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Edition Take a Journey Through Tartarus!


“Not Fade Away”  Episode 42/305


I:  “There it is, Hercules-- Thebes.”

H:  “Yeah.  Why do hometowns always look smaller than you
remember them?”

I:  “Yeah.  Where are Jason and Alcmene meeting us?”

H:  “Out by the old homestead.  It’ll be good to see them again.”

I:  “Yeah.  Whoa!  Great-- Hera’s welcome.”

H:  “That lightning wasn’t meant for us.  Come on.”


Men’s Voices:  “It’s useless!  The fire is more than we can
handle!”  “Watch the roof!”  “It’s spreading!  More water!”  “Get
more water over here!”

H:  “Need a hand?!”

Man:  “Hercules!  Thank the gods!  All our supplies are in that
barn!  If they burn, it’s done!  Keep those buckets coming!”

I:  “Herc!  We’re never gonna get enough water to put this fire

H:  “Watch out!”

I:  “Everyone!  Get back!”

Man’s Voice:  “Quickly!  It’s spreading!”

H:  “Hurry back!”

Men’s Voices:  “I’ve got a bucket!”  “Save what you can!”

Woman’s Voice:  “Help!”

Man:  “What’s he doing?!”

I:  “Ah-- improvising in the face of disaster!  ’K!  Come on!
Get out!  Get back!  Come on!  Get back!”

H:  “Ah-h-h-h-h-h-h-h!”

I:  “Get back!  come on!”

H:  “Ah-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h!  Uh!”

Woman’s Voice:  “Check over there!”

Man:  “Iolaus.”

I:  “Hey!”


1st Man:  “You can leave us in here as long as you want!  We
still won’t worship Hera!  We’re not gonna pay her a tithing,
either!  And if you don’t like that-- you can take it up with

Enforcer II [Enf II]:  “Your villages will worship Hera-- or

1st Man:  “Well, then you better kill us-- whatever you are.”

Perdeus:  [Screams]

Enf II:  “Now-- where is Hercules?  Stop!  I’m not going to kill
you.  I want you to spread the word about _me_.  Now, _bow_ down
to Hera-- and prepare for a world in which Hercules lies rotting
in his grave!”  [Laughs]



Vytos [Vyt]:  “You couldn’t have arrived at a better time,
Hercules.  You sticking around for a while?”

H:  “I’m not sure, Vytos.”

Vyt:  “Well, the village still has a potluck dinner in your honor
[?].  Come join us.”

H:  “We’ll see.”

Man’s Voice:  “We’re lucky the whole town didn’t go up.”

Woman’s Voice:  “Thanks to Hercules.”

I:  “You know, uh-- fire’s out.”

H:  “Look at these people.  There’s such-- a strength in this
community-- everything that’s good and decent-- and Hera can wipe
it all out with a single act of vengeance.” 

I:  “How long has it been?”

H:  “Almost two years.”

Man’s Voice:  “Careful.”

Woman’s Voice:  “Wait for me!”

H:  “I’ve only visited their graves once since I buried them.
That’s not right.”

Child’s Voice:  “I’ll help, Mom!”

I:  “Yeah-- beating yourself up about it isn’t right, either.
You know, um-- you can’t-- live in the past.”

H:  “Hmm.  I don’t want to.  I just don’t wanna lose it.  That’s

I:  “Well-- look, why don’t you go ahead?  Take some time.
I’ll-- catch up later.”

H:  “Think I will.”


H:  “I wish I had been here to take better care of you.  From the
day we met-- that’s all I ever wanted.  It’s hard to be reminded
that I can’t do it anymore.  [Sighs]  I guess that’s why it’s
taken me so long to come back.  Ah-- I’m afraid to admit this,
but sometimes I feel like-- without you, I don’t know why I keep
on fighting.  Oh, I know what you’d say.  You’d say I did a-- a
great thing, today, helping to save all those people.  But
tomorrow-- Hera’s just gonna destroy something else-- and the day
after that.  Things just-- seemed to make more sense when I had
you and the children to hold.  I miss you, Deianeira.  Yeah.”

Jason [Ja]:  “Hercules!  There he is.”

Alcmene [Alc]:  “Hercules?!”

H:  “Hi, Mother.”

Alc:  “Oh, Hercules!”

H:  “Your flowers!”

Ja:  “Hercules-- good to see you.”

H:  “Good to see you.”

Ja [Interrupts]:  “Where’s Iolaus?”

H:  “Oh, he’s--back at the town.  He’ll join us later.”

Alc:  “Oh, come on.  I wanna show you something.”

H:  “OK.”


Vyt:  “Iolaus-- if it weren’t for you and Hercules-- I’d be
standing in a pile of ashes about now.”

Man’s Voice:  “Good to see you.”

I:  “So, what does Hera got against you?”

Vyt:  “Well, this village and all the neighboring ones-- we
haven’t been keeping up her temple.  It’s persecution.”

I:  “Wow, that’s-- 

Temple Man [Interrupts]:  “Vytos!  Vytos!  Vytos!  She’s
terrible!  Terrible!”

I:  “Hey, hey, hey.  Take it easy, friend.”

Temple Man:  “No, you don’t understand.  She’s deadly!  Worse
that I ever seen!  At the Hera temple.”

I:  “She?”

Temple Man:  “Perdeus, from the next village?  He hit her from
behind with a sword-- split her like a melon, he did.  Fire _shot
out_ from her insides, and she just-- pulled herself back
together.  Said she was-- was-- ”

I:  “What?  What did she say?”

Perdeus:  “Said she was gonna-- kill-- Hercules.”

I:  “I gotta warn him.”


H [Laughs]:  “It was over there, Mother.”


Enf II:  [Laughs]


I:  “Ah-h-h!  Uh!”

Enf II:  “Tell me where Hercules is.”

I:  “Never!  Ah-h-h-h!  Ah-h-h-h!  Ih-h!  Ah-h-h-h-h-h-h-h!”

Enf II:  “Last chance, little man.  Where’s Hercules?!”

I:  “OK.  OK.  I’ll tell ya.  Ya-- just hafta-- come a little

Enf II:  “Eat dirt.”  [Laughs]


H:  “This is where I taught the kids to swim.  Hmm.  Ilea took to
the water like a mermaid.”

Alc:  “This will always be your home, no matter where you

H:  “Hmm.”

Ja:  “Maybe you’re getting ready to settle down again.”

H:  “Aren’t you the same man that taught me to chase adventure no
matter where it led me?”

Ja [Chuckles]:  “And I meant it-- but it sounds like you’ve
forgotten a more important lesson.”

H:  “Really-- and what’s that?”

Ja:  “Well, a warrior can find greater comfort in his own home.”

H:  “Aw-w-- I haven’t forgotten, Jason.  It’s just that, that
kind of life seems so far away, now.”

Alc:  “Do you-- think you could ever let yourself have that
chance again?”

H:  “Mother-- I ask myself that same question every day.”

I:  “Hercules!”

H:  “Iolaus?”

Alc:  “Oh!”

H:  “Iolaus-- what happened?”

I:  “Uh-- there’s-- another enforcer-- at Hera’s temple-- worse
than before.  She’s-- she’s after you.”

H:  “Iolaus.  Iolaus.  Come on, Iolaus!  Come on!  Uh!”

Ja:  “Hercules-- he’s dead.”

H:  “No.



Alc:  “I’m so sorry.”

Ja:  “He was a brave warrior.  He put off dying so he could warn

H:  “No-- I’m not gonna let him die.  Hades!  I know you can hear
me!  Where are you?!  Hades!  Hades!  Hades!  Hade-e-e-e-es!”


H:  “Hades!  Hades!  Where are you?!”

I:  “Blah!  Duh!  Oh!  Dah!  Ooh!  Ooh!  Wha-- ?!  Why were you
carrying me?”

H:  [Sighs]

I:  “Wait a minute.  Where are we?”

H:  “The other side.”

I:  “Other side of what?  You’re dead?!  I’m dead?”

H [Whispers]:  “Yeah.”

I:  “Toast.”

H [Whispers]:  “Yeah.”

I:  “Oh-h-h-h-h-h!  I can’t _believe_ that!”

Hades:  “You better believe it.”

Persephone [Per]:  “Show a little consideration, Hades.  Iolaus
has had a rough day.”

I:  “_That’s_ Hades?!”

H:  “Iolaus isn’t staying here, Hades.  Do I make myself clear?”

Hades:  “Well, considering the condition he was in when he left
Earth, which-- if I must remind you, was _dead_-- I don’t see he
has any other choice.  But, don’t worry-- he’ll be going to the
Elysian Fields.”

H:  “No, no, no.  My wife and children are the ones who didn’t
have any other choice.”

Hades:  “Hercules, please-- think of the precedent I’ll be
setting.  I can’t!”

H [Interrupts]:  “Think of the precedent _I_ set-- when I
convinced Demeter to let Persephone stay down here with you.”

Hades:  [Sighs]

Per:  “Hercules is right.  He’s the reason you and I are here

Hades:  “Yeah, but only six months of the year.”

Per:  “If you’re not nice to him, it’s gonna be _no_ months a

Hades:  “But-but-but, Sweet pea, Iolaus is practically permanent
invent’ry [sic] right now.”

Per:  “That’s not true.  You know how badly things are backed up
after the earthquake in Thracia.  You’re buried in paperwork--
overbooked-- and this new enforcer is just gonna make things even
worse.  Besides-- you did promise me a little quality time.”

Hades:  “We were supposed to go on vacation last week.”

H:  “Well?”

Hades:  “Mmm, OK, OK, OK.  If you want Iolaus back-- you’re gonna
have to defeat Hera’s latest homicidal freak.  But there are

H:  “What conditions?”

Hades:  “Firstly, you have to do it by sunset.”

H:  “Why sunset?”

Hades:  “Well, those are just the rules.  And, second-- walk with
me.  I’ll explain.  Just Hercules.”

H [Sighs]:  “Who makes these rules?”


H:  “Make it quick.  I’ve got a deadline, remember?”

Hades:  “Keep your hair on.  I’m tryin’ to find a way to-- tell
ya that there’s no way you can win on your own, this time.”

H:  “I’ve bean everything else Hera’s thrown at me.”

Hades:  “Yeah, well you’ve never gone up against anything like

H:  “She can’t be tougher than the enforcer.”

Enf I:  “She is.  Trust me.”

Hades:  “No need to be reacquainted, I see.”

H:  “What is she doing here?  She’s not even human!”

Hades:  “Yeah, well-- Charon’s been-- slipping up a little bit
lately, and he brought her here.  Persephone can’t stand her--
always following us around like a guard dog-- and I mean
_everywhere_.  It’s putting a real cramp on our love life.  Quite
frankly, I haven’t been able to figure out what to do with her--

H:  “I can think of a few things.”

Hades:  “-- until now.  You’re gonna need some help-- ”

H:  “Oh, no, no, no.  Not on your life!”

Hades:  “What about Iolaus’?”

H:  “Hades-- she was put on this Earth for the sole purpose of
_destroying_ me!”

Hades:  “Because she had no soul.  Now she needs one.  If she
does a good deed up there, then I’ll know what to do with her
down here.”

H:  “And if she screws up?”

Hades:  [Sighs]

H:  “Don’t do this to me, Hades.”


Alc:  “Hercules?!”

Ja:  “What happened?!”

Alc:  “Where’s Iolaus?!”

H [Sighs]:  “With Hades.  I’ve-- got till sunset to save him.”

Ja’s Voice:  “Get behind me, Alcmene.”

H:  “No, it’s all right.  It’s all right.  She’s with me.”

Alc:  “D’you have to help everyone?”

Enf I:  “It’s good to be back.”


I:  “Huh-- hard to get a tan down here, huh?”

Per:  “Don’t be so blue, Iolaus.  You’ll like it.  I just know
you will.”

I:  “Those guys don’t seem too crazy about it.”

Per:  “That’s because they’re doomed to stay in the Asphodel
Caverns for all eternity.  They’re the fallen generals-- and all
they can talk about is battles and strategy and weapons.  Nobody
wants to listen to them, so-- Iolaus?”

Skouros [Sko]:  “Well, well.  What are you doing here, boy?”

I:  “Hello to you, too-- Dad.”


Alc:  “Hercules-- where are we going?”

H:  “I know a place where you’ll be safe until I get back.”

Ja:  “Sofia Caves?”

H:  “You got it.”

Alc:  “So, how long have Hercules and you been friends?”

Enf I:  “Friends?”

Alc:  “That’s what I thought.  Hercules!”

H:  “Don’t ask, Mother.”


Alc:  “Your friend’s not much of a conversationalist, Hercules.”

Ja:  “Oh, they say, ‘Still waters run deep.’”

H:  “I’m not sure that applies in her case.”


Ja:  “So, this new enforcer-- what do you think Hera’s

H:  “I don’t know.  But she could be carved in stone and be
better company than this one.”

Alc:  “Uh-- uh, sh-she’s-- uh, Hera’s enforcer?”

H:  “Yeah.”

Alc:  “Sh-she’s-she’s going with you?”

H:  “I’m afraid so.”

Alc:  “Oo-- ca-can-can you trust her?”

H:  “Uh, nope-- but I don’t have a choice.  Don’t worry.  I’ll be

Enf I:  “Trouble.”

H’s Voice:  “Split up!”

Enf II:  [Laughs]

Alc:  “Jason!  What’s she doing?!”

H:  “Great.”



H:  “Mother!  Jason!”

Ja:  “We’re all right, Hercules!”

Alc:  “No, we’re not!  Get us out of here!”

H:  “Oh!  That’s hot.


H’s Voice:  “She’s sealing us in.”

H:  “Great.”


Enf II:  “Signed!  Sealed!  Delivered!  For you, Hera!”  [Laughs]


H:  “Got any bright ideas?  Huh-- that’s what I thought.”

Alc:  Jason!  You’re leg!  Get it out!”

H:  “Knife.  Jason!  Throw me your knife!”

Alc:  “Knife?!  Why does he want knife?!”

Ja:  “Don’t ask.”

H:  “How quickly can you heal yourself?”

Enf I:  “Do it!”

H:  “Are you sure?”

Enf I:  “Now!”

Alc:  “How’d she-- ?”  [Gasps]

H:  “Jason!  Mother!  Go!”

Ja:  “That way!”

H:  “Leave this to me.  Ah-h-h!  Uh!  Uh!  Uh!”

Alc:  “Oh!  Oh!  Oh!”

H:  “Is everyone OK?”

Alc:  “Oh-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho!”

Enf I:  “She is also made of water?”

Ja:  “Hmm?  Oh, no, no.  Sometimes, people cry when they’re--

Enf I:  “You are not-- happy-- ”

Ja:  “Oh, yes.  Yes, I am.”

Enf I:  “I do not understand.”

H:  “Buy you a drink?”


[Fighting and Mayhem]

Men’s Voices:  “It’s Hera’s death squad!  Come to kill us!”
“Run!  Run!”

Woman’s Voice:  “Where’s my children!  I have to _save_ them!”

Man’s Voice:  “Don’t let them escape!”

A Man:  “Ah-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h!”

Enf II:  “This is just the start-- now that Hercules is dead!
There will be no more backsliding in worship-- and no one to
stand in our way.  Soon-- the entire province will be ours.  And
then-- all of Greece.  For-- Hera!”  [Laughs]

Squad:  “Hera!  Hera!  Hera!  Hera!”


Sko:  “Well, I hope you were man enough to go down fighting.”

I:  “Yeah-- I was.”

Sko:  “Good, good!  A chip off the old block, huh?  Well, you’ll
have to straighten out some of these muttonheads I’ve been
swapping yarns with.  They don’t seem to understand the
importance of my pincer moverment at the battle of Hellespont.
And they were generals, too, just like me.  Can _you_ believe
that?!  Come on, boy-- check it out for yourself!”

I:  “Firstly-- my name is not, ‘Boy’.  It’s ‘Iolaus’.”

Sko:  “Oh-h, a little peevish, are we?  Yeah?  Well, gettin’
killed _can_ do that to a man.”

I:  “And secondly-- don’t you wanna what happened to Mother?”

Sko:  “You know?  I-I don’t think about her much.”

I:  “Did you ever?”

Sko:  “Watch your tongue, boy!  I’m still your commanding

I:  “No, you’re not!  You’re a coward-- who deserted his wife and

Sko:  “Grow up, boy!  There were wars to be fought!  And I
protected your right to be a _crybaby_ in all of them!”

I:  “Ya know what?  I think Mother really was the lucky one.  She
didn’t know it back then when you left her, but she does now.
She married a poet-- and she has never been happier.”  

Sko:  “A poet?!  Haah!”

I:  “So you go back-- and you tell _all_ your friends about the
_slaughters_ you’ve seen!  Have a nice afterlife-- Dad.”

Sko:  “No-- I don’t think I will-- not now.  Poet.”


H:  “This is the shortest way home.  Keep your eyes open.  How’s
the leg, Jason?”

Ja:  “Don’t worry about me.”

Alc:  “Is it all right if I worry about you?”

Ja:  “You, you’re allowed.”

H:  “She’s close.”

Ja:  “Yeah, real close.”

H:  “Keep an eye on Mother and Jason!”

Alc:  “I don’t need a nursemaid!”


Enf II:  “Still alive?”

H:  “Last time I checked.”

Enf II:  “You are lucky, son of Zeus.”

H:  “That’s my middle name.”

Ja:  “I owed you that one.  Take cover!”

Alc:  “Ahhhhhh!  Ah!  Ah!”

H:  “Jason!  Where’s Mother?!”

Ja:  “She must have taken cover.  I’ll find her.”


Enf II:  “Stay!  Gr-r-r-r-r-r-r!”

Enf I:  “Let her go.”

Alc:  “Oh!  Oh!  Oh.”

[Enf’s fight]

Enf II:  “Ooh.  I’m scared, now.”

Enf I:  “You should be.”

Enf II:  “Ah-h-h-h!  Stay!”

Enf I:  “Run.  Now.”

Alc:  “Thank you.  Oh.”


H:  “Mother!  You all right?!”

Alc:  “I’m OK!  Jason!”


[Enf’s fight]

Enf II:  “Ah-h-h!”

Enf I:  “Lost your grip?”

Enf II [Laughs]:  “When you’re hot, you’re hot.  Ooh, you’re
steamin’, now.”  [Laughs]


H:  “You all right?”

Alc:  “You have to help the enforcer.  She helped me escape.”

Enf’s Voice:  “A-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h!”

H:  “You wait here!”


Enf I:  “I’m sorry.”

H:  “No-- I was wrong.  You helped save my mother’s life.  For
that, I will-- always be your friend.”

Enf I:  “Friend?”

H:  “It’s-- somebody who-- cares about you.”

Enf I:  “Happy.”



Alc:  “What happens to the enforcer, now that she’s dead?”

H:  “I don’t know.  Hades hasn’t made that decision.  [Sighs]  I
better get going.  If I don’t end this by sundown, I’ll lose

Alc:  “Not by yourself.”

Ja:  “Just give me a couple of minutes.  I’ll be good as new.”

H:  “Stay here.  You’ll be safe.”

Ja:  “Yeah, but you’re going up against somebody that nobody can
defeat alone.”

Alc:  “Listen to him, please, Hercules.  There’s been enough
tragedy for one day.”

H:  “I’ve never backed away from Hera, before.  I’m not about to
start now.”


Hades:  “I can’t believe this guy-- moping about like-- his pet
parakeet just flew away.”

Per:  “Hades?  Sometimes, you are such a jerk.”

Hades:  “What?!  What did I say?!”

Per:  “Everything, except for what you should have.  He’s
thinking about his father?  Are you OK?”

I:  “Yeah, yeah.  I, uh-- is he so different from me?  I mean-- I
feel like I’ve been blaming him for all my mistakes, like he
could’ve prevented me from making them.  He’s human, isn’t he?
Got his strengths-- his weakness-- boy, does he have weaknesses.
I just think-- ”

Sko:  “I lied to you.  I want you to know that.  I thought about
your mother and you kids _every_ day after I walked out, but I--
I just couldn’t go back.  I-- I was too ashamed-- frightened.”

I:  “I’m sorry you felt that way.  And-- I’m-- sorry I felt the
way I did.”

Sko:  “It was no more than I deserved   Well, I-- I’d better get
back.  They-- count on me to keep them in line.”

Hades:  “Is, uh-- that-- what you really want?”

Sko:  “Well, no, to tell you the truth.  Military strategy’s
about as interesting to me as boiled fish, but I don’t know how
else to-- fill in my time.”

Hades:  “Then, uh-- maybe you don’t belong there, anymore.  You
think you could-- get by in-- the Elysian Fields?”

Sko:  “Aw, reporting for duty, sir!  You comin’ along?”

I:  “Ah, no-- no thanks.  I, uh-- I’m just stubborn enough to
believe that-- Hercules’ll save me.”

Sko:  “Stubborn, huh?  Wonder where you pickked that up.  Oh,
well-- have it your way-- boy.”

Hades:  “Well-- there it is, then.”



Enf II [Laughs]:  “It hurts-- doesn’t it?”

H:  “Let’s get this over with.”

Enf II:  “Good.  I’m gonna enjoy tearing you apart.”

H:  “She’s good.  A-h-h-h!  A-h-h-h!  A-h-h!”

Enf:  “Ah-h-h-h!  Ah-h-h-h-h!  Ah-h-h-h--h-h!  Ah-h-h-h-h-h-h!
What’s the matter, Hercy?  Can’t take the heat?  Ha-ha-ha.  This
is just the start.”

H:  “I’m lookin’ forward to it.”

Enf  II:  [Yells, then laughs, then screams]

H:  “Play with fire-- you get burned.  Whew.  Iolaus.”


I:  “Herc!  Herc, you did it!  Ha-ha!  I knew you would!”

H:  “I-- I wish I’d been as sure of it as you were.”

I:  “Oh, come on!  There was never any doubt?!  Was there?”

H:  “Uh-h-h-- ”

I [Laughs]:  “Hey-- guess who I met down here.”

Hades:  “Don’t make him guess.  It’s time for show-and-tell, boys
and girls.”

Per:  “Oh, Hades, you’re so sweet.”

Hades:  “I’m the king of sweetness, my dear.  Watch.”

I:  “Hey, hey!  What’s she doin’ with my dad?”

H:  “Going to the Elysian Fields-- ”

I:  “What?!”

H:  “Oh-- don’t worry.  She-- she deserves it.”

I:  “Oh.  Well, I guess he does, too.  You know?  It’s funny.  He
turned out to be a nicer guy than I thought.  First time I’ve
ever felt good about my family.  You know?  Hercules, you’re,
uh-- you’re _here_. You could-- you could see yours.”

Hades:  “I can open a window to their world.”

H:  “A-a-ah-- thanks for the offer, Hades, but I-- know a place
where I can go and do more than just-- look at them.”


H:  “If I could bring you back too, I would.  But I can’t.  All I
can promise is that they’ll never take this corner of the Earth
we call our home.  It’s where our memories dwell.  And maybe,
memories-- are enough-- because just thinking about you-- makes
you come alive for me again.  And that’s a reason to keep going,
isn’t it?  Our love-- will live forever.”


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