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“King Con”  Episode 61/315


[Background Voices in Gambling Hall]:  “Come on.”  

Joxer [J]:  “One for the gipper [?]!  I did it again!  All
right, you sweet beauties-- come to Papa.”

Titus:  “Name is Titus.”

J:  “Great-- great.”

Titus:  “I own the place.  You know, you’re really good.  How
about we-- _really_ test your skill?  Maybe-- double your

J:  “That sounds great!  Um-- unfortunately, I’m meeting some
friends.”  [Walks away, humming]


Rafe:  “Try that again, and you’re a dead man!”

Eldon:  “Hey!  I saw’r it first, Pal!”

Rafe:  “Who you calling ‘Pal,’ Pal?!”

Eldon:  “Hey!  Who you shoving?!”

J:  “Whoa, whoa, hold on a second, fellas!  Sorry, I just--
couldn’t help overhearing.”

Eldon:  “Butt out, buddy!”

J:  “Wait a minute.  Maybe I can help.”

Eldon:  “I said scram!”

Rafe:  “No-- wait!  Maybe we could use a third opinion.  See--
me and him-- we found this gold nugget worth at least-- oh-- 50
dinars.  The only problem is-- neither of us has the money to
buy the other one out.”

Eldon:  “And we don’t trust each other to cash it in-- even
going together, he tried to run off with it.”

Rafe:  “Only after you attempted to swallow it.  You see the

J:  [Chuckles]  “I’d have to be an idiot not to.  Swallowing
something like that can be _very_ dangerous.  Hmm.”

Rafe:  “Yes, but the more immediate problem we have is finding
someone who has enough money in order to cash out this nugget
right here on the spot.  Who walks around with that kind of
change, huh?  Huh.”

J:  “This is your lucky day.  I just took the gaming house for a
_hundred_ dinars.”

Rafe:  “No kiddin’?!”

J:  “Ah!”

Rafe:  “Why, if you’re serious about helping us out-- here’s
what we’ll do.  I’ll borrow-- 50 dinars from you.”

J:  “Uh-- ”

Rafe:  “But-- I’ll only keep 25.  ‘K?  I’ll use the other 25 to
pay you back.  And that way, we’re even.  Then I give _you_ 25--
you give me the nugget.”

Eldon:  “Uh-- but that _shorts_ me 25 dinars.”

J:  “Yeah.”

Rafe:  “No-- ‘cause you’ll get paid the other 25 from the 25
that I gave _you_.”

J:  “Ohhh.”

Rafe:  “Then-- I give you the nugget.  You give me the _50_
dinars that it’s _worth _-- and we’re all square-- right?”

Eldon:  “Right!”

J:  “Wrong.  We’re not square-- until you two clasp hands in the
spirit of true fellowship.”

Eldon:  “Appreciate you making this so easy.”

Rafe:  “Yeah-- thanks, friend.”

J:  “Thank you-- sucker.  Hmm-hmm.  Hmmmm.  Just call me ‘Mr.

Rafe:  “What do you think’ll happen when he finally figures it

Eldon:  “That he’s holding fools’ gold?”

Rafe:  “No-- that you took his sword?”  [They laugh.]


X:  “No, you are _not_ getting off-- your ankle’s too swollen.”

G:  “I’m telling you Xena-- this sprain is not _half_ as bad as
the last one.”

X:  “The less you’re on it, the faster it’ll heal.  Besides,
when we hook up with Joxer we’ll stop and make camp.  It’s not
like him to be late.”

G:  “What do to want to bet that he stopped to watch the paint
dry-- or the grass grow-- and he _completely_ forgot-- ”

X:  “Huh.”

G:  “-- hmm?  Believe me, I know Joxer almost as well as I know

X:  “And how well is _that_?”

G:  “Well enough to know what you’re thinking most of the time.
Like right now, you’re thinking, ‘She thinks she knows me, huh?
We’ll see about that.’”

X:  “Easy guess.”

G:  “OK.  Now you’re thinking, ‘Oh, wait-- I haven’t thought of
anything yet.’  Right?”

X:  “And what am I thinking, now?”

G:  “You wouldn’t dare-- not to an _injured_ woman.”

X:  “Listen.  [Sounds of fight]  Come on..”


Leo:  “For the last time-- where’s Pop’s money?  So long, Mr.

Thugs:  “Let’s get outta here!  Come on, Leo!”  [Other
incomprehensible stuff here as well]

G:  “Is he-- ?”

X:  “If we can treat him and get him to someplace safe, he
stands a chance-- which is more than I can say for the men who
did this to him.”



Eldon:  “48-- 49-- 50.”

Rafe:  “Partners for three years, and _still_ you bet against
me?  Why is that, Eldon?”

Eldon:  “Law of probability.  You see?  You’re good, and you’re
lucky, but-- face it, Rafe-- you gotta lose sometime.”

Rafe:  “Wanna bet?”

X:  “I’ll take a piece of _that_ action.”

Rafe:  “Have we met?”

X:  “Where’d you get that sword?”

Rafe:  “Oh-- actually, they say I take after my father in that

X:  “The sword on the table!”

Rafe:  “Oh-- that sword-- found it.”

Eldon:  “Hey!  What do you think you’re-- ?”

X:  “That sword belongs to a friend of mine-- who was beaten
nearly to death.  So-- either you start fillin’ in some holes--
or I start making ‘em.  You’re a _bettin’_ man.  Care to wager
on how long it’ll take me to miss?”

Eldon:  “We took it off an easy mark, this morning-- but, I
swear, we never touched him.  That sounds more like Titus’
style, right Rafe?”

Rafe:  “Or his son, Leo’s.”

X:  “Who are they?”

Eldon:  “Own the local gaming club.  Your friend won big there,
but-- Titus-- he’d rather die than lose.”

Rafe:  “Or rather see someone else die.  Odds are, they do.”

X:  “The odds just changed.”

Eldon:  “You gonna kill him?”

X:  “Maybe-- but not before I make him pay for what he did to
Joxer.  Come on, we got work to do-- unless you’d rather that I
hand you over to the authorities.  I hear that they cut out your
tongue, brand your arm, and jail you for life.  What do you

Rafe:  “May we confer?”

X:  “Make it quick.”

Rafe:  “What do you think?”

Eldon:  “You kiddin’?  I don’t know about you, but my tongue’s a
vital part of my anatomy.”

Rafe:  “No, no, no, no,-- I, I meant her.  What do you make of

Eldon:  “Trust me, Rafe.  No man can make her.”

Rafe:  “Oh.  I can.”

Eldon:  “Thirty dinars says you can’t so much as get her to kiss

X:  “So, what’s your answer?”

Rafe:  “You’re on.”


Titus:  “What do you mean, the money’s gone?  [Slaps his head]
How could it be gone?!”

Leo:  “He tried telling us he traded it for fools’ gold-- but
nobody’s _that_ dumb!”

Titus:  “Then, where is it?”

Leo:  “I don’t know.  [Titus slaps his head again.]  Ahh!  We
were beating it out of him, when this wo-- when someone came
along, we had to run or risk being recognized.”

Titus:  “You mean-- you left him _alive_?”

Leo:  “Barely.”

Titus:  “Now, you listen to me, Leo.  I don’t care what it
takes-- you find him and finish the job-- ‘cause _no one_ makes
a loser out of me.  You got that, Leo?  No one.”


G:  “There you go.  Joxer-- I don’t know if you can hear me,
but, um-- stay with us.  I mean, Xena and I-- we ca- we care
about you, and-- uh-- I mean, I know it’s-- kind of _hard_ to
tell sometimes-- you’re like family to us, s-- don’t leave us,

X:  “Still no change?”

G:  “No.  These the guys who conned him?”

Eldon:  “Look-- we never laid a finger-- ”

Rafe:  “Wait, wait, wait, wait-- she said, ‘conned.’  You _knew_
that we never beat him.”

Eldon:  “She played us for suckers.  Come on-- let’s go.”

G:  “Wait a minute!  Look at him.  You took his sword; you left
him defenseless.  How can you  just walk away?”

Eldon:  “Easy.  Watch.”

X:  “I’ve got a plan to take Titus for all he’s worth.  Help me,
and I’ll cut you in for half.”

Rafe:  “You asking?”

X:  “I’m offering.”

Rafe:  “We’re in.”

J:  [Moans]

X:  “Hey-- hey, Joxer.  It’s all right.  We’re here, now.”

G:  “Sh.”

X:  “Everything’s gonna be all right, I promise.”

G:  “Shh-sh-shh.”

X:  “Get one of the acolytes, quick.  It’s OK.  Joxer-- ”

G:  “Shh.”

X:  “-- lie still.  Come on, relax.”

G:  “Joxer, sh.”

X:  “He needs more arnica.  I’ll get another blanket.”


Rafe:  “Nice come-out.  You’ve done this before.”

X:  “It’s been a while.”

Rafe:  “Well, that’s too bad-- a waste of talent.”

X:  “I have many skills-- most of which I use against people
like you.”

Rafe:  “All right.  Correct me if I’m wrong, but I get the
feeling that you don’t like me much.”

X:  “Not true-- I don’t like you at all.”

Rafe:  “You’re some kind of friend-- teaming up with somebody
that you hate-- just to set things square for your pal.  Not
everybody would do that.  All right-- so what do you want from
me?  Table odds?”

X:  “That’s right-- only don’t make it too obvious.  I want to
rattle Titus’s cage a little-- shake him up.”

Rafe:  “Seeing what he did to your friend, I do not blame you.
Look, Xena-- I’m sorry.  Uh, you know-- for our part in this.  I
swear-- we would have never have fleeced your friend-- had we
known how it was gonna to go down.  Believe me.”

X:  “Thanks.  I’ll tell you what I believe.  I believe that you
bet your buddy that you could score with me-- and that this
whole line of bull is just you trying to win a bet that you can
only lose.”

Rafe:  “Hmm.” 

X:  “Let’s roll.”


Dealer’s Voice:  “No more bets.  The wheels spinning.”

Dealer:  “Place your bets.  All bets down.”

X:  “Lucky nine!  Mama needs a new pair of sandals.”

Woman:  “Yay!”

Dealer:  “Shooter stays lucky.  No wonder they call luck a lady,
eh, men?”

X:  “When you’re hot, you’re hot.”

Woman’s Voice:  “Oh!  Good roll!”

Man’s Voice:  “Hey-- nicely done.”


Thug:  “Sorry, boss.  Croup needs a new set of bones.  Think we
got a hustler, but-- we can’t suss her out.”


Titus:  “OK-- who’s the wench?”

Eldon:  “Which way to the boxing match?  [Chuckles]  40 dinars
says mine’s gonna win.  [Chuckles]  Oh, could you guys help?”

Guard:  “Come on, butterfingers-- pick ‘em up!”


X:  “Double-decker.”

Dealer:  “All bets down.  Shooter’s ready to roll.  What’s your

X:  “Easy five.  Come on.  Huh.  Oh, yeah!”

Titus:  “She’s cheating.”

X:  “OK.”

Titus:  “Nobody’s that good.”

Thug:  “Wow-- croup’s already switched bones twice.”

X:  “Ready?  Nothing but fives.  [Crash off-stage]  Yeah!”


Titus:  “What happened?”

Guard:  “I don’t know.  We heard a crash and came running--
but-- ”

Titus:  “Come out-- or die where you stand.”



Titus:  “You’ve got a heartbeat to tell me what you’re doing in

G:  “Oh.”

X:  “Relax.  Down, boys.  She’s taking measurements for my new

Titus:  “Your new-- ?  Who in Tartarus are _you_?”

X:  “The woman who’s going to own this place, and everything in
it-- those paintings, that statue-- hmm.  Oh-- even this pretty
little trinket.”

Titus:  “Just-- put that down!  Look!  That belonged to an
empress!  How-- ?!  Guards?!”

X:  “Think fast, Titus!”


X:  “By the gods, it’d be so easy, just-- ”

G:  “Xena!”

X:  “No-- no, killing’s too good for scum like you.  I am gonna
take you down piece by piece, till there is nothing left-- not
your club, your money, your pride-- not even your stinkin’ ruby.
I’m gonna take it all, and I’m gonna love every minute of it!”

Titus:  “Now, look-- I don’t know _what_ your angle is-- but
everybody’s got a price.  What’s yours?”

X:  “Everything-- and there’s nothing you can do to stop me.”


G:  “So, how did I do?  Was that crash loud enough, huh?  How
about my timing?”

X:  “Perfect.  Phase one and phase two are done.  We’ve got some
money and, more importantly, we got Titus’ attention.”

G:  “What’s next?”

X:  “We gotta move fast.  Rafe and I’ll get the disguises; you
watch Joxer; while Eldon watches Titus.  As soon as he moves to
have Leo stash that ruby, and he will-- we run the first con.”

G:  “So, you and Rafe, huh?  He’s not too bad, is he?”

X:  “You mean, for someone who makes his money cheating others
out of theirs?  Yeah, he’s a prince.”

G:  “I didn’t say he was perfect.  But you saw him with Joxer--
and you have to admit, he’s smart-- and he’s funny.  He’s

X:  “Arrogant and self-centered, and-- ”

G:  “Your typical bad boy-- just your type.”


Rafe:  “Argh-- what do ya think?  Holy Hera.”

X:  “We’re pushing time.  You got a problem?”

Rafe:  “Uh, clearly not.”

X:  “Good, then give me that hat.”

Rafe:  “What do you say?”

X:  “Or else?”

Rafe:  “You’re welcome.  So, you always this focused?”

X:  “That’s right.  You always this nosey, huh?”

Rafe:  “Not anymore.”


J:  “No, I won’t let’cha.  If anyone’s going after Titus, it’s
gonna be me.”

G:  “Joxer-- if Leo or Titus saw you, they’d kill you.”

J:  “Not if I saw ‘em first.”

G:  “What are you gonna do, bleed on them?  Now, make sense.
Joxer!  Lay still, or I’ll restrain you!  Joxer-- swear to me
that you’ll lay still and forgert about Titus.  We’ll take care
of him.  I promise.”

J:  [Sighs]


Titus:  “You-- idiot.  Why didn’t you tell me this before?”

Leo:  “Oh, come on, Pop.  I thought you’d get mad at me for, for
running away from a woman-- even one like Xena.”

Titus:  “You’re right.  [Slaps him across his face]  So, she’s a
friend of this little _pissant_, is she?”

Leo:  “_Gotta_ be.  I’ve looked everywhere for him.  She must
have him hidden.”

Titus:  “Then keep looking.  We find this Joxer, we’ve got a
card to play against her.  But first-- I want you to do
something _very_ important for me.”


Eldon:  “What are _you_ doin’ here?”

G:  “Joxer fell asleep.  I thought you could use a break.”

Eldon:  “Huh, not me-- but your friend’s headed for one.”

G:  “Xena?  Headed for what?”

Eldon:  “Heartbreak-- if she doesn’t watch out.”

G:  “We _are_ talking about Xena, right?”

Eldon:  [Chuckles]  Joke if you want-- but when a guy like Rafe
_doubles_ the bet we got on it, I’d say he’s feeling pretty

G:  “Doubles what bet?  Did you and he-- ?”

Eldon:  “It’s showtime.”


G-as-wife’s Voice:  “Help!  Somebody help-- please!”

Eldon-as-thief:  [Yells]

X-as-blonde:  “You _better_ run, you dirty thief!  There must be
a small fortune in here.”

G-as-wife:  “It’s our life savings.  Please, just take it and
get a doctor.  My husband’s hurt real bad.”

X-as-blonde:  “I wouldn’t know where to look.”

Leo:  “I would.  _I’ll_ get a doctor.”

X-as-blonde:  “Then, at least have the good sense ta hide it!
That thug could stirke at any moment!  Here, I’ll show you.
Give me your valuables.”

Leo:  “Why?”

X-as-blonde:  “Because, if they’re all together, they’re easier
to hide.  Come on!  He’s _dyin’_ already!”

Leo:  “All right.”

X-as-blonde:  “Now watch.  [Sings]  Na-na-na-na.  Na-na.  Na-na.
Na-na-na-_na_-na-na.  Ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba.  [Hums]  [Speaks]
See how simple?”

Leo:  “For you.  But I don’t happen to own a pair of those.”

X-as-blonde:  “Then lower your sights.”

G-as-wife:  “Hurry!  Hurry!”

Leo:  “All right.”

X-as-blonde:  “Now, go!  And don’t stop for anything or

Leo:  “Lady, you can count on it.”

X:  “Oh, I do, Leo-- I really do.”

G:  “We did it.  Titus will have a fit.”

X:  “Well, that’s nothing compared to what we’re taking next.”

G:  “What’s that?”

X and Rafe:  “Leo.”

Rafe:  “Great minds-- ”

G:  “We just _had_ Leo.  Why didn’t we keep him?”   

X:  “Because, we don’t wanna just defeat Titus, we wanna destroy
him bit by bit.  Now, let’s get going.  We’ll check on Joxer,
and then get the last phase underway.”


G:  “Poor guy-- he’s still sleeping.”

Rafe:  “Ah-- can you blame him?”

X:  “No.”

G:  [Whispers]  “No.”

Rafe:  “If Titus has him, we’re finished.”

X:  “So’s Joxer.”



X:  “According to the acolytes, Joxer was here when they checked
him at noon.”

G:  “It’s my fault.  I should’ve hog-tied him when he asked me

X:  “Hey, forget it.  You’re not to blame.”

Eldon:  “Blame for what?”

Rafe:  “Joxer’s missing.”

Eldon:  “What?!  Oh, great!  Of all the stupid, idiotic,
imbecilic-- that’s what we get, working with amateurs.”

X:  “You got a problem with us?  We’ll take it up later.  Right
now, we gotta find Joxer and get things back on track.”

Rafe:  “Right.  We’ll check the gaming clubs, in case Titus made
a grab for him.”

Eldon:  “Are you crazy?  If Titus has him, he’s probably spilled
his guts by now.  I say we fold the con and blow.”

G:  “You _would_ like that, wouldn’t you?  Just make a mess and
walk away.  You know, you wanted to do that from the start.”

Eldon:  “Hey!  I didn’t make this mess.  Your friend did.  And
you two are only making it worse.”

X:  “All right-- that’s enough.”

Eldon:  “I’ll say it is.  We’re the best in the business.
What’re we doing with these two?” 

Rafe:  “I’ll tell you.  We’re gonna help them find Joxer.  Then
we’re gonna make the grab for Leo.  And then the con is back
into play.  Do you understand?!”

Eldon:  “You bet I do.”

X:  “Let’s go.  We’ll check the woods.  We’ll meet you back at
the tavern.”

Rafe:  “Good luck.”

X:  “You too.”

Eldon:  “Man, you’d say anything to win that bet, wouldn’t you?”

Rafe:  “Bet’s off, Eldon.”

Eldon:  “Fine!  You give me 60 dinars, it’s off.  Otherwise, a
bet’s a bet.  You’ve never welched yet, so why start now?”

Rafe:  “Hey-- I’m not the one who wants to cut and run.  If we
do that-- well-- even I can’t score long-distance.”

Eldon:  “Maybe you can’t score at _all_.  Maybe that’s why
you’re so-- willing to bail on this bet.”

Rafe:  “Who’s bailing?  I just think we ought to focus on the

Eldon:  “Wait.  Don’t tell me she’s turned the tables.  That’s
it, isn’t it?!  You’re falling for the biggest con of all.
You’re falling in love.  I can’t believe it.”

Rafe:  “Good-- ‘cause if you’re that big a fool, then I have to
start looking for a new partner.”

Eldon:  “Hey-- I know the one who’s being played for a sucker--
and I sure won’t work with any mark who is.”

Rafe:  “Then you have no problems.”

Eldon:  “The bet stands?”

Rafe:  “What do you think?”


X:  “If Joxer did head for town, five’ll get you ten he’s headed
this way.”

G:  “Now, you’re starting to talk like him.”

X:  “Who?”

G:  “Who do you think?  Rafe.”

X:  “I thought you liked him.”

G:  “I did like him-- at first.  I think that your gut instinct
was right.”

X:  “What changed your mind about him, hmm?”

G:  “I don’t trust him, Xena.  Like you said, he is a con man.
A guy like that is always on the make.”

X:  “This is about that bet, isn’t it?  Between Rafe and Eldon.”

G:  “You know about that?”

X:  “Enough to assure you that Rafe knows he can’t win.  My
guess is he’s already called off the bet by now.”

G:  “Xena-- not according to Eldon.  He said that Rafe _doubled_

X:  “Well, has it occurred to you that maybe Eldon wanted you to
tell me that, so that I wouldn’t get anywhere near Rafe?”

G:  “Do you think?”

Leo:  “Let’s go, Mr. Lucky.  Come on!  Get up, you wimp!  You’re
my ticket out of the doghouse!”

X:  “And I’m the ticket-taker.”


X:  “Smart money says you’re going down.”

G:  “Come on.”  “You OK?”

X:  “We’ll get Joxer back after I’ve trussed up Leo for

G:  “What then?”

X:  “We take down Titus.”


Rafe:  “Uh-- relax.  This is not going to work if you’re tense.”

X:  “I’m not tense.  I’m just concerned about Joxer.”

Rafe:  “He’ll be fine-- thanks to you.  All right, now, turn

X:  “Why?”

Rafe:  “Just do it.  Zeus, I’m not gonna knife you in the back.”

X:  “Not unless it improves the odds.”

Rafe:  “What?”

X:  “I said, we don’t have time for this.”

Rafe:  “Look!  Either you wanna take Titus down or not.”

X:  “OK.”

Rafe:  “Huh-- nooooooo-- you’re not tense.”

X:  “Hey.”

Rafe:  “Nah, uh-uh.  Come on-- come on, come on, come on.  Give
it a chance.  You know what your problem is?”

X:  “No, but I’ll lay odds that you’re gonna tell me.”

Rafe:  “You are taking this con way too personal.”

X:  “Joxer’s a friend-- that makes it personal.”

Rafe:  “Wrong-- that makes it important-- which is exactly why
it’s better to stay detached.”

X:  “Better or safer?”

Rafe:  “Smarter.  Getting involved always blows things.”

X:  “For you, maybe.  Caring keeps you focused.”

Rafe:  “Too risky.”

X:  “I’ve learned that it’s worth it.”

Rafe:  “I’ve learned to play it safe.” 

X:  “Well, that is _exactly_ your problem!  I don’t play safe.”
[They are about to kiss.]

Waitress:  “Ooops!  Excuse me.  Sorry if I was-- interrupting


Titus:  “She may be good at killing in battle, but-- I’ve killed
at cards all my life.  Bottom line is-- I play Xena-- I win.
So, why do I need you?”

Eldon:  “Because you won’t be playing Xena-- at least not _just_
Xena.  You’ll be up against the best in the business-- a guy
named Rafe.  Trust me-- no one can beat them both-- without a
little inside help.”



X:  “Evening, Titus.  Seems we’ve got a little something you
might want back.”

Tittus:  “Sure do.  That ruby’s priceless.”

G:  “She meant your son.”

Titus:  “Oh, did she?  And how much is Leo gonna cost me?”

X:  “Plenty.  Here’s the deal.  You and me go head-to-head in a
single game of cards.  Winner takes all.”

Titus:  “And if I refuse?”

X:  “You lose Leo for good.”

Titus:  “You don’t leave me much choice, do you?  Goodbye, Son.”

Leo:  “Pop!”

Titus:  “You wanna use your sword, or-- do you wanna borrow my

Leo:  “Pop!  What’re you doing?!”

Titus:  “Calling her bluff.  Do you actually think I’d risk
letting you and-- your friend-- take everything I have?”

X:  “Don’t think I won’t kill him.”

Titus:  “Think it?  Huh-- I know you won’t.  Just like I know
your whole con-- thanks to a little-- inside information.”

Rafe:  “You.” 

Eldon:  “Sorry, partner, but-- I play to win.”

Rafe:  “You-- double-crossing bastard!”  [Eldon stabs Rafe.]

X:  “No!  Rafe.  Rafe-- I’m sor- -- I didn’t realize-- ”

Rafe:  “Shh. Shh.  What did I say about-- staying detached?”

X:  “Gabrielle, help me get him outta here.”

Titus:  “Wait-- where do you think you’re going?”

X:  “To honor a friend.”

Titus:  “What about our game?”

X:  “There _is_ no game.  You turned me down.”

Titus:  “But you still have my ruby, if not my son.  I want it

X:  “Suffer.”

Titus:  “So-- you wanted to play when Rafe was alive to help you
cheat.  But, now that he’s gone, you won’t play.  That it?”

X:  “It would’ve been a fair game.”

Titus:  “That so?  Play me now-- or shame your friend by walking

G:  “Don’t listen to him, Xena.  Let’s just take Rafe and get
out of here.”

X:  “You want a game?  You _got_ it.”

G:  “Not now!”

X:  “Yes, now is the time!  For Rafe.”


Dealer:  “Titus?”

Titus:  “I’ll check-- to the lady.”

X:  “Give me three.”

Titus:  “Two-- gimme two.”

Dealer:  “OK, folks-- show ‘em if you’ve got ‘em.  Full boat--
warlords over heroes.”

Woman’s Voice:  “There’s your winner.”

X:  “Uh-uh-uh.  Four aces.”

Titus:  “No-- no, you can’t.  You couldn’t!  That-- ”

X:  “Read ‘em-- and weep.”

Titus:  “No!”

G:  “No!”

Titus:  “Anyone moves-- she cashes in for good.”

X:  “Let her go-- you won’t get away.”

Titus:  “Who’s gonna stop me?  You?”

X:  “No-- him.”

[Big fight]

Thugs:  “Get her!”  “Let’s get outta here.”

X:  “Leaving so soon?  Don’t bet on it!”


J:  “Huh-- wait a minute.  You died?”

Rafe:  “No-- I pretended to die.”

Eldon:  “Just like I pretended to switch sides and join Titus.”

J:  “And that’s because-- aah!”

G:  “Xena knew that Titus would bet everything he had-- thinking
he couldn’t lose once Rafe was dead.”

J:  “Ohh-- oh.  Oh, wait a minute, wait a minute, OK, OK.  You
had a gold nugget-- ”

X:  “We’ll go over it on the road, huh?  Right now, we need some
more bandages and salve to take with us.  Uh-- you coming?”

Eldon:  “Uh, right behind you.”

Rafe:  “Wait a minute!”

Eldon:  “Let her go.  You did it!  Talk about a brilliant play.”

Rafe:  “Huh?  What do you mean?”

Eldon:  “Using Xena’s own con to win the bet!  Stroke of genius!
Huh-- you’re the king, Rafe.  You are.”

Rafe:  “But, I didn’t.”

Eldon:  “Uh, what?”

Rafe:  “Win the bet.”

Eldon:  “Sure you did!  I saw you kiss her.”

Rafe:  “Exactly-- _I_ kissed her.  The bet was that _she_ would
kiss me-- which she didn’t.  So I lost.  Uh, in fact-- these are

Eldon:  “Uh-- no, you don’t.  You’re setting me up, aren’t you?
Playing some sort of angle I don’t see.  But I will.  And you
know why?  ‘Cause you can’t con a con man, Rafe.  Remember
that-- don’t even try.”

Rafe:  “Oop!  I-- ”

Rafe and X:  “I’m sorry.”

Rafe:  “No, I-I-- so, are you setting out?”

X:  “That’s right-- I just wanted to thank you for all your
help.  I know I didn’t give you much choice.”

Rafe:  “Well, you’re welcome.  So, maybe we will-- see each
other again, some time?”

X:  “Yeah, maybe.”

Rafe:  “Well-- take care of yourself.”

X:  “Yeah.”


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