SYNOPSIS:
Synopsis by Liz Sheppard
Salmoneus is organizing an artist fair and wants Hercules to pose for
them. Herc's not too into it at first, but Sal convinces him with charity
for orphaned children. Sal eventually gets Herc to pose nude. Atalanta shows
up fully dressed with a guy named Kirteas. She's trying to change her
looks so men would see her as more than one of the guys. Kirteas gets
picked on by some dirty people. A bunch of dirty people come out and a
fight scene breaks out. Atalanta gets her dress ripped and her skimpy outfit
reappears, then she starts kicking booty. Kirteas gets scared of her
muscles and runs away.
Herc poses for the artists wearing nothing but...grapes. Atlanta decides
to make her own hunk o' man and he ends up looking like Herc. She likes her
newly made Herc because he can't hurt her or make her cry. Dirty people
come by and decide to kill Atlanta. The statue of Hephaestus brings the
statue of Herc to life and the dirty people run away. Atalanta notices he's
not the smartest thing on two legs (eats hay and plays with eggs) but she
leaves to deal with something. Discord shows up and opens the door so he
can leave.
Herc (the real one), Sal, and a little girl try to choose a winner for the
art fair, but they are all kind of ugly. Both Hercs do some good deeds, at
least the Metal Head tries to do good. Metal Head Herc comes by and thinks
all the art pieces are nice, but Discord changes his mind. he then destroys
all the art pieces.
The two Hercs bump into each other. Atalanta comes by and explains the
situation. She takes Metal Head home. Sal notices the two Hercs and freaks
out.
Atalanta and Metal Head (with some help from Discord) have a romantic
dinner. Even with Discord's coaching, Metal Head ruins it and Atalanta
sends him to the barn. While in the barn, Discord gets Metal Head to leave
and beat up some dirty people. He breaks the neck of one of them. He then
gets mad because Atalanta is treating him like a child. The real Herc shows
up and Discord throws a rake at him then leaves.
Metal Head tries to kill Sal but Herc saves him. A mob comes by ready to
kill Metal Head, but he takes Atalanta and goes back to the barn. Discord
nukes the statue of Hephaestus and Herc comes by to fight Metal Head. Herc
kicks Metal Head onto the fire. Discord makes the ceiling collapse on
Atalanta then leaves. Metal Head does this T-1000 thing and helps Herc and
Atalanta escape.
Sal gives Atalanta a new dress but she doesn't want it. the little girl
comes by and gives Herc the winning art piece she painted herself.
COMMENTARY:
Synopsis by KSZoneW
IF I HAD A HAMMER was a good mixture of comedy and inner self problems.
Atalanta was the one who felt out of place in this episode and thus created a lot of trouble between Hercules
and her creation of Hercules. It was good to see Salmoneus again since there has been no new Salmoneus
episode in season 4 untill now. Unlike the other Atalanta episodes which were darker episodes, this one was
not really dark but was not light or comical either. Kevin Sorbo posing naked for all his female fans, Atalanta,
Salmoneus, and a good storyline made a great episode. I felt like I was watching a first season episode of
Hercules which means I really liked this episode, except for the grapes and naked Hercules, which being a
male fan I hated! It made me laugh though. I liked all the season 3 eps and most of season 2 but season 1
was my favorite and season 4 is coming in as my favorite season now because of some great episodes with
Stranger, Web of Desire, Prodigal Sister, Medea Culpa, Armageddon, and Heros Heart. Hammer was
another good one.
Atalanta's inner problem was that she felt her muscles and muscular
appearance made men want to look the other way and the only man who really loved her for who she was,
Hercules, was not in love with her because of his oath to Deianeira and I guess his moarning over losing
Serena in 2 endings. [Judgement Day and The End of the Begining tell those stories] Atalanta decided to
solve her problems by creating what she thought was going to be the "Perfect Man". But as she found out,
Hephestus decided to reward Atalanta for her hard work and worship to him. He made her metal man live
and thus we see Evil Hercules or as Zwolf would say, Jerkules. Evil Herc was a man with a child's mind and
did not think right because he had no mind. Discord decided to skip searching for Dahak cults and half
mortal babys of Ares by destroying Hercules, and she would use the Evil Herc to do so by first making
Hercules a bad person and than having the real and good one killed. Atalanta wanted her perfect man but
instead got the perfect trouble maker that was out to hurt her man Hercules. Discord proved to be a little
witch by doing everything to water Evil Hercs mind with hate and sexual talk, which Atalanta would have not
taught him. Its kind of unusual that they should air a cloning episode during the big cloning controversy.
Perhaps the muscular Atalanta learned from her mistakes by finally accepting herself for being a tomboy and
that she would still have Hercules as her friend and maybe even Salmoneus as her boyfriend or puppylove,
as that old guy was to Gabrielle in "Lost Mariner" last season during XWP.
Salmoneus was at his best with his art school. The artists where stereotyped
and funny. Xerox was was his name says. He copies other people paintings. We saw a Mona Hercules
painting and a statue of Herc that not even Proteus could create. Salmoneus needs more airtime because
he's funny and can create a good B story line to go along with the main one. He also can be emotional and
perfect for darker episodes and medium episodes. Discord may not be played by the best actress but is a
girl that you gotta just hate. She dresses sexy and talks sexy but ain't no sexy girl. She looks like a teenage
dx goddess who belongs with Agathon and Strife [Trio of Terror would be cool!!!]. Like I said, that would
make a awesome threesome. Discord probally would not be able to steal the gods metal because of her
hate against Atalanta, who is a good subject of the god of weapons and fire.
Highlights:
The acting jobs by Trebor, Sorbo, and Everson.
Salmoenus and his latest art scheme.
The various artists and their portraits of Hercules.
The fight between the two Hercules.
Kevin Sorbo did a great job acting like a kid when playing Jerkules aka Evil Hercules.
Evil Herc kicking around a bucket like a soccer ball
Things to look out for:
The old HTLJ romance music is used when Atalanta is going hormonic over the
metal Herc statue.
The town sceen used in this episode was seen in "Protean Challenge" which
also was about an artist, one who stole and almost lost his hands.
Corey Everson and Kevin Sorbo work well together. Robert Trebor and Kevin
Sorbo did a great job telling Atalanta that she looked good during the first 10 minutes of the episode.
The ending was compared to the Terminator movies.
This was a nice all around episode. It was worth waiting 8 new episodes and 7
weeks of reruns to see. Next weeks "Hercules on Trial" promises to be a good reunion episode with lots of
your favorites and maybe some of your lesser favorites and than its Medea Culpa where we see Jason and
Herc's first fight together, against a giant monster. Hammer gets 5 out of 5 stars cause it was just too good.
Much better than XWP's "Warrior Priestess Tramp" which was paired with Hammer in its firstrun showing.
Its for anybody but us guys may not enjoy Kevin Sorbo with just grapes around his privates. It might give you
a good laugh but dont let your girlfriends of wives watch it cause they will faint probably.
TALES OF THE HERCAVERSE
02-01-98. During the evening hours of Burbank II Con (01-18-97), the first
release IF I HAD A HAMMER (HTLJ) and WARRIOR...PRIESTESS...TRAMP (XWP) played on a big
screen while Danielle Cormack, Robert Trebor, and hudson Leick signed autographs.
02-01-98. At the Burbank II Con (01-17-98), Robert Trebor commented that an
out take from IF I HAD A HAMMER was an exchange between him and Kevin Sorbo about the grapes, and
using a melon instead. When asked how he composed himself when he worked with Cory Everson and
Alexandra Tydings, he said, "I am a professional actor."
01-04-98. Heard during the Universal Chats with Robert Bielak (08-05-97)
and Kevin Sorbo (08-28-97) that this episode sees Atalanta
build the perfect man, who looks like Hercules. Heard
elsewhere that Hera wants the man to destroy Hercules.
This episode will probally air as the first of the next
few new episodes. It was filmed in June 1997 and is the
first 4th season HTLJ episode to feature Salmoneus, inless
Men in Pink airs first.
11-16-97. This was filmed either in the
early summer of 1997 or earlier! Was the only Salmoneus episode
of the 4th season until Kevin Sorbo's medical needs required
Salmoneus' help over the second session of filming for the 1997-
98 season.
TRANSCRIPT
Click here to read a transcript of IF I HAD A HAMMER.
DISCLAIMER
Hercules proved once again that the true measure of a man is not
the size of his grapes, but the size of his heart.
