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Edition Take a Journey Through Tartarus!


“The Lost City”  53/316


Salmoneus [Sal]:  [Quail hunting]  “What am I doing here?!
Hercules always warned me, my quest for the almighty dinar’ll be
the death of me.  Did I listen?  Nooo!  Here I am, in bandit
country.  They stole my food.  No quail to catch.  All because of
a wild rumor about a lost goldmine in the Baklava Province.
Salmoneus, you deserve to starve.  [Laughs]  Just kidding!  Maybe
they have some food.  Some food; some mead-- it’s all I need.”


Sal:  “Hello!  Anybody here?!  Oh, swell.  No people; no food.
Who’s there?!  I’m not alone!  ‘Hercules, where are you?!’  ‘I’m
over here!’  ‘Good-- stay close!’  Show yourself!  ‘We’re not
afraid.’  ‘Nah, never afraid!’  Gold!  Who needs food?!  I’ve
died and gone to Mount Olympus!  Oh-- there’s more where this
came from!  [Screams]


Mariah  [Mar]:  “How many were there?”

Iolaus [I]:  “Three other girls are missing from the village.”

Mar:  “You said your cousin didn’t have the happiest home life.”

I:  “Mariah, my cousin, Regina, did _not_ run away!”

Mar:  “Then my guess is that they were abducted-- by visitors.”

I:  “Ah!”

Mar:  “From other _continents_.  You can’t believe we’re the only

I:  “OK.  What would these visitors want with my cousin?”

Mar:  “You think I’m crazy!”

I:  “No-- no!  You’re-- a  few sandwiches short of a picnic,
maybe, but you’re not crazy. I-- ”

Mar:  “Why do you think the Star-Globus sent me on this story?”

I:  “Would I hurt your feelings if I told you I couldn’t care

Mar:  “Because they’re out there-- and I’m newshound enough to
sniff them out.”

I:  “All I wanna do is find my cousin!  Mariah-- I asked you
along here because-- I thought you could help.  But ever since we
started, all you’ve done is talk about-- people from beyond the
stars; strange creatures from other continents; abdominal

Mar:  “That’s abominable.”

I:  “No, no-- no, it was abominable--  ‘cause we are in the
middle of bandit country, and I’m stuck with you!  And if you’re
not talking about-- celestial visitors, then you’re complaining
about the food, or-- or asking interminable questions!”

Mar:  “I’m a reporter!  How am I supposed to learn if I don’t

I:  “See?!  See?!  Why don’t you try-- taking a few quiet moments
and-- writing something down?”

Mar:  “I don’t have to- I have a pictographic memory.”

I:  “Pictographic memory.”

Mar:  “When are we gonna eat?”

I:  “I don’t know!  Look.  There’s an abandoned temple.  Let’s--
see if we can find shelter there for the night.”

Mar:  “Think they’ll have any food?”

I:  “I don’t know!”

Mar:  “Iolaus-- wait up!”


Bad guy:  “Your gold or your life!”

I:  “My gold or my life?”


Mar:  “Take that!”

Bad guy:  “Come on!  Let’s get out of here!”

I:  “Get out of here!  Go on!  Go on!  Go on!  Get out!”

Mar:  “Why were they trying to abduct us?!”

I:  “How would I know?  Maybe they heard the same gold rumors we

Mar:  “Why would they think we had any gold?”

I:  “Will you stop asking questions!  Oh, and-- by the way--
thanks for-- you know-- helping me.  It was-- where’d you get
this flour?”

Mar:  “I landed on it.  Why?”

I:  “Well, if there’s any more where this came from, we could
have our dinner.”

Mar:  “Wow-- are you as hungry as I am?”

I:  “Are the gods crazy?  Good.”

Mar:  “Mmm.”


Mar:  “Iolaus-- we’ve had visitors.”

I:  “Will you quit with these cosmic fantasies?”

Mar:  “I’m not fantasizing.”

I:  “Huh?”

Mar:  “The food’s gone.”

I:  “And look what they’ve left us in exchange.”  [Falls and

Mar:  “Iolaus.”  [Falls and Screams]


Mar:  “Thanks for breaking my fall.”

I:  “You’re welcome.”

Mar:  “What is this place?”

I:  “There you go with those questions again.  Ahh!”

Mar:  “I have another one for you.  Where are we?”

Woman’s Voice:  “Wow.”



Mar:  “It looks like a welcoming committee.”

Sal:  “Peace and love, brother.  [Weird yell.]

I:  “Salmoneus?”

Sal:  “Brother Sal.  Have we met?”

I:  “Iolaus-- friend of Hercules?”

Woman:  “Welcome.”

Sal:  “No-- doesn’t ring a bell.  But we’re all friends here.
Peace and love, sister.  [Weird yell]”

Mar:  “Um-- my name’s Mariah-- and we’re not related.”

Sal:  “Welcome, friend.”

I:  “Yeah, yeah.  Good.  Salmoneus.”

Mar:  “Uh, what are you people doing here?”

Sal:  “This is Sister Aurora.”

Aurora [Aur]:  “Peace-- and love.”

Sal:  [Weird yell]

Mar:  “No, I meant-- who are you people?  And-- what are you
doing here?”

Sal:  “Why don’t we give you a little tour of our community, and
you can see for yourselves?”

I:  “Lead the way.”


Sal:  “You see?  We have an underground spring, that supplies all
of our water needs.”

Mar:  “What about food?”

Sal:  “You’d be surprised how little food you need, once you put
your spiritual side ahead of your temporal.”

Mar:  “But you do eat.”

Sal:  “Of course.  One cannot chew one’s spirituality-- [weird
yell].  You might say, we live by the golden rule.  We mine the
gold, and trade with the outside world for food.”

I:  “Gold-- that’s where it came from.”

Mar:  “But, nobody ever wants to leave, or just see the outside
world again?”

I:  “Yeah-- grab all that gold and run?”

Sal:  “Why would anyone want to leave?  We have everything we
need right here.  There-- there’s no violence.  We all work and
share equally.  There’s no need to be competitive-- for there’s
nothing more to gain than what you already have.  [Weird yell.]

Mar:  “But, nobody ever wants more?”

Sal:  “More?  That’s a negative concept.”

I:  “You sure you’re all right?”

Sal:  “Never felt better, friend.  The teachings of Lorel frees
me-- ”

Mar:  “Lorel?”

Sal:  “Our god.  Kamaros interprets for us.”

I:  “I’d really like to see this Kamaros.”

Sal:  “You will.  We’re all going to have dinner.”


Kamaros [Kam]:  “Food is taken very seriously in our community.
I do extensive studies in the areas of nutrition and diet.  So I
hope you’re enjoying your meal.”

Mar:  “What there is of it.”

Kam:  “Among my findings, I’ve learned that we don’t need as much
food as we think to sustain strength and energy.  But, perhaps,
uh-- dessert will fill you up.”

I:  “Quite a lifestyle you have here.”

Kam:  “I’d be the first to be embarrassed at the luxuriousness of
my surroundings.  I’m perfectly content to serve Lorel in a more
Spartan capacity.  Yet, if our god wishes, who am I to question?”

I:  “Yeah.”

Kam:  “By communizing our efforts, we can produce more fruitful,
harmonious results than a traditional, hierarchy-based society.”

Mar:  “So, that means you work down in the mines like everyone

Sal:  “Anyone can work down in the mines.  Only a select few can
interpret the wishes of our powerful, yet benevolent god.”

Kam:  “Well put, Brother Sal, but you make it sound so important.
I am but a humble servant doing our god’s bidding.  Now-- why
don’t we enjoy our dessert?”

I:  “You know?  We hate to eat and run, but we’re gonna-- eat and
run.  You’re allergic to that-- remember?  Besides, I’d really
like to see the rest of this place.  You mind if we take our own

Kam:  “Not at all.  Treat our home as if it were your own.  If
Brother Sal or I can be of any assistance-- ”

I:  “Yeah, thanks.  We’ll um-- we’ll let you know.”


Mar:  “Iolaus-- stop.  Why did we leave?”

I:  “There was something wrong with that dessert.”

Mar:  “Oh-- they tried to poison us.”

I:  “Hello-- everyone else ate it.”

Mar:  “So?  That could be what makes his people so touchy-feely.
I mean, they hug all the time.  There’s gotta be-- ”

I:  “Mariah.  Well, come to think of it-- that is not the
Salmoneus I used to know.  It’s like-- it’s like they’ve done
something to his mind.”

Mar:  “Yeah, I’ve noticed.  If you look in his eyes, he’s just
not all there.”

I:  [Laughs]


I:  “Morning.”

Man:  “Peace and love, Sister.”

Mar:  “You, too.”

Man:  “I love you, Man.”

I:  “Yeah, uh-- yeah, I-- I love you, too.  Regina?  Regina.  Is
it you?”

Regina [Reg]:  “Yes?  Do I know you?”

I:  “It’s me.  It’s your cousin, Iolaus.”

Reg:  “I’m sorry.  I-- I don’t recognize you.”

I:  “That’s crazy.  I-- I taught you how to shoot a bow and
arrow-- remember?  It’s all fun and games till somebody loses an

Reg:  “I have to go.”

I:  “No, Regina, wait!”

Man:  “Friend, there are plenty of available women, if this one
isn’t interested in you.”

I:  “I’m not your friend.  I’m not interested in her, not like

Mar:  “She’s his cousin.”

Man:  “We’re all family here.”

I:  “Yeah?  Well, I don’t want a family.”

Mar:  “Iolaus.”

I:  “I just wanna know why Regina doesn’t recognize me.”

Man:  “Sometimes, our inner selves are not in harmony with the
outside world.”

Mar:  “You guys really believe that stuff, don’t you?”

Man:  “It is the way of Lorel-- our godhead.”

I:  “Yeah-- well, I’ll believe this god when I see him.”

Man:  “She is appearing now.”

I:  “She?”



I:  “There goes your powerful, but benevolent god.”

Mar:  “She’s barely out of diapers.”

I:  “Yeah-- well, they don’t seem to mind.”

Mar:  “Suppose this place is a paradise.”

Man’s Voice:  “Hail to Lorel.”

Woman’s Voice:  “[?]”

I:  “Oh, no-- here comes Salmoneus.”

Mar:  “Oh, I can’t uncover any conspiracies with him around.”

I:  “Yeah.  Tell him you want a personal tour, and I can do some
snooping of my own.”

Mar:  “Guess again.  Brother Sal.  What a coincidence.  Iolaus
was just saying how he’d love a tour of your gold-mining

I:  “Hey!”

Sal:  “I’d love to give both of you a tour.”

Mar:  “I’ll take a raincheck.  I have some questions for your

Sal:  “No, I’m sorry.  You can’t just wander around aimlessly.”

Mar:  “Oh, don’t worry.  I’ll go through the proper channels.”

I:  “You know what?  I don’t need a personal guide, Salmoneus.”

Sal:  “Brother Sal-- and it’s my pleasure.  We don’t get many
visitors here.  I’m always happy to show them how we live-- what
we’re about.  Mmmmmm.”


Aur:  “Is the fruit to your liking, Master?

Kam:  “Very much so.”

Aur:  “And the wine?”

Kam:  “Excellent.  Now watch, Aurora.  Learn how best to serve an
emissary of god.  Oh, no-- dear Aurora, you must observe.  How
else will you learn?  [Laughs]


Sal:  “You’re going to be thrilled and delighted.  Here is the
entrance to our mine.”

I:  “This gold-- doesn’t interest you, right?”

Sal:  “It’s only so much rock and mineral.”

I:  “Boy-- you’ve really changed from the Salmoneus I used to

Sal:  “I’m sorry-- I don’t follow.”

I:  “Well, whatever happened to that ambitious, dinar-loving,
little-- opportunist-- who always bugged Hercules-- hmmm?”

Sal:  “You must have me confused with somebody else.”


Mar:  “Are you all right?”

Aur:  “It’s nothing.”

Mar:  “You’re upset about something.”

Aur:  “It’s Lorel.”

Mar:  “Your child god?  What about her?”

Aur:  “Sh-- she’s my sister.”


I:  “So much dust and glitte, right?”

Sal:  “Exactly.”

I:  “And no one really cares about it, huh?”

Sal:  “Why should they?  There are no possessions here, so
there’s no reason to be envious.  We all share in everything
equally.  [Weird yell]”

I:  “So, this means you could all share Kamaros’ things.”

Sal:  “Absolutely-- if one wished.  It’s all community property.
What’s yours is mine.  What’s mine.”

I:  “What’s mine is mine alone-- yeah, I’m familiar with that.”

Sal:  “You’re very cynical.  That will change with time.”

Woman’s Voice:  “Catch!”

I:  “So-- you share the women as well?”

Sal:  “Hah?  If we don’t believe in owning things, why should we
believe in possessing people?  We share everything.”

I:  “Everything.  You know-- I would really like to see my cousin

Sal:  “I could do that.  She works not far from here, in food


Mar:  “How did you and your sister ever get mixed up in this?”

Aur:  “It’s all my fault.  We’re from a village in the next

Mar:  “So, you were one of those that exchanged food for gold.”

Aur:  “I met Kamaros, and he was so-- charismatic.  I really
wanted to believe him.  He told me the whole community was free
of violence.  It was all about peace and love.  I’ve just
realized that all he cares about is the love part-- if you can
call it that.”

Mar:  “And Lorel?”

Aur:  “He’s done something to her.  She used to be nothing but
energy and talk, and-- and now she walks around in this-- fog.”

Mar:  “I’ve heard they do that.”

Aur:  “Who?”

Mar:  “Visitors.”

Aur:  “What?”

Mar:  “Oh-- never mind.”

Aur:  “She is not a god.  She’s my kid sister.”

Mar:  “Look-- don’t worry; we’ll help her.”


I:  “Very impressive.”

Sal:  “See how happy your cousin is.  And the harmony of the
workers-- each performing his own little task; sharing the fruits
of their labor; following the way of Lorel.”

I:  “Yeah-- I’d still like to know why Regina didn’t recognize

Sal:  “Sometimes, we need help to get in touch with our true
inner being.  That’s what the re-education room is for [Tic].”

I:  “Re-education?”

Sal:  “A special place.  I’ll show you-- ”

I:  “You know what, Sal?”

Sal:  “Brother Sal.”

I:  “Yeah, good.  Maybe some other time, huh?  I’ve got a lot of
looking around to do.”

Sal:  “Fine, you’re our guest.”

I:  “Yeah.”

Sal:  [Laughs]


I:  “What is it?”

Mar:  “We have to rescue Lorel.”

I:  “That would be Lorel, the child god?”

Mar:  “She’s not a god.  She’s Aurora’s sister.”

I:  “She’s your sister.”

Aur:  “Kamaros has-- done something to her.”

I:  “Yeah-- I think I know what it is.  I’ve just been to food
storage, and I noticed the same odor I smelled on the dessert.”

Aur:  “What kind of odor?”

Sal:  “It’s lotus leaf.  It’s an opiate that Hercules’ cousin,
Asclepius told us about.  It’s not lethal-- but we’ve gotta get
your sister off it-- the sooner the better.”

Mar:  “You have a plan?”

I:  “Yeah-- kind of.  I made a deal with Salmoneus that if he
didn’t eat food for a day, I’d-- I’d join the band.”

Mar:  “What?”

I:  “It’s a long shot.  Here-- if there’s any trouble, try giving
him these gold nuggets.”

Mar:  “I don’t understand.”

I:  “Well, if he doesn’t eat the food-- it’s a long shot.”


I:  “Don’t be afraid.  Aurora sent me.  Can you understand me?
You eat this?  Tastes good, huh?  Look-- I haven’t got time to
explain.  But I have to get you out of here.  And it’s gonna be
easier if I just-- carry you, OK?  Come on-- good.”

Kam:  “I take this to mean you don’t approve of our little

I:  “Oh, I’ve seen it before-- only, then it wasn’t called
interpreter and disciples.  It was called master and slaves.”

Kam:  “Well, I’m sorry you feel that way.”


Kam:  “Good-- but not good enough.”

I:  “You better be careful with that thing.  You don’t wanna lose
your god.”

Kam:  “There are plenty more where she came from.”



Short-haired goon:  “Have a nice day.”

Kam:  “In case you haven’t guessed, the poison from that dart
isn’t fatal.  It’ll merely aid in your-- re-education.”

I:  “Thanks.  I’ve already finished my schooling.”

Kam:  “Well, I’m afraid you’ve got a lot more to learn.  You’re
much too aggressive for our little community.  Reprogramming or--
re-education, as we like to call it, is definitely called for.”

I:  “What if I don’t wanna be re-educated?  What if don’t wanna
join in your plan to rule the world?”

Kam:  “Well, you misjudge me.  Why would I want the world?  I
have everything I could want right here.  The trick is-- not to
let anyone come in and spoil it.”

I:  “Like me.”

Kam:  “Like you.  As for your lack of enthusiasm, you really
don’t have any choice.  In my travels, I’ve learned many things:
a mastery over lights; the necessity of sleep.  Hercules’ own
cousin taught me about the healing and intoxicating qualities of
certain herbs and plants.  You’ll be one of us-- eventually.”

I:  “Don’t count on it.”

Kam:  “Oh, I’ll count on it.  Peace, Brother.”

I:  “I’m not your brother.”

Kam:  “You will be-- whether you want to or not.  Begin.”


Mar:  “You have to help us.  Iolaus is in trouble.”

Sal:  “Well, he doesn’t keep his word.  He promised if I gave up
food for a day, he’d join the band.  I did; he’s not here; and
I’m hun-- gry.  What-- what do you think you’re doing?  [Laughs]
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.  You’re trying to tempt me, aren’t you?”

Mar:  “What gives you that idea?”

Sal:  “Oh, yeah-- huh. uh-huh.  You see, I am impervious-- to the
overtures of the out-- could I have another sniff of that?”

Mar:  “Keep it.”

Sal:  “The teachdngs of Lorel tell us that the outside world is
not-- do you have any more in there?  You’re bad.  Bad girls!
Bad girls!  I’m gonna tell Kamaros how naughty you’ve been, and,
you’re gonna get in trouble.”


Short-haired goon:  “Sorry, you’re-- you’re not allowed to

I:  “You guys aren’t big on creature comforts, are you?”

Short-haired goon:  “The purpose of the room is not to soothe the
body, but to ease the mind.”

I:  “I guess that fan’s not for cooling me off then, huh?”

Short-haired goon:  “It’s for filtering light.  When it revolves
at the right rate, it can induce a trance-like state, leaving the
mind extremely malleable.”

I:  “It sounds like a lot of laughs.”

Short-haired goon:  “Kamaros is a master of light manipulation.
It’s extraordinary, the things he’s accomplished, for the good of
the community.”

I:  “Yeah-- I’ll bet.”


Mar:  “Aren’t you Iolaus’ cousin?”

Reg:  “Iolaus.  He talked to me.  He wanted me to-- stop eating
for a while.”

Mar:  “And?”

Reg:  “I can’t remember.  It’s so confusing.”

Mar:  “Try harder.”

Aur:  “Well, maybe we shouldn’t force it.”

Mar:  “We have to.  Memories are important.  They’re who we are.
Regina-- remember when you and Iolaus tied your father’s sandals
together, and he fell in the pig trough?”

Aur:  “Kind of.  Were you there?”

Mar:  “He told me the story.  He was right about the food.
You’re starting to remember.”

Aur:  “Come with us.”

Reg:  “Where are you going?”

Mar:  “To rescue Lorel from Kamaros.”

Reg:  “Rescue?  From Kamaros?”

Aur:  “Lorel’s my sister.”

Mar:  “She’s not a god.  Kamaros has just tricked everyone into
believing that.”

Aur:  “Iolaus tried to get her from the palace, but-- well,
something’s happened.”

Mar:  “We think he’s been taken to the re-education room.”

Reg:  “We’d better go.”


I:  [Mumbles something]

Kam:  “You’re not enjoying yourself.  From your babbling, I’d say
you have an uncommon fear of death.”

I:  “The only thing-- that I’m scared of-- is-- turning into a--
creep like you.”

Kam:  “Oh, such spirit.  Enjoy it while you can.  Because in a
few more hours, you won’t even remember who you are.”

I:  [Screams]


Mar:  “Stay here.  If anything goes wrong, at least you two won’t
be caught.”

Reg:  “But, how will I see Iolaus again?”

Aur:  “Yeah, we’re all in this together.”

Mar:  “Look-- it’s just not a good idea.”

Guard:  “Keep an eye out for the stranger.”

Mar:  “Now, will you stay here?”


Aur:  “What’s the matter?”

Mar:  “He’s gone.  Is there any other place they could have taken
him?  Then they’ve killed him.”

Reg:  “Maybe he escaped.”

Aur:  “Where to?  There’s nowhere to go down here.”

Mar:  “He could’ve gone back to get your sister.”

Aur:  “Mariah.”

Mar:  “Iolaus.”

I:  “Greetings, friends.”

Mar:  “What’s with the outfit.”

I:  “Peace and love, Sister.”

Aur:  “Oh, no.”

Kam:  “Likewise.”



Mar:  “Iolaus, it’s me, Mariah.”

I:  “Oh, I am so pleased to meet you, Mariah.  Has anyone shown
you our fair city, yet?”

Mar:  “What have you done to him?”

Kam:  “Maybe he’s found a better life.”

Mar:  “I’ll be the judge of that.”

I:  “Mariah, why are you angry?  Anger is-- a negative emotion.”

Mar:  “If you’re so sure he’s gone over to your side, can I speak
with him alone?”

Kam:  “I see no reason why not.”


Mar:  “OK, you can drop the act now.”

I:  “I’m not sure I understand.”

Mar:  “Iolaus, it’s me, Mariah.  We came here together, looking
for visitors.”

I:  “Togetherness is next to godliness.”

Mar:  “They really did it to you, didn’t they?  They changed

I:  “Change is often necessary-- if we are to remain in touch
with our true selves.  It’s like sitting in a cave.”


I’s Voice:  “What we see before us are but shadows, and what is
behind us is the truth.”


I:  “I have to be getting back.  I hope to see you later, friend.
Peace, and love.”

Mar:  “Yeah-- sure.”


Aur:  “Are you sure we can save my sister without Iolaus’ help?”

Mar:  “We don’t have any choice.”

Sal:  “Girls-- hello.”

Mar:  “What do you want from us?”

Sal:  “I wanna thank you, for waking me up.  I can’t believe what
a schmendrick I was.”

Mar:  “You mean, Brother Sal is starting to remember the old

Sal:  “You bet.  I even remember Iolaus.  He used to hang around
with some big guy-- uh-- the name escapes me.”

Aur:  “Salmoneus, Iolaus is in trouble.  They’ve done something
to his mind.”

Mar:  “And we need his help to rescue Lorel.”

Sal:  “Rescue a god?!  Are you crazy?!  I’ll tell you what to
rescue.  Across the square, there’s a room full of gold.  That’s
what needs rescuing.”

Aur:  “Iolaus is your friend.”

Sal:  “You’re right.  Who?  Oh, the blond guy, yeah.  Let me get
some gold first.”

Aur:  “It looks like we’re on our own.”

Mar:  “No-- I’m on my own.  There’s no sense risking all our


Kam:  “Lose something?”

Mar:  “Oh-- just a friend, and now a god.  It’s been one of those
days.  I can come back later.”

Kam:  “I’d-- rather you stay.”

Mar:  “Watch out.  If that goes off, it’ll ruin your reputation
as a man of peace.”

Kam:  “And put an untidy hole in your blouse.”

Mar:  “Good point.  I’ll just be going-- anywhere you want me


Kam:  “She refuses to eat.”

I:  “Sister-- how are you ever going to find your true self, if
you don’t take the nourishment we provide?”

Mar:  “You know what you two can do with your nourishment.”

I:  “I’m glad you haven’t changed, Mariah.”


I:  “I learned one or two things on my travels, too.  Meditation
is also a way to control your mind.  But, now that I know that
the other women are safe.”

Kam:  “It doesn’t matter.  Neither of you are leaving here

Sal:  “I can’t believe I did that.  Iolaus!  Catch!”

I:  “What am I supposed to do with it?!  Never mind.  Oh, great.
Now I know where I’ve seen this emblem.  Kamaros, or should I
say, Karkus.  You know, if you’re gonna reinvent yourself, you
really ought to change the markings on your swords.”

Sal:  “Karkus?”

Mar:  “Butcher of Thessaly?”

I:  “The one and the same.  I guess you found manipulating
people’s minds a little easier than butchering them, huh?”

Kam:  “Much easier.  And you don’t even have to get your hands

I:  “Your hands are dirty.  You’ve turned those people into

Kam:  “People are sheep, you know-- born followers.  I merely
stepped in and filled the void.”

I:  “Prepare to step back out.  Salmoneus!  Take Mariah, and help
the others spread the news about their leader!”

Sal:  “I’m going as fast as I can!”

I:  “We’ve got to finish this conversation!”

Sal:  “Nice cut!”

I:  “Yeah.”

Mar:  “Come on.”

Kam:  “You’ve made a big mistake.  The butcher is back.”

I:  “Oh, brother.”

Kam:  [Laughs]


Aur:  “Where’s Iolaus?”

Mar:  “He’ll be right along.  Right now, we have to show these
people the real light.  You people have been duped by Kamaros.
Lorel isn’t a god.  She’s flesh and blood like everyone else.”

Men:  “You blasphemer!”  “That’s right.”  “Sacrilege!”

Sal:  “Maybe this isn’t such a good idea.”

Man’s Voice:  “Lorel is our god!”

Mar:  “No!  You’ve been tricked-- all of you.”

Woman’s Voice:  “Who do we believe?”

Mar:  “Kamaros is nothing more than a fast-talking magician.”


Kam:  “You’re wasting your time.  My disciples won’t do anything
unless I tell them.”

I:  “Well, maybe they’ll be a little bit more open-minded.  That
lotus leaf you’ve been spiking their food with-- it wears off
when you stop eating it.”

Kam:  “It’s a pity you won’t live to see the fruits of your


Aur:  “Lorel is my sister.  Kamaros drugged her.  He made her do
what he wanted-- so that you would do his wishes-- not hers.”

Man:  “You’re a liar!”

Lorel:  “My sister doesn’t lie!”

Man’s Voice:  “She speaks.”

Mar:  “Kamaros is the one who’s lied to you.  He doesn’t care
about your good-- only his own.  Why do you think he lives better
than everyone else?”

Woman’s Voice:  “Who do we believe?”


Kam:  “Let’s make this interesting, shall we?  The system of
pulleys and counterweights are rigged to the beams over the city.
When they buckle, this whole place’ll collapse in on itself.”

I:  “You’re sick.”

Kam:  “Maybe-- but I’m the only one who knows a way out.”


Sal:  “Friends, listen to her!  You’ve been brainwashed!  I was
brainwashed!  To serve Kamaros’ own purposes!”

Man’s Voice:  “What’s that?!”

Woman’s Voice:  “What’s happening?!”  “The [roof’s] falling in!”

Sal:  “Oh, no.”


Kam:  “Sorry you can’t come with us.”  [Screams as he’s chopped
into pieces.]

I:  “I’m not.”


I:  “Come on!  Over here!  This way!  Kamaros has rigged it so
the whole place is gonna cave in!  Come on!”

Sal:  “I’ll just be a moment!”

I:  “Salmoneus, what is more important?!  The gold or your life?!

Sal:  “I’m thinking!  Let’s go!”


I:  “Come on!  Come on!  That’s it!  Come on!  Come on!  Yeah--
go, go!”

Aur:  “Thanks, Iolaus.  She’s looking better already.”

I:  “Go, go!  Come on!”

Reg:  “Iolaus.”

I:  “Regina, I haven’t got time for this.”

Mar:  “She remembers you.”

I:  “Yeah, she’ll remember more when the drugs wear off.  Pity--
they had some great ideas.”

Sal:  “Yeah, and all that free love.”


Man’s Voice:  “Oh-- fresh air!”

Reg:  “Look-- it’s the sky.”

Man’s Voice:  “I can see the sun.”

Sal:  “It’s a souvenir-- there’s nothing wrong with a souvenir--
or two.”  [Laughs]

I:  [Laughs]  “Ah, Sal!”

Sal:  “Oh, girls!  Don’t forget Salmoneus!”

I:  “Well-- it looks like you got your story.  I’m just-- sorry
there were no visitors in it.”

Mar:  “Oh, that’s all right.  But, you know, I do high-profile
stuff, too, and-- I was thinking maybe you could set something up
for me with your buddy, Hercules?”

I:  “I don’t think Hercules wants to see his name in the
Star-Globus.  ‘Hero gives birth to two-headed dog’ is not really
his kind of thing.”

Mar:  “I wouldn’t do a hatchet-job on him.  I was talking about a
classy, high-profile piece-- ”

I:  “Oh.”

Mar:  “-- With maps to hero’s home-- something like that.”

I:  “Well, I don’t know-- I’ll have to think about it.”

Mar:  “How about over dinner?”

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