Whoosh! Online
Edition Visit Shadowfen's Fan Fiction Index!


"Hercules and the Lost Kingdom"  Episode H2


Narrator:  "This-- is the story-- of a time long ago-- a time of
myth and legend-- when the Earth-- was still young.  The ancient
gods were petty-- and cruel-- and they played mankind for their
sport-- plaguing them-- with suffering-- besieging them with
terrors.  For centuries, the people had nowhere to turn-- no one
to look to for help-- until-- he arrived.  He was a man like no
other-- born of a beautiful mortal woman-- but fathered by Zeus--
king of the gods.  Hercules possessed a strength the world had
never seen-- a strength-- surpassed only by the power of his
heart.  But everywhere he went-- he was tormented by his
stepmother-- Hera-- the all-powerful queen of the gods.  Hera's
eternal obsession was to destroy Hercules-- for he was the
constant living reminder of Zeus' infidelity.  No matter the
obstacle-- as long as there were people crying for help-- there
was one man-- who would never rest-- Hercules."

Water Monster:  "You came searching for Hercules-- but instead,
you found your death!"

1st Man:  "Ah-h-h-h1"

2nd Man:  "Hera killed him!  It's only us, now!  We must find
Hercules before it's too late!"


2nd Man:  "We're almost there!  You're the last!  It's up to you!


Girl:  [Screams]


Girl:  "There's a giant coming!  There's a giant coming!"

Man:  "Where is that water I sentcha to get!  I've told you
before-- you don't work!  You don't eat!"

Girl:  "But it's true!  I saw him!  He's huge!  The ground
started to shake, and-- !"

Man [Interrupts]:  "Oh, so the ground started to shake!  What,
like this?!"

Girl:  "No, like that!"

Men's Voices:  "It can't be!"  "Shut the door!  Here!  Right

Man:  "Please!  Any-anything you want!"

Giant:  "I want-- Hercules!"

Man:  "Hercules?  Th-- there's no Hercules here!  What would
Hercules be doing in a crumby place like this?!"

Giant:  "Then I kill everybody!"  

A Man's Voice:  "Please!"

H:  "I'm Hercules.  What can I do for you?"

Giant [Laughs]:  "You are Hercules?!  I didn't come all this way
to kill something as small as you!"

H:  "Fine by me.  Look, why don't you sit down-- have some stew."

Giant:  "First, you!  Then, stew!  Come on!  Little man."

Man's Voice:  "Be careful."

H:  "You know?  This really-- isn't necessary."

Giant:  "Oh-- yes, it is."


H:  "Look!  You don't have to do this!"

A Man:  "Looks like Hercules has finally met his match."

Zeus [Z]:  "I beg your pardon, sir.  I don't think so."

A Man:  "What do you know, old man?"

Z:  "Oh-h, I know about these things."

H:  "Maybe we do have to do this."

Giant:  "Now, I kill you!"

Z:  "Huh?!"


Man:  "Here's to Hercules!  Slayer of giants!"

People:  [Cheer]

Z:  "Bravo!"

Man:  "Our little village will be famous forever!  And to show
our appreciation-- we're gonna build a shrine-- to you,

H:  "No shrine-- thanks.  I, uh-- wouldn't know what to do with

Man:  "But you must want something!  I mean-- _all_ the gods want

H:  "I'm not a god.  I-I don't-- _want_ anything.  I just-- wanna
finish my meal."

Woman:  "Hercules-- look!"

3rd Man:  "Are you Hercules?!  A hundred of us were sent to find

H:  "Bring him water.  You're safe, here.  Where are the rest."

3rd Man:  "Dead-- all-- dead-- killed by the queen of the gods.
She didn't want us to find you."

H:  "Hera."

3rd Man:  "Hercules-- ya hafta help us.  We've been driven from
our city-- and all our best warriors killed.  We've done nothing
wrong.  And still-- the goddess punishes us.  Please-- take our
side?  Help us?"

H:  "What city is this, my friend?"

3rd Man:  "The lost city-- of Troy."

People's Voices:  "Troy!  Troy."

H:  "I'll find it."

3rd Man:  "But you can't.  It's lost in the mist.  Only I can
lead you back."

H:  "Then you will.  Now, drink-- and rest."

3rd Man:  [Gasps, then dies]

Woman's Voice:  "What has happened?"

Man's Voice:  "Stay away from Troy."

H:  "Hey-- wait a minute.  Where do you think you're going?"

Z:  "Oh-- ho-ho-ho-- you were _great_ with that giant."

H:  "No-- forget about the giant.  How do I find Troy?"

Z:  "Hercules-- don't get involved."

H:  "`Involved.'  Hera killed that messenger in my arms."

Z:  "She does strange things.  She's the queen of the gods."

H:  "And you're supposed to be king."

Z:  "Who says I'm not?  Hercules-- if you were only nice to your
_step_-mother-- I mean, if you went into one of-- her temples,
and-- did a-- small sacrifice-- "

H:  "You've-- got to be kidding."

Z:  "Then you'll never find Troy.  She's vanished it."

H:  "So, you're not gonna help me-- again."

Z:  "Oh, how can I explain?  I can't."

H:  "Fine.  Thanks, Father."

Z:  "Hey-- hey, w-wait a second.  Wait a second.  I probably
shouldn't tell you this-- but you must find the one, true
compass.  It points-- directly to Troy.  King Omphale had it
last.  I can't tell you any more.  You'll have to find it

H:  "Why don't you come with me?"

Z:  "Oh-- if I were only a thousand years younger-- and single."


H:  "Excuse me.  Excuse me, sir?  Whose shrine is this?"

Elder:  "The shrine of the water god.  He withholds the rain--
and we have nothing to eat!"

H:  "Well, eat this stuff-- before it goes bad."

Elder:  `No, no!  This is for the water god-- in case he gets
hungry while waiting."

H:  "What's he waiting for?"

Elder:  "The virgin-- she's going to fall to her death-- in honor
of him!"

H:  "Sir-- human sacrifices don't work.  I'm gonna have to bring
her down from there."

Deianeira [Dei]:  "What are you doing?!  Go away!  You're
interrupting a religious ceremony."

H:  "Yeah, well-- if you're sacrificing yourself to the water
god-- he's not home.  You're wasting your time."

Dei:  [Screams]

H:  "See?  What'd I tell you?  That was close-- you almost fell."

Dei:  "I was supposed to fall, you idiot!  Didn't you ever see a
sacrifice?  A maiden, at the height of her fertility, is the
_only_ thing that can save the crops!"  [Screams]

H:  "So-- you're a maiden at the height of her fertility?"

Dei:  "You've spoiled it.  It took all morning for the rope to
burn through.  You have no right to interfere with my destiny
with the gods."

H:  "Take my word for it.  The gods don't care about your

Dei:  "And who are you, that you know so much?"

H:  "I'm Hercules."

Dei:  "You're parents named you after Hercules?  Hah!  What a

H:  "I don't have time for this.  I have to get to Troy."

Dei:  "Put me down!  This is between me and the gods!"

H:  "Would you stop-- squirming-- or we'll both fall!  What's the
matter with you people?"

Elder:  "She said-- her destiny-- is to be with the gods."

H:  "The gods don't care about her or you.  My own father's one.
I wouldn't trust him with my sister-- if I had a sister."

Dei:  "Which I hope you don't!"

H:  "Which I'm _glad_ I don't!  Forget the gods!  You can get
along without them.  If it doesn't rain-- irrigate.  I wouldn't
stay here if I were you."

Dei:  "Hey!  If you really _are_ Hercules-- then, obviously-- I
wasn't meant to drown in that mud hole-- which is why you came
along.  You're part of _my_ destiny-- which means-- you're
working for me."

H:  "Look, kid-- I've already got something important to do.
There's a whole city waiting for my help.  Unfortunately, it's a
lost city, which makes it harder to find."

Dei:  "But you must have been sent to help me-- whether you know
it or not.  Look, I've decided, the best thing to do is to travel

H:  "Is that right?"

Dei:  "That's right-- until the gods show me a sign."

H:  "Well, if you're gonna follow me, you better keep up with

Dei:  "I can keep up with you."

H:  "What's your name?"

Dei:  "Deianeira."

H:  "Well, Deianeira-- when was the last time you ate?"

Dei:  "I never eat.  Food's a luxury I don't have time for."


Dei:  "So, of course-- it was only natural I'd give my life over
to public service.  See-- my father was this really handsome
king-- who loved me-- more than anything in the world.  But then,
when his kingdom was threatened-- he sent me away for my own
good.  I think he made quite a sacrifice-- don't you?"

H:  "That's a well-known fairy tale, Deianeira.  My mother used
to tell it to me.  Who told it to you?"

Dei:  "I told it to myself, all right?  You don't think orphans
need fairy tles too?"

H:  "Well, sure I do.  I mean, we all do."

Dei:  "What do you know about it?  Your father's a god."

H:  Well-- he wasn't home much, I can tell you that."

Dei:  "Yeah, well-- my father-- is this really handsome king--
who loved me-- more than anything in the world."

H:  "Sweet dreams, kid."


Dei:  "Who are you?  Why do you follow me?  If you're protecting
me, here I am.  I could use protecting.  Wait!"

H:  "Who are you talking to?"

Dei:  "Nobody."

H:  "I heard you-- "


Dei:  "Don't just stand there.  You're blocking the road!  Will
you get out of my way-- you-- mountain of meat?!"

2nd Brother [Bro]:  "No one passes today."

H:  "I've come to speak to the king."

1st Bro:  "The king is dead."

H:  "The king's dead?"

2nd Bro's Voice:  "That's right."

H:  "I was sent by Zeus, himself.  I mean, there must be someone
I can see.  It's very important.  Come on."

1st Bro:  "Too bad.  You and Zeus are six years late."

2nd Bro:  "And no one passes today."

Dei:  "Do you know who you're talking to?  This is Hercules.  You
better get out of our way-- or he'll crush your skull like a bird
egg and make all the goop run out.  J-- "

H:  "Please?  Well, uh-- who's in charge of the kingdom?  I have
to see him."

1st Bro:  "Our queen sees no one.  She appears in public only
once a year at the great slave market."

2nd Bro:  "Which is today."

Dei:  "The slave market?  That's outrageous!  How'd you like to
be a slave?  But I guess you already are-- slaves to the slave

2nd Bro:  "Does she belong to you?  You could teach her some

H:  "Oh, whe belongs to no one-- believe me."

Dei:  "Twin half-wits, huh?  Mom and Dad must be really proud."

1st Bro:  "Come here!  We can get more for her at the market
after I cut out her tongue.  This will just take a moment."

H:  "Yeah-- I know."


Dei:  "Wow."

H:  "From now on-- be quiet.  _I'll_ do the talking."

Dei:  "I was only trying to help."

H:  "I don't need your help."

Dei:  "You're so ungrateful.  You know-- you don't ever thank me.
All you do is you always tell me what to do."

H:  "All right, remember what I told you."

Dei:  "Let _you_ do the talking."

H:  "That's right.  Greetings.  I'm here to see the queen.  I was
sent by the king of the gods."

4th Bro:  "How'd you get past the brothers?"

2nd Bro:  "Stop him, brothers!"

4th Bro:  "Prepare to die, trespasser!"


1st Bro:  "Don't let him get away!"

Dei:  "I _love_ this."

H:  "I'm glad you're enjoying yourself.  How many of you brothers
are there?"

6th Bro:  "We are the 48 sons of Martinus-- guardians of the

5th Bro:  "On the blood of my brothers-- now you will die!  Ah!"


6th Bro:  "And now, you will die."

Dei:  "Only 42 more to go."

H:  "_Not_ that way!"

Dei:  "What?"

H:  "How'd I ever get mixed up with you, anyway?"

Dei:  "Oh, that's great."


Dei:  "Why are we sneaking in?  We were doing great."

H:  "I have to talk to the queen about a compass-- not leave a
trail of bodies 48- brothers long, "

Dei:  "Surely, there must be an easier way than this.  Oh-- "


Dei:  "What did you push me for?!"

H:  "I didn't push you.  You fell."

Dei:  "No, you pushed me."

H:  "Now, listen-- behave yourself, this is a big city.  So keep
your mouth shut."

Dei:  "Don't tell me what to do.  I've been in a big city


Man's Voice:  "One day only!  One day only!"

Vendor:  "Tomatoes-- sweet and beautiful."

A Vendor:  "Hey, hey!  Try my rabbit.  Try it."

H:  "Hungry?"

Dei:  "Yeah."

H:  "How much?"

A Vendor:  "For you, nothing.  Tell your friends.  Tell them!
Tell them!"

Dei:  "This rabbit tastes funny."

H:  "That's because it's 'possum."

Auctioneer [Auc]:  "Welcome!  Welcome, everyone, to the queen's
slave market!  For our first item today, we have this
attractive-- former princess of Thessaly.  Still listed as a
virgin-- and with excellent references up and down the country.
She's anxious to find-- a domestic position-- and she can start
immediately!  Now, what am I bid?!  Who can-- ?"

Dei:  "How ya gonna get to meet her?"

H:  "I'll think of something."


Assistant [Ass]:  "So-- you're calling him-- `Hercules', hmm?
Heh-heh.  It might work."

Dei:  "He _is_ Hercules.  Look at him."

Ass:  "Ouch.  You convinced me, kid.  Like to come this way, uh--


Auc:  "And here we have Hercules!  Son of Zeus!  Available today
only!  For one day!  To clear fields!  Move heavy objects!  Or--
you name the labor!  At ten dinar-- who'll open the bidding?!"

People's Voices:  "Twelve!"  "Fifteen dinars!"  "A hundred!"
"Seventy-five!"  "Eighty!"  "A hundred!"  "A hundred!"  "Two
hundred dinars!"  "Seventy-five!"  "Three hundred!"  "Two
hundred!"  "Three hundred!"  "Three fifty!"  "Five hundred
dinars!"  "Six hundred dinars!"  "Seven hundred and fifty!"
"Eight hundred dinars!"  "A thousand dinars!"  "Eleven hundred!"
"Twelve hundred fifty!"

Auc:  "Sold to her Highness, Queen Omphale!"

People:  [Moan]

Auc:  "And may her Majesty-- find much pleasure in him!"


Waylin [Way]:  "Your Highness."

Queen Omphale [Omp]:  "I'll take this to him."

Way:  "As you wish."

Omp:  "Thank you, Waylin.  Are you comfortable?"

H:  "Too much so.  Queen Omphale, I-- put myself up for sale,
because it was the only way I could get to see you.  I'm on a
journey to the lost city of Troy-- and Zeus told me your husband
had the only compass that could lead me to it."

Omp:  "There's plenty of time for that when you've completed your
work here."

H:  "Of course.  What is it you want of me?"

Omp:  "Hercules, the best thing about being queen, is that I can
make a holiday whenever I want.  I've decided-- no one will work
in my kingdom today.  So-- rest here-- and tomorrow, we'll see."

H:  "Apologies, my queen.  You only have me for the day."

Omp:  "But I paid for a thousand days."


Dei:  "But-- but this is way too much for one day's work."

Ass:  "Sh-sh-sh.  If you find any more Hercules' like that, you
just bring them to me-- OK?"

Woman's Voice:  "I'll give you four."


Way:  "Is someone hitting this door-- ?"

Dei:  "With a rock?  Yeah-- me.  Where's Hercules?!  I need to
talk to him."

Way:  "This door-- is over a thousand years old.  And in five
minutes, you've made dents in it."

Dei:  "Excuse me, Eunuch!  I just gave you a message to give to

Way:  "Hercules is unavailable for the foreseeable future.  And
I'm not a eunuch.  I'm a slave."

Dei:  "What's the difference?"

Way:  "Ha-- uh-h-h-- I'll tell ya when you grow up."

Vendor:  "Lovely kumquats-- two for a dinar."

Dei:  "I _hate_ kumquats."

Vendor:  "You don't like a bargain?"


Drunk:  "Gods!"


Helena [Hel]:  "You're a funny man, Waylin."

Old Woman:  [Laughs]

Patron:  "Hey!  Watch it!"

Dei:  "Excuse me."

Barmaid:  "Welcome, slave."

Dei:  "Do I look like a slave?  Just give me the menu."

Way:  "I'll be back, Helena."

Dei:  "I'll have the wild chicken."

Barmaid:  "And to drink?"

Way:  "She doesn't like slaves.  You can be frank, here-- even
tyrannical, if you want."

Barmaid:  "She's a master?"

Dei:  "Look-- can I get some service, or what?!"

Way:  "Uh-- why don't you come to my table, huh?  The wild
chicken's gonna take a while.  First, you gotta chase `em.  Then
you gotta catch `em.  These girls work for the government, too."

Hel:  "Mm-hmm-- "

Dei:  "You're all slaves-- happy slaves."

Way:  "We have financial security-- steady work-- and no chance
of being fired."

Dei:  "You're miserable, and you don't even know it."

Way:  [Laughs]

Dei:  "You should be fighting to be free-- fighting to the death,

Barmaid:  "Appetizer."

Dei:  "Food?"

Way:  "When was the last time you ate?  We get three squares a
day working for the government, and a roof over our heads."

Hel:  "Mm-hmm."

Way:  "A toast to Queen Omphale."

Hel:  "Salud."

Dei:  "You call this a chicken?!"

Way:  "It's small and tough because it had to make it on its own.
No offense.  Oh, no.  It's Melus."

Melus [Mel]:  "Ya don't pay your protection money-- how we gonna
protect you?"

Dei:  "Just a moment, you!  I am Princess Deianeira of
Thessalonia.  And these slaves belong to the royal household."

Mel:  "It's just business-- Miss."

Dei:  "How much do they owe?"

Mel:  "Ten dinars a week-- three weeks behind.  Very sensible--

Dei:  "Don't be smug with me, you arrogant bucket of slop!"

Mel:  "Very well.  And know-- that if my men find any
impersonators to your royal family-- we'll honor you by slitting
their throats."

Way:  "Whatever you paid him-- he'll just want double next week--
unless you really are a princess."


Omp:  "You slept well, I trust.  You must be hungry."

H:  "I have no right to rest like this.  My-- journey-- is

Omp:  "Eat-- something.  You need your strength."

H:  "No.  What I need-- is the compass that points me to Troy."

Omp:  "These are my late husband's navigational instruments.
With them, he traversed the world.  They can guide you to where
you want to go.  Take what you want of them.  They mean nothing
to me."

H:  "Thank you, Queen Omphale.  I know this will take me to


Dei:  "Don't!  Hey, listen-- I know Hercules is in there.  You're
squashing my foot!  Tell Hercules his friend, Deianeira's
waiting-- and if he doesn't come out soon, she might not be
waiting anymore."

Mel:  "Princess Sayonara of Thessalonia.  Do I have it right?  Or
is it by any chance, Princess Dead Squirrel Meat?  Kill
everything-- except her tongue.  Bring that to me.  I want to
watch it flap in the dirt."

Mel:  "Get her!"

Goon:  "Out of the way!"


Goons:  "We got her!"  "That was easy!"

Dei:  "Hercules?!  Hercules!  Wait!  It's you.  You saved me."

Blue Priest [Bl Pr]:  "I must go."

Dei:  "But you've been following me since I was a kid.  I wanna
know why.  Hey!  I'm talking to you!"

Bl Pr:  "As you follow your destiny-- I follow you."

Dei:  "Follow my destiny?  What _is_ my destiny?  Tell me!"


Dei:  "Are you ready to travel?  Or maybe you need another couple
of days in bed."

H:  "This will get us to Troy.  The queen was very generous."

Dei:  "Hmm-- and of course, you couldn't say no."

H:  "Let's go, Deianeira-- time's wasting."

Dei:  "Not-- not so fast!  I made plans for lunch.  Come on."


Mel:  "Ya paid last time-- so ya can pay again."

Barmaid:  "I didn't.  I couldn't."

H:  "Excuse me.  Is there a problem?"

Mel:  "Not if ya got thirty dinars-- slave."

Way:  "Why don't you just leave people alone?"

Mel:  "Mm-hmm-- yeah, sure."


Thug:  "Haa!"

H:  "Huh?"

Thug:  "Ah-h-h-h!"

Man's Voice:  "Look out!"

Thug:  [Screams]

Dei's Voice:  "Sorry."


H:  "Goodbye, Waylin."

Way:  "Master-- every cringing cur in the kingdom owes you
obedience.  I thank you, from the bottom of my servile soul-- for
saving my life."

H:  "It's no problem.  I enjoyed it."

Dei:  "Bye, Waylin.  Don't be a slave all your life.  Hmm."

Way:  "I have no choice."


Dei:  "Can I try?"

H:  "Sure.  Get-- back here.  This way."

Dei:  "Oh."


Dei:  "How far is this Troy, anyway?"


Dei:  "Hercules-- something's been bothering me.  And if you are
a god, then you can answer it."

H:  "What bothers you?"

Dei:  "I wonder-- maybe-- I am one."

H:  "A god?"

Dei:  "Mm--hmm."

H:  "Don't be a god."

Dei:  "It's not up to me-- is it?"

H:  "Be a girl, and then a woman."

Dei:  "Just a woman?"

H:  "My mother's `Just a woman'-- and everyone loves her-- which
is why-- Hera hates my guts.  Look-- I know the gods, and most of
them are bums.  I mean, they kick people around because they're
bored or because-- some other god tweaked their nose.  They live
forever.  It makes `em crazy and mean."

Dei:  "What about you?  Are you immortal?"

H:  "You wanna know-- "

Dei:  "Mm-hmm."

H:  "And so do I.  All I can tell you-- is when the sun's out--
I'm gonna live forever.  then at night-- when I can't sleep and
the worries come creeping in-- well, the next monster's gonna get
me for sure.  You said somebody's been following you."

Dei:  "Yes-- since I was a kid."

H:  "Stay here."



Way:  "Hello!"

H:  "I don't-- need a slave, Waylin.  I mean, I appreciate the
offer, but it just wouldn't work out."

Way:  "But, ou saved my life back at the bar.  I've decided to
devote the rest of my time-- to your service."

Dei:  "Don't you wanna be free?"

Way:  "I can serve as a free man."

H:  "I don't need a free man, either."

Way:  "I don't think you realize-- how truly useful an obsequious
person can be."

Dei:  "You worm!  Haven't you got any self-respect?!  Look at

Way:  "Hey!  What do you want?!  I'm a professional slave.  It's
what I do-- and I do it well."

H:  "You have to admire a man who knows what he's good at."

Way:  "I await your command."

H:  "All right-- here's my command.  Return directly to Omphale's
kingdom-- and serve her for the rest of your life."

Way:  "Is that what you really want?"

H:  "Yes!"

Way:  "Then I must obey.  You'll never see me again-- either of
you.  But know this, Master-- whomever I serve in the future-- I
dedicate my servitude to you."

H:  "Waylin-- thank you."


Dei:  "Great.  We come all this way, and now your one, true
compass is pointing to nowhere.  I suppose it's broken now."

H:  "It's not broken."

Dei:  "Well, my destiny doesn't stop here."

H:  "Somebody's did.  Look at this boneyard.  Troy must be on the
other side of this ocean."

Dei:  "How are we going to get across?  We don't have a boat."

Bl Pr:  "Rise.  Rise, blue serpent, and do the work that Hera
asks of you."

Dei:  "Hercules-- I feel something happening."

H:  "Who is that?  Is that the man who's been following you?"

Dei:  "It's my protector, Hercules."  [Gasps]

H:  "Some protector."


Dei:  [Screams]


Dei:  "Did you see that?  It came straight _for_ me!"

H:  "I noticed."

Dei:  "I told you my place was with the gods."

H:  "Deianeira-- I don't think the gods hang out in here."

Dei:  "But they accepted me.  That's all that matters."

H:  "I don't know why you're so excited.  We're about to be

Dei:  "Don't you understand?  This is supposed to happen."

H:  "No-- _that's_ what's supposed to happen.  It's the wrong way
out.  This way.  Stay here.  Yah!  Hold on!  I'll come back for

Dei [Screams]:  "Hercules!  There's something in here!  [Screams]
No-o-o-o-o-o!  [Screams]  Did you kill it?!  Did you kill it?!
Is it dead?!  Is it dead?!"

H:  "It's dead!  We've gotta get outta here!  Give me your hand!"


Dei:  "It's Troy, Hercules."

H:  "How do you know?"

Dei:  "I remember, now.  It's where I'm from."


Dei:  "Why are you stopping now?  We're almost there."

H:  "Something's not right.  We could be walking into a trap."

Dei:  "Hercules-- you still don't believe my whole life's been a
journey here.  And whatever the gods intend, I _will_ fulfill--
with or without you."

H:  "I'm pretty sure it's a trap."

Dei:  "Then without you-- and fine by me."  [Screams]

H:  "Of course, uh-- I could be wrong."

Dei:  "Will you get me down?!  Get me down, Hercules!  Would
you-- ?!"

Telamon [Tel]:  "I've already killed you, spy-- but for
information to please my king-- I may loan you back your life."

Dei:  "Kill him, Hercules!"

H [Sighs]:  "We're your prisoners.  We won't resist."

Dei:  "The hell we are!  I'll die right here before you keep me
from my city!"

Tel:  "`Your city?'  The city is ours.  And though we may live in
the woods now-- the people of Troy will one day retake their
homes and be exiles no more."

H:  "Take us to your king."

Dei:  "Hercules, you want us to be captured?  I bow to no king."

Tel:  "You'll bow to the king of Troy-- who only knew you landed
the instant your foot touched our shore."


Tel:  "Up the stairs."


King:  "You found her."

Tel:  "As you predicted, my king-- an easy snare."

Dei:  "Hey-- what's going on here?"

King:  "Tell me your name, young woman."

Dei and King:  "Deianeira."

Tel:  "I don't understand.  I thought they were spies."

King:  "Will you leave us, my friends?"

Dei:  "Are you my father?"

King:  "Yes."

Dei:  "Yeah, but-- I gotta figure this out.  You're a king.  The
king of what?  The king of Troy?  So, how come you live in the

King:  "Your words-- still spill out.  Deianeira-- I did a
terrible thing-- which I've kept hidden-- all these years.  You
were such a beautiful child-- that Hera demanded I sacrifice you
to her sea monster.  I couldn't do it.  I sent you away-- across
the sea.  Yes, I-- saved you.  But Hera was angry.  She sent the
blue priest to drive us out of the city-- to live in the forest
as exiles.  And only I-- knew why."

Dei:  "Because of me."

King:  "I loved you-- too much.  I sacrificed all of Troy-- for
one-- tiny girl."

Dei:  "No-- you sacrificed your own heart to keep me alive.  I
found my way back, as you knew I would.  I will never leave you

King:  "I'm glad I waited.  The people need you, my daughter.
Lead them well."

Dei:  "Father?"

King:  "I have what I want.  The rest is yours."

Dei:  "Father.  [Cries]  Please don't go-- Father.  Father."


Dei:  "The king-- my father-- is dead."

People:  "No."

Dei:  "He taught us how to live when we were driven from Troy--
and that the spirit of our people cannot be broken.  We must
never forget him-- and the city that he loved.  this is

People:  "Hercules?"

Dei:  "He can teach us how to fight-- and win back our homes."

People:  "Yes."  "Yes."


Tel:  "Let's charge the city right now, Hercules, and see how
many each one of us kills before he dies."

H:  "There must be a better way than a frontal attack."

Tel:  "That would be the coward's way."

H:  "Well-- we certainly wouldn't wanna take the coward's way,
would we, Telamon?  `Cause that way, who knows?  Some of us might
get out of this alive."

Dei:  "I think we should go back now."


Bl Pr:  "The girl is here.  I can feel her presence.  She will
not escape me this time.  Prepare the sacrificial chamber."

Priest:  "It shall be done."


Man:  "Come out!  Come out, spy!"

Way:  "Ow!  Oh!  I'm not a spy!  Whoa!  I'm a slave!"

Man:  "The people of Troy do not allow slaves."

Way:  "That's all right-- I'm used to prejudice."

Man:  "You're comin' with me!  Come on!"

Way:  "Careful-- it's a thin cloth."

Man:  "Go on!  Get a move on!"

Way:  "Ooh.  Ooh.  Hey-- after you."

Man:  "Straight up the hill."

Way:  "Oh."

Man:  "Come on!"

Way:  "Ooh-- Zeus, it's a nice day."


H:  "No-- face the target-- at a right angle.  Don't square off--
OK?  You wanna grip the bow in the middle.  And hold onto it like
you have a bird in your hand.  Maybe we should find a-- different
weapon for you.  Use your back more when you draw back, OK?
Deianeira-- you have to get yourself into a rhythm.  You notch--
draw-- aim-- release.  That's good.  You have steady hands."

Dei:  "You can make `em tremble."

H:  "Uh, next time-- bend your left elbow a little more.  Are you
pulling back on that more, using your back-- ?"

Dei:  "You shoot well."

Tel:  "So, why do we need him?"

Dei:  "He's Hercules."

Way's Voice:  "Ow!  Y-- you know, I work a lot better without a
knife in my back."

Man:  "Just get on over there!"

Way:  "Excuse me-- what's your name?!"

Man:  "Just keep moving!"

Way:  "`Just keep moving'?  Is that a first name or a last name?
Just keep moving."

Dei:  "Waylin-- how did you find us?"

Way:  "Oh-h, it wasn't easy.  I wore the wrong shoes."

H:  "Waylin-- what are you doing here?"

Way:  "Hercules-- you know?  The more I thought about it-- the
more I think you're making a big mistake.  You need me as a
slave-- a good slave-- a slave who knows how to be obedient--
even if it means being a pain in the ass."

H:  "It-- `Obedient'-- I ordered you home and you've disobeyed

Way:  "That's a good point.  But what I'm trying to tell you--
without being obsequious at all-- is that my place is here with

H:  "Yeah."

Dei:  "Give me that.  Come with me."

Way:  "Can I get something to eat?"


Man's Voice:  "What do you think, Hercules?  Do we stand a

H:  "I've watched you training.  There's nothing wrong with your
swords or your bows.  But-- the enemy has them, too.  It's
difficult to be a warrior.  It's not easy-- to kill.  You have to
make yourself hard.  I want every fighter to find his own rock
and study it.  You ahve weapons for your hands, already.  Make a
rock-- your weapon within.  Because a rock has no mind or heart--
or hope or fear.  And if you're to succeed in battle, you must
rid yourselves of all of that-- and be hard."

Man:  "If we have to be-- hard like-- rocks to-- win our city
back-- then we'll be rocks.  You'll see.  Won't we?!"

People:  "Yeah!"

Man:  "Won't we?!  All right!"


Dei:  "The people know that you're behind us.  It means
everything to them, Hercules.  Thank you."

H:  "They still have to fight.  They just-- don't get the idea of
combat.  You know, they think too much.  They've memorized-- how
to shoot an arrow.  But if you memorized how to walk, you'd never
get across a room."

Dei:  "Why don't you ever look at me?"

H:  "Huh?"

Dei:  "Soon I may be dead and-- you never look at me.  I've
changed.  Can you see it?"

H:  "Deianeira, beauty's-- not important.  I mean-- it's your
spirit everybody likes."

Dei:  "You don't think I'm beautiful?"

H:  "Well, sure, but that's not what I mean."

Dei:  "Would you ever want-- to kiss me?"

H:  "I don't think so."

Dei:  "How about now?"

H:  "I don't think so."

Dei:  "Now?"

H:  "No.  Deianeira, wait!  I think-- you're a born leader.  I
mean, you're doing a great job."

Dei:  "Don't make it worse, Hercules."


Dei:  "Quit following me everywhere I go!"

Tel:  "I'm not."


Z:  "It's a great city, isn't it?"

H:  "Yes, it is."

Z:  "And you plan to attack it.  I don't think it's a good idea.
Hera likes the-- blue cult."

H:  "Yeah-- she would."

Z:  "Can't talk you out of it?"

H:  "No.  Troy belongs to these people, not Hera.  Why don't you
join us?  We'd be side-by-side for once, fighting for a good

Z:  "I haven't been in a real war for-- years."

H:  "Still got it in you?"

Z:  "What a question.  [Laughs]  Of course, I have, Son!"

Dei:  "Did you see that?!  That means that Zeus, himself, is on
our side!"

People:  [Cheer]

H:  "That's a nice shot.  But are you gonna help us or not?  I've
got things to do."


Tel:  "I'll lead them myself.  We'll fight our way in and keep

Dei:  "No.  If-- "

H:  "Good, you're together.  We attack at dawn."

Tel:  "Dawn?  Why don't we attack tonight?"

H:  "Because we attack at dawn."

Dei:  "The truth is, I didn't think we could do it before.  I
thought I'd just be leading our people to certain death.  But
with the thunderbolt, I know we'll win-- because the gods are on
our side."

H:  "There's not gonna be any more thunderbolts."

Dei:  "But I saw it.  Zeus is your father.  He'll help us."

H:  "Forget about Zeus.  Dawn's in a few hours.  And the fighting
will be bloody, so you better be prepared."


Dei:  "I must do something-- or they'll all be killed.  Priest--
where are you?  I can't let this happen."


Bl Pr:  "Come to me, Deianeira.  Fulfill your true destiny.  Hera
will open her arms to you."


Tel:  "Deianeira-- it's dawn.  Time to go."

H:  "She's not here."

Tel:  "What are you doin' here?  Where's Deianeira?"

H:  "I thought she was with you."

Tel:  "That was hours ago."

H:  "Waylin-- have you seen Deianeira?"

Way:  "She passed me in the middle of the night.  I thought she
came back to her hut.  I saw her go into the woods toward the

Man:  "Hercules-- she must have gone.  And, by the gods, she's--
she's gone alone."

H:  "All right, you stay here.  I'm going after her myself."

Tel:  "So am I."

Way:  "I'm going as well."

Man's Voice:  "Me, too!  Who's game for the attack?!"

People:  [Cheer]

Man's Voice:  "Let's get Deianeira!  And take the city back!"

H:  "No.  No!  There'll be no attack!  I'm going alone!"

Tel:  "I'm going, and you can't stop me."

Woman:  "But you'll both be killed.  There must be another way."

Tel:  "I refuse to take the coward's way."

H:  "I'm going, not you.  Telamon, just so you know-- I don't
need you to tell me how there's a-- hero's way and a coward's

A Man:  "`Coward's way'-- you're right.  The cowherd's way!
Why-- why didn't I think of it?!"

H:  "What, now you?"

A Man:  "Oh, no-- not `coward's way'-- `cowherd's way.'  I
remember, before we left the city-- the man who herded the cows
didn't like to use the main gate-- took too long to get downs to
the pasture.  They had a shortcut-- a tunnel."

Man's Voice:  "That's right!"

A Man:  "It got `em to the pasture quicker.  We called it the
`cowherd's way'."

Tel:  "You mean, there's a tunnel to the city."

A Man:  "Yeah."

H:  "Where, exactly, is this cowherd's way.?"

A Man:  "Why, it's down in the brush.  It's all grown over.
Nobody's used it for years."

H:  "Show me."

A Man:  "Yeah, come on."


A Man:  "Here it is."

Man's Voice:  "-- Hercules."

H:  "Remember your training now.  Stay alert."


H:  "Shh."


H [Whispers]:  "Shh-- quiet."


Way:  "There's nobody here."

Tel:  "Well-- what happened?"

Way:  "It's a little run down for a big city.  It's too quiet.  I
don't like it so quiet.  I like it better when people are

H [Whispers]:  "Waylin."

Way [Whispers]:  "Yes, Master."

H:  "Stay here.  I'm going alone."

Tel:  "We came to fight."

H:  "Look around you.  The doors were open.  There's nothing to
see.  You can't fight what you can't see.  You're in charge now,
Telamon.  Keep them here."

Way:  "Hercules worries too much.  There's nobody here.  I mean,
if there were somebody here, they'd come out, wouldn't they?
Otherwise, what's to stop us from coming in?"

Tel:  "I'm Telamon, warrior of Troy!  Are these empty walls my
only challenge?!"



H:  "Deianeira!"


Way's Voice:  "Telamon!  No!"

Tel:  [Gasps]

Way:  "Get up, Telamon!  Don't quit!"

A Man:  "Waylin, are you crazy?!  Telamon's dead!  We'll all be
dead without Hercules!"


H:  "Deianeira!"

Dei:  "Go away, Hercules!  You'll spoil everything!"


Bl Pr:  "Deianeira-- come to me."


Way:  "We don't need Hercules.  I've got Hercules in here.  Come
on, fish face.  I'm not afraid of you.  Don't be afraid!  If ya
stand up to them, they don't exist!"

People:  [Cheer]



Dei:  "Wait-- I wanna make sure.  If I go through with this-- my
people won't be killed.  And they'll get their city back, right?"

Bl Pr:  "You were always meant to die for Hera.  It's what you
were born for."

Dei:  "But my people-- "

Bl Pr:  "Look-- Hera is coming for you.  She's all around us.
Feel her power.  This-- is your destiny.  Embrace it."

Dei:  "But, I-I thought-- "

Bl Pr:  "It doesn't matter what you thought."

H:  "You know?  I'm getting tired of this."

Bl Pr:  "She belongs to Hera.  It is her destiny."

H:  "I don't think so."

Bl Pr:  "We'll see."


Bl Pr:  "No more labors for you, Hercules.  I didn't think it
would be this easy."

Dei:  "No!  Stop!  If you want me to sacrifice myself to Hera, I

Bl Pr:  "Good-- first I'll kill him-- and then I'll kill you.
Hera!  I offer you this small life.  May it give you pleasure."

H:  "Guess it wasn't so easy after all, was it?  Why did you come
here?!  What did you think you were doing?!"

Dei:  "I thought it was the only way I could save my people."


Dei:  "He said it was my destiny."

H:  "You followed your destiny-- and you found it.  But it wasn't
to sacrifice yourself.  It was to follow in your father's
footsteps and lead your people."

Dei:  "Will you rule them with me"

H:  "You don't need me."

Z:  "Son-- this isn't what's supposed-- to happen."

H:  "What are you talkin' about?"

Z:  "I can justify your saving the city-- but-- Hera wants-- the

H:  "Why does she get the girl?"

Z:  "Oh-- you expect me-- to explain Hera?  Hera's a goddess!"

Dei:  "Hercules!  Help me!  Hercules!"

H [Yells]:  "Hera!  You don't control our destiny!  We find it
for ourselves!  Ah-h!"

Dei:  "Hercules!  No-o-o-o-o-o-o!  He's gone."

Z:  "She won't hurt him.  She doesn't dare."

Dei:  "But I love him."

Z:  "So do I.  But his work is done here-- and he has to-- move

Dei:  "I'll never forget Hercules."

Z:  "Don't forget what he told you about the gods.  They are
jealous-- and petty.  Now-- listen.  You must follow your own

Dei:  "You are his father-- aren't you?"

Z:  "You see the-- resemblance?  [Chuckles]  No, no, no, no.
He-- he looks like his mother.  She's only mortal, but she's--
exquisite.  Well, I have to go, and you've got things to do."


People:  [Cheer]

Tel:  "You're alive.  Hercules saved you when I couldn't."

Dei:  "You're hurt."

Tel:  "It's nothing.  The people are waiting for you.  The city
is truly ours once more."

Woman:  "We're home, Deineira.  Thank you."

Dei:  "You were very brave."

A Man:  "Deianeira-- did you see us fight?  We were superb.  Your
father would have been proud."

Dei:  "Yes, he would have."

Way:  "Princess-- I know Hercules ordered us not to attack-- but
after Telamon got wounded, I ordered myself to attack.  And being
a good slave, I obeyed without hesitation.  I think I showed
them-- "

Dei [Interrrupts]:  "Waylin-- you're free.  And now you can work
for the cause of Troy.  I appoint you Minister of defense."

Way:  "Minister of defense.  I like the sound of that."

Woman's Voice:  "We must build him a shrine!"

Man's Voice:  "Yes, a shrine for Hercules!"

Dei:  "No shrines.  He wouldn't want that.  Hercules' labor is
done here.  I know that wherever he is-- he would want us to look
to ourselves now-- to believe in ourselves-- and always-- to
remember him."

A Man:  "Long live Queen Deianeira!"

People:  [Cheer]


Old Man:  "Hercules!  Hercules!  Well, they said you came this
way.  You've got to help us.  There's a monster-- a

H:  "A fire-breather?"

Old Man:  "A fire-- yeah, and-- and we've sacrificed everything
we have!"

H:  "Sacrifices don't work.  All right, lead me to him.  I'll see
what I can do."


Click here to return to the HERCULES AND THE LOST KINGDOMpage.

Guide Table of ContentsBack to Whoosh!