_____________ ____________ ____________ * / R \ */ \ */ \ * | E ______ | *\____ ____/ *| ________/ * | S |******| | ****| |*** *| F |******** * | I | *| | *| | *| U |____ * | S ~~~~~~~ / *| I | *| T \ * | T ____ \ *| S | *| I ____/ * | A |*** \ \ *| | *| L |*** * | N | * \ \ ___*| |____ *| E | * | C | * \ \/ \ *| | * \__E_/ * \___/______________/ *\____/ ***** **** ************** ***** RIF BBS (805) 588-9349 P.O. Box 81181 Bakersfield, CA 93308 http://marshall.edu/~swann1/cborg2.html ftp://fvkma.tu-graz.ac.at/pub/star-trek/rif THE OFFICIAL ORGAN OF THE GALACTIC BORG CONSCIOUSNESS ISSUE NUMBER 47 October 1995 ========= CONTENTS ========= STAR TREK SUPERIORITY SERIES: Book 3: STNG vs. The X-Files I'M A BORG, HE'S BORG, WOULDN'T YOU LIKE TO BE BORG TOO? TOS MEETS THE VOYAGER: Part 2 THOUGHTS REGARDING THE BORG RESISTANCE: A TNG Serial: Chapter 3: An Encounter Chapter 4: Evacuate Ship! UNIVERSAL SCIENCE FICTION PARODY Episode 17 (Sc.66-68) The Fine Print ============================ STAR TREK SUPERIORITY SERIES ============================ Book 3: STNG vs. The X-Files ---------------------------- CAST: ROLE STAR TREK TNG XFILES Leader person Picard Fox Muldar Macho stud Riker Fox Muldar Robot guy Data Fox Muldar Engineer Geordi None Doctor Bev Crusher Dana Scully Hot Babes Troi, Crusher, Ro Dana Scully Annoying Superior Admiral Necheyev Director Skinner Motto To boldly go etc etc... The truth is out there, trust no one REAL Motto Make LOTS of spin offs Only pay two actors Question for the day: Ever notice that the hero of the Xfiles is named the network he's seen on? Picard's voice: Captain's Log, Stardate: The 12th of Never. The ENTERPRISE and crew have found yet ANOTHER excuse to travel back in time to 20th century Earth...this time, we're pursuing two Earth whales that were raised by aliens to be crisis troubleshooters, but decided they'd have more fun stealing life energy from hapless primitive Terrans and feeding it to an alien snake. We also have to make sure they kill Joan Collins, or else the first man to pilot the Earth-Saturn probe will never be born. Whew! That about does it! Picard's voice continues: Even as I sit here, recording my log from the cushy comfort of my nice, safe captain's chair, sipping Early Gray Tea (hot), my fearless crew is off earning their hazard pay down on the planet below. I can only hope they don't run into trouble dealing with the primitive nature of Earth's inhabitants, or else I'll have yet another nice, shiny violation of the Prime Directive to add to the four-ton crate of them in my ready room. Hey, Starfleet can't complain, Kirk had a whole WAREHOUSE full of them... [On Earth, 1995] RIKER: Riker to ENTERPRISE, we've cornered the whales in a swimming pool in Boise, Idaho, and are preparing to effect capture. We lost twelve nameless security guards, and Troi broke a nail. PICARD (on ship): Excellent, Number One. RIKER: However.... PICARD: I knew this was coming. RIKER: If it wasn't, we'd only have a 20 minute show. PICARD: Point taken. Continue. RIKER: We've run into two especially nosy natives who've been tracking us this whole time. PICARD: Deal with them however you want, Will. My ancestors are all from France, so whatever happens to two Americans probably won't change my present much. I trust your judgment...now you'll have to excuse me, I'm in the midst of a fascinating article on ancient ruins of the planet Tribble. Picard out. RIKER: Sigh. [Riker, Troi, Worf, Data, Geordi, and Crusher, and contingent of soon-to-be-dead security guards turn to meet Mulder & Scully...note BOISE, IDAHO runs in white letters at the bottom of the screen] MULDER: Freeze, FBI! (holds gun up with arms fully forward in that half-steady manner of his) RIKER: You already did that when you first saw us. MULDER: Yes, but I have to posture first, and show how macho I am! Not that it ever warms up my platonic partner, however. RIKER: YOU want to talk about problems with your "platonic partner"? (chucks a thumb at Troi) CRUSHER: (gives a sad glance up at the ENTERPRISE where the captain is devotedly doting on...his archeology paper) Yeah, get in line, Mister. SCULLY: Who ARE you people? MULDER: They're obviously aliens, Scully! RIKER: Uh...actually, only three of us are. DATA: Two and a half, to be precise, Commander. The counselor is half-human. RIKER: Like you'd be able to tell... [Troi promptly phasers him unconscious] GEORDI: Not again... SCULLY: Surely you don't think they're really aliens, Mulder. There must be some logical explanation for this. MULDER: But Scully, look! One's pale white with gold eyes, another's got some sort of cybernetic grafting on his face - positive proof of genetic engineering with alien DNA - and that big one's got ridges all over his head! SCULLY: The first one could be an albino, or someone with a bizarre skin condition. And look at the second one - that's most likely a barrette over his eyes, Mulder, look at it - just like the kind you can get in any beauty salon (er...so I've heard...not that I need to frequent one, or anything), and the third one probably has some sort of weird genetic deformity. MULDER: But you saw that energy weapon the sexy one fired! That's alien technology if I ever saw it! SCULLY: The government and the military have made major leaps in directed energy discharge weapons...perhaps this is a new prototype we've never heard of. MULDER (jumping up and down, turning red): But Sculllllllyyyy, they SAID they were aliens! SCULLY: Have you ever considered they could be lying? GEORDI: If I can make a suggestion... MULDER: Shut up!! (Waves gun) You have my sister!! Where is she?!?!? Tell me!!! WHERE?!?! DATA: I believe you are acting irrationally... MULDER: (runs up to Worf, points gun at the back of his head). Look, BASE OF THE NECK!!! BASE OF THE NECK!!! NOW WHERE IS SHE?!??!?! WORF: Only a coward attacks from behind. (Slaps Mulder away. His gun fires, but the shot is knocked way off, killing a nameless security guard instead). CRUSHER: He's dead, Will! SCULLY: (Pushes her aside) Out of my way, Red! I have to perform my obligatory autopsy for this episode! (Whips out a laptop and surgical tools, makes extensive logs and notes for hours). Mulder, I've concluded that this man died from a gunshot. MULDER: It couldn't have been! These aliens had something to do with it! They must have abducted him, and the government probably cloned him and gave him a gunshot wound to throw us off track while they kept the alien technologies that killed him for themselves! SCULLY: Mulder, it was a BULLET. YOUR bullet. Don't you trust me? MULDER: Trust no one, Scully! Why, for all I know, you could be in on this...how can I trust someone who doesn't even call me by my first name? SCULLY: But you call me by MY last name! MULDER: That's not the point! You could be a part of this! CRUSHER: (fires phaser in the air) WILL YOU TWO SHUT UP?!?!?! WORF: They fight like Targs in a blood pit, grasping at grizzle and attacking anyone who comes near. DATA: No, no, please continue. I find interpersonal reactions between humans to be a fascinating topic for study. CRUSHER: Data, now is not the time... GEORDI: Look, we're not aliens....well, not most of us, anyway...we're from the future. We're here to apprehend alien whales who are disturbing this era. MULDER: What do you take me for, an idiot? Do you think I'm going to buy that? TROI: It's the truth! MULDER: The truth is out there...somewhere! SCULLY: Mulder...all of these security guards are now dead! Their...life force...has been drained, just like the case with the other victims! MULDER: Not now, Scully, I'm calling up my secret source, Deep Throat II, on this cool little cellular phone of mine! SCULLY: And these whales are rising from the pool, tossing energy bolts! MULDER: I said not now! WORF: The whales are escaping! Fire phasers! [Huge phaser fight takes place, the ENTERPRISE fires photon torpedoes from orbit, blows the whales to small bite-sized chunks. Mulder misses all of it, however, because he's hurried off to that rotting baseball park to meet Deep Throat II, who only tells him that "there's more going on than he knows, and that these are very dangerous times indeed."] MULDER (returns): My G-d! There's a huge crater where the pool used to be! The ground has been fused to glass by some sort of high intensity explosion....and there are large, smoldering chunks of blubber everywhere! SCULLY: Mulder, you won't believe what just happened - MULDER: (ignores her) NOOOO! The government must have covered its tracks and destroyed any evidence of the alien involvement! I'm back to square one again! SCULLY: No, no, there were these huge red blasts from the sky...and these whales...and these flashing red energy guns...and....and...no, that's impossible! Focus, Dana, foooocus...they must have been filming a movie...or maybe I ingested a hallucinogenic substance... MULDER: Government cover-up! SCULLY: Hallucination! MULDER: Alien involvement! SCULLY: Overactive imagination! MULDER: Tastes great! SCULLY: Less filling! GEORDI: If you'll just let us explain... MULDER AND SCULLY: Stay out of this!!! GEORDI: Sheesh! MULDER: Deep Throat II said there was something big going on here! SCULLY: Well, Skinner just called, and told me we've been taken off the case. MULDER: Aha! Then we were getting too close! SCULLY: No, the case is OVER! All of the victims have regained their life forces...except for that security guard you shot. MULDER: His body! It's gone! GEORDI: We just transported it back to the ENTERPRISE, that's all. MULDER: The ENTERPRISE? Then the military's involved in this cover up as well! DATA: Starfleet is not strictly a military organization... WORF, TROI, CRUSHER, and GEORDI: Yeah. (cough cough) Right. RIKER: Uhhh...what'd I miss? MULDER: Memory loss. How convenient. SCULLY: Let me do an autopsy. RIKER: But I'm not dead yet! MULDER: Resurrection! TROI: Please calm down, sir, I'm sensing strong waves of paranoia and agitation... MULDER: Psychic activity! SCULLY: Will you stop that?! MULDER: (Waves gun at the ENTERPRISE crew..again...) All right, I'm taking you in, ALIVE, as living proof of the existence of extraterrestrial visitation! WORF: You? Take US in? DATA: Were I human, I believe the appropriate response would be...not on the best day of your misbegotten lives. Were I human, of course. PICARD (from the ship): Number One, have the whales been dealt with? RIKER: Aye, sir. And I think we've stayed long enough in this madhouse. Mister-Whoever's-Replaced-O'Brien-This-Episode, beam us up. [They Vanish] MULDER: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! SCULLY: (sighs, puts arm around Fox...in a friendly, platonic, utterly non-sexual way, of course). Don't worry, Mulder...we'll get the bottom of all this, someday. MULDER: They were right here...I had them...and they slipped through my fingers again...I'll never find my sister now... SCULLY: There, there, bubala. Come home and I'll make you a nice pot of chicken soup, and then find a nice girl for you to settle down with... **** [Back on the ENTERPRISE, as it returns to the 24th century] RIKER: Whew! I've never been so glad to end an away mission. PICARD: Indeed, Will. It's a wonder humanity ever overcame its suspicion, paranoia, and need for conspiracy and survived past the 1990s... (pulls shirt down). Helmsman, set a course for Starbase 61...er...say, I haven't seen you before, have I? HELMSMAN: (an attractive woman with brown hair bearing a remarkable resemblance to Fox Mulder is at the Conn). I'm...a transfer officer, sir. It's a very long story. Very disturbing. You probably don't want to hear it. PICARD: Very true. All right, Ensign, steady as she goes...warp factor 5. En-gage! [Pump a few creepy bars from the Xfiles music...] THE END ---David Nurenberg (SKIOLD@AOL.COM) ======================================================== I'M A BORG, HE'S BORG, WOULDN'T YOU LIKE TO BE BORG TOO? ======================================================== Enough of these anti borg tactics!! Borg are good. If you make it so...All humans should be linked together... Afterall you are already linked one way or another. To be different is asking for trouble. Given a chance to be different, you all do it at the same time and the same way. You all think alike... the only things that you do differently are things that don't really matter. This is not to say that all of humanity acts the same... We would almost say that most of those who can read this... do act different. (We will have to see the responses to this...) But 90% of the general public are sheep. But the mere mention of collectivising humans... and boom, hatred, fear and irrational dislike... Individuality is a priviledge not a right. So why collectivise? -Instant access to any information you want. -No more war, except with those who don't want to collectivise... -No more unfair distribution of that which we want: -material needs, love, social life, food, intellectual informations, pleasure, pain, novel experiences, etc. -More efficient use of our resources, with no under/ unemployment. (No starvation,) -Less short term gain for long term pain...i.e. environmentally friendliness. -Better distributions of intellectual resources = higher technology -No more prejudicial isms... i.e. no racism. -No crime, or infringement of individual rights. (If properly implemented.) -No more Lawyers, Politicians. -Setec Astronomy...I mean too many secrets (Sneakers fans out there?) -Lazy people/unambitious people will get their dues. Not only that, but you also get a life time subscription to: BORG magazine... now with printed in environmentally friendly virtual reality. A personal ID, maybe even a Name! 50% off all future Borg merchandise. Now isn't that worth sacrificing all the sheep in this world? But wait, you will also have the satisfaction of knowing that the hairclub for men will be out of business! So call 1-8WE-ARE-BORG, to find out how to get your free cybernetic implant. And no salesmen will call and you will not be refused entry based on your medical. Your acceptance is guaranteed, regardless of your age. And remember we are not just the Borg salespeople, we are also members. Call now and you will also get your very own Borg Eye at no extra charge! It sees through dry walls, lets you monitor heart rates, dices and peels.... The first 10000 callers who call in the next two minutes will receive at no extra charge this handsome tritanium carrying case for all your handy new borg implements. Plus 3000 litres of PALE-MY-SKIN(tm). That's 1-8WE-ARE-BORG, have your social insurance card standing by. Must be 2 months of age or older. Those under 18 must have parental consent or stupid parents.... Batteries not included. Some assembly required. Canadian order please add GST, and the word "eh" on your application. :) S.H.I.N. = Synthetic Human Infiltration Node. Cybernetic unit. CPU: Hexadecimium. FPU: not present. RAM: 10 minutes worth. ROM: Non-standard proprietary. BIOS: SHINthetic systems. Fixed Disk: 24 years worth. Basic unit features: Natural skin covered, calcium carbonate endo-skeleton. Realistic scent. Genuine People Personality with Cliff Claven mode. BORG local bus compatible expansion slot. 300 watt power supply. Zero-sleep states. 23 year warranty. ---SHUANG@MECHANICAL.watstar.uwaterloo.ca (Shin) ================= TOS MEETS VOYAGER ================= Part 2 (We last left off where the Enterprise A was confronted by Steve Urkle of Borg. Now we are moving ahead 100 years later to Janeway and the Voyager. Meistro if you will please strike up the Trek Music.) Janeway: Yummy, Yummy Yum a . . . (Chanting.) Kim: Paris, I think she is talking to her spirit guide. Paris: Either that or this no caffine/coffee thing has really affected her mind. Chakotay: You two have nothing better to do than talk behind the Captain's back? Paris: Gee . . . Mitchell is writing our line and actions therefore- Mitchell: Hey leave me out of this. Paris: Aye sir. Kim: Sir, (Looking in shock at the viewscreen.) Paris what is that? Janeway: COFFEE!!!!!!! Paris, Kim, Chakotay, and everyone on the bridge: NO!!! Kim: Sensors show it appears to be some kind of booth? Janeway: That's not good enough what kind of booth is it out there? Kim: Reading some ancient writing . . . URKEL MACHINE . . . (Gasps.) Chakotay: My people have heard legends about this. Janeway: Hail it. Paris: How do you hail a booth? Janeway: (Gritting her teeth.) Do it now. Kim: No response . . . Wait . . . . Sensors are detecting life signs. Janeway: (Looks around.) Lock phasers. Chakotay: NO CAPTAIN! We should beam it aboard. Janeway: Fine. (In the Transporter room.) Tuvok: Let me open it. I got the last fully charged phaser. (The booth opens and Laura Winslow steps out.) Laura: I thought I'd never get out. (Pauses and realizes that she is not in Steve's basement.) Hey, what is this? TO BE CONTINUED? ---Mitch Holzman =========================== THOUGHTS REGARDING THE BORG =========================== I just rerented Star Trek:The Motion Picture and relearned some fascinating things. When Kirk and the gang discovered the true nature of V'Ger, (that it was the NASA Voyager 6 probe), Decker said that Voyager 6 had disappeared when it had fallen into "what they used to call a black hole." Now, this could mean that V'Ger fell into a wormhole, and the twentieth century scientists back at mission control did not know any better, OR it had actually fallen into a black hole, or some simular phenomema. From what I've heard, if an object could traverse a black hole and not be crushed to a singularity by the infinite gravity, it would experience a temporal shift. This brings to mind another question. How could Voyager 6 drop into a black hole and survive? In previous Trek lore (the novel Federation) it has been documented that an object traveling at warp speed can travel into and out of a black hole, but that a temporal shift would occur. What if Voyager 6, drifting through space as those ol' NASA probes used to do, had encountered this black hole, moved in a little closer to take pictures, and then had been detected by the inhabitants of the machine world at the other end. The mechanicals then use some kind of tractor beam to snag V'Ger and pull it into the black hole at warp speed. V'Ger emerges at the other end, but in the PAST relative to the moment that it had fallen into the black hole. The inhabitants of the machine world build for V'ger the huge starship that it uses to seek out the Creator. Just before Decker and V'Ger "got married", Spock speculated that V'Ger needed a human element so that it could explore illogical concepts, like higher dimensions. When Decker completed the union, he and V'Ger vanished in bright flash of glory. Here's what I think happened. When Decker/V'ger return to the machine world, they use their new knowledge of higher dimensions to travel back in time to a moment shortly after V'Ger's initial departure. The inhabitants of the machine world, being only machines, can't understand why V'Ger would interface itself with a carbon unit (Decker). They conlcude that V'Ger is malfunctioning and attempt to reprogram it. This corruption of V'Ger causes it to lose its mind, at which point it severs its link with Decker. V'Ger, however, still wants the Creator (Decker) close to it, so it augments him with cybernetic instruments. Decker is assimilated and becomes the first Borg. In this way, Decker and V'Ger become a perverted kind of Adam and Eve. In a related thingy, in ST:TMP the Ilia/Probe tells Decker that after she completes her investigation of "the carbon units infesting Enterprise" that all carbon units will be "reduced to data patterns". This sounds a lot like assimilation. ---RUSTY SHOCK Guinan's race was decimated two hundred years before TNG. Viger REACHED Alpha about one hundred years before TNG. Thus (unless you calculate in probability of time distortions and warped wormholes, which I won't bother to do though don't doubt the possibility and now I am rambling) the "Borg" being created when Viger met Ilea or whatever her name was doesn't hold up. However... say we go back to some peoples hypothesis that a race once (long long ago, in the DQ, not to be confused with Dairy Queen) used an Internet like device to interconnect each other into some form of "net." After awhile they lost most individuality, and thought as a SORT of group mind (hardly the emotionless Borg we have come to know and love). More like a working form of socialism. All organic bodies are left unattended, and the minds are transmitted INTO the machines. Thus, living machines. After such and such time, along comes Voyager (6 was it?) which they feel is a kindred spirit, and help it out. They send it on its way back home to its creator or whatever as it has completed its mission. Happy days. While it heads back home the Borg lose more of their individuality, and begin to crave new knowledge. Then, somehow, they come in contact with other life forms (it doesn't matter how... there are lots of ways for this...) and assimilate them, all of them. Included in their new group mind is all of this useful information on weapon systems which they adapt and are thus quickly fully defended against that race. Then they leave... ---TOM CHORLTON ============================ RESISTANCE: Chapters 3 and 4 ============================ Part 2 of 12 A Star Trek: Next Generation Serial Chapter Three: An Encounter "Captain's log, supplemental. We have interrupted out mission to transport dilithium crystals to the Ragat IV research lab in order to follow a distress call from the Borg Hugh, originating in the unexplored Epsilon Theta sector." "Mr. Worf, whatever it is that attacked them, we must be cautious. Go to yellow alert and raise the shields. Prepare to activate phasers and photon torpedoes." "Aye, Sir." The Enterprise speeded towards the Epsilon Theta sector at warp 9, scanning the area closely. "The third planet of the Epsilon Theta system is class M. Probably that is where Hugh's distress call came from." Data said. Picard ordered to set a course for the planet and reduce the speed to full impulse. "Captain, an unknown ship is approaching from the other side of the sector!" "On screen." Ensign Seron pushed a button at his console. A large, cube-shaped ship appeared on the screen. "Hail them." "Not necessary, Captain. They are hailing us." Picard stood up and straightened his uniform. "On screen". The inside of the cube ship appeared on the viewscreen. A metallic voice said "We are Borg. Resistance is futile. Surrender or we will destroy your ship. You have 10 minutes." "Wait ..." "They have closed the frequency, Captain." Worf said. Picard pushed a button. Red alert sirens shrieked throughout the ship. Chapter Four: Evacuate Ship! "Opinions?" "This surely resembles the Borg collective we got to know. I wonder if Hugh's distress call was a trap for us." Riker proposed. "I do not think the Borg would set up traps, Commander. It would oppose all known strategies the Borg have used so far." Data countered. "I don't know, Mr. Data. They are individuals by now. An individual Borg would react differently than a collective Borg." Picard proposed. "There was another detail that may be significant, Captain. While Hugh's voice sounded like a normal human voice, the ship's voice was metallic, like the one the Borg used when they were still the collective." Data added. "That may be important, Captain. Maybe only the Borg ships in our vicinity were affected by the thought of individuality, and when the other Borg lost contact with our Borg, they came here to investigate. This ship may be a collective Borg ship." Seron said. "It's my fault. We should have further investigated the Borg ship when they were about to destroy earth. Maybe we would have found out enough about their communications system to know if this is true or not." Riker said. "Your choice was the right one, Number One. Just imagine the Borg noticing their mistake and restoring their crew to active status. The Federation would have been lost." Picard tried to calm down his first officer, "And, besides, we have more actual events to discuss." "Collective or not, I recommend we attack them. If we leave the first shot to them, it would be an advantage for them." Worf suggested. "I think we must find out more. Open a channel." Worf nodded at the Captain, telling him the channel was open. "Borg ship, this is Captain Picard of the Enterprise. What will happen if we surrender to you?" "Talk is irrelevant. Resistance is futile. Your life, as it has been, is over. You will be assimilated." Worf notified Picard that the Borg had closed the frequency, again. "Now we have our proof - they're the collective. Not all their ships have been affected." "Maybe the Federation should have been less proud on its victory over the Borg. We should have been prepared for this. After the massacre at Wolf 359, I don't believe the Enterprise can survive a battle with the Borg. I think we should have all non-necessary personnel and all families abandon the ship. Send them to the class M planet in the system. Mr. Data, how many time is left?" Picard said. "We have exactly 7 minutes and 34 seconds left before the Borg attack." "Then we will have to use all transporters and shuttles. Counsellor Troi, you will take care of the evacuation." Counsellor Troi left the bridge to arrange evacuation. "All off-duty personnel, all family members, abandon the ship. This is not a drill. I repeat, abandon the ship. People on decks one to four, report to transporter room two. Decks five to seven, report to cargo bay two. Sick Bay report to shuttle bay one." The computer announced. Picard's communicator came to life. "Crusher to Picard." "Go ahead, doctor." "I will stay aboard the ship." "No. We do not require medical assistance here. You will leave the ship." "But someone may be injured when we try to fight the Borg." "Your patients are on the planet, Doctor. And, they need someone to stay in control of the situation. I'm putting you in charge." "Aye, Sir." Picard sighed, convinced that his decision to save Dr. Crusher's life against her will was the right one. "The ship has been evacuated." The computer announced. "Officers remaining aboard: Captain Jean-Luc Picard, Commander William T. Riker, Lt. Commander Data, Chief Engineer Lt. Commander Geordi LaForge, Lieutenant Worf, Ensign Seron, Security teams one and two, Engineering crew one." Hoping the others would survive, Picard ordered "Mr. Data, activate automatic shield and phaser frequency modulation. Mr. Worf, fire." TO BE CONTINUED ---bero@rage.fido.de OR Bernhard Rosenkraenzer@2:2452/307.46 (FIDO). ================================================================= __ __ _____ _____ ______ / // // ___// ___// __ / / // // /__ / /_ / /_/ / / // //__ // __/ / ____/ / // /___/ // / / / /____//____//_/ /_/ The Universal Science Fiction Parody (An Epic of Novel Proportions) by Derek G Bacon: Internet: lightnin@world.std.com ================================================================= [Scene 66. Interior Shot. The lobby of a bank as seen from above (possibly a security camera). The view will remain at this odd angle until Scene Change, then, director can resume normal practices.] [Life seems to be going along normally, until suddenly, the glass of the front wall explodes inward. One security guard is knocked to the floor. The other guard, stationed near the tellers, draws his gun and is immediately shot with a laser blast. Six robots from Latveria and four rock warriors from Dimension X enter, heavily armed and feeling violent. One robot orderas everyone to the ground while two others shoot at the ceiling. Eventually, one aims directly at the camera and fires.] [Static.] [Erratic Scene Change. Interior Shot.] [The same bank lobby, but from a different, more normal, perspective. The same robots and Rock warriors hold everybody hostage. One of the robots opens a canister and releases a green cloud of gas into the lobby. Everyone, except the robots and warriors falls unconscious. A very fat, bald man in a white suit and wearing a gas mask enters. He is holding a cigar, which is kind of silly since the gas is still in the air, and the mask is in the way.] [When the gas finally dissipates, he pulls off the mask, bites off the end of his cigar, lights it from a match he pulls out of his pocket, and tosses the matchbook behind him. He calls out the window.] KINGPIN: Ok, boys, load up. [Ten syndicate goons enter and rush to open the open vault. They quickly load all the money into bags and disappear out the window. The Kingpin stamps out his cigar, signals and exits, followed by the robots and Rock warriors.] [Fade to black.] [Scene 67. Exterior Shot.] [The Government Jet Testing Range at White Sands, New Mexico. It is somewhat cleaner now, most of the wreckage has been cleared away, although, a few technicians are still about. Sam Beckett and Gary Seven walk towards the collection of trailers. Keeping pace with them is Roberta Lincoln in a mini-skirt, tye-dyed, low-cut blouse, head band, necklace of beads, and other trappings of the sixties hippy. Keeping pace with her is Rear Admiral Albert Calavicci, leering.] GARY: What happened here? SAM: An experimental jet crashed a couple of days ago. GARY: How's the pilot? SAM: Uh, missing. GARY: Missing?! SAM: Technicians have been combing the wreckage for even one sign of the pilot. So far, nothing. GARY: Could he have ejected? SAM: No, we found the eject mechanism with the rest of the wreckage. GARY: That is unusual, but we're getting...side...track... [Sam and Gary look into the distance and see five figures approaching them. As they move close, their leader, introduces himself. Sort of.] DOCTOR: Hello, you must be one of my fellow time travellers. Pretty rude way of going about it, stealing other people's lives, don't you think? SAM: Excuse me, who, who are you? DOCTOR: Oh, terribly sorry. This is Lady Romanadveratrelundar, Leela, Adric, and, of course, K-9. [As Dr. Who speaks each of their names, the Companions nod in acknowledgement.] DOCTOR: They're my Companions, and I'm the Doctor. [At this revelation, Al gets visibly excited. He begins punching buttons on the ComLink and runs up in front of Sam.] AL: Sam! Ziggy says there's a 99.44% probability that this is the doctor you're supposed to help. DOCTOR: [Turns to face Al.] There's no need to talk about me in the third person. I'm right here. [Turning to Sam.] However, I take it this means, Sam, that I can count on your help? SAM: Um, yeah, sure. DOCTOR: Good. Not having to convince you will help. It will save time, which is a commodity of which we have very little at the moment. GARY: Mr. Goldman, what is going on here? SAM: I'm not quite sure. I am sure that there are some things we all need to get out in the open. DOCTOR: Excuse me, we must move aside. About four meters. [He and the Companions move aside.] SAM: What? DOCTOR: Get over here, now! [Sam, Gary, and Roberta move over near the Doctor, just as there is a flash of white light and the time travelling Plymouth Volare' appears, drives through Al's hologram, and skids to a halt a few hundred yards away.] SAM: Oh, boy. [Scene 68. Interior Shot. The Command Center of War Rocket Ajax. Two rows of drones montior banks of computer terminals. A few officers in Mongo Military Gear stride about. A beeping sound is heard.] J. RANDOM OFFICER: Admiral Rooney, incoming message from Agent Warlock. ROONEY: Let's have it. [The officer gestures with his left hand, the nearest drone makes some adjustments, and the head of 'Harry' appears on the screen.] ROONEY: What have you to report? WARLOCK: There is a problem. ROONEY: That is unsatisfactory! Ming will not tolerate failure. WARLOCK: Perhaps 'problem' is too strong a word. 'Delay' is more accurate. ROONEY: What is it? WARLOCK: The party we have joined with is missing two droids. They will not go on until they are found. ROONEY: Sentimental fools. Leave them. WARLOCK: Gordon, Zarkov, and Evans will not. They have this overdeveloped sense of decency. Our only hope is to find the droids, quickly. ROONEY: Have you scanned them yet? WARLOCK: Yes. ROONEY: Transmit the data to me, we'll see what we can do. WARLOCK: Transmitting. ROONEY: [After a few moments.] We have it. Now, get back to your assignment. [He switches off the screen.] J. RANDOM OFFICER: This will be difficult. I do not think our technology can duplicate this. ROONEY: Then we must locate them immediately. Get to work! To be continued..... =============== UPCOMING IN RIF =============== STAR TREK: THE VCR! STAR TREK: BORG O' RAMA RESISTANCE: A TNG Serial: Chapter 5: A Hasty Decision? Chapter 6: An Unexpected Visitor UNIVERSAL SCIENCE FICTION PARODY Episode 18 (Sc.69-70) ============== THE FINE PRINT ============== TRYING TO LOCATE A COPY OF RIF???? WORLD WIDE WEB/FTP: http://marshall.edu/~swann1/cborg2.html ftp://fvkma.tu-graz.ac.at/pub/star-trek/rif INTERNET EMAIL:Request free subscription: k.taborn@genie.geis.com LOCAL BBS: There are various BBS distribution centers (when you call, tell them you heard about their BBS from RIF!): THE Q CONTINUUM (405) 282-4676 Oklahoma AMITREK BBS (407) 348-3365 Kissimmee, FL WARPCORE (516) 243-1698 Long Island, NY U.S.S. 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