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Editor's Note: This year's calendar is devoted to those dead, dead again, and once dead characters on Xena: Warrior Princess. To enhance your viewing pleasure, Whoosh! intrepid reporter Shelley Sullivan, with her loyal assistant Kym "Can I Get You Another Corpse" Taborn, hunted down the living dead for an exclusive interview with Whoosh!.
Callisto, Ms. January (01-15)
Ephiny, Ms. February (16-30)
Lao Ma, Ms. March (31-39)
Gabrielle, Ms. April (40-60)
Xena, Ms. May (61-77)
Borias, Mr. June (78-92)
Caesar, Julius Caesar, co-Mr. July (93-101)
Solan, co-Mr. July (102-117)
Alti, Ms. August (118-132)
Marcus, Mr. September (133-147)
Cyane, Ms. October (148-162)
M'Lila, Ms. November (163-174)
Hope, Ms. December (175-185)
Nebula, Missed The Boat Again (186-201)
Biographies
Callisto, Ms. January
Ms. January has been sanitized and bleached since her last experience with death.
[01] Ms. January was born and raised in a quaint village called Cirra in Greece before it was burnt to a crisp in a raid from lawless ruffians. Since then, Callisto became a god, for a while dabbled with trying to release pure evil into the world, then opted for annihilation, then decided against it only to become a minion to the devil (and she messed that up too). Her reward? Angel wings and a cleansed soul. Death has been good to Callisto.
Past Calendar Appearances: Ms. January was Ms. April in WHOOSH's 1999 calendar.Trivia:At the rate Callisto is becoming blonder, she will break all known natural laws by February 25, 2002.
Unique Skill: Can turn more good in less time than Xena.
Significant Other: Theodorus, unconsummated and deceased; had a one-hour stand with Ares in the bushes; Xena, life long obsession; might be dating Archangel Michael, but unconfirmed.
Children: None, but godmother to Hope.
Dead How Many Times: Twice, once by quicksand and once by Hind's Blood.
WHOOSH!:
[02] Callisto, it's nice to see you again.CALLISTO:
[03] We've met? I'm so terribly sorry, but I'm afraid I simply don't remember.WHOOSH!:
[04] We spoke last year, after your most recent death.CALLISTO:
[05]I've died more than once? Michael didn't mention that.WHOOSH!:
[06] Perhaps he didn't think it was important. You've died several times, actually.CALLISTO:
[07] I didn't get it right the first time?WHOOSH!:
[08] Oh no, each one was perfect, very well done. Certainly your fans thought so, because they kept asking for more.CALLISTO:
[09] I suppose it's hard to keep a good corpse down. I have fans?WHOOSH!:
[10] Yes, many of them. I'm here at their request, they've voted you as the most popular dead person.CALLISTO:
[11] Please give them my most sincere thanks. I thought perhaps you might have a message for me from that cute little angel...what was her name? Honey?WHOOSH!:
[12] No, sorry, no message. Her name's Gabrielle, though. Not Honey.CALLISTO:
[13] Oh yes, I remember now. Xena's partner. How is Xena enjoying her pregnancy?WHOOSH!:
[14] You know about that?CALLISTO:
[15] Xena wasn't the only one with many skills.
Ephiny, Ms. February
Ephiny's death came as quite a shock to the Xenaverse.
Just as much as figuring out where the heck her replacement, Chalupa,
er, Chilapa, came from.
[16] Ms. February comes from the Amazon Nation where she rose to Queen of the Amazons only to get kabobbed by Brutus. She was known as something of a radical, especially for her positions on Amazon/Centaur relations.
Past Calendar Appearances Ms. February was Ms. March in WHOOSH's 1999 calendar.WHOOSH!:Trivia: Ephiny really enjoyed wearing those bird masks. More than one would suspect.
Special Skill: Could lead Velasca to water AND make her drink.
Significant Other: Phantes, deceased
Children: (1) Xenon (strangely enough, he's still alive)
Dead How Many Times: Just once.
[17] It's a pleasure to speak with you again, Ephiny. How are you enjoying the Land of the Dead?EPHINY:
[18] Eph: And it's nice to see you again. Please thank all the fans for their support. The dead can hear the thoughts of the living, you know. As for this place...well, look around you, what do you see?WHOOSH!:
[19] Um, lots of semi-clothed women. Women in tight leather pants. Is that dancing I see over there?EPHINY:
[20] Yep. Some of them are more enthusiastic than skillful but it's the thought that counts. Gabrielle would have a blast, here. I miss her.WHOOSH!:
[21] And I'm sure she misses you. I assume you heard Xena's promise to you...about ensuring the Amazons continue on?EPHINY:
[22] Yeah, I heard it. Cyane had a few comments to make about that, lemme tell you, but she came through for us. I didn't expect her and Gabrielle to increase Amazon numbers personally, but whatever works.WHOOSH!:
[23] You're aware that's a rumour, right?EPHINY:
[24] Hey, I died in battle defending my people, not in some kind of la-la, song and dance land. Of course I know it's a rumour.WHOOSH!:
[25] You must be pleased that the fans miss you. Any chance of you're being revived? Lots of other people seem to have come back to life.EPHINY:
[26] I doubt it. I was one of the good guys, and being friends of Xena and Gabrielle pretty much means the kiss of death when it comes to returns. One of the bards here says it's got something to do with no dramatic tension in bringing back a good guy, but I'm a warrior...I don't know anything about that stuff.WHOOSH!:
[27] It's possible to be both warrior and bard, you know.EPHINY:
[28] Yeah? You might wanna tell Gabrielle that.WHOOSH!:
[29] Any last words for Xena?EPHINY:
[30] Yeah. Thank her for me. After talking to Cyane, I figure a broken arm was pretty small potatoes.
Lao Ma, Ms. March
Ms. March was wary of Borias and Xena.
She should have paid more attention to those wild and woolly kids of hers.
[31] Ms. March comes from the Land of Chin where she is still the deceased wife of the eminent philosopher, Lao Tzu, and the deceased mother of the infamously deceased tyrant, Ming T'ien and deceased party gal, Pao Ssu. Quite the politician herself, Lao Ma negotiated the complex treaty with Borias which changed the power distribution of Chin forever.
Past Calendar Appearances Ms. March was Ms. February last year. Oh, the vagaries of life.WHOOSH!:Trivia: Lao Ma still does not eat meat.
Unique Skill: Can spawn evil more than once.
Significant Others: Lao Tzu, vegetable; Xena, Warrior Princess, protege
Children: (3) Ming T'ien, deceased; Pao Ssu, deceased; K'ao Hsin, blissfully alive.
Dead How Many Times: Just once.
[32] I'm very pleased to be able to speak with you, Lao Ma. I was sorry to hear of your death.LAO MA:
[33] The vessel is no more. The essence goes on.WHOOSH!:
[34] Quite, and it's a very powerful essence, as Xena discovered when she and Gabrielle returned to Ch'in. The fans were hoping that you, that is, your vessel, would be waiting for them. Others have returned from death.LAO MA:
[35] There is no ending and so no return is necessary. I will always be here. I speak with you now, do I not?WHOOSH!:
[36] I think it was also the vessel containing that essence that held some interest.LAO MA:
[37] Possibly. Xena was quite interested, as I recall.WHOOSH!:
[38]She misses you, and so do the fans. Any chance you might find another vessel?LAO MA:
[39] There are powers greater than I, and it is to them you must address that question. If there is a need, it will be done. This is the way of things.
Gabrielle, Ms. April
Gabrielle bounced back quite nicely from her latest death.
[40] Ms. April was born and raised in Poteidaia, a village in Greece. She left the peasant life at a tender age and became a world-renowned bard most famous for recording the exploits of her traveling companion and reformed ex-Destroyer of Nations, Xena, the warrior princess.
Past Calendar Appearances Ms. April was Ms. January last year. OUCH!WHOOSH!:Trivia: Gabrielle has never quite recovered from being a plot device.
Unique Skill: She can tolerate Xena's idiosyncracies.
Significant Other: Perdicus, deceased; Dahak, estranged father of her child; Xena, usually alive
Children: (1) Hope, currently deceased
Dead How Many Times: Three definite. Once maybe. First time was in IS THERE A DOCTOR IN THE HOUSE, second was BEEN THERE DONE THAT, and third definite was in IDES OF MARCH. She might have died, but no one -- including the writers -- are really sure, in SACRIFICE II.
[41] Thanks for taking time from your busy schedule to speak to us.GABRIELLE:
[42] Always a pleasure. It's good to sit down for a moment. We've done a lot of travelling lately, and death wasn't all that restful. Talk about the vacation from Tartarus..er, Hell. Or wherever it was.WHOOSH!:
[43]In the time you've travelled with Xena, you've experienced death a number of times.GABRIELLE:
[44] Twice that I'm sure of. I never did sort out that lava pit, so I've learned to just go with the flow. Xena says you get used to it after a while.WHOOSH!:
[45] Yes, that was confusing for everyone. This last death seemed to have quite an effect on you both.GABRIELLE:
[46] You can say that again. We're just not feeling quite ourselves yet.WHOOSH!:
[47] And there have been other changes that the fans have noticed.GABRIELLE:
[48] We've tried to approach our lives a bit differently. When you're a publically known figure, it's tough to carry on the same way as always.WHOOSH!:
[49] How do you see your future with Xena? Has it changed much since we last talked a year ago?GABRIELLE:
[50] Not really. As I said last year, it'll never be a little house on the tundra, and that certainly hasn't changed. I don't have much that I can say about it, except that we're keeping our eyes open for the right kind of neighborhood.WHOOSH!:
[51] You're thinking of acquiring property? That's wonderful...a sort of holiday hideaway, I suppose?GABRIELLE:
[52] Sort of, yeah. Nothing permanent in the near future, you understand. Like I said, I don't like to say much. There's no telling what kind of effect Xena is going to have on property values.WHOOSH!:
[53] I hadn't thought of that.GABRIELLE:
[54] It's a concern, believe me.WHOOSH!:
[55] Things seem a bit different between you and Xena since you were resurrected.GABRIELLE:
[56] Appearances can be deceiving. I've got to save something for the autobiographies, so you'll have to wait for the whole story.WHOOSH!:
[57] I understand. To change the subject, you've certainly become very accomplished with your new weapons.GABRIELLE:
[58] Thanks. It takes a lot of work, but it's worth it.WHOOSH!:
[59] The fans certainly think so. They're surprised at how aggressive you've become.GABRIELLE:
[60] Yeah, that's what Xena says, too.
Xena, Ms. May
Xena found death especially fertile.
[61] Ms. May was born and raised in Amphipolis before being really messed up by a wimpy whiner warlord named Cortese. From there, Xena and others mutually used and abused each other across the map of Europe and Asia until a brief affair with Hercules taught her to unchain her heart. After that, she had some mythically bad hair days and met the bard, Gabrielle whereupon they set up housekeeping. They have been together ever since.
Past Calendar Appearances This is Ms. May's first WHOOSH calendar appearance.WHOOSH!:Trivia: Xena visits the various lands of the dead more often than she is actually dead. BELIEVE IT OR NOT!
Unique Skill: She can tolerate Gabrielle's idiosyncracies.
Significant Other: Gabrielle. Before then, she had some close encounters with some men and women but never anything that survived death or a spin-off series.
Children: (2) Solan, currently deceased, and currently an unknown child in her womb.
Dead How Many Times: Thrice and one 'possum. Died from being pulverized in DESTINY, died from many causes in BEEN THERE DONE THAT, and died by crucifixion in IDES OF MARCH. Played 'possum in THE GREATER GOOD.
[62] We haven't had a chance to talk before, Xena. How does it feel to be alive again?XENA:
[63] Other than the back aches, the food cravings, frequent trips to the bushes, weird mood swings...it's great to be back.WHOOSH!:
[64] It must have come as quite a surprise.XENA:
[65] Naw, not really. Been there, done that, got the tunic.WHOOSH!:
[66] So what are your plans, now? You're going to be a mother, again, but I assume that you're not going to give up fighting for the greater good.XENA:
[67] Gabrielle and I are just taking it one day at a time. There's a lot to consider, after all. A family of five just doesn't pack up the 'ol saddlebags and head down the road towards the nearest war.WHOOSH!:
[68] I suppose that's true. Still, life has changed for you. Caesar is dead, Callisto is dead, Pompey, Ephiny, Solari...XENA:
[69] Yeah, things are different. There's still plenty of butts to kick, though, even if I share 'em with Gabrielle.WHOOSH!:
[70] She's become quite the warrior these days.XENA:
[71] Yeah, she has, although I'm hoping she'll still want to tell a few bedtime stories, too. I like the siege of Corinth myself, but it's not something I want a child to hear. She can save that one for me.WHOOSH!:
[72] I asked Gabrielle about the changes that seem to have taken place between you since you were resurrected.XENA:
[73] Yeah, she mentioned that, but you're gonna have to wait and read all about it. Once we hang up the weapons, whenever that is, dinars have to come from someplace and Gabrielle has high hopes for these autobiographies. That's our retirement fund.WHOOSH!:
[74] Fans have wondered where your current stock of dinars comes from, since Gabrielle hasn't been telling stories lately. There's speculation that you've got caches of dinars around the countryside from your warlord days.XENA:
[75] Even if I did, do you honestly think I'd spend a single dinar of it, considering where it came from?WHOOSH!:
[76] You did find the Sumerian treasure. That would take care of the retirement fund, wouldn't it?XENA:
[77] I suppose it would. Nice try, but no dice. Buy the scrolls.
Borias, Mr. June
Other than Gabrielle, Borias was Xena's longest companion.
[78] Mr. June was born somewhere on the Russian steppes where he worked hard on his accent. He at first was manipulated by the far smarter (but less wise) Xena, but later evolved into a capble leader. He tried to get Xena to see the error of her ways, but she still had ten more winters to get through, so she said, "Get lost, loser!".
Past Calendar Appearances This is Mr. June's first WHOOSH calendar appearance.WHOOSH!:Trivia: Boris of Boris and Natasha fame is NOT a descendent of Borias.
Unique Skill: Can mate in any position.
Significant Other: Xena. Then she dumped him and he died.
Children: (1) Solan, currently deceased.
Dead How Many Times: Just once in PAST IMPERFECT.
[79] Thanks for talking with me, Borias.BORIAS:
[80] You're welcome.WHOOSH!:
[81] The fans have voted you onto the favorite dead persons list. How do you feel about that?BORIAS:
[82] I am not sure. Am I a favorite because I am dead, or dead because I am a favorite?WHOOSH!:
[83] Good question, although you've been dead for over 10 years. Maybe a little of both.BORIAS:
[84] My poor little Xena. So long without comfort.WHOOSH!:
[85] Um. So you miss Xena and your son?BORIAS:
[86] I was going to settle down with a nice territory, a steady income of tributes and enjoy the odd raid while Xena and I raised my son. I miss smell of burning buildings, the sight of cowering villagers, the clink of the coins, Xena snarling at me when I throw her off the horse. Death just isn't the same.WHOOSH!:
[87] Sounds very domestic. Do you think Xena would have accepted that kind of a life?BORIAS:
[88] I did not have a chance to find out, but I would have talked her into it. Women love my accent.WHOOSH!:
[89] You died very heroically. The fans thought you were very loyal and brave.BORIAS:
[90] But of course. I was not called the Great Borias for one reason only, you understand.WHOOSH!:
[91] Mmm. So is there anything you'd like to say?BORIAS:
[92] Please ask Xena why I have only heard her thoughts a few times in all these years. And who is this "Gabrielle"?
Caesar,Julius Caesar, Co-Mr. July
Caesar, Julius Caesar finally got it from Brutus and not Xena.
[93] Co-Mr. July was born into a patrician family where he was raised to have a large ego. He was captured by the pirate Xena and tried to crucify her. He tried again ten winters plus and was successful, but unfortunately he was checking out at the same time.
Past Calendar Appearances This is Caesar, Julius Caesar's first calendar appearance.WHOOSH!:Trivia: Although he did not act like it, getting that spear splinter through his hand really hurt bad.
Unique Skill:Can really irk Xena in ways many wish they could.
Significant Other: Who cares?
Dead How Many Times: Just once.
[94] Caesar, I'd like to congratulate you on being voted onto the favorite dead persons' list.CAESAR:
[95]Thank you. I feel it's no more than my due.WHOOSH!:
[96] How did it feel, being killed at the moment of achieving your wish to see Xena dead?CAESAR:
[97] I was disappointed that I couldn't enjoy it longer. But after all, history remembers the name Caesar. My destiny lives on.WHOOSH!:
[98] Why do you think the fans voted for you?CAESAR:
[99]They recognized true greatness and a worthy adversary for the Warrior Princess.WHOOSH!:
[100] Really?CAESAR:
[101]It's also possible that it's because I didn't die immediately after sleeping with Xena. She tends to have that effect on men, I understand.
Solan, Co-Mr. July
Solan was the offspring of Xena and Borias who was raised by Centaurs.
[102] Co-Mr. July was born in some yurt on the Caucus plains. Cursed by Alti, abandoned by his mother after his father's death, and raised by Centaurs, Solan grew up to be a likeable kid. But then he was killed by Hope and then created Illusia in his spare time. He was later hired by Lego to build Legoland. He is reportedly thinking about an IPO.
Past Calendar Appearances This is Solan's first calendar appearance.WHOOSH!:Trivia: With no signs of divinity or blessing from the gods, this off-spring of two apparently mortal humans, AFTER HE WAS DEAD, created Illusia. BELIEVE IT OR NOT!
Unique Skill: Can lose his accent and find it again within seconds.
Significant Other: Solan bought the farm before puberty hence no S.O. or progeny.
Dead How Many Times: Once is enough for most people, including Solan.
[103] It's a pleasure to speak with you, Solan.SOLAN:
[104] Thanks, it's nice to know people remember me.WHOOSH!:
[105]In light of recent events, I don't think that's surprising. Many fans were very sorry when you...died.SOLAN:
[106] It's okay, it doesn't bother me to talk about it. Things worked out fine, though. I got to help Mom and Gabrielle when they needed it.WHOOSH!:
[107] I'm sure the fans would want me to ask this question: just how did you manage to create Illusia? No disrespect, but you were just an ordinary boy, not a god.SOLAN:
[108] That would be telling.WHOOSH!:
[109] Well, yes. That's why I asked the question. So you'd tell us.SOLAN:
[110] About all I can say is that when Mom and Gabrielle needed to remember the important stuff, the powers made sure that could happen. I could hear both of them thinking about me and each other, so I just...did it. I'm not really sure how, myself. It's just one of those things that you gotta take on faith, I guess.WHOOSH!:
[111] Are you sorry you didn't get the chance to travel with your Mom?SOLAN:
[112] Yeah, kinda. Things are pretty neat here, but there's a lot that Mom and Gabrielle could have taught me.WHOOSH!:
[113] I'd like to ask you about Hope.SOLAN:
[114] She was okay, for a girl. It's not like there was anything personal in what she did. The way I see it, she had a job to do and she did it. It was sure rough on Gabrielle, though. She still thinks about her. Mom does too, but she's trying hard not to. Can I ask you a question?WHOOSH!:
[115] Sure.SOLAN:
[116] How come they never talk to each other?WHOOSH!:
[117] It's a mystery to me, Solan. Maybe you should ask the powers the next time you see them.
Alti, Ms. August
Alti gets a better warddrobe each time she dies.
[118] Ms. August's birth and early years are shrouded in mystery, however, at some point she tried to join a local Amazon group and after being spurned she decided to become an Evil Shamaness (tm) just to show them! And boy, did she show them, and Xena too!
Past Calendar Appearances This is Ms. August's first WHOOSH calendar appearance.WHOOSH!:Trivia: Alti likes to do Janis Joplin songs when kareoking.
Unique Skill: She can tie cherry stems with her tongue.
Significant Other: Alti has never even been on a proper date, let alone a successful one. There are no significant others for Alti. She did try to hit on Xena, though, but it didn't work out.
Dead How Many Times: Three. Her spirit was skewered in ADVENTURES IN THE SIN TRADE II, she blew up in BETWEEN THE LINES, and her spirit in skeletal form got dusted in THEM BONES THEM BONES.
[119] I've never interviewed an essence of true evil before.ALTI:
[120] First time for everything, dear. Is there someone I could get you before we talk?WHOOSH!:
[121] Um, no, thanks. Could I ask why you're so interested in Xena?ALTI:
[122] Aside from the fact that she's almost as tall as I am, there's all that delicious darkness just waiting for the right outlet.WHOOSH!:
[123] And that would be you?ALTI:
[124] That would be a village here, a city-state there...lots of fear and terror to feed on. I have quite an appetite.WHOOSH!:
[125] I'd just like to congratulate you on being voted a popular dead person. Why do you think the fans respond to you?ALTI:
[126] I'm so purely vile, I think. That little blond wannabe, what was her name? Callisto, yes, so hung up on torturing Xena, and she couldn't bring herself to kill off her little sidekick. I'm much more of a threat in so many more ways, and I look good in leather, too.WHOOSH!:
[127] You don't think the fans hated you for going after Xena's baby and killing Gabrielle?ALTI:
[128] Of course not. Nothing brings Xena and Gabrielle together like a good threat. Those silly little spirits in Chi'in were nothing compared to the effect I had on them. And I won't be trapped here forever, you know. Tall, dark and deadly enemies don't come from thin air. Except me.WHOOSH!:
[129]From the evil of the earth, I believe Naima said in India.ALTI:
[130] I have fond memories of Kindin. So many wonderful deaths, so much terror.WHOOSH!:
[131] I'm not sure Xena and Gabrielle would agree with you.ALTI:
[132] But the fans should thank me. The little blond bitch looks pretty good these days, don't you think? And she's got plenty of power of her own..hmmm.
Marcus, Mr. September
Marcus enjoyed his 48 hour leave from death.
[133] Mr. September has a sketchy past, but he was Xena's friend and she did go to Tartarus and back to bring a little aid and comfort to the dead.
Past Calendar Appearances Mr. September was Mr. June in WHOOSH's 1997 Calendar.WHOOSH!:Trivia: He was Xena's FRIEND.
Unique Skill: The man's a regular pointed object magnet.
Significant Other: Xena. Once you've had the best, you never look again, especially if you are dead.
Children: Unknown
Dead How Many Times: Twice. He got it in PATH NOT TAKEN, but that did not stop him from returning to the living and then having Xena do a mercy dispatch in MORTAL BELOVED.
[134] How are you enjoying the Elysian Fields, Marcus? It seems very nice, here.MARCUS:
[135] It's not bad. It was a bit lonely at first, there's not a lot of people I know here, after all. I did meet this one guy, though, and we hang around together so it's worked out fine.WHOOSH!:
[136] I understand that Hades told you the news about the fan voting when he arranged this visit for WHOOSH.MARCUS:
[137] Yes, and I'm delighted the fans remember me. Not like some people I could mention.WHOOSH!:
[138] I'm not quite sure what you mean.MARCUS:
[139] Do you know how long it's been since a certain someone even spared a fleeting thought for me? Years! Talk about burn 'em and move on...you'd think there'd be at least a flicker of affection. Perdy warned me, but did I listen?WHOOSH!:
[140] Perdy? You mean Perdicus? Gabrielle's dead mist...er, husband? That Perdicus?MARCUS:
[141] Yeah, we're buddies. Didn't I mention that?WHOOSH!:
[142] No, you sure didn't. How is Perdicus?MARCUS:
[143] Wondering the same thing I am. Hey, almost everyone else has come back..maybe we could, too. We'd be a real team.WHOOSH!:
[144] Um, I think Xena's found another team to play on.MARCUS:
[145] No, no. Me and Perdicus. We could really give the bards something to talk about. I do the kick-butt, he can do the sensitive stuff. What do you think?WHOOSH!:
[146] I'm not sure I can find the words. Hades says I have to go now. Thanks for taking the time to speak with me.MARCUS:
[147] Thanks for coming, and thank the fans for me. Perdy says to say hi to Gabrielle for him, and give my best to Xena.
Cyane, Ms. October
My name is Cyane. I will be your Amazon this evening. May I help you?
[148] Ms. October was born and raised in Amazon aristocracy. She tried to seduce Xena into the Amazon way but only got herself stuck rather painfully to a tree.
Past Calendar Appearances This is Ms. October's first WHOOSH calendar appearance.WHOOSH!:Trivia: Cyane and Cyrene are often confused, and we have no idea why!
Unique Skill: Fast dresser.
Dead How Many Times: Once. By Xena in ADVENTURES IN THE SIN TRADE II
[149] This is a nice Eternity you have here, Cyane. A little warmer than the Land of the Dead, huh?CYANE:
[150] Yes, it's nice to be back in a comfortable thong instead of all those dead animals.WHOOSH!:
[151] On behalf of the fans, may I say that you look lovely in both?CYANE:
[152] Yeah, you can say that, thanks.WHOOSH!:
[153] The way you died was pretty shocking. There were fans who didn't think Xena would do such a thing.CYANE:
[154] Really? After what she did in Ch'in? Xena was like that in those days...use 'em up and throw 'em away. Still, she lost to an Amazon in the end, and it's not the battle that counts, it's the war. Eventually she did the right thing.WHOOSH!:
[155] When did she lose to an Amazon?CYANE:
[156] The minute she laid eyes on Gabrielle. Those southern tribes put so much emphasis on formality...Gabrielle was always an Amazon at heart, she just didn't know it. Put that woman in a thong and she'd fit right in.WHOOSH!:
[157] I'm not sure the fans could take that.CYANE:
[158] She sure makes every inch count, doesn't she?WHOOSH!:
[159] I'm surprised that you'd see something like that.CYANE:
[160] I'm dead, not dissolved. Believe me, if Gabrielle adopts a thong, I'll be praying to the spirits every hour to bring me back to life. Then we'll see how much compassion Xena *really* has. She got her mercy moment with the dead guy, no reason Gabrielle can't have one, too.WHOOSH!:
[161] But Gabrielle doesn't even know you.CYANE:
[162] Dead strangers can be temporary..um, friends..who have't met yet. If the powers want it...it'll happen.
M'Lila, Ms. November
M'Lila taught Xena how to do accupressure for fun and profit.
[163] M'Lila was born in the Land of the Pharaohs, sold into slavery, and then sold in Gaul. She was killed while trying to defend Xena against soldiers of Caesar, Julius Caesar.
Past Calendar Appearances Ms. November was Ms. May in last year's calendar.WHOOSH!:Trivia: M'Lila was never given a universal translator. Her manger complained to no avail because he did not have one either.
Special Skill: M'Lila can find Nicklio's hospice in snow storms.
Dead How Many Times: Once. She took a sword for Xena in DESTINY
[164] It's been a year since we last spoke, M'Lila. You seem well.M'LILA'S TRANSLATOR:
[165] Thank you. I'm feeling fine, and it's great to speak to the fans again. I appreciate them, and WHOOSH, for giving me this opportunity. It gets a bit lonely out here, waiting to see if Xena's going to send herself to limbo again.WHOOSH!:
[166] I don't think there's much danger of that. The last time she died, she ended up higher on the afterlife ladder.M'LILA'S TRANSLATOR:
[167] That's a relief. All this ring of fire stuff is hard on the skin. So what happened to her this time?WHOOSH!:
[168] The usual. Caesar and his cross fixation. This time he got Gabrielle, too.M'LILA'S TRANSLATOR:
[169] I told her not to trust men with bowl haircuts. Are they alright?WHOOSH!:
[170] Well, they died, went to Hell, got saved, Xena lost her darkside temporarily, Xena got pregnant and mushy, Gabrielle got violent and grim, they don't talk much, Xena's pregnancy has mysteriously endured running around Greece and at least one multi-thousand league trip to Ch'in and back without giving birth yet, her soul got popped into some kid and Gabrielle has writers' block and a horse, and ...M'LILA'S TRANSLATOR:
[171] Maybe I could come back. Nothing much ever happens here.WHOOSH!:
[172] It sounds more exciting than it is. Although I can think of someone you could use those pressure points on.M'LILA'S TRANSLATOR:
[173] Caesar is already dead, is he not?WHOOSH!:
[174] Yes. It wasn't him I was thinking of.
Hope, Ms. December
Hope just gets better each time she returns.
[175] Ms. December was born in Britania. After her mother attempted to poison her, she was then cast down a river in a basket. She later visited Uncle Hercules' show where she was quite mischievous. After finding herself again in Aunt Xena's show, her mother threw her down into a lava pit. But she bounced back only to be lethally hugged by her only child, The Destroyer.
Past Calendar Appearances This is Ms. December's first WHOOSH calendar appearance.Trivia: All she wants is a little respect from her mother.
Unique Skill: Before metamorphosis, she could dematerialize at will.
Significant Other: Ares.
Children: (1) The Destroyer, deceased.
Dead How Many Times: Quite a few times and on more than one show.
WHOOSH!:
[176] This is a little disconcerting, Hope. You look very much like your Mother.HOPE:
[177] And how is dear Mother? It's not as if I can ask her myself.WHOOSH!:
[178] I'm sure she'd be glad to know that you're...as well as can be expected.HOPE:
[179] For someone impaled and dead, do you mean?WHOOSH!:
[180] She didn't want to do that Hope, and she just couldn't come up with a way to save you.HOPE:
[181] Like she tried. Xena wanted me dead, and I'm dead. I could have been a good daughter. Well, maybe not good, exactly, but not evil, like Xena thought.WHOOSH!:
[182] Well, you did kill Xena's son. Did you think that wouldn't bother her?HOPE:
[183] And how many mothers' sons has Xena killed? Mother didn't let little details like that bother her. At least the fans appreciate me.WHOOSH!:
[184] Hm. How about you tried to kill Lila? Or bring total evil into the world?HOPE:
[185] Is daddy my fault? I wanted my Mother and I got Auntie Callisto and Ares. Xena kills hundreds of thousands and she gets Lao Ma and Mother. Some days it just doesn't pay to climb off the niche.
Nebula, Missed The Boat Again
Nebula stopped dating Dahak because of his incessant and not-that-funny practical jokes.
[186] Nebula became the Queen of Sumeria after her brother sold his soul to Dahak. Before that, she was a successful pirate and heavy partier. Iolaus dumped her after his latest return to life.
Past Calendar Appearances Ms. Missed The Boat has NEVER appeared in any WHOOSH calendar.WHOOSH!:Trivia: She has still not yet met Xena.
Special skills: She has many skills.
Significant Other: Iolaus, but he dumped he when HE returned from the dead his umpteenth time; Dahak, blind date.
Children: Unknown.
Dead How Many Times: Never been dead. Soon to be the title of a Drew Barrymore movie.
[187] Nebula, it's been a hectic few weeks. I'm tired from travelling and you weren't in the fan voting, so what do you want?NEBULA:
[188] I want to register a complaint. This is so totally unfair. All those other people have done is die. Cyane's been dead for over 10 years and *she* gets votes? What am I...chopped seafood?WHOOSH!:
[189] You got an interview last year. It's not like Xena or Gabrielle have ever met you...why should the fans vote for you?NEBULA:
[190] Why shouldn't they? Xena and blondie get the fanfic, they get the deaths, they get the friends who keep dying, they get reincarnated a bunch of times, they get the evil and saintly babies...it's not fair. Geez, there's even flame wars about them, and I don't get so much as a spark.WHOOSH!:
[191] Suck it up. Life is hard and then you die.NEBULA:
[192] Over and over again. I got reincarnated, you know. In fact, I got the cool era...advanced technology, killer robots, tight costumes, the works, and do I get even one rotten mention in fan voting? No, not one. And I wanna complain.WHOOSH!:
[193] Okay, you've complained. Can you go now?NEBULA:
[194] I look great in leather. It's not my fault I haven't died around Xena. I would have, if someone had given me the chance. I think there's some sort of conspiracy to keep me away from Xena. I wouldn't be surprised to find that Gabrielle is behind all this. I can do demonseed babies. Or saintly ones, for that matter. I won't like it, but I can do it.WHOOSH!:
[195] I'm impressed Nebula, truly. Don't you need to go knock off a robot or save Cleo or something?NEBULA:
[196] And that's another thing. I get my own show, and does anyone care?WHOOSH!:
[197] I believe the name of the show is Cleo.NEBULA:
[198] Ha! Like the victim of a botched breast job is gonna be any kind of a leader. That's why I'm there. It should have been named after me, not some babe best known for where the snake bit her. Snakes have bitten me there, too, but no one remembers that!WHOOSH!:
[199] Yeah, well...NEBULA:
[200] Hey, do you suppose that if Xena had bitten me there, and I'd died, I could have got some votes?WHOOSH!:
[201] I think you could pretty much count on that, yeah.
Biographies
Shelley Sullivan
When I'm not fly-fishing, I'm on a baseball field. When it's raining and I can't do either, I'm forced to work. Unfortunately, only one of the foregoing actually pays.
Favorite episode: DREAMWORKER (03/103), THE GREATER GOOD (21/121), THE QUEST (37/213), IS THERE A DOCTOR IN THE HOUSE (24/124), REMEMBER NOTHING (26/202), A NECESSARY EVIL (38/214), THE PRICE (44/220), the rift episodes, and ONE AGAINST AN ARMY (59/313).
Favorite line: Xena about the villagers: "Kill 'em all!" TIES THAT BIND (20/120)
First episode seen: SINS OF THE PAST (01/101)
Least favorite episode: FOR HIM THE BELL TOLLS (40/216), ULYSSES (43/219), KING OF ASSASSINS (54/308), THE QUILL IS MIGHTIER... (56/310), KING CON (61/315), FORGET ME NOT (63/317), FINS FEMMES AND GEMS (64/318), IN SICKNESS AND IN HELL
Kym Taborn
http://whoosh.org/taborn
IAXS Executive Committee Kahuna
BA History 1980. MA Music 1984. JD Law 1991. Kym practices law and Xena in the canyons of the Santa Monica Mountains. Kym was the founder of IAXS and currently is the President for Life. Kym is 41 years old and lives to tell of it in Calabasas, CA.
Favorite episode: It is still...DREAMWORKER (03/103)!! Let's face it, it is THE ONE.
Favorite line: Gabrielle to Xena: "You're not much for girl talk, are you? Of course, you're not like most girls." PROMETHEUS (08/108)
First episode seen: CRADLE OF HOPE (04/104)
Least favorite episode: THE QUILL IS MIGHTIER... (56/310)
