chief. Genie:K.Taborn; Prodigy:HCMH17A; InterNet: k.taborn@genie.geis.com OR oxnardus@therealm; FidoNet: Oxnardus @ 1:206/2513; VirtualNet: 197 @ 1805020; WWIVNet: Oxnardus 115 @ 8500; AnarchyNet: Oxnardus @ 42:1005/1201; RipCity BBS, DA WARREN: Oxnardus; RIME: Kym Taborn; MAJOR BBS: Narda@fnz; US Mail: RIF BBS, P.O. Box 7822, Oxnard, CA 93031 RIPLEY: Editor, Big Cahuna West Coast. Genie:M.Samuels1; Prodigy:NRCR88A; InterNet: m.samuels1@genie.geis.com; RipCity BBS: Ripley. SWANNOX: Editor, Big Cahuna East Coast. Bitnet: Swann1@MUVMS6; Internet: swann1@muvms6.wvnet.edu; Prodigy: JPRN49A CONTRIBUTORS: ------------ Smorgus -- InterNet: neicken@nvn.com; NVN: Neicken Olympius -- Internet: juliaellen@aol.com; AoL: juliaellen TeaBorg -- Internet: phcr65a@prodigy.com; Prodigy: PHCR65A Juvenus of Borg -- Internet: ammorris@galaxy.csc.calpoly.edu John Krueger -- Internet: krueger@cs.hope.edu