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“The Fire Down Below”  Episode 22/209


H:  “Ah, hey.  Hey, Bigfoot.”

Woman’s Voice:  “Get up!”

H:  “Didn’t you hear the promoter?  This is supposed to be an
exhibition.  It’s-- for charity.  You, uh-- you do know what
charity, is, don’t you?”

Man’s Voice:  “Come on, Hercules!”

Bigfoot:  “Feel the pain!”

Men’s Voices:  “Get up, Hercules!”  “Come on!”

H:  “OK-- if that’s the way you’re gonna be.”

Man’s Voice:  “Still the best!”

Bigfoot:  “I like that.”

H:  “Figures.”

Men’s Voices:  “Come on!”  “He’s stunned!  He’s stunned!  What’s
he gonna do?!”  “He did it!  Hercules beat him!”  

H:  “I had a feeling he was soft in the head.”

Promoter:  “Isn’t he great, folks?!  Isn’t he fabulous?!
Hercules!  And he did it all for charity!”

Men’s Voices:  “Sleep it off!”  “You’re the best, Hercules!”


Man’s Voice:  “That pig looks good!”

Woman’s Voice:  “In a few minutes, it’ll be ready!”

H:  “No, no thank you.”

Another Woman:  “Want a little dessert, Hercules?”

H:  “No.”

Man:  “Some meet, Hercules?”

Ayora:  “Maybe you’d rather have what I’ve got.”

H:  “And-- what would that be?”

Ayora:  “Water.”

H:  “Oh [chuckles]-- thank you.”

Ayora:  “Not much for celebrating, are you, Hercules?”

H:  “You know what they say?  ‘Clean body, clean mind.’”

Ayora:  “Nobody ever says that in Orestia.”

H:  “Orestia?  Well, if that’s where you’re from, you didn’t
need to come here for a good time.”

Ayora:  “I was looking for you.  Your friend, Salmoneus, sent
me.  My name is Ayora.”

H:  “You don’t-- look like a distress signal, so he must not be
in trouble.”

Ayora:  “Far from it.  He’s rolling in dinars.  And he wants to
share his good fortune with you-- for all the good deeds you’ve
done on his behalf.”

H:  “Tell Salmoneus I’m, uh-- not interested.  He’ll

Ayora:  “Even if I promise to stay by your side-- 24 hours a

H:  “Ah, look, it’s not that I don’t appreciate the offer, but--

Ayor:  “I know-- ‘Clean body-- clean mind.’”

H:  “Clean conscience.  Just out of curiosity, how did Salmoneus
strike it rich?”

Ayora:  “Oh, no.  You have to come to Orestia or find that out.
Bye, now.”


Salmoneus [Sal]:  “Marvelous-- simply marvelous; same exquisite
craftsmanship; every piece, an original antique-- and all of it
in perfect condition.”

Man’s Voice:  “Be careful with that.”

Purces:  “I think you’re gonna like it even _better_, after it’s

Sal:  “Ya know something?  You’re right.  Foreman!  Hey,
foreman!  We ready to go?  Huh?  The carts are filled.  The
public’s appetite for these artifacts is insatiable.”

Foreman:  “We can move out as soon as you finish talking.”

Sal [Laughs]:  “A little fresh, but industrious.  Let me have
another peek, just to satisfy my aesthetic needs.”

Man’s Voice:  “I’ve got this end.  All right.”

Sal:  “Who thought I’d behold something almost as lovely as the
precious dinar?”

Man’s Voice:  “Look out!  It’s caving in!”

Sal:  “Did you see that?!  What caused it?!”

Men’s Voices:  “Or how it could have happened!”  “Let’s get
these carts moving!”

Foreman:  “We framed the entrance with double support beams.”

Purces:  “Let’s get out of here.”

Sal:  “Maybe the gods are trying to tell me something.  No--
they’ve always been good to me.  I’m their boy!  Let’s move it!”
[Laughs, the whistles]



Man [Moaning]:  “Help me!”

H:  “I’ll do everything I can.”

Man:  “It was the wind.  The wind chased me like a thief.”

H:  “Don’t talk.  Save your strength.”

Man:  “I couldn’t run fast enough.  So I offered-- everything I
had-- everything, except this.  Here-- take it.  Oh, no!”

H:  “The wind won’t chase you anymore, my friend.”


Woman:  “Fifty-three dinars?  You’re gonna hafta do better than

Sal [Laughs]:  “Madam [Clears throat]-- the days of Salmoneus
haggling over a price are long gone.  I could letcha have it
for-- I don’t know, uh-- pfff-- fifty dinars?”

Woman:  “Forty-five.”

Sal:  “Madam-- I fear you miss the point.  See-- the purpose of
art-- is to elevate us above the crassness of bargaining-- not
to demean us the way the give-and-take over a mere number does.

Woman:  “Forty-five.”

Sal:  “Forty-eight, and don’t make me haggle.”

Woman:  “Oh-- all right-- forty-eight, you big baby.”

Sal [Laughs]:  “Ah-- there, now.  Don’t we both feel better?
Hmm?  [Laughs]  [Clears throat]  Ah-- what’s wrong with this
picture?  Syreeta’s here.  And-- Ayora’s here, so it obviously
can’t be her.”

Syreeta [Syr]:  “Stop it, Salmoneus.  You’re being mean.”

Sal:  “I’m not being mean.  I’m being _disappointed_ that
Hercules isn’t here.”

Syr:  “But Ayora thinks he may have a change of heart.”

Ayora:  “I never said that.”

Syr:  “I’m just tryin’ to help you.”

Ayora:  “You help me?!  That’ll be the day!”

Sal:  “It’s all right, Syreeta.”

Ayora:  “It was just like you said, Salmoneus.  If Hercules
wasn’t fighting evil-- he’d be doing charity work.  And there he
was-- wrestling to raise money for war babies.”

Man’s Voice:  “Talk to Salmoneus-- ”

Ayora:  “I could have shown him some wrestling.”

Sal [Chuckles]:  “He’ll never learn.”

Syr:  “Learn what?”

Sal:  “That money isn’t a dirty word.  If he had only come here,
I could have made him rich.”

Woman:  “Excuse me.  The price tag can’t possibly be correct.
It says sixty dinars!”

Sal [Aside to Ayora and Syr]:  “Watch a master in action.  [To
woman].  Madam, let us talk about the cultural value of
beautiful things-- such as yourself, huh?”  [They laugh.]


Men’s Voices:  “More mead, over here!”  “A toast, my friend!”
“There he is!”  “Huh?”  “Yeah.”  “Who is that stranger?”  “I’ve
never seen him, before.”  “Yes, bring one over.”  “Come along.”
“A fine sort.”  “Like him.”

Bartender:  “Put it back.”

H:  “I just wanted to see it.”

Bartender:  “You don’t see with your hands.”

H:  “But I need to check it for a mark that could bring you

Bartender:  “Are you threatening me?!”

H:  “Threatening you-- no, I-I’m-I’m trying to help.”

Bartender:  “I don’t want your help.”

H:  “There’s no need to be rude.”

Man’s Voice:  “Take it easy, my friend!”

Bartender:  “We got a troublemaker here!”

Man’s Voice:  “We don’t like troublemakers!”

H:  “Wait, this is all a misunderstanding.”

Bartender:  “Get him!”

Man’s Voice:  “Come on!”

H:  “Get me?  For what?!  This is really-- stupid.”


H:  “Uh-- I don’t believe it.  Where’d you get the vase?”

Bartender:  “Huh?”

H:  “That’s all I wanted to know.  This fight wasn’t necessary.
Now, where’d you get the vase?”

Bartender:  “A pushy little man-- he called himself Salmoneus.”

H:  “Salmoneus.  Excuse me?  Next time?  Try a little
communication.  It won’t hurt quite so much.”

Bartender:  “Ah.”


Man’s Voice:  “When do we get a break?!”

Another Man’s Voice:  “Faster, boys.  We don’t have all day.”

Purces [Chuckles]:  “This load-- goes to my home.”

Foreman:  “What’s Salmoneus gonna say?”

Purces:  “He won’t say anything if he doesn’t find out.”

Foreman:  “Well, I’m not keepin’ my mouth shut unless there’s
somethin’ in it for me.”

Purces:  “You think there won’t be?”

Foreman:  “I’m just tellin’ ya how it is.  That’s all.”

Purces:  “You’re forgetting something.  I’m the one that calls
the shots around here.  Go on!”

Nemesis [Nem]:  “Then you’re the one I’m looking for.”

Purces:  “I’m sorry, sweetheart.  I’m busy.”

Nem:  “This won’t take long.”

Foreman:  “Purces, she-she-- ”

Purces:  “Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.  OK, OK, you’ve had an
eyeful.  Now, get moving.”

Man’s Voice:  “All right!”

Purces:  “Put that away.  It’s not hunting season.”

Nem:  “Guess again.”

Purces:  “Ah.”

Nem:  “Time to dance, Purces.”  

Purces:  “You crazy?!”

Nem:  “No, I’m curious.  I wanna know if you’re man enough to
admit that you’re a thief.  Get back to work!”

Purces:  “I’m no thief.”

Nem:  “That’s a lie.”

Purces:  “What’s wrong with you?  Huh?  I’m telling you the

Nem:  “That’s another lie.”

Purces:  “Get this lunatic woman away from me.”

Nem:  “Don’t-- even think about it.  Now, tell me the truth.”

Ass:  “OK.  OK.  I-I admit it.  I’m a thief!  I’ve been stealing
chalices and-and-and vases and anything I could lay my hands

Nem:  “Justice has been served.”


Sal:  “Ow!”

Thug:  “Better get him [?], now.”

Sal:  “Wait!  There’s a shoulder attached to that arm!  Careful!
Do you get enough fiber?!  Listen!  This time, please don’t--
ow!  Every time I come here, Zandar, that guy does the same
thing!  It’s _really_ getting tiresome!”

Zandar [Zan]:  “What happened out there?”

Sal:  “All I know is what I hear.  Some crazy woman with a bow
and arrow started calling Purces a liar and a thief.”

Zan:  “And he wound up with a splitting headache.”  [Chuckles]

Sal:  “Poor Purces.  He wasn’t exactly ‘Mr. Personality’.  But
since when is being a liar and a thief punishable by death?!”

Zan:  “Do your mourning quickly!  You’re more vital to our
operation than Purces ever was.”

Sal:  “You mean it?”

Zan:  “I’m not the type to joke around.”

Sal:  “No!  I can see you’re not!”

Zan:  “Your laborers have to keep hauling artifacts out of that
cave-- and you, my friend-- have to keep selling them.”

Sal:  “Selling-- I’ve got the concept.  But listen.  Um-- this
treasure of yours-- I’m a little vague on how ya got it.  I
mean, i-- was it a treasure map, or didja find some kind of-- ?”

Zan:  “Tell me, Salmoneus!  What interests you more?  Dwelling
on some inconsequential mystery-- or making money?”

Sal:  “Gimme a moment-- making money , absolutely.”

Zan:  “I knew you’d see things my way.”  [Coughs]

Sal:  “Whoo!”


Sal:  “Oh.  Oh-- yeah.  Oh.  O-Ow!  Ow-- careful.  Careful.
Syreeta, tell her what I like.”

Syr:  “A little lower-- with a gentle rotating motion?”

Sal:  “Yes.  Yes, that’s the place.  Oh, yeah.  Oh, yeah.  Oh,
you girls.  Ooh, you girls.  You’re so good to me.  I have

Ayora [?]:  “Oh.”

Sal:  “Ha-ha-ha!  Presents for you all.  Syreeta.  Now, the rest
of you-- are going to have to-- fend for yourselves.”

Ayora:  “Come on.  The one with the most pearls wins.”

Sal [Laughs]:  “Whoa!  [Laughs]  Whoa!  Hey!  Hey, not those

Ayora:  “Oh, Salmoneus!  You’re so good to us!”

Sal:  “Remember, girls-- clean living always pays!”

Ayora:  “You’re so generous!”

Sal:  “Oh, I’m generous to a fault!”

H:  “‘Fault’-- is the key word.”

Sal:  “Hercules!  I’d knew you’d come.  I knew it.”

H:  “Wait.  Uh, no.  Uh-- eh-- thank you.”

Sal:  “You have no idea the amount of riches and plenty that
we’re gonna be rolling in, my friend.”

H:  “Uh, that’s what I wanna talk to you about.  Let’s take a
little walk.”

Sal:  “Why so glum?  It’s time to eat, drink, and get
disgustingly rich.”

H:  “You’re wrong.”

Sal:  “I am?”

H:  “Yes.  That treasure you’ve been selling?  That belongs to
Hera.  And if I know Hera-- she-- wants you dead.”

Sal:  “Ha-ha!  Uhhh.”  [Faints]

H:  “Salmoneus?”



H:  “Feeling better?”

Sal:  “You tell me.”

H:  “You’ve really done it this time, Salmoneus.  What I can’t
believe is that you’ve never heard the story of Hera’s treasure.
It’s a local legend.  It’s been-- oh, maybe I can believe it.”

Sal:  “All I could think about was how much money I was gonna
make, and how many ways I could spend it.  But that’s all I ever
think about.”

H:  “Even now.”

Sal:  “Tell me the story.  I can’t wait.”

H:  “It happened when King Ores was in power.  There was a
rebellion against Hera, and he wiped out every man, woman, and
child involved.  Hera-- rewarded him with the treasure you

Sal:  “Now, listen.  That can’t be.  My treasure was found
sealed in a cave.  It had never been touched.”

H:  “You’re right-- and there’s a reason.  Before Ores could get
to it, I helped to overthrow him.”

Sal:  “Why didn’t ya take the treasure?  It was right there!”

H:  “Salmoneus, are you learning anything from this?”

Sal:  “Sorry.”

H:  “Hera left the treasure where it was to test the Orestians’

Sal:  “I thought the laborers were being stupid for being
scared.  I was the stupid one, huh?  I flunked Hera’s test and
now I’m dead.”

H:  “Well, you’re not dead.  You’re not gonna die.”

Sal:  “You could reverse it?”

H:  “Well-- ”

Sal:  “You would do that?  You could do that?  Please?  Please?!
Please?!  Please?!  Please?!”

H:  “Salmoneus.  Just-- show me where you took the treasure.”

Sal:  “Right!  Anything you want!  But I gotta tell ya!  This is
the nicest thing anybody has ever done for me.  You find a way
to keep my head on my shoulders-- I’ll turn over a new leaf.  I

H:  “Well, don’t bother.  You’d only sell it to the highest

Sal:  “Ha-ha.  Ha.”


Thug:  “Come here!”

Woman:  “Please!  Don’t take my babies!  I’m begging you!”

Thug:  “Babies?!  Ha-ha!  These brats are old enough to work the
fields!  I’ll get twenty dinars apiece for them.”

Woman:  “Nooo!”

Nem:  “You’re not going to do anything except turn them loose
and apologize for being such a swine.”

Thug:  “Well-- looky here.  No telling how much a slaver’s dream
like you is gonna fetch.”

Nem:  “Do what I said.”

Thug:  “You’re a bossy little thing, aren’t you?”

Nem:  “Now, let the children go.”

Thug:  “Yeah, sure.  I’d rather have you, anyway.”

Nem:  “You’re fun’s-- over.  Consider that a warning.”

Thug:  “I’m gonna kill you!”

Nem:  “Ow!  Next time, I’ll take your ears off!  Now, get out of

Thug:  “I’m going!  I’m going!  I’m going!”

Woman:  “You’re bleeding.”

Nem:  “Curse of being human, I guess.”


H:  “Too gaudy for my taste.”

Sal:  “Hey, this is top-of-the-line stuff.”

H:  “If you say so.  How did you find it?”

Sal:  “Strictly on the up-and-up.  A gentleman named Purces--
approached me on behalf of-- uh-- a third party.  And he said
they had a lead on a treasure trove.”

H:  “All this was just out of the blue, right?”

Sal:  “Contrary to your belief, my reputation as a salesman
precedes me.”

H:  “They didn’t happen to know you were a friend of mine, did

Sal:  “Uh, uh-- I might have mentioned it once or twice.”

H:  “Huh.  I think I better have a talk with your partner--

Sal:  “You’re too late.  He’s dead.”

H:  “What happened?”

Sal:  “I heard it was a scorned woman-- one armed with a bow and
arrow.  I’m sorry!  We’re closed!  Where is she?!”

H:  “What, you saw her?”

Sal:  “Yeah, but I don’t anymore!”

H:  “Well, she’s still here.”

Sal:  “Where?!”

Nem:  “Oh, Hercules.”

H:  “Right over there.”
Nem:  “I’m over here.” 

Sal:  “Quit playing games!  My eyes aren’t that bad!”

H:  “Well, she’s the one who’s playing the games.”

Sal:  “Who she?!  What she?!”

H:  “I-uh-- an old friend.”

Sal:  “Hercules, don’t leave me!”

Nem:  “You can’t catch me, Hercules.”

H:  “You’ll be fine.”


Nem:  “You’re never gonna catch me!”

H:  “That’s what you think!”

Man’s Voice:  “This guy is crazy!”

Woman’s Voice:  “He’s Hercules, but he’s gone mad!”

Nem:  “Think quick!”

H:  “Gotcha!”

Man’s Voice:  “He’s talking to himself, poor lad.”

H:  “Uh-- ha-ha-- uh-- I was-- oh-- you wouldn’t believe me if I
told you.”

Nem:  “I told you you couldn’t catch me, Hercules.”

H:  “As you were saying?”

Nem [Laughs]:  “You!”

H:  “We need to talk.”

Nem:  “Talk?”


Zan:  “I thought you said-- Hercules wasn’t coming.”  [Chuckles]

Ayora:  “How could I know?  He turned his nose up at me.”

Zan:  “Your head must be in a spin-- knowing your charms aren’t
100 % irresistible, hmm?”

Ayora:  “You’ve turned them down.”

Zan:  “Yes, I have-- this very minute.  Now, go.  Keep your ears
and eyes open.  I’ve got a lot of work to do.  That greedy,
conniving little sneak.”

Ayora:  “You’re gonna kill Salmoneus along with Hercules, aren’t

Zan:  “It’s my business!  Now, do what I told you!”


Nem:  “You’re awfully stern for someone who was having such a
good time a few minutes ago.”

H:  “My friend saw you.”

Nem:  “Salmoneus is a friend of yours?”

H:  “Yes.  What do you want with him, Nemesis?”

Nem:  “I haven’t decided yet.”

H:  “Oh, don’t give me that.  The gods make up your mind for
you.  Now who sent you?  Hera?”

Nem:  “Yes.  But I’ve made a change in policy.  The orders of
the gods don’t rule my life anymore.  Before I execute anybody,
I decide whether he deserve it.”

H:  “Since when do the gods listen to you?”

Nem:  “Since they’ve realized that nobody’s been better at
dealing out divine retribution-- than I am.”

H:  “Nemesis, your hand?  I didn’t think you ever got hurt.”

Nem:  “Only when I take human form-- which is something that I
always do when I’m seeking the truth.  You can ask your friend
Salmoneus that-- if he lives through the experience.”

H:  “But there’s an explanation for his involvement.”

Nem:  “I’ll-- be the judge of that.”

H:  “Wait a minute!”

Nem:  “You can’t save him this time, Hercules.  Salmoneus must
pay for his greed.”


H:  “That was by accident, right?  Guess not.”


Thug’s Voice:  “We’re gonna getchou!”

H:  “Can’t you see I’m in a hurry!”

H:  “Have to do a lot better than that.”

Zan:  “Oh, I will, Hercules-- I will.”


H:  “Nemesis, don’t!”

Nem:  “You’re too late.”

Sal:  “It won’t hurt much, will it?”



H:  “Put it down, Nemesis.”

Sal:  “Nemesis?!  She’s Nemesis?!”

Nem:  “He’s a thief!  Evidence is everywhere.  Take a look

H:  “Salmoneus is no thief.  He’s greedy-- yes, but he’s no

Sal:  “He’s right.  I’m greedy.  Anything for a dinar-- that’s
me.  I’m shameless, money- hungry, and conniving.”

H:  “I”ll-- vouch for that, and I’ll tell you something else.
He couldn’t have found Hera’s treasure by himself, I mean, not
in a million years.”

Nem:  “Someone led him to it?”

Sal:  “That’s right.  It was Purces.”

Nem:  “He’s dead.”

Sal:  “Oh, right.”

H:  “Salmoneus-- you mentioned earlier about a third party.  Who
is it?”

Sal:  “Huh?  Zandar!  He’s the one pulling Purces’ strings!
Listen-- I would never steal from Hera or any other god.  I’m
much too big a coward for that.”

H:  “At the very least-- you should check him out.  Come on, you
said you were seeking justice, Nemesis.  Now, here’s your chance
to prove it.”

Nem:  “You’re right.”

Sal:  “Thank you.  Thank you, thank you, thank you.  Thank you.
Thank you.  Thank you Thank you!  Thank both of you!  [Muffled]
Oh, how can I ever thank you!  Thank you!” 

H [Interrupting]:  “He’s been doing a lot of this lately.”

Sal [Muffled, as H is speaking]:  “Thank you!  Thank you!  Thank
you!  Thank you!”


Zan:  “The time is at hand-- oh, mighty Hera.  They’re here!
Both of ‘em!  Hercules to meet his death!  Nemesis to
determine-- whether she lives-- or dies!  But I-- your _humble
servant_-- cannot do what you’ve asked of me-- with mere mortals
to help me.  Already, those who call themselves my warrriors--
have failed-- _ignobly_ against Hercules.  No-- if I am to
succeed-- to your greater glory-- I need a weapon-- which will
not fail.  I need a true-- instrument-- of destruction!”

Pyro:  [Laughs]

Zan:  “Oh, mighty one-- give me a sign.”

Pyro:  [Yells, then laughs]

Zan:  “Pyro.  [Laughs]  Pyro. Yes!  Pyro!”


H:  “We’ve got a problem, Nemesis.”

Nem:  “What are you worried about now?”

H:  “I’m worried about you.  When you let Salmoneus live, you
may have signed your own death warrant.”

Nem:  “I can take care of myself.”

H:  “Hera is going to be furious.”

Nem:  “You know, I have better things to do than to listen to

H:  “Hey, hey, hey!  No-- you-- don’t.”

Nem:  “You know-- it is really hard for me to fly away when
you’re holding onto my wings-- I mean-- my arms.  How do you
_stand_ being in human form, anyway?  It’s a miracle you ever
get _anywhere_.”

H:  “I don’t always run away like you.”

Nem:  “I’m _not_ going to run away.”

H:  “Promise?”

Nem:  “Yes.”

H:  “Nemesis, the gods aren’t going to let you decide who’s
guilty and who’s not.  That’s how they amuse themselves.”

Nem:  “Well, too bad for them.”

H:  “It could get you killed.”

Nem:  “Well, fear never stopped you.  Look, you worry about
Salmoneus, and I’ll take care of Zandar.”

H:  “Hey, you know, if I wanted to take orders from you-- we’d
still be together.”

Nem:  “Well, too bad we’re not.  I’d take you flying with me.”

H:  “Nemesis, wait!  I hate it when she does that.”


Sal:  “Oh, it’s really great having you all here.  Now, if you
can just help me take this, uh-- stuff-- hmm?  Back to the
cave-- we-- whoa!  It won’t be that much work!  Just a-a couple
days, max-- a-a-and then we can, uh-- have a party.  Huh?
Party!  I-i-it won’t-- be in this beautiful mansion, a-and we
may not have champagne, but it-it’s not gonna be that different.
OK?  That’s right.  All get up and pitch in.”

Ayora [?] [Interrupting]:  “Come on, girls!”

Sal:  “It won’t-- wa-hey!  Hey!  Hey!  Where you going?!”

Woman’s Voice:  “Let him haul the stuff back himself!”

Sal [Interrupting]:  “Hey!  Hey!  It’s just a temporary setback!
Huh?!  I-- I’ll be back on top!  Don’t come crawling back unless
ya plan apologizing!”

Syr:  “You’re a clever man, Salmoneus.  Maybe you’ll find
another way to get rich.”

Sal:  “Y-- you don’t have to care about me.  I’m just-- just go
on with the others.  I don’t want you here.  Find some other
rich guy to use, huh?  Get outta here.”

H:  “Well, that’s-- one way to keep a woman interested.  We’ve
got work to do, Salmoneus.”

Sal:  “I know they only loved me for my money-- but it still
hurts.  And after this-- there may never be another pretty girl
in my life.”

H:  “At least you’ll-- be alive.  What do you say we-- get this
stuff out of here?  Well-- now I _know_ you didn’t do this by


Zan:  “I never get sick of this.  Come on.  [Startled]

Nem:  “The one and only.”

Zan:  “Don’t you ever knock?!  I suppose you’re here-- to tell
me ya killed Salmoneus-- the little thief.  but you’re not
finished yet.  Hercules is in town-- and Hera wants him dead so
bad she can taste it.”

Nem:  “The only thing she’s tasting is her own bile.  She ought
to get something to settle her stomach.”

Zan [Laughs]:  “You-- you didn’t kill Salmoneus, did you?”

Nem:  “No!  And I’m not gonna kill Hercules, either.  But you,
my friend-- better get ready to visit Hades.”

Zan:  “I don’t think so.”

Nem:  “This never could have happened if you had nev-- !”

Zan:  “I know!  Hera told me!  As a human, you’re a mere--

Nem:  “Swine!”

Zan:  “By your refusal to carry out your duties-- you have
betrayed Hera!  Just as she thought you would when she put you
to this little test!  And for your betrayal, you’ll meet the
same fate as Salmoneus and Hercules.  You-- will die.”


Sal:  “I’m not cut out for manual labor.  I’m sweating like a
piece of rancid pork.  My back hurts.  I’m getting blisters.
And you have no idea what this is doing for my manicure.”

H:  “Maybe, you should take a rest.”

Sal:  “Ahh!  Good idea!”

H:  “Ahem!”

Sal:  “You’re needling me, aren’t ya?  You’re tryin’ to make me
feel bad.  You’re trying to make me feel guilty-- guilty about
the-- ”

H:  “About being so greedy that you almost got killed?!  Yeah--
that sounds right.  Shall we get back to work?”

Sal:  “It’s sweltering in there!”

H:  “Think-- cold.”

Sal [Sighs]:  “It’s worse than ever.  I’m gonna melt if I stay
here too long.”

H:  “You’ll be fine.  What is this?”

Sal:  “It’s the cellar.  Th-there’s a trapdoor at the top of the
stairs.  Whoa!  I’m gonna get some water!”

H:  “That’s a-- good plan.”


Pyro:  “Ashes to ashes, Hercules.  As it was for your family--
so shall it be for you.”  [Laughs]

H:  “Pyro.”



H:  “It’s easier to kill sleeping women and children, isn’t it,

Pyro:  “Ho-ho-ho-- I’m going to get you.  Have no fear.”

H:  “I don’t fear you.”

Pyro:  “Brave talk won’t save you.  I’ll fry you to a crisp!”

Sal:  “Hercules?  You all right?!  Hercules?!”

H:  “Salmoneus!  Get out of here!”


Sal:  “You’re not supposed to be here!”

Zan:  “Really.  Hm-hmm.  Where am I supposed to be?”

Sal:  “You’re supposed to be d-d-d-- .  Let me start over.
[Clears throat]  There was a beautiful woman.”

Zan:  “I know all about her, you scheming pipsqueak.  She was
gonna defy Hera and kill me.  She’s insane!”

Sal:  “No, actually, I think ‘Charming’ is a more suitable

Zan:  “You know what she’ll be after I feed her to Pyro?  She’ll
be dead.”

Sal:  “Pyro?”

Zan:  “That’s right.  Is he finished with Hercules yet?”

Sal:  “No, sir.  Hercules is going to finish him.”

Zan:  “You’re betting on the wrong horse.”

Sal:  “Oh, I never bet on the wrong [Hoarse-sounding] horse.  I
never-- do that!”


Nem:  “Oh!  Oh!  How mortals stand being this _vulnerable_-- 24
hours a day.  A little rope-- and they can’t go-- anywhere!
OK-- we’ll do this-- the hard way!”


Pyro:  “Keep figthing-- and I’ll burn you limb by limb.  What’s
the matter?  Not having fun?!  I’ll torch this whole place if I
have to!”


Nem:  [Screams]


Pyro [Yells]:  “I don’t die that easily, Hercules.”


Zan:  “Hercules must be burned to a crisp by now.”

Sal:  “Not in your lifetime.”

Zan:  “You’ll change your mind when you meet the same fate he
did.”  [Laughs]


Nem [Laughs]:  “I-- guess this is what happens when you do the
right thing.  [Sighs]  And I’m-- going to do-- the right thing.”


Pyro [Laughs]:  “Nice try.”  [Laughs]


Zan:  “The fire awaits.  Let’s go.”

Sal:  “Wouldn’t ya rather toast marshmellows, instead?!  Get in
touch with your inner child, huh?!”

Zan:  “Move!”

Nem’s Voice:  “Hold it right there, Zandar!”

Zan:  “What?”

Thug:  “Whoa, where did she come from?”

Zan:  “Nemesis.  Get her!”

Thugs:  “Whoa!”  “We’re leaving!”  “Good-bye!”  “We’re not ready
for her!”

Zan:  “Come back here!”

Sal:  “Pyro’s in there!  He’s tryin’ to kill Hercules!”

Zan:  “What are you doing here?  How did you escape?”

Nem:  “Just lucky, I guess.”
Zan:  “This is where your luck runs out, you crazy witch.”

Zan’s Voice:  “Ha-ha!  You’ll never get in here!  [Laughs]  Ya

Sal:  “That’s terrific!”

Nem:  “Thank you.  What are you waiting for?  Let’s go!”

Sal:  “In there?”

Nem:  “I’ll protect you.”

Sal:  “You promise?”

Nem:  “Yes.”


Pyro [Laughs, then yells]:  “Ironic, isn’t it?  You will die the
way your family did.  I’m going to barbecue you, Hercules.  End
of the road, Hercules.”

Zan:  “Pyro!  Pyro!”

Pyro:  “Who in Hades are you?!”

Zan:  “Oh, you remember me.  Zandar.  Hera must have told you
about me.”  

Pyro:  “You’re at the wrong place-- at the wrong time!”

Zan:  “No!”

Pyro:  [Yells, then laughs]


Zan:  [Screams]


Pyro:  [Laughs]

H:  “You want to play games, Pyro?  Try to catch me now.”

Pyro:  “Hercules, you will burn!  No!  No!  No!  Let me out!  I
need air!  My flames!  No!  Noooooooooooooooooooooo!”

H:  “Light’s out, Pyro.”


H:  “I hope you don’t plan on using that thing.”

Nem:  “Hercules!”

Sal:  “Ah!  Are you all right?”

H:  “Uh-- yeah.  Fresh air would be nice.”


Sal:  “Syreeta?  I don’t believe it.  What are you doing here?”

Syr:  “Are you all right?  I was worried about you.”

Sal:  “You were?  Even though I’m-- how can I put this?
Financially embarrassed?  I mean, tem-temporarily?”

Syr:  “Don’t you know that doesn’t matter?  You were always nice
to me, Salmoneus.  Let me be nice to you.”

Sal:  “Syreeta-- I’m sorry I said those things.  I didn’t mean

H:  “Looks like another happy ending.”

Nem:  “For everyone except Hera.”

Syr:  “Salmoneus, you look like you need a bath.”

Sal:  “My house is full of smoke.”

Syr:  “Mine isn’t.”

H:  “Aah-- Salmoneus?  Stay out of trouble.”

Woman’s Voice:  “Now, don’t they make a nice couple?”

Nem:  “There’s one thing missing.”

H:  “What’s that?”

Nem:  “A kiss?”

H:  “I could volunteer.”

Nem:  “It’s the best way I can think of to say good-bye,

H:  “Where do you go from here?”

Nem:  “To find out what comes next in my life.”

H:  “I know that feeling.  Maybe I could help.”

Nem:  “I’ll be fine on my own.  All I ask is that you remember

H:  “How could I ever forget you, Nemesis?”


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