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“Once A Hero”  Episode 27/214


Men’s Voices:  “Give me more ale!”  “I’ll show you, little-- !”

I:  “Hey!  Pick on someone your own size!”

Otus:  “Me?  There is no one my own size”

I:  “Ah-- you got a point.  [Laughs]  Otus.”

Archivus [Arc]:  “And then the legendary Iolaus arrived!  Had he
been delayed-- by the arms of _battle_-- or by love?”

I:  “So you’re finally gonna put me in one ’a your stories,
Archivus?  You know?  Last time-- I didn’t get a mention.”

Arc:  “Sometimes, truth has to be sacrificed for art.”

I:  “Oh.  Heads up!”

Castor [Cas]:  “Welcome, Iolaus!”

I:  “Cas-tor!  Still defying gravity, I see!”

Cas:  “Oh, I do what I can to ignore those birthdays I keep

Arc:  “What stories can you tell me about this?”

I:  “Ah-h-h-h-h-- oh, you know, uh-- sixty barbarians-- uh,
maiden in distress-- you know how it goes!”

Arc:  “Come on, Iolaus-- most of the other argonauts are already

I:  “Great!  Take me to ‘em!”

Arc:  “Behold the golden fleece.  The reason for this reunion--
and the tie that will bind us forever.”

I:  “Has it really been ten years since we brought it back?”

Cas:  “In my humble opinion-- we’ll never have a better cause.”

I:  “Or a greater leader than Jason.  Even Hercules’ll tell ya
there’s never been anybody like him.”

Arc:  “Right.  Jason.”

I:  “I hear that he’s off on another quest.”

Arc:  “Uh-- yeah.  Well, i-i-it’s hard to keep _track_ of him
these days!  Oh, look!  Th-there’s someone else you’ve _got_ to
see!  Iolaus?  Do you remember the fair Phoebe?  Daughter of
Lycenus the lookout?”

I:  “Ye-ah, but-- only as a child.  Phoebe-- uh, I was sorry to
hear about your father’s accident.”

Phoebe [Pho]:  “Don’t call it an accident.  No accident could’ve
killed him.”

Arc:  “Phoebe-- there’s never been anything to prove otherwise.
Maybe you should look harder.”

I:  “Wo-ow!  She’s, uh-- feisty, isn’t she?”

Arc:  “Makes me miss my days on the island of silent women.”


Falafel [Fal]:  “Ah!  Buy a souvenir to remember your visit to
Argos.  I have actual strands of the golden fleece.”

H:  “No, thank you.”

Fal:  “Model of the Argo?!  Detailed replica-- of the famous
ship that carried Jason and his crew on their quest.”

H:  “I’ve-- already seen it.”

Fal:  “I have Hercules dolls!  Exact likeness!”


Thugs:  “Shut your trap-- and hand over your money!”  “Give it
up!”  Now!”  “Hand it over!”

H:  “Not this time, fellas.”

Thug 1:  “Uh.  Get rid of this clown!”


H:  “I said-- ‘Not this time’.  Well-- if you’ve got a home to
go to, my friend, maybe I should take you there.”

Jason [Ja]:  “No!  No, you wanna take me to the fire below!

H:  “Jason.”



Arc:  “Who’s your passenger, Hercules?”

H:  “Jason.”

I:  “What happened?  I-- thought he was on a quest.”

H:  “I-- think he lost his way.  Welcome to the party, Jason.”

Ja:  “I don’t wanna be here.”

H:  “Well, of course you do.  You were our leader.”

I:  “Yeah, no one belongs here more than you do.”

Cas:  “Listen to them, Jason.  They’re right.

Ja:  “Nah.”

Domesticles [Dom]:  “Not so fast.  Let’s take a look at you

H:  “I-- found him in an alley.”

Dom:  “Maybe he starting celebraing a little early.”

Cas:  “We’d better get him out of sight before _they_ see him.
Come on.”

H:  “‘They’?  Who are you talking about?”

Marcus [Mar]:  “So-- the king has returned.”

Cas:  “There’s your answer, Hercules.”

Mar:  “Seen any demons lately, Jason?”

Ja:  “I’m looking at one right now.”

H:  “E-excuse me-- but-- who are you?”

Mar:  “I’m the chief regent of Argos.  Marcus is the name.”

Dom’s Voice:  “He takes care of the daily affairs of the kingdom
for Jason.”

H:  “Jason, you never needed that kind of help before.”

Ja:  “Things change, Hercules.”

Mar:  “We won’t tolerate any more of Jason’s publice displays.
If you-- argonauts-- can’t keep him out of trouble-- his days as
king are numbered-- fleece or no fleece.”

I:  “Who do you think you are-- talking to Jason like that?
Don’t walk away from me!  I’m talking to you!”

H:  “Iolaus!  Wait!”

Cas:  “Jason’t always bumpin’ heads with Marcus and his

Artemus [Art]:  “Ever since Jason took to drinkin’.”

Arc:  “You’d do the same if you had his nightmares, Artemus.”

Cas:  “Jason’s been like this ever since-- ”

Art:  “Jason left Medea for Glauce-- the woman I loved-- and
Medea killed her.”

H:  “She also killed Jason’s children.”

[[[[[[Childs’ Voice:  “Help me, Daddy!”]]]]]]

Dom:  “Can I, uh-- can I get you something, Jason?”

Ja:  “Domesticles-- did you just see him?  He was here.  The
demon was _here_.”

Dom:  “I-- think you’ve been dreaming again there, Jason.”

Ja:  “Uh, I saw him in an alley, too.”

H:  “That was me you saw there.  Maybe we should talk about

Ja:  “I need a drink, first.”

H:  “Jason, it-- ”

H:  “You weren’t invited.”


H:  “You all right?”

Ja:  “He’s taking the fleece!”

H:  “Wait!”


Mar:  “This is a disgrace!  You argonauts are as low on honor as
your drunken leader.”

H:  “The longer I listen to you, Marcus-- the more I don’t like
you.  Be careful with your words.  As for the fleece-- we’ll get
it back.”

Arc:  “Well put, Hercules!”

I:  “We tracked him to the harbor.  They’re sailing east.”

H:  “Is the _Argo_ still sea-worthy?”

Mar:  “But you can’t-- ”

H:  “I’ll take that as a yes.  Gentlemen-- we’re going after the
fleece again.”

Dom:  “I’m not going anywhere-- until I know who we’re chasing.”

I:  “Blood-eyes-- they’re a cult.  They worship Hera.”

Arc:  “Fanatics!”

Cas:  “Did anyone get a good look at their leader?”

Ja:  “I did.  It was the demon.”

Dom:  “Uh-- there’s the wine talkin’ again.”

Ja:  “No, it was him.  I swear it.  He’s the one took the
fleece.  I brought the fleece back once; I can do it again.”

H:  “Jason-- we’d be proud to go with you.”

I:  “Anyone else?”

Dom:  “Look-- I’m-- I’m willing to go.  I-- I believe we all are
but-- but we want you to lead us, Hercules.”

H:  “Jason is our leader.”

Arc:  “But, he doesn’t have all his oars in the water, if you
know what I mean.”

Art:  “Don’t soft-pedal it.  He’s a raving lunatic.”

Cas:  “Jason-- sure hasn’t been himself, lately.”

I:  “He’s got a point-- Hercules.”

H [Sighs]:  “All right.  I’ll-- lead the expedition if that’s
the way you want it.  But Jason-- is gonna navigate the _Argo_.
Any complaints?”


I’s Voice:  “Otus!  Phoebe!  Time to come aboard!”


Mar:  “The argonauts are finished.  Our champion will make sure
of that.”

Woman:  “He is only a mortal.  Take this-- in case he fails us.”

Mar:  “What is it?”

Woman:  “Insurance-- that none of the argonauts will survive,
even if they do return.”

Mar:  “But what about Hercules?  No one has ever been able to
destroy him.”

Woman:  “Until now.”  [Laughs]



Men’s Voices:  “All right, let’s trim that sail!”  “Wind’s
picking up!”  “Ship, ho!”

I:  “That must be it.  That black speck on the horizon.  Think
he’s up to it?”

H:  “He’s a hero, Iolaus.”

I:  “Yeah-- but to hear the others talk about him-- that Jason
doesn’t exist, anymore.”

H:  “I’ll believe that when I see it.  It’s just hanging out
there-- daring us to follow it.”

I:  “Yeah-- wish I knew how many were aboard.  Can’t make out a

Pho:  “There are-- twenty black-clad warriors wearing the red
peacock eye-- nine at the bow-- eleven at the stern.  One of
them walks with a limp.  I think he has a gammy left leg.  There
may be more below deck.  The boat’s runnin’ low in the water.”

H:  “Your father had the eyes of an eagle as well.”

Pho:  “I’ve got more than good eyes.  I’ve got a fighting

H:  “Well-- let’s-- hope you don’t have to prove it.  Ah, the
wind’s switching.  Maybe we can-- get back some of the distance
they have on us.”

I:  “Can you really see that?”

Pho:  “I made up the part about the limp.”


H:  “Put him down, Otus.”

Otus:  “Do I have to?”

H:  “If you wanna get along with me-- you do.”

Otus:  “OK.  But he keeps saying things about Jason”

H:  “Is that right?  What’s the problem, Artemus?”

Art:  “Jason is gonna lead us to disaster.  _That’s_ the
problem.  He destroys everyone near him-- just like he destoyed

Valerus [Val]:  “You’ve got to let it go, _sometime_, Artemus--
or it’ll destroy you.”

Cas:  “We all know you loved Glauce, but Jason didn’t kill her.
Medea did.”

Art:  “It may as well have been Jason!  And you’d admit it-- if
you weren’t so busy kiddin’ yourself he’s still a hero.”

Val [Sighs]:  “The man is a mess!”

H:  “What’s happened to you?!  All of you?  We used to be a


Men’s Voices:  “Break sail!”  “Come on, landlubbers!  Move!”
“Look lively!”  “That’s the way!”

Ja:  “Disappinted in me Hercules?”

H:  “How can I be disappointed in you, Jason?  I know what
you’re going through.”

Ja:  “You’ve been there yourself, I know.  But you’re stronger
than I am.  You could survive.”

H:  “You can do the same-- all you have to-- ”

Ja:  “I don’t wanna hear it.  I’m tired of my problems.  All I
want from you is a promise, Hercules.”

H:  “Name it.”

Ja:  “After we catch up with these thieves, make sure the fleece
gets back to Argos.”

H:  “What are you talking about?  You’ll take it there

Ja [Sighs]:  “I brought about the death of my family.  The gods
have sent a demon to punish me.  It’s just a matter of time,
now.  But if we can recapture the fleece-- people might still
remember me kindly.”

H:  “Jason-- the fleece isn’t what made you king.”

Ja:  “Maybe not-- but it’s the only thing left of me that anyone


H:  “What happened?”

Art:  “I don’t know.  I found him like this.”

H:  “His neck’s broken.”

Art:  “He must have fallen down the stairs.”

I:  “No.  Otus was too agile.”

Art:  “Those steps are pretty slippery.  What are you starin’ at
me like that for?”

Pho’s Voice:  “Land ho!”


Ja:  “What’s the problem?”

Art:  “Otus is dead.”

Ja:  “I don’t believe it.”

H:  “He-- slipped.  He fell on the steps.”

Ja:  “We’ll give him a proper burial when we reach shore.
Prepare for landing.”

Arc:  “And so-- the first tragedy-- of the second expedition--
struck us-- when we least expected it.”

I:  “So, did he slip?”

H:  “He was killed.  But until we find out by who-- we don’t
need everyone looking over their shoulders.”

I:  “Do you think it was Artemus?  He didn’t like Otus.”

H:  “Why would he draw attention to finding the body?”

I:  “On the other hand-- who else would want Otus killed?”

H:  “Yeah.”


I:  “They went that way-- up the cliff.”


I:  “It’s them.”

H:  “How many guards?”

Pho:  “Five-- three in those trees and two in the rocks over

I:  “There’s two more behind the bush.”

Pho:  “How did you know?”

H:  “How _did_ you know?”

I:  “It’s an old hunters’ trick.”

H:  “Jason-- what do you wanna do?”

Ja:  “Attack.”


H:  “Shhhhh.”


H:  “Shh.”

I [Whispers]:  “Oh.”


I:  “Jason-- what are you doing?”

Ja:  “Trying to regain my good name.  Argonauts!  Attack!”

I:  “Phoebe, no!”

Arc:  “That old _argonaut_ magic!”

H:  “Hold on!  They’re tryin’ to split us up!”


Val:  “Oh, it’s you.  Cover my back.”


Ja:  “You’ve haunted me long enough.”




H:  “No!”

Ja:  “You should have let him take me.”

H:  “I couldn’t do that.  Come on.  Let’s make sure everybody
else is still in one piece.”


H:  “This doesn’t look good.  What happened?”

I:  “Huh-- it was a trap!  There were _dozens_ of them out

Pho:  “Yeah, we’re _lucky_ to be alive!  Oh, no.”

Arc:  “Blood-eyes were everywhere.  We didn’t even see them

Art:  “One of those savages-- stabbed Valerus in the back!  His
quiver was still full of arrows.  He didn’t even get off a

Ja:  “He was too brave a warrior to die like this.  There never
was a greater archer.”

Art:  “You’re the reason he’s dead!  You led us into this trap!”

H:  “Now’s not the time for pointing fingers, Artemus.”

Art:  “Yeah, well-- well, maybe I should just kill this old

H:  “You don’t wanna do anything to Jason, do you?”

Art:  “You’re not gonna be around to protect him forever,

Pho:  “This is crazy-- fighting among ourselves!”

Art:  “He’s gonna get us all killed!”

H:  “No, he won’t.”

Ja:  “Don’t be so sure of that, Hercules.”

H:  “I better go talk to him.”

I [Whispers]:  “Yeah.”


H:  “That’s not going to solve anything.”

Ja:  “Oh, you might think different if you were the one who led
us into trap.”

H:  “You can’t take the blame for everything, Jason.”

Ja:  “Get outta here, Hercules!  Maybe the demon’ll come back
and do the job right this time.”

H:  “He’s no demon.  He’s a man.”

Ja:  “What do you know about it?”

H:  “I hit him.  That’s what I know about it?  He is flesh and
blood, just like you and me.”

Ja:  “No-- the gods would never send a mortal to destroy me!”

H:  “The gods don’t have anything to _do_ with this!  You’re
haunting yourself, Jason.”


Pho:  “There they are.  I can’t believe where they’re takin’ the

I:  “Yeah [Panting]-- I hate volcanoes!  Hercules?”

H:  “We’ll need to make a plan.”

Ja:  “Save your self the trouble.  I’m going in after the fleece
by myself.”

I:  “Jason-- ”

Ja:  “No!  This is my responsibility, no one else’s.  I lost the
fleece-- I’ll get it back.”

H:  “Jason!  We’re the argonauts.  We came here together.  We
finish this together.”

Ja:  “I’d appreciate the company.”


I’s Voice:  “Where are they?”

Pho:  “Someone’s up there.”

Dom:  “He’s got the fleece!”

Arc:  “But who is it?”

H’s Voice:  “Jason’s demon.”

Dom’s Voice:  “It’s real.”

Ja:  “Flesh and blood, just like you and me.”

H:  “Take off your mask, Castor!”

Ja:  “Castor?”

I:  “What?”

Ja:  “Why are you doing this?  Why are you trying to destroy

Cas:  “You should know, Jason-- you and Hercules and all the
rest of you glory hounds.  You stole the honor that should have
been mine.  But now I’ve finally proven that I’m better than

Art:  “Well, come down here and prove it!”

Cas:  “Ha!”

Pho:  “You killed my father.”

Cas:  “He found out about my plans.  I even ruined the great
Jason.  After Medear [sic] killed your family-- I became your
living nightmare.”

Man’s Voice:  “Steady!”

H:  “Leave him!  Let him die here.”

Cas:  “You’re only delaying the inevitable, Hercules.  He’s
gonna die with the rest of you when this volcano erupts.
Ha-ha-ha-ha.  These splendid warriors-- will make sure that you
don’t leave-- until the fun starts.  You may have lived as
warriors-- but you’re gonna [Slowly] die as fools.”

Pho:  “The door!”


Art:  “Jason!  The fleece!”

Pho:  “Duck!”

Ja:  “Your treachery is at an end, Castor.”

Art:  “Help me!”

Ja:  “No!”

Cas:  “Take one last look at the fleece, Jason.”  [Yells]

H:  “Come on!  Hurry up!  Let’s go!”

I:  “You gonna be OK?!”

H:  “Yeah, I’ll be fine.”

I:  “Good!”



H:  “Nothin’ like a woman’s touch.”


Pho:  “That was the first time in my life I ever thought I might

H:  “Well, I’m glad you didn’t-- thanks.”

Art:  “You saved my life, Jason.  Why?”

Ja:  “You’re an argonaut-- and you would ’a done the same for me
if the situation had called for it.”

H:  “We better get out of here.  This island’s not gonna last
much longer.”

Pho:  “But what about the fleece?”

Ja:  “I’m afraid it’s buried for all time.  Back to the _Argo_.”

Arc:  “We may not have the fleece, but we have our captain.”

Ja:  “I’m not sure if the rest of my kingdom will be so


Mar:  “You failed, Jason.  And this council has no choice but to
strip you of your crown.”

Art:  “You can’t do that.  Jason’s our king.”

Mar:  “Yours, perhaps-- but not the public’s.  They won’t
tolerate a king who lost the fleece.  And what else does Jason
have to cling to?”

H:  “He has his honor-- his dignity-- and the fighting heart
that proves he is still our leader.”

Mar:  “All of which amounts to nothing when there is a-- new
hero present-- a man who won back the fleece when Jason-- and
the rest of you pathetic dreamers-- could not.  Behold-- the
future king of Argos.”

Cas:  “I-- Castor-- proclaim myself the worthy ruler of this

Mar:  “Abdicate your throne, Jason.  And save yourself the--
humiliation-- of having it taken from you.”

Ja:  “Very well-- I will abdicate-- ”

H:  “Jason, don’t!”

I’s Voice:  “He killed Valerus and Otus.”

Pho:  “And my father.”

Ja [Interrupts]:  “No, let me finish.  I will abdicate-- if
Castor will fight me man-to-man.  Winner takes the throne.”

Cas:  “I beat you once, old man.  I can do it again.”

Ja:  “I was beaten by my demon.  _You_ could never defeat me.”

Mar:  “Hera has given _me_ the power to destroy them all!”

Cas:  “No.  First I will humiliate Jason-- then we can kill the
rest of them.”

Mar:  “Death to the argonauts.  It _is_ Hera’s will.”


Mar:  “Right where I want them.”

Cas:  “You idiot!  This was supposed to be between Jason and me.
Kill one of the others.  This one’s mine.”

Dom:  “Thanks.”

H:  “Any time.”

Cas:  “The pain is just beginning, Jason.”

Ja:  “I can take it, Castor.  Can you?”

Cas:  “The only pain I feel-- is from seeing an old has-been
like you on the throne.”


Arc:  “Then Iolaus rushed forward-- and he-- ”

I [Interrupts]:  “Uh-h-h-h-- uh.  Uh, no, no.”

Arc:  “-- and heedless of his own safety-- _smote_ two of the
fierce blood-eyes”

I:  “Archivus-- isn’t this getting a little flowery?”

Arc:  “No, no, no, no, no, no.”

I:  “And, you know?  There were _four_ blood-eyes.  There were
four blood-eyes!”

Art:  “Come on, there he is.  Hercules!  Can we talk to you?”

H:  “Sure-- what’s on your mind.”

Art:  “I think-- Phoebe should be made an official argonaut.
Because of her bravery on the quest and-- ”

H:  “Artemus-- you don’t have to convince me.  I’d be proud to
count Phoebe among us.”

Pho:  “Then I accept-- in hopes that I honor the memory of my

H:  “Phoebe-- you already have.  Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m--
looking for Jason.”


H [Sighs]:  “Is everything OK, Jason?”

Ja:  “I was just thinking about them-- about my kids.  I don’t
think I’ll ever stop feeling their loss.”

H:  “Nor should you.  You loved them-- and they loved you.”

Ja:  “Now all I have to do is figure out what comes next.  Well,
maybe you were in the same situation when you lost your family.”

H:  “Yes, I was.  And I made some wrong turns.  But I finally
realized-- I had to do something with my life that would have
made my wife and children proud.”

Ja:  “My family would want me to take care of the people in my
kingdom.  I think I can do that now.”

H:  “Good.”

Ja:  “Let’s go inside.”


Ja:  “A toast-- to Hercules.  It was his confidence and example
that brought me back from the dead-- to this wonderful moment.”

H:  “And a toast to Jason-- he’s always been my hero-- and he
always will be.”

I:  “To heroes!”

All:  “To heroes!”


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