Whoosh! Reggie looked nervously away as the superglue he secretly put on the ladies dried
The blossoming triangle leaves the restroom
to find the aftermath of a gravy incident

Lena Kundera

December 1, 2003

(Lena appearance)
Last update: 12/01/03

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Erica Kane
Kendall Hart
Myrtle Fargate
Lena Kundera (Olga Sosnovska)
Reggie Montgomery
Mary Smythe
Greenlee duPres
Jackson Montgomery
Bianca Montgomery
Maggie Stone
David Hayward
Ryan Lavery


While at the Thanksgiving dinner, Maggie gets bent out of shape that Bianca told Lena about the pregnancy.


From The Official Site at ABC.com:

Maggie is upset that Bianca told Lena the truth about the baby.

From About All My Children

Kendall starts after Bianca when she goes to the restroom, but Lena blocks her path and says she heard Bianca; she warns her to keep her distance...

Maggie looks strangely at Lena when Miss Kundera opts for cider over champagne and tells the waiter that Miss Montgomery will have the same, while Ryan shows up and asks if he missed the soup?...

Bianca takes a deep breath before Maggie comes in and slams the door as she asks why Bianca told Lena she was pregnant? Bianca says she thought it was time, and Maggie asks what makes her think she can trust her? Surprised, Bianca asks where this is coming from? Maggie wants her to think about all the lying she’s done, and Bianca asks if she didn’t say a few months ago that she should tell her? Lena listens at the door as Maggie says she doesn’t trust her, and she’s always out for herself. Lena pushes open the door and says she doesn’t blame her, but Bianca knows she can trust her. Maggie thinks they’ll just have to wait and find out. Lena says Erica’s getting worried, and Bianca should get back to the table. Maggie takes Bianca’s hand as she agrees, “Yeah, let’s go.”

From Soap Slut

Kendall’s presence at the Kane/Montgomery dinner is dealt with first. She’s staying in character as she gloats about her pregnancy. Reggie makes a crack about the *ssfetus being born with horns and a tail, earning a “shut up” from Bianca and roll stuffed into his mouth by Maggie. He chokes on it a bit, but fear not, Maggie’s got that bib she’s wearing to catch all the crumbs.

Erica can’t stop b******* about Kendall being there and upsetting Bianca. Jack and Myrtle tell her to give it a rest because she’s only making things worse with remarks like “Kendall and Bianca are only related by crime.” OW.

Erica continues to rant until someone finally points out that no one has even asked Bianca if she minds that Kendall stays. So they ask and Binks says it’s fine so long as she’s not sitting across from or next to Kendall. She gets up and leaves the table. Kendall tries to follow her but Lena steps in and politely tells her boss lady that it’ll be better if distance is kept. That Lena, ever the diplomat. Lena follows after Bianca. Maggie, not one to let Lena rain on her confidant parade, also trails along. I hope nobody was dying to see a scene between the three of them right here because we don’t get one...

Mary sits herself down next to Boyd and is happy to cozy up to his warm, lean frame. Myrtle slaps her hand from the other side of him. “Back off, Cookie, he’s mine.” Hee. But I bet to differ, Myrtle. I believe months ago I submitted paperwork naming me sole owner and proprietor of Boyd. So all of you: hands off...

David pep-talks Erica into enduring the Turkey Day with unwanted guests. They publicly make out for the benefit of the observing cop. Reggie, Jack and I all lose our appetites. Erica sits back down and really, really wishes she could drink. Myrtle is tapped to say grace and she requests everybody hold hands. Erica balks at having to touch Mary and a compromise is reached. They hold a napkin between them. Ha. I would like to point out that Reggie and David refused to hold hands as well. But they got away with it because they didn’t pitch a public fit about it like Erica did. “Dear God,” begins Myrtle. “If ever there was a group that needed God-blessing, it’s us.” Hee...

Myrtle continues the prayer. Hee, I notice that Kendall and Greenlee are also seated next to each other. Greenlee has her elbow up on the table and Kendall is holding her wrist. *snicker* Hey, I’ll bet Boyd is popping a woody at getting to hold the Fabulous Kendall’s hand.

Jack indicates to the waiter that Reggie gets cider, not champagne. Lena pointedly declares that she would like cider and asks if Bianca would also like some. Bianca agrees. Maggie starts making grumpy faces as she realizes that she is no longer Bianca’s sole confidant anymore. Yup, that’s right, Mags. You gotta get in line behind Kendall and Lena now.

Ryan drops by the K/M festivities to be a thorn in ALL our sides. He mentions the cops searching Kendall’s place. She tries not to look worried. D*****, Kendall, please tell me that you’re NOT stupid enough to keep something incriminating in your own domicile. Ryan also declares that he won’t be giving up this Cambias heir thing without a fight as he’s going to be insisting on a DNA test next. Ugh, don’t you have a TV dinner waiting for you somewhere, Dips***?...

Bianca excuses herself from the table once again. Mary and Erica resume their sniping. Jack rubs his head in frustration as he tries to put a stop to it. “Hard to believe you liked her enough to produce little old me,” snarks Greenlee. Bwah! And word.

David brings up the murder case and gets all accusatory at Jack over the planted heroin. There are several subsequent shots of other people’s guilty faces as Jack makes a timely Clue crack. Heh...

Kendall creeps away from the table as its occupants continue to argue and manages to make it to her sister’s side without interference this time. Bianca’s doing what’s becoming her usual rigmarole where she wants to chuck the ridiculous plan and just come clean...

Reggie tires of watching the David/Erica slurpfest so he dumps the gravy on them. Reggie is my hero...

Kendall talks Bianca out of spilling the beans like we all knew she would. The scene is fraught with deep sighs, meaningful looks and—are we sure these two are supposed to be related?

Bianca isn’t alone in the bathroom for long after Kendall leaves. Maggie comes slamming in there all p***** that Binks told Lena. Bianca just looks completely flummoxed that Mags is giving her s*** over this, particularly because a short while ago, Maggie was being Lena’s cheerleader. Of course, that confused look on Bianca’s face may just be due to the fact that she finally got a good look at Maggie’s outfit and is just completely thrown.

Um, I only just now got a good look at Lena’s outfit as she joins the bathroom fray. White tank top under that wispy, gauzy wrap-thing? Is this the wardrobe simplification that’s supposed to be coming about for Olga Sosnovska? I like her old outfits. Anyway, Lena doesn’t blame Maggie for not trusting her but steadfastly insists that she’d never hurt Bianca. Maggie sarcastically decides to adopt a wait-and-see attitude. When Lena suggests Bianca get back to the table before Erica sends out a search party, Maggie agrees, possessively grabs Binks by the hand and practically drags her out of there. I can only hope that off screen, Bianca smacked her upside the head...

David is cleaning himself off. Mary, never one to miss out on the opportunity to feel up a man, attempts to help. Hee, I love Mary the Perv.

Ooh, looks like we have the makings of a real, honest-to-goodness love triangle finally. Tarzan, Derek and Tarzan’s new boyfriend, arriving at the K/M dinner. Can’t you just feel the tension in that group? They’re there to take out their frustrations on the poor soul they intend to arrest for *sscicle’s murder.


This all gay recap is by C.K..
Read all the All Gay Re-caps at http://groups.yahoo.com/group/TheAllGayRecap/.



The Set-Up – Everywhere, it’s still Thanksgiving. My fridge weeps in sympathy.

At the Martins’, Ruth forgets to stuff Opal’s mouth.

At the Pine Valley Inn, Mary gives Erica one more reason not to eat and is then appalled by Kendall.  I know, I know: there by the grace of god.

Maggie stuffs Reggie’s mouth with bread, then waits for leftovers.

The Hospital – Bad news everyone: Carlos is awake and he’s talking.

PVI Dining Room – Mary is certain that Erica and Kendall can work things out because, after all, she and her daughter have made "incredible progress" and "gotten so close" since Greenlee slipped her that hundred bucks.

Myrtle’s common sense is drowned out by Erica’s protests that, even though she hasn’t asked her, she knows perfectly well what it is that Bianca wants – and that’s to play musical chairs with Kendall and wave her hands really fast in front of everyone in hope they’ll be so confused that they’ll just ignore her.

Bianca leaves the table and Lena follows her after stopping Kendall; Maggie follows, too, because, somewhere in the distance, she heard a high-pitch sound and, well, she’s the obedient sort.

Jack’s just mad ‘cause he wanted to have a nice Thanksgiving and, instead, he’s stuck with the family from hell.

Oh, come on Jack: my first American Thanksgiving was just like yours! There were people so drunk they couldn’t talk and there were mutterings of affairs and of relatives afflicted with incurable diseases and, when we finally got to the pie, my girlfriend and I were asked about our sex life. See, you’re actually way ahead of me there, buddy. Now, be quiet and put on your apron.

The Search Warrants Interlude – A set of three police officers, each accompanied by Derek, search Kendall’s condo; they then move on to Jack’s pad, Myrtle’s boarding house, David’s Cow Sanctuary and Erica’s closets.

All on the same day: is Derek the new Santa?

PVI Dining Room – Erica needs god’s strength to sit at the table with Kendall: I need it to survive the grotesque macking that follows.

Myrtle is tapped to say grace and demands that everyone hold hands. Bianca and Lena do, too, because it’s safe when god’s in the middle. Erica and Mary just hold a napkin.

In what I think is supposed to be a moment of conjecture, Maggie twists her face when she hears Lena suggesting sparkling cider for both herself and Bianca, but since all the squirrels I know move the same way, I decide she just swallowed a nut whole.

FrankenBrow stops by with a gift and demands that Kendall submit to a DNA test to establish VolderFake’s paternity. Bianca finishes Maggie’s nuts.

The Martins’ – Jamie toasts to Babe and the 6-week old BabyBoob. No, wait: 9-week old BabyBoob. No, wait: 10-week old BabyBoob.

J.R.: "It’s not like a few weeks makes that big of a difference."

If I gave a damn, I’d have a come back for that line: as it is, I succumb to a turkey-induced coma.

PVI Dining Room – In the vain hope that her peripheral vision will fail and she’ll miss the David and Erica tongue swap, Mary sticks a straw into her glass of wine and doesn’t stop sucking.

David accuses Jack of having planted drugs in Michael’s apartment, but it’s everyone else who looks guilty, even my girlfriend Myrtle. Lena just wishes she were back in Poland and not listening to her girlfriend’s mother’s drunken confession of sex "with the man with the hair."

What? Oh, right: that was my Thanksgiving thirteen years ago. As you can see, I wasn’t scarred by the experience at all.

Kendall joins Bianca in the restroom where the magic water doesn’t smudge the make up.  Bianca convinces herself - again  - that it is all worth it in the name of VolderGrapefruit:  Kendall will be shunned an hated forever?  That's ok: at least the baby will be safe! 

Sniff.  It's all so beautiful.

On her way out, Kendall chats up the citrus and manages to make it a HoYay triangle.

On her way in, Maggie slams the door and demands to know why Bianca told Lena about the pregnancy.

What, are you angry that Bianca chose to tell Lena while you found out because you happened to be around? Aww. Open your mouth and let me see if I can throw a piece of turkey in. I’ve deboned it, I promise.

Maggie: "What makes you think that you can actually trust her?"
Bianca: "Maggie, where is this coming from?"

From her side of the triangle, but I don’t think anyone’s told her that triangles have three sides, not one.

Bianca: "Maggie, you don’t know Lena the way I do."

Heh. Oh, wait: that’s so inappropriate of me. I’ll just go have a piece of pie while Bianca looks on condescendingly.

Maggie: "She’s always out for herself: I don’t trust her."

Lena: "I don’t blame you, but Bianca knows that I won’t betray her and you can trust that, too, Maggie."

She might after she runs that through the English to Woof translator.

The Last Scenes – At the hospital, Rick is the best nurse ever – but he also wears a ring on his pinkie and that means he’ll liberate us all from Borearlos: thank god for the Argentinean mob.

At the Martins’, Jamie refuses J.R.’s toast and kicks dirt in the air.

At the PVI Dining Room, Mary’s errant hand finds David’s thigh.

TOMORROW ON ALL MY CHILDREN: Ryan wants to have a talk with Bianca; Adam thinks J.R. should know he married "a slut;" J.R. thinks Jamie wants Babe; Jack is removed from the Cambias case.


[I] wonder how things are gonna be with Lianca if we ever do get them. The one thing I always found odd but interesting about Lianca is that Lena brings out more of Bianca's insecurities than anyone else has (like thinking Lena was dumping her after their 'spectacular' night, thinking Lena won't love her if she's different post V., the baby, ect.). That really struck me when compared to Binky's other relationships where Bianca always put herself out there totally for the other person. With Lena, she holds back more than she has in the past. I guess all of her other relationships/crushes imploding or never getting off the ground finally jaded her some. That's a nice contrast to Lena who acts just like how Binky used to act, totally out there for the taking. I'm thinking a lot of Binky's trust issues (and I do believe she has some) with Lena has nothing to do with Lena's past or her lying, but everything to do with Bianca thinking that it's all going to blow up in her face. After all, every other relationship she's had, has. Add to that, nothing in Bianca's life has been going too well lately. I wonder if Lena's optimism and open-ness can trump Bianca's newfound defeatist outlook? I hope to find out. I do love this complicated mess of a non-couple.

Leave it to [McTavish]. Why write a "jealous friend SL [storyline] with a number of subtle nuances" when you can write an "over-the-top jealous stalker" SL? I thought Maggie's reaction today was quite a bit stronger than the stage had been set for. My gut reaction was that McTrash was preserving the option to go the "crazed murderous jealous Single White Female" route. She wrote Michael to change him from the evil slimy business character into the evil sicko rapist. Today it felt like she was setting the stage / preserving the option to go a similar route with Maggie. If I didn't know how much she likes Liz (and seems to somewhat cater to Bam) I would be worried that she might actually do it.

Talk about whiplash though. Liz must open every script wondering if it's a support Lena week or a slam Lena week. Maggie crossed a line today. She's never been so openly snarky to Lena ("we'll just have to see, won't we") or so openly harsh with Bianca. "What makes you think you can actually trust her?" was delivered with such venom that I thought at first she was going to say "what makes you think it was okay with me to tell her?". Maggs slammed the bathroom door so hard I think I saw the wall shake in the mirror. I was glad that Bianca snapped back with her "a few months ago you said" line. I would have liked to see the scene continue but Lena diffused the situation quickly and Maggie is too passive / aggressive to do more than make a snide remark and leave. I wish Bianca had looked at Lena while being led out the door. If their eyes had met even for a second it would have conveyed a lot about Bianca's focus shifting to Lena. Today's scene and Bianca's general disregard for Maggie make me nervous about the lengths Maggie will go to to get noticed as she realizes she is losing out to both Kendall and Lena. Guess those spoilers about Maggie playing a hand in the Lianca reunion were false. (Or we'll be subjected to the yo-yo that is McTrash's writing style and find that Maggie has recognized true love and decided to bring Lena and Bianca together. Ugh.)

Black Knight wrote:
I agree she still thinks of them as a couple, even if they're not technically together--after all, she can see that Lena's still wearing that commitment ring. Lena told her at the time that she would wear that ring as a sign of her love and keep Bianca's own ring until Bianca was ready to wear it herself, so seeing Lena still wearing that ring is enough indication for Bianca that they're a de facto couple even if they're not technically together.
ITA. Bianca absolutely still thinks of herself and Lena as a couple. Her concern about telling Lena about the baby earlier was centered on her belief that Lena didn't want kids crossed with her hope that things would work out for her and Lena. It wouldn't matter if Lena wanted kids or not if Bianca didn't want to be with her. But the conversation between Binks and Lena in Maggie's dorm room was about Bianca testing whether her child would have 2 mommies. Her disappointment afterward seemed focused on her belief that it wasn't going to work as hoped. Her "so you would have supported my keeping my baby" question to Lena in her apartment was the corollary that will allow the relationship to resume in reality. And for the most part Bianca's family perpetuate that "still a couple" scenario. Erica's sudden Lena-love and Kendall's efforts to help Lena have all been because of concern for Bianca.
Black Knight wrote:
She was always amazed that Lena chose her. And while Lena understands Bianca very well in many ways, I think this is the thing she understands least about Bianca.
I think Lena has total light blocking blinders on when it comes to the above. She has no idea. She has been trying to atone for the sins of her past for so long it hasn't yet occured to her that she might be viewed as desirable for her own true self. Realizing that Bianca feels amazed to have been chosen by her would require more self-esteem than she has had (until recently). The off-shoot of Lena's suicide attempt and Michael's death seems to be that Lena finally feels free to pursue a course that is good for her. Hence her self-esteem seems to be growing. Now she may finally be in a place to realize Bianca's amazement.

Black Knight:
The look on Bianca's face when Maggie was dragging her out was cracking me up. You know how Olga does all those fabulous I'm-screwed expressions? Well, Eden's got an equally impressive repertoire of WTF? looks. First Bianca was surprised that Lena seemed to think that Maggie was the one for her. Now she's surprised by the other side of it. She's paid very little attention to what's going on with Maggie, what with everything else she has on her plate, and she looked less than thrilled to realize she's got another problem to deal with. I doubt there'll be a triangle, at least not a true triangle. Bianca is simply not interested in Maggie. Honestly, I don't think she ever really was. She didn't give a flip when Tim was interested in Maggie; in fact, she encouraged the relationship. It was Maggie who got annoyed and kept insisting on her preference for Bianca's company over Tim's. I think at that point Bianca, since she hadn't dated in eons and was still a little susceptible to the Frankie-lookalike factor, sort of went along with it. Maggie was there and available and seemed interested. When she finally told Bianca that she wasn't really interested, Bianca got over it in about two minutes flat.

Today's episode was as good as I was hoping. The Kane/Montgomery fiasco had me laughing within the first twenty seconds. The Mary/Erica bits in particular were hysterical, from Mary lecturing Erica on mother/daughter relationships to the two holding a napkin as their compromise for saying grace. And God bless Anna Stuart for trying to glom onto Boyd. I've always wanted to see a Mary/Boyd pairing. And I also liked when David finally brought up the elephant at the table, Michael's murder, and they started cutting to shots of all the suspects. Just as I was thinking, "This is so Clue," Jack made a Clue reference. Bwah. This is what I really enjoyed when the Cambias murder SL first started, until AMC lost steam by dragging it out too much. But today was back to classic form, and fun fun fun. I don't think I've had this much fun watching a dysfunctional soap family celebrate a holiday since the classic Quartermaine gatherings of years past. I realized that's what the Kane family has been lacking all along--enough members to really cause some big fights. With the addition of Greenlee, Reggie, and Mary, not to mention assorted significant others, that's no longer an issue.

As for Maggie- let's consider the character (what little we know of at this point). She had a very unhappy childhood. She does have family now (David) but Anna left (who Maggie was very close to) and that's her only real family. She doesn't have much of a life (that we've seen) outside of school. Bianca is the first person she really felt close to in her life, and she has recently been helping Bianca go through the toughest thing she (Bianca) has had to deal with in her life. She (Maggie) has been the rock for Bianca for the past several months, supporting her when Bianca didn't trust anyone else... accepting the choices Bianca made even if she didn't agree with them... moving in with her to take the heat off Bianca (from Erica) planning to leave school and go away with Bianca so she's not alone. Her feelings for Bianca, at mildest, are those of a very close very best friend. At the deepest, she has romantic feelings for Bianca that she is not yet aware of. Either way, she does love Bianca. Maggie and Bianca have been each other's whole lives for a while now. All of a sudden, Bianca is feeling better, "coming out" into her life again. Maggie's reaction to Kendell knowing about the baby was mild frustration. She wasn't happy with Kendell's "interference" in her relationship with Bianca. Now Lena is another person involved. Now Maggie's not the only one to know, to support Bianca. Maggie's raison-d'etre (so to speak) is dissolving. And everybody here says "ah, she's such a crazy bitch!" ???WTF??? People are so willing to believe that Lena could do all the crazy things she's done out of love for Bianca... why can't people understand Maggie's crazy behavior out of HER love (platonic or otherwise) for Bianca?

Black Knight:
Well, I do get why Maggie's attached herself to Bianca--given her childhood and so on, Bianca and David have been the closest things Maggie's had to stability, ever. So it's understandable, but when Magit comes down to it, she still has no life outside of her best friend and she desperately needs to get one. Bianca doesn't look or act remotely interested, Eden doesn't inject the HoYay in the scenes that she used to. And while I agree that she's been playing Bianca as a traumatized rape victim the last few months who's not interested in anyone, she's also gradually started playing slow sexual awakening. That was first noticeable in the dorm room scenes when she and Lena were looking at the aquarium and noticed how close they were to each other--very reminiscent of the sexual tension moment when they were moving Boyd's boxes into Myrtle's place. Bianca still isn't ready for sex, I think partly because of the conversation with Lena that it would entail that she isn't ready to have, but she's not dead from the neck down anymore, either. And Bianca just looks quite in love with Lena in all their recent scenes, and asks Lena to spend time with her. Maggie she barely glances at, and when she does half the time it's to tell Maggie to go away.

And I don't think it's so much that Bianca still sees herself and Lena as a couple, I think Bianca just doesn't think she has any other options.
While Bianca may not see Maggie or anyone else as an option, I don't think at this point in her life she's interested in a relationship for the sake of a relationship. She doesn't need a girlfriend. And wanting a girlfriend has been largely diminished by the rape--she hasn't been interested in sex for a while, and she's not that interested in sex now, she has plenty of love and support from family and friends, and she has so much on her plate to deal with. I really do think that if she wants to be with Lena, it's because she wants to be with Lena, not because she wants a girlfriend for the sake of having a girlfriend. Now, a year ago, I think that was the attraction where Maggie was concerned--Maggie seemed interested and Bianca didn't think she had any other options. She didn't start to consider Maggie until Maggie started sending her all those signals, and then figured it'd be silly to turn down the opportunity, since she had no other women come calling. And, of course, Lena's hardly chopped liver--she's a gorgeous, elegant, sophisticated, intelligent woman. I don't think Bianca's ever thought she was "settling" for the HPF

I certainly don't mean to imply that Bianca is "settling" for Lena. Lena is a very classy gorgeous woman. I do think it sucks how she came to town as this corporate shark and betrayed Bianca (but then, don't they all? this is a soap after all) yet nobody screams about how Lena "hurt" Bianca. It's so easy to see ONLY this newly remade Lena who is so in love with Bianca and would do no wrong. I like Lena, please understand that. But I like Maggie too. I just think that Bianca and Lena didn't have a chance to really fall in love or have a relationship before the rape. They had all of what, two episodes (some sarcasm here) between Lena betraying Bianca and then Bianca being raped. I think Lena loves Bianca because it's the only love she's ever known (and here I mean love in the romantic sense, because we know Lena's mom loves her) but I think Bianca is in love with the idea of being in love. She may like Lena, she may be attracted to her, but I don't think they've had time to know each other enough to be in love.

I think Bianca and Lena have unfinished business together no matter what the outcome of any of this is. They were all set to "begin anew" the day Bianca was raped. They need to revisit that and decide if they can have a relationship or not. But my point is that now, as Bianca realizes she's not "dead from the waist down" (I like that *lol*) she will first and only consider Lena, because 1) they have unfinished business and 2) Lena is the only option (again, this is not meant to discredit Lena in any way)

I do feel that IF Maggie has romantic/sexual feelings for Bianca and IF she lets Bianca know about them, we may see Bianca have some questions of her own, despite her feelings for Lena. Bianca and Maggie have a history- I think Bianca liked Maggie first because she reminded her of Frankie, but Binx and Maggie got very close, they had a lot of close, intimate moments together... and Bianca was very dissapointed when Maggie was not interested/not ready to have a "relationship" with Bianca. All I'm saying is that at least at one point Bianca had very real feelings for Maggie, and if Bianca finds out that Maggie IS interested in her that way- Bianca's feelings won't be as cut and dry as a lot of people might want them to be.


This parody is by LizzieT.

Thanksgiving festivities continued in Pine Valley.

Over at the hospital.....
Maria: We have so much to be thankful for this year.
Edmund: Yes we do. For instance, Carlos is getting better.
Maria: Yes. I know the audience would much rather see us here with Carlos, Juan Pablo and Simone than at Wildwind having a touching family Thanksgiving with our children. Where are they anyway?
Edmund: People kept complaining that we were favoring Maddie too much so I locked her in the attic with Sam.
Maria: You're such a good father. It's important to treat all the children in the family equally.
Carlos: Simone, I'm glad you're here with me but wouldn't you rather be with Tad?
Simone: Tad and I aren't serious. They're waiting to see what his chemistry is like with the new character before they make any committment to our relationship. Here, have some soup.
Carlos: What is this stuff? I don't think I've ever eaten anything this shade of green before.
Simone: You're being written off soon. You didn't think they'd waste actual turkey on you did you?
Juan Pablo: I am confused. I am supposed to leave Pine Valley with my brother but I have not heard that I am being written out. In my country one's future is not so up in the air. Will I still be a part of Pine Valley when Carlos is gone or is my time here nearly over?
Edmund: Don't sweat it. Even if you're still on contract you might be invisible. It happens to all of us.
Simone: Speaking of back burner, who made all this delicious food?
Edmund: Isabella.
Simone: Do you think she'd adopt me?
Edmund: Maybe. How good is your slap reflex?

Search warrants were executed around town.
Derek: Here we are at Kendall's condo. Did you find anything?
Cop: Not really. Just a book called "Faking Pregnancy for Dummies".
Derek: Here we are at Erica's. Did you find anything?
Cop: Not really. She does have the most extensive collection of wedding dresses outside of the Smithsonian but no real evidence.
Derek: Here we are at David's. Did you find anything?
Cop: Not really. Just a few leftover vials of Libidizone and Dixie's sweater.
Derek: Here we are at Myrtle's. Did you find anything?
Cop: Not really. Just some lemonade in the refrigerator. Here, have some:::hic::::
Derek: All right. I think I'm ready to make an arrest now. But first, let's finish off the lemonade. This stuff is good.:::hic::::

Over at the Martin's.....
Adam: How dare you show up to question me on Thanksgiving?
Cop: I thought this was Monday.
Adam: In the real world yes. In Pine Valley it's Thanksgiving.
Ruth: I thought last Tuesday was Thanksgiving.
Joe: It was. So was Wednesday.
Palmer: I think tomorrow most likely will be Thanksgiving too.
Brooke: Actually it may be Thanksgiving right up until Christmas.
Justin: I love Christmas. I hope Santa brings me a pony this year.
Cop: Justin!
Justin: Sorry. Mr. Chandler, we have to question you now.
Opal: Pardon me while I forget that I used to be a homespun character with a lot of common sense::::pause::::Oh no! I hope they don't know anything about what my lovebug Palmer was up to the night Michael was killed. If they do he'll be in more trouble than a bobcat with a mouth full of tail feathers caught by a farmer with a shotgun.
Cop: What's she talking about?
Tad: Nothing. We'll just do some schtick to make her look insane.
Cop: Oh, I see. Comic relief?
Tad: Or something.
Justin: All right Mr. Chandler. I still have to question you. Do you think Santa really watches us all the time to see if we're naughty or nice? Cause I've been naughty a few times but not that much.
Cop: Justin!
Justin: OK. Where were you the night Michael was murdered.
Adam: I was with Stuart.
Stuart: That's right. He was.....except for the time he was gone long enough to fly back to Pine Valley, kill someone, hide the body in a meat locker, and fly back.
Adam: Telling the truth is something you believe in strongly isn't it Stuart?
Stuart: Yes. Besides, I'm tired of you hogging all the screentime. Maybe if you get arrested I'll get my own storyline instead of just being your conscience.
JR: I'd like to propose a toast. To my mother Dixie. She may have gone on to a better place but her spirit is still here.
Ruth: Yes, to Dixie. I"ve heard such lovely things about Oakdale.
JR: And to my wife Babe who is 6 weeks pregnant.
Adam: ::::Bwahahahahahahahaha:::::::
Babe: He means 10 weeks. 6 weeks would mean I could have gotten pregnant in some one night stand when I first hit town and that didn't happen.
JR: 6, 10, what difference does it make? It could even be 2 weeks.
Cable guy:::::clunk::::::
Adam: ::::Bwahahahahahahahahahahaha:::::

And at the Valley Inn.....
Erica: I'll just unload another string of invectives at Kendall, Mary and Greenlee.
David: Don't forget making out with me occasionally to irritate Jack.
Mary: I'll deliver a string of one liners to keep stirring up trouble in a bitchy but amusing way.
Kendall: I'll keep doing everything I can to make myself look worse in Erica's eyes. I'm even wearing a kick me sign on my back.
Bianca: I'll look sad and tortured and run from the table occasionally.
Jack: These family dinners always looked so easy when Ward Cleaver hosted them.
Reggie: Can I have wine with dinner? Maybe start a nice story on teen alcoholism?
Jack: No. Stick with cider.
Lena: I'll have cider too. So will Bianca. Not that she has any real reason to avoid alchohol or anything.
Maggie: :::gasp::::She knows::::frown:::::
Baby: I know expectant mother's shouldn't drink but I could use a shot of bourbon right about now.
Erica: Time for another down with Kendall rant.
Bianca: Time to bolt from the table again.
David: Time to make out so the cop over there will have something to write down.
Mary: Time to attach myself to someone's leg and hope he doesn't shake me off.
Jack: Time to down a bottle of Scotch and book a cruise for one for Christmas.

Meanwhile in the ladies room...
Bianca: I think we should tell the truth.
Baby: What? Don't you think there are still a few audience members left who aren't ready to poke their eyes out with sharp sticks over this storyline? Why don't you wait until it's 100%?
Kendall: You can't tell the truth. We have to protect the baby. Don't worry Baby. Auntie Kendall and Mommy will look after you.
Baby: Pardon me if I'm not overwhelmed with confidence at this moment.
Maggie: How could you tell Lena you are pregnant? I thought it was a deep dark secret.
Bianca: It is. The only people who know are you, David, Kendall, Lena, the dry cleaner, the pizza delivery boy, the checkout clerk at Walmart, and a telemarketer who called last night.
Maggie: I just don't think you can trust Lena....and I have my reservations about the telemarketer.
Lena: I'm sorry you feel that way Maggie. But Bianca can trust me. For one thing I'm not dumb enough to have had this conversation with her in a public restroom where anyone could walk in and overhear it.
Maggie: Oh yeah? We'll just see about that. I have an amazing ability to tell if someone is trustworthy.
Baby: I'll bet it's right up there with your fashion sense.

Meanwhile back at the table.....
Derek: I'm here to make an arrest.
David: Arrest Reggie for assault. He poured gravy on me.
Reggie: Hey, it was supposed to go on the turkey wasn't it?
Greenlee: Arrest David and Erica. They've been making out so much even the turkey was embarassed. It crossed it's drumsticks over it's eyes.
Mary: Arrest Ryan. Or just put him in handcuffs. I'll take care of the rest.
Jack: Arrest whoever had the idea of bringing this bunch together for a family dinner...oh wait, that would be me wouldn't it? H***, arrest me then. I could use some peace and quiet.
Derek: I'm here to arrest the one who murdered Michael Cambias. But I'll wait until tomorrow.
Myrtle: Cliffhanger?
Derek: No. Hangover. What did you put in that lemonade back at your house?


Reggie: Will the baby have little horns and a tail?

Maggie: Here, Reggie, eat some bread.

Erica: You are related to us only by crime.

Erica: Don't start with me, Myrtle. I know how my daughter feels.
Kendall: Really? Which one?

Myrtle: Back off, cookie. He's mine.

Jack: After all, we're just one big, happy family trying to enjoy the holiday and stay out of jail.

Myrtle: Oh, shut up!

Reggie: Yo, Davey, you want some gravy?

Bianca: Maggie, you don't know Lena the way I do.


Unverified in non-clip parts

***** (clip a) [Lena at Jack's Thankgsgiving dinner]

Erica: It's Kendall or me. I mean it.
Jack: Just try to remember the spirit of the holiday, will you?
Mary: Diverse peoples coming together to break bread and give thanks.
Erica: Kendall's intrusion here is really revolting. I mean, I can't sit here at the table with her and eat a bite.
David: Why don't we just ignore her?
Kendall: Wonderful. Now that I'm eating for two, I can have my dinner and yours.
[amc031201a-inc2 starts]
Mary: You're pregnant? By whom?
Kendall: Well, my husband is the father, of course. Michael Cambias.
Myrtle: [Lena is seen in camera shot] Kendall, do you know what you're doing?
Mary: What an appalling thought.
Greenlee: For once, I agree with you.
Reggie: Will the baby have little horns and a tail?
Bianca: Reggie, shut up.
Maggie: Here, Reggie, eat some bread.
Maitre 'd: Mr. Montgomery, I could offer you a private room.
David: Why, so the bloodletting won't disturb the other diners?
Erica: Really, Jack, this is too much.
Jack: You know what, robert? We're fine right here.
Erica: Jack, I really don't care where we are. You can't expect Bianca to sit at the same table right next to --
Kendall: Her beloved sister?
Erica: You are related to us only by crime.
Jack: Ooh.
Myrtle: [Lena is seen in camera shot] Don't make it worse, Erica.
Greenlee: Right on, Erica.
Erica: Well, you're no prize as a daughter. Just stay out of it.
[amc031201a-inc2 ends]
Mary: Don't talk to my daughter that way.
Erica: Oh, shut up!
Jack: I want you all to calm down right now.
Kendall: Does anyone find it ironic that I'm being shunned and insulted by Erica? After all, everything I learned about love and kindness I learned from my mother.
Erica: Ok, then. I'll show you love and kindness.
Jack: No, wait --

***** (clip b) [Lena tells Kendall to leave Bianca alone]

Erica: Do you need attention so badly that you would destroy all of us just to get it?
Bianca: Mom, stop it. Would you please just stop it.
Jack: Can't we all just put our differences aside for one damn day?
Erica: "Differences"? You want to call them differences? This is an outrage, and she's rubbing our noses in it.
Mary: Erica, I'm sure you can learn to relate to Kendall if you really try. Look at the progress that Greenlee and I have made. Sometimes, we get so involved in our own feelings that we overlook the hand that's held out to us in peace.
Erica: Oh, I'm holding out my hand, Mary, and I'm going to slap you silly if you don't sit down, and I mean very quickly.
Mary: Well, I just mean that Greenlee and I have gotten so close of late.
Jack: Erica, we understand that you're trying to protect Bianca's feelings.
Erica: Jack, you are acting as if it doesn't even matter. I mean, good god, is protecting your public image more important than protecting your niece?
David: Actually, Bianca hasn't made her feelings known.
Myrtle: Erica, David has a point.
Erica: Don't start with me, Myrtle. I know how my daughter feels.
Kendall: Really? Which one?
Jack: Bianca, do you mind if Kendall joins us?
Bianca: Just don't expect me to sit next to her or hold her hand when we say grace. And please, please don't sit her across from me because I don't want to look at her.
Jack: I think that can be arranged.
[amc031201b-inc2 starts]
[Bianca leaves the table and Kendall gets up to follow]
Lena: Hey -- hey, you heard what she said. Just keep your distance, ok?
[Lena follows Bianca out, and then Maggie follows]
Erica: Bianca just doesn't want to spoil her Uncle's thanksgiving dinner. [amc031201b-inc2 ends]I mean, why don't we just set a place for Michael Cambias, too?
Jack: Oh, you know what? The h*** with this. The h*** with -- I wanted to have a nice, quiet thanksgiving dinner with some family and friends. What the h*** was I thinking about with this bunch? You know, if you're so intent on duking it out, go down to the gym, tie on some gloves, and give each other a beating. Pick up some chicken fingers and fries on the way! But before you go, I want you to take a look at that man over there in the corner. You see him right there? That's a police officer, and we are his assignment.
Erica: We're under surveillance?
Jack: Yes, for anything that could be used against any one of us.
Reggie: What'd he do, bug the turkey or something?
Jack: They don't have to bug the turkey. Everybody in this restaurant has heard us tearing each other to pieces. And he's writing it all down.
Myrtle: Look, Jackson, whatever you want to do, we'll all do it.
Jack: Start pretending that you're enjoying thanksgiving, and do it right now.
Mary: Well, I have nothing to hide, but I'll be happy to cozy up to protect the rest of you.
Myrtle: Back off, cookie. He's mine.
Jack: Robert -- can we get another chair and a couple more table settings here, please? After all, we're just one big, happy family trying to enjoy the holiday and stay out of jail.

***** (clip c) [Bianca and Lena sit together before grace]

Erica: Eating dinner with Kendall Hart -- that is obscene.
David: No, no, no, no, no. Wait a minute, wait a minute. Now, you listen to me. That police officer is watching every move we make. Now, you don't have to make nice to Kendall --
erica: Oh, lord, give me strength.
David: Hey -- come on, my love. Ready? Come on. We can do it.
Reggie: Would you mind cutting that out? I plan on keeping my lunch.
Jack: Ok, Myrtle, would you be so kind as to say grace for us, please?
Myrtle: Oh. Well -- I'll accept the challenge.
Erica: I wish I had a drink.
David: No, you don'T. You wish you could slap Kendall and throw her out of here.
Erica: Hmm. Couldn't have said that better myself.
Jack: Ok, if everyone's ready, Myrtle, if you would, please.
Myrtle: Everybody join hands.
Erica: Myrtle, I'm not going to touch Mary Smythe.
Myrtle: Why not?
Erica: I don't want to hold her hand.
[amc031201c-inc2 starts]
Myrtle: Well, then change places with David. I've got to have everyone holding hands so I can say a decent grace!
David: Wait a minute --
myrtle: Come on!
[All talking at once]
Eerica: Why? I have to hold hands --
Myrtle: About to receive, may god --
[all talking at once]
Myrtle: Oh, shut up! [Lena and Bianca are seen briefly in camera shot looking at Myrtle] Dear god, if ever there was a group that needed thy blessing, it's us.

***** (clip d) [Lena asks Bianca if she wants cider]

[amc031201d-inc1 starts]
[Lena and Bianca holding hands in prayer]
Myrtle: And in conclusion, please teach us all to live peacefully together in this wondrous world you've given us.
Reggie: Without Hayward in it.
Jack: Shush.
Myrtle: And if that can't be accomplished in the next few hours, at least let us all leave here in one piece. Amen.
All: Amen.
Jack: No, not for him. He'll have the cider.
Reggie: Why?
Jack: Why? Because I would not want to get busted for underaged drinking, that's why. "Why?"
Lena: Yes, cider sounds good to me, too. Bianca?
Bianca: Oh, yes, thank you. Cider.
Lena: Cider it is for Ms. Montgomery.
[Maggie's brain puts two and two together]
Ryan: Greetings, all. [amc031201d-inc1 ends] Did I miss the soup?
Ryan: Hope I'm not intruding.
Mary: Of course you're not. Pull up a chair right over here by me.
Jack: No, there's always room for one more.
Erica: I'm glad to see you, ryan.
Kendall: Yes, Erica's in need of reinforcements.
Erica: I think it's great to see a friendly face.
Greenlee: What brings you to our fun little celebration, Ryan?
Ryan: Well, I didn't want you to think I was a sore loser. For the baby.
Mary: Open it.
Erica: Why?
Ryan: They're green booties with a "C" embroidered with gold lettering. Nothing too good for the Cambias heir.
Erica: Ryan, what are you doing?
Kendall: Well, them's the breaks, folks. There has to be a winner to give you losers something to shoot for.
Ryan: Hey, Kendall, you know what I forgot to tell you? The cops were at your place earlier with a search warrant. Yeah, they actually turned the place inside out. It's a good thing that you have nothing to hide.
Kendall: Isn't it?
Ryan: I may be a good loser, Kendall, but I'm not a stupid one. I'll have the courts make sure that your baby deserves that "c" monogram.
Kendall: I'm sorry?
Ryan: Well, you will be if you can't prove that Michael Cambias is the baker of that little bun in your oven. [amc031201d-inc3 starts] Before you get your mitts on one penny of the Cambias fortune, you and your little whosit have to pass a D.N.A. Test.
[Lena and Bianca react to Ryan's words]

***** (clip e) [Lena is seen in various camera shots]

[amc031201e-inc1 starts]
[Bianca gets up to leave; Lena's back is seen]
Bianca: Excuse me, please.
[amc031201e-inc1 ends]
Erica: So, Mary, why aren't you tormenting Adam today?
Mary: You mean the way you're tormenting David?
Erica: Any complaints, darling?
David: Not a one.
Mary: Oh, forgive me. I mean the way you're tormenting Jack.
Erica: Well, at least I was invited by him.
Mary: You know, I suggest that you just --
Jack: You know what? You're both tormenting me, and I would appreciate it if you would both just shush.
Mary: Well, she's baiting me.
Greenlee: Hard to believe you liked her enough to produce little old me, huh?
[amc031201e-inc3 starts]
David: What's the matter, Jack? You have a headache? You know, I could always write you a prescription -- oh, that's right. You already know how to get drugs without a prescription, don't you?
Jack: What the h*** is that supposed to mean?
David: I'm almost embarrassed to admit that I didn't figure out that you planted the heroin in Michael's condo.
Jack: I planted it? That's ridiculous.
David: According to my sources, [shot of Lena reacting] the police are looking to interview you about a missing item from the evidence room at the police station?
Jack: Well, you know what? I think I'll go with Colonel Mustard in the library with a butter knife.
David: No, no, no, no, no, no. Look, don't get me wrong. I'm not knocking you. In fact, I salute you.
Greenlee: Why would the police think that Jack planted the drugs?
David: Well, to give the impression that Michael's death was drug-related -- and, of course, to take the heat off himself.
Greenlee: But they can't think that you were involved with the murder. I gave you an alibi.
Mary: Darling, you're such a good daughter.
Erica: Oh, yes, you're the perfect daughter. You're so perfect that your noble father couldn't dream of dragging your precious self into this messy murder case.
Mary: Jack, I think, was very sweet and considerate.
Greenlee: I swore to them that you were with me all night.
Jack: Yes, and I told them that you weren't remembering clearly.
Erica: Yeah, never mind all the other terrible things that Greenlee has done. She mustn't commit perjury.
David: [Lena is seen in a wide shot] Ladies, please. Look, why don't we all raise a toast to our surprisingly resourceful D.A., Planting heroin. One question, Jack -- did you also shoot the little b******?
[amc031201e-inc3 ends]
Erica: David, that's enough.
Mary: That's an insane idea.
Myrtle: Well, I knew today wouldn't be boring.
Greenlee: You're out of line, David.
Jack: You know what? You say anything you want, Hayward, but the fact of the matter is the police are breathing down your neck, too.

***** (clip f) [Reggie pours gravy on David while necking with Erica (no Lena)]

Erica: Are you worried?
David: With my fabulous alibi?
Erica: He's watching.
Reggie: Yo, Davey, you want some gravy?
[Erica screams]
Rryan: Whoa!
Reggie: I spilled it. I'm so sorry.
David: No, you didn't spill it. You did that on purpose!
Jack: I'm sure it was an accident.
Erica: No, it was not, Jack! You've got to stop protecting Reggie. I mean, he has to take the -- the consequences of his behavior, just like the rest of us.

***** (clip g) [Maggie is mad that Bianca told Lena about the pregnancy]

[amc031201g starts]

Maggie: Why did you tell Lena that you were pregnant?
Bianca: Because I thought it was time.
Maggie: Well, what makes you think that you can actually trust her?
Bianca: Maggie, where is this coming from?
Maggie: Think about all of the lying and the double-crossing that she has done.
Bianca: I'm sorry, but a few months ago, didn't you tell me that I should tell her?
Maggie: Yeah, and you found out that you couldn't.
Bianca: No, I thought I couldn't. I could. Maggie, you don't know Lena the way I do.
Maggie: I know I don't. She's always out for herself. I don't trust her.
Lena: Well, I don't blame you. But Bianca knows that I won't betray her, and you can trust that, too, Maggie.
Maggie: Well, since I can't take back what I just said, I guess we're just going to have to wait and find out, huh?
Lena: Bianca, your mother's getting worried about you. Maybe you should get back to the table.
Maggie: Yeah. Let's go.

***** (clip h) [Maggie, Bianca, and Lena return to the dinner]

Erica: Jackson, you always turn a blind eye to whatever Reggie's doing.
Jack: Now, that's ridiculous, and you know that.
Erica: I'm --
david: What are you doing?
Mary: I'm just trying to help you.
Erica: Yeah, we know what you're trying to do, mary, and you're disgusting. Greenlee, would you please just put a hold on that desperate mother of yours.
[Bianca with Maggie and Lena in tow returns to the dinner]
Bianca: What'd I miss?
Reggie: Oh, nothing. Just an accident with the gravy boat --
erica: Accident? It was not an accident, reggie. It was an attack.
Reggie: Well, how would you know? You were too busy sucking the air out of Dr. Hayseed's lungs to see anything.
Erica: "Hayseed"?
Jack: All right --
Erica: You see what I'm talking about?
Jack: Just quiet down, everybody. Looks like we have some more guests. Hey. Just in time for pie and coffee.
Derek: I wish that's why we were here.
Jack: What, are you telling me you guys are on duty?
Justin: Sorry, folks. We're not going to take you away from your desserts, but we're here to make an arrest for the murder of Michael Cambias.

***** (clip i)


I have the following clips (incompletes are arked "inc"):
amc031201a-inc2.mpg (7.7m; 0:45) Lena at Jack's Thankgsgiving dinner
amc031201b-inc2.mpg (2.5m; 0:14) Lena tells Kendall to leave Bianca alone
amc031201c-inc.mpg (6m; 0:35) Bianca and Lena sit together before grace
amc031201d-inc1.mpg (7.8m; 0:46) Lena asks Bianca if she wants cider
amc031201d-inc3.mpg (2.4m; 0:14) Lena and Bianca react to Ryan's demand for a DNA test
amc031201e-inc1.mpg (1.2m; 0:07) Bianca leaves the dinner table
amc031201e-inc3.mpg (13.9m; 1:21) Lena sighs during the dinner
amc031201g.mpg (9.3m; 0:55) Maggie is mad that Bianca told Lena about the pregnancy

I am eliciting volunteers to host the clips throughout the web. If you have 5-100megs of space you can lend to this project, please let me know!

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