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“Long Live the King”  Episode 48/311


H:  “I’ve been looking all over for you, Iolaus.  If we’re gonna
make it to my mother’s by sundown, we better get going.  Come on.
Iolaus?  Are you all right?”

I:  “I got a message from Hector.”

H:  “And Hector would be?”

I:  “He’s the aide to my cousin.  You know-- the one’s that a

H:  “Oh, yeah-- King Orestes-- and Queen-- Niobe.  Yeah-- are
they-- doing well?”

I:  “Yes and no.”

H:  “OK.  Why don’t we start with the ‘Yes’ part first?”

I:  “They’ve come up with a scheme to bring peace to all the
kingdoms in the area.”

H:  “Peace is good.”

I:  “But now they’re going on to Garantis to talk to-- King

H:  “Ah, this is where the “No” part comes in.”

I:  “Yeah-- he’s been the cause of all the trouble, lately.”

H:  “Orestes must be aware of all this.  I’m sure he’s taken
precautions-- security-- backup.”

I:  “Hector and Linus.”

H:  “Two people-- that’s it?”

I:  “Yeah-- that’s what the message is about.  Hector thinks
Xenon is gonna try and pull something.”  [Sighs]

H:  “Uh-- this is about something else, isn’t it?”

I:  “Yeah.  Yeah, it is.”

H:  “Niobe.”

I:  “Niobe.”

H:  “Uh-- Iolaus, you’re both adults.  I mean, I’m-- sure you can
handle it.”

I:  “Well, that’s just it, Hercules.  I-- I don’t know if I can.”

H:  “Iolaus-- I-I know how you feel about her.  And I know-- it
won’t be easy to face somebody that you love and-- can’t have.
But if something did happen to her-- or to your cousin-- could
you live with that?”

I:  “Yeah, you’re right.  I-- I couldn’t live with that.”

H:  “Then you should go.  You want me to come with?”

I:  “I think I should do this by myself.”

H:  OK.”


Driver:  “Come on!”

Man’s Voice:  “Come on.  Move it out of there.”

Niobe:  “Forgive me, Orestes-- but the changes you’ve made in our
proposal make you seem-- naive.”

Orestes [Ore]:  “It’s naive to trust.”

Niobe:  “No-- but I don’t think trust is enough.”

Ore:  “Then what is the point?  What is the sense in having a
league of kingdoms?  Peace takes trust.”

Niobe:  “It also takes enforcement-- paying a price for breaking
the peace.  Men like Xenon and Phaedron-- they’re soldiers.
That’s all they understand.”

Ore:  “But it’s not all _I_ understand.  I know these men as well
as you do, Niobe.”

Niobe:  “Then why did you take the toughness out of what I

Ore:  “Because you don’t tame a lion by provoking it!  I know
what I’m doing.”


Man:  “Good day.”

Woman:  “Ah!”

Choleus:  “You’ll be sorry!”

Woman:  “Ah!”

Choleus:  “Come on!”

Woman:  “Leave me alone!  Please!  Somebody help me!”

I:  “Hey!  Hey!  You heard her!”


Choleus:  “Uh!”

I:  “Leave her alone!  Hi.  Ah!  Well-- guess you guys aren’t cut
out for this, huh?”

Woman:  [Laughs]

Cletus:  “You’re scrappier than I thought, King Orestes.  I think
I’ll have ta [sic] up the ransom-- to make up for all of my pain
and suffering.  Sad excuse for royalty-- ain’t he?”



Choleus:  “Now, let me see.  Does ‘Assassinate’ have two esses or

I:  “Guys-- I’m not who you think I am.  I’m not King Orestes.”

Choleus:  “Yeah, right!  And I’m not Choleus!  And-- he’s not

Cletus:  “Fool!  You told him our names!  Hey!”


Cletus:  “Get him!”

Choleus:  “No, you get him!”

I:  “You guys-- should work-- on your people skills.  I haven’t
got time for this.”


Men’s Voices:  “Straight over here!”  “That’s great!”


Xenon [Xe]:  “How many horizons does it take to make a world?”

Boron [Bor]:  “I don’t know, King Xenon-- two?”

Xe:  “I want all the horizons, Boron.  I want the world.  Why
would the gods have put such thoughts in my head, were they not
approving the consequences?  Have you made the final

Bor:  “At the first dark of the sun-- ”

Xe:  “Excellent.  Orestes is a stupid man.  This league of
kingdoms idea can’t be his.  It’s too creative.  It’s got to be


Driver:  “Yah.”


Ore:  “Our common enemies-- feed on the conflict between us.  We
must unite as allies.  All peace requires-- is trust.”

Xe:  “Then what says his beautiful queen?”

Niobe:  “My husband and I share the same objectives, your

Xe:  “And I share them, too-- but a mere scroll of parchment
seems a-- a flimsy battlement from which to ensure and protect
this peace-- don’t you think?

Niobe:  “It’s never-- for me to answer for my king.”

Xe:  “It’s a unique idea.  I’ll consider it.  And meantime, I
have a surprise.  Tomorrow is the feast of the dark sun.  We
shall be stalking the great stag deer of Garantis-- and I look
forward to you joining us on the hunt.”

Hector [Hec]:  “Be careful, Sire.  This could be a trap.”

Xe:  “Is there a problem?”

Ore:  “No.  No-- absolutely not.  I would be honored.”

Hec:  “We will, of course, be joining our king on this hunt.”

Xe:  “Oh, only royalty participate-- tradition, you know.”

Niobe:  “Does this invitation extend to me?”

Xe:  “Does the queen enjoy the hunt?”

Ore:  “Niobe-- is one of the finest archers in our kingdom.”

Xe:  “Really?  I’m impressed.  But hunting the stag is, uh-- it’s
a guy thing.”


Niobe:  “Can’t you see what Xenon is doing?  You could be in
grave danger.”

Ore:  “It’s a hunt-- nothing more.”

Niobe:  “Accidents happen on hunts-- fatal accidents.”

Ore:  “So, now you’re worried about me.  Well-- I’m touched.”

Niobe:  “That’s not fair, Orestes.  You’ve always had my respect
and my loyalty.”

Ore:  “What about your passion, Niobe?  Will I ever have that?”

Xe:  “Hmm.”  [Chuckles]


Men’s Voices:  “He said, ‘It’s not a secret sign-- I just spilled
some wine!’”  [Laughter]  “He spilled some wine.”  “He spilled
some wine.”


Woman’s Voice:  “Wait for me, sir!”

I:  “Hmm.”

Soldiers:  “This is the second time this week I worked the late
shift.”  “It’s because of King Orestes’ visit.”  “King Orestes?”

I/Ore:  “Hi.”

Soldier:  “What are you doing in this part of the castle?  Why
are you wearing those clothes?”

Concubine:  “Ohhh.  Mmmmm.  Hummmm.”

Soldier:  “Huh?”

I/Ore:  “Um-- not a word of this-- to anyone.”

Soldier:  “No, Sire!  I mean, yes, Sire!”

I/Ore:  “Off you go.  [Sighs]  Go, go.”


Linus:  “Do you think Iolaus got the message?”

Hec:  “If he’d gotten it, he’d be here.”

Linus:  “Unless he chose not to help us.”

Hec:  “Refuse to help?  That’s not Iolaus.”

I:  “Oh!  Excuse me!”

Hec:  “That’s Iolaus!  Hey!”

I:  “Hector!  Linus!  Good to see somebody I know!”

Linus:  “We were just talkin’ aboutcha!”

Hec:  “How are you?”

I:  “Well, I’m fine.  You know, beat-- you know-- a long journey.
So-- how’s Cousin Orestes?  What?!”

Hec:  “Well-- King Xenon is taking Orestes on a-- a hunt tomorrow

I:  “Yeah, but-- you’ll be there to watch his back, right?”

Linus:  “There’ll be no one there to watch his back-- or his
front.  Xenon talked him into going alone.”

I [Sighs]:  “I gotta talk to Orestes-- _now_.”


Niobe:  “I’m going to bed.”

Ore:  “Fine.”

I:  “You don’t write!  You don’t send messengers!”

Ore:  “Iolaus.”

Niobe:  “Iolaus!”

Ore:  “What brings you here, Cousin?”

I:  “The same thing that brings you here-- your peace plan.
Hector-- thinks your life may be in danger.”

Ore:  “I know-- you’re doing this-- for my welfare-- and I
appreciate it.  But I’m a king!  I’m not a frightened rabbit!
I’m going to go on this hunt-- alone.”

Niobe:  “But Orest-- ”

I [Whispers]:  “It’s all right.”


Men’s Voices:  “Keep an eye out for that stag!”  “I’ll look over
here on the left!”  “I’ll go with him!”  “You seen anything yet?”
“Not here.”


Ore:  “Ah.”

Man’s Voice [In Background]:  “Hey!  I see it!”

Xe:  “Oh-- very finely crafted, Orestes.  Oh, yes.”

Ore:  “Thank you.  They were a gift from my father.  No others
like them.”

Man:  “Your Highness!  The stag’s been spotted coming this way!”

Xe:  “Excellent-- the darkening of the sun will soon be upon us.
Good hunting, Orestes.”

I:  “Orestes!  Behind you!”

Ore:  “Ooh!”

Man:  “Uh!”

I:  “Orestes!  Orestes-- hold on.  I’ll take you back.”

Ore:  “No-- it’s pointless.”

I:  “Don’t say that.  Come on-- be strong.”

Ore:  “Cousin-- be the king.  Make my plan succeed.”

I:  “Yeah-- sure, sure.  It’s not important, now.”

Ore:  “Iolaus-- I gave my life for it.”



Xe:  “Orestes.”

I/Ore:  “Hi.”

Xe:  “You OK?”

I/Ore:  “Uh-- yeah.  Uh-- nature called.  Actually, it was
screaming.  Heh-heh.  [Sighs]  Somethin’ wrong?”

Xe:  “I thought I heard a noise.”

I/Ore:  “Yeah, yeah!  I heard that, too!  Somebody bagged the

Xe:  “No, not yet.”

I/Ore:  “Well-- let’s get to it.  Hey-- tell you what-- you like
my fancy arrows.  One of mine against one of yours-- says _I_ get
the stag.”

Xe:  “You’re on-- it’s a bet.”

I/Ore:  “Good.  Right.”


Men’s Voices:  “Make way for the kings!”  “Good hunt, Sire!”
“Quite a stag!”  “Oh-- enough to eat for a week.”

Xe:  “Orestes-- thank you.  Pleasure beating you, Orestes.”


Assassin [Ass]:  “Phew!  For a moment there, I thought-- who
cares what I thought?  Results, right?  That’s what counts.  Aw--
you should have seen it, your Highness-- perfect aim-- perfect
shot-- [Makes sound of arrow shooting, hitting man, and man
falling]-- deader ’n moat water.”  [Laughter]

Xe:  “In the pit!”

Ass:  “The pit?!  You’re throwin’ me in the pit?!”

Xe:  “Only out of the goodness of my heart.”

Ass:  “But what for?!  I did my job!  I killed him!”

Xe:  “Oh, really?  Then who’s the man who came back from the
hunt?  Who gave me one of his arrows?  Who looked-- breathed--
walked-- and talked-- exactly like Orestes?!”

Ass:  “I don’t know!  There was another guy there!  Maybe he
could tell you!”

Xe:  “Another guy?”

Ass:  “I-I didn’t get a good look at him!  Must have been his
bodyguard!  He killed my partner!”

Xe:  “Orestes had a man with him-- and against the rules.  I’m

Ass:  “I’m telling ya I killed him!  I really, really did!  OK!
Look!  I’ll-- I’ll give ya a freebie!  Two killings for the price
of one!  I-if he’s not dead!  I’ll-I’ll kill him again!  Oh-oh!
Nice doggie!”

Xe:  “I have an idea.  Release him!”


Linus:  “Until I see you in Attica-- long live the king.”

Hec:  “Yes-- long live the king.”

Niobe:  “Goodbye, my king.”

Hec:  “I know this might not be the best time to talk about this,
but-- are you going to continue-- as King Orestes?”

I:  “I don’t know if I can.”

Hec:  “You already have.  If Xenon suspected anything-- we’d all
be dead by now.  He _believes_ you are Orestes.”

I:  “I’m not worried about Xenon.”

Niobe:  “Hector-- would you leave us, please?”

Hec:  “I’ll be in my quarters.”

Niobe:  “You mustn’t feel you let Orestes down.”

I:  “I don’t.  Well-- I do, but I don’t.  It goes deeper.”

Niobe:  “I know that.”

I:  “Do you?”

Niobe:  “In the last night we spent together-- my husband asked
for my passion.  I couldn’t give it.  I couldn’t _give_ what I
didn’t feel.”

I:  “Niobe-- w-we can’t go there.  This isn’t the time.”

Niobe:  “You’re right.  I must put everything aside for now, and
finish what Orestes started-- what _we_ started.  I ask you to
help me-- in his memory.”


I:  “You know?  When this is all over-- I have to leave.”

Niobe:  “I won’t ask you to stay.”

I:  “I want to do everything I can to help, but-- do you

Niobe:  “Of course I do.”

I:  “So-- do you think Xenon will support your peace plan?”

Niobe:  “I don’t know _what_ to expect from him.”

I:  “Expect the unexpected.”


Niobe:  “What?”

Xe:  “I will support your peace plan.”

I/Ore:  “Well-- that’s great news.”

Xe:  “There _is_ a condition.”

I/Ore:  “Yes?”

Xe:  “Your plan is to continue onto Marathon, to see Phaedron--
and then to Orlon, Casseter, and Thebes, right?”

I/Ore:  “It’s not etched in stone.”

Xe:  “But I like it.  I want to accompany you there.”

I/Ore:  “Xenon-- you’re not suggesting I-- can’t do this thing by
myself, are you?”

Xe:  “Oh, perish the thought, Orestes.  But I know King Phaedron.
He’s a taciturn old warrior, with a spider’s web for a mind.  If
he sees that you’ve persuaded a cynic like me to come in support
of the plan, I think this could be very convincing-- right?”

I/Ore:  “Good point.”

Niobe:  “And will the wise king be coming alone?”

Xe:  “I’ll have my usual contingent.  You’ll bring Hector and

I/Ore:  “Linus had to return to Attica-- uh, personal reasons.”

Xe:  “Aw.  Oh-- when shall we leave for Marathon?”

I/Ore:  “Well-- it’s a short trip.  How about now?”

Xe:  “Now?”

I/Ore:  “Yes.  Why wait?”

Xe:  “You improvise-- good.  Let’s do it.”


Niobe:  “Good night.”

Man’s Voice:  “Get the horses watered.”

Xe [?]’s Voice:  “Good night, all.”

Men’s Voices:  “Let’s get this mess cleaned up.”  “Long ride
tomorrow, huh?”  “Yeah.”

Niobe:  “Give me a moment.”

Men’s Voices:  “Here we are.”  “-- some bedrolls over there!”



I/Ore:  “Nice shot.”

Xe:  “A liiiitle bit off to the left, I think.”

I/Ore:  “Oh.  Well, I won’t tell.”

Xe:  “So many bandits-- no one is safe.”

I/Ore:  “Bandits-- yeah.  Xenon-- thank you.”


I:  “Niobe?”

Niobe:  “All right.  What’s wrong?”

I:  “Xenon just saved my life.”

Niobe:  “What?  How?”

I:  “The same guy that killed Orestes just tried to kill me.
Xenon stopped him.”

Niobe:  “Are you sure it was the assassin?”

I:  “Oh, yeah-- yeah, yeah, yeah-- I’m sure.”

Niobe:  “Could we have been wrong about Xenon?”

I:  “That’s what he wants us to think.  Nothing disarms like
gratitude.  Well-- I better get some rest.  I’m beat.  Uh.  Um--
I’m, uh-- I’m gonna sleep over here-- in case of any, uh--

Niobe:  “That’s not necessary-- and you won’t sleep a wink.  We
can do this, Iolaus.”

I:  “Yeah-- I guess we have to.”

Niobe:  “Yes.”

I:  “Here-- try one of these.”

Niobe:  “I need some air.”


Hec:  “King Orestes-- it’s morning, your Highness.  Your

I/Ore:  “Yeah, yeah-- yeah, I’m awake, Hector.  Sleep all right?”

Niobe:  “Well enough.  You?”

I:  “No-- terrible.”

Hec:  “Your Highness-- we’ll be in Marathon by midday.  I must
speak with you before then.”

I/Ore:  “Yeah, yeah.  Hector, uh-- ”

Hec:  “There’s not much time, Sire.”

I:  “If worry was wealth, he’d own the world.  OK, Hector, come
on.  This better be good.”

Hec:  “King Phaedron-- is a little-- quirky.  Now, it works like
this.  You speak to me.  I speak to Phaedron’s state minister.
And _he_ conveys your thoughts-- to Phaedron.”

I:  “I can talk to Phaedron.  I’m a king-- as far as he’s
concerned.  We’re equals.”

Hec:  “No-- in Phaedron’s mind, he’s first among equals.”

Niobe:  “We’re in his kingdom, Iolaus.  We need his cooperation.”

I:  “But it’s crazy.”

Hec:  “So is Phaedron.  No one’s spoken directly to him for-- 30

Niobe:  “He’s a volatile, violent-- old man.”

I:  “Well-- how bad can it be?  Ah-- temper tantrum?  I can
handle that.”

Hec:  “Oh-- the last person to speak directly to Phaedron was
Prince Vargus of Macadamia.  Phaedron got so mad-- he sacked
Vargus’ capital-- and cut off his-- well, you know what they grow
in Macadamia.”

I:  “Aw-- well-- it’s his kingdom.  He can make the rules.  It’s
only fair.  Cut off his-- ?”

Hec:  “Tsk.”

I:  “Oh.”


I/Ore:  “In an effort-- to break the long tradition of--
hostilities and mistrust-- between our kingdoms-- ”

Hec:  “In an effort to break the long traditions of hostility and
mistrust-- between our kingdoms-- ”

Minister:  ““In an effort to break the long traditions of
hostility and mistrust between our kingdoms-- ”

Phaedron [Interrupting]:  “Right, right, right, right!

I/Ore:  “-- and those of our neighboring kings-- ”

Hec:  “-- and those of our neighboring kings-- ”

Minister:  “-- and those of our neighboring kings-- ”

Phaedron [Interrupting]:  “I get it!”

I/Ore:  “Phaedron, this is ridiculous!  What is _good_ for my
people-- is good for _your_ people.  And that goes for King Nemus
and Marcus-- all of our neighbors.”

Phaedron:  “What’s your point?”

I/Ore:  “Allies-- instead of enemies.  Prosperity for all our
people.  Look-- we have a beef-- we _talk_ about it instead of
going to war.  We-- we look out for each other.”

Phaedron:  “What a catastrophically simplistic idea.  Ha!
Ha-ha-ha!  Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!
Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!  Why didn’t you think of it?”

Minister:  “But I did, Sire.  You’ll remember-- but true, Sire--
I-I did!  Just the other day!  Sire!”

Phaedron:  “I like it, Orestes.  By Zeus!  I like it!  We will do

Man’s Voice:  “We will?”

Phaedron:  “Let’s eat!”

I/Ore:  “Yeah!  Let’s eat!”

Phaedron:  “You remind me of your father.  Good man-- always
stood his ground.”

I/Ore:  “Uh-- I’ve been wondering.  Uh-- why do you-- ?  I mean--
you don’t have to tell me-- it’s none of my business, really,
but, why-- ”

Phaedron:  “Why act like I’m crazy?  Maybe I am.  It started as a
little joke that grew out of hand.  After a while, I grew to like
it-- took on a life of its own.  Besides-- it saves me having to
listen to a lot of _pointless prattle_!  Food!  Give me some


Niobe:  “I was proud of you, today.”

I:  “You were?”

Niobe:  “Mmm-- the way you faced King Phaedron-- got right to the
heart of the matter.  You make a good king.”

I:  “You make a beautiful queen.  Well-- we got a-- busy day,

Niobe:  “No.”

I:  “No, what?”

Niobe:  “I can’t pretend any longer, Iolaus.  If you won’t say
the words, I will.  I love you.  I’ve loved you since-- ”

I:  “-- loved you since the first time I saw you.  And I
thought-- maybe if I just never saw you again, I could-- live
with just the memory, but-- I love you, Niobe.”


Niobe:  “Iolaus.”

I:  “Hmm?”

Niobe:  “I know I said I wouldn’t ask you-- but things are
different, now.  We’ve unwrapped the gift.  Why not share it as
it should be shared?  Stay with me, Iolaus.  Be my king.”

I:  “You know?  This gift-- _our_ gift-- it can be shared another
way.  What if I asked you to come with me?  Could you give _all_
this up and-- live _my_ life?”

Soldier:  “King Orestes-- I’m placing you under arrest-- for the
attempted murder of King Phaedron.”



Niobe:  “Stop this!  It’s a mistake!”

I/Ore:  “Who accuses me?!  Let him do it to my face!”

Xe:  “Not a problem-- meet your accuser.  This is one of your
arrows, isn’t it?  It was pulled from King Phaedron’s back.”

I/Ore:  “I _gave_ you that arrow.”

Xe:  “You don’t wear desperation well, Orestes.  It doesn’t
become you.”

I/Ore:  “I know what you’re doing, Xenon.  And it won’t work--
because I won’t let it.”

Xe:  “Of course you won’t-- because you die, tomorrow!”

Niobe:  “No!”

Xe:  “OK, I’m a fair man-- the day _after_ tomorrow.”

Niobe:  “You can’t do this.”

Xe:  “But that’s the beauty of it.  I can.  No visitors!”


Man’s Voice:  “It’s not that I mind your-- ”

Xe:  “Excuse me-- aren’t you Illegibus-- King Phaedron’s

Illegibus [Ill]:  “Yes-- King Xenon.  How can I help you?”

Xe:  “How is Phaedron?  He will survive.”

Ill:  “I’ve bled his wound and covered it with wolfbane.  He’s
strong, but he’s not a young man.”

Xe:  “Is he still unconscious?”

Ill:  “Yes.  Now, if you’ll excuse me-- since you’re not family,
I’d rather not say any more.”


Niobe:  “I’m Niobe, queen of Attica.  I must see Queen Uriana.
Please-- I _must_ see her.”

Uriana [Ur]:  “Let me pass.  Come see our new tapestry, my dear.
Shh-- the guards have ears.”

Niobe:  “Your Highness-- please forgive me for intruding, but
Orestes didn’t-- ”

Ur [Interrupting]:  “Oh, I know.  I know Orestes did not try and
kill my husband.”

Niobe:  “How?”

Ur:  “The eyes.  Words confuse.  Hearts-- cheat.  But the eyes
never lie.  Your husband has the eyes of a good man, Niobe.”

Niobe:  “Will you help me?”

Phaedron:  “Uriana.”

Ur:  “Of course.”

Phaedron:  “Uriana!”

Ur:  “Excuse me.”


Ur:  “Hello, George.  Queen Niobe is here to see her husband,

Soldier:  “But, your Majesty, I was told ‘No visitors’.”

Ur:  “Who gave you this order?”

Soldier:  “Well, King Xenon.”

Ur:  “Phaedron is your king, not Xenon.  And when Phaedron is
absent, _I_ am his voice.  Would you open the cell?”

Soldier:  “Yes, your Majesty.”

Soldier’s Voice:  “But, no funny stuff.  That’s King Phaedron’s

I:  “What are you still doing here?”

Niobe:  “I’m not leaving you.”

I:  “Listen to me.  I’ve got a plan, OK?  I’m gonna be fine.  But
your people need you.  It’s your destiny, Niobe.”

Niobe:  “And yours.”

I:  “Your destiny and my fate-- big difference.”

Niobe:  “May I kill him goodbye?!”

Soldier:  “Well, um-- ”

Ur:  “Of course.”

Niobe:  “Compliments-- of Queen Uriana.”

I/Ore:  “Uh-- excuse me.”

Soldier:  “Hmm?”

I/Ore:  “Uh-- it came undone.  Here-- you may need this.”


Soldier’s Voice:  “Grab him!”

George:  “What about me?”

I/Ore:  “I’ll send someone.”


Niobe:  “It’s done-- Uriana arranged it.  We’re leaving now.”

I:  “Great-- just when I was getting settled in.”

Niobe:  “Did you get the horses?”

Hec:  “I couldn’t.  There are guards all over the place.  King
Mecius-- King Nemus-- King Marcus-- are all here.”

I:  “They’re here?!  We were supposed to go and meet them.
Xenon’s gonna kill them.”


Man’s Voice:  “Here you go.  Take good care of these.”

King:  “Xenon.”

Xe:  “Ahh-- good to see you.  Welcome, King Macarinah.”

Macarinah:  “Good to see you, Xenon!”

King:  “Back off!”


Hec:  “Iolaus!  I-- I can’t do this”

I:  “Of course, you can do it.  You taught Orestes how to shoot,
didn’t you?”

Hec:  “My point, exactly-- he couldn’t hit the ground with his

I:  “I’m counting on you, old friend.  This is the only way it
can work-- for all of us.”

Niobe:  “Ready?”

I:  “Is the world flat?”

Niobe:  “Hmm-- I love you.”

I:  “I know.  I love you, too.  Trust me.”

Niobe:  “I do.”


Xe:  “My friends-- fellow kings-- this momentous occasion is
darkened-- by a cowardly attack on King Phaedron’s life.”

King’s Voice:  “What?”

Xe:  “But the man responsible-- Orestes of Attica-- was caught.
He’s in the dungeon as we speak-- awaiting his fate.”

I/Ore:  “It seems our fates are tied together.”

Xe:  “Orestes, you’ll die for this.”

I/Ore:  “Xenon’s flunky, Boron, tried to kill King Phaedron-- by
Xenon’s order.”

Xe:  “That is absurd.”

I/Ore:  “All my eight arrows were numbered.  The one that wounded
Phaedron-- is the one I gave to you.”

Xe:  “Where’s the evidence?  Where is this-- arrow?”

I/Ore:  “My queen found it-- in Boron’s pack.”

Boron:  “He’s lying, Sire!  I never put the arrow in his pack.”

Xe [Interrupting]:  “Boron, you moron!  What are you waiting
for?!  Kill him!”


I/Ore:  “Ooh.”

King:  “Orestes!  Take this!”

Xe:  “Get in there!  You die, Orestes!”

I/Ore:  “I don’t think so!”

Xe:  “Aw.”

Niobe:  “Help him!  My king!”

Hec:  “No!  Please, your Highness!”

Niobe:  “No!  Please!  Please!”

Ill:  “I’m sorry.”

Niobe:  “Nooo!  No!  No!  No.  No.”


I:  “Niobe.  I-- ”

Hec:  “Iolaus-- why do this?”

I:  “I tried to leave, Hector, but-- she has a right to know.”

Hec:  “I think _I_ understand.  I hope she will.”

I:  “Here-- give this to your cousin, Illegibus.  Souvenir with
my thanks.”

Hec:  “OK.”

I:  “Goodbye, my friend.  Niobe, I-- I’m so sorry.”

Niobe:  “How could you?  You let me believe you were killed.”

I:  “I-- I thought it would be easiest.”

Niobe:  “I never wanted easiest.  I wanted you.”

I:  “Niobe-- you’re a queen.  Well, look at me.  I’m-- ”

Niobe:  “They all believed you were Orestes.”

I:  “For a week, maybe.  But not for a lifetime.”

Niobe:  “The best I ever was with you.”

I:  “Oh, Niobe-- I will always love you.  Nothing will ever
change that.  But it has to be this way.  You have great work
ahead.  And-- in time-- ”

Niobe:  “Don’t say it-- don’t.  I _won’t_ forget.  It was almost
easier believing you were dead.”

I:  “But, it wasn’t the truth.”


I:  “Hercules.”

H:  “Ah, Iolaus-- welcome back.”

I:  “Thanks-- it’s good to be back.”

H:  “So, how was it?”

I:  “Like I expected.  There was-- trouble, but-- it-- sorted
itself out.”

H:  “Yeah.  How was Niobe?”

I:  “Niobe was-- she was royalty.”

H:  “Uh-- wanna give me a hand, here?”

I:  “Yeah, sure.”

H:  “Thanks.  Why is it, every time you go and visit your mother,
they make you work?”

I:  “Well-- that’s what mothers are for, isn’t it?”

H:  “Yeah.  [They laugh.]  Good to have you back, Iolaus.”


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