Whoosh! Insect poisoning, hmmmm, well I don't see that often
Wonder if Dr. Gray will remember the
last time she dealt with insect poison

Lena Kundera

October 30, 2003

(Lena mention)
Last update: 10/30/03

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Kendall Hart
Bianca Montgomery
Maria Gray
Aidan Devane
Derek Frye
Justin McCoy
(No Lena)


Kendall asks Bianca if Lena knows that she's still pregnant (Kendall gets points for even bringing Lena up!). Bianca tells Kendall only David and Maggie know. Maria finds out that the pills that posioned Ryan were laced with INSECT POISON (uh-oh, doesn't look good for you-know-who) (No Lena)


From The Official Site at ABC.com:

Squat about Lena or INSECT POISON

From About All My Children

She pleads with Bianca to just tell her, “Bianca, are you pregnant?” Bianca admits she is. “Oh my god!” Kendall exclaims, “Who knows? Does Erica, or Lena or Jackson?”” Bianca says just Maggie and David, and now her...

Derek asks if Maria’s sure Ryan was poisoned and this wasn’t an overdose? She tells him not a lot of people take insect poison for an antihistamine! Derek says someone opened up the capsules and replaced the medication with poison, and she agrees that’s what the report says.

From Soap Slut

No Lena mention - sniff.


This all gay recap is by C.K..
Read all the All Gay Re-caps at http://groups.yahoo.com/group/TheAllGayRecap/.

Lena parts are indicated in red for those who only want a Lena fix


  • Portia hangs.
  • Marinara marries Chianti.
  • Are you happy to see me or is that the right caliber gun in your pocket?
  • Ryan lives.
  • Bianca puts Kendall on diaper patrol.

The Set-Up – At the hospital, Derek wants to question Reggie. Jack decides that’s all about him because, huh, because…er…well, I don’t know why, ok? Didn’t your guardian ever teach you not to question authority figures? Pfft.

At the hospital, an unconscious Ryan is a good Ryan.

At Portia’s Studio, Bianca says the baby book belongs to her friend, huh, Lissa! Yeah, and it came with the sonogram because, huh, because that’s what women do now to announce they’re pregnant and, huh, is that the time? How did it get so late?

Kendall: "You didn’t terminate the pregnancy, did you? Bianca, you’re having Michael Cambias’ baby!"

Why can’t anyone other than Lena say abortion on this show? Plus, Bianca knows who the father is. The one easy thing about being a lesbian is that you (almost) always know the identity of your kid’s father. Wait. That just sounded weird.

Palmer’s Jet –
Tad is Captain America (TM Mystic0), but all I notice is that Palmer would be Lena’s perfect partner: while she is a master at interacting with inanimate objects, Palmer, though in a room (or jet) full of people, will only look at the furniture.

The Hospital – Derek and TagAlongADA want to question Reggie because, the night Michael disappeared, he bought a .38.

That’s just shocking, SHOCKING! You know what would make this insipid Whodunit interesting? Anything other than a .38.

Elsewhere, Dr. Maria reports some bad news: Ryan’s vital signs are stable.

Portia’s Studio – If we go with the "perverted idiot" theory, Portia is a Liancalite: she has at least three breasts, though it could be that her pearls are throwing off the count.

Bianca’s still trying to lie her way out, but the only thing that’s remained the same about her is her inability to tell a lie with a modicum of conviction: the only reason Lena ever believes her is that she can’t read her worth a d***.

Kendall: "You know what your problem is? You don’t have what it takes: no matter how hard you try, you’re a horrible liar."
Bianca: "I’m not lying."
Kendall: "Oh, come on Bianca, give me a break. Your voice is all shaky, you can’t even look me in the eye. You say the words but it hurts you so much to say them I’m actually feeling sorry for you."

Shaky voice: check. Inability to maintain eye contact: check. So, how did you not notice she was lying that night, in the park, when she said she was looking for her earring and you looked in the trash and saw her shirt?

Kendall wonders whether Erica, Lena or Jack know that Bianca’s pregnant, then wonders just how her sister will go about hiding her pregnancy.

Well, Bianca thought about doing it the same way other teens do, by going to the Prom and having the baby in the bathroom, but then she realized, well, she’s not in High School anymore, so that plan wouldn’t work. Instead, she’ll leave town, come back after the baby is born and announce some freakishly incompetent agency gave her a kid.

Kendall, bless her practical little heart, thinks that plan is just crap and clearly brought on by a weird hormonal surge that causes stupidity. Hee. Oh, wait: is that a slam at pregnant women? Oh, whatever: it’s funny.

Bianca wants to give VolderBaby the chance to grow up as normally as possible and not be subjected to whispers about who its father is, which she figures Kendall would understand – and she would if she were to switch off all brain function. Maybe it’s just me, but I have never seen the wisdom of the "what you don’t know can’t hurt you" philosophy. In fact, since what we don’t know almost always comes to the surface, it ends up hurting a h*** of a lot more. I understand the instinct to protect the people we love but, in the end, a protection based on lies crumbles like a castle made of cards – and you know what your dog is going to do to those cards, don’t you?

Palmer’s Jet – Opal forbids Adam and Palmer from killing Tad "over a ketchup stain." Or marinara sauce. Or, huh, red wine. Or, oh! Paint.

Captain America just won’t be dissuaded and closes the curtain so that no one can leave the plane.

Oh, a magic curtain, the same one that saves the 1st class flyers from the bozos in Economy! Yeah, that’ll keep Adam and Palmer right where they are.

The Hospital – Dr. Maria says there was insect poison in the antihistamines Ryan took.

Points to Lena for thinking of a clever way to kill Michael but, as Beej pointed out the other night, when Lena went for the bug pellet buffet, the box was closed: did she have two boxes of insect poison or do those boxes come with resealable flaps? You know, like Triscuits or Sociables.

In Greenlee’s room, Jack asks his daughter to please not fabricate any more alibis to save his *ss because he’s got his own already. As punishment, he asks Erica to entertain Greenlee while he’s gone.

In the ER, Ryan beings to seize with the funniest seizure that ever seized: that’s the same face I make to make sure there’s no spinach in my teeth.

Back in Greenlee’s room, Erica offers to switch on the TV, get Greenlee some water with little ice, go get tapioca from the cafeteria and fluff her pillows. Well, ok, smother her with pillows.

Police Station – Derek begins questioning Reggie. Oh, come on! Minors cannot be questioned unless a parent or guardian is present. If I thought Derek had a brain, I’d fanwank that he’s questioning Reggie now because he knows whatever information he’ll give will be inadmissible, but I know he’s inept, so I’m settling for Derek paid someone to take his exam. Why are the police always depicted as asinine *ssholes anyway? That’s incredibly annoying.

Portia’s Studio – You know why else Bianca should not keep her pregnancy a secret? To get back at Ryan! That’s right, Kendall remembers the codicil in Alexander's will and tries to convince Bianca to claim her fortune. Bianca would rather eat "noodle soup and crackers" for the rest of her life than take one penny of Michael’s money.

Bianca, that tells me you’ve never had Ramen and, to be technical about it, most of that money is Alexander’s who, while not a prize, was never a rapist. Or was he? I dunno, I’ve only been watching since late April.

Kendall: "Binks, you could have a dozen kids with perfect donor daddies: why choose to have this baby at all?"
Kendall: "Because of you."

Oh, look at that: Portia is hanging on to every word.

Palmer’s Jet – Tad tries to play a game of hot and cold with Palmer and Adam but neither of them know how to play.  However, to protect the Scotch, Adam admits that the blood is his.

In Scotch in short supply or something? 

The Hospital – Greenlee tries to reach the call button to get the nurse, but Erica stops her, afraid she’ll look bad and that Jack will think she ignored his daughter – until Greenlee tells her she needs to go to the bathroom.

Erica: "Nurse? Nurse? Code blue!"

Bwah ha ha ha ha! Is there anything better than Susan Lucci snarking on herself and on Erica?

Greenlee’s pretty sure she can’t hold it, so the question really is, just how much does Erica love Jack? Hee. Comedy platinum!

Police Station - Jack finally arrives and reminds Derek that Reggie cannot be questioned and leaves to get him an attorney. As soon as he steps out, Derek resumes questioning Reggie.

Derek, I have no words to describe the level of your stupidity and arrogance: I hope they pull your shield for this but, this being AMC, I’m guessing they’ll make you Chief.

Portia’s Studio – Bianca says MiniBinky will be proof that good can come out of evil; in fact, Kendall is a great example of that.

Am I the only one half-expecting Bianca to say evil doer next?

Bianca: "Before I talked to you I was so afraid. I couldn’t even think past the pain, but you gave me the strength to go through with this and I love you and I love this baby and I am ready to take on whatever is ahead."

Except the truth. And gay people who are actually out, but I digress. Kendall, stop looking at your sister as if she were Aidan: there is only so much IncestYay I can take and I am saving it all for Carlos and Juan Pablo since Borearlos has finally found someone with whom he has chemistry, mmmk?

The Last Scenes – On the jet, Palmer says he "shot the son of a b****."  Who, Michael?  Please, that's absurd.

At the hospital, Erica proves her love for Jack by putting Greenlee on the toilet.

Bad news again: Ryan is conscious. He also tells Aidan that Kendall gave him the pills. Right, because she was just waiting for you to have an allergy attack, Lavery.

At Portia’s Studio, Kendall gets on her knees to study to sonogram; Bianca joins her, because the best, most moving scenes are all done down there with crappy music playing in the background. Oh, and sniffles and the never overused hand-on pregnant-woman’s-belly moment. You’d better pray Maggie doesn’t walk in, Bianca, or she’s gonna take scissors to Kendall’s hair.

TOMORROW ON ALL MY CHILDREN: Babe and J.R.; Opal asks Adam and Palmer to tell the truth; Erica wonders what Bianca doesn’t want her to know; Ryan can’t breathe and kisses Dr. Maria.


This parody is by LizzieT.

No Lena parts today because there was no Lena in the actual show and Kendall mentioned her.

Aidan got Ryan to the hospital.
Maria: Bring him in here. I'll save him.
Ryan: :::Didn't she have amnesia for years? Where's Dr. Joe?::::
Maria: First we'll put an...an...one of those tube thingies in.
Ryan: :::I'm serious. Where's Dr. Joe?:::::
Nurse: Dr. I think there's something wrong with this man. He's got this bizarre stare thing going on.
Maria: That's the way he always looks. Haven't you seen any of Lilpoke's cartoons? He'll be fine.
Nurse: He's having a seizure.
Maria: Ooops! Oh well, everyone's wrong once in a while. Give him 30 milligrams of ...of...of whatever you give people who are having a seizure.

Later Aidan went in to see Ryan.
Aidan: Ello Ryan. Ow are yew?
Ryan: Better. I hear you're the one who saved me.
Aidan: Yew tewk some poison allergy pills. Oo gighve them tew yew?
Ryan: Kendall.
Aidan: Blimey! Oh well, Oi'll just run awl over town troing to prewve someone else was the rotter whot troid to poison yew. Now oo wewd ave a reason to want yew dead?
Ryan: Some of those message board people don't like me very much.
Aidan: Oi feel yew're pine mite.

Derek took Reggie in for questioning.
Reggie: Can I blow the siren on the way to the station?
Justin: Nuh huh! I get to blow the siren, don't I Derek? You said I could if I would stop whining about getting a Happy Meal.
Jack: I need to go to the station with Reggie. But first, Greenlee why did you lie about being with me the night Michael was murdered? Lying isn't a good thing in a police investigation.
Greenlee: Erica's kids get to lie during police investigations - at least Kendall does. Why can't I? It's not fair.
Jack: Just don't do it again. Erica, why don't you stay with Greenlee and keep her company while I go down to the station?
Erica: You poor thing. The stress of the investigation has broken your mind hasn't it?
Greenlee: Wow! I hope insanity doesn't run in the Montgomery family.
Jack: You two will be fine. And Lizzie, you can take some time off. I have a feeling the upcoming scenes with these two will be funnier than anything you could come up with.
Lizzie: You're right. I don't want to mess with perfection.

Tad questioned Palmer and Adam about the blood on the jet.
Tad: No one leave this plane until I find out the truth about what you two were up to the night Michael disappeared.
Adam: This is ridiculous. Who do you think you are - Aidan?
Palmer: Don't worry about it. We'll just take the fifth - of Scotch that is. Lizzie, you might as well join us . Adam and I will be funnier than anything you can come up with.
Lizzie: I agree. Again, I don't want to mess with perfection.

Jack arrived at the police station.
Jack: I'm sitting in on this questioning.
Derek: You can't do that unless you recuse yourself from the case.
Reggie: I'm fine Dad. You need to be the DA in case Mom or the girls need you to swipe evidence for them or something. I'll handle the questions. And Lizzie...
Lizzie: I know. You don't need me. I don't want to mess with perfection.

Extra: I've just got back the lab reports.
Jack: What lab reports?
Extra: Someone gave Ryan poison allergy pills.
Jack: Those message board people are a rough crowd.

Kendall confronted Bianca.
Kendall: You're still pregnant aren't you?
Bianca: No I'm not.
Kendall: You have a baby book and a picture from a sonogram.
Bianca: They're not mine. They're....uh...er...hmmm.....someone else's.
Kendall: You're a terrible liar Bianca. Are you sure you're really Erica's daughter?
Bianca: OK. I'm still pregnant. But I'm not going to tell anyone. Then I'll leave town and come back with a baby that I say I adopted.
Kendall: Please. That makes one of my schemes sound sensible. Bianca, do you realize that you're child is the true heir to the Cambias fortune. She'll be filthy rich! Isn't that great?
Baby: I knew I was going to love my auntie Kendall.
Bianca: My baby and I don't want a penny of the Cambias fortune. We'd rather live in a garrett and starve.
Baby: Ackkkk! Do you have to be born before you have your mother committed?
Bianca: I love you Kendall. And I love my baby.
Kendall: I love you too Bianca. And I love the baby.
Baby: All this love stuff is very sweet but what about my fortune? Maybe I should hire an accountant. And my own personal designer. I don't want any of those ordinary diapers.


Bianca: Kendall, are you crazy?

Bianca: I'm not lying.
Kendall: Oh, come on, Bianca, give me a break. Your voice is all shaky. You can't even look me in the eye. You say the words, but it hurts you so much to say them, I'm actually feeling sorry for you.

Kendall: Oh, god, bianca, is there some kind of a hormone surge that messes with your head? Bianca, this plan is insane! It's crazy! Come on, face it, binks, you're going to be outed.

Maria: Not a lot of people take insect poison for an antihistamine...

Reggie: So, can I turn on the lights and stuff, do the siren? I really want to ride in style.


Unverified in non-clip parts

***** (clip a) [When Kendall asks Bianca about who knows she's still pregnant, she mentions Lena (no Lena)]

Bianca: Kendall, are you crazy?
Kendall: No, you tell me. Bianca, are you still pregnant with michael's baby?
Bianca: You know that i terminated. You were there. You saw me at the clinic.
Kendall: No, I saw you before you went in.
Bianca: Shut up, ok? I -- why would I do that? Why would I repeat mom's mistake? I mean, as though the rape weren't enough h***, why would I want to have my rapist's child? Why would I want to put myself through that kind of misery?
Kendall: You know what your problem is? You don't have what it takes. No matter how hard you try, you're a horrible liar.
Bianca: I'm not lying.
Kendall: Oh, come on, bianca, give me a break. Your voice is all shaky. You can't even look me in the eye. You say the words, but it hurts you so much to say them, I'm actually feeling sorry for you.
Bianca: Everything that I said is true.
Kendall: Is it? Just tell me. Bianca, are you pregnant?
Bianca: Yes.
Kendall: You're pregnant. Oh, my god. My god, who knows? Does erica know? Does lena or jackson?
Bianca: No, I -- just maggie and david, and now you.
Kendall: Yeah, but you're going to start showing soon. What then? Everybody will know.
Bianca: No, I have it all planned out. I'm going to leave town when the time comes. I'm going to find a good reason.
Kendall: Yeah, like being pregnant?
Bianca: I'm going to have the baby, and then i'm going to come back to town and i'm going to tell everybody that i adopted her or him.
Kendall: Wait a minute. Hold on. You're going to leave town and then return with an adopted child whose birthday just happens to be nine months after you were raped?
Bianca: I'm going to figure it out, ok?
Kendall: Oh, god, bianca, is there some kind of a hormone surge that messes with your head? Bianca, this plan is insane! It's crazy! Come on, face it, binks, you're going to be outed.
Bianca: When did you get so negative?
Kendall: When i learned i was erica kane's daughter. Look, why all of this hoopla? Why not just have the kid and leave it alone?
Bianca: Isn't that obvious?
Kendall: No, not really.
Bianca: Michael was an evil man, and he did horrible things to a lot of people. And I don't want my child to be touched by that. I don't want her to live with the kind of pain that you've had to live with your entire life, kendall, and I don't want her to carry around shame for something that she had no control over.
Kendall: So you're going to live a lie just to give her a good life?
Bianca: The best thing that i can do for my child is to give her a chance -- a real chance.
Kendall: It's going to be pretty hard to hang on to a lie this size.
Bianca: Maybe it will. But, kendall, don't you wish that you didn't know the truth about your father?
Kendall: Every day. I understand why you want to keep all of this a secret, but why -- why are you so dead set on keeping this from every single person who's close to you?
Bianca: Are you talking about mom?
Kendall: Yeah.
Bianca: Because I don't want her to -- I don't think it's right, I don't think it's fair that she should have to relive what happened to her because of my choice, and I don't want her to look at my child --
kendall: The same way she looks at me? A child of rape?
Kendall: Oh, my god.

***** (clip b) [The allergy pills were laced with insect poison]

Derek: Are you sure ryan was poisoned and this wasn't an overdose?
Maria: Well, not a lot of people take insect poison for an antihistamine, but --
derek: So somebody opened up the capsules and they refilled it with poison?
Maria: That's what the report says.
Derek: What are ryan's chances?
Maria: Right now they're 50/50. But we'll know better after the gastric lavage. He's -- he's having his stomach pumped.
Reggie: Yuck. Gross.
Maria: So -- I mean, basically, after that, if we've caught it in time, the procedure will clear out enough of the poison that there won't be any more damage done.
Aidan: Excuse me.
Derek: So will you keep us posted on ryan's condition?
Maria: Yeah, of course. Do you want me to page jackson, let him know?
Justin: No, I'll -- I'll cover that with jackson when we find out a little more information later.
Maria: Ok, whatever you guys think is best.
Derek: Maria, thank you for this.
Maria: You're welcome.
Derek: Come on, reggie. Come on, let's go. We got to go downtown. We got some questions.
Reggie: So, can I turn on the lights and stuff, do the siren? I really want to ride in style.


If you are aware of any of the following clips from this episode, please contact me ASAP, Kym: Clip A, B

I am eliciting volunteers to host the clips throughout the web. If you have 5-100megs of space you can lend to this project, please let me know!

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