Whoosh! Being in lahv, Lena ignores the 'kick me' sign on Bianca's back
Lena agrees to keep the
secret of Bianca's pregnancy.

Lena Kundera

November 26, 2003

(Lena appearance)
Last update: 11/29/03

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Lena Kundera (Olga Sosnovska)
Bianca Montgomery
Erica Kane
Kendall Hart
Jackson Montgomery
Maggie Stone


Erica encourages Bianca to invite Lena over to Jack's Pine Valley Inn Thanksgiving dinner; Bianca can't stand lying to Lena any longer and comes clean to Lena about not having an abortion; Bianca tells Lena about the intricate fabrication of making it seem like endall is pregannt and Lena agrees to support Bianca in any harebrained scheme she is involved in.


From The Official Site at ABC.com:

Bianca confesses the truth about the baby to a sympathetic Lena...Bianca takes Lena to Jack's Thanksgiving dinner.

From About All My Children

Lena comes up, and Erica suggests Bianca invite Lena to spend Thanksgiving with them. She kisses Bianca, and leaves with David. Lena notes Erica seemed upset, and asks if something happened? “Kendall,” Bianca agrees. Asked what she’s doing here, Lena explains she was going to be here for Kendall as Bianca asked, but the traffic was impossible. She asks what she missed, and Bianca says she missed WWIII. Kendall’s pregnancy test was positive, and it pushed her mother over the edge, and all this is her fault. When Lena tells her not to blame herself for Kendall’s choices, Bianca says she doesn’t understand; she started all of this because she lied to her mother, her friends and family, “And I lied to you.” She’s told so many lies she can’t keep track of them, but she wants to tell her everything. Lena assures her she can tell her anything. Bianca confides that Kendall’s not pregnant, “I am.” Confused, Lena says she thought she just said Kendall was pregnant. Bianca tells her, “They used my blood to pass the test.” ...

Lena doesn’t know what to say. Bianca tells her she knew from that first day in the clinic that she wanted to have this baby, and that she would have to lie, but had no idea she would expose Kendall to so much hate, and now she has to pretend she hates her, too, “This amazing woman who loves me and my baby so much that she would sacrifice everything for us.” Lena understands she couldn’t tell anyone the truth or her child will be marked as a product of rape. Bianca can’t let that happen, saying she has to protect this child, no matter what! Lena holds her as she promises, “I’m with you.” ...

Jack tells Reggie he will sit and eat and be thankful no matter who else is sitting at the table—Bianca needs her family! As Reggie agrees, Bianca comes in with Lena and tells her uncle she hopes he doesn’t mind that she brought a guest. Jack says no, ‘the more the merrier’ seems to be the theme of the day. Maggie asks if Bianca’s okay? Bianca smiles that she’s better, and Maggie says that’s great, but it lacks a certain enthusiasm. Erica hugs Bianca and says she’s glad Lena came. Jack asks everyone to have a seat, as he’d like to propose a toast. Greenlee comes in and tells him not so fast! Jack hugs her and thanks her for coming, and for realizing that no matter what their differences are, family is important. She says those are her thoughts exactly, that’s why she wanted to share the love with another relative, “Mom?” Mary comes in and wishes a happy Thanksgiving to all. As Greenlee shows her mother to a chair, Kendall breezes in and wishes them all a happy Thanksgiving, “I hope you saved me plenty since now I’m eating for two!” She takes a seat next to Bianca and asks, “Shall I say grace?”

From Soap Slut

Gasp! Bianca and Lena actually get alone time! Lena shows up too late to be supportive of her boss Kendall (I like that she keeps her loyalties to Kendall and doesn’t kowtow to the pack mentality). Bianca laments to Lena about how Erica and Kendall’s latest war is all because of her. She confides to Lena the whole sordid mishegoss that is Operation *ssfetus...

Bianca arrives at the K/M dinner with Lena as her guest. Maggie looks none too happy and she swallows a big hunk of phlegm over it. Ha ha.


This all gay recap is by C.K..
Read all the All Gay Re-caps at http://groups.yahoo.com/group/TheAllGayRecap/.

Lena parts are indicated in red for those who only want a Lena fix


  • Boyd is the new Lena.
  • Myrtle has no use for corks.
  • Erica's out of season.
  • Jack wishes Lifetime had a hotline.
  • Mary wants meat, not money.
  • Lena's on my s*** list.
  • Maggie's a heterosexual killer.
  • I grieve.
  • NOTE: ABC will not air All My Children on Thursday, November 27, 2003 and on Friday, November 28, 2003: while I could snark without the show, I won’t. On the other hand, I’ll be cooking my very first turkey tomorrow, which means I’ll snark on myself and on the Chinese food my girlfriend and my friends will certainly have to order. All the snark will be, as always, at my AllGayRecap group. Happy Thanksgiving to all those who celebrate it!

The Set-Up – At the hospital, Erica says that Kendall is not pregnant. She knows because she’s not a doctor and doesn’t play one on TV.

At the PVI Dining Room, my girlfriend Myrtle and her beard Boyd are the first to arrive.

At the Martins’, Colby is just the latest in a long string of annoying kids.

At Adam’s, Babe twirls in place and all the silverware flies out.

Adam’s Den Of Iniquity – Just as Babe is about to lie to Jamie about her pregnancy, Mary inadvertently busts Adam and ruins his super secret listening post behind the door. 

Babe walks out and calls the hot line to expose Adam and Erica’s involvement in the Cambias murder, but she dials 1-800-BUTTERBALL instead.

The Hospital – Erica’s still disputing the results of the pregnancy test just so that she can fill the weekly hair flips quota; Ryan wonders whether they’ve "been played."

Ryan: "(to Maria) Just tell me everything that happened during the test."

You’re a waste of good oxygen, FrankenBrow: you were there, remember?  Five minutes ago?  Maria was the one with the white coat and the syringe?

Outside, Erica continues to excoriate Kendall while David holds Bianca back – as if there were any chance she’d just drop the pretense and come clean.

Erica: "Enjoy your victory, Kendall, but know that you do not exist for me, or for Bianca or for anyone with a soul."
Bianca: "Mom, please don’t attack her: you don’t understand."

What, you know something, Bianca? Anything you want to share with the rest of the class?

Bianca: "You don’t understand because you don’t know."

Bianca, really: stomp a little less and grow some balls. Everyone else, stop trying to grow extra eyes to try and stop Binky from telling the truth: she is that stupid and she won’t get it.

Lena, in a very sexy sweater, arrives; Erica gives Bianca permission to invite her for Thanksgiving dinner and Lena, who can read anyone except for Bianca, notices that Erica seems upset. She explains she’s at the hospital because she had "promised to stand by" Kendall but didn’t make it on time because traffic was a b****.

What, you didn’t factor in Pine Valley’s rush hour traffic? You don’t deserve Bianca! You’re fired! [/channeling BAM]

Bianca: "I’m in the middle of it all right because it’s all my fault."
Lena: "Hey, don’t blame yourself for Kendall’s choices."

Lena, stop interrupting: Bianca’s about to tell you that she’s the biggest tool that ever tooled and I’d like to hear it without your schmoopy commentary.

Police Station – TarzanLite, armed with Babe’s information, decides he has enough Not!Evidence to go question Adam.

Day Player Detective: "Now? We don’t have any facts."
Justin: "Don’t worry about that: we’ll get them from the source."

Jack’s groomed you so well I could cry. Sniff.

The Martins’ Turkey – Babe looks Jamie in the eyes and tells him BabyBoob is J.R.’s and no one else’s.

Jamie: "Remember when you told me a good liar looks you straight in the eyes?"
Tad: "Yeah."
Jamie: "Just now, Babe was eyeball to eyeball with me and she swore the baby was J.R.’s."

Well then, it must be true! Man, I hope my girlfriend didn’t watch today’s show ‘cause I always look her in the eyes when I tell her I love her and her new hair cut!

The Hospital – Bianca wants to tell Lena "everything" and confess all of her lies, but she lost her file, so she only reveals one thing: she’s the pregnant Kane-Montgomery-Heart-Cambias, not Kendall.

Lena: "But, I thought you said her pregnancy test was positive."

Oh. My. God. That’s it? That’s your reaction to almost 5 months of lies? Lena, you suck. You’re the most annoying perfect ex-girlfriend who has ever perfected the art of schmoop. So what if Bianca looks broken hearted during the confession: I don’t care! So did Oliver North! Oh, wait, he didn’t confess. Well, I don’t care and I refuse to be moved by a twit’s last-ditch effort at keeping her girlfriend. Pfft.

Pine Cone – Aidan doesn’t want to know how Kendall and David fooled Dr. Maria and the lab tech and doesn’t want to know whose blood was tested because, d*** it, if ignorance is good enough for the three monkeys, then it’s good enough for him!

Kendall just wants to know if they can get together and be "in love" because they have the "means" and "there’s motive;" alas, Aidan feels they don’t have "the opportunity" because the blackboard’s filled out already.

The Kaidan man-breast caress almost makes me faint with happiness, but the kiss makes me squeal like a straight girl. Too bad that it’s the kiss of death. B*******, they can’t give me one couple I like? Myrtle, hold me.

On her way out, Kendall runs into Mia’s earrings.

PVI Dining Room – The memo that it’s winter hasn’t reached Erica and she shows up in a backless bling bling orange top. Well, at least she matches the pumpkin.

In the most honest testament to heterosexuality she could possibly make, Maggie arrives with her dickey.




AUDIO: dk     KEY


also dick·ie dick·y


Inflected forms: pl. dick·eys also dick·ies
1A. A woman's blouse front worn under a suit jacket or low-necked garment. B. A man's detachable shirt front. C. A collar for a shirt. D. A child's bib or pinafore.
2. A donkey.
3. A small bird.
4A. The driver's seat on a carriage. B. A rear seat for servants on a carriage.


From diminutive of Dick, nickname for Richard.

Maybe Maggie knitted that thing for VolderGrapefruit and decided to wear it first because it goes so well with her boots and the skirt she made out of David’s pancaked cows. Or, maybe she killed a leprechaun: either one.

The Hospital – Bianca pleads with Lena to say something, even if it’s to say that she’s "crazy" and "horrible."

Lena: "No, you’re none of those things."

What? Yes, yes she is! If you’re going to interrupt her, then you should at least say what I want you to!

Lena understands that Bianca doesn’t want to reveal she’s pregnant because she doesn’t want to put a child of rape tag on her baby.

That’s something I can understand, too, but if she really wants people to leave her kid alone, Bianca could just say "I’m keeping the baby because I won’t let a bastard compromise my principles and, if you don’t like it, you can just piss off."

Continuing under the banner of Bianca can do no wrong and I’ll support her and her moronic decisions no matter what because I might get a duck out of it, Lena says she’s with Bianca and pulls her in for a hug that, for a second, looks an awful lot like it really wants to be a kiss.

I just know we’re going to get three solid weeks of Baggie because of this.

The Last Scenes – At the Martins’, TarzanLite makes a play for Adam.

At the PVI Dining Room, Greenlee understands that Thanksgiving is about sharing the misery and shows up with her mother. Kendall understands that, too, and offers to say grace. Bianca and Lena are greeted by Maggie’s grimace.

Maggie, I don’t give a s*** if you’re gay, straight, bi or Biancasexual, but if you want her, say something or move the f*** out of the way and plaster on a smile like the rest of us have to do for our families and pretend to be grateful! And Lena? What the h*** are you wearing, a wife beater under a silk shirt? The fuh? I get that, if you have to compete with Maggie, you have to stoop to her level to give her a fighting chance, but this is going too far!

I'm in mourning. 

NEXT WEEK ON ALL MY CHILDREN: Jack puts on a brave face; Erica doesn’t want to hold Mary’s hand; Ryan wants Kendall and her fake baby to pass a DNA test; Opal can’t keep her mouth shut.


This parody is by LizzieT.

Everyone was shocked - or at least Erica was- over at the hospital.
Kendall: I told you I was pregnant. Now you know the truth.
Ryan: I still think there's something fishy going on.
Maria: You mean besides the fact that this is the first Thanksgiving since I got my memory back and I'm spending it in someone else's storyline?
Erica: I only have one thing to say to you Kendall.
Baby: If this is going to be the 99th scene where Grandma reams out Auntie Kendall while she looks heartbroken and mom just stands there with her chin quivering and doesn't tell the truth, can't we skip it and head for the pumpkin pie?
David: Let's not do this here. Erica, let me take you home. I have a strange craving for pumpkin pie all of a sudden.
Baby: Whoa, am I good or what?
Lena: Hello everyone.
Erica: Lena, how nice to see you. Why don't you join us for Thanksgiving dinner?
Lena: She really does have a brain tumor doesn't she? Is that why you're all at the hospital?
Bianca: No. We were here for Kendall's pregnancy test.
Lena: You Americans have such strange customs. In Europe we usually take those tests in the privacy of our own bathrooms.
Bianca: Kendall's test was positive. But she's not really pregnant. I am. I didn't have an abortion after all.
Baby: Now we're getting somewhere. Lena's smart. She's bound to tell Mom that this whole plot is a stupid idea and that she should just be brave and tell the truth.
Lena: And of course you and Kendall came up with this brilliant scheme to keep anyone from finding out the truth. Well done.
Baby: Whaaat!
Bianca: Do you really think so?
Lena: No, but the writers think if the smarter characters say it's a good idea then the audience will begin to believe it.
Baby: Newsflash. It's not working.

Half of Pine Valley gathered at the Martins.
Petey: I don't get it. Jamie, JR, and I used to all be about the same age. Now JR's married, Jamie's boinking his wife and I'm still 10. What gives?
Palmer: I don't know. Maybe you're really Erica's child instead of mine.
Tad: Jamie, I asked you to forget about Babe and her baby. Can't we get through Thanksgiving dinner without worrying about a who's the daddy drama?
Jamie: Come on Dad. Remember just a few Thanksgiving's ago when you spent the whole episode worrying about if you had sex with Leslie Coulson or not? This year it's my turn for a holiday spoiled by guilt.
Joe: Last year the Martins and the Chandlers weren't anywhere in sight on Thanksgiving so I'm thankful that we're at least getting a holiday dinner this year. Anyone else?
Liza: I'm thankful that I didn't push my sister out of the window right before the holidays this year.
JR: I'm thankful to be back home with my family - especially my brother Jamie who's shared so much with me over the years.
Jamie: :::clunk::::
Babe: I'm thankful that Soapnet is carrying reruns of Dynasty which I get to plug shamelessly.
Justin: Sorry to intrude but the law doesn't take holidays....oh man, is that turkey? I want the drumstick. Can I have it? Huh? Huh?
Officer: Justin!
Justin: Oh, all right. We're here to question Adam Chandler about the Michael Cambias case.
Adam: Fine. Let's go.
Ruth: Don't you mind missing Thanksgiving dinner?
Adam: With Babe and JR making out during the Thanksgiving prayer? Jail might be a welcome relief.

Another group gathered at the Valley Inn.
Jack: Myrtle! Glad you could make it. Who's your guest?
Boyd: It's me, Boyd. Don't you recognize me?
Jack: Sorry. When you only see someone once every couple of months it's hard to keep track.
Myrtle: Where's everyone else?
Jack: Who knows? Maybe they got confused with the pre-emption schedule and everything.
Reggie: I'm here. I wouldn't miss Thanksgiving for the world.
Erica: I'm here. And I brought a date, David Hayward.
Reggie: You can't do that. It's like Mrs. Brady showing up at Thanksgiving with Sam the butcher. It just isn't right.
Maggie: I'm here. It took me longer than I thought to get ready. I had to cut up the carpet to make this thing I'm wearing over my shirt.
Bianca: I'm here. I brought Lena. I hope it's OK.
Jack: Of course. I like your date much better than I like your mother's.
Maggie: Hello.....Lena.
Baby: Oooooo. Someone looks a little jealous. Do I sense a triangle?
Kendall: I'm here. I'm sure my invitation just got lost in the mail. So when do we eat?
Baby: You'd better eat the whole turkey if you plan on pulling off this pregnancy thing. How much do you weigh anyway?
Greenlee: I'm here. And I brought my mother.
Mary: Hello everyone. I hope you don't mind.
David: Not at all. I'm glad you're here. Suddenly I'm not the most unpopular person at the table.
Baby: Ahhhh. The whole dysfunctional family gathered around the table. And everyone with a knife at their place setting. It's enough to bring tears to your eyes isn't it? I wonder who's going to throw the first drumstick? Oh well, Happy Thanksgiving everybody.


Bianca: No, Lena, you don't understand. I started this, all of it, because I lied. I lied to my mother, I lied to my friends and family, and I lied to you.

Erica: I'm glad you came, Lena. You look beautiful.

Kendall: Well, happy thanksgiving, everyone. I hope you saved me plenty now that i'm eating for two.


Unverified in non-clip parts

***** (clip a) [Bianca tells Lena that she lied to her]

[amc031126a starts]
David: Let me take the two of you home, ok?
Erica: Yes, yes, please.
David: Come on.
Lena: Happy Thanksgiving, everyone.
Erica: Oh. Lena, Happy Thanksgiving. Bianca, why don't you invite Lena to spend thanksgiving with us, if you like? Ok.
Lena: Erica seems upset. Did something happen?
Bianca: Kendall. So what are you doing here?
Lena: Well, I promised to stand by your sister, remember? I would have been here earlier, but the traffic was impossible. So what did I miss?
Bianca: You missed world war III. Kendall's pregnancy test was positive. Kendall had already pushed mom right to the edge, and this put her right over.
Lena: And you love them both so much. To be caught in the middle of it, I can't even imagine what it's like.
Bianca: Well, I'm in the middle of it, all right, because it's all my fault.
Lena: Hey, don't blame yourself for Kendall's choices.
Bianca: No, Lena, you don't understand. I started this, all of it, because I lied. I lied to my mother, I lied to my friends and family, and I lied to you.

***** (clip b) [Bianca tells Lena that she's still pregnant]

[amc031126b starts]
Bianca: I have told so many lies that I can't even keep track of them anymore. I don't know what I've said to who. But I really -- I want to be honest with you now, Lena. I want to tell you everything. Unless -- unless you don't want to hear.
Lena: No, no. You can tell me anything.
Bianca: Kendall's not pregnant. I am.
Lena: But I thought you said her pregnancy test was positive.
Bianca: I know. They used my blood to pass the test.

***** (clip c) [Lena joins the Michael's spawn conspiracy]

[amc031126c starts]
Bianca: Please say something.
Lena: I don't know what to say.
Bianca: That I'm crazy? That I'm horrible? That I --
Lena: No! You're none of those things.
Bianca: I'm not so sure. I knew from that first day in the clinic that I wanted to have this baby. And I knew I would have to lie. But I guess I just had no idea that I would have to expose Kendall to so much hate. And now I have to pretend that I hate her, too. This amazing woman who loves me and my baby more than anything? So much that she would sacrifice everything for us. And the way mom was going after her and the look on Kendall's face, I just wanted to run up and shake mom, I wanted to scream out the truth, but if I did that --
Lena: If you do, your child will be marked as the product of rape.
Bianca: I can't let that happen. I have to protect this child no matter what.
Lena: Bianca, I'm with you, ok? I'm with you.

***** (clip d) [Bianca and Lena arrive at the Pine Valley Inn for Jack's for Thanksgiving dinner]

[amc031126d-inc1 starts]
Jack: That's what I'm saying.
Bianca: Ah --
jack: Oh!
Bianca: Uncle jack.
Jack: Hey.
Bianca: Happy thanksgiving.
Jack: Happy thanksgiving to you, sweetheart.
Bianca: I hope you don't mind. I brought a guest.
Jack: No, no. "The more the merrier" seems to be the theme today. Let me see what I can do about getting a place set up.
Maggie: You ok?
Bianca: Better.
Maggie: Great.
Erica: Hi!
Bianca: Hi!
Erica: Oh, I'm so glad you're here.
Bianca: Me, too.
Erica: I'm glad you came, Lena. You look beautiful.
Jack: Folks, listen, why don't we all have a seat. I'd like to propose a toast, if I could, please.
Greenlee: Not so fast! Reggie promised we could share the wishbone.
[amc031126d-inc1 ends]
Jack: Hi, sweetheart! Thanks for coming.
Greenlee: Hi.
Jack: And thanks for realizing that no matter what our differences are family is what's important.
Greenlee: My thoughts exactly. That's why i wanted to share the love with another relative. Mom?
Mary: Happy thanksgiving, all.
Myrtle: Hello.
Mary: Thank you for inviting me, jack.
Greenlee: You can sit here, mom.
Kendall: Well, happy thanksgiving, everyone. I hope you saved me plenty now that i'm eating for two.
Ah. Well, shall I say grace?


I have the following clips (incompletes are marked "inc"):
amc031126a.mpg (14.1m; 1:22) Bianca tells Lena that she lied to her
amc031126b.mpg (6.7m; 0:39) Bianca tells Lena that she's still pregnant
amc031126c.mpg (13.6m; 1:20) Lena joins the Michael's spawn conspiracy
amc031126d-inc1.mpg (5.6m; 0:33) Bianca and Lena arrive at the Pine Valley Inn for Jack's for Thanksgiving dinner

I am eliciting volunteers to host the clips throughout the web. If you have 5-100megs of space you can lend to this project, please let me know!

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