Whoosh! Online
Edition Take a Journey Through Tartarus!


“Love Takes A Holiday”  Episode 40/303


Aphrodite [Aph]:  “‘-- and my husband spends too much time in the
tavern and not enough in our bedroom.  Please help.  Also-- he
snores.  Signed, Sleepless in Cyprus’.  Ugh!  Another lame
request.  Can’t these people get a life?  Uh-- mmm.  Oh, that’s
good-- totally good.  Make me forget this stuff.”

Masseur:  “Aphrodite-- I don’t see the point of rubbing oil on
your skin.”

Aph:  “Oh, it’s just this new process I’ve hit on.  It gives me
this killer bronze glow.”

Masseur:  “Here are more petitions from your shrines.”

Aph:  “Uh-- ‘Dear goddess-- ha-ha-- single Athenian female seeks
single Spartan male for fun and games.  Please send recent
sketch’-- yadda, yadda, yadda.  I’m just _over_ this ‘goddess of
love’ gig!  Gag me.”

Masseur:  “You’ve had enough?”

Aph:  “Absolutely!  I am like-- extremely versatile.  No more
hiding my talents.  They’re gonna be out there for the world to

Masseur:  “An hour of passion may soothe you.”

Aph:  “Boring!  You _bore_ me!  These bore me.  Love bores me.  I


Iagos [Clears throat]:  “Something-- troubles you, noble

Hephaestus [Heph]:  “Only that which I can never have.”

Iagos:  “But you must press on, great god of fire.  None of the
other gods has your skill and artistry.”

Heph:  “No!  Iagos-- how do I conquer my obsession for her?”

Iagos:  “With work, Master.  I mean-- only you can make the armor
for the other gods.”

Heph:  “There’s a great-- emptiness inside me.”

Iagos:  “That’s because-- you seek the unobtainable.  Set your
sights more realistically-- perhaps-- on the beautiful Leandra.
My father told me you-- once proposed to her.”

Heph:  “Yes, and even she-- a mortal-- rejected me.”

Iagos:  “Hmm.  Well, maybe she’s, uh-- changed her mind.  After
all, it’s been fifty years.”

Heph:  “So much time has gone by.  I must remedy that.”

Iagos:  “This-- shield you’re crafting for Perseus-- is it as
powerful as it is beautiful?”

Heph:  “It will be when it’s finished.  Iagos-- I’ll lift the
curse on the village of Syllabus today-- but I won’t force myself
on Leandra.”

Iagos:  “Ah-- nor should you have to.  Uh-- let me talk to the
girl-- uh, find out how she really feels.”

Heph:  “If you can convince her to come to me lovingly, _and_
freely-- I’ll give you anything I have.”

Iagos:  “Ah-- not necessary.  I live only to serve you.”


I [Singing]:  “Ohhhhhhhhh-- you love.”

Man’s Voice:  “I want you!  I love you!”

Woman’s Voice:  “Your love isn’t strong enough!”

Man:  “Mine?!”

Woman:  “No!”

Man:  “Oh-ohh!”

I:  “Huh-- must have been a bad year.”

A Man’s Voice [Singing]:  “My true lover-- ”

Chrysala::  “Shut up!”

A Man’s Voice:  “Chrysala-- why did you do that?!”

I:  “Maybe she’s no longer fond of your-- instrument.”

A Woman’s Voice:  “I’m tired of you and your rags.  Get out of my

I:  “Mykonos!  My friend!  Come on.”

Mykonos [Myk]:  “Good to see you, Iolaus.”

I:  “Yeah.  Uh-- what’s going on?”

Myk:  “I have _no_ idea.  The women are all behaving strangely.
Where’s Hercules?”

I:  “Uh, he’s in Corinth.  His brother, Iphicles’ wife is having
a baby, so it’s, uh-- family time for Herc-- ‘R and R’ for me.
Huh-- so, have you seen, uh-- Evanthea?”

Myk:  “She’s, uh-- over there but, uh-- be careful.”

I:  “Careful?  Hmm-- a week with Evanthea-- is like a walk in the

Myk:  “If she’s acting like all the others-- you may find
yourself in a thunderstorm.”

I:  “Evanthea.”

Evanthea [Evan]:  “Iolaus.”

I:  “Hi.”



I:  “Whoa.  Evanthea.  You know-- I walked all the way from
Kiriakos to spend some quality time with you.”

Evan:  “I never wanna see you again-- ever!  Get it?!”

I:  “I get it!”

Woman’s Voice:  “-- but I will catch you-- !”

I:  “Is it something in the water?”

Mik:  “Zeus only knows.”

Another Woman’s Voice:  “Get out and stay out!”

I:  “Are you all right?!”

Another Woman:  “You pathetic imitation of a man!”

Aph’s Voice:  [Laughs]

I:  “I recognize that laughter-- Aphrodite.  Aphrodite?!  Come
on, I know you’re here, somewhere!”

Aph [Laughs, then Sighs]:  “Look at these mortals!  Losers!
Isn’t this awesome?!  [Laughs]  That Evanthea throws a mean
right-- huh?  Whaddaya think?  Me-- goddess of music.”

I:  “Aphrodite-- are you responsible for all this?”

Aph:  “Totally!  I maxed our on the love gig.  I’m shifting my
career gear.  Time to find a new energy field-- alter my aura.
Music?  Not.”

I:  “Wait.  Does this mean that there’s-- there’s no more love in
the world?”

Aph:  “Whoa, are you observant or what?  [Laughs]  Put it this
way-- guys still want it-- but women couldn’t care less.”

Older Woman’s Voice:  “Come back here, you weasel!  I’m gonna
role you into a pancake!”  [Laughs]

I:  “So, how come it only works on women?”

Aph:  “Duh!  If men felt the same way, where would the fun be?!
This rocks!”

I:  “Aphrodite-- people depend on you!  Don’t you realize the--
the enormous implications of what you’ve done?!  This is gonna
have sad consequences, tragic repercussions.  Besides, I got a
week off.”

Aph:  “Tell someone who cares, Sweet Pea.”

I:  “I hate that.”


Iagos:  “In a moment-- we’ll go down to the village below, and,
uh-- politely invite Leandra to come with us-- or drag her,
kicking and screaming.”

Bearded Thug:  “What village?”

Iagos:  “That village.”


Aph:  “Ha!   Bummer, I missed.”

I:  “You almost killed me!”

Aph:  “Chill, Curly.  Not you-- the tree.  OK, so I need a
_little_ practice to become the goddess of the hunt.”

I:  “Aphrodite, you can’t be Artemis.  People depend on you for--

Aph:  “That was like-- my curve.  Sweet Cheeks-- call me

I:  “You’re irresponsible.”

Aph:  “Cool.”

I:  “Aphrodite-- you have been meddling with the forces of
nature.  There’s gonna be no more love in the world for
generations to come.  There won’t even _be_ any ‘Generations to

Aph:  “Super bummer-- but not _my_ problem.”

I:  “No-- wait.  You’re doing it all wrong.”

Aph:  “First time I’ve ever had a complaint about my technique.”

I:  “I meany your archery.  OK [Clears throat]-- now squeeze--
and release.”

Aph [Laughs]:  “That rocks!  I got a personal trainer.  Right


Iagos:  “Men and women of Syllabus-- I come to you from
Hephaestus.  give over Leandra.  You’ve already suffered his
curse once.  Don’t defy him again.”

Elder:  “You’re not his messenger.  An older man came this

Iagos:  “That was my _father_, you dumb fool!  He’s dead--
fifteen years, now.”

Elder:  “Impossible!”

Woman’s:  “What is he _talking_ about?!”

Iagos:  “Is it?!”

Man’s Voice:  “It can’t be true.”

Iagos:  “Look at your vineyards-- all withered and dry.  Your--
fields-- barren and empty.”

Man’s Voice:  “He’s right.”

Woman’s Voice [In Background]:  “What’s happening?”

Iagos:  “If I tell Hephaestus-- you refused him a second time--
at sunset-- your _village_-- disappears forever!”

Elder:  “Wait.  Leandra-- went to the stream-- looking for her

Iagos:  “Ah.”


Aph:  “Hunting sucks.”

I:  “Shh.”

Aph:  “Uh-- I mean-- what does Artemis _see_ in this?  Hours and
hours of looking for some huge, ugly, hairy pig.”

I:  “Boar.  Sh.”

Aph:  “I’m hot; I’m sticky.  Aw-- and what’s this I just stepped

I:  “Over there.  That’s a boar.  OK-- go for it.  Awww.”

Leandra [Lea]’s Voice [Screams]:  “Get your hands off me!”


Lea:  “Please!  I can’t leave until I find my son!”

Iagos:  “Marrying Hephaestus is more important than finding your

Lea:  “Wait!  She’s only three!”

I:  “Leave her alone.”

Iagos:  “Don’t interfere with things you know nothing about!  You
stupidly risk your life!”

I:  “So, call me stupid.”


I:  “Hey!  You’re next, pal.”

Lea:  “Thank you.  Thank you so much.”

I:  “It was nothing.  Just-just-- don’t hit me, all right?”

Lea:  “Why would I hit you, when you just saved me from being

I:  “You mean-- you don’t feel like-- beating me senseless, or--

Lea:  “No.  Come-- we better get back to my home.  There are
bandits out here.  Or the She-demon might turn you into stone.”

I:  “Well, you have no fear on that score.  Hercules helped me
defeat the She-demon, oh, a couple ’a years age.”

Lea:  “Who’s Hercules?”

I:  “You mean-- you’ve never heard of Hercules?  Friend of

Lea:  “No.  Please-- let’s go quickly.  Perhaps by now, my son
has returned to the village.”

I:  “What village?”


Iagos:  “Oh!  Oh, mighty Hephaestus!”

Heph:  “What’s this?  Where is Leandra?”

Iagos:  “Forgive me, lord.  I have failed you.”

Heph:  “Get up, Iagos.  I understand.  She has no wish-- to be my

Iagos:  “Oh, she’s willing.  But the villagers-- they _mocked_
you.  They jeered at your name.  They called you-- the great--
god, ‘Hideous’.”

Heph:  “It’s my destiny to be alone.”

Iagos:  “No!  She wants to marry you!  But as we were returning,
a dozen of villagers fell upon us.”

Heph:  “So, they’re keeping her from me.”

Iagos:  “Screams of protest still ring in my ears.  Oh, please,
master-- give me the means to bring Leandra here-- where she
wants to be.”

Heph:  “Take this armor, that I’m making for Ares.  Do as he


I:  “Syllabus?  Not only have I never-- seen this village, I’ve
never even heard of it.”

Lea:  “You’re not from these parts, then?”

I:  “No, just the opposite-- my dad grew up around here.”

Lea:  “Well, he must have heard of it.  Syllabus has been here
for centuries.”

I:  “Hmm.”

Man:  “Leandra?”

I:  “Hmm-- that was weird.  Um-- what’s with all these
old-fashioned clothes, anyway?”

Lea [Interrupting]:  “What do you mean, ‘Old-fashioned’?”

I:  “Ah, no.  They’re-they’re-- they’re nice.”

Lea:  “Iolaus, I can’t thank you enough.  The least I can do is
offer you supper-- after I locate my son and give him a piece of
my mind.”

Man:  “He’s the one!”

Elder:  “Stranger-- you brought Leandra back?”

I:  “Oh, yeah.  Yeah.  Yeah.  That was me.  She was being
attacked by a bunch of guys, so I kinda-- .  I’d have nailed ‘em
all if Hercules had been with me.”

Elder:  “Who’s Hercules?”

I [Laughs]:  “‘Who’s Hercules?’  Wait a minute.  You mean, you
never heard of him either?  Where have you people been?  Uh-- you
know?  I-I-I’d love to stay and chat, but, um-- I got a
dinner-date, so-- ”

Elder:  “Because of your foolish actions-- we’ll be cursed by
Hephaestus-- again!”

Man’s Voice:  “Stop him!”

Woman’s Voice:  “Yes!  Kill him!”



Man’s Voice:  “Stone him!”


I:  “Ow!”

Man:  “Kill him!”

I:  “You people really know how to-- roll out the welcome wagon!
Ow!  Huh!  Huh!  Friendly little town you got here!”

Merchant:  “It used to be.”

I:  “Hey tell me, uh-- what is all this about a curse and, uh--

Merchant:  “My advice-- forget about it-- and leave.  I intend

I:  “Thanks.  Great.  Ask a simple question.”

Aph:  “Hephaestus.  Ha-ha!  I haven’t seen the Hephster since we
were teenagers.  Class voted him worst dresser.”

I:  “Aphrodite.”

Aph:  “Hmmmm-- it’s an image thing.  Like right now, I just
scream, ‘Intelligence’-- right?”

I:  “Yeah.  Yeah-- whatever.  So, now you’re covering Athena’s
territory, huh?”

Aph:  “Nah-- tried.  This stuff gets old real fast.  They should,
like, put pictures in those things, or something.”

I:  “Hey, well, here’s an idea.  Be the goddess of love.  No
heavy reading.  Aphrodite, there’s something strange going on
here in Syllabus, and no one will tell me what it is.”

Aph:  “Syllabus?  Syllabus!  Of course!  Apollo told me all about
it.  Hephy zapped ‘em with a curse.”

I:  “And?”

Aph:  “Who remembers details?  At the time, Apollo and I were
rolling around in the back of his chariot.  [Laughs]  Uh--
judging by their clothes, I’d say Hephy zapped ‘em with a fashion

I:  “Thanks, Aphrodite.  That’s cleared things up.  Uh-- there’s
another thing.  Men and women here-- they seem to be getting
along fine.  Why is that?”

Aph:  “Do I _look_ like the oracle at Delphi?”

I:  “Boy-- wish Hercules was here.”

Aph:  “Hercules!  Of course!  My brother’s gig!  I could do that
easily.  Action-- adventure-- but first, the right outfit.
That’s key.”

I:  “What have I done?”


Iagos:  “You’ve angered-- Hephaestus.  So, laugh-- eat-- drink
wine-- because this is your last day on Earth.  And then-- you
disappear forever-- as if you never existed!”

Man’s Voice:  “Ah!  Please!”

Elder:  “If we find her-- will Hephaestus-- give us another

Iagos:  “He gives you until sunset!”


I:  “Find your child yet?”

Lea:  “No-- and that frightens me more than anything Hephaestus
might do.”

I:  “Leandra-- what’s going on?”

Lea:  “Iolaus, I warn you-- don’t get involved.”

I:  “I almost got stoned back there.  I am involved.”

Lea:  “Hephaestus has chosen me to be his wife.”

I:  “Aren’t you already married?”

Lea:  “My husband was killed two years ago, in the Punic Wars.”

I:  “Punic Wars?  My grandfather fought in those, but that was
over fifty years ago.”

Lea:  “You must be mistaken.”

Man:  “Here she is!”

I:  “Uh-- one moment.”


Lea:  “Iolaus!  Find my son!”

I:  “Leandra.”


Elder:  “For the safety of all-- we’re keeping you here until

I:  “What about Leandra?”

Elder:  “Never mind her.  We’re saving you from Hephaestus as

I:  “Oh, forget about me.  What about her little boy?”

Elder:  “There’s no sign-- anywhere, of young Skouros.”

I:  “Skouros?  That was my father’s name.”

Elder:  “He was probably playing down by the brook-- when the
village disappeared the first time.”

I:  “Wait a minute.  You mean the village disappeared?”

Man:  “For fifty years-- and now Hephaestus threatens us again.
This time-- forever.”

Elder:  “Lucky little Skouros-- probably escaped the curse.”

I:  “When my father was three years old-- they found him playing
by the brook.  He’d been abandoned.”

Man:  “Well, if it was him-- at least he had a full life.  We may
never have one.”

I:  “Then-- that means, Leandra is my-- ”

Aph:  “Pretty Herculean, huh?”

I:  “Uh-- frankly-- Herc-- never looked so-- [Clears throat]--
and, uh-- he doesn’t carry weapons, either.”

Aph:  “But I _love_ accessories-- and this matches.”

I:  “A little help here.”


Iagos [Aside to Lea]:  “Now, smile.  And play the happy
bride-to-be-- or your village disappears forever-- along with
your son.”

Heph:  “Leandra-- welcome.”

Lea:  “Thank you.”

Iagos:  “I told you how eager she was to see you.”

Heph:  “You come freely?”

Lea:  “Yes.”

Heph:  “She’s not repulsed by me.  Well done, Iagos.  Claim your

Iagos:  “Oh-- oh it’s-- only if you insist.  I-- I-I-I-I-I--
perhaps this-- shield you’re making for Perseus.”

Heph:  “When it’s finished, it’s yours.  Iagos will show you to
your room.”

Iagos:  “This way, My Lady.”


I:  “When we get in there-- ”

Aph:  “Uh-huh?”

I:  “Be alert.  Uh, keep moving.  And, uh-- Hercules and I-- we
always cover each other’s backs, OK?”

Aph:  “Do you rag Hercules all the time, too?”

I:  [Sighs]

Aph:  “Look!  There’s the entrance!  Ooh, I can’t wait to mix it

I:  “Aphrodite?”

Aph:  “Uh-huh?”

I:  “Before we go in-- um-- I think I should teach ya a few
moves-- just to see if you’re ready.”

Aph:  “OK.”

I:  “All right.  [Clears throat]  OK, try and hit me.  Uhhh!
You’re ready.”

Aph [Laughs]:  “Next.”

I:  “Listen-- um-- don’t you think it’d be-- a lot easier if you
just-- made Hephaestus fall in love with somebody else?”

Aph:  “Eat sand!”

I:  “Goddesses!”


Aph:  “Check out that statue.  Cool.”

I:  “Aphrodite-- time to mix it up.”

Aph:  “Um-- I’m not really a cat person.  Later.”

I:  “Not a cat person?”




I:  “Thanks for covering my back-- Aphrodite!  Good teeth!”


I:  “Which fork?”


I:  “Wrong fork.  Here, kitty, kitty, kitty, kitty, kitty, kitty.
Come on.  Here, kitty, kitty.  [Growls]  [Barks]  [Laughs]


Aph:  “Nice detail work.”

Heph:  “Aphrodite.”

Aph:  “Boy, is it _hot_ in here.  But I guess if you can’t stand
the heat, stay out of the forge.”

Heph:  “I haven’t seen you for centuries.  You’re even more--
beautiful than I remember.”

Aph:  “Thanks, Heph.  You, um-- haven’t changed, either.
[Chuckles]  Oh-- now-- let’s cut the small talk.  Give up the
grandmother babe, or else suffer my wrath.”

Heph:  “Never.  She wants to stay with me.”

Aph:  “Listen up.  There’s no goddess of love, anymore.  So you
don’t wanna go one-on-one with me.”

Heph:  “Don’t I?”

Aph:  “Yah!  Oh-- tsk-- you made me break a bootstrap.  There
should be, like-- hazard pay to this job, or something.  Listen,
Heph-- don’t make me repeat myself.  Give her up, or else.”

Heph:  “Or else, what?”


I:  “Bitchin’.”


Aph:  “This goes very nicely with my gauntlets, but you think
this thing can hold me?  Please.  Ah!”

Heph:  “Zues himself-- couldn’t get out of that chair.”

Aph:  “Well, it’s ideal for entertaining.  But I’m not into
bondage, OK?  Release me.”

Heph:  “Of course-- once I wed Leandra.”

Aph:  “So-- you’re kinky.  Who knew?  This isn’t exactly
drip-dry.  Can I borrow that cloth over there?”

Heph:  “No-- not that one.”

Aph [Gasps]:  “Wow-- it’s beautiful.  It’s so-- me.”

Heph:  “Even an ugly god can dream.”

Aph:  [Sighs]


Lea:  “Iolaus.”

I:  “Yeah-- he wasn’t much of a guard.  Come on.”

Lea:  “I-I can’t leave with you.  The fate of too many others
depends on me.  My son-- ”

I:  “Leandra-- I wish I didn’t have to tell you this.  But
Hephaestus has already punished Syllabus once.  What you think
happened only this morning-- happened over fifty years ago.”

Lea:  “That can’t be.”

I:  “Your boy escaped the curse-- because he was playing by the

Lea:  “I don’t believe you.”

I:  “Believe this.  Your son-- Skouros-- he was-- he’s my

Lea:  “That’s impossible.”

I:  “Here.  My father had this hanging around his neck when they
found him.  He was three years old.”

Lea:  “That’s my husband’s.  My son wears it to play soldiers.
Little Skouros-- all grown up?”

I:  “Yeah.”

Lea:  “Please, take me to him right away.”

I:  “No.  No, we haven’t got time for that. We have to get going.
Let’s get outta here.”


Aph:  “Hephy!  Um-- I always knew that you made weapons, but when
did you become such a talented artist?”

Heph:  “Don’t flatter me.  I know what people think of me.”

Aph:  “They think you’re brilliant.  I mean, this throne is
like-- amazing.  How does it work, exactly.  You know?  You’re
kinda cute from this angle.”

Heph:  “You’ll say anything to gain your freedom.  I’ll release
you-- after the vows.”

Aph:  “But you don’t really love Leandra, do you?”

Iagos:  “A dozen villagers-- came in through the tunnel-- and
took Leandra!”

Aph [Laughs]:  “A dozen?!  Like-- major liar, here.  Trust me,
there’s only one.”

Iagos:  “Why should I deceive you, master.  I-- served you
faithfully all these years.”

Aph:  “Let me guess.  Because you have no life?  Because you hate
your job?  Because-- you have a real big yen for a lot of really
cool weapons in here?  This guy reeks of bad Karma.  Can’t you
feel it?”

Iagos:  “Don’t let her looks twist you around.”

Heph:  “Are you lying to me, Aphrodite?”

Aph:  “There isn’t anything I’ve said to you that I didn’t mean?”

Iagos:  “Is-- that so?  She thinks you’re ugly, Hephaestus.  Why
don’t you ask her?  Leandra-- loves you.  If only there was some
way to get _her_ back.”

Heph:  “Take them.  Go!”


I:  “It’s all right.  We can rest here for a while.”

Lea:  “No, I wanna see my son.  Where does he live?  Is it far?
Will he even remember me?”

I:  “Leandra-- your son-- my father-- he’s dead.”

Lea:  “No.”

I:  “I’m sorry.”

Lea:  “I should never have let him out of my sight.”

I:  “Some things are meant to be.  It, uh-- it happened-- in
battle.  He became a great warrior-- a general.”

Lea:  “Like his father before him.  Sons take after their
fathers.  I’m sure you’re a reflection of him.”

I:  “In a way.  You’d have been very proud of him.”

Lea:  “If only I could be with him just once more.”

Iagos:  “_That_-- can be arranged.”

I:  “Go!  Go!  I’ll come for you!  Go!  Ow!”


Iagos:  “Kill him!”

Lea’s Voice:  “Iolaus!  Help me!”




I:  “I should ’a got a bigger stick!  Getting that old sinking
feeling, huh?  Ahhhhhh!  Ah!  Uh!  Uh!  Ahhhhhhhhhh!  OK, you
metalheads!  Ahhhhhhh!  Ahhhhhh!  Incoming!  Now _that_-- rocked.


Aph:  “Big mistake, giving that to the creepy Cretan with the
awful aura.”

Heph:  “Iagos is my friend.”

Aph:  “A guy who calls you ‘Ugly’ to your face?  Yeah-- that’s a
real bud.  Besides, it’s not true.”

Heph:  “You can stop lying.  Hera-- my own mother-- threw me out
of Olympus, because she couldn’t stand the sight ’a me.”

Aph:  “‘Horseface Hera’?  There are no mirrors in her home, and
for one good reason.  Besides, beauty’s not just what you look
like.  It’s also what you are inside.  Whoa-- that’s like--

Heph:  “Of all the Olympian gods, only _I_ am ugly.  If Zeus had
been my father, maybe my life would be different.  But you have
no idea what it’s like to be judged on your appearance alone.”

Aph:  “Oh, yes I do.  We have that in common.”

Heph:  “It’s done.  This was intended for you.  You’re free to

Aph:  “Actually-- I’m not in any hurry.”

Heph:  “Goodbye, Aphrodite.”

Aph [Sighs]:  “That’s a first.”


I:  “Leandra!”

Lea:  Screams

I:  “No!  Leandra!  Hold on!  [Screams]  OK-- ya hafta help.
That’s it.  Come on.  You all right?”

Lea:  “Yeah-- I’m fine.  Thanks.”

I:  “We’re family, right?”

Lea:  “So we are.  In one day, I lose a son and gain a grandson.
To think, if Skouros hadn’t wandered off like that, you wouldn’t
be alive.”

I:  “Yeah-- uh-- I guess, sometimes-- things really do work out
the way they’re supposed ta [sic].”

Lea:  “What courage you have.  I’m so proud of you.”

I:  “Thanks.  You think you can make it back to Syllabus on your

Lea:  “Yes?  Are you going after Iagos?”

I:  “Somebody has to.”

Lea:  “Please be careful.”

I:  “Yeah.”


Aph:  “Not happy with the decor?  Hey, I think this place

Heph:  “You’re still here.”

Aph:  “Yeah, I cleared my afternoon schedule.  Tell me one
thing-- why Leandra?”

Heph:  “A pale imitation, but-- she reminded me of you.  When
Iagos returns with her, I’ll send her back to the village.
Syllabus is free.  That’s what you wanted to hear from me, isn’t

Aph:  “No.  What I want-- is the answer to my question.  Do you
love me?”

Heph:  “For centuries.”


I:  “OK-- this can be easy-- or it can be hard.  You choose.”

Iagos:  “I already have.”


Iagos [Laughs]:  “Not there.  Over here.”

I:  “Yah!”

Iagos:  “Very good-- but how long will your luck hold out?
[Laughs]  A room full of weapons fit for the gods-- and you
choose a broom.”

I:  “Yeah.  Well-- I don’t wanna-- kill you, Iagos.”

Iagos:  “Then you’re unlucky _and_ foolish-- not even worth my
energy.  I’m leaving.”

I:  “Yah.”

Iagos:  “I lied.  [Laughs]  Which side of the sword am I on?
You’re trying to remember if I’m-- right-handed or--
left-handed.”  [Laughs]

I:  “Yah!  That’d be left-handed.”

Iagos:  “Kill him, now!”

I:  “Here we go, again.”

Iagos:  [Screams]

I:  “What a waste.”


Heph:  “You trapped my panther-- bested my shield-- and defeated
my armored warriors.”

I:  “Guess I was on a roll.  Where’s Aphrodite?”

Heph:  “You brought her to me.  And for that, I-I’ll be forever

Aph:  “Me, too.  [Chuckles]  Sorry I didn’t cover your back with
those moves you showed me-- I was busy showing Hephy here some
moves of my own.”

Heph:  “’Dite-- please.”

I:  “’Dite?”

Aph:  “The god of fire.  It only takes one _little_ spark to
start an awesome flame.”

I:  “So-- things are back to normal between men and women,

Aph:  “Totally.  I decided to leave the action business up to my
big brother, Hercules.”

I:  “That’s a relief.  Well, I’m gonna go an’-- say goodbye to my

Heph:  “Remember-- if you or Hercules ever need any weapons-- ”

Aph:  “Hercules doesn’t do weapons.  Oh, Sweet Cheeks-- I already
got a petition from some babe in Parthea.”

I:  “Evanthea-- huh.  She wants to see me again.”

Aph:  “Go, and make somebody happy.”

I:  “Yeah.”

Aph:  “Or don’t you and Hercules do _that_, either.”

I and Aph:  [Laugh]


Click here to return to the HTLJ LOVE TAKES A HOLIDAY page.

Guide Table of ContentsBack to Whoosh!