Online Edition



Season 1, episode 13
Season 113
1st release (U.S.): 04/04/04
Production number: 113
Last update: 02/28/05

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SYNOPSIS/ANALYSIS by Marissa Robillard-Meli

Jennifer Beals - Bette Porter
Erin Daniels - Dana Fairbanks
Pam Grier - Kit Porter
Leisha Hailey - Alice Pieszecki
Laurel Holloman - Tina Kennard
Mia Kirshner - Jenny Schecter
Karina Lombard - Marina Ferrer
Eric Mabius - Tim Haspel
Katherine Moennig - Shane McCutcheon

Brenda Campbell (Policewoman)
Kelly Lynch (Ivan)
Anne Elizabeth Ramsay (Robin)
Ion Overman (Candace Jewel)
Carmen Aguirre .... Isabella Pernao
Winston Brown .... Tim's Friend
Nicola Cavendish .... Prison Matron
Preston Cook .... James
Claude Duhamel .... Tim's Friend
Biski Gugushe .... Protester
Leslie Hopps .... Marilyn
Tristin Leffler .... Policewoman
Scott Logie .... Graham
Meredith McGeachie .... Tonya
Samantha McLeod .... Clea Jaffe
John Murphy .... Protester
Luvia Petersen .... Cowboy
Tygh Runyan .... Gene Feinberg
Zak Santiago .... Oscar
Veena Sood .... Reporter
Marco Soriano .... Gallery Curator
Michael Tomlinson .... Franklin

Writer: Ilene Chaiken
Director: Lynne Stopkewich

Showtime, Sunday, 10pm


A near riot at the CAC lands Bette in Jail; Shane's relationships grow ever more complex; Kit meets Ivan, (a drag king); Tim & Jenny discuss divorce.


This synopsis is by Marissa Robillard-Meli.

This time, we open off the coast of Florida in 1999. The date and location are completely unimportant because all we are about to witness is dolphins playing and having sex, set to a cool jazz song. If you are not entirely confused to the point of passing out yet, please prepare yourself: this is the weirdest d*** episode you will ever, ever see.

Shane is sitting down and chatting with Clea. She informs Clea that she has had sex with anywhere from 950 to 1200 people. And that's exactly where I stop wanting to have sex with Shane. She also tells Clea about turning tricks, which Clea of course thinks is cool because she lives in the lap of luxury and fishnets. Shane breaks it to her once more that she can't be with her because she's with someone else whom she's in love with.

Kit shows up at The Planet to set up her microphone. Marina is upset about Francesca, but says she hopes she won't be back. Kit tells her that she deserves to be happy, and slips her my phone number. Marina says that if Francesca does leave her, she'll take The Planet away from her-remember, Francesca wears the manpants in this relationship-and Marina can't possibly come up with the money to save it.

Tim tells Jenny that he's cooling it with Trish. He's switching departments at the college, so he can start things up with Trish again if he wants to (he didn't necessarily switch departments for this reason). Jenny tells him in all seriousness that she is writing a story about a woman who was born with the ability to speak the language of manatees. I am writing a story about hitting Jenny in the head with a club.

At The Planet it's drag king night, with Kit serving as emcee. The last performer of the night is a king named Ivan. He has one dangling cross earring and a pompadour. If I were to go in drag, I do not think that I would model myself after George Michael in the 90's, but to each his own. Robin, the trapeze artist from Palm Springs, is there watching. Ivan pulls Kit up on stage and they dance a little while Marina eyes up Robin. Marina walks up to Robin and tells her she's heard a lot about her. Alice and Shane are watching from another table, and talk about how wrong it is for Marina to move in on Jenny's woman. Ivan flirts with Kit and he kisses her hand. As it turns out, they are both recovering alcoholics, and Ivan says that she can call him anytime if she needs anyone to talk to…"or for any other reason."

Bette is playing wifey and lounging in a bathrobe, while Tina is all dressed up to do some work with Oscar. For once, Tina says she is too busy to pick up Bette's powersuit from the dry cleaner's. The tables have interestingly turned.

Dana is giving Tanya very detailed instructions on how to care for Mr. P. while she is gone. Tanya is in no way amused at having to take care of a cat and kicks him off of the bed as soon as Dana leaves.

Bette is on the phone (SURPRISE!) when James tells her to come outside to see what's going on. There are a ton of loud, picketing protestors with more arriving. Bette is pissed, which is not good for anyone involved. The cops, the news crews, and Candace arrive on the scene all at once. Candace gives one of the picketers a pantful of bad attitude as she goes inside. Candace and Bette discuss the blueprints together…and their hands meet. And they leave them touching. The sexual tension has been drawn tighter than Tanya's curls until Bette lets Candace know that nothing can happen between them ever again. Candace doesn't reply and just goes on about the blueprints because everyone knows that Bette is totally full of s***. Candace suggests linking arms (she used to do it to defend abortion clinics) to allow access to the building and Bette starts rounding up bodies.

Marina is having a drink with Robin and asks her out to dinner, which she cannot go to because she is having dinner with Jenny. Marina says she's going to give her an Anne Carson book, an author whom she used to gush over with Jenny. Francesca hurts Marina so Marina has to hurt the ones she loves.

Bette is outside linking arms and a newswoman mentions Faye's daughter's appearance in a porn, so I am relieved to know that the news got out somehow. Alice, Shane and Dana have showed up to link arms, too. Bette tells a protestor to back off, and chivalrous Candace pushes him and the whole thing escalates into a bona fide riot. Kit shows up and tries to jump in, but Ivan (now dressed as a woman; Kit didn't recognize him at first) holds her back. All of the girls end up being arrested. In the paddywagon, Bette and Candace sit down next to each other and it looks like they're going to kiss in front of everyone. Alice whistles and says "hey, good-lookin'" at one of the female right-wing, Christian protestors and givers her a sexy little growl. This makes me laugh my pants off until Bette gets her sunglasses taken away at the police station, which puts me in a more somber, grieving mood.

The girls make phone calls from prison, and they are hauled away to their cells. They are being held separately because they are "high risk" as the guard says. Bette and Candace get a cell to themselves, which I would say is a HIGHER risk! Yow! All I have to say is I hope that these two women have seen Pam Grier in Black Mama, White Mama. Bette says she can't sit next to Candace on the cot, even after Candace generously offers to draw an invisible line down the middle of it. Bette complains to Candace about how much trouble she is, and Candace counters by suggesting they play an alphabet game. What the hell?

Meanwhile, our confusion spins absolutely out of control as we see Jenny at the aquarium, wishing she were a manatee. I did not make that up. She is going on about manatees but is watching a tank of baby belugas, which would make me horribly confused if it were anyone else but Jenny. One is white and one is brown. Obviously, someone did not listen to enough Raffi as a child. A man sits down next to her to tell her about the mating ritual of the manatee. Again, they are in front of a tank of belugas. He works there as the Assistant Curator of Fish and Aquarium Dive Coordinator. But cannot tell manatees and belugas apart. He points out that Jenny is Jewish (he can tell from her appearance, apparently-and do not even get me started on that one) and asks her out to dinner so he can tell her all he knows about manatees, which is that they are interchangeable with every other large creature that dwells in the water.

Marina gives Robin her book and attempts to seduce her by showing her she knows what the word "Eros" means. It is unsuccessful.

Kit is waiting at the jailhouse, and Ivan leaves to "hustle up some bail bonds" and buy Kit some Reese's Cups. Are you confused yet? Franklin comes to post bail for Bette, who is still playing the alphabet game with Candace. They are now sitting on the cot together. The invisible line has been inexplicably crossed and their hands are touching. So Bette suggests that they do math. The Pythagorean Theorem is thrown around as foreplay until the girls are interrupted by Bette yelling at a guard. Seriously, if you are not confused by now you are not paying attention.

Bette gets up from the cot and moves to the other side of the jail cell, beginning the greatest scene ever captured on film. Ever. Candace lays down and Bette is up against the wall. "What are you doing now?" Bette asks Candace, too lazy to turn around and look for herself, as she is about five feet away. "I just laid down," Candace answers. There is a pause for some heavy breathing. "I'm lying on top of you," Bette whispers. "You know what I'm doing now?" "I think so," Candace tells her. I am not one to mince words, so here it goes: this is the point where both of them start masturbating. In a jail cell. Where many, many, murderous prison eyes can see them. "God, this is f***ing insane. What are you doing to me?" Candace gasps. More pause for heavy breathing and musical interlude. "I'm f***ing you," Bette replies. "Come over here," commands Candace. "I am there. You know I am." Bette has an apparently delightful orgasm up against the jail cell wall. So they don't actually have physical sex. But they have thinking sex. And there is vagina touching. In prison. And that is enough for me to be super, super mad at Bette, who was already on my s*** list because of the way she treats Tina. I hope you stay in jail and have to play the alphabet game for the rest of your life!

Jenny is on the couch with Robin, having already had dinner, telling her about losing her virginity at age thirteen to a boy with a small penis. Way to go, Jenny, you are totally going to score with this girl-you'll be flying on that trapeze in no time. There is the potential for more crying when Tim and his buddies come home. They try to make plans but Robin has a date on Saturday-possibly with Marina-so they make plans to call each other and then kiss in front of Tim and friends, all of whom (minus Tim) cheer them on.

Gene the manatee guy calls Jenny as soon as Robin leaves. They make a date for Saturday. This is what Jenny says: "I would love to spend an evening with you and several of your manatee friends."

Franklin posts bail as Tina and Oscar show up at jail. Bette tells Candace that she needs a cigarette, but she hasn't smoked since she was twelve. Is this a joke? Is this not a joke? All of the girls make it out of jail, and everyone gets a ride home except for Shane, who opts to wait for Cherie. She leaves a message with Cherie, saying she'll wait until she hears from her (they had plans that day). The camera focuses on the prison clock for a very long time so we make sure to notice that it's 10:30.

Jenny and Tim sit on the porch, and he asks her if it's his fault she likes women. He wonders if he was inadequate. She tells him that he's a good man.

We end with Shane still waiting at the jail. We see the clock again, and it's now 3:05.


Opening teaser: April 1999, off the Florida coast, shows dolphins and white whales swimming underwater over a singing voice-over.

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