_____________ ____________ ____________ * / R \ */ \ */ \ * | E ______ | *\____ ____/ *| ________/ * | S |******| | ****| |*** *| F |******** * | I | *| | *| | *| U |____ * | S ~~~~~~~ / *| I | *| T \ * | T ____ \ *| S | *| I ____/ * | A |*** \ \ *| | *| L |*** * | N | * \ \ ___*| |____ *| E | * | C | * \ \/ \ *| | * \__E_/ * \___/______________/ *\____/ ***** **** ************** ***** RIF BBS (805) 588-9349 P.O. Box 81181 Bakersfield, CA 93308 THE OFFICIAL ORGAN OF THE GALACTIC BORG CONSCIOUSNESS ISSUE NUMBER 38 February 1995 ========= CONTENTS ========= FROM THAT PESKY EDITOR-IN-CHIEF: Future imperfect YOU WILL BE ASSIMILATED NOT: Random Anonymous Musings UNIVERSAL SCIENCE FICTION PARODY Episode 9 (Sc. 41-45) STAR TREK PARODY: "Past Pants Pt 1" [Past Tense Part 1] DS9 #57 The Fine Print =============================== FROM THAT PESKY EDITOR-IN-CHIEF =============================== The success of this temporary venture has overwhelmed me. Three years ago we started the Borg Club on Prodigy. From the Borg Club began this newsletter. And so, 38 issues later, here we are. I had originally thought that maybe we could milk one or two issues out of the group. I was a fool, okay? Submissions still outnumber the capacity to print everything. I prepare about three issues in advance and still have plenty of backlog fillers. This is good. However, my time is becoming busy with other projects. I want to go onto new things. For the past year and a half I have tried to find successors for this netzine, but I have been unsuccessful. None of the courageous volunteers worked out. So it goes. Because of this, I am forced to return RIF to it's previous one issue per month schedule. Then, if things do not change, I will most likely stop publication of this newsletter around the 80th or 90th episode of the Universal Science Fiction Parody. I enjoy editing newsletters and I want to try my hand at other topics. Some in the works are a Mystery Science Theatre 3000 MiSTing revue and a Star Trek Media Review (reviews and news of all the shows, movies, magazines, comics books, novels, trading cards, etc.). Anyways, that is neither here nor there. Just musings of a lone cybernaut. I am also looking for anyone who is willing to donate the area and time to set up a RIF ftp site and WWW page. Once set up, the ftp and WWW page addresses would be printed in this netzine. Again, thank you for your time and patronage. You have given me the support I needed to hunt down these obscure and witty satires and parodies. ---Oxnardus =========================== YOU WILL BE ASSIMILATED NOT =========================== Random Anonymous Musings ------------------------ WORF: Captain, I am receiving a simultaneous broadcast on all channels, all frequencies! RIKER: [Making a "Riker Face"(tm)] What? WORF: It appears they are saying, "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOT!" DATA: it appears the Borg tried to assimilate Wayne's World! -=- Two Borg walk into a bar. One Borg says to the other, "Did you hear about that city that was burned down in Argentina?" The other Borg replies, "Yeah, just goes to show you; Resistencia is fusil." ================================================================= __ __ _____ _____ ______ / // // ___// ___// __ / / // // /__ / /_ / /_/ / / // //__ // __/ / ____/ / // /___/ // / / / /____//____//_/ /_/ The Universal Science Fiction Parody (An Epic of Novel Proportions) by Derek G Bacon: Internet: lightnin@world.std.com ================================================================= ----------------------------------------------------------------- Our Story So Far: The Imperial Star Wars Fleet is preparing to attack another galaxy, starting with a little blue-green planet. They are preceded by a few hours by a small force of the Rebel Alliance. Meanwhile, Doctor Who and his companions have just left from their meeting with the Brigadier, whom the doctor is convinced is NOT REALLY the Brigadier. They enter their TARDIS to discover all the alarms activated. They discover that a lot of amateur time travelling is taking place near White Sands, New Mexico. Kirk, Spock, Chekov, and Scotty are waiting to see Steve Austin's plane crash, but while they are waiting, Guinan appears in Mid-air and begins falling. A phaser blast appears right behind her, and forces Steve's plane to crash a lot worse than it was going to in the first place. Kirk and Kyle (on the Enterprise) manage to save the both of them from certain death. Lex Luthor chews out Otis for doing a lousy job of impersonating Brigadier Lethbridge-Stewart, which he is obviously doing as some sort of plot of the World Crime League. Meanwhile, Sam Beckett leaps into the body of Oscar Goldman (and not an Indian as Ziggy had predicted he would) but it takes him a couple of scenes to realize it. Flash, Zarkov, Dale, and Harry escape from a cell on board War Rocket Ajax and make their way to the rocket sleds, but unbeknownst to them (but knownst to us) Harry is still trapped in another cell on board, and the Harry that is with them is an imposter. Riker, LaForge, and Data enter the Guardian of Forever at pretty much the same point in the cycle as Guinan did (they hope) but refuse to allow Worf to come along, because he is a harder alien to hide than Spock was. Worf, in a fit of rage, follows them into the Guardian. Sam Beckett determines that he has to meet up with some Doctor guy to help unmess the multiverse. Al has determined that they are in a parody of some kind (Gosh! I'm shocked.) Spin Tannen (Biff's son) has rebuilt Doc's Time Machine into a Volare. Sam has a short run-in with Middle Aged Man, and Worf, having jumped through the Guardian late, winds up at a Star Trek Convention in the Eighties. ----------------------------------------------------------------- [Scene 41. Interior Shot. The Starship Enterprise's (1701-A) Meeting Room. Sitting around the table are Capt. James T. Kirk, Cdr Spock, Scotty, McCoy, Sulu, Uhura, and Steve Austin. Steve is no longer in his flight suit, but wearing a borrowed Star Fleet uniform. He looks agitated.] STEVE: So, you guys are saying I was supposed to crash land that plane, but you saved me, and messed up your own future. KIRK: Exactly. STEVE: So, why'd you bring me here? SPOCK: You would not have survived the crash. Due to circumstances beyond our control, history was changed, we did what we could to salvage events. KIRK: Speaking of outside influences, what's the word on your patient, Doctor? McCOY: Well, we still haven't been able to get her out of her withdrawal. All we've discovered so far is that she appeared to prevent any altering of today's events. When she discovered that she had herself changed events, the paradox overwhelmed her. KIRK: Can't you do anything for her? McCOY: D*mn it Jim, I'm a doctor, not a relativist! KIRK: Ok! Geesh. What about Mr. Austin here, what can we do get his life back on track. SPOCK: The logical answer would be for him to do what he was supposed to have done in the first place. STEVE: You mean, you want me to go back there and purposely crash a jet? SPOCK: Not necessarily, we just have to duplicate the injuries. Then the bureaucracies involved will take over, and events will reshape themselves. A car accident, wild animal mauling, an avalanche, just about any accident will do. STEVE: You want me to purposely injure myself?? KIRK: Cripple actually, you need to lose the use of both of your legs, your right arm, and your right eye. STEVE: Whoa! Those are some major injuries there, I'm going to have to.... [Steve is interrupted by the Red Alert klaxon. Kirk touches a button on the table in front of him.] KIRK: Bridge, this is Kirk! What is it, the Romulans? CHEKOV: (over intercom) No keptin, two ships have suddenly appeared within the system. They cannot have originated locally. KIRK: I'll be right there. Mr. Austin, I suggest that you get someplace safe. [Kirk stands up, as do the others. They all head out the door.] [Scene 42. Exterior Shot. Outside Biff's Automotive Detailing Shop. Marty McFly and Spin Tannen (Biff's son) are standing looking into the engine of a 1977 Volare Station Wagon.] SPIN: [looks over at Marty] You don't suppose it could still run do you? MARTY: No, Impossible. It...it was smashed to pieces. It couldn't possibly still work. SPIN: Are you sure? I mean all the pieces were there. MARTY: Look, there's only one sure way to find out. Get in. [Marty slams the hood and gets in the driver's side. Spin sits in the passenger seat.] SPIN: Where will we go? MARTY: Well, if it does work, we're going to have to see Doc, so, [He punches a date into the keypad.] October 10, 1885 was the last place I saw him. Let's go. [He pulls out, the car drives off screen, and then we hear and see the BTTF Time Travel Effect.] [Scene 43. Interior Shot. A completely black room. Rufus appears and dominates the screen. He is dressed in a rather outlandish, futuristic garb. He has a five-o'clock shadow and is balding slightly. He begins to speak.] RUFUS: Hi! Welcome to the future: San Dimas, California 2691. I'm telling you, this place sucks. It didn't used to, you see, 703 years ago, the two great ones...got in a little trouble, so I had to go back in time to help them. I did, and they had a most excellent adventure, but it seems to have attracted a large host of invaders from several dimensions. Today, Earth is under the rule of no less than three tyrants. So, I have to back in time to fix the mess. [The scene dissolves into another interior shot--a futuristic place, with lots of domes. Rufus continues.] RUFUS: This is a small, but stalwart group of freedom fighters, most of whom were travelling in history when the change took place. Time to go.] [Rufus stands in front of a phone booth, facing a council of three, the Head Future Dude speaks.] HFD: It is time. RUFUS: [Puts shades on.] Be excellent to each other! HFD: Party on, Dude! [Rufus bows his head, steps back into the booth, and begins dialing. The antenna appears and the booth disappears into the circuits of Time.] [Scene 44. Exterior Shot. White Sands, New Mexico. The Millennium Falcon and an X-Wing Fighter have landed in the sand. Five figures and two droids mill about. One is scanning the area with Binocs.] [Scene Change. The sands are viewed through the field of the binoculars. Nothing is seen for miles around. The binoculars drop.] [Scene Change. Close view of the people mentioned earlier. Luke has let his Binocs down from his eyes.] LUKE: Nothing, nothing for miles around. It reminds me of Tatooine. LANDO: Well, at least nothing's trying to kill us. SOLO: Yet, Lando, yet. R2-D2: Bleep, boop, whirrrrr, bleep. C3-PO: Excuse me, sir. SOLO: Not now, 3-PO! We're busy. Now, which way to the nearest city? C3-PO: Sir, this is rather important. LEIA: Listen to him, Han, then he'll shut up. SOLO: [dropping the arm he was about to cuff C3-PO with] Oh, all right, what is it? C3-PO: R2 detects a flying vehicle coming this way. SOLO: What?! [He snatches Luke's Binocs, which are still around his neck, thus nearly choking Luke. He looks through them in the given direction.] It's a flying sled of some kind. It's going to crash! Take cover! [Everyone dives to the ground. Moments later, the rocket sled, piloted by Flash Gordon, and holding Dr. Zarkov, Dale, and 'Harry' crashes into a sand dune in a cloud of dust. Luke, Leia, Solo, Lando & Chewbacca rush over to find that those who were on the sled are fine, but the front end of the sled has skewered Wedge. Luke rushes over to him.] WEDGE: Luke,...get a TIE-Fighter...for me. [His eyes glaze over.] LUKE: He's dead. SOLO: Hell, again! How'd he get here in the first place? [Close-up of Luke's face. His hair begins to blow around in a non-existent wind. A blue light shines on him.] BEN KENOBI'S VOICE: Plot device, Luke. YODA'S VOICE: Joke recurring, say I. [Luke turns to see all the dead members of his family, who have switched from the Dark Side to the good, just before he killed them. Obi-Wan and Yoda stand in front of them all. Ben points at Wedge and they all nod in agreement.] BEN'S VOICE: Stretch out with your humor. ANAKIN SKYWALKER'S VOICE: May the Farce be with you. [Anakin raises his hand in a Vulcan Hand Salute and all of them fade out.] LEIA: Luke! Luke, snap out of it. [Luke comes to. He looks at Leia.] LEIA: You got that far away look in your eyes, like when the spirits of your dead ancestors are bestowing wisdom. [Han spits at the ground.] What did they say? LUKE: You wouldn't believe me if I told you. [By now, the rocket sled crew are regaining consciousness.] SOLO: Who are these guys? ZARKOV: I'm Dr. Hans Zarkov, this is Flash Gordon, and this is Dale Arden, [They nod in acknowledgement at their names.] and over there, is the greatest scientific discovery since the hula hoop! [He gestures at 'Harry'] SOLO: [looks incredulous] I'm sure. FLASH: I'm sorry about your friend. LANDO: Who, Wedge? Don't worry about it. He's died about six times anyway. [He flashes the Billy Dee Williams Smile (tm)] SOLO: Yeah, I've killed him twice myself. DALE: Oh?. <-- new punctuation the '?.' represents a sort of confused muttering. LEIA: Would you people happen to know where the nearest city is? FLASH: Yeah, I saw one while we were flying, it's about 20 miles that way. [He points.] SOLO: Well, that's where we're headed. Let's get ready. [They all enter the falcon.] [Scene 45. Exterior Shot. White Sands, New Mexico at the location of Steve Austin's crash. Technicians are still going over the wreckage. A limousine pulls up, the driver gets out, opens the rear door, and Sam steps out. He moves forward and Al gets out behind him. The driver closes the door through Al and gets back in the car. Al walks after him.] AL: I'm telling you, Sam, this is all wrong! Steve Austin should be in recovery by now! SAM: Well, maybe he ejected or something? [Just then a passing technician hears him and answers.] TECH: It's hard to be sure, most of the wreckage we've found is too small to identify. SAM: [looks surprised.] Oh, well, keep looking. [He smiles.] TECH: Yes sir. [He walks off.] AL: Sam! We have to fix this. SAM: [Whirls around.] I know, but we haven't even located this Doctor guy yet. Now, I'm going to check the wreckage, see if you can locate a homing beacon from the ejector seat. AL: OK. [He presses some buttons on Ziggy and disappears.] [Sam moves over into the wreckage. He passes three technicians, the camera stays with these three. They are revealed to be Data, Riker, and LaForge in disguise. Data picks up a piece of wreckage.] DATA: Geordi, have a look at this. [He hands the wreckage to Geordi. LaForge turns it over and over in his hand as he looks at it.] LaFORGE: I don't understand. RIKER: What is it, Mr. LaForge? LaFORGE: Well, the molecular structure of this bit of wreckage has been altered. RIKER: How? LaFORGE: The damage is consistent with a phaser burn. DATA: As I suspected, this plane crashed because a phaser hit it. RIKER: But, how? There's nothing like that in this century? DATA: Lieutenant Worf did fire a phaser at Guinan. RIKER: Well, at least we know she's around here somewhere, we just have to find her. DATA: I think that by crosschecking the equations and working backward from the crash I can pinpoint her entry location. RIKER: Good, how long? DATA: It should not take more than seven hours. RIKER: OK, Get to work, now let's find a place to hide. continued next bat issue! ================ STAR TREK PARODY ================ Hareware Productions, with malice of forethought, presents "Past Pants, Part I" A parody of ST:DS9's "Past Tense, Part I" Sisko: All ready to beam down to Starfleet headquarters for no apparent reason Chief. O'Brien: Okay doke, just lemme make a few very important calibrations so that you don't get beamed into the past or anything like that, hang on.... Kira: Hi guys, what's up? O'Brien: Not a lot, just about to beam half the senior staff onto a planet. Perfectly standard episode opener. Kira: All seems to be in order here. Odo: Good. O'Brien: And one more for good luck. There, that oughta do it. And energize. Ensign Theworldaccordingtospamerspab: The Admiral of ZZT wants to talk to you, Kira. Kira: On my way. Kira: On screen. AOZZT: What's taking you so long? Sisko and them should have been here twenty seconds ago! Kira: We just beamed 'em down. AOZZT: Well we didn't get 'em! Kira: Probably O'Brien screwed the transporter up. AOZZT: Well hurry up! We don't have all day to do nothing! Kira: I'll get right on it! Sisko: Ow, my head. Why can't O'Brien watch what he's doing? Now we're stuck in the past! Bashir: Like Reagan? Egon: Okay, move it buddy. Sisko: Who are you? Egon: We're the bad joke police! Sisko: Wait a minute, I know who you are! You're the Ghostbusters! Ray: Well we were, but we had to go into the rent-a-cop business since none of the DT9 writers believe in ghosts. Sisko: Egon: Yes, touching story isn't it. If only more people would be terrified of anything out of the ordinary. Sisko: Which reminds me, what year is this? Egon: I have no idea. Sisko: Look, up there! Sisko: It must be around 2004! Egon: I wouldn't count on it, that's been up there for years. Hey Ray, did you get your watch fixed? Ray: Yeah. It'll be 2024... now. Sisko: I guess a reaction shot is out of the question now. Announcer: Deep Throat nine is brought to you by Nevah! pantyliners. The only pantyliners endorsed by Sisko's speechwriter! <> Guy: Hey, wake up! You okay? Dax: AAAH! You're Vanilla Ice! Guy: No I'm not! Honest! Dax: Lemme see some ID! Guy: Here's my "Not Vanilla Ice" card. Dax: Looks good. Now, how about buying me a drink? Guy: Why, you from the future or something? Dax: Of course not! O'Brien: Apparently something in the cloaking device screwed up something in the transporter and they got lost in transport. There's a lot more to it than that but it's a little technical. Hope you're enjoying the show. Kira: There's never been a problem using this transporter before. O'Brien: Well, we were waiting until we ran out of plot ideas since this one's rather overused. You see, since the pilot of the original Silly Trek, we've used it, oh, roughly 581 times, compared to my "Absolutely nothing goes wrong and O'Brien gets two months paid vacation" plotline, which was flat-out rejected. Kira: Probably too intense to show on television. Sisko: And so eventually everyone got so pissed off at people who thought it was okay to fence off people you were pissed off at, and fenced 'em off. This took some pretty tricky maneuvers, but once it was accomplished the people who had thought of the idea in the first place got very rich off the stuff that the other people had left behind, but then they got the idea that they could divide by zero and suddenly vanished in a puff of logic. The people stayed imprisoned in the slums for several days afterward, until someone tried the door. Bashir: What a tragedy. Sisko: Yes, and it would never have happened if more people had called Da Warren. Sisko: Scratch that, it never would have happened if more people had learned to live in peace and harmony. Bashir: Well, yeah, that too. Egon: C'mon you guys, we haven't got all day. Get in that building and... fill out the questionnaires! Dax's Voice: Dax to Bashir! Dax to Sisko! Can you hear me? Pawnshop Guy: Shut up! Shut up! O'Brien: I've got it! The transporter malfunction was caused by the explosion of a microscopic singularity! Kira: We've done that one I think. O'Brien: Back to the ol' drawing board. Sisko: Why am I doing this? Egon: Some of the Records people think it's funny. Have to keep morale up. Now fill out these questionnaires. Bashir: Where do we sit? Egon: Over there, in between the rabid guy and the crazy guy. Crazy Guy: Mom! Bashir: What? Where? Crazy Guy: Mom! Don't you recognize me? Herbert? Bashir: Look, I'm not-- Crazy Guy: You promised you'd take me back to San Francisco! Sisko: (to Bashir) What'd he say? How'd he know my name? Bashir: (to Crazy Guy) You're IN San Francisco! Sisko: Oh. Crazy Guy: You did it! Bashir: What does querciverous mean? Sisko: It means do you eat oak leaves. Rabid Guy: Blargh... <> Guy: Yes, I used to wear those little rub-on tattoos too. Dax: You also had a certain haircut. Guy: I'm NOT Vanilla Ice! Dax: Touchy, touchy. Guy: All my life I've been thought to be Vanilla Ice! It's terrible! I have to carry these papers everywhere I go! Even today, people cross to the other side of the country when they see me coming! They won't let me in at Dennys! Dax: Why don't you tell me about your sprawling communications empire? Guy: Ah, yes, did you know I completely bought out Da Warren? Yes, people have to call my ultra-stuffy BBS because it's the only one on the planet! And Morn? Forget about it! I've taken over Paramount's entire Morn division! Ha ha! Dax: (voiceover) Why don't I like this guy? Sisko: Ever hear of the Bell riots? Bashir: You're making this up, aren't you? Sisko: No, really! Big huge riot! Happens in just a few days. Bashir: Why were they called the Bell riots? Sisko: Under the Riot Act, you need a snappy name for your riot. Lady W/Big Hair: Come this way, please. Lady W/Slightly Smaller Hair: Well, you did very badly on your knowledge of Elvis impersonators, but since you're from the 24th century you must be here for a reason so we'll let you go. Bashir: (To Sisko) How'd she know? Lady W/Slightly Smaller Hair: Question 402a, "Are you from the 24th century? þ Yes þ No" Bashir: Ah. Lady W/Slightly Smaller Hair: Here are your ration cards. Bashir: They don't look very appetizing. Sisko: C'mon Julian, let's get on with our SUPER-IMPORTANT MISSION! Bashir: Okay! Sisko: Are there any dumpsters in this city for TRASH?!?! Bashir: Those aren't dumpsters, they're army surplus bulk cigarette lighters. Sisko: Hee hee! Or defective flamethrowers! Bashir: That's a good one. How about bits of the space shuttle? Sisko: That's not as funny as the cigarette lighters. Sisko: Sorry. Torgo: You're... new here... aren't you? Sisko: Yeah, we're from the 24th century and stuff, you know where we could find this person? Torgo: Is she... wed... to the... Master? Sisko: Last I heard, no. Sisko: Let's try to find a place to sleep, it's getting dark! Sisko: Excuse me! Guy: Whaddaya want? This is our porch! Sisko: We don't want the porch, could we use a room in the building for a couple nights? Guy: Building? Sisko: Yeah, behind you. Guy: Hey! Building! Sisko: These people really are stupid. Guy: The porch is still ours. Sisko: We'll watch it for you. Guy: Thanks. Oh by the way, this kid's sick and are any of you doctors? Sisko: I'm not, but I'll ask. Is there a doctor in the house? Bashir: Why, I'm a doctor! Sisko: Aha! We're in luck! Bashir: I'm Julian Bashir, M.D. Let's get in there and help the kid! Guy: Who said you could come in our building? O'Brien: The problem is that we don't know where in time Commander Sisko is. Kira: So we'll play the game. O'Brien: What game? Kira: The "Where In Time Is Commander Sisko" game! O'Brien: There is no "Where In Time Is Commander Sisko" game! Kira: Then we guess. Guy: Yeah, but why can't you look at him without coming in the building? Bashir: Because he's inside the building! Guy: But the building's OURS! Bashir: No it's not, it's mine. Guy: Well, why didn't you say so? Benny Hill: The kid's over here. He was attacked by a rival gang of pizza deliverers. Sisko: (To Bashir) We really shouldn't interfere. Bashir: It can't hurt to just look. Benny: (Shouting at the window) He's looking at the kid! People: RIOT! RIOT! Sisko: Now you've done it! People: CHOP DOWN THE BUILDING! Bashir: We better get out of here! Sisko: Why? They'll never chop the building down! Bashir: Yeah, but I've got a date! Sisko: All right, but you owe me a big favor. We'll-- Benny: Oh no you don't! You'll never leave this building alive! Producer: All right, put the cliffhanger in here, we're gonna run over otherwise! Sisko: You idiot! You just killed the producer! What were you thinking? Benny: I'm Benny Hill, I don't think! O'Brien: Hm, that's odd. Odo: What is it, chief? O'Brien: I... I've forgotten my dialogue. Kira: Isn't it something like, "We're ready to attempt time travel?" O'Brien: Yeah, that's it. What the-- the entire satellite network has stopped broadcasting! There's obviously something seriously wrong with the timeline! Kira: No ad-libbing! O'Brien: That's not my-- <> Voice #1: What the heck? Hey Bill, what's Error 4? Voice #2: Lemme check... "Show has suddenly ceased to exist." Voice #1: Isn't that the producer's problem? Voice #2: Yeah, let him worry about it. Voice #3: The producer's dead! Killed in a knife fight! Voice #2: Great, now we gotta think of some way to save everybody. Roll up something on the Technobabble Table. Voice #1: Zero... nine. Beholder. Announcer: But suddenly... Kira: Thanks! Beholder: ROAWR! Voice #2: Idiot! That's the Wandering Monsters Table! The Technobabble Table is on the page before that! Voice #1: Okay, hang on... nine... static warp field. Announcer: But suddenly... O'Brien: Gee, thank goodness for static warp fields! Guy: Riot! Destroy! Steal! Other Guy: Steal what! Guy: Um... Attention! This is a revised list! Riot! Destroy! Sisko: All right, last joke! Put in the cliffhanger! Guy: Who are you? Sisko: I'm the producer! C'mon, to be continued! Guy: Shouldn't we even explain why the parody's called Past Pants? Sisko: We'll take care of that in part 2! Roll the preview! Guy: Shouldn't we even have a Q cameo? Q: Vote Jabbacratic! Picard: Enough of your campaign slogans, Q! Caption: TO BE CONTINUED... Next time, on Silly Trek: Deep Throat Nine... Announcer: Sisko's mission is to save the future! Torgo: You've... got to... save... the... Offstage Voice: Future. Torgo: Future. Announcer: But can he do it without resorting to giving cheesy speeches? Find out... on the next RECURSIVE episode of Silly Trek...Deep Throat Nine! ---leonard.richardson@the-edge.com =============== UPCOMING IN RIF =============== UNIVERSAL SCIENCE FICTION PARODY Episode 10 (Sc. 51-55) STAR TREK PARODY: "Past Pants Pt 2" [Past Tense Part 2] DS9 #58 ============== THE FINE PRINT ============== SUBSCRIPTION SERVICE & LISTING OF RIF DISTRIBUTION SITES If you have an Internet e-mail address you can have RIF sent to you via e-mail twice a month. Just e-mail your request to Oxnardus and your name will be put on the subscription list. If you are a SysOp and you'd like to be a distribution site for RIF, please contact Oxnardus of Borg (address given below). BBS distribution centers (when you call, tell them you heard about their BBS from RIF!): Phone Name City ST SysOp ----------------------------------------------------------------- (805) 588-9349 Resistance is... Bakersfield CA Oxnardus (405) 282-4676 THE Q CONTINUUM OK The Q (604) 574-1523 U.S.S. 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