_____________ ____________ ____________ * / R \ */ \ */ \ * | E ______ | *\____ ____/ *| ________/ * | S |******| | ****| |*** *| F |******** * | I | *| | *| | *| U |____ * | S ~~~~~~~ / *| I | *| T \ * | T ____ \ *| S | *| I ____/ * | A |*** \ \ *| | *| L |*** * | N | * \ \ ___*| |____ *| E | * | C | * \ \/ \ *| | * \__E_/ * \___/______________/ *\____/ ***** **** ************** ***** RIF BBS (805) 588-9349 P.O. Box 81181 Bakersfield, CA 93308 subscriptions: ktaborn@bak2.lightspeed.net http://www.tamnet.interbusiness.it/htmlpages/adds/ borgpage/ shopslow.htm http://w ww.marshall.edu/~swann1/cborg2.html ftp://fvk ma.tu-graz.ac.at/pub/star-trek/RIF THE OFFICIAL ORGAN OF THE GALACTIC BORG CONSCIOUSNESS ISSUE NUMBER 55 JALAL 153 B.E. 9 Apr - 27 Apr 1996 ========= CONTENTS ========= FROM THAT PESKY EDITOR-IN-CHIEF: Sci-Fi Universe & XMR STAR TREK VOYAGER: THE VOYAGE HOME! STAR TREK COMPARATIVE COMMANDER ANALYSIS: Question 3 RESISTANCE: A TNG Serial: Chapter 15 Good and Bad News Chapter 16 A Trap? STAR TREK: DOOR REPAIR GUY: 4. Last Exit to Borglyn The Fine Print =============================== FROM THAT PESKY EDITOR-IN-CHIEF =============================== Resistance is Futile is happy to announce a "sister" publication: Xena Media Review (XMR). XMR is an on-going collection and annotation of references to the syndicated hour long television show, Xena: Warrior Princess (XWP), and the actresses Lucy Lawless and Renee O'Connor which could be found in the major media in electronic form. XMR #01, released March 29, 1996, covered the Pre-Xena Years from 04/01/91- 04/21/95. XMR #02, released April 5, 1996, and #03 and the beginning of #04, covers the first appearance of XWP in the major media to just before production of the show began, 04/01/91- 6/02/95. The remainder of #04 and the subsequent issues will provide annotations to media references from 06/02/95 to the then current date. It is anticipated that XMR will be issued weekly until the past annotations have been covered. After that, XMR will be released as the references appear. If you would like a free e-mail subscription, just send "subscribe XMR" to ktaborn@bak2. lightspeed.net. The boys behind Sci-Fi Universe are at it again. My love hate relationship continues. I started out blindly in love with the publication when Chris Gore was the head honcho. When Mark Altman took over I immediately went into hate mode. However, the last few issues were looking like they were coming out of their creative funk. I began to enjoy the magazine's obsessive hatred of Star Trek: Deep Space Nine. But what happens?? The last two issues they decide that they love Deep Space Nine. Hey, I can handle that! And I guess I can handle their latest bizarity. Check out the May 1996 issue. The one with Pam in all her glory. It's a magazine that has Larry Flynt written all over it. This is not the surprise. The magazine has always been conscious of the ability to sell more magazines by a strategically placed photo or drawing. The surprise is page 37, "Babes in Boyland." Suddenly we find an oasis of social criticism of blatant sexism in the midst of a sea of blatant sexism. The article "Babes in Boyland" is an expos‚ (like, no one has noticed!) of sexism on science fiction television and movies. The article spares us the review of sexism in science fiction magazines! Should we be happy? The eternal optimist in me sees the value of someone in the business actually putting in print what everyone has noticed since almost day one. However, the irony of the article was ignored. Again, the eternal optimist dictates that the publishers added it just to be as outrageous as they are always trying to be. Sci-Fi Universe was to be the Film Threat for the science fiction media world. It was and it sometimes still is. Perhaps they are in the midst of a mythic battle within themselves and hope that by this article others will pick up a weapon and take it further. Take it to that distance to its logical conclusion, but also that distance they seem not to have been able to reach this issue. This month we have a short Mitch Holzman parody which deals with some underlying Voyager tensions in a very efficient manner. The third question of the Star Trek Comparative Commander Analysis offers alternatives to a current problem on Star Trek: Deep Space Nine. Bernard Rosenkrantz's rousing cliff-hanger serial continues, and the latest installment of Star Trek: Door Repair Guy, "Last Exit to Borglyn", turns up the fire. Enjoy. ---Oxnardus =================================== STAR TREK VOYAGER: THE VOYAGE HOME! =================================== Out there somewhere is a Captain and her crew. They have been lost in Space for almost two years now and the viewers who watch them from home have gotten very disgusted by the poor acting and scripts which they have been getting. People are gathering at UPN with picket signs demanding that Braga and Berman step down. Meanwhile: Star Trek: Voyager Music Captain's Log Supplemental: We no longer use star-dates anymore because it just confuses the audience. I am now finding that Neelix's coffee has a calming effect on my crew and that of myself. Everyone on the ship is feeling pretty bad because our Nielsen ratings have dropped way below the "I'll watch level." Mr. Paris has suggested that maybe we should show you the intimate parts of the ship. The places where all of UPN's other shows allow the viewers to see disgusting rituals of sexual content. However I have said no. Let Berman make that choice. If he does make that choice I'll have no choice but to destroy this ship! (Janeway Out!) Paris: Captain are you sure? It will get viewers to watch our pathetic lives. Janeway: The answer is no. You do understand the meaning of no. Kim: That he does Captain. Every female on the ship refuses to talk with him. Even the holodeck programs... Paris: I'll see you Harry after SHIFT! Kim: Oh I am sorry sir!! Just because I make a comment now you have to threaten me with violence! Tuvok: Hey! Cut it out. Don't make me have to get tough with you both! Chakotay: I thought the coffee was to make everyone feel mellow. Janeway: Apparently Ensign Kim and Mr. Paris do not drink Mr. Neelix's coffee. Kim & Paris: That's right. Paris: Hey...Tuvok and Chakotay, you know we have been out here lost for two years and our Captain tends to be a highly emotional wreck every time we make contact with new life. Tuvok: Your assessment of our Captain's condition is quite accurate. I have noticed this tendency too. Janeway: Tuvok, you traitor! Tuvok: If I were a traitor Captain, I would I taken out my phaser like this. Placed it on heavy stun and fired. (Knocks Janeway out.) Chakotay: Thanks, Tuvok. Now it's time to finally get us home. (Taps his badge.) Torres, do you have the coordinates of where the second Caretaker is? Torres: Yes, sir. Chakotay: Good, plot them in... Torres: Aye, Sir. Chakotay: Mr. Paris, arm all weapons. Tuvok: I will assist. The Caretaker II appears on the screen. Tuvok: Firing phasers at the weapons platform.... Weapons disabled. (A little child appears on the bridge.) Child: I see this time you mean business and want to go home. Chakotay: Yes! D***n it! YES! Child: Are you willing to hand over the tech of this ship? Chakotay: You mean the Chief Engineer? She's my lover. (All eyes stare at Chakotay.) Child: No silly, the technology. Chakotay: Look, little girl. We want to go home NOW! Child: Very well. This show is lame anyway. (The Voyager ends up coming out of the Worm-Hole near DS9.) Dax: Sir, you're not going to believe this... Sisko: What another Changeling invasion? Dax: No, it's the Federation starship VOYAGER.. Sisko: It can't be.. It must be the Jem Hadar. Dax: They are hailing us... Sisko: Red Alert! This could be the big one... Worf stand by on weapons. (On the screen appears Chakotay) Chakotay: Sir, this is the Voyager... We were in the bad lands. We got sucked 70,000 light years away by a mysterious probe named the Caretaker. I am a maquis soldier. Sisko: WHAT? DO YOU HONESTLY EXPECT ME TO BELIEVE THIS? Mr. Worf lock all weapons on that ship! What do you take me for changelings? A fool? Chakotay: What? What are you talking about? We are not changelings. (Neelix appears with his adorb tray.) Sisko: What the---- Mr. Worf fire.... (Immediately the station destroys the Voyager... Captain's Log: Upon examining the wreckage of the Voyager we have discovered that we have made a terrible mistake. Apparently Chakotay had been telling the truth. Starfleet has finally told the families what happened. As for me. I await the next Jem Hadar Changeling threat... Sisko out. Voyager end music credits... ---Mitch Holzman ======================================= STAR TREK COMPARATIVE COMMANDER ANALYSIS ======================================= No matter what Star Trek subs and message boards you peruse, we inevitably come upon the question of WHO'S THE BEST CAPTAIN? We here at the Skiold Foundation for Comparative Commander Analysis feel it necessary to compare each leader in both subjective and objective contexts - namely, how would each face a situation that another triumphed over? This month we tackle the third question out of four with responses from our four captains, PLUS, at no extra charge, feedback from various other commanders we've had a chance to meet. QUESTION #3: ------------ An expedition into an unknown region of space accidentally yields a hostile, advanced, unrelenting alien empire who will wipe out your entire society if you don't collapse the wormhole that leads there. This, of course, will also deprive you of the scientific wonders that lay beyond, not to mention your job. What do you do? CAPTAIN KIRK "Disguise myself as one of them, sneak aboard their ship, bed the most highly placed female in their military, and, if all else failed, threaten them with a bluff so ridiculous that they can't believe it's a bluff, causing them to back off and leave us alone. For example, there's this element called Corbomite that we carry on our ships..." CAPTAIN PICARD "There must be some diplomatic way of settling this. Failing that, collapse the wormhole." COMMANDER SISKO: "There must be some diplomatic way of settling this. Failing that, collapse the wormhole." CAPTAIN JANEWAY "Sometimes you just have to punch your way through - I'd take my ship right into the heart of their space and blow their command center to smithereens. Unless they brewed some really great coffee, in which case we'd take some of that, first." CAPTAIN KURN "Collapse the wormhole? And deny ourselves years of glorious battle? You must be insane!" COMMANDER TOMALAK "We would not collapse so strategic a find - let them attack, they'll not find Romulus wanting." GUL DUKAT "Allow an outsider to threaten Cardassian interests? You make me laugh. Moreso, you make me suspicious. How could you even suggest such a thing could occur? It could not, you know. Are you harboring any other such notions?" THE GRAND NAGUS "What's the big deal? Bribe the h**l out of them - there's no disagreement in existence that a little latinum won't smooth over. What do they want? Starships? Girls? Weapons? Those cool little communicators with sound boards that actually WORK?" LOCUTUS, OF BORG "Their resistance would be futile. They would be assimilated. You ALL will become one with the Borg." HAN SOLO "Start wars? Collapse wormholes? Let me tell you, buddy, the second I saw even one warship bearing down on me I'd hyper out of there so fast they'd be choking on my engine exhaust....huh? What do you mean, Chewie, the hyperdrive's not working again?!?" Q Yawn. I'd blink and wipe out their entire race. It worked for Kevin Uxbridge, right? ---David Nurenberg, SKIOLD@AOL.COM ============================== RESISTANCE: Chapters 15 and 16 ============================== Part 8 of 12 A Star Trek: Next Generation Serial Chapter Fifteen: Good and Bad News One of the individual Borg brought the Engineering team the abandoned linking parts. Ensign t'Pal started analyzing them. It would not have been a problem to her under normal circumstances, but without a science tricorder and without appropriate repair tools, it was quite a difficult job. At first, the Vulcan couldn't understand how the gadget worked. The Borg tried to explain to her what he knew about it - but he knew rather few about it. Technical knowledge on the Borg improvements was not saved in their brains. In the times of the collective, he could have accessed the information from one of the Borg central computers, but in his individual form, he had no such access. The Borg explained this. He added "Still I would not want to be a part of the collective again. They gave us excellent knowledge, but we had no use for it. We were just operating - like a computer. Without a conscience, and without knowing anything about the effects our deeds would have." While the Borg discussed the advantages and disadvantages with Lieutenant Talas, t'Pal continued working on the link. They just had to find out how this kind of communication worked. Suddenly, her communicator beeped. "t'Pal here." she said. "This is Doctor Crusher. We have good news. We've just got a message from the Enterprise. They are alive, and the ship is still operational." "Have they defeated the Borg?" "No. The Borg ship has been damaged, but it is not beyond repair. Mr. Data estimates it will take them 6 hours to get back here, and another hour to detect the Enterprise." "An entire hour? What are they doing?" "They have equipped the Enterprise with a Romulan cloaking device, Ensign. The Borg can not yet detect cloaked ships. They've never seen one before." "Interesting tactics. I just wonder why the Romulans gave their cloaking device away so easily." "Captain Picard thinks they want our help to be saved from the Borg, an enemy they could not defeat on their own." "Maybe yes, but it is still atypical for a Romulan. We should be prepared for another surprise." Chapter Sixteen: A Trap? The Enterprise dropped its speed, then cloaked, and entered the planet's orbit. Picard tapped his communicator. "Picard to Crusher. What's going on the planet?" Dr. Crusher explained the situation to Picard. "I think we should talk to the individual Borg. They may be the only solution to our problem. Mr. Data, Mr. LaForge, you're with me. Number One, you have the bridge." "I must object." Riker said. "You should not beam down to the planet, Captain. The individual Borg may be a help, of course, but they may as well be a trap." "Your objection is noticed, Number One. I need to talk with these Borg by myself. If the Borg should come early, and you think they can detect you, you are ordered to leave orbit at maximum speed." Picard and Data left the bridge. To be continued.... ---Bernard Rosenkrantz: bero@rage.fido.de ========================== STAR TREK: DOOR REPAIR GUY ========================== Season One. Episode Four. "Last Exit to Borglyn" "Captain's log, stardate 49584.9. We are approaching the Cuniculi Cluster deep in intergalactic space. I hope that the wormhole which brought us here has also delivered the Battle Section within sensor range of this stellar landmark. As these are the only stars within millions of light years the possibility of intercepting the Battle Section there is quite encouraging. There is also the opportunity of discovering new lifeforms within the cluster itself. In the meanwhile Dr Crusher and Counsellor Troi are intensifying their efforts to shelter our Borg confederates from the harsher effects of cultural perestroika." +++++ The transporter room. Six crewmembers materialize on the transporter pad and step off. One of them is Nurse Ogawa. Dr. Crusher and Counsellor Troi hurry in between the exiting personnel. Crusher: "Ogawa, what did you find?" "I ran through the checklist as you directed, Doctor. I counted a total of two hundred and fourteen social ills down there, including gangsterism, arson, graffiti, and some pretty weird and compelling body-piercing." "It's just as I feared. We've removed their social structure, and put nothing in its place. Have you seen any signs of beneficial Federation cultural influence?" "They've started a barney.purple.dinosaur.die.die.die discussion group." "Well, that's a blessing. I fear, though, that they will not develop a healthy post-collective way of life until they've seen more examples of unique fully-functioning cultures." Troi: "Tell me, Ogawa. There have been quite a few Enterprise crewmembers down there for considerable stretches of time now. Have you noticed anyone who has shown signs of developing Borg ways?" "No, Counsellor, but I've been busy on my own assignment." The three leave the transporter room. As soon as they go the transporter operator locks the console and leaves, probably for a visit to the head. A moment later the transporter activates and a figure in orange overalls materializes on the pad with his back to us. The camera moves in. [Ominous music.] The figure turns suddenly, with his face lit from below, and grins an evil grin. He raises a bare forearm and presses a newly implanted control with his finger. The transporter effect surrounds him and he disappears. [Kettle drums.] +++++ "Crawlspace: the final frontier. These are the voyages of the Door Repair Guy. His mission: to install and maintain proximity-activated entranceways, to stake out new rooms and new service conduits -- to boldly go where no one with a pass key has gone before." [Music] Star Trek: Door Repair Guy Whoosh! (the Saucer Section mounted on a Borg Cube) Starring Door Repair Guy as Himself Whoosh! (the Battle Section) Also Starring Patrick Stewart as Captain Jean-Luc Picard Whoosh! (Saucer Section/Borg Cube again) Jonathan Frakes as Cmdr. William Riker Michael Dorn as Lt. Worf LeVar Burton as Lt. Cmdr. Geordi LaForge Gates McFadden as Doctor Beverly Crusher Marina Sirtis as Counsellor Deanna Troi Brent Spiner as Lt. Cmdr. Data and Patti Yasutake as Nurse Ogawa The Battle Section looms into view, begins to elongate in the warp effect, suddenly snaps back into shape, and sneaks off the left side of the screen. +++++ [Commercial: Shot of a tattoo parlour. The proprietor and his customer are standing outside the door, grinning. Inside, we see the proprietor applying his tools to the customer's bicep. The customer shows off the finished tattoo: heart and dagger, and a ribbon reading `Mom'. Voice-over: "There's something about a craftsman's work that escapes mass-production. I've been tattooing now for, oh, thirty years. My kids are following in my footsteps. That makes me pretty happy." Second voice: "Molson's Signature Beers are made entirely without preservatives by our most experienced brewmasters. Make them part of your family tradition."] +++++ A level deep in the Borg ship. The transporter effect. Door Repair Guy materializes, picks up his toolbox, and begins to work his way along the narrow, cluttered corridor, peering into dark recesses, obviously searching for someone or something. There is a loud clatter as an empty bottle skitters away from his foot. He cranes his neck toward a shadowy side passage. Two Borg glare back defiantly, concealing lit cigarettes in their cupped hands. He searches on. Eventually he comes to a hand- lettered sign: NOT FRAGILE SURGICAL IMPLANTS. Light escapes from the cracks around a closed door nearby. He pulls the door open and enters. Inside is a small reception area with a desk and chairs. A Borg sits behind the desk, flipping through a magazine. She looks up. Whatever bare skin shows on her is covered with iridescent tattoos that move and appear to play out stories. She closes the magazine. Cinefantastique. "Is Not Fragile in?" "Yeah." She pops her gum. "Is he with a client?" "Nobody from the Earl Grey if that's what you mean." (DRG thinks: `So that's what they're calling it.') "I'd like to see him, if it's not too much trouble." "I'll buzz him." She casually flips up a cherry red fingernail and pushes a control underneath. An inner door opens and another Borg appears. DRG: "Not Fragile!" Not Fragile: "Door Repair Guy, my buddy! Come in, come in. Very good work on the doors, my friend. Borg from all over the ship are coming in just to see them. You know, we always knew about doors, but until recently they seemed somehow . . . irrelevant." "Use them wisely and they will be your friends. Use them foolishly and you will have to find something long and narrow to push into the little hole in the middle of the knob." "Wise words, wise words. Tell me, how is the tattoo feeling?" Door Repair Guy unzips the front of his coveralls, shrugs his bare shoulders out and turns his upper back toward the Borg. Across his shoulder blades are the words LABATT MAXIMUM ICE. The letters have a shimmering quality as if beer is continually pouring through them. He grins and does a thumbs-up. "Excellent." The Borg admires his work, nodding. DRG: "I have come for the procedure we talked about." Not Fragile becomes serious. "It is delicate work. To install the units is easy. To retain the natural feeling is a tricky matter." "I can make it worth your while." DRG lifts his tool box onto the table and opens the latches. The Borg shows obvious interest. DRG opens the lid. Inside are stacks of Mickey Spillane novels: "I, the Jury," "Kiss Me, Deadly," "My Gun is Quick." Not Fragile calls through the door: "Madeline, cancel all my appointments!" +++++ [Commercial: Peter Gzowski for Literacy Week.] +++++ Dr Crusher and Counsellor Troi materialize on a level inside the Borg Cube. The Doctor lifts a tricorder from her pocket and begins to take a sweep of the local area. Troi watches her enviously and says: "Beverly, I'm so jealous of you." "Jealous? Whatever for?" "Your pockets! You're the only one I know in Starfleet who has pockets!" Crusher smiles self-consciously. "They were eliminated in a general campaign to protect computer systems from lint. Starfleet Medical fought for them and was granted an exemption." "On what grounds?" "Oh, we just made something up. It's ridiculous not to have pockets. They're so useful." They start to make their way along the cluttered passage. "Beverly, now that we're off the ship, I wanted to ask you: what do you really think about this Borg/Enterprise Confederation?" "I don't know, Deanna. It's such a grey area. Are they part of the Federation or not? If I help one of them am I breaking the Prime Directive or not? I so much want to help them through their current difficulties, but to what end? If we lead them toward our own lifestyle won't they just become second-class crewmembers? I'd love to see them settle down on some moon somewhere and devote themselves to growing prize-winning orchids, but would they still be Borg?" "I think that's for them to decide." "But how? They seem to have descended into a complete state of anarchy." "Perhaps they just have to try out their individuality for a while. I'm sure that in time they'll evolve some sort of government. We supplied them with our entire political philosophy database." Doctor Crusher gazes off into the future. "I imagine them turning out sort of like the Bynars. Computer-dominated, to be sure, but . . . nice." A match strikes in a nearby alley. It briefly illuminates the faces of four Borg as one of them lights a cigarette. Counsellor Troi suddenly gets a bad feeling. The spark of the cigarette tip passes from side to side as they each take a drag. "Beverly . . ." "Hey, you four, don't you know smoking can stunt your growth?" The four move out of the darkened alley. Each of them is a female juvenile, and each one wears a sneer that would intimidate Marlon Brando. "Why doncha post a notice, Doctor? `Smoking is a contributing factor in the development of cancer and bronchitis.'" "If you girls are smart enough to know that then you're smart enough to know it doesn't just happen to other people." "Ooooo, she sounds like my mother." "You don't have a mother." "Maybe that's why I turned out wrong." "Beverly, I'm ready to beam out. Are you?" "Just a moment, Troi. I want to give these girls some pamphlets." "Why doncha gimme one on head lice? I was thinkina growin hair." "Beverly, you don't know what I'm reading off them." "Deanna, they're just going through a difficult stage. I've dealt with teenagers before. All it takes is a firm hand and a kind voice. Why, some of Wesley's little friends . . ." "Transporter Chief! Two to beam up! Now!" The transporter effect. Troi and Crusher are on the transporter pad. "Deanna!" On the Borg ship the four juveniles turn away, one by one. "Stupid jerks," mutters Louise. "Shoulda taken a broken beer bottle to 'em," says Marla. "Did you see those pockets?" whispers Angelina. Mabel nods. +++++ A corridor in the Saucer Section. Door Repair Guy walks into view. He slows, comes to a stop, pulls out a tricorder and takes readings behind and in front of him. Satisfied that there is no one around, he sits down, unlaces and removes his work boots and pulls off his work socks (the grey kind with the white and orange stripes at the top). He steps into the middle of the corridor, takes his mark, stretches his arms and legs, draws a deep breath, and bends forward at the waist. He waggles his arms and rolls his head. He grips his toes, keeping his legs straight. He gazes down at his feet, visualizing. Suddenly he flips his right big toenail up and pushes the control imbedded underneath. He straightens up carefully and, holding his arms out for balance, begins to levitate. He wriggles his body, smiling with delight. He assumes a number of Olympic postures. He imitates a number of famous statues. He practices the 4x100 freestyle. Hanging upside down in the middle of the corridor he overhears a conversation approaching. He stabs his forefinger at his forearm and vanishes in a Borg transporter effect. Two crewmembers approach along the corridor, talking. They slow and stop, and stand in mute contemplation of the work boots and socks. +++++ [Commercial: Sorels] [Bob: "How about that Door Repair Guy? People have been sending in postcards and letters, and faxes too, asking, `He looks so familiar. What has he acted in before?' So our research guy did some work, and . . . can you run that clip you found of the Door Repair Guy?" Fast-motion clip of Six Million Dollar Man running along beside a 1976 Chevette. Bob makes his significant fact face.] +++++ "Captain's Log, supplemental. We have entered the Cuniculi Cluster. Soon we shall know whether the Battle Section has made it to this natural rendezvous point." "Captain, long-range sensors are picking up a vessel approaching the Cluster, heading 315 mark 98." "Is it the Battle Section, Ensign?" "Affirmative, Captain." A cheer goes up on the bridge. "All right, everyone. We'll have time to celebrate once we've successfully concluded docking procedures. Helm, set an intercept course." "Aye, aye, sir!" Cut to the battle bridge. "Commander, I'm picking up a vessel approaching at warp speed." "Do you have visual?" "Aye sir." "On screen." Visual of approaching Borg Cube with Saucer Section mounted on the leading corner. "Oh my God! The Borg have assimilated the Saucer Section! Evasive maneuvres!" Cut to the main bridge. "Captain, they're making a power turn. They're warping out. Captain, they're heading straight into Alpha Cuniculi." Dr Crusher: "They're going to hide in the star's corona and attempt to destroy us with an induced solar flare." "Helm, move us one astronomical unit away from the star. That should give us plenty of time to avoid any solar flares. Science Officer, are we able to extend metaphasic shielding around the entire Borg/Saucer confederation?" "Unknown, sir. It's a matter of entering the programme into the Borg collective unconscious. With their present antisocial frame of mind I don't think it would be possible." Troi: "That's right. They're too alienated right now." Everyone stops what they're doing. Heads shake all around the bridge. Troi: "Sorry." "Sir, we could disengage the Borg Cube and extend metaphasic shields around the Saucer. But we would be without warp drive." "That's no good. There must be some other option." Picard taps his commbadge. "Transporter Chief, this is the Captain. Is there any way to transport a person on to a ship which is using metaphasic shielding inside a star's corona?" *It is theoretically possible, sir. The metaphasic shields are designed to exclude only the types of energy emitted by the star in question. If we can modify the transporter beam so that it is emitted in an energy form exotic to Alpha Cuniculi, and if the corona's ambient energy profile remains fairly constant, we should be able to beam someone on to that ship. But I would want to do extensive testing first. Only a fool would step on to the transporter pad without it* "About how much time would you need?" *Days, weeks. It's impossible to tell until we get some preliminary results* "Thank you, Chief. Picard out." He turns to his staff. Worf: "Captain, if we waste time experimenting we will lose the element of surprise. As soon as they see what we're trying they'll make a point of remaining beyond transporter range. I suggest we go with the fool option." "Agreed." Picard touches his commbadge. "Picard to Door Repair Guy. Please report to my ready room." +++++ The ready room. Picard is seated at his desk, Counsellor Troi on the chesterfield. The door signal chimes. "Come." Worf enters, followed by the Door Repair Guy. "Captain." "Technician, I've called you here today because we have a very delicate situation that I believe requires your special abilities." Door Repair Guy grins like a jackanapes, totally sucked in by the flattery. Picard continues. "We have made contact with the missing Battle Section, but owing to the unusual appearance of our vessel, whoever it is who is in charge over there has come to the very reasonable conclusion that we have been assimilated by the Borg." "I swear, Captain, it's totally reversible!" "Ah . . . quite." Worf and Troi exchange worried looks. The Captain continues. "Here is the situation. We are currently one astronomical unit away from Alpha Cuniculi. The Battle Section is hiding from us in the corona of the star. We believe that if we come too close to them they will set off a series of solar flares in an attempt to destroy us. Our plan is to warp in on a stealth approach pattern and execute a near warp transport of one of our personnel on to the Battle Section. That person will then contact the commanding officer and demonstrate our good intentions." He pauses, preparing his closing arguments. "What's needed now is someone with an intimate knowledge of the Battle Section, who is highly motivated and willing to take a risk, and who is able to think on his feet if the unexpected happens. Do you know such a person?" "Yes, sir! Mr Worf!" Picard takes a deep breath. "Unfortunately, Mr Worf is needed on the bridge. Need I remind you that your quarters are on board the Battle Section?" "That's right! My stuff! I'll do it!" "Excellent! Mr Worf, would you be so good as to brief Mr, um, Guy on what he can expect over there?" "Gladly, Captain." Worf and the Door Repair Guy leave. "Any thoughts, Counsellor?" "It's strange. On almost every level he's completely moronic. And yet I can't help feeling he's got something up his sleeve." "We can only hope. I have a strong suspicion we will only get one chance at this." [Commercial-proximity camera angle and music.] [Commercial: American Express Traveller's Cheques] +++++ The transporter room. Door Repair Guy is on the transporter pad, loaded down with every variety of emergency equipment. Worf is concluding his briefing. "And at all cost avoid the expression, `Resistance is futile.' Do you have any questions?" "Yeah. I've been thinking. What do I get out of this?" "PetaQ! You quibble over remuneration when there is glory to be attained?" "Well don't get your shorts in a knot. I was only asking." *Picard to Worf. We are ready to make our stealth run. Is your team ready?* "Transporter Chief is ready. Door Repair Guy is as ready as he'll ever be." "Hey!" *Acknowledged. Prepare to transport on my mark* Shot of the Borgoprise elasticizing into warp. The stars of the Cuniculi Cluster extend into white curves as the ship corners. Suddenly the yellow shape of Alpha Cuniculi swells into view, filling the bottom half of the shot. Abruptly, the stars turn back into points. *Transporter room, now!* The transporter beam surrounds Door Repair Guy. On the battle bridge Geordi shouts: "There it is! Initiate photon torpedo spread!" Shot of solar flares erupting from the star's mantle. On the main bridge Picard shouts: "Warp drive now!" The Borgoprise snaps out of the path of an unfurling solar flare in the nick of time. Picard: "Transporter room! Is he away?!" Shot of the half-dematerialized Door Repair Guy on the transporter pad. The Transporter Chief is playing the controls like a piano. "I'm losing the lock! I can't hold him much longer!" Shot of the dematerializing/rematerializing Door Repair Guy. We see him raise one arm and press into it with a forefinger. The transporter beam changes intensity and colour and blinks out. Worf steps up to the pad. He taps his commbadge and reports: "Captain, the Door Repair Guy is away. Where he is, though, is another matter." +++++ A subsidiary corridor somewhere on the Battle Section. A transporter beam appears, fades, strengthens, and suddenly changes colour and emits a burst of light. The beam dissipates, leaving Door Repair Guy looking around. He taps his commbadge and yanks his hand away with a yelp. "Hot!" The commbadge falls to the floor, a blob of molten metal. "Hoowee! That was better than the Wild Mouse!" He saunters over to a nearby turbolift. The doors swoosh open and he enters. "Level 42." He nearly jumps out of his skin at the first chords of "Lessons of Love", but he's really getting into the riff by the time the doors open, depositing him on the bottommost deck of the Enterprise. He follows several narrow, winding corridors, ducking his head periodically to avoid low-hanging pipes, and at last he comes to a lone out-of-the-way door. "Home." He enters his personal lock code and walks in. "Hello, stuff." He stops. On a chair in the midst of Door Repair Guy's stuff, frozen by surprise in the act of lifting a forkful of beans from a tin can to his mouth, sits the renegade fugitive, Cmdr. William Riker. "Wow! What a great place to say --- CONTINUED NEXT ISSUE ---Douglas A. McLeod (ai919@freenet.carleton.ca) =============== UPCOMING IN RIF =============== WORKS IN PROGRESS: BORG O'RAMA PART II STAR TREK COMPARATIVE COMMANDER ANALYSIS: Question 4 STAR TREK: DOOR REPAIR GUY: 5. Stuff RESISTANCE: A TNG Serial: Chapter 17 A Plot is Hatched Chapter 18 The Borg Return ============== THE FINE PRINT ============== TRYING TO LOCATE A COPY OF RIF???? WORLD WIDE WEB/FTP: http://www.tamnet.interbusiness.it/ htmlpages/adds/borgpage/shopslow.htm; http://www.marshall.edu/ ~swann1/cborg2.html; ftp://fvkma.tu-graz.ac.at/pub/star-trek/rif INTERNET EMAIL: Request free subscription: ktaborn@bak2. lightspeed.net. LOCAL BBS: There are various BBS distribution centers (when you call, tell them you heard about their BBS from RIF!): RESISTANCE IS FUTILE, Bakersfield, CA (805) 588-9349; micro bbs, Passaic, NJ (201-471-6887); AMITREK BBS: Kissimmee, FL (407) 348-3365; WARPCORE: Long Island, NY (516) 243-1698; U.S.S. 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