Whoosh! Issue Twelve - September 1997


Special to WHOOSH!
By Maria Erb
Copyright © 1997 held by author
365 words

Amazons:B*tch*n' Babes or Barbie Buddies?

You're soaking in it
Magic Hands?

Anybody notice all the closeups of Gabrielle's very short fingernails in THE QUEST (#37)? This has got to be a good sign.

Hey! I was supposed to be the ONLY brunette!

With their fondness for puka shells, Hillary-esque headbands, silly hats with feathers, and Wonderbras, the Amazons seem headed for exile in Barbieville. But what are they really supposed to be? Fierce warriors? Hardly. Touchy-feely matriarchs? Not exactly. Give'em a shot of Callisto to toughen up the ranks and lead them out of bland land. Then we'll see what these grrls can do.

I'm all for the sisterhood, but these chicks have got to have a little more going on than costume parties and clannish rituals. Between the rite of caste and the rules of challenge, it'd take something on the order of Hammurabi's Code to figure it all out. Or do we need an interspecies guide to XWP?

No, No...shoulders back, breasts out!
Gab's Fab Abs of Steel

That bloodline thing about true Amazonhood is pure bunk! Obviously, anyone with a fabulous midriff has got a shot at it. Why do you think Gabby started sporting that shrimpy green top midseason? Gotta show your credentials.

Just a second...your chastity belt is...'clank'...ah!
Hurts so good

Too bad Velasca had to turn into a disagreeable tornado and tempremental turncoat. She was one plucky member of the tribe.

I can't believe what I just stepped in...

I am the future...follow me

Love 'em, hate 'em, better get used to them 'cause we're going to see more of them in season three. Let's hope the scriptwriters quit fueling the Babewatch BC fires with girls who like to dress up and dance. Let's see something from the Amazons that looks like a community built on solid leadership, teamwork, harmonious communal living, and committment to shared ideals. We certainly don't need any more enactments of the worst stereotypes associated with women. (Is Velasca the ultimate backbiting b*tch or what? And Ephiny, interracial reformer or Centaur slut? You decide.)

Can someone PLEASE get a broom over here? Headgear for the upwardly mobile

Ephiny, Ephiny, Ephiny, what died on your head? What feathered carcass is strapped to your shoulder? Fashion diva supreme, luv ya in leather, but nix the headgear, 'kay?

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