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"Reunions"  Episode 22/81


[Narrator:  "Last time, on Hercules"
Alcmene:  "You have made my life complete.  I couldn't have asked
for a greater gift.  I've no regrets."  
H:  "I love you, Mother." 
Alcmene's Voice:  "No regrets."  
H:  "What do you want?  Why are you here, now?" 
Zeus:  "It's time for you to take your rightful place-- by my
side-- ruling the gods of Olympus."  
Jason:  "We think it could be the right thing for you, Hercules--
to go to Olympus."  
I:  "Yeah-- maybe-- Zeus was right.  People would be better off
with you-- you know-- up there."  
Zeus:  "What's your answer?"  
H:  "I'm ready to go."]


I:  "Are you sure you don't want me to stick around?"

Jason:  "Oh, I can't ask you to do that.  Besides-- I've got
enough memories in that house to keep me company."

I:  "I admire your strength, Jason."

Jason:  "Well, Alcmene wouldn't want me to spend the rest of my
life mourning.  It'll take time, but-- I'll be all right.  Do you
know where you're headed?" 

I:  "Well, I've been thinking about my mother the past few days.
After all that's happened, I feel like I owe her a visit."

Jason:  "How long has it been?"

I:  "Ha-ha-- too long.  You know?  I was such a trouble-maker
when I was a kid .  And then as soon as I thought I was old
enough, I just-- peyoo!  She got married again, a couple of years
back-- to a poet.  I haven't even met him.  Hmm-- prodigal son."

Jason:  "I'm sure she misses you.  She'll understand."

I:  "Take care of yourself, Jason."

Jason:  "Yeah, you too.  Iolaus-- I know I don't have to say
this-- but it wasn't easy for Hercules to leave you."


Zeus:  "You're still having doubts, aren't you?"

H:  "Of course, I am."

Zeus:  "That's because you have a mortal heart."

H:  "It's never easy to let go of the life you've built-- or the
people you care about."

Zeus:  "Well, you have a-- new life to build, now.  This is your
destiny, Hercules.  Come-- join me, on Olympus, as a god."


Zeus:  "Welcome home, Son."



H:  "It's, uh-- been awhile.  I like what you've done with the

Zeus:  "Uh, it's not much, but it's home.  All-- of history is
recorded here-- the past-- the present-- woven into a tapestry of
time.  Look."

Y I:  "Later [echoes]-- "

H:  "Iolaus.  That was the day we met."

Zeus:  "You're a god, now.  You can look back on any part of your
life. What's the matter?"

H:  "I think I'd rather keep the past inside.  It means more to
me, that way."

Zeus:  "Well, then-- try the present."

H:  "It's Mother."

Zeus:  "You see, you don't have to say goodbye to those you

H:  "She looks happy."

Zeus:  "If anyone deserves to be in the Elysian Fields-- it's
Alcmene.  Not a day has gone by-- that I haven't looked in on

H:  "You mean, you've watched her entire life."

Zeus:  "She's always been-- extraordinary."


Hera:  "Oh, is she, now?  Well-- "


H:  "That's what you do all day, huh?  Sit around and-- spy on

Zeus:  "Knowledge is power, Hercules."

H:  "What good is power-- if you don't use it to change things
for the better?"

Zeus:  "Where you going?"

H:  "People need my help." 

Zeus:  "But, you just got here."

H:  "Look, no offense, but I-- came up here to try and make the
world a better place.  I-- I may be a god, now, but that doesn't
change who I am."

Zeus:  "Believe me, Hercules-- I don't want you to change who you
are.  I, um-- I'm just proud to have you as my son."

H:  "We'll finish the tour when I get back."

Zeus:  "Hmm."


I:  "Excuse me.  Uh, does Erytheia live here?"

Pandeon:  "Who wants to know?"

Erytheia:  "Iolaus?"

I:  "Hello, Mother."  [Laughs]

Erytheia:  "This is such a surprise."

Pandeon:  "So-- you're Iolaus."

I:  "And you must be Pandeon.  I'm glad we could meet each other,
finally. I-I'm sorry I-I wasn't at your wedding.  Hercules and
I-- we were in Mycenae-- dealing with a-- a big, um--
fire-breath-- "

Pandeon:  "Don't worry.  We didn't expect you there."

Erytheia:  "What Pandeon means is, we-- knew you were busy."

I:  "Yeah.  So, uh-- so anyway, uh-- I'm sorry.  And, um-- I know
it's been a long time, but-- well-- I've missed you."

Erytheia:  "Come inside.  I was just preparing lunch."


Man:  "Uh!  Uh!  Uh!  Help me!  Help me!"

Girl:  "Daddy!  Daddy!"

Woman:  "Hold on, Thallonius!  I've sent for help!"

Girl:  "Mommy, help him!  Daddy!"

Zeus:  "Maybe I can help."

Man:  "Uh!  Help me!"

H:  "I hope this works."

Man:  "Uh!  Uh!  Uh!  Uh!  Uh!  Uh!"

Woman:  "What?  Uh!  The gods be praised!"

Man:  "Oh!  A-ha-ha!  Ha!"

Woman:  "Oh!  Oh!"

Girl:  "Daddy!"

Woman:  "Oh-ho-ho-ho!"


Erytheia:  "Have some."

I:  "Thank you.  I've-- forgotten how good a home-cooked meal can

Erytheia:  "Tell us more about, uh-- Hercules."

I:  "Nah-- I've-- I've talked too much, already.  Besides, I've
already told you all the-- juicy parts.  I'd, uh-- like to hear
more about you two."

Pandeon:  "Would you?  Well, where should we start?  I mean, you
missed so much."

Erytheia:  "Pandeon."

Pandeon:  "It's true, isn't it?  Your son drops by out of the
blue after who-knows-how long, and expects you to welcome him
home with open arms."

Erytheia:  "Don't do this."

I:  "I don't expect anything from either of you.  And I know I
haven't been here as-- as much as I-- should have-- but-- I-I
just-- I wanted ta-- "

Pandeon:  "Come-- you don't even know why you came, do you?  I
think you're feeling lost without your friend-- and you stopped
in for a shoulder to cry on."

I:  "Listen, pal-- you don't know anything about me!"

Pandeon:  "And whose fault is that?"

Erytheia:  "This is _not_ your problem.  It's between us."

Pandeon:  "It became my problem, every night that I saw you cry
yourself to sleep, because you thought he'd abandoned you."

I:  "Is that true?"

Pandeon:  "Sweetheart-- you have to tell him how you feel.
Welcome home."


Hera's Voice:  "They look so insignificant from up here-- don't
they?"  [She materializes.]

H:  "The only one who looks insignificant to me, Hera, is you."

Hera:  "I didn't come here-- to fight with you, Hercules.  I came
to make an offer.  You might even call it an offer of peace."

H:  "Huh-- peace."

Hera:  "Despite our differences, we've always had our contempt
for Zeus in common."

H:  "You and I have nothing in common.  Hmm."

Hera:  "Believe it or not-- I once loved your father, and your
father loved me-- until something else caught his eye.  As strong
as our bond was, it couldn't compete with his fascination for

H:  "Oh, please, Hera.  You have never loved anyone but yourself.
You couldn't stand to lose your power with Zeus, so you made sure
the world felt your pain."

Hera:  "I wanted Zeus to understand what he had done to me.  The
_world_ was incidental."

H:  "Not to me."

Hera:  "You're a god, now.  I don't want to fight with you
anymore, Hercules.  It's _Zeus_ I despise!  And I am not alone."

H:  "Why don't you just say what you have to say?"

Hera:  "Do you really believe he brought you to Olympus-- _just_
to help mankind?!"

H:  "Zeus!"


Zeus:  "I know why you're here.  Hera got to you, didn't she?"

H:  "Tell me she's wrong.  Tell me that you haven't kept
something form me."

Z:  "It's not as simple as that.  Hera would stop at nothing to
get me out of Olympus."

H:  "Is that why you brought me here?"

Zeus:  "You don't understand what's at stake."

H:  "Just, tell me the truth for once!  Did you lie to me, so
that I'd come up here and protect you against the other gods?!
Answer me!"

Zeus:  "Yes, Hercules.  I did."



H:  "I trusted you!  Everything you said has been a lie!"

Zeus:  "That's not true.  I meant it when I said I was proud to
have you as my son."

H:  "Well, I can't say I'm proud to be your son!  Why didn't you
just ask for my help?!"

Zeus:  "I knew how you felt about me.  I didn't wanna take a
chance that you'd refuse me."

H:  "Well, now you'll never know."

Zeus:  "Now, don't you walk away from me!  You've had my
protection since you were a boy.  You _owe_ me the same."

H:  "_I_ owe _you_?  You have permitted the greatest sorrows of
my life! Where was your protection then?  I owe you nothing!"

Zeus:  "I never thought I'd see the time-- when you'd take Hera's

H:  "I'm not on anybody's side.  As far as I'm concerned, you two
deserve each other."

Zeus:  "If you leave now-- don't come back!"

H:  "Take care of yourself, Dad-- that's what you're best at."


Alcmene:  "Oh!  [Chuckles]  You startled me."

Hera:  "I didn't mean to frighten you-- Alcmene."

Alcmene:  "I'm sorry.  Have we met?"

Hera:  "Now-- we have all the time in the world to become-- the
closest of friends."


I:  "Here-- let me help."

Erytheia:  "I can manage."

I:  "Mother-- Mother-- I know I've hurt you.  If you keep it
inside-- it's just gonna make things worse."

Erytheia:  "I always wanted you to go out in the world, and--
make a life, Iolaus.  And I'm glad you did.  I just thought I'd
be a bigger part of it."

I:  "I'm so sorry."

Erytheia:  "When your father left me-- I was so hurt.  I couldn't
understand how he'd-- choose a life of war over a life with me."

I:  "It was his loss."

Erytheia:  "That's what I told myself-- until you left, too.  And
then, I had to wonder if-- maybe, I'd done something to drive you
both away."

I:  "No.  No-- you did everything right.  It's me.  I'm the one
that made all the mistakes-- getting into trouble, uh-- stealing,
uh-- I couldn't come back because-- I was ashamed I put you
through all that." 

Erytheia:  "That was years ago.  You were a child." 

I:  "I know.  I guess-- I-- wanted to be the kind of man you
could be proud of."

I:  "I love you, Son.  But the truth is-- I don't know you _well_
enough to be proud of you."


H:  "Mother, I'm trying to work things out with Zeus like you
wanted-- but maybe, it wasn't meant to be.  I know if you were
here, you'd-- say I have to-- accept him for who he is, but--
gods-- you can't live with them, you can't-- .  Even though
he'll never change-- I can't turn my back on him.  For better or
worse, he, uh-- he is my father.  I wish you were here to talk to
me.  I miss you."

Apollo:  "Oh, Hercules!  You sound so grave!
Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!  Oh, 'grave'! Get it?!"

H:  "For once, Apollo, I hope you're here to pick a fight.  I'm
in the mood."

Apollo:  "Hah?!  What will the children say?!  You know?  The
funny thing about kids-- they love to play with matches-- but
they're afraid of fire.  Let me show you."


Teacher:  "So, class-- that's what is meant by the old adage--
'What goes up, must come down.'  Yes, Aristotle."

Aristotle:  "What about him?"

Children:  "Wow."  "Hey."

Apollo:  "Hi, Kiddies."

Boy's Voice:  "He's floating!"

Apollo:  "I love play time.  Hey, over here, Herc!  You ready for
me, old man?  Ha-ha-ha!"

H:  "You done playing your little game?"

Apollo:  "_Now_, I'm ready to pick that fight."


Hera:  "Your son has abandoned you Zeus-- and you have no allies
left to speak of."

Zeus:  "You will never, ever, take my throne."

Hera:  "I thought I was going to have to take your power-- with
the help of the other gods-- but-- not anymore.  You, dear
husband, are going to _give_ it to me."

Zeus:  "I would destroy Olympus, first."

Hera:  "You know-- I couldn't understand why you waited so long
to bring Hercules to Olympus-- until now.  You didn't want to
take him away from his mother.  She wasn't just a casual
encounter, was she?  You chose her."

Zeus [Laughs]:  "Your jealousy has made you delusional."

Hera:  "And you love for a mortal woman will be your undoing!"

Alcmene:  [Screams]

Zeus:  "What, in the name of all the _gods_, have you done?!"

Hera:  "I've taken her spirit from the Elysian Fields.  And
she'll remain like this forever unless you surrender your godhood
to me."

Zeus:  "And what makes you think I won't cover the world with
your ashes?!"

Hera:  "If anything happens to me-- you'll never find her.  And
you'll have to live out your eternity knowing that you couldn't
save the only woman you ever loved.  You have no choice."

Zeus:  "Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!"


Hera:  "You've always been so captivated by your pathetic
mortals.  Let's see how you like living as one of them."


Hera's Voice:  "You're a mortal, now."

Apollo:  "Ha-ha-ha-ha!  Hey, kids-- how about a barbecue?
Whoo-hoo!  Whoo-hoo!"

Woman:  "Ahhh!  My baby!"



Apollo:  "Whoo-hoo!  Whoo-hoo!  Ha-ha-ha!"

Man's Voice:  "Come on, now!"

H:  "Duck!  All right-- go!  Get them out of here!"

I:  "Hercules!"

H:  "Iolaus!  Make sure everyobody's out!"

Apollo:  "Whoo!  Whoo!  Giddyup, Horsey!  Ha-ha-ha-ha!"

Man:  "Wait!  Wait!  Come back!"

H:  "Apollo!  Ahhhhhhh!"

Apollo:  "Whoo!"

H:  "Whoa!  Hey!  Come on!  Would you stop?!  Whoa!"

Apollo:  "Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha."

H:  "Whoa!  Whoa."

Apollo:  "Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha."

H:  "You promised me you'd leave these people alone!"

Apollo:  "This is a special situation.  I took you once before!"

H:  "I've improved since then.  Why are you doing this?"

Apollo [Chuckles]:  "While you were saving all these worthless
peasants, Mom was giving dear-old Dad a-- what would you call it?
A demotion?"

H:  "What has she done with Zeus?"

Apollo:  "He's one of your puny flesh-and-blood mortals, now-- a
dried-up old husk whose time is nearly gone.  You could have
stopped him too-- if you'd been there!  Instead of here."

H:  "And how many of these people would be dead if I had?"

Apollo:  "Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!  Well, that was kind of  the point
of it all! But, who cares?!  Other than you.  And my guess is
you're next on Hera's list to be-- neutralized."


Women's Voices:  "Thank you, Sir."  "I'll be right with you.

Man's Voice:  "Who is this?"

Woman's Voice:  "Excuse me."

Men's Voices:  "Misguided sense of direction."  "The roof?"
"It's about that long!" "That's not gonna hold!"  "That's good,
isn't it?"  "Take the mask down." 

Woman:  "Ever see that man before?"

Zeus:  "I want one of whatever he's having."

Man:  "That'll do it."

Zeus:  "Something a little stronger.  Hi, fellas."

Woman at table:  "Hmm?"

Zeus:  "Is this the local health club?  Ha-ha-ha.  Ooh, look at
that little raven?"

Bald Man:  "What are you lookin' at, old man?"

Zeus:  "Not much.  Oh, Sweetie-- ha-ha-- this is your lucky day.
Have I got something for you.  Ho-ho-ho."

Bald Man:  "What do you think you're doin'?!"

Zeus:  "Aw."  [Makes kissing noise]

Woman and Zeus:  [Laugh]

Woman:  "Aw!"

[Barroom brawl]

Zeus:  "No, don't go, Sweetie.  This won't take very long."

Woman:  "You're OK.  What's your name?"

Zeus:  "Zeus."

Woman:  "Zeus?!  [Laughs]  Oh, that is rich!"

Zeus:  "Uh!  Ohh!  Ooh!  Shoo.  Oh.  You're a knockout."


Hera:  "Oh!  He infuriates me!  Wouldn't you know he would end up
with a bimbo?  Ares!  He's supposed to be suffering!  Driving
himself crazy, because once he was somebody!"

Ares:  "You know, maybe it might just come to him how miserable
he is without you."

Hera:  "If I thought he wasn't going to suffer, I would have
killed him outright.  Now-- I want you to go and do it.  Go down
there and kill him."


Woman:  "I'll be back."

Zeus and Woman [Singing]:  "You'll get no ambrosia
This side of Malaysia.
So, cheer up, my lad,
Pass 'em on!"  [They laugh.]

Bald Man:  "Come on in here, stranger!  Have a drink!  This guy
thinks he's-- Zeus!"  [People laugh]

Zeus:  "Hrr, hrr!  That's no stranger!  That's my son-- yeah--

Woman:  "Hercules?!  Ha-ha!  Stop it!"

Bald Man:  "You're killin' us, Man.  Zeus and Hercules-- what is
it?!  The circus in town?!"

H:  "All right, all right.  Let's go."

Zeus:  "Ahh, don't be a wet blanket.  These are very-- good

H:  "I-I-- can see that they are.  Come on."

Zeus:  "Yeah, well-- you and-- come on-- let's have a drink
together, just-- just you and me-- father and son.  Just a
little-- "

H:  [Exhales]

Zeus:  "-- drink.  Hmm?"

H:  "You're not safe here."

Zeus:  "Oh, I'm safe here.  That business with Hera is finished.
I'm as safe-- as a babe in his mother's arms.  Ohh."


Woman's Voice:  "[Says man's name?], I'll help you fix that

Pandeon:  "Hey!  Friend-- what happened here?"

Teacher:  "Apollo went nuts-- tried to burn the whole place down.
If it hadn't been for Hercules and Iolaus-- we never would have

Pandeon:  "Iolaus?"

Teacher:  "Oh, yeah-- school was on fire.  He went in and brought
me and the kids out. We would have died for sure if he hadn't
been there.  Risked his life, he did."

I:  "Pandeon!  This is no good."

Pandeon:  "I guess I owe you an apology."

I:  "No.  No.  I'm the one that should apologize, to you-- and to
my mother."

Pandeon:  "I had my mind made up about you before you ever came
home.  I never considered you do what you do for a good reason--
well-- a wonderful reason-- and I'm sorry."

I:  "You love my mother.  Well, so do I.  Ha-ha.  You're
concerned about her feelings, and this is a good thing, because,
so am I.  We can be friends, can't we?"


H:  "OK.  Come on.  I really, don't wanna have to carry you out
of here."

Zeus:  "All right, all right, now wait, now, don't be in such a
hurry to-to break up my pary."

H:  "Yeah."

Bald Man:  "Yo, Zeus!  Any more o' your family stops by-- we'll
treat 'em right!"

Woman:  "Yeah, like, uh-- Hades or-or-- Ares!"  [They laugh.]

H:  "So predictable."

Ares:  "Mom sends her best."



Ares:  "I should've known you'd be here to make this tougher than
it has to be!"  

H:  "You'd kill your own father.  That's low, even for you."

Ares:  "Hey!  Like father, like son.  Zeus stuck it to old
Cronus, like Cronus stuck it to his old man.  What can I say?
It's a family trait."

H:  "Hmm."

Ares:  "Well, that is new."

H:  "What do you say we, uh-- settle this the old-fashioned way?"

Ares:  "Mano-`a-mano."

H:  "One-on-one."

Ares:  "Face-to-face"

H:  "Eye-to-eye."


H:  "Ahhh!"

Zeus:  [Belches]

Ares:  "Whoa!  Ahhhh!"

H:  "Ah!  Whoa!"

Zeus:  "My boys."

Ares:  "Whoooooooooooo!"

H:  "Ahhh!"

Man:  "Ahhhhh!"

Ares:  "Ahhhhhh!  Ahhhh!  Ahhhhh!  Ahhhhhh!  Ahhhhhh!"

Zeus:  "Now come on, lads!  Now, go on, get-- get stuck in there,
eh?  Ha-ha!"

H:  "Zeus!"

Zeus:  "Make Dad proud-- sock it to him, Herc!  [Laughs]  Ahh!"

Ares:  "Whoooa!"

H:  "Zeus!  Zeus!  Zeus.  Zeus!"


Zeus:  "Ooh!  Oooooh!  Whew!  Huh?!  Hey, wh-- what's that?"

H:  "That would be pain-- something you've never felt before."

Zeus:  "This is not a good thing."

H:  "Well, you're hurt."

Zeus:  "How hurt?"

H:  "Bad.  You're dying."

Zeus:  "Dying!  [Laughs]  Now, that's impossible.  I'm a go--

H:  "That's right-- mortal."

Zeus:  "What did I do?  Did I-- did I drink too much?"

H:  "A building fell on you."

Zeus:  "Yeah, well it-- it feels like it.  Hey!  Now, you're a
god.  You can heal me."

H:  "I thought of it."

Zeus:  "So-- why don't you do something?"

H:  "Thought I'd let you get a real taste of what it's like to be
human, before I brought it up."

Z [Laughs]:  "Oh-- you're devious."

H:  "Yeah-- and look who's talkin'?"


Erytheia:  "I'm glad you came."

I:  "Me too.  I'm sorry it was so overdue.  I just never
thought-- "

Erytheia:  "Never thought I'd miss you?  Never thought it would
matter to me?  You should have known better.  You should know--
I'm very proud of you.  And when you were in trouble, and--
couldn't find your way-- I had faith in you.  And you proved me

Pandeon:  "Don't be a stranger-- you're always welcome."

Erytheia:  "Come back soon."

I:  "I will.  I promise."


Man's Voice:  "Let me make dinner tonight."

Woman's Voice:  "That would be quite nice."


Apollo:  "You're in _my_ yard, now, Buddy!"

H:  "I'm not your buddy."


H:  "Uh!"

Apollo:  "Whoooooa!"

Hera:  [Laughs]

Zeus:  "Hercules!"

H:  "Uh!  Uh!  Ahhh!"

Zeus:  "Look out!"

Hera:  [Laughs]

H:  "Ahhh!  Ahhhh!"

Hera:  "You fall, and that's all.  This is the abyss of Tartarus.
Old Cronus is down there-- captive till the end of time."

H:  "I'll watch my step."

Hera:  [Laughs]

H:  "Ahh!  Ohhh!  Ohhh!  Ohhh!"

Hera:  "Get ready for company, Cronus!"

H:  [Yells]

Hera [Laughs]:  "No!  No!"

H:  "Ah!  Ah!  Ohh!"

Hera:  "I'm going to miss you, Hercules."  [Laughs]

H:  "Ahhhhhh!"

Hera:  "Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!  Ahhhh, Hercules!"

H:  "I won't miss you."


Zeus:  "You sure you want to return?"

H:  "The only way I can-- truly help mankind is to be among
people, not above them."

Zeus:  "As a complete god, you could do so much more for them and
for yourself"

H:  "No.  You once said that I was-- born as the Fates meant me
to be-- half-god and half-mortal.  That's why I'm going back."

Zeus:  "Stubborn-- always so stubborn."

H:  "I take after my mother.  I don't want any special treatment
from you. I'll deal with the other gods and everyone else on my

Zeus:  "Well-- if that's what you want-- that's what you'll get.
Are you saying goodbye?  Is that what this is?"

H:  "This is me getting on with my life.  If you wanna be a part
of it, it's up to you."


I:  "Yah!"

H:  "Whoa!"

I:  "Whoo."

H:  "I, uh-- I missed you, too."

I:  "Hercules, uh-- it's-- it's  good to see ya."

H:  "It's good to see you.  Well, I-- I'm back."

I:  "Back?  You mean like, 'back' back?  Like, _really_ back?  No
more, Olympus?  No more, 'Hercules, the god'?"

H:  "No, just, uh-- half-god.  Ha-ha."

I:  "Oh-oh!  That's terrific!  [They laugh.]  So, what happened?"

H:  "I realized how much my family means to me.  And-- you're it.
Ha-ha. Wa, uh-- Iolaus, wait!  Is something wrong?"

I:  "No, no [Sniffs]-- I'm just glad you're back."

H:  "Oh."

I:  "So, uh [Sniffs]-- how was Olympus?"

H:  "Olympus, uh-- not very friendly."

I:  "Ha-- and, um-- Hera?"

H:  "You could say she's-- history."

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