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HERCULES: THE LEGENDARY JOURNEYS

LOVE ON THE ROCKS


EPISODE NO. H99
Season 5, episode 19
Series 519
1st release: 03/01/99
2nd release:
Production number: VO720
Approximate shooting dates: December 1998
Last update: 04-21-99


GUEST STARS, CAST & CREDITS
PROMO TRANSCRIPTION
TV GUIDE PROMO
SUMMARY by Bluesong
SYNOPSIS by Hawk
TALES OF THE HERCAVERSE


GUEST STARS
Michael Hurst (Iolaus 2)
Alexandra Tydings (Aphrodite)

CAST
Angela Marie Dotchin (Nautica)
Meighan Desmond (Discord)
Bruce Hopkins
Hori Ahipene

CREDITS
Written by Kevin Maynard
Directed by Rick Jacobson


PROMO TRANSCRIPTION
A BABEALICIOUS BATTLE--
Discord: At least I don't double as a floatation device!
Aphrodite (angrily): Ahh!
THE GODDESS OF LOVE--
Aphrodite: Whoo!
Discord: Shut up!
(A catfight between Aphrodite and Discord.)
VERSUS--
Aphrodite: The goddess of skank.
AN ALL NEW--
Aphrodite: Fashion victim!
Discord: Blonde!
Aphrodite: Huh?!
(Hercules shrugs.)
HERCULES!

ON AN ALL NEW HERCULES--
(Iolaus 2 and Nautica look frightened.)
(A thug grabs Nautica and she screams.)
THE GODDESS OF LOVE--
Iolaus 2 (to Aphrodite): I need your help.
GOES TO WAR--
(Aphrodite kicks Discord.)
Aphrodite (to Iolaus 2): Let's go save your girlfriend.
(Iolaus 2 punches a man.)
NOW, IN A BABEALICIOUS BATTLE--
Aphrodite: Yeah!
TO SAVE A FISH CALLED--
Nautica: Nautica.
Aphrodite: Did you say Nautica?
LITTLE MISS MATCHMAKER HAS MET HER MATCH.
Discord: At least I don't double as a floatation device!
Aphrodite (angrily): Ahh!
IT'S THE GODDESS OF LOVE--
Aphrodite: Whoo!
Discord: Shut up!
(A catfight between Aphrodite and Discord.)
VERSUS--
Aphrodite: The goddess of skank.
AN ALL NEW--
Aphrodite: Fashion victim!
Discord: Blonde!
Aphrodite: Huh?!
(Hercules shrugs.)
HERCULES!

TV GUIDE PROMO
A mermaid (a daughter of Poseidon) falls in love with Iolaus.

Iolaus falls in love with a mermaid, who is Posiedon's daughter.

A mermaid named Nautica swims away from home and into the arms of Iolaus 2. But Nautica isn't aware that she has an important duty in her watery world.

The evil Discord tricks a mermaid into giving up her tail for legs.

Like Iolaus before him, Iolaus 2 is unlucky in love. The object of his affection in this cute "Hercules: The Legendary Journeys" is a mermaid named Nautica.

An unsuspecting Iolaus 2 falls in love with Triton's daughter, unaware she's really a mermaid in human form.





SUMMARY:

Summary by Bluesong

Hercules tries to bolster alternate universe Iolus by teaching him to spar. Aphrodite tells Hercules about a mudslide, and he disappears for the rest of the episode. A mermaid argues with Triton, her father, about marrying a squid. Discord pops in and convinces the mermaid to let her give her legs. Iolus fights off some tough guys with Aphrodite's help. Iolus meets the mermaid and they fall in love, without Aphrodite's help. Discord plots to keep the mermaid on land, because the mermaid is the warmth of the ocean and Discord wants an ice pond. Discord and Aphrodite argue. Goons confront Iolus and the mermaid; they run. Iolus and the mermaid start to tell each other their respective truths. Aphrodite learns that the mermaid is the warmth of the sea. She tells Iolus, who doesn't believe her, and Aphrodite gets mad. The goons kidnap the mermaid. Iolus apologizes to Aphrodite and asks for her help. They go to rescue the mermaid. Aphrodite beats up Discord. Iolus beats up goons. Iolus carries the mermaid back to the sea. Aphrodite cries because it's so sad. Hercules returns.



SYNOPSIS:

Synopsis by Hawk.

It's the Goddess of Love Vs the Goddess of Skank!

Our story begins with Herc and the Jester doing a little sparring. It seems that the Jester is somewhat inept at this sort of thing and Herc wants to teach him how to defend himself. The Jester is wearing this big old quilted, padded suite that I'm sure is extremely hot and uncomfortable to wear. Only Michael Hurst's face and ears can be seen in the thing, testament to the sacrifices made by this actor for the sake of a good show. Aphrodite appears, distracts the Jester and Herc plants a viscous punch into his face, knocking him for a loop! Poor guy, but then again, I suppose I'd be distracted if Aphrodite suddenly appeared in front of me. He takes off his padded helm and we get a look at Michael's new haircut. Don't worry gang, it looks pretty good!

Aphrodite tells Herc about a natural disaster about to take place in another town and so he conveniently leaves. Before he goes, he asks Aphrodite to hang out with the Jester and sort of take care of him. So now we have the inept, bumbling Jester cruising with the very stunningly beautiful Aphrodite! He's laying this story on her about how he wants to fall in love and you know this is a bad combination, right?

Elsewhere, Triton (Poseidon's brother) is trying to talk his mermaid-daughter (Nautica) into marrying someone. She doesn't really want to do this because she wants to find her own true love. Soon discord shows up dressed in her black leather and wearing too much hairspray. I don't know gang. She's cute, but the black make-up and big hair just doesn't do it for me.

Anyway, she talks Nautica into going off on her own and searching for her true love. She even gives her human legs so she can get around. The really weird part is that, before, Nautica had a bikini top on. When she got her new legs, she lost the top for some reason! Of course, it doesn't take her long to make a lot of friends. Unfortunately she cannot get wet or she'll magically lose the legs and become a mermaid again. So now she's wandering around a village in the nude and asking strangers to "be her friend".

Aphrodite and the Jester arrive in a village and encounter some tax collectors (thugs working for a guy named Brutus) roughing up the locals. Someone thinks the Jester is actually Iolus and so they appeal to him for help. He knows absolutely nothing about fighting, but Aphrodite encourages him, saying he can be the hero and have all the girls he wants. The thugs rough him up and Aphrodite has to use her magic to help him out. Nautica happens to see the Jester beat up the thugs and now she's wanting to meet this guy because he's just so groovy. They meet and she makes a pass at him.

Discord appears to Brutus who is obvious a simpleton with a touch of insanity. (Nice job by the actor btw). We learn that Discord's plan is to keep the mermaid on dry land until sunset, but we don't know exactly why. Somehow if she can keep her on dry land, the sea will be hers. The thugs show up and tell them that this guy beat them up in the village. Discord is fuming and sends them back after Nautical.

Meanwhile, the Jester has his hands full trying to impress Nautica. He's juggling fruit (is there some symbolism here?) and acting like a 10 year old with his first crush. She looks over at a fishmonger's cart and sees a pile of fish. One of them happens to be one of her relatives and there's a brief skit about that. She's upset and leaves as Aphrodite appears to the Jester. She assures the Jester that she had nothing to do with the feelings between he and Nautica. So he thinks that's swell because he wanted the love to be real and natural. I'm thinking that Aphrodite is the Goddess of Love and that all natural love comes from her, but apparently the rules don't apply here. Anyway, Nautica and the Jester meet up again and Nautica wants to get married.

Back at Triton's underwater Palace, the Sirens are wailing this long mournful song as Aphrodite shows up. Triton asks her for help. He tells her that when Nautica was born, the gods gifted her with a heart so pure that it warms the sea. If she doesn't return before sundown, the seas will turn to ice! Now we know why Discord wants Nautica on dry land (but I never quite figured out what she planned to do with a big old chunk of ice…or how she planned to get away with all this). So Aphrodite realizes that she has to get Nautica back to the sea, and this is going to break both the Jester and Nautica's heart.

She finds them in a meadow frolicking and having good clean fun. We know its good clean fun because this is a children's show isn't it? It isn't? Oh well. Anyway, Aphrodite tells the Jester the whole story and he goes into denial. He gets mad and accuses Aphrodite of being jealous because she didn't have anything to do with their falling in love. He then tells her she needs to cover up and wear more clothes, and I'm starting to side with Aphrodite at this point. I like her attire just fine thank you! So she gets mad and disappears.

Meanwhile, the goons capture Nautica and take her to their hideout. Discord tells her that she has been duped and that she was just a pawn in her dastardly plan. The Jester learns she is missing and he realizes that he needs help to find her. So he gets a bunch of flowers and goes to Aphrodite's shrine to beg forgiveness. She comes back and they set off after Nautica.

At the hideout, the Jester, now in love and fighting for his lady love, is a true hero. He fights them tooth and nail and does a pretty fair job for a guy who is afraid to fight. Unfortunately, they overwhelm and subdue him. Discord tries to jump in, but she and Aphrodite get into this big old cat fight, pulling hair and rolling around everywhere. Discord uses her magic and Aphrodite counters it with her own, deflecting the bolt into a large barrel of water. The barrel smashes and water splashes all over Nautica. (You saw this coming didn't you)? I did too. A pretty girl all tied up. Makes sense to splash her with lots of water. Anyway, she turns back into a mermaid and the goons stop fighting. They all just stare at Nautica. All of them except Aphrodite, who goes berserk and beats the tar out of discord.

Later the jester returns Nautica to the sea. They say their farewells, talk about how they truly love one another and then she swims out of his life (forever)? Aphrodite is sniffling because "theirs was a love that could never be". But the Jester is taking it pretty well. He has a newfound confidence now. Herc shows up and we learn that the natural disaster missed the town entirely and all he did was sign some autographs.



TALES OF THE HERCAVERSE

02-07-99. LOVE ON THE ROCKS, a new HERCULES episode, was filmed in early December 1998 in NZ. It was written by Kevin Maynard and was about a mermaid who fell in love with Iolaus. Either Sorbo was not in the episode or it was a Herk-lite one, because Sorbo was in Hawaii having some R&R at the beginning of December 1998.





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